Suffice it to say, the January Cure has been quite an experience at my home. Like many of you, I signed up because I thought the process might be just the kick in the pants my fiancé and I needed to finally get a few things done around the house. It would be an opportunity to turn our mental project list into a physical project list and to tackle things in manageable steps, with the support of a community of others trying to accomplish the same goal. And it was all of that. And more…
As I mentioned in week one, this was a lean month for us financially. Therefore, we would only be able to address those areas that didn't require spending money. What I didn't mention is that we are also planning on moving in a few months, and therefore, needed to be practical about any physical changes we might want to make. Our process was further impeded by me being sick for half of the month, and not having the wherewithal to move forward at the rate at which I would have liked. However, it turns out there was one last impediment, one that falls squarely under the category of "working together," and one that only became apparent this morning, as I was preparing to write this post. (More on that later.) For now here's a brief recap of last week's assignments -
Day 19: Catch up & take a photo.
The areas where we most needed to catch up were in decluttering the baskets in the bathroom, cleaning the patio and organizing the basement (our big project for the month). The baskets? Done! The patio? Done!
The basement? Not so much. That said, we continue to make progress. This week, I spent a good portion of my time going through my school work, determining what to keep, what to toss, and how to organize what remained. (There's a reason it's taken me a while to tackle this project, as doing so was a little emotional for me.)
Working Together: Shawn thought it might be easier for me to evaluate things if I had not just the mental space to do so, but the physical space, as well. To that end, he brought all of the clutter culprits upstairs to the living room for me to review. This "stuff," was the result of three and a half years' worth of hard work. And it felt like in parting with it, I would be erasing a little bit of my past. In my ideal world (the one where I have a studio/office space), I would want to keep pieces of it around me as I work. (Surely, I'm not the only creative person who feels this way?) Unfortunately though, I don't have a studio space. And as Shawn so rationally pointed out, I have digital files of everything, and in five to ten years when I finally do have a space, I can always reproduce them then, if I feel like it. (Sigh. He's right, of course.) Therefore, I decided to only keep those things that I wouldn't be able to reproduce - important hand drawings, models, and the like. (Thankfully, Jack and Milo were there to cheer me on.)
Day 20: Hang Your Artwork.
I've mentioned previously that buying a frame wasn't in the budget for us this month. However, I have selected the frame and know exactly where I'm going to hang my typewriter print when the time comes.
Day 21: Speedy Spruce Up & Surface Clean.
As I was going to be out of town for the weekend, our get together was pushed to the following weekend. Therefore, our spruce up will happen later this week.
Day 22: Shop for Get Together Goodies.
Shawn bought most of the food goodies for our get together over the weekend. Thursday, I'll pick up a few last minute items, wine and flowers and we'll be ready to go.
Day 23: Weekend Chores - Pat Yourself on the Back, Relax & Celebrate!
All things considered, I think we did pretty well. We managed to get most of the things on our master project list done, and those items that remain feel pretty manageable. 
Working Together: Throughout the Cure, Shawn and I have tried to work together in attacking our projects and to negotiate any issues that arose as a result. And for the most part, I feel we've done a pretty good job of it. Until this morning, when it became clear that there was an issue that we haven't talked about, and one that was getting in the way of us tackling projects in a more proactive manner on a regular basis.
I was in Boston this last weekend visiting a friend, and while I was gone, Shawn was very productive around the house. He cleaned the entire apartment, in detail, front to back. He cleaned the patio, and tackled a couple of issues that had been plaguing us for a quite a while (namely, my handbag situation, the organization of the coat closet, and the flower bed on the patio that that cats have dug up). Fantastic, right? Who wouldn't want to come home from a weekend away to all of that? He showed me everything he had done, and although the things he had done weren't handled the way we had discussed doing them, I was fine with them.
So, why did I wake up this morning at three am… angry? I knew I was probably being irrational, but the more I thought about it, the more I seethed. All of his solutions were very practical, and while they weren't awful, in my mind they weren't the most aesthetically pleasing, either. They were also not the solutions we had talked about, and I felt as if I had been completely removed from the process. I was hurt and I was angry. When I got up in the morning, I knew I would need to talk to Shawn about how I felt.
I'm lucky in that Shawn responds pretty well to the, "I need to talk to you about something," scenario. So, this morning when we sat down and I told him how I felt, he listened. He said he understood where I was coming from, and then told me why he did what he did. It turns out, he feels that my desire for an aesthetically pleasing solution often gets in the way of any solution at all, and that frustrates him. I thought about it, and realized he was right. I also realized that I need to be able to voice those concerns and have it be understood that acceptance of a less than ideal solution doesn't mean that I wholeheartedly endorse it and want to stop searching for a better one. He said he understood. So, we agreed; I would be mindful of a tendency to stall projects while searching for the perfect solution and he would respect that some solutions might be temporary. Working together can be a challenge, but I think we made progress this month — in our home, and in our communication.
Thank you all so much for commenting and following along. How did you do with the Cure? Did you learn anything about yourself in the process?
MORE OF BETHANY'S JANUARY CURE:
• Week One
• Week Two
• Week Three
• Week Four
(Images: Bethany Seawright)
10 No-Fail Decor Tricks & Tips for Small Spaces
Beth's Romantic & Retro Residence
Good Food to Share 
The Big Book of Small, Cool Spaces 
Apartment Therapy Presents 
The Eight-Step Home Cure 
Shaw's Original Fir...
How to Cook Rice on the Stove
How To Cook Tender, Chewy Wheat Berries on the Stovetop
Thank you for this very honest appraisal of your experience. I think this is one of the best posts I've read on AT, because it addresses the fact that our expectations don't always match reality, and that this is okay. It also acknowledges that many of us live in situations where we have to negotiate and compromise with others about how we do things, and that this process is difficult, and emotional, and ongoing. The ongoing part is key, things are presented here as 'before' or 'after' and house tours usually seem to be complete, all wrapped up and tidy. But life's not like that and you have reminded us of that with humility. Thank you.
Great post. So true.
Just reading this gave me the opportunity to vent! My husband and I bought a lovely entertainment unit, just the right size for the TV on top, the DVD player and cable box below and a third shelf area for three leather type boxes that held the DVD's that did not fit into the drawers. Lo and behold I come home one day to find the leather boxes removed and three hulking pieces of equipment in their place. Two cords from speakers ran under the unit across the floor and under the carpet to the other side of the room hooked up to two more speakers. I would love for him to have a "man cave" but we live in an 850 sq. ft. condo. The worst part is that this great set-up for sound is never even used. He never watches the TV in stereo and listens to music through the computer in the office/guestroom. I have tried to broach the subject, but he is touchy. Cord control is very much needed. I know it should not bother me so much, but it does. Any suggestions?
It sounds as if your husband is awesome. You are lucky, indeed!
My great aunt (who was more like a grandmother to me) sang "I love you a bushel and a peck" to me every night when I was young. That sign really made me smile. Where did you find it??
Whoops, sorry about that last comment. Shawn was trying to comment (on himself, no less), and it went under my name.
@SoBelt - Did you and your husband agree in advance about how you would use the entertainment center at the time that you bought it? If so, if it were me, I would try to calmly ask him why he decided to use it differently. If not, and it was a matter of what you were imagining versus what he was imagining, then I would try to see if you could come to a compromise after the fact. Do you have any idea why he gets touchy about the subject when you try to discuss it? Does he know that you would "love for him to have a man cave," if it were possible and that you're not trying to take away his toys but trying to make a space that's more functional for the both of you?
SoBelt, I wonder if it would be helpful to approach him with it in terms of, "I had this idea for another way to do this setup so you'd get more use out of it." Then suggest a way to move the speakers to the office/guest room.
I agree with Shawn that the problem may be that he feels he doesn't get enough say in where things go or doesn't have enough room for his stuff. So I would be careful to approach it as a way to help him out with what he likes to do, not in terms of "I don't want to look at your equipment."
Hi Nikelle,
It's not exactly the same print, but have a look at this:
http://www.nelladesigns.com/collections/catalog/products/bushel-and-a-peck-art-print
Or you could always make one yourself!
@NikelleCB
I bought the sign on Etsy - http://www.etsy.com/listing/86026069/i-love-you-a-bushel-a-peck-large-block? swisscheese's version is cute too, though. :)
This is a great post--thanks so much for sharing! My boyfriend and I had a similar discussion during the Cure, only it was reversed. I was the one doing things without telling him, while he was at work or out of town, and he was the one with his feelings hurt. We talked about why and came up with some solutions, and it was the best thing to come out of the whole Cure for me!