In homes with children in them, quite often breakables aren't near ledges and anything below 4 feet (or within jumping distance of a sofa) is kid friendly. In homes without tiny tots, it's a whole new ballgame. So go prepared to your holiday parties and events armed with these tips to keep the homeowner, yourself and your kids all sane!
1. Bring Toys Without Small Pieces: You don't have to lug an entire toy box to a friends house for a get together, but a few well thought out toys that have the tendency to keep them occupied are a smart move. Try choosing ones without small parts and pieces that will get lost in sofas or stolen by the homeowners pets.
2. Non-Messy Snacks: Aside from bringing something healthy for your child to snack on in case they aren't into the cuisine that's being served, make sure you bring them something they actually like to eat that won't end up leaving a crumb trail. Although a few crumbs aren't anything a vacuum can't handle, some folks might not take to kindly to cheerios being shoved in their couch cushions because they aren't really into them — but licking and sticking them is a whole new ball game!
3. Change Diapers Away From Party Guests: Even if the party host says it's alright and every member of the group in attendance has a child, do them all a favor and change diapers away from the main gathering area. Even if no one cares, making the space as pleasing as possible is a bonus and that means keeping smells down to a minimum.
4. Don't Over Stay: It's easy to let time slip past you when everyone is having a good time, but staying when little one's get cranky or frustrated, no matter how much fun you're having, is never a good idea. Keep your time spent at a party within their normal sleeping schedule. Don't be afraid to ask if you can come a little early to hang out instead if you know you won't have much more time than to eat and run. The hosts want to see you, that's why they invited you!
5. For Every Story You Tell About Your Child, Tell 3 Without Them: Everyone is guilty of it, once there's something new in your life you just can't stop talking about it. People want to hear the funny things about your kids (or dogs or new computer or pet parrot, whatever...) but in mixed company keep a 3 to 1 ratio of kid stories to non. Even if it seems like you're incapable of having any conversation that doesn't have the word Lego in it, do your best!
Do you have any tips to add the list? Share some of your own advice in the comments below!
(Image: Flickr member Ernst Vickne licensed for use by Creative Commons)
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And make sure your little people are invited. Often, they are not.
bring a portable high chair, a squirmy little one at a dinner table can be very distracting for others especially when they are not used to the little squirmers! http://www.target.com/My-Little-Seat-Colored-Stripes/dp/B001JQLCOM/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&searchView=grid3&keywords=travel%20seat&fromGsearch=true&sr=1-6&qid=1288985935&rh=subjectbin%3A1038590&searchRank=target104545&id=My%20Little%20Seat%20Colored%20Stripes&node=1038576|1287991011&searchSize=30&searchPage=1&searchNodeID=1038576|1287991011&searchBinNameList=subjectbin%2Cprice%2Ctarget_com_primary_color-bin%2Ctarget_com_size-bin%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin&frombrowse=0
Get a babysitter and enjoy a kid free evening! I find trying to bring a baby to adult parties and outings becomes more chore/hassle than fun. Especially if the party is in the evening and you're trying to juggle keeping the baby fed and preventing meltdowns from being tired.
This a very wise and insightful post which hits close to home.
We don't have kids (though we have one on the way) and I've been asked before "is your house child-proofed?". Not only is this question borderline rude, it assumes your kid is going to perish after spending a few hours at my neat, clean, organized home.
Teaching kids properly not to get into things, and keeping an eye on them should do the trick for a visit. Expecting a couple with no kids to change over their house to fit your expectations is unrealistic and unnecessary.
Also, chances are if the host is having a party AND allowing children to attend, chances are they've already thought about little things for the kiddos anyway.
I agree 100% with ttee. I do my best to provide child-friendly food when I know they're coming, and I've even been known to pull the couch cushions off for fort-making while the adults finish dessert, but I would be very offended if my guests expected me to childproof my home because they don't feel like monitoring their children. I don't have kids, and you do. If your children have such stringent requirements, maybe you should be hosting dinner.
I've found stashing a large cosmetic bag of Yo Gabba Gabba figurines along with a Magna Doodle to be the best kid distraction arsenal.
Although seriously, no one should ask the question "is your house childproofed." It's always rude, all the time. Just watch your kid and be mindful of where they are/what they are doing.
I like the idea of just getting a baby sitter. It's hard having young kids in houses where kids don't live. But I don't know anyone who babysits and I don't often get invited out by people who do have kids so having my son invited along is very appreciated.
I can see why the last two responders feel that way and I believe they are right to an extent. If you bring your kids, you are required to watch them. But teaching your kids properly to not get into things is easier said than done and while we're in the many year phase of working on that should we just reject your invitations? I don't think that asking if your house is childproof should be taken as an offensive. The truth is we're both warning you of what your invitation is getting you into and assessing if the night out will be worth it or will just be work for us. Babies will get into things if they are reachable and a lot of people with out kids think that their homes are safe without realizing that a toddler will try to play in a potted plant's dirt. Do I expect you to rearrange for me? No. But I have enough experience to know that what is an enjoyable dinner party for you is two hours of me trying to keep my kid out of your stuff and is not the pleasant experience either of us want. You get annoyed by what the kid is doing but so does mommy, plus she has the job of trying to make it stop so it's twice as hard on her. Stringent requirements? That's harsh. Listen, we're easy going people and we'll keep our kid under control, but he's two so keeping him out of your stuff the whole night just proves to be frustrating and another depressing reminder of why these parties aren't as fun as they used to be now that we're parents. Maybe I should host dinner? Great. I'd love to. But does that mean you never will? No, that means that whenever my child-free friends get together I'm at home where my kid won't break things, wallowing in the depression of a limited social life which you will only understand if you ever do have kids.
There is about a year or two where your kids are inquisitive, and impossible to negotiate with and they are an outright pest for those without kids. There is a reason you don't often see two or three year olds out and about :)
My hubby and I know that when we are invited to an event that is seemingly not that kid friendly that we have two choices: one stays at home with kids, and the other goes and has a night out (if we can't get a sitter, which is often) OR, we have to take shifts at the event watching the kids - which means no conversation and basically following the kids around to make sure they don't get up to anything until it is the other ones turn!
It is such a short amount of time in the grand scheme of things, it isn't like your social life is OVER for ever...and frankly, if your kids do go crazy, break stuff, leave sticky fingers all over non-kid furniture, then chances are you WILL have no social life...because you will never be invited back again! Until they have kids that is :)
It's not personal, but people without kids are friends with you, not your kids, so they shouldn't have to change their house around on your account. No biggy but, like dogs, no one thinks your kids are a cute and loveable as you do...
I agree also with ttee and some of the others. Also, if some has no children you can safely assume that No, the house is not child-proof. I mean, why would it be? I have a little basket with a couple toys, a stuffed animal, and a Disney movie or two for if I do have a small child in my house for whatever reason which I think is fairly accommodating seeing as I haven't even any nieces or nephews in my city. I think this is a really great post because it seems like so many parents get used to dealing with their kids shenanigans while it's really distracting/worrisome/annoying for those without children. I especially agree with #3!!! I lost my appetite when my brother changed his baby's diaper in the middle of the living room right before dinner was served. Maybe you're used to poopie everywhere but the rest of us are NOT and would like to stay that way thankyouverymuch.
I think amysays, you really hit the nail on the head with your last two thoughts too!
what about the poor kid(s) who have to be bored all day while the grownups have fun? unless you have a sibling or other kids your age around, its not very fun to tag along on these adult parties. i say, higher a baby sitter/let the kid stay at a friends house, and everyone will be happy.
I don't have any kinds of my own yet, but they are welcomed in my house. It doesn't matter for me if they explore the house, I may play with them as well, but, I find annoying that some parents wait that you babysitte because they are in your house. Every time I just run behind children so they don't fall of the stairs, don't climb the library and don't break the pc's screen. Everythink else is ok. But provending injuries and serious damages is really parents job. and they should do it.
Momma Mccall's opinion that it isn't rude to ask a CF person if his or her home is child proof is completely off base. It is rude! That kind of attitude is one of entitlement. A person that invites you into their home is going out of their way to make you feel comfortable by inviting your child and not expecting you to get a babysitter. What a nice friend! But you expect that friend to child-proof his or her home too?! Unbelievable! You mentioned that CF people will never understand what it is like to be a home depressed. Well, you will never know what it is like to be CF!! I am thankful that the majority of my friends with children DO NOT have your attitude because if they did, they would be sitting home depressed to.....because nobody would invite them into their home!!
Amen @rememberthis!
Take children where they are welcome and assured of a good time. Keep good friends and be a good parent.
Everything should work out fine.
I'll never understand why people get so cranky online.
"Leave when the leaving is good" is the hardest one for me (Number 4 in your list). Every conversation since she was born must end before I'd like, and I always am wistful and reluctant on my out the door. Her window is an hour, so brief...
This post is for any childless home we visit, in my opinion. I don't consider anywhere on this earth childproof, but I do consider my genuinely relaxed friends who have acceptance for what children are so precious I could cry. They are usually the ones with lots of dogs, too.
I can't help myself - so @ttee, "properly educating your child in your neat, clean, organized home will do the trick", eh?
Heh, "child-free" sounds as gauche as "childless" :P
We take our toddler son most places or have friends stay with him at home. If somewhere we're visiting is in rough shape for kids, we tend to leave in a reasonable time. Our son won't abide by being strapped in contraptions, left in a play pen, or distracted with toys he knows we've brought along with us. Sometimes food works.
I do all the other things, but "tell 3 without them" is very difficult. Although I have an interesting job designing cars, crafty hobbies (not to mention blogging) and we get to do our share of traveling I still end up talking way too much about my kids at parties. I have a wedding next weekend. Must remember not to do that.
Love the photo - says a tonne.
Like many others, I keep a toybox (with non-electric toys and dressups) and a "kid shelf" in my library. I show them the first time and after that, I allow them to play. I put away uber-breakables, but other than that, I don't childproof.
I think I was misunderstood. I do not promote asking my friends to child proof their homes. I would never ask them to rearrange everything just for me to come. I would hope that if they have, say, glass jars at the bottom of the bookshelf that we could maybe put them higher up so that the whole night isn't just me keeping him off them. I do think it's fair to ask if their homes are child friendly and that it is not the same as asking them to child proof, but rather is simply me assessing the situation when they've invited me to bring my son along. I need to know if it will be a high maintenance night for us or not so I can decide if bringing him is really worth it or if it'll end up being uncomfortable for the person inviting me. Of course it's nice of my CF friends to invite us to bring him, which is why I want it to be a good experience and not one where everyone is uncomfortable. My point about being home and feeling left out was just that it is hard when you want to go out and can't because you do know that it won't be enjoyable for the hosts and therefore have to sacrifice going because you know it's unfair to them. Also, it's silly to assume I don't know what it's like to be child free. I haven't had kids my whole life. (In fact, I've been married 11 years and my son is only two.) I know what it's like from both sides, which is why I know that you don't truly understand a parent's plight if you don't have kids. Which is fine and expected, my point is that I really appreciate when my CF friends invite us to bring our son and want them to understand that though it's appreciated, it can often be more difficult to have fun in that setting than they understand. That's the whole point of this post right; it's about how to make it a good time when you do go.
were avoiding a family christmas gathering all together. its a new expensive home to an aunt that never had children. we know ahead of time that its not kid friendly although we are invited. but when friends say oh we need to get together bring the kids. i straight out ask" uh if theres lots of breakables our kids might need to stay with a sitter" then they either say oh thats a good idea or they say our house is child proof (most of the time thats ppl with kids). its a major bummer that were missing christmas but really who wants to chase two kids under three in a huge house. our son understands that some things are off limits but our daughter is 9 months and cant understand this at all.
momma mccall, I'm 100% with you. I have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. I think it is perfectly acceptable to ask tactful questions to assess the situation beforehand.
@ttee:
I hope you will reconsider finding the "childproof" question rude. It is very likely that when someone asks this they are weighing the pros and cons of whether they should bring their child along or not, which should be a careful decision. Most importantly, they may be trying to decide if it is fair to YOU to bring their child along - I'm sure they'd hate for their child to break something important to you in the 3 seconds they look away. I would NEVER ask a friend if their home was child proof in terms of expecting them to do so, or for the safety of my child. It isn't up to my friends to make their home a safe environment for my kids, it's up to me to keep them safe in all environments. I would just want to weigh the options to make a decision that is best for everyone and you need the facts for that.
Since I didn't see an official link connecting the two posts, here's ohdeedoh's other article, Tips on Hosting Parties for Families With Children When You Don't Have Any.
Thought someone other than myself would find it interesting. :)