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I find this kind of bizarre. When I'm tired of sleeping in the same bed as my husband I'll just divorce him. I hope it doesn't come to that but seriously, if I don't want to share my bed with the guy I don't see the point of continuing on.
That being said, I do like the idea of his and her rooms. Not bedrooms, but activity rooms. If we had more space I would love it if I could have a room for my instruments/playing music and a room where my husband could have his architecture and design stuff (computers, drafting table, etc.)
I don't understand the term "master bedroom" being replaced by "owner's suite". Since when is "master" not a gender neutral term. I'm the master of this house and nobody's going to argue that point!

that is completely insane. i mean, if you had a HUGE home & coulnd't figure out what to put in rooms ....
but why not 1 person controls the main bedroom & the other pick the colors & what not for the guest room? i know a couple who did that. it's a nice way to work together.

is it for maybe a growing number of two couple households?

All I can say to Melissa is until you meet the person straight out of your dreams only to discover that he snores at the same decibel level as a lawnmower, then you will continue to wonder what the point is. One does not get "tired" of sleeping in the same bed as their spouse. They are so exhausted, they can't even function.

My husband works hard, provides a great lifestyle for both of us, is handsome, articulate, devoted, monogamous, loves being married, is a good father and a great friend. Unfortunately, he has one "flaw" and that's his snoring. It breaks his heart more than mine because I was single for so long, it's no different for me to sleep in one room while he is in another. But his first wife must have been deaf because she did sleep with the raquet and I am sure he misses that contact.

People who have incurable snoring and their partners deserve a little sympathy. When I envisioned meeting my future husband and living together, I never envisioned the guilt I would feel at wanting to have a good night's sleep.

I saw this article in the NYT too... but I can't imagine that the demand for two master/en-suite bedrooms is necessarily fueled by this phenomena. Some extended families live together, for example. We need two suites because DMIL lives with us -- she needs her own bathroom and we need ours and they both need to be private!

ChickieLou - I'm really sorry if I seemed insensitive. There is definitely a difference between not wanting to share your bed with your spouse because you are sick of them and not wanting to share your bed with your spouse because it is causing you sleep deprivation. Your husband sounds like a really great guy. I would rather have a kind and loving partner who does snore than a jerk who was a quiet sleeper! I hope that you will accept my apology for my tone in my previous post.

I once met a couple who'd been married for 30 years who restored a three story brick building - he had an apartment on the 2nd floor, she had one on the third. Both had been single a long tme before marrying, had very different decorating tastes, and were used to having their own space - but they clearly adored each other, and by all appearances were very happily married.

It's not something that I picture for myself, but it certainly worked for them.

Someone should tell ChickieLou about sleep apnea

Hope she drops by again
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/dci/Diseases/SleepApnea/SleepApnea_WhatIs.html

All snorers should be checked out.

actually, this can also be a cultural issue as well. i know many baby boomer generation asian parents that do not sleep in the same bed or necessarily even in the same room.

there's no need to assume anything is wrong with a marriage if 2 people do not sleep in the same bed. there are many factors involved outside of love.

I agree with Deb of Oz...that many bad snorers actually have sleep apnea. My lovely boyfriend used to snore like a freight train and I made him sleep in the guest room. He didn't like it but I was not willing to sacrifice my night's sleep and overall health just to lay in the same bed with him.

The good news is that he went to a doctor and then did a sleep study and was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Now he sleeps with a CPAP (continuous positive air pressure) machine and not only has the snoring stopped, but he is sleeping much better and has a lot more energy than he ever did before.

Most people don't realize the danger of sleep apnea and how it can affect the snorer. If you have sleep apnea you stop breathing many, many times during the night and when you finally start breathing again you tend to do a huge, rattling snore as you gasp for air. Your brain and body are starved for oxygen and it can severely affect your energy level and overall health. It's a very serious health issue but with the wonderful technology out there it's a fairly easy problem to solve.

So...for those of you living with snorers, get them to the doctor and get them to do a sleep study!

i'm really surprised by all of the negative reaction. my husband and i have a great relationship but, frankly, if we could afford it i'd love to have my own room. the man is a six foot tall blanket hog - i wouldn't mind not competing with that EVERY night.

Melissa wrote:
"I don't understand the term "master bedroom" being replaced by "owner's suite". Since when is "master" not a gender neutral term. I'm the master of this house and nobody's going to argue that point!"

The feminine form of Master is Mistress. Those words don't exactly have the same connotations, do they?

thank you arza, i was just going to say that. i can't think of a less gender neutral word than Master. it was practically invented to promote masculine authority.

We are also of the seperate bedroom types. My partner is the most adoring, loving, and supportive best friend, and greatest lover. However, we are well past our young years, and both had been single for a long time before coming together, living alone and enjoying it. We like our space, and would prefer to be together in the same house as well as be allowed to have the needed seperation we both desire. Kudos to others who realize that this too is a healthy aspect of a relationship!

"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."

- Katharine Hepburn

hey, whatever works for each couple. one rule should not apply to all. however those keys and locks are weird.

when i visited an old plantation home outside of new orleans that had separate bedrooms for the man & the wife, i was told by the guide that there was an "old egyptian saying" that the secret to a long marriage was separate bedrooms.

many old manor houses and homes of the wealthy had separate suites for the master and mistress of the house. it seems like a reasonable thing to me...and i love my spouse.

also: dual "masters" allow for unmarried non-couples to buy homes together. which in markets like san francisco and others, is not uncommon. there are also those with open relationships.... you do architecture in a place you learn a lot more than you ever imagined.

Hey ya! I came back out of curiousity because the NY AT is also posting this article. Nice to see it that it has generated more comments. I am glad the "dirty little secret" is out that some couples can't sleep together.

First, Melissa, that was a very sweet apology and I don't think I have ever seen such a thoughtful response in a Comments space from anyone. It's why I like AT. Great people here, all around. Please don't give it another thought.

And the unfortunate reality is, you are almost luckier (in the two to a bed scenario at least) if you have apnea because it demands treatment due to its serious nature. When we were first married, my husband, in a desperate attempt to find a solution to the problem went through sleep studies, weird treatments (like somnoplasty) and was about to go through a drastic surgical procedure which was not covered by insurance when a doctor saw our desperation and thankfully saved my husband the pain and cost by telling him the truth: he's incurable and it's not apnea.

Now, he COULD do the CPAP. We know all about it, and if/when he gets to the point where he wants to try it, it's his choice to do. It's a funny thing, no matter how much he hears that he will sleep better and that we might have a chance of sleeping together, all he hears is "you have to wear a mask" at night.

In the meantime, I have developed my own troubles with my back and have to sleep with a mountain of pillows and there isn't much room left for a husband. But we'll see.

What I would love (tying this back to our living space) is a remodeled en suite bathroom/closet area with a small area for a spare bed so I can tippy toe off to it after my husband falls asleep in the Main Bedroom so we don't have to go through that sad question every night: "your bed or mine?" (He's currently in the guest bedroom.)

-Chickie

Personally, I'd settle for my own bathroom and my own office. Those are the spaces I don't like sharing.

I, too, come from a 2-bedroom marriage. Happily living together for 17 years, I started sleeping in the guest room about 3 years ago due to
a) his snoring
b) my late night reading and studying
c) his early morning wake up time (2 hours before mine)
d) to steal a phrase from above, mine is a 6'5" blanket hog.
e) very small bedrooms allow only a full size bed in each room, too small for both of us to sleep comfortably without being on top of each other (except when we want to be).
It was sort of an unconcious decision, started as "once in a while" and then became all the time. But, since the full time arrangement became official, both of us are feeling more rested and the arrangement suits this happily married couple just fine.

Not sure if this will help anyone, but two of my friends had husbands that snored, and they tried some homeopathic stuff from Whole Foods Market called "Snore Stop" or something like that. Wonder of wonders it worked in both cases!

Here in South Africa, there's an older couple - 2nd marriage for both - who decided they really liked their own space. Not only do they have seperate rooms, but they bought a plot and built seperate houses close together on it! Works for them :-)

I guess it's a case of each to his own. Some folk can function one way, others another - yet, as it's been said, it's not necessarily an indication of a good or bad marriage.

Does anyone else find the term "owner's suite" a bit weird? We call ours the main bedroom - no gender implications, and it's easy to switch to saying it if you've been used to saying master bedroom.

I have my own bathroom, I have my own office, and I would love to have my own bedroom. Actually, I'm shopping for a daybed to put in my office.

I've been married for 37 years, and I love my husband beyond all reason or description, but I've spent most of my married life going to bed at least two hours after he does, so he can get the "snoring" out of his system, and settle down. Additionally, we have never been able to compromise on temperatures in the bedroom, so for all of my married life I have woken up cold ... winter or summer.

Re: snoring and sleep apnea. He's been tested and he doesn't have it. But there is a direct link between snoring and eating. If he eats before 6 or 7 p.m., he hardly snores at all, but if he eats after 7, then he rattles the windowpanes. Every snorer needs to fast for a couple of evenings and see if their snoring is lessened. It has to do with the full stomach pushing up against the diaphragm.

Husband is very much against the idea of two bedrooms. Sigh.