There are some folks that aren't their most pleasant around the holidays. Although we'd like to think everyone who graces our table will be big balls of sunshine — that isn't always the case. Here's 5 ways to help put a smile on the face of a real sourpuss without threating to cancel Christmas as well!
People are grouchy for all sorts of reasons and you can't please everyone, but sometimes the little dark rain clouds can start to bring everyone down — here's a few ideas to try to get some holiday cheer back on the menu!
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask: Although you probably don't have time for an earful of drama between getting the turkey out on time and making sure the dog doesn't steal the stuffing off the table, try the simple tactic of asking. There might be something you could remedy or even engage the grouch with a few wonderful memories of days gone by to lighten things up a little. If they just need to get away for a bit, there's always somewhere open selling ice!
2. Naps Are OK: Depending on your family's traditions, Thanksgiving might be a few hours worth of interaction or it could be an entire weekend. Suggest a nap in a bedroom or corner out of the way and see if a little refreshing helps. Hot tea or a taste test of the turkey if it's been done in advance…what? It's not like it's a real drug, a little turkey and a little sleep is a good thing!
3. Laughter Is Infectious: If you're not afraid of having a little help, invite the frowny-friend into the kitchen to lend a hand. There's always something that needs to be done and with them in ear shot, you're free to share funny story or tale while having a good laugh.
4. Engage The Group: If someone is having a real funk of a mood, try engaging the whole group in something. You could take the group on a walk around the neighborhood, play a game or talk about holiday plans for the month coming up…putting everyone on the same page will help the little gray raincloud in the group outside of themselves for a minute and participate.
5. Be Blunt: When worst comes to worst and no amount of sunshine, hugs and old stories will lighten the mood, there's no shame in saying, "Aunt Bertha lighten up, it's the holidays." Often the source of frumpiness can stem from conversation about hot topics. We're not saying you should always stick to the weather, but if you have all sorts of political views in attendance, there's nothing wrong with stepping in and asking everyone to retract their claws and chat about something more full of holiday spirit…who wants to go Black Friday shopping?
Do you have a friend or family member who always has something negative to say? How do you end up lightening the mood? Let us know below!
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"Do you have a friend or family member who always has something negative to say? How do you end up lightening the mood?"
My Grandmother was terminally grumpy - After my Grandfather died, my Mother didn't talk to her for 13 years...
...Grandmother was much easier to get along with when she was in the nursing home - All you had to do was get up and leave.
My weekly therapist session today. Now this? Haha this is great advice. Really.
Still, I'm not ready. Nope.
I think this year I will be the grouchy guest. It will be the first time since last Christmas I have seen my sister-in-law's husband. He decided to get "even" with my husband for telling him to get a job and stop sponging off my in-laws. He wrote a post on an industry blog signing my husband's name to it claiming my husband had lost his company's clients' credit card information. That was January, I am still furious about it. I am hoping I don't stab him with a fork or throw a gravy boat at his head. I am wondering how much Pema Chodron I will have to read beforehand to get through the day without upsetting everyone else.
How about putting the kibosh on relatives who are a huge pain? I solved this issue a long time ago by ousting people who can't hang, regardless of age or familial ties. They know why they aren't invited.
2 things make me the worst companion you've ever seen: traveling and backhanded compliments!
I'm going to try like hell to not be grumpy this holiday season!
My favorite day of the holiday season is January 2.
Everyone--please remember that Thanksgiving dinner is not the right time to "clear the air" about a past real or supposed slight. I feel like a referee at these "loving" family events.
Both my husband and brother-in-law lost their mothers recently, right around the holidays. I feel terrible for complaining, but it sure makes for a depressing group that you are in no way allowed to chide for being a grump :/
I handle this out by not spending time with anyone who doesn't brighten my day, and vice versa. It works out well -- I'm happy, they're happy, and the festivities are, well, festive.
For the life of me, I cannot understand how this continues to be a perennial issue for so many people. What circumstances prevail that would drive a person to voluntarily attend a predictably unpleasant gathering?
It is understandable that one may find an unexpectedly crabby relative or friend at thansgiving dinner or on any other day of the year for that matter. So what makes T-day unique? Why wouldn't the same standard of etiquette apply?
My mother is predictably difficult around any holiday. So I make plans to see her other times of the year. Solved.
My in-laws are horribly dirty, ignorant, and self-involved. We will not vist their homes or invite them to ours -- but we will spend two hours with them at a restaurant when they want to spend time with us. Luckly for all involved, this is about once every three years and we have a good visit.
Our neighbors attended a gathering at our home last month. One of them propositioned my husband, and another insulted our guests by announcing that they were the coolest people in attendance. My husband silently removed the glass of scotch from the latter guest's hand... and they made a rather subdued dparture. We haven't spoken to them since.
See? difficult social situations are simply not that hard to manage.
I agree with urbancricket. I no longer go home for Christmas because my inlaws are divorced as are my parents and they all live in the same town. visiting 4 houses with small children while be bitched at that we didn't spend enough time with someone was like the 7th circle of hell for me. One and done and never again. Problem solved.
When I do have a party (holiday or just because I can) and someone is pissy, generally we'll try to ask what's wrong. If (as was the case with one friend) they're just acting like a big baby to get attention, I'm not above telling them they're ruining my fun and to either smile and be nice or gtfo.
i think i'll be the grouchy guest this year, thanks to lupron. ugh.
@Bonivagscott: You can always advance to enlightened compassion on your own timetable; all you have to do for now is get through the turkey dinner. One thought that, while not the most spiritually advanced, could help you smile through the hours you must endure with this difficult person -- Everything we do comes back to us three-fold. Thinking of what he did and remembering this might put a small, slightly evil smile on your face when you see him. This will have the further benefit of making him wonder nervously why you could possibly be smiling at him. (Remember the old saying? "Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up to!")
Hope this helps, if only to give you a laugh when you see him.
I agree with mjs7640.... I favorite time is January 2.
I would rather enjoy the company of my friends and family during the year and not stressed during the "obligatory time" ..... I don't want to worry about pleasing people, giving gifts, getting gifts, cooking, cleaning, decorating, making the rounds with family...instead I enjoy them during the year or not at all. Problem solved.
My in-laws all take a group ritual nap after the meal. The living room looks like there was suicide pact.
Check out Songza.com if you need some music for Thanksgiving -- they have a bunch of different Thanksgiving-themed Playlists - all for free!