While on vacation last year, we were sitting at the hotel bar and noted that every, single person had either a tablet or smart phone open in front of them. We were all conversing, but there was still that distraction of intermittent Facebook updating, texting, etc...going on.

I don't own a smart phone. I wouldn't even own a cell if I didn't have children who are older and need to contact me for various reasons. If I ever went out to dinner with someone who even once took out a device to check on something completely unimportant I would leave. Luckily all of my friends and family agree.
Yes I know I probably seem old fashioned. Oh well. But I can definitely see a place for tech gadgets. I love the fact that my son can play a game and Skype with his best friend who moved out of state. And I love the fact that he completed an entire group project for school without ever leaving the house.
But if you are out with "real" people - put down the nonsense!

You know that olf cellphone network commercial, "Can you hear me now?" Nowadays, the question is, can the person right in front of you hear you now. It's very sad.

Oops, "old."

I'm right with you, Pendragon! Whenever possible, when someone I'm working with interrupts our activity to use a SmartPhone, I walk away and let them find me when they're ready to resume our work.

I HATE the constant checking of the smart phones for Facebook or Twitter or whatever. I hate that my friends/co-workers will be in the middle of a conversation with me and their phone will buzz and they'll completely stop talking, pick it up, and start fooling around with it instead of just waiting a few minutes and then checking it. So rude and annoying. I have a friend who is constantly texting and checking in everywhere and posting everything on facebook and I want to smack the phone out of their hands. I don't have a smart phone and everyone teases me for having an old phone but I can't stand that crap.

What do people check on their phone, especially when they are with friends and colleagues?

That is beyond me.

You are right.

At the request of a colleague, I took a college student out for lunch to talk about her future. She laid her phone on the table and it buzzed with a new text every few seconds (I'm not exaggerating). She checked the texts and responded every few minutes... it was amazing.

I wasn't even offended so much as I was sad for her. It appeared that she was very comfortable with permanent multi-tasking but, as our lunch and every study has shown, it dramatically detracted from her ability to feel, process or do anything particularly well. She's forever being pulled in 12 different directions... I can't imagine how exhausting that must be.

I spent a lovely afternoon once making an amazing soup, baking my own bread, and tossing a pretty salad with homemade salad dressing. I had stayed within the narrow parameters of what I was told they would eat (one was a meat and potatoes gal and her partner was a vegetarian who had never had most of the vegetables I names when quizzing her)

They played Words with each other on their cell phones during dinner...with others and each other. I felt like presenting a bill, with a space for a large tip, since the experience they were obviously after was a restaurant dinner and time to play Words.

I went and got a book to read while I ate, and never invited them again.

There are occasions where I will check and respond to messages on my phone when I'm out. I'm a graduate student and TA several courses. When it's a couple of days before a final or a group project is due, I usually treat it as being "on call," but I usually communicate this to whoever I'm spending time with as well. ("Hey, I don't have any plans for tonight -- but my students have a project due soon, so I might need to check my phone.")

Admittedly, I could just tell my students that I'm off limits except for office hours or pre-arranged meetings, but I really do like being there for them. I do usually tell them not to expect a response for at least 24 hours, even though I usually try to get back to them much sooner.

I'm a professor, and think that we do our students a disservice when we seem to be available to them at all hours! Most of my colleagues let students know that they will answer within 24 hours--and generally less--and tell the students know to plan accordingly. I would never put them ahead of the person I'm with, unless it's absolutely urgent, since they understand I will get back to them in a timely manner.

I certainly didn't mean to imply that I thought it was an obligation to respond quickly. However, it is something that I enjoy doing -- just like someone who might whistle while walking down the street. With regards to students, I think its important to (1) provide them with clear expectations (whether it's "within 24 hours" or "no contact outside of class") and (2) make it clear to them that they are responsible for their assignments regardless of whether they get a response or not. I might be lenient if there was something unclear in an assignment in terms of grading, but, in general, that shouldn't be used as an excuse not to turn something in. As an odd side note, another reason why I try to be particularly "on-call" during these times is to reduce the workload of the professors that I TA for (so that they wouldn't have to deal with the student's questions and can spend more time with the people that they are with). I'm still learning to be a better educator, so, of course, any advice is welcome.

The broader point that I was trying to make is that it is hard to generalize about the appropriateness of checking a cell phone. I have a friend who is a graduate resident advisor who is explicitly placed on call certain nights of the week (he needs to be within 15 minutes of campus to respond). So he has a choice of simply sitting at home alone or going out, but checking his phone. In general, I think the latter is a preferable option. The second point that I was trying to make was that I think there are occasions where there are appropriate precautions that can be taken. If I know that I will be checking my cell phone a lot, I make this known in advance. "I would like to come out with you, but I am expecting ... so I might be checking my cell phone a lot -- if that's alright."

There is a clear trade-off that is being made when choosing whether to continue an interaction or interrupt it to check the cell-phone. I think that it is useful for many of those willing to write-off their phone-checking friends to engage in a bit of perspective-taking. We might not agree with how they weight the alternatives, but I think it can help to reduce our frustration with them and help us to redefine our relationships rather than reduce or eliminate them.

I liked Dizzy Ms Lizzy's comments so much I went looking for the "like" button. Oops! Guilty!

I just got my first smart phone last month. And after two days, was so relieved to figure out how to turn off the facebook and email notifications (which unfortunately had to share the same alert tone as an incoming text.) All that buzzing and beeping in my pocket over someone saying "lol" on a fb post? That is not a good use of my time, or attention! I don't mind if someone periodically checks their phone in my presence, but luckily I don't have any friends who can't be separated from their phones for a few hours.

I agree with chaos amoeba on talking to friends about their perspectives. I keep my phone with me at all times, not only because it's the best way to reach me, but because it's just habit. I don't have a landline and so when I'm home or away, my phone is with me. While I'm not going to be rude and check my phone whenever I'm with a friend, I am certainly not going to not ever check it because there's no alternative method for my family and friends to reach me. If it's not urgent, that's fine, but occasionally there's no way to know when someone is calling whether it's very important or just catching up.

The more electronically connected we are, the less we are involved. I have friends (or should acquaintance) who never answer my calls, but will answer their texts. As for me, a phone conversation leads me into their life, rather than just fixing a problem or rant. One friend has over 250 Facebook friends, but logs little talk time (phone or face to face) with the people around him.

I have to admit that Facebook allows me to keep up with relatives on the mainland (being in the middle of the Pacific), I check on it with great regularity:

about once a month for 5 minutes.

Talk time with same relatives: well, let's say I'm glad I have unlimited minutes!

You're so right. I live alone and love how technology connects me. But when I'm with people, I want to be with people.

Does anyone play that game where we all put our phones into a pile in the center of the table, and if anyone responds to a text, they have to pa the bill? We cut slack only for the emergency people like the doctor and Disaster responder, but only when they are on call. With certain family members, I have been known take away their phone, turn it on silence, and put it into my purse. It makes me sad- like when my sister was so wrapped up in a text comment thing with a friend that she walked right by the poster advertising The Scream at the MOMA, minutes from her house.

Otherwise, Do Not Disturb is a great thing. I use it in movie theaters and restaurants now, as well as all night. That way, I can feel people can get me in the case of emergencies, but I'm not overwhelmed. And I stopped all Facebook notifications ages ago.

I like what technology can do to connect us- making it easy to do a remote meeting or join two classes, for example- but I've just never been into the games. I feel too disconnected.

From the outside the, "fully immersed" game seems to be a disconnect. But to someone who's playing it does connect. I do this with my brother all the time, we live about 8 hours apart but yet we can play and talk to each other and laugh and share an experience. We can also add in his old classmate who's currently working in Singapore. I play regularly with a group of people who range from the east coast in the US to Australia, and the sound of 12 cheering people who've worked together to complete a common goal is fun.

I'm surprised there isn't this kind of commentary on television in which the individual does not take action but sits and watches. At least in a game like the one in this article you're forming strategy, teamwork, or even competition against another person.

In response to the comments on smartphones and facebook, I think for a lot of people this technology is new and there hasn't been an etiquette passed down to them. I come from a tech savvy family, we all have smart phones. However no-one answers texts or facebook or any other happenings at the dinner table or during family time. Our friends also know if we tell them we're spending time with family and will be free at x time will not text till after that time. My parents have set the example, it this is how we do it as well. And likely as the newness of the technology wears off there may be less people texting while chatting as well...hopefully....maybe.

With social media, TV watching is extremely interactive for me. My friends and I talk about our favorite shows as we watch. It enhances the experience for us when we can't get together.

It's just interesting this was singled out as a disappointing trend when there are activities that are more socially accepted but have about the same or with even less connectivity.

motion controls and virtual reality will always just play to the magpie novelty crowds. these just aren't life-sucking tools. right now the most addictive games are not on the wii, not on the 3DS, weren't on the virtual boy when it touted VR. the most life-demanding games are MMO's, which involve people because there are other scores of live humans within to interact and cooperate/impress/compete with, not because its got some gorgeous wrap-around panoramic goggles.

people are addicted to simple mechanics and reward prompts, and especially when it involves other engaged people witnessing them, not glitz and visuals alone. sure the industry needs to keep the facade up of always finding new technology so the consumers feel they've invested in the right products, but all of these gimmicks will fall by the wayside with few long-term converts. unless VR can somehow compensate for any lack of internal socialization, its not going to outmatch people's desire to communicate with the real world and/or real people. machines have very clear finite limits, and the power to include a deep online socializing environment can't coincide with top-of-the-line graphics, industry has proven to only be able to cater to one or the other, and the masses want both. like real life has.