We touched based earlier on 10 good gifts that anyone might be able to receive as a host or hostess gift, especially if you're not super familiar with their likes and dislikes. Today we're talking about 5 things that you should never, ever bring. Some might be more sarcastic than others, but we're pretty sure you'll find merit in all of them!
1. Anything Alive: Yes, plants are alive and we're considering them ok to bring, but please don't pick them up a beta fish or live butterfly. That was only cool when they did it in Bridemaids.
2. Anything with a Size: Guessing people's clothing sizes is a tricky game, sure there's leeway if you don't really know them, but even when it comes to things like slippers or gloves this can get complicated (even if they're super cool and handmade).
3. Anything with an Expiration Date: That's less than 2 months anyway. For the most part, many adults will have fully booked holiday weekends. If they aren't at a party or get together, chances are they're shopping or putting their feet up. Movie tickets are nice, but if they expire inside a month, they might not be able to use them.
4. ReGifted Material: There's a good chance that what you have received previously as a gift felt a little impersonal or was too strong (ie: stinky candle, weird olive oil) for your senses. It will feel just as lame to someone else. The only exception is if it's cool, but you already own it. Then by all means, give away!
5. Food You Have Not Personally Eaten: There's nothing wrong with gifting food, but if you haven't eaten it or tried it personally, you have no way of knowing if you're actually giving a good gift. Chocolate might seem universal, but they all differ. So pick yourself up some and give it a try before you force it upon others!
Do you have anything to add to the list? Tell us what and why in the comments below!
Image: Flickr member úlfhams_víkingur licensed for use by Creative Commons
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Or drums for their children: a not good idea at all.
Anything not actually for the host. I have dogs. But please don't bring dog toys, treats, things with dogs on them unless the party is actually FOR the dogs or has a dog theme.
Two personal pet-peeves along these lines...#1 bringing foodstuffs to my house in a container that you want back at the end of the night (thanks, I will be doing your dishes right away!); #2 bringing unsolicted foodstuffs that require elaborate cooking/reheating/garnishing (unplanned extra time in the usually overcrowded kitchen--ergh).
Totally disagree on the dog stuff! I always appreciate people who actually think that I have a couple of furballs floating and it keeps them busy! One being special needs and super scared of everything, it makes it easier for him to get to know the guests... just don't bring stinky dog bones or treats... milkbones are just fine.
Please don't bring something you expect to use that evening... like 4 Christmas themed place mats to a dinner for 12 on Christmas Eve... or unsolicited-half-created dessert that requires time in my very small oven to cook while making dinner.
I understand not bringing treats for a dog (allergies, preferences etc) but what's wrong with a toy?
A pre-opened bottle of wine. Nothing says "Wow this wine sucks, what should we do with it? I know, take it to that party this weekend!" quite like that.
Please don't bring me flowers. I'm not even super-allergic, but in a small apartment, the smell of flowers quickly becomes overwhelming.
BarbieQ - I'm with you on those two! And of course, I've fallen victim to both. A guest once brought fondue cheeese to my house in a Trader Joe's bag. Trouble is I don't have a fondue pot. I improvised on the fly (microwave!) and served it up with my own dishes. Needless to say - it didn't make my dinner prep any easier.
Scented candles.
Attention hosts/hostesses:
You are under NO obligation to serve a food or beverage gift at the event. It's a GIFT. Thank the guest and set the item aside with a cheery, "Oh, we'll enjoy this at [suitable occasion some ways off.]
Attention guests:
If you bring a dish make sure:
A) you are doing it with the host's agreement -- that he expects and welcomes it.
2) the thing is ready to go. Pick an item that doesn't need any last-minute fiddling, including heating. It should be READY TO GO.
III) you bring any serving utensils your item requires.
d) you whisk the whole enchilada -- unwashed -- away with you. Alternatively bring the thing in disposable packaging.
I am known for my cheesecakes. I cut the chilled cheesecake, then arrange it on a paper-doily covered cake cardboard. Then I put it in a pink bakery box. I buy the cardboards, doilies and boxes by the dozen and keep them on hand. The cheesecake is ready to serve, can sit out for a couple hours without refrigeration if needed, and all the packaging is disposable.
The only downside is that if someone I don't know is a fellow guest, they always insist I bought the thing since it's professionally packaged. Oh, well ...
No re-gifted food you wouldn't eat yourself, like fruitcake.
@Ana our dog doesn't understand a toy. Give him one, he sniffs it and then looks at you waiting for you to explain to him the purpose (if he doesn't just walk away). Throwing a ball just means he watches it and then again, looks at you like "OK, you just threw a ball.... and.....?". Plus, dogs that are terrified of anything may not like the squeaky toys, etc.
I agree on not bringing flowers. It means your already busy host/hostess will have to stop everything, prepare the arrangement to be put in a vase and then find the darned vase. Arggg!
Personally, don't bring me ANYTHING. If you want to contribute to the meal, ask in advance about that, and I'm sure we can agree on something that isn't already on the menu (or that I won't make after all). I don't want presents.
If I feed you, "thanks" is enough. Then invite me over some time if you really are appreciative!
But don't give me a gift! (I have all the stuff I can ever use, and I am very picky -- I absolutely hate the feeling of getting a gift I don't want or like, and then not knowing what to do with it.)
If you love my pets, and you want to bring them something, that's between you and them! Just not food they can't eat. (There are a lot of sugary bunny treats on the market that make the critters sick...)
I agree with BarbieQ in theory...I host a ton of stuff, and it's super annoying when people come expecting to do prep in my already-stressed kitchen. But bringing stuff already made from home often involves bringing one's own dishes...tricky.
I have to say, I've wound up with quite a few dishes that people have brought food in and then left at my house. Later, I can't figure out who brought it, and nobody claims it, so I just end up keeping them. It's like an unintentional hostess gift. Probably half of my serveware I acquired this way.
I like to collect one-off beautiful dishes from thrift stores to use for bringing food to a party. Then it's like a double gift--food and a pretty plate. And the hostess can pass it along as she attends other parties.
I love flowers! I love them even more if people bring them in a vase they don't want back. I never give flowers by themselves unless I know the person has a closet full of vases and doesn't want another one.
I always ask what the host(ess) would like. I wouldn't want to burden them with *anything* they didn't want hanging around.
I got recycled gifts - a very sweet, strong orange scent gel (which smelled bad, and just because I'm from Florida doesn't mean I'm gaga for citrus scents) and honey candle sticks (the smell of honey nauseates me). The best tip is not to bring anything, unless you ask the host(ess) or know the person VERY WELL.
whoa, this comment section reminds me of a comment section about people freaking out about guests coming over when a new baby is born... yeah, somethings people bring aren't perfect, but what ever happened to "it's the thought that counts" - if someone remembers a dog, that's a nice gesture, or they want to contribute food even if it wasn't in your plans... I dunno, maybe I just have chill friends and an easy dog, but I always figure the more, the merrier - more dog toys, more food out, more drinks... yeah, not everything is awesome that they get, but it's still nice to think that person made an effort.
Hmm...I may be taking the comments the wrong way, but what ever happened to "it's the thought that counts?"
I understand some of these gifts may be annoying or unwanted, but it's a gift. It's (usually) given with good intentions.
Be appreciative that someone took the time to think of bringing you something as sign of appreciation for inviting him/her into your home. Yeah, he/she may have gotten it wrong...but would you rather be taken for granted?
I read this to get some tips and maybe some new ideas. Because while a bottle of wine is my go-to gift, I know when given wine, I usually take it, say thank you, and then end up bringing it elsewhere (but not as a host/hostess gift :) ). But I still appreciate the thought behind the gesture.
So thank you to those who suggested good alternatives instead of just complaining.
@ GardenChimelle: I love this idea. Totally going to do that.
My goodness!!! I agree with @starcaro and @the urban girl! I would just be thankful, if ur that stressed out when having a party that u can't except gifts then please don't have one.
Although the tips in the original blog are helpful.
Avoid re-gifts that might be from the person you're bringing the gift to ;-)
I agree with not bringing dog items. In our family, there is a bulldog that loves to destroy plush toys, a German shepherd that is on a strict diet when it comes to treats, and a beagle/bassett mix that just doesn't like most toys. Dog items, unless you know the pet and family very well, are a no-no.
What's up with all the dog comments?
Number one rule: never give a child's gift that makes obnoxious noises!
Here, here @starcaro and @the urban girl!
@GardenChimelle - what a LOVELY idea (and a positive, helpful post)!
After reading many posts on AT I should be immune from the snarky, bratty comments that abound from the readers. Being a mother of adult children I would be mortified if my daughters acted, or even felt this way regarding hostess gifts. People, for the most part, do the best they can. Why would you invite someone over and then pick apart something they brought you?? Is this a bad habit, or a character flaw? Either way it needs corrected.
"Gifting" food? Is giving not good enough for anybody anymore?
If anyone brings anything, it should be graciously received. For example, the felt flowers in the next post about a hostess gift; I thought it was a dishwashing implement. Which reminds me, I have given shiny metallic dish sponges. Everyone can use that. If someone cared enough to make me a felt flower, I would thank them, stick it somewhere and think fondly of whoever made it, whether I wanted a felt flower or not.
@matchbookhymnal: it goes along with "sartorial" and "cabinetry" in the list of unnecessary words.
also, in general, i feel like there are suddenly a lot of the "things you should never" say, do, etc. lists. (i.e., "10 things never to say to someone with twins" and the like). can't we all just get along? a gift is a gift--no need to get all worked up about it.
I don't know why I read these types of post, to be entertained perhaps? The way I feel is that it's the thought that counts and I don't ever look down at a gift, ever. Now with the live pet, yes, please don't bring me that unless you know I want one. I'd also add never buy someone's kid something that requires a monthly service fee that the parents will have to pay for without their blessing beforehand (i.e. an iphone).
Nothing wrong with re-gifting if you think the recipient would like it (again, it's the thought). If you bring me cool bbq accessories, I may never use it but my tailgating neighbors might be thrilled to receive.
Food I didn't try yet? If the stuff has a good rep as being special, what's wrong with gifting it? I don't drink much but I've researched and listened to vino loving friends recommendations to buy a bottle for a friend or my wine loving ex hubby.
I don't ever expect gifts, but I'm always grateful to receive flowers, champagne and nice chocolates.
I think some of the attitudes being expressed are way crappier than a box of chocolate wine you won't drink. Seriously, if someone who doesn't know you brought a hostess gift to show thanks and you don't like it, is it really that hard to trash it or donate it? I have trouble believing either of those courses of action would be an actual hardship on anyone who's commented here. And if the guest is a friend who tries, but isn't the most gifted gift-giver, maybe the host/hostess should be thankful in return that they have a caring friend? Are any of us so perfect that everyone who comes into our orbit must be perfect at all times in every way too?
*sigh* "chocolate or wine"
Personally, I prefer to send a small bouquet of flowers the day before the party. I say small because 1) I don't expect them to use my flowers as a centerpiece 2) they can tuck them away on a nightstand for themselves 3) they find a place for the them in the powder room or somewhere else if they would like 4) when the flowers die they don't have something they don't know what to do with.
I also write on the enclosure card something to the effect of, "Dear ___________, Looking forward to tomorrow night. You have the best parties! (or you always make everyone feel so welcome or An evening with friends is the perfect way to end the week ...you get the idea.)
Also sending it the day ahead tells them you are looking forward to the event and it doesn't add to one more thing to do the day of party and if they forget or don't have a centerpiece you have helped without knowing it.