[Please note that I've re-edited this since it was first published. Thank you for your comments!]
Diana never eats at home. Her apartment is a "crash pad." Her living room hasn't been sat in during the last 12 months, and she spends most of her home time at a makeshift desk in the kitchen hooked up to her email. Her fridge is empty, she has no clutter, and the formality of her one bedroom apartment has never been dented. Her apartment feels cold. In fact, she told me herself that her apartment feels cold and that "it makes her sad." A very efficient woman, she would like to "warm up" her home and be able to invite friends over for dinner.
Cut to Carl and Julia. Carl is always at home. Self employed, with an office in the city, he loves his home and can often be found passing through it at any time of the day.
Julia is at work during the day, but loves coming home at night though she often finds their home a little overwhelming. It is full of beautiful belongings, keepsakes, pictures from friends and family and everything they have comes with a story. In their bedroom there is a thick pile of magazines and books stretching back a month, and water glasses that stretch back a week. Cleaning is an issue, and since they have always done everything themselves they haven't ever hired a cleaning lady. There is lint under the bed that can almost crawl. Guests love to come over to Carl and Julia's house, as they are great hosts. Between the two of them, however, they don't feel in control of their home.
They wish it was calmer and more organized.
Both of these apartments are the homes of successful people living in New York City. They both have pressing issues with their apartment that nag at them, but which are very different. They are representative of two types of apartment dwellers: warm people and cool people.
WARM PEOPLE
You typically hear about the warm people. These are the ones who worry about clutter and organizing, and who tend to obsesses much more about their homes and love The Container Store. They are often personally warm as well, being friendly, generous and extroverted socially. Their demon is excess and attachment to things and people.
Is this you?
COOL PEOPLE
The cool people do not broadcast their issues as much, partially because they are far more private and far more embarrassed about the failures of their home. More highly strung by nature, cool people are seen as sharp and smart, and they tend to delegate their problems to others if they can, because they feel clumsy dealing with the physicality of their own home. They do not feel great attachment to objects, and are good at avoiding clutter. Their demon is excessive thought and over attachment to ideas, while losing touch with people.
Is this you?
THE CURE
The cure for each of everyone is always balance. You never want to try to change your basic temperament. It is who you are and it contains your strengths. You want to balance your tendencies by adding something new, not negating who you are, and a little goes a long way.
For warm people, the practice is weeding, since they have too much growing. It is small things like cleaning out a closet, canceling a subscription or taking a load of clothes or books to the Salvation Army, all the while remembering that if you don't keep doing SOME editing, new things won't come into your life.
For Carl and Julie I actually helped them get the weeding/editing started and then recommended hiring a bi-weekly house cleaner to help them keep up with things and to learn that delegating was okay. In addition, simply exploring a few new furniture arrangements shook up the space and made everything seem fresher. They liked it. Now they do a little re-arranging each year. Their home is still filled with lovely things, but it's clean and flowing again.
For cool people, the practice is planting, since they don't have enough growing. Their small tasks might encompass buying flowers every week for the kitchen table, hanging curtains (cool people dislike curtains), and inviting a few friends over for a drink once a month.
For Diana I added more lights to her apartment, and installed fixtures in her closets so that everything was brighter when she came home. I rehung her curtains in her bedroom and spent some time making that room a bit cozier. Finally, I urged her to cook at least one meal at home each week. Her home is still very spartan and neat, but it's had a little fire lit under it and when you walk in it feels welcoming.
Start slowly and seek balance. That is the key. A little bit goes a long way, and nothing you do for your home is ever wasted.
- Taken from The Eight Step Home Cure
(Re-Edited from 2007-09-10 - MGR)
(ReEdited from 2004-10-26 - MGR)
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This is interesting since I don't think I'm either, or more, I think I have qualities of both. I have a lot of stuff I have to have out in order to feel at home, I love to cook for people. But I am also very private, anxious, and often freak out when clutter gets out of control. So for me, and probably for most people, a little of both planting and weeding would go a long way.
There are only two kinds of people in the world - those who think there are only two kinds of people in the world and those who do not.
I am warm person without a doubt. I have a half room in my apartment "my office" which I havent done anything in because that would mean going through all the books, bags and papers I need to get rid of. I havent posted any before pictures of my apartment for the Cure- cause only my close friends/family wouldnt be horrified by my mess! As I type I am procrastinating so I dont have to go in that room and deal with all the papers. What I need to give away has been in boxes for months- I just havent done it cause its "good stuff" though I havent dragged my behind to the Salvation Army cause I keep thinking I'll have a stoopsale or post it to Craigslist. Give me the strength to weed. Its one of those painful things at first but once you start its great. Getting the momentum is the problem. Let the weeding begin...hopefully.
I can attest that, with a LOT of work, a very 'warm' person's apartment can look 'cool' to other warm people... but it will never fool a 'cool' person! Most people who visit my home are warm, like me - they are impressed with anything that has considerably less clutter than they do, and even doubt that I share their home issues (when the fact is I've spent the better part of my life dealing with them)! But the (very few) cool people who enter my apartment say something like, 'wow, I had no idea you like things so much', or 'I never would have guessed you'd be so cluttered'. It's a funny thing.
I tend to be a warm person generally and I think my home reflects that and it's going to get better now that I am intending on returning my attention to it again.
But I am also a cool person in some regards too, though not an introvert, I'm not overly gregarious much of the time either. Clutter is my biggest thing but I've been known to have purging binges and toss out lots and lots of old papers and stuff. Once a couple of years ago, I emptied out something like 24 file filders of stuff I no longer needed (but kept the folders if still useable though). Every now and then I end up with a handfull or more of things I no longer need and then make a trip to the GoodWill to donate such items, the rest get tossed if totally useless.
So in essence I am a little bit of both I think
i am definitely warm -- with very occasional moments of coolness, where i suddenly decide to throw out a third of my apt. but it doesnt stay like that for long, "things" seems to creep in unannounced. i don't like messy clutter though, like Sara A. that makes me panic. in the end I do feel more comfortable having "things" around, but they must obey and stay in their assigned places. otherwise i start yelling.
Trumystique,
Don't stress, confess. Some honest "Before" pics on the post would be an excellent first step in motivating you. This may be hard to believe but the secret itself is a huge amount of the psychological weight of your clutter. Consider it the "Threshhold Guardian" to your Hero's Journey. Once you make a full disclosure, you'll be able to set out on the "Road of Trials."
Trust us.
-------
Sea,
You are so right. Warms and cools see things completely differently.
What an interesting piece. I'd say I'm more warm than cool. I do tend to keep a lot of stuff around for two main reasons - sentimental value and future use (which rarely comes to fruition by the way).
Lady J, friends, family, the plumber and electrician and others have seen my apartment. Not so sure the people on the interwebs need to see it though. (Also you are speaking to someone who rarely buys stuff on the internet, or uses any social networking sites. I dont want people up in my business that much). But after I posted my first message I got out the camera anyway. If I get really motivated then I would figure out how to use Flickr. I wonder how many participate in the Cure without posting their pics though.
At least you have a record for yourself. And a more objective view than your own eyes. Maybe you should tape the picture to the door.
Decidedly warm, with occasional forays into extreme coolness. In the book, I think Maxwell described cool people as wanting their apartments to be as low maintenance as possible, and I totally relate to that, though I haven't yet found the formula that works acceptably for me. Constantly working on it though.
I'm a warm person who has learned to live cool due to my job - I have moved at least once a year for the past 7 years and I expect to do so for the next two or three. So while I don't have much in the way of clutter (can't be bothered to move it!), I love my home space and am getting very good at churning out all sorts of food with the minimal equipment.
I have ethical issues with cut flowers (unlikely to find a good source in my town), but I like the thought of curtains. The blinds in my new place are cheap!
I'm a warm person who yearns to be a cool person :) Since reading these descriptions in Maxwell's book, I've been doing my weeding on a fairly regular basis, and it does make me feel more balanced afterwards.
I don't think anyone wants to live surrounded by clutter, anymore than people want to live in a cold, lifeless place. But our tendencies in one direction or the other can go too far without us noticing at first, because we either see objects as being memorabilia, or useful, or a burden, or a distraction. So we need a little nudge to remind us that there is a middle ground where we have just the right amount of things to make our lives easier and happier, no more, no less.
The first thing I always do when looking at the Smallest, Coolest Apartment entries is to see if I can figure out whether the owner is a warm or cool person. If I can't tell, I think they must be doing something right :)
Interesting, re-reading this. (A different account of Diana and Carl and Julia are in the book. I noticed the dust bunnies have moved from the under the bed to the couch. No matter. I suppose they would crawl!)
The husband is a cool--I think. He has clutter because if it is on the shelf, we have "room" for it, don't we? And it takes a lot of energy to move it. (I'm thinking here of boxes and boxes of useless paperbacks stored in the basement). I know I'm warm, because MY boxes and boxes of useless paperbacks are on shelves!
Trumystique--I'm so glad you took photos. My mom and I started decluttering her place with a vengeance about three, four months ago now and she's still walking around, muttering, "too much clutter, too much stuff...." We didn't take photos, but I wish we had--I could just pull them out and show her how much she's done--a well-deserved pat on the back.
The REALLY nasty thing about warm people and clutter? Over time, that clutter robs you of your relationships. The house gets too messy, or too difficult to clean up to have friends over.
Clutter robs your joy.
My guess is that most people drawn to the Cure are "warm" people... even though "cool" people need it just as much.
Maxwell (or other AT staff) - have you noticed your clientele leaning more heavily to one side or the other, or is it 50/50?
Interesting hypothesis, betsbillabong -- are more "warm" people drawn to the Cure because they're attracted by the early decluttering aspect, or are "warm" people just more willing to post about it because posting is another aspect of relating, which they do? Or do "warm" people just make longer posts, so there seem to be more of them?
For contrast, the husband and I are probably both lean cool. What I like about Maxwell's entire approach is that he attends to emotional aspects of home that I'd ordinarily be tempted to neglect.
I think one big difference is that "warm" people tend to think it is very important to express their personalities through their homes. On occasion I have been a guest at large suburban homes that, although fully furnished and clearly often used for entertaining, have no artwork of any kind (even family photos), no plants, and no rugs. (And no books, but don't get me started on that.)
For someone like me these homes seem very impersonal and like the people just moved in; but the people who lived there clearly felt they had everything they needed to enjoy their homes and were happy with things as they stood. For some "cool" people, artwork, objets, flowers, etc. may ultimately seem like useless clutter. Of course, those people are probably not likely to spend much time on this site!
What's with the Clinton analogy? That was a head-scratcher, out of place in this story.
If left to my own devices, definitely cool. However, I share my house with my partner who is definitely warm, our 3 children and pets who do not even notice the clutter accumulating!
I think I am probably a cool person, but with warm tendencies. Clutter builds up, much to my chagrin, due to a busy schedule (and laziness), but I have no problem with 'weeding' and periodically go through and toss or donate things that are unnecessary or redundant. I think my main problem is finding the right way to organize everything to begin with, then maintaining it from there.
I think it's odd that you list introverts as being more prone to being "cool" whereas I've found them to be more desireous of a serene and welcoming home as a place to retreat from the world. This is also my tendancy. One of the reasons I adore my home so much and spend so much time on it is that I need it to be a sanctuary or I'll lose my mind. I'm definitely on the fence for this one. And rather of the same opinion as Michael.
I must be lukewarm. I'm a minimalist/clean freak, but I love my home and use it all the time. I cook from scratch every day. I think of it as having the best of both warm and cool living.
I'm not sure where I fit in. I love being organized and weed frequently, especially my wardrobe (due to minimal closet space). I'm also very open with people about what goes on in my life. My apartment is neither sparse nor cluttered, but I also don't entertain or cook much at home. I suppose it's possible to have aspects of both, but I don't even know which way I lean.
I'm a 3rd generation warm person. I grew up with my mother arriving at my paternal grandmother's house and starting to clean - which drove my GM crazy. We have discussions about how embarrassing it would be to die and leave our messy apartments for other people to see.
There is a step in the book where you are supposed to spend time in a room that you normally wouldn't. I was forced to do that this week due to lack of wireless. OMG! My office has become a dumping ground! ACK! Thank god that my wireless went out.
Trumystique,
I've posted pics of my messiest rooms on Flickr. Really. The first step towards solving the problem is admitting to it and unfortunately for AT readers, that means a visual confession!
If your embarrassing business is out there, you're more likely to clean it up FAST!
And as far as getting things done, I schedule ONE thing every day (in my calendar) to improve my house. It breaks it into smaller bite sized chunks that is less overwhelming. It feels so good to cross those items off my list - even if they're teeny tiny!
Thanks for posting this, I really needed it after the recent post about moving, which efficiently took me down to earth level as far as curing goes (don't ever think you're safe from it or the clutter will bite your behind so bad you'll feel it for a month).
I'm warm and my husband sits on the fence right now. I've been going through both bureaucracy-related and other papers that I've accumulated and for some reason the former were very easy to say yes or no to, whereas the latter provoked a rather interesting thought, namely one related to the scanner that I'm about to receive soon. I've decided to go paperless as far as possible and have made an enormous pile of "ideas" to convert to an electronical form and yet I'm hesitating all of a sudden. The hours that will go into the project shock me, which is nothing but good. Why force the clutter to another place - the computer - to keep pestering me there instead? Some of the "ideas" are certainly worth keeping, whereas others I'm sure I won't look back at ever again (because I don't even remember having all of them right now). Summer Cure here we come...
After reading this I see that I posess qualties of both warm and cold people...but lean a bit more towards warm. The cold part of me is a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to cleaning because it drives me crazy if a glass is just sitting empty on a table or counter, although I will clean it myself rather than have someone do it for me. The warm part of me has too many chairs and furniture stored away in the basement because I cannot bear to part with them....and what's not to love about the Container Store??!!
Thanks for re-posting this. It's very interesting ... and a bit of an eye opener. I'm definitely warm, but now I have the urge to 'weed'!
Definitely more on the cool side. People are always commenting about "the clean lines" and how modern and well, how clean everything is. I must say that since I am the only inhabitant, cleaning/upkeep is easy.
This is interesting to read. My thoughts are that it is unnecessary and often dangerous to categorize people into either or boxes. People are unique and complex, and they simply are who they are and do what they do, until they see the need to do something differently. My 2 cents.
Umm, the clutter, the clutter!
I have the horror of having too much stuff, but am a bit of a hoarder all the same. Very frustrating. So even though I think I am a warm person, get people in my house and I immediately am worried about everything and them seeing what I don't want them to. Sitting on the fence here I guess.
I think you just explained why a long-ago partner & I broke up. I'm cool-ish, but he was definitely on slow boil.
Ha, funny article! How about I live exactly the way I want without agonizing over how I'm being categorized?
"The unexamined life is...hey, come back! - I haven't stopped pontificating!"
Mine's a combination... I'm tepid!
You typically hear about the TEPID people. These are the ones who worry about clutter and organizing, and who tend to obsesses much more about their homes and love The Container Store. They are often personally warm as well, being friendly, generous and ... do not broadcast their issues as much, partially because they are far more private and far more embarrassed about the failures of their home. More highly strung by nature, TEPID people are seen as sharp and smart. They do not feel great attachment to objects, and are good at avoiding clutter.
Meh. More warm than cold, I guess. But hiring a "cleaning lady" is pretty ridiculous. Maybe more readers of AT can afford it, but I sure can't and wouldn't even if I could.
Trumystique,
I hear you about not wanting to do pictures. I was annoyed at having to post pictures when I started the Cure. But then, the more "after" pictures I posted, the more fun it was. I also found it really motivating, because I didn't want the messy pictures of my house to be the only ones out there for people to see!
You don't have to post all of the pictures at once. Start with some of your easier rooms and work your way up. We moved right before the Cure and one half of my living room was a MESS of boxes. I took a "before" picture, but I didn't post it until I had an "after" picture to post too (it was really bad and they posted it on AT, which was very cool, but kind of mortifying too).
Some of my rooms are still not done, but I love having my Flickr album to go back to when I am feeling overwhelmed. It is a nice record of how far I have come. Also, the support and encouragement you will receive is invaluable (not to mention, ATers can be pretty good with suggestions).
I find the concept quite interesting. I think I am warm and my husband is cool. I'd like to say that we balance each other out. The truth is he nags at me a lot because of . . . clutter.
I am most definitely a cool person. But I love curtains! Not sure what a hate of curtains has to do with being high strung and a mental obsessive. I also grew up very poor so I would never hire anyone to do something I can do myself. It does boggle my mind that people need cleaning ladies but then again, I have known a lot of immigrant women who would have no income or job opportunities if the random baby sitting or cleaning job didn't come around.
My husband is a warm person so there is always a lot of nagging when I find a box , a bag, or whatever else he managed to hide full of random newspapers, trash, projects he's hung onto for years without ever starting them. It drives me nuts. I like to purge myself of anything that doesn't get used regularly. He even said he didn't want to have to live in a museum so I let him do whatever he wanted in our last apartment and it looked like a mess. Now, he's open to life in the nature wing.
I already grow lots of plants and I enjoy it a great deal. So that's probably not the "cure" for me.
This is so interesting. I am a "cool" person down to the last detail. And, as far as the cure, well, I have had a box with curtains in it for six months now, waiting to be hung. No curtains anywhere. Wow.
Addendum: By the way, I don't think cool people particularly dislike curtains. We just have no faith whatsoever in our ability to choose or install them. At least that's the case with me.
Yeah, I happen to very happily be going through the Apartment Therapy 8-Step Cure at the moment. Though honestly, I'm not sure I am exactly the target for this program. My home is already very functional and healthy and I am very involved with the maintenance and interior design of my home. And it is the most comfortable and favorite gathering spot for my family. So, I'm already pretty good.
STILL in just the first few pages of the book I found some very useful tips and strategies that I implemented and that were very helpful and rewarding in terms of improving the overall environment.
But I am not at all sold on this concept of the COLD or WARM person. The categories are nowhere near so easily defined. I found some things in each group that I defintely am, and some that I most definitely am not, and there is no way that I could use either of these categories as they are defined to describe me, my style or anything else.
Though there are very many things to The Cure that are very useful, I do not find that to be the case with the Warm and Cold categories.
This explains a lot about why my home and my parents' are sooo different, despite the fact that we are remarkably similar. I'm warm, they're cool...they think I hoard, I think they're a bit obsessive with the cleaning.
I just read what Michael said earlier,
There are only two kinds of people in the world - those who think there are only two kinds of people in the world and those who do not.
I like that.
I guess I am one of those who does not. Still it's fun to try to define two (or even forty) types of people. It's just not possible.
I must be hot! I often feel like all I do is work all week. Then I spend my weekends vacuuming (dust bunnies --they proliferate like rabbits!), dusting, throwing out wads of junk mail and piles of newspapers accumulated during the week. Then I weed through bills, closets--endless!
Yes, children often have opposite "homing" tendencies from their parents. My friends use tell me mother lived like a monk. She threw out everything and had bare minimum furnishings. I was often upset because she would thrown out something I treasured (like my Barbie dolls!).
On the other hand my grandparents had draws full of pieces of string and rubberbands! I'm like my grandparents. I have trouble letting go of stuff (bags, rubberbands).
However, I'm getting better. These days before I buy a piece of furniture or household adornment I think about how much maintanence it will required. I'm happy to say that I'm heading towards bare wooden benches and NO MOLDING (pleaze!), like my mother.
It's all relative.
was this just an add for a book? i'm confused.
Definitely cool. I wanted to look into more way to minimize yet still keeping good interior design principles in my space. I want to learn how to be more efficient. Part of the reason why I am interested in Apartment Therapy.