If you fall into the category of people that don't entertain for the holidays and you end up spending your time at the home of friends and family members, that doesn't mean you're off the hook when it comes to taking care of a few things. Here are 5 things even those who aren't playing host or hostess still need to do.
1. Clean Your Own House Like Whoa: Many people say they entertain just to keep their house clean, that it helps force them into making things spic and span. If you never really entertain you might be missing that bit of pressure to really get a deep down clean on things.
2. Give Great Gifts: It can be easy to forget a host or hostess gift if the meal you're eating is pot luck or assigned dishes. If you're not hosting and didn't spend hours making sure everything was spic and span and dishes were clean and tables were set — then you bring a gift. Everyone loves a nod to their hard work and being appreciative and thankful that it wasn't you who had to do it is always a good thing.
3. Bring What You Can: Although some parties don't involve you bringing a dish, many times during holiday celebrations, families bring their favorite side or dessert. If you're not hosting, try bringing something extra, even if you don't cook, just to help put forth a little extra effort. If you're really (really) not into cooking or baking, ask if you can bring games or even a movie to watch together.
4. Assess Why You Don't Host: For some events it's tradition to go to Grandma's house or maybe Aunt Sally's place is the only one big enough to get everyone together. Even if you're not hosting the large family get together, check to see what you could need to start collecting in order to throw even a small dinner party at your own place. Chairs? Plates? Napkins? Make a list and check it twice!
5. Give Of Your Time: Although service is never a requirement, it can do amazing things for your spirit. If you live alone and don't travel to see family this time of year or have a pint sized apartment, get out, meet folks who are less fortunate than you and volunteer your time at a community event or location.
Do you have anything to add to our list above? Let us know in the comments below!
Image: Jason Loper
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Games are great and they provide a way for people with less disposable income to contribute to an enjoyable gathering. I sometimes ask people to bring jokes, stories or readings too. Depends on the strengths of the guest and the interests of the crowd.
Ask family members who do not or cannot cook to bring a photo album. You'd be amazed at the stories, laughs and memories that come out.
For the love of god, do NOT bring a side dish or dessert if you and the host have not agreed to it! There are few things more obnoxious than someone walking in the door with something that, as the host, you suddenly have to deal with (oven, dishes, pacing, etc).
Wine is always nice, if your hosts or their guests partake.
Kudos to bringing flowers already in a vase (and with an adorable ribbon!). Amy Sedaris has a point with the host not wanting to find a vase on top of everything else she has to do.
Totally agree with the comments about not bringing food if it has not been requested. It's not just the inconvenience of working out the logistics of what to do with it - it's the fact that the last minute and random addition actually changes the meal. When I have people over for dinner (or anything) hours of planning and prep go into producing a meal in which tastes and quantities balance and flow. Unexpected foodstuffs just put a spanner in the works.
Oh yes, and ditto about the vase - big time!!!
I never expect it, but am always appreciative of the guests who do a tiny bit of tidying during the evening. Not a get-on-their-knees-and-scrub cleaning, but bringing some empty plates into the kitchen or grabbing some cans/bottles that are lying around and throwing them in the recycling bin. That way, i don't have to keep running in to make more room for people to put their drinks down, but can rather be in the kitchen...mixing more drinks.
While I agree that if you bring flowers bring them in a vase, you might want to think about the flowers part at least if the hosts have cats. Our cats eat any plant and then throw it up. So while I appreciate the gesture (and oh so wish I could have flowers and plants in the house), we really cant have them around and when people bring them, they always look disappointed when they end up outside (even in freezing weather (I'm in WI). That said, if I know people don't have cats, I love bringing flowers (and wine of course)!
Bring a cake¡¡, in my family most often than not the host will not prepare dessert (where we live, or maybe just my family, it is not common to take dessert into acount at meal time, not even at holidays.. and who has when you have to clean and cordinate 4 dishes) and usually its asumed someone will bring cake or the host will get the box of cookies and coffe pot out.
So¡, cake is always nice, there is never enough, and just not get offened if its not eaten, you bring it as a gift for the host, and maybe she/he would like to actually serve it, or maybe serve it for lunch tomorrow with his/her other group of friends/family.
And yes, i have taken cake to parties where the host alredy had bough one, and someone else also took a cake, and NEVER has the cake been not recieved with gratitud (of hilarity the one time there where 5, plus 3 dessets, all of them gifts for the host...we ended up cuting 3 and having a desset buffet) and hardly is ever cake left.
If there is, cut, wrap it and give people a slice for take home and have breakfast with....If they are your friends/family, they will smile and thank you and even ask for more, not take offence.
Offer to help with the clean up. My grandma will not let use help cook (its a pride thing), so she makes most of the meal and we all take turns doing some of the dishes and putting away the left overs. This has been going on as long as I can remember so everyone knows where everything goes. If your not familiar with what gose where or it feels funny depending on who the person hosting is at least offer to help clear the table or or stack dishes. It gose a long way to not make the host do all the prep and all the clean up.
I wouldn't bring a dish unless I'd cleared it with the hostess/host. And I have a few friends who have cats that like to nibble on plants and flowers. And what if the hostess already planned dessert. Hmmmm...that leaves a plate of homemade cookies or brownies? Or purchased ones? A box of chocolates? a tin of yummy hard candy or specialty candies, such as those soft, melt-in-your-mouth peppermints? A package of gourmet flavored coffee or tea for those who drink it? Maybe they'd like to brew a pot to have with dessert. There must be something useful that would be appropriate.
Ditto on the comment about not bringing a dessert or side without consulting with one's host. We experienced the ultimate in this several years ago when my cousin brought a wedding cake to our improptu wedding. Improptu= 2 weeks notice and my daughter had baked this absolutely stunning cake for us. Talk about awkward. We thanked him and put the offending cake in the kitchen. Super uncomfortable. I can't imagine anything this weird happening at Christmas but after this anythoiing seems possible. Don't bring your hosts a fully decorated tree I guess.
Argh! Typo on my first post.
"Don't bring your hosts a fully decorated tree I guess."
HA! Now I'm totally imagining someone showing up at my door with a fully decorated tree as a hostess gift...
I hate to sound like a whiner, but here's another consideration with bringing dessert. Believe me, I love it when someone offers to bring dessert. What I don't love is when someone makes the offer at noon on the day of. If you offer at the last minute, you can rest assured that I've already done something about dessert. If you make the offer a couple of days in advance, I'll almost always say yes.
If you ask if you can bring something, a good hostess will accept help when she needs it. However, if the hostess says that you don't need to bring anything (like a potluck), you should still always bring something small.
I like things such as: a jar of local jam from a farmer's market and a cute spreader, set of cloth cocktail napkins, wine, a casual game (card game...not a complicated board game), etc. Something that you know will be useful at this or a future gathering at their home.
I typically show up with a game, some yarn, and a bottle of wine. The wine is for the grown-ups, the yarn is for myself and my cousins who crochet and knit (nearly all of us do now!), and the game is for everyone!
We used to play Pictionary every time we had a family gathering. I'm thinking Catch Phrase might be in order this year.
Ten years with French social customs has me trained: Flowers (unvased). Period. No food or wine, and don't offer. And show up a minimum of fifteen minutes late.
For family, I call morning-of to ask if there is any servingware or last-minute purchases it would be convenient for me to bring.
I like Apples to Apples for holiday groups. But once kids are mixed in, games are out the window for a long stretch of years. I like Bonny Doon Farms handmade natural-expensive bar soap as a gift (unless French people are involved and then back to flowers); most hostess gifts are seriously bad news.
For the big ones like Thanksgiving, I send a thank-you with a couple printed photos (I know, remember those?) I took from the day inside, because I really AM grateful when it's not my turn.
Maybe it's just because I live in the midwest and we don't care, but we always welcome an extra dish or dessert. No one is usually very uptight about offending the "menu" and it's actually pretty expected that if you go to a dinner, you should bring something. Usually the host just makes a few things, the main course and maybe a side or two. And I've never heard of anyone complaining about too many dessert choices.
It strikes me as a little strange that there's an assumption that if you're not hosting guests, you must be going somewhere as a guest. Am I the only person who wants to spend Thanksgiving being thankful with my immediate family (i.e. the people I live with)?
I'm with cmw6v8. I live in Western NY and we welcomed any food/gifts brought by anyone... unexpected sides, desserts, appetizers, booze, smokables, used books. Hell, we'll take half drank bottles of liquor or week old flowers. I have friends that will bring a half a six pack and I make jokes about them drinking the other half on the way over. Seriously. My husband and I have thrown some pretty fancy parties over the years (although less so now that we have small children) and nobody's ever brought anything that we've haven't welcomed. Maybe it is our borderline "Midwestern Manners" but in these parts anything offered is accepted graciously, including extra guests.
Agreed- all about bringing food or wine if I check in with the host first. I also love to bring something little as an extra thank you. Even if its just a bar of soap or something cute and little that smells yummy but wont overwhelm the entire room.
@p_capucine ~ you would be my dream guest.
The bouquet in the photo is gorgeous!