Alice, Should I Move in with My Boyfriend if I Hate His Taste?

Alice, Should I Move in with My Boyfriend if I Hate His Taste?

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Ask Alice
Apr 13, 2015
(Image credit: Shutterstock / Allard Laban)

Dear Alice,

My boyfriend and I are discussing living together. It would be a no-hesitation decision IF there was not this one dilemma: our styles and tastes in home decor are polar opposites. While I prefer a vintage Swedish-mod look, his preferences aren't compromise-worthy in my book. This includes but is not limited to: artwork from Target, a large John Wayne framed movie poster he adores and yes, he even has a lava lamp (did I mention we're in our 30s, thus we were not born in 1963?). Alas, he is willing to compromise on almost anything but asks that I do the same in return. But I can't see compromising on anything of his — beyond a set of bookends and a rock-salt lamp. I just don't know if I can swallow my pride and stare at John Wayne in my home without leading to resentment. Suggestions?

Sincerely,

Girlfriend Blues

Dear Girlfriend Blues,

Don't do it. Not because he doesn't sound like a great guy — he does — but because if you aren't willing to give an inch to make your potential new home a place where you will both feel at home (even though he IS willing to compromise) then you're clearly not ready for a living-together relationship.

Once you live together, things are going to come up that are FAR more important than the posters you hang on your walls. If you go in with the attitude that it's your way or the highway, you will be setting yourself up for failure.

You told me that you're in your 30s so let me give you this piece of general advice: it's time for you to figure out what's really important to you in your life. Is it a loving guy or your furniture? I think you need a little perspective here.

One more thing: you call this a "no-hesitation" decision (besides the decor) but have you considered that you're hesitating for another reason? When emotional problems come up, we often find something tangible to focus on and assign it all the significance and blame of the bigger thing that we're not ready to address. Are you doing that now?

Either way, it doesn't sound like you two are ready for the big move.

Best of luck.

Love,

Alice

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