show him a picture of a bed bug, that might do it.

i live alone and sometimes i find myself putting off certain cleaning chores until i know i'm having houseguests, so i can relate to your friend a little bit. my advice (which i try to follow) is do one room (or area) every night of the week as soon as you get home. it isn't fun when i'm tired from working all day, but at least this way by friday i have a tidy house and don't have to spend my days off doing chores.

Please tell your friend that no girl will step foot in said live/work loft that is heavy with the scent of nasty towels, bedding, and dust bunnies. Especially a gross bathroom.

I mean, I understand guys are typically not as neat as women but they can't hold onto the notion of "I'll wait for a girl to make me see the light!" because from watching other friends go through it, it won't happen! What will happen is she'll just end up cleaning for him and he won't learn how to keep things neat on his own.

As for finding motivation, I personally just love the feeling of having all of my stuff where it should be and having clean work space to sprawl out and use...and then clean up when the day is done.

Clean spaces allow me to have an uncluttered mind and do great work.

Have more house guests... seriously... with many of my friends finding themselves recently unemployed, we've been trying to keep an eye our entertainment budgets... so I've been having my friends come over a lot more for dinners, movies, etc. rather than going out. The happy side-effect is that my apartment always finds itself always in a guest-ready state.

Heck...I live with my fiance and we're still messy. I would say that its sexist to assume that only men are messy.

It is a daily struggle. Trying to balance a career, a social life and a moderately maintained home can be trying when you don't have a roommate or partner helping out. When I'm very busy (ie. running from one holiday party to another) my place looks like it did this morning - unwashed dishes, clothes on the floor, bathroom in need of cleaning, litterbox in need of scooping, mail in need of sorting.

I try to dedicate one afternoon every weekend to doing a solid tidying up, and more or less live in a state of casual dishevelment unless I'm expecting guests. But no one comes into my house unless I've done a solid cleaning. I've been in a few borderline filthy places this week for house parties and I was stunned and slightly impressed at their total lack of slothful self-consciousness.

Until the day comes when I can afford to hire a housecleaner, or move in with someone, my housekeeping skills are unlikely to change. If I'm to be honest with myself about my relative inability to keep a tidy house all the time, I would say it is because there is some comfort in having a home that is not perfect all the time, that I gain pleasure from being able to leave a sweater on the floor or dishes in the sink - its MY house and if I'd rather watch Top Chef then dust, I will. Oh, the benefits of living alone.

I swear I've never considered myself a neat-freak. My mother was a neat-freak (we're talking dusting and vacuuming everyday), and I thought she was crazy. Then I moved in with a roommate. Now I've become a little crazy. My roommate is my motivation to keep my bedroom (and the rest of the house clean). I went an entire week without being able to find a bowl because they were all in her room (along with God only knows what else). I am the one that vacuums and dusts (not everyday, but at least once a week) because I know that otherwise it won't get done. We've had the cleaning talk multiple times, and she never follows through. So rather than being disgusted every time I walk in the door I take care of things. There really is something wonderful about sitting down in a clean apartment and enjoying a cup of tea.

www.flylady.com has saved my home from CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome) Flylady is great and I highly recommend her methods of doing a little at a time to keep your house clean ALL the time. I didn't think it was possible but I thought, hey I'll give it a try and sure enough, it works. Check the site out! They even have a section of just for men.

Women can be messier than men. lol @ relying on a gf to keep your place clean! This isn't 1950 helloooooooo.

I had the same roommate issues as jessiann16 - in all three cases through my twenties my roommates could not be convinced to do any cleaning to save their life. One was at least neat even if he refused to clean the bathroom. The other two were down right dirty leaving dishes and such all over their rooms, not picking up spilled food.

I reasoned with myself that it sucked to be the only one cleaning, but I'd rather take a shower in a clean bathroom and if that meant doing all the cleaning on a regular basis, so be it.

Through it all I saved as much as I could so that I could afford to life alone. I clean equally as much as I did with roommates (every Sunday) but now with out the aggrivation of resentment that I'm the only one putting in an effort.

And I wouldn't date a guy for long if his place was a mess precisely because of that resentment of roommates. Who wants to constantly be mad at their SO over something like that. A compatible preference in cleanliness helps avoid making a relationship difficult.

I don't understand the reason for people not cleaning their apartments. I have a friend whose apartment is FILTHY. She says she has a 2 year old, her husband won't help, she's too busy, etc. and that is why it is filthy. I do not buy her gifts for her birthday and Christmas because I fear they will be lost in the piles and piles and piles of crap and garbage. I don't think anyone's residence is perfect, but there is no excuse for keeping it somewhat clean and livable. Ok, so I don't dust as regularly as I need to, but I do vaccuum at least one a week and keep everything in its "place" so that my apartment looks presentable. I would be SO embarrassed to have maintenance come into my apartment and it was just filled with crap and garbage all over the place. *shudder* Ugh.

This falls into the "something's got to give" category. I'm a naturally neat person, but with 60 hour workweeks, plus a social life, plus rest-- cleaning isn't a priority. I hired a lady to come in once a week, and she does things like change the sheets, mop the floors, clean the bathroom-- worth every penny I pay her (and I don't pay her many pennies).

If you don't want to have someone come in, I find watching Hoarders, Trainspotting or other movies/tv shows with intense dirtiness quite motivating. Having company over often helps too.

Oh..I know, I know....It's a big deal when i clean the counters/stove all shiny..and clear all my weeks worth of plastic hangers off my kitchen table...my motivation is only that it makes ME feel 'lighter and uncluttered' in the mind when i do it..and you don't know it until you do it..worth that try..just do one thing and make it a habit....daily..

there are some things that i HAVE to do everyday to keep my self sane. make a mental list or actual list of these things and they can really help you feel better.... like... making the bed, hanging up my towel, dishes in dishwasher, hanging up clothes. another good tip - keep your cleaning supplies where you need them. like keep the vanity & mirror cleaners under the vanity so when you have an extra min or two in the morning you can clean your mirror and vanity really fast!

I grew up with a very clean and strict parent...and now even in my thirties....I'm a slob. I have no excuse. I'm just lazy. Dishes can sit for weeks. I agree that it would be awesome and inspiring to clean, but shame seems to be the only thing that motivates me.

I'm definitely the tidier of the two of us, but I'm incredibly thankful that my husband lived on his own for a while and learned to take care of things... he does a lot around the house.

And call it sexist or no, but in every house of singles I've visited, whether during university or after, the girls homes were always cleaner than the guys'. My husband himself credits having lived with three females for a while with having shaped up his tidiness habits and 'prepared him for a peaceful marriage'.

I don't think it's sexist, I just think that women tend to be 'nesters' more than men.

Dirty and messy are not the same thing. The former involves scraps of food rotting in your sink and garbage piling up, while the latter involves not putting things away (laundry, shoes, making the bed) every time you use them. People can be both dirty and messy, but some of us are just messy.

When I had roommates, I was neat as a pin.
Now that I'm living alone, not anymore.

I've found that my motivation for cleaning is to make others comfortable. If the cleaning is solely for my benefit... shrug. If half my couch is covered with folded laundry, there's plenty of room for me on the other side of the couch. No biggie.

However, while I'm perfectly comfortable in a messy home, I'm much more productive when the environment is neat, so I do try. I also understand that guests have a right to sit down without first relocating my laundry. If someone is coming over, I at least have the decency to gather all my junk, throw it in my bedroom, and close the door :)

I've been in some chic's apartments that are pretty damn wretched as well. They generally have 4 times the amount of clothes spread over the same square footage and at the very least 10 times more products in the bathroom. That being said... I would have him watch an episode or two of A&E's 'HOARDERS'. Every time I watch this show I feel the overwhelming urge to purge my apartment of everything that I do not absolutely need and scour the entire place with steel wool and ajax.

A good motivator for towel changing is a crash course in germ theory. My friend that never washed his towel got freaking pink eye.

IMO this begins in the womb.

Mom's tend to clean up more for their boys than their girls. In general girls are taught the basics of housekeeping and are praised for doing so. Not so much with boys. Most of the guys I went to college with didn't even have any idea how to do laundry. Everything is much more of a chore if you don't know how to do it efficiently. Just my opinion...

nevis, I also live with my guy and we are also both terribly messy. The "public" areas (living room, kitchen) stay decently clean but sometimes you can't find our bedroom carpet under the clothes.

Not just single dudes are messy...

I suspect he is quite happy as he is and only noticed the mess when he asked you to stay.

~give less than orderly single friends clean sweep: the ultimate guide to decluttering, detoxifying and destressing your home. i considered myself pretty clean until i read that book. aie.

http://www.amazon.com/Clean-Sweep-Ultimate-Decluttering-Destressing/dp/1740452356

In college, my room was super neat--because I had friends over all the time. Left to my own devices, I won't put things away. I'm the person who does laundry, folds it, and then picks clean items out of the basket instead of putting things away. I found that setting a timer for one hour, putting on some good music and promising myself I can stop when the hour is up is very helpful. And you can actually get a lot done in that one hour.

Speaking as a single woman, I would not want to be in a serious relationship with a slob. My ex had stacks of stuff all over, but it was reasonably neat and his bathroom and sheets were always clean. Stacks of newspapers I can work around. A sinkful of dishes--not so much.

sport or not, i think this is ungrateful and rude.

stt64- one of the funniest moments of my college experience was watching a freshman guy carefully separate his darks, lights, and whites into discrete piles before filling one machine with hot water and throwing all three piles into it. Obviously he only half listened to mom...

From my experience, i think some people are messy because:
a) that's how they like it, they don't care, or they don't notice.
b) they get overwhelmed by the thought of cleaning things up, which leads to things becoming messier, which leads to more overwhelmed, etc..

If your friend falls into category (a), then good luck getting him to change. If he's more like category (b), then my advice would be to offer to help him clean his entire place and brainstorm ways to break down cleaning into manageable tasks. Or call "Clean House", if it's that bad.

..and for the gender roles, I am the tidy housekeeper at home, my wife has let's say a different organizing style.

i'm a 26 year old female and i'm the same way. i clean when a) people are coming over, or b) when things get so bad, i can't find anything i need........ this weekend i'm probably going to clean because of b.

"My friend reasons that he will change his slovenly ways when he finds a girlfriend who will help him see the light."

No, your friend reasons that he'll get a girlfriend who will nag him enough that he'll clean up after himself about 10% more, while she cleans up the other 90% of his crap.

" . . .what tips do you have for single people struggling to find the motivation and time to clean?"

I assume this was meant good-naturedly, but it in the context of the post it seems controlling. I get the feeling YOU want your messy friend(s) to clean more -- they're not asking you for advice on how to make time to clean more. The impetus for change isn't coming from them, it's coming from you.

If people want to clean, they will. They'll make time for it. If they don't want to clean, they won't. It's really that simple. Nobody needs "tips" to manage that.

I live alone and generally clean when things look like they need it. For instance, if I see lint, leaves, etc. on the floor, I sweep or vacuum at my next opportunity. Since I am only at home (and awake) about eight hours a day, my apartment stays pretty clean.

Flylady is indeed good. As a cranky cynical person, I find the whole thing a bit preachy and too perky for its own good, but it works. You can't argue with something that works.

They rely heavily on using a timer and on putting together a set of habits to keep you doing a little bit each day to keep the mess to a manageable level.

I've even taken some of the ideas to work with me: I set a timer with the instruction of cleaning anything you want and you'd be amazed how much cleaning five people can get done in a half hour. Almost no one can object to a half hour.

The other thing I like about the site is that it acknowledges that some people are born tidy and some aren't. People who are good at keeping things tidy don't necessarily understand those of us who are not. Courtachino's comment, "I don't understand the reason for people not cleaning their apartments." comes from someone who admits not understanding, but continues on critically to say that there is "no excuse." This kind of criticism doesn't help those of us who struggle with entropy every day.

sounds like he needs towels for Christmas!

For everyone who thinks it's a gender thing - my husband is far neater than I am, and I'm no slob either. My dad is a total neat freak (perhaps I make piles in rebellion to him, who knows) and my brother, when a kid, would put away all his toys before he'd go to bed - on his own!

I can understand, especially if you live alone, letting things build up a little bit. But I will never get why people would be willing to let their kitchen or bathroom get gross - if for no other reason out of fear of making yourself sick or smelly. The guy in the story that is using his towel for a few weeks - you may not realize it, but you probably are walking around wafting of a mildew smell. I know my husband and I are both sensitive to mildew smells - but different ones, and strangely neither of us can smell the one that the other can!

Honestly, other people's homes are none of your business. This includes: how often they change their sheets; how often they wash their towel; what they eat for breakfast; which couch and throw pillow they choose; the art of their walls, etc, etc, etc.

I like to change my sheets weekly. So I do. I don't get to dictate my sheet changing schedule to anyone else.

Most of us let things go a bit now and then, that's only natural, we've got lives to live.
But there is a huge difference between the everyday (few dust bunnies, cups in the sink, socks in the corner) and downright slovenly 6-month old sheets and towels!

One of the big things that attracted me to my current boyfriend was that his house was tidy the first time I came over (and he wasn't expecting anyone). I have definitely broken up with guys because I find them so messy that it drives me nuts and I end up being that girlfriend that cleans for them. So I think OP's sentiments are true - keeping a clean house could definitely help a guy get a girl!

Just invite people over frequently; you'll be forced to clean up.

"Since apartment therapy is all about keeping homes healthy"? Who's writing this stuff? Did you ask your friend how often he gets sick from "not changing his sheets" enough? Probably never. I would never imagine giving my friends "tips" on how to live organized and healthy, they would think I was a total prick. Live and let live! Jesus h.

I keep a tidy, somewhat clean house. (launder towels, etc. every two weeks, dust once per month)

However, this crazy cleaning frenzy is for the birds. I follow my mother's advice that there is always something more interesting to do besides cleaning.

The cleaning can wait - live your life. I always think people who are obsessed with cleaning, are really trying to clean up issues they have in their life.

EclecticLife is right. P*ssy has to be the motivator. If that doesn't work, then forget it.

If he doesn't care, then you'll never motivate him. I clean my house because I like it clean. I don't clean to save face or impress other people. For most people, motivation has to be something pretty self serving. And frankly, I think the pursuit of p*ssy could be that.

Just thought I'd answer like a guy for this. Go ahead, feel free to criticize. But you know I'm right.

There's no faster way to a woman's heart (or man's for that matter) than to put them into a position where you can call them a nag. Good tactic your friend has figured out.

I'm a reformed mess. Allergies and breathing troubles changed it all for me. Once I got down (wearing a mask) and really scrubbed my apartment, swept out all the dust bunnies and cut down on clutter, I could breathe again!

Honestly, eliminating the dust and dirt HAVE made me healthier, and more relaxed. I never realized how stressed out having a messy apartment made me until I had a neat one.

I don't think I buy into the "women are neater than men". I agree that women tend to nest more, decorate more, etc, but not really cleanliness. I know plenty of women (my roommate included) that are fine living in filth. Filth to me isn't a pile of laundry and an undusted dresser. Filth is multiple food containers sitting in your bedroom for who knows how long, food rotting in your fridge, etc. My boyfriend isn't as much of a neat-freak as me, but he definitely likes things put up and clean.

My stepdad taught me a trick to see how clean someone is, look in their car. If there is trash everywhere, it's likely they'll be messy. I've done some observing the past few months since he told me this, and it's pretty accurate!

1- introduce him to scrubbing bubbles in the shower. It cleans and leaves a film on the surface so that everyting just slides right off! I always tell guys to invest i scrubbing bubbles to clean the entire bathroom with.

2- Also, give him LARGE plastic hampers for clothes.

3- He needs to make dates to go to the laundry mat. If he likes sports, find a place by a bar that plays sports so he can drink, wash and have fun at the same time.

4- invest in a Miele vacuum, the one with the canister that has the air filter that you can turn on and leave running. It cleans the floors when he decides to do that, but it also cleans the air!!!

I agree wholeheartedly with the posters who have said that there is no way to motivate people who don't want to clean. In fact, trying to change a friend's habits seems like a very rude (and futile thing to do).

I'd just like to comment on this post, as I am the person being referred to in this article. A few points, and not that these necessarily justify anything but just so my viewpoint can be heard:

-I juggle two extremely time-hoarding jobs and have very little free time, so as many posters have commented, 'something's gotta give'. In my case, while I would like a clean home, I simply don't have the time to take care of it as much as I'd like, and I would rather spend that time on other things, and when I say time is limited I really mean that.

-I am single. I think this is a huge factor. I am fully aware that not having a spic and span place is also detrimental to getting out of this current situation as many women would not want to step foot in a dirty environment. I really like the quote by user akay that says:

"I've found that my motivation for cleaning is to make others comfortable. If the cleaning is solely for my benefit... shrug. If half my couch is covered with folded laundry, there's plenty of room for me on the other side of the couch. No biggie."

-In any case, my dear friend Grace has been a great motivator for me to get my ish together, as even though it's not a large factor right now, I also realize that from a socially-acceptible standpoint it is expected. As an aside she also helped me rearrange my living room which now looks pretty great. So Grace, next time you come over prepare to have your mind blown! And if not well...you can at least count on the sheets to be changed =)

BruceS63 is spot on.

My boyfriend is definitely more organized than me. Like, all our books and cds have to be in alphabetical order, and he's also separated them into categories (i.e. we have a whole bookcase just for novels, and on other bookshelves we have a shelf for coffee table books, a shelf for nonfiction, etc.). Living with him has definitely made me neater. He gets annoyed at me if I leave clothes out in the bedroom, etc. I have a chair that I can put clothes on, but even then I try to keep it clear because it's a lovely chair and I like to be able to see it properly.

That said, I am the "cleaner" of the two. I am the one who remembers to scrub the bathroom sink, wash the stovetop, etc. And I am usually the one who thinks to vaccuum, sweep, etc. I used to do dishes more frequently than him, so we worked out a method which encourages us to do them quickly and not let them pile up: we take turns doing them. That way, if I don't do the dishes for more than a day, I will just have to wash a lot more dishes. It's a very good incentive to do them every day.

Between the two of us, we are fairly tidy. What really gets to me, though, is leaving papers and books out. We're both students, so often we'll both have a slew of papers, textbooks, and laptops around the living room. Our apartment is usually fairly clean and tidy, though. At least, we do try and it's never absolutley filthy. I'd say my apartment could always be made guest ready in about 15 minutes. It's just those little things that need to be put away that are our biggest problem.

If I lived by myself, I definitely would be much messier. I don't like putting away clothes, so having someone to keep me in check about them is very helpful for me. And, this way we split the work.

To all the people who’ve slammed the original poster- what a person chooses to do vis-a-vis their own ADULT CONSENTING friend (I mean in relation to writing about them or their house) is their own business. And I think it’s rude to pass judgment on that. Especially as it wasn’t a nasty article.

agree women can be as gross--we bought a townhouse from a couple of women and we'd only gone through it briefly (I knew the floorplan from other units in the complex), and when we moved it the corners were CAKED with dust and dirt, it was DISGUSTING. I tried to clean it with a brand new dust devil, it shorted out and nearly caught fire, I ended up having to get a shop vac and empty the thing several times. what pigs.

Hire a maid. I have someone come in once a week for $40. And i have her do all the chores that i hate doing :) Laundry is a huge one for me.
If your time is more valuable, pay someone and stop wasting it!
Second. Its always important to have a clean bathroom. For me anyways. Those impromtu showers after really hot sex are not so sexy in a dirty tub. Scrubbing bubbles like the above poster said will do wonders.

I'm with dearly. I am a terrible housekeeper so I hired a maid. I would "stephanie clean" the night before she came. When my boyfriend, now husband, moved in he would complain about the 'stephanie cleaning" but would help anyway.

Now that we have moved and cannot afford a maid, our house is a disaster. I keep looking for ways to change our budget in order to get back on track with a clean house.

I really don't think this has anything to do with being single. I could nag my boyfriend until I'm blue in the face, and he'd just be messy *and* annoyed.

Likewise when I was single, I was a neatfreak. It's a personality thing.

Yes, dearly is exactly right. A maid is worth every single penny. Having been a maid, I will also add that there is a learning curve: watching someone else clean, or taking note of which chores make the biggest impact, can help you clean more efficiently. Sometimes it can be hard to pinpoint what makes a house look cluttery or dingy. You get a pro in, and you'll be able to make better use of your own cleaning time. And some people just don't have a "knack" for cleaning, no matter how much they try. It takes a certain eye for both details and the overall picture.

Now that my boyfriend and I are both poor grad students, we save up all semester for a helping hand during finals week. Sometimes, there really just isn't time to clean. If you have to have it clean, hiring it out is more economical than having a nervous breakdown or lessening your productivity. For me, it's a habit like coffee or anything else-- once you live clutter-free, it's hard to be comfortable otherwise.

One slight correction: when I was single, I was *still* a neatfreak.

Way to make it women's responsibility to clean and absolve men of blame! My tip for motivation is to not be a sexist pig and take some responsibility - clean up your shit or don't have people over. Or, if you do have people over, expect that they will be disgusted by you. Actions work far better than apologies.

Here's a tip: Don't, even as an act of kindness, invite people over who will lecture you the next day and then blog about it.

Um, I'm a lady and I have ONE bath towel that I wash when I get around to it (maybe once or twice a month). My reasoning is that I only use it when I'm clean, so who cares?

And I have a boyfriend, so there's hope, young slovenly lads (and ladies)!

I've thoroughly enjoyed this post and reading everyone's responses. As an avid crafter/sewer, my house is always cluttered. The only motivation I can muster up to clean is when there is the prospect of having people over. So I plan get-togethers at my house regularly. It's refreshing to hear that I'm not the only one and how everyone else deals with this!

WaitWait, you're right- I picked up some pretty darn good methods watching the apartment being cleaned when i was put up in a service apt for a couple of weeks.

allisonewrote - even though you're clean when you come out of the shower, I believe towels tend to form a little bit of mildew. A cycle in the washer and drier will take care of that.

When I was single, my place wasn't as clean as I would have liked, but it wasn't disgusting either. Laundry every week or two, scrubbing bathroom and kitchen monthly.

Now that I'm married, we have a cleaning lady every other week. The night before she comes I make sure that all the clothing and miscellaneous things are put away or tossed. It's a good motivator.

The first time I went to my husband's (then boyfriend's) apartment, it was clean but a mess. He had a huge box of mail and clothing all over the place. To no one's surprise, he missed many payment deadlines because his bills were were just tossed in the box. This hurt his credit score and hurt us when we bought a car.

I do the majority of cleaning, but he always does dishes after dinner. For that, I am thankful

design.va, yeah, I'd do that if I had a washer/dryer in my building. But going to the laundromat takes forever and is a pain, so...I guess I'll be mildewy for now.

That being said, my last boyfriend was absolutely DISGUSTING. He had dirty dishes sitting around for MONTHS at a time. There was mold everywhere, he never washed his sheets, and...there were some other absolutely disgusting behaviors that I won't go into. That was definitely part of the reason we broke up.

This is a violation of the rules of guest behaviour. Which a lot of people have pointed out.

That said, for me, keeping things neat was about understanding that domestic life was not static -- if people move and live in a space, the organization must take that into account.

We have systems for most chores and a good routine. But we also have our spaces designed so as to make that as easy as possible. It's practical to have somewhere to sort and recycle junk mail, enough counter space to cook and stack the dishes awaiting a wash, etc.

I think those are the hardest things to learn as a young adult.

Honestly, my tip is tidying as the mess is made. It's easier to do when it's just a little at a time. I do that and make sure I do all my laundry once a week.

I also do a big deep clean every 2 weeks. In college I did the deep clean every week but I can't keep that up anymore.

i think that louis xiii's response (he's the subject of the original post) is endearingly sweet, good-natured, and kind. sounds like he's a great dude to me, and whatever girlfriend comes along will appreciate his perspective on wanting things to be clean and organized, but also having other things to do in life -- that sounds pretty sane and balanced to me. (so this is to say that i'm glad that he chimed in and spoke for himself!) and sounds to me like the original author of the post meant to raise a relevant question with good intentions; after all, she is a writer on a lifestyle blog about apartments and homes. if she's good buddies with the dude these are probably things she might've light-heartedly ribbed him about over a beer or something anyway.

point being, this seems like fairly innocuous, good-natured banter to me since the subject of the post gave his blessing before she wrote the piece -- nothing worth getting our panties in a wad over. no one is trying to force anyone here to keep their home shining and spotless or disaster-area-grade messy.

and as long as i'm writing, for the record, i'm very, very clean and obsessive on all counts.

I used to be better at keeping things clean than I do now but I still don't let the place become a total shambles and right now it's not fit for guests, I have hair piling up in the corners of the bathroom, the kitchen floor needs a vacuuming and a good moping, recyclables disposed of garbage dealth with and a good vacuuming and the sink and toilet need a good scrubbing but I had done a decent cleaning not long ago and I do my laundry weekly, just don't do sheets and towels as often as I have to plug the washers and dryers and they are $1.50 each so hold off when I can get to my Mom's to wash everything there, roughly monthly.

For a long time our dryers in my building sucked but they are decent now so should try to make time to do a load of that stuff at least monthly when I'm not heading to my Mom's.

That said, I was taught to clean and wash and to iron my stuff and I"m not perfect and I have not gotten around to putting my clean and folded clothing away as they are currently still in the laundry basket but I've been working on projects for Christmas and yes, I'm single.

I used to wash down the kitchen twice yearly without fail and still kind of sort of do even now and it's due again, which means clean the outside, back behind and under both the stove and the fridge as they are needing it again.

But I do keep the general clutter at bay most weeks so the place never looks too bad just from that stand point.

I'm clean (swept floors, clean dishes, fresh sheets, scrubbed tubs) but messy (things strewn about); my husband is tidy (everything in its place) but not so clean (doesn't care if it's not visibly dirty). I was resentful because I was the only one mopping the kitchen on the weekend while he was out playing; he was constantly annoyed by having to look at my stuff lying around.

Our compromise is to have a cleaning woman once a month so that I spend the time I would have spent cleaning on tidying instead. We do a big "stephanie clean" (putting things away) the night before she comes. It's a pretty workable solution - it is much easier to maintain clean than it is to restore a superfund site.

I'm a Flylady dropout, but her philosophy is right up my alley. Hers is a very good system *if you follow it.* She works on s-l-o-w-l-y ingraining habits - make one little change at a time and stick at it for 3 or 4 weeks. It's true that you DO get accustomed to the incrementally cleaner state and it stops feeling like an added hassle. I fall off the wagon when I try to make more than one little change at a time.

So thanks to all for your helpful hints above. My hint would be: pace yourself. You can't change yourself overnight, but you CAN change if you want to.

I'm always amazed at the number of comments posts on this subject (and related--bedmaking, etc.) get. It's a design site, allegedly dedicated to making your home more comfortable, more beautiful, more expressive--but it attracts people who don't change their sheets more than twice a year? Or only wash towels once a month?

So, good design is important, but picking up the clutter and taking out the trash doesn't matter? Don't get it.

"My reasoning is that I only use it when I'm clean, so who cares?'

Because you still slough off millions of dead skins cells, oils, mucous, hair.

I was so driven to respond to this that I said the two most disgusting words in the human language: slough and mucous. Sorry friends.

I am a 'when x then it will be easier to y!' type of person by nature. When I get a boyfriend, a new job, a new house, that fantastic piece of furniture I've been coveting, then it will be easier to be organised, clean, get up early, exercise, fly to the moon.

LIES. ALL LIES. It's never true. If it's not easy for you to do now, it won't be easy then. You can only make it easier by learning the habits and tricks - also, you can't control all those other things, only yourself and what you do. So if having a clean apartment is worthy to you as a thing in itself, you should do it for that. The added bonus being that maybe friends (and potential partners) won't be grossed out by your living space.

there are big differences between messy and dirty!

i understand unfold laundry, books, shoes and clutters all over the living room or bedroom or dusty shelves and even used underwear on the bathroom floor but piles of unwash dishes is a no no! that's really disgusting and it smells and you may get sick from that.

the weeks of unwash towels or bedding is also gross. this person is just too lazy i wonder if he wears the same pairs of underwear for days yuck!

yes, some girls can be messy but it's a turn off for anyone to have to experience a DIRTY apartment.

Ditto Flylady. I'm a current drop out but need to get back on the bandwagon. Picking up as you go, cleaning for 15 minutes at a time and keeping a tight rein on "hot spots" or areas that always get messy are key for a happy home for me.

I just wrote a piece for a local zine on how not to gross out, freak out, or drive off a potential "special friend." Having a reasonably clean place was at the top of the list. The girls I talked to all agreed, at least have a sanitary bathroom(with towels,) clean sheets, and nothing overtly disgusting in the sink.

As far as cleaning advice. Just 15 minutes a day can make a huge difference, assuming you can stick to it EVERY day.

It's simple. Own as little as possible, cleaning lady bi-weekly.

Single life? I have trouble finding the motivation to clean in a partnered life! ;)

i don't think it stops when a person finds a partner. i think it stops temporarily and then people go back to their old habits of being messy. my bf and i are both rather cluttery, tonight i did yesterday's dishes so i'm not a neat freak by far but i think like other people have mentioned, taking a few minutes out of the day to put clothes away, wash dishes, wipe down the counter helps. it always seems like a drag, i personally like to blast metal and just start doing something - usually the dishes then that leads to picking up clothes, wiping down surfaces and sweeping. once you start you realize how much better things are looking and if you keep moving and don't dote on how much it's going to suck, you can actually get a lot done in 15 minutes! once a week we have laundry day (if you can afford it, there are drop off laundromats where you can come back later to pick up and pay by the pound), every other week i clean the toilet/mop and it's all good. oh and clean out your closets/home twice a year, the motivation in that is seeing your friend's happy faces when they get "new old" stuff & thinking about all the things you can fit into your closet now.

(1) Break down your tasks into small, manageable jobs that you do every day of the week, i.e. Monday just vacuum, Tuesday just dust, Wednesday mop the kitchen and bathroom floors, and so on. This way, each job only takes a few moments of every day, but your house is getting cleaned every week, and the dirt isn't piling up. You must make a schedule and stick to it. Each individual task will take less than 30 minutes on average.
(2) Tidy up the house every night before you go to bed (this is sooooo easy), and wash your dishes. You feel wonderful in the morning not waking up to a mess.
(3) If you're a couch potato TV fanatic, at every commercial break, get up and do one tiny task. This is how I get my bookshelves cleaned and polished ... one shelf per commercial.
The important point of all of this is to take a big job and break it down into smaller pieces. If you do this, you'll never feel overwhelmed.

The breaking things down into smaller tasks actually makes them sound worse to me--I feel like I'm looking out at a future of never ending drudgery.

One-he may have not been taught how to clean or how often to change his sheets or towels. His mom or dad may have done all that for him while he was growing up.

Two-Buy him three sets of sheets and three sets of towels incl dish towels and tell that while one is on the bed or in the bathroom, the other is wherever he plans to store them and the third is in the laudry basket.

Don't lecture-Teach.

Courtachino, SHAME ON YOU! I don't know whether or not you're a parent yet but it takes a lot out of a person to care for and keep an eye on a toddler from dawn to dusk AND try to get anything else done! Have you seen how fast those little ones can shift? And they are into everything! If you were anything like a friend, you would turn a blind eye to how her home looks and even offer to pitch in a little, either by helping with a chore while you both catch up on your news, or by offering to keep an eye on the kiddie from time to time, while she gets a few chores out of the way or takes time out for herself. Who knows, having a friend offering support may even prompt her partner realise that she can't be expected to do everything and he may actually start doing his share of the housekeeping!

As for your excuse for not buying her gifts, that is truly shocking. The WHOLE POINT of it is that you are passing on possession of something to someone else and from that point on, it is THEIR business as to what they do with it.

Maybe this Christmas you could give her something new -the gift of love and support. If you can clean up your act as a friend, I promise you, she'll certainly cherish it!

I would never ask someone how often they change their sheets, especially not in front of other people, and especially not if they had already gone to the trouble of changing the sheets for me. He may be a friend, but it's none of your business. Friends have embarrassing interventions for alcoholism and other real problems, not "changing bedsheets."
As for cleaning, I like to set one day of the week as "cleaning day." It's usually Sunday. On that day, I clean the bathroom, sweep and wash the floors, and anything else that needs doing. Especially if you have a small place, it's not really that big of a chore, it might take an hour at the most. And if you clean on Sunday, you can start off your work week with a clean home.

When I first met my husband, he & his brother owned a house together. I have to admit that I was more attracted to him because they kept their house really tidy. They even decorated, albeit not very well, but it was the fact that they had pride in their home, that really did it for me.

My mother used to say her house was clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy. I think that sums it up pretty well. As long as there is nothing rotting and no grody stuff in the bathroom I say "who cares?" But I agree that a messy man will find that women are not amused by such poor habits.

I've lived in cities most of my life, and cities have smog and airborn dirt which on windy days can ascend beyond the 30th floor, so regular cleaning -- not just picking up -- is a must if you open the windows or hang out on the balcony and don't want to live on the set for Idiocracy.

Anyway, people are attracted to beauty, however embodied. If your space is aesthetically pleasing, your friends and wo/men will want to come around often.

I also clean to make other people comfortable, so I try to note what makes me comfortable (or uncomfortable) when I'm at other people's homes. General clutter doesn't bother me, and a certain amount is even comforting. But I notice what's dirty in two particular spaces: where I eat, and where I go to get clean. That's my motivation to keep my own kitchen and bathroom clean.

I like A2FlyGirl's advice about 3 sets of linens, although I keep only two sets precisely so I don't get into the bad habit of letting things sit in the laundry! I really enjoy using clean linens, but I don't get to "treat" myself until the dirties are in the washing machine.

http://www.mychores.co.uk/
You can make a calendar with all chores spread out over the course of the year and you can customize it to your likes. Takes all the stress out of having to do a huge clean in a rush as all the chores are spread out over time. Your house always stays clean with just a few minutes a day! Brilliant!
(ps. nothing is more rewarding then checking the little green circle and watching the chore disappear when finished :)

I was always messy (not dirty). I bought a hypnosis mp3 from hypnosisdownloads.com called "Enjoying Housework" and it worked for me. I always knew HOW to keep a clean house, I just couldn't make myself do it. Now I can. There are other similar websites, that's just the one I used.

When I was with my ex, everything had its place. Now that I am single again and living in NYC things have gotten a bit chaotic but my friend always know I try to keep a clean home.

My new roommates however....oy. If there were an award for biggest dust bunnies in Manhattan I'm pretty sure pound-for-pound they would win! One even left for a vacation & his friends surprised him by cleaning it. He was in awe and didn't understand why people would "touch his stuff". Needless to say, it was a wreck again only after 4 days.

So I may not put the seat down all the time (all boys) but washing your sheets every week and bleaching this and scouring that can build up...Sometimes I just burst with a cleaning energy knowing that shower & tub are germ free.

And so what if I don't use a coaster, I can damn well eat off the floors : )

So glad this website is called Apartment THERAPY. I feel so much better...

Yes girls can be just as messy. Daughter and her best friend moved into their first apartment together this year when they started university. You'd think two immaculately groomed girls who take such pride in their appearance would also like to live in nice surroundings. Hmmm. All I can say is that despite not having anywhere to put your feet when walking, and having to move mountains to find somewhere to sit, they do at least seem to be reasonably clean. They do change their sheets etc regularly, and every couple of weeks they have a crazy tidy-up. The results last less than 24 hours, but I guess it halts the progression of mess to some extent.

At first I was horrified. Now I realise that it's NOT my responsibility and sooner or later they will develop pride in their home and shame of being "outed" as messy when people call in unexpectedly (at present they have no shame lol).

But, again, it is NONE of my business as long as they are happy.

Ok call me old fashion but what were their Mom's doing when these slobs were growing up? Picking up after them? Doing their laundry ? NO way, my son's learned the right way to clean every room. and did their own clothes after age 10 .
To this day I have to say they are better than me! My daughter-in-law thanked me for raising my son to clean.
They make better partners and have a happier marriage. No woman worth her salt is going to go in and "start training an adult" to be and adult ,what you will have is fights lots of them.Take pride in your personal space.

majeral512, you can only train in so much. I was the only one of my friends growing up who had regular chores--I even did the family's laundry as a teenager--and I'm the sloppiest of us all. I have the hardest time getting motivated to clean of just about anyone I know. Meanwhile friends whose parents did clean up after them keep their spaces spotless.

BetterBombshell, I also had regular chores growing up and am not a very good housekeeper. There's a difference between being trained to do the dishes when someone says "Do the dishes!" and being trained to say, "Oh, the dishes are dirty. I will wash them now."

My husband never did any chores at all growing up, and as a result we have had many long conversations about why doing the dishes with a heavy, resentful sigh every 5 minutes is not conducive to a healthy marriage.

My husband and I both get the Flylady emails (all 10,000 of them daily-- we usually just open the "Flight Plan" and delete the rest). It helps us both spend a little time each day cleaning up, and as a result, we have a much cleaner home together than either of us did when we lived alone.

OK, Im hoping that this is more of an exception than the rule for anyone! I thought my mom was overkill with the cleaning but now Im thankful to her when I step into some apts. (thanks, mami!)

Here are my tips, if you can't do an immediate turnaround:

1) stop relying on others in the vain hope that they'll reform your ways, and get your (cleaning) act together.

2) break it up by rooms/days if you can't bear the idea of cleaning the entire place for a few hours

3) buy a second set of sheets, towels, etc. if you can't bring yourself to wash them every week or so. This will give you more time and also expand the life of your linens.

4) use your hamper. keep your dirty things out of the way and out of sight.

5) use a shower spray so things won't get so gross in between cleanings.