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I can't believe youre giving up your cat.

I'm really allergic to cats too and have had to deal with this. With the rugs, a simple professional shampoo or a couple hot washes should be enough. You're right, the sofas are trickier. I'd see if you can wash the cushions or the cushion covers, then take the actual cushions outside somewhere and beat the heck out of them with a broom. That'll get a lot of the offending dander off. Keep in mind it's the blankets and pillows too that'll have to be washed (and probably some of your clothes).

Finally, have him take a claritin or something for the first month or so until the dust and dander you HAVE brought in is settled down and vaccuumed up.

Can't really help you with the second question, but maybe you can re-arrange the rooms or select new art or paint colors together -- a change that will be refreshing for him but will also "belong" to you.

Good luck and congrats! :)

Can't he take allergy meds? I would never give up my cat.

4ddh: if you're really allergic, the allergy meds aren't enough. My aunt had three cats and regardless of whether i was on over-the-counter or prescription meds or both, it was never enough to let me stay there and still breathe freely or walk around without a box of kleenex.

if he is allergic enough that you have to give up your cat then i would just give up the stuff too. (craigslist?)
as a bonus then you have an excuse to go pick out new stuff together which will make the place seem more like your place together.

I was really allergic to cats, and I also have asthma. My ex-boyfriend had two cats, and I eventually got used to it, after taking prescription meds. I would never make someone give up their pets for me, but I guess that's just me. I also find it odd that this person would give up her cat so easily, but can't part with the furniture and rugs. I guess everyone has their priorities.

Yeah, sorry, but I'm allergic to cats to a ridiculous extent, and the cat would be a deal breaker. The anti allergy meds make me feel like a zombie (claritan clear feels more like pretty drunk). I actually got some couches from a friend that had a cat, and I ended up throwing them out. No amount of steam cleaning or whatever made it any better. I got rid of the "cat couches" and immediately felt like a new man. Hopefully your boyfriend's allergies aren't as bad as mine, but just prepare yourself.

As far as the other question, your boyfriend should understand that you're giving up something very very important to be with him. That should give you quite a bit of leeway as far as changing things. To the extent that unless he finds something really objectionable, he should pretty much keep his mouth shut.

Pet allergies are a deal breaker. I have always had a cat, and always will have a cat. When my boyfriend moved in he brought his cat, so phew!

As for the furniture....it think the best thing to do is hire someone like Stanley Steemer to come and professionally clean the whole lot. I'm not sure how much this would cost, but it seems like it would be the most thorough.

HEPA AIR FILTER!! It's a total life saver. I married my partner knowing that she has 2 cats and that I'm totally allergic to them. We had to make the following changes in order for me to survive:
1. Get a Hepa Air Filter. It is the best thing to have when you have allergies because it catches small particles like dander. This is a life saver for real!
2. Cats are not allowed in the bedroom because once the dander gets on the sheets .. it's over. If you can give up your sheets, I'd buy brand new ones.
3. With regards to your rugs/furniture. I would definitely try to get them cleaned first and if you have a vacuum that has a hepa filter or one of those vacuums that have power brushes that pick up cat hair very well, then that'll healp. But I'd also buy Febreze Allergen spray to put on all of your furniture, carpets/rugs. It's great!
4. Unfortunately, I had to vacuum or swiffer every day to remove the cat hair. I'm really hoping that you guys have a leather or vinyl couch because that'll be easy to clean cat hair off.
5. And allergy meds for sure. He might not need them EVERYDAY but for the first month or so, i'd take it everyday because it has to go into his blood stream in order to be immune to it. that's the way allergy meds work. You can just take it once and have it all go away.

As for the other persons situation with the moving in with bf and dealing with decor. Perhaps there's something that you can add to his decor to make it both of your tastes like compromise on art on the wall or some of the furniture. Or you can divide the rooms and he can keep his decor in one room andyou can do your own decor in another.

Goodluck to both of you.

I'm terribly allergic to cats as well, and though I have been involved with people who lived with cats, I myself couldn't live full time with one without significant risk to my health... I don't thinking finding another home for your cat is anything to be ashamed of, personally, especially knowing what it feels like to come close to hospitalization after a cat-dander induced asthma attack.

I would also buy new furniture and rugs. I don't think you can ever really get rid of all the dander.

I'm really not sure how you're ever going to feel at home without your pet.

Any chance of the boyfriend trying to live with the cat? It will definitely be hard for him at first, but a lot of people can get over their allergies over time. I would think that if he wants you to move in badly enough he could at least try it for a couple of months.

Agree with CaliinFrance. If the bf is extemely allergic to cats, he will still have issues with your furniture and belongings. Best to sell off the furniture and start new, and the things you buy together will be yours as a couple.

I'm allergic to my own cat, but I'll suffer for love!

I'm pretty allergic to cats, but lived with a guy who had 2 (and they were his babies so there was no question of giving them up). If there is any way to incorporate the cat into your new domestic arrangement, definitely keep the cat out of the bedroom and invest in an air filter. Get a professional cleaning service to vacuum/steam your stuff.

However, I have known allergic people who absolutely couldn't tolerate cats. A friend had adopted two cats, but five years later, she developed horrible allergies to them. Her doctor was so concerned he ordered her to re-home them, which she did after trying to live with them for several more months. They took up all the carpets and put in hardwood floors and replaced their couch and chairs. If your boyfriend falls into this category, then you might just replace your furniture and rugs in case simple cleaning doesn't do it.

I simply won't date anyone with cats.

I'm allergic and have an aversion to being shown a fur-encrusted chair to sit on or pillow to sleep on.

Keep the cat. Ditch the boyfriend. ;-)

Dang, people, it's not like she's throwing the cat out on the street.

I've read that changing the cats diet to natural or homemade will work. But bathing them often- actually dries them out and makes their dander worse.

Get/rent a HEPA vacuum cleaner and vacuum the heck out of everything.

Then get a HEPA air cleaner and a big stick or paddle. Turn on the air cleaner and start whacking the furniture/sofa.

I've read that bathing your cat once a week can control 90% of the dander. Also, there's a brush called the FURminator (available at Petsmart, Amazon) that's supposed to be amazing--they also make a waterless bath that gets rave reviews. With some OTC medication for your bf and some dander-control measures around the house, perhaps you can keep the cat?

My BF is very allergic to cats (with asthma problems as well) and initially had a problems with my cat when we moved in together though he insisted I keep her. We kept her from going upstairs to the bedroom area and he started taking some prescription allergy meds and over time he has adjusted well to living with her. He even tells the cat that he misses her when he's out of town. :) Now you wouldn't even know he's allergic to cats... until he goes to someone else's cat filled house. It appears he is somewhat immune to our cat but not to any others.

my husband is allergic to cats, but we have always had them (we have 2 at the moment, but have had up to 4) -- he brought a couple home, so there really are things that can be done.

- I recall reading (in Time magazine) that if a cat is bathed frequently for a period of time, they become hypoallergenic, as they no longer make the substance which makes them allergic. It is not the dander, as everyone thinks, but rather a substance in their saliva (which they deposit on their fur). We usually find that 3 baths in a week, and then maintenance do the trick.

- An allergic person will adjust to cats they encounter regularly, and be less allergic to them over time. They'll still have reactions to cats they are not familiar with.

-avoid carpeting or fabrics that tend to retain hairs.

I've heard of people with cat allergies getting tolerant to certain cats after a while. I'm a little allergic to my kitties.. some eye watering and sneezing is something I could live with. My BF however is really allergic to them. He doesn't live here yet but he does stay over quite a bit.

For those that want to keep the boy and the kitty I've found a few things that seem to have helped (also experience taken from friends of ours where she had 4 cats and a small downtown condo and an allergic boyfriend who'd do anything for her ... awww). I keep them out of the bedroom always now. I vacuum twice a week. The couch gets dust-bustered every day. I use a microfiber or damp cloth to keep the dust from building up on surfaces. I clean the litter box every day. I use Febreze anti-allergen sometimes, though I admit I'm kinda afraid of the stuff. I do have an air filter and I run it for at least an hour every day while he's around.

Other things you can do would be to invest in a slip cover for your furniture that you can wash. Keep rugs and upholstery to a minimum (wish I thought of that when I bought my ultra cozy chenille covered office desk chair :P). A damp cloth or rubber glove can remove fur from most surfaces really easily. If you can invest in the best vaccuum cleaner your money can get.

Doing this dilligently helps him get by without drugs, though some days he does take Aerius which he says helps a lot.

It is a bit more work, but being able to keep my cats and my boy is worth it. Treating your house like a hospital isn't such a bad thing. :)

As for the post... at least the kitty went to a good home with a friend and not a shelter or out on the streets. That would be the only way I'd part with my cats.

His allergies must be pretty bad and you must love him very much (bravo!). The cat is going to a good home so I don't really see anything wrong, and I'm a crazy cat lady.

I used to have cat allergies (I have a pretty darn good allergist and have been getting shots...), you're going to need to vacuum everything (tops, bottoms, sides) of everything with fabric, and wash down everything else - dander sticks to smooth surfaces as well. I would recommend steam cleaning the rugs and couch and then spraying with a anti-allergy solution like this: http://www.natlallergy.com/prod/1164/allersafe-dustroy-anti-allergen-spray.html

Basically, you're going to be doing a lot of cleaning.

Good luck!!

I once had a dog-loving friend who declared in no uncertain terms that she couldn't date or marry a man who doesn't want a dog in his life.

Later when she chastised me for ending a mixed relationship... Catholic/Jewish... (we were each too deep in our faith... we decided mutually that it couldn't work)
Said she... how can you end a relationship over religion? Said I... you should talk... you'd end a relationship over a dog! At least we're talking about God!!!

People..... Humans are more important than animals. Yes, it's nice to have a pet - but not over people.

I was always so bothered by my friend's hubby who couldn't give his dog to his brother... but subjected her to horrible allergies instead! Geez. Who do you love more?

That said... you'll have to ditch your cloth furniture and rugs too.

"People..... Humans are more important than animals. Yes, it's nice to have a pet - but not over people. "

If the person I was dating, allergic or not, had that attitude about pets, then I wouldn't be dating them.

Even though my boy is allergic, he understands (as a former dog owner) that pets are family and there's nothing like the bonding and companionship you get from a fuzzy little person that greets you when you come home and lies on your belly when you feel sad and lonely.

You're making the wrong choice. Keep the cat.

My boy is very allergic to my 3 cats, but we make it work. Here are some tips that have helped:

- air cleaner in the bedroom; the room is closed so at night, the air is super clean

- no cats allowed in the bedroom

- in the summer months, the cats like to spend all of their time outside which helps a lot; they get brushed out there too which limits the fur

- quercetin! It's a phytonutrient found in many fruits and vegetables which decreases histamine release, thus dramatically improving allergy symptoms. He takes it for the cats, I take it for pollen/mold and we both do very well. 1,000mg each morning.

- vaccuum frequently

- buy a really good vaccuum with a HEPA filter; I don't own it, but the Dyson's look amazing for sucking up cat hair

Whatever you decide, good luck.

Sara 48. You try living with cat allergies in a home that has a cat. My friend has a cat. I can't sit on her couch or her carpet because I get hives and my eyes start swelling up and closing, I then get asthma and my nose dribbles and I can't stop coughing and sneezing. She'll still see her cat anwyay... i don't see the big deal... especially since she's found love.

Gosh chickclick, some of us consider the furry 4-leggeds who live with us as family. Ending a relationship over a dog? Have you considered that the bond I have with my dog is also a relationship? And that my relationship came first before a future one with a boyfriend? Jeez!!

That said, the OP at least is giving her cat to a friend, and it would likely be for the best for all parties involved.

I once had a roommate who had a cat, and although I was somewhat allergic to him initially (wasn't bad - just sneezing, but if he scratched me or tried to lick me with that sandpaper tongue, I would break out in hives...) I eventually got over my allergic reaction to him. I didn't take any allergy meds. My body just learned how to adjust, and I actually think it helps you have a better immune system to be slowly exposed to allergens.

Good luck to you.

Also.

It's not our fault we are allergic to cat's people we can't just go ok I'll just deal with it an the world will be fine and dandy. You cat can't help that we are allergic to it either, I get that.

But if people say hey takes meds for it. I have one point to make with you. How would like have to be drugged up 24/7 simply to live in your own home??

If you can afford it, get a Rainbow or similar water-filtered vacuum. I still randomly have to take over-the-counter meds once in a blue moon, but really, using the Rainbow regularly, and also running it for around 30 minutes with the vacuum hose unplugged (acts like an air filtration system) in rooms once every so often has really reduced the allergic attacks.

Now if only my 2 kitties and 2 dogs would only let me Rainbow them daily :P

I can't comment on the "cat or partner issue" but I will share how I handled moving in with my partner who had strong design preferences.

1) Don't rush into making changes. This has been his place for a long time and you want to be respectful of that.

2) That said don't be afraid to say things like "Huh. I think this coffee table might be too big for this space. Let's live with it for a while, but I may want to revisit it later." Or "I love the color of this bathroom, but it feels really dark and closed in to me. How can we make it brighter?"

3) Once you've made your thoughts known, you can then go back a little later and start talking about how you can make changes that please you both.

4) Prepare to negotiate. My partner loves animal skin prints. I loath them. I like white trim. He loathes it. We are moving into our first house soon - he gets to keep his animal prints, I get white trim. I asked for design control of the bathroom and the spare room. He gets the living area and the bedroom. We'll negotiate with the kitchen.

From experience . . . keep your cats and forget the guy. Your cats give you unconditional love and will probably outlive the relationship.

He could try NAET, for the allergies.

For the second question - I always though moving into girlfriend/boyfriend/other's current home would be hard. I never tried it, but have thought that maybe one idea would be for her/him to also pack up all of her/his stuff and move it at least out into the hallway/yard - and then the both of you move in together as if it was a new home, deciding what goes where from both of your things.

Sounds like a pain (for the one already in the home), but could help equalize things out and resynch the "ownership" feelings.

Reading about the allergies might help.

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Contrary to popular belief, your animal's fur probably isn't the culprit. Allergies are caused by the body’s reaction to a protein found in the animal's dander (dead skin flakes), saliva, urine, and feathers. Though pet hair itself isn't the problem, this protein can cling to the fur when an animal licks itself. Also, an animal's fur can collect dust mites, pollen, mold, and other allergens. And any animal that lives in a cage (from birds to gerbils) will produce droppings that can attract mold and dust mites.

Source:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/question/medical/asthma_pet.html

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Which allergens will I be tested for?
Because your physician has made a diagnosis of allergies, you know that one or more allergens is causing your allergic reaction—itching, swelling, sneezing, wheezing, and other symptoms. Your symptoms are probably caused by one of these common allergens:

* products from dust mites (tiny bugs you can't see) that live in your home;
* proteins from furry pets, which are found in their skin secretions (dander), saliva and urine (it's actually not their hair);
* molds in your home or in the air outside;
* tree, grass and weed pollen; and/or
* cockroach droppings.

Source:
http://www.aaaai.org/patients/publicedmat/tips/whatisallergytesting.stm

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There are even clinical trials underway to help that the boyfriend might want to consider:
http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT00689299?recr=open&cond=%22Hypersensitivity%22&rank=43
http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT00685711?recr=open&cond=%22Hypersensitivity%22&rank=50

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A friend of mine had severe allergies and kept some mystery vials in the fridge and syringes, to give shots to herself. Just like someone who is diabetic learns to give themselves shots.

Over the counter (OTC) and prescription pills weren't enough. And she said something like "It's MY problem, no one else's problem, and I have to learn to deal with it for myself."

Folks that have food allergies do not demand that peanuts, for instance, be banned from the face of the planet. But they do need to watch out for themselves, and they CAN cause serious allergies, hence that warning on many foods. Even peanut dust, I guess, can be life-threatening.

Here's what I'm wondering about...how long has this boyfriend been around? He's never been to your place? You've never been to his? Because if it is an allergy to the cat protein, he should be having an allergic reaction whenever YOU are around too.

Why do I say that? Well, one of the links above mentions this as well:
"Remember, too, that even if you remove the pet from your home, you may not see improvements in your child's asthma symptoms for a while. After a pet is removed from the home, it can take up to 6 months to reduce the allergen levels to those of a home without pets. Even if the pet is removed, your child may still need to use the asthma or allergy medications that he or she used previously.

When your child is invited to a house with a pet, he or she should take any prescription allergy medicine before going and should (as always) bring along his or her asthma rescue medication as well."

Yes, I know it says child. But it has to do with allergies to pets. If the guy isn't wheezing and sneezing from you being in the room, after you have been around your cat, it probably isn't the cat he's allergic to.

And, because of that, I would be highly skeptical of the degree of his allergy. Because I just don't see how you could have progressed to a "move in to his place" relationship if he spent all his time wheezing and sneezing.

I've been in places where I've had an allergic reaction to something airborne. It's sudden and it's overwhelming and I have to leave the area. I don't care who it is I'm talking to in the midst of one of those episodes.

I could never give up my precious cats for a man. In a year's time the guy will be gone and you'll wish you had your sweet pets. But that's just me.

Unlike many of the people on here, I commend you for the taking this huge step! I'm sorry you had to choose between your cat and your boyfriend, I am sure that was very hard. It's funny how love is.

I think you've had enough advice on getting the dander out, the bigger question is how to make yourself at home in his home without "taking over" his home... and in my opinion, the answer is simple... include him. If he's agreed that you should move in with him, he's ready for the big changes that will come with that. Lots of people get a whole new place when they move in together, but if one of you already has a great place... why give that up? BUT, treat it as if it's a whole new place just the same. In all senses it will be because it will be "yours" not "his, plus your stuff". If there are duplicates (couches, tables, ect) choose the one that fits best. It won't be as hard as it sounds.
If your dude is clinging on to things you don't like, relax and let it go. You can always bring it up again later once he's had a chance to adjust to your presence in his daily life.

best of luck!

Because the material goods, they must be kept, we're attached to them more than the pet.

Buy new junk.

wendy-rae, I didn't think she asked for that advice, and it already seems as if she's conceded to him as well as determined to bring her stuff along.

My bf USE to have pretty bad allergies (cats and pollen) and he actually use to have asthma too, but you know you can grow out of allergies? He'll get like 2 weeks of allergies in the beginning of summer now, but that's it.

I had reaaaallly bad allergies for like 3 or 4 summers in a row (pollen) and I hardly get them anymore. I never had allergies before that either.

Anyway, we have 2 cats now, big and FLUFFY and it hasnt bothered the boyfriend since we moved in together (3.5 years ago). I wonder if it's because your body can eventually adapt over time and with more exposure. I always thought it was wierd how allergies can suddenly come and go.

It'd be great if that happened in your case, then youd get to keep your cat buddy.

Hi KTG,
She actually DID ask for the advice that wendy-rae gave--hers was a 2-part question. Scroll down a bit to see the second half of the query. It confused me at first too...

Is he really allergic to your cat?

Cats have varying levels of the proteins that cause allergic reactions. My sweetie can't spend more than 20 minutes at my one friend's house, because of her tabby cat. Eyes watering, uncontrollable sneezing, the works. In contrast, my other friend has two gorgeous, enormous Siamese/Persians which don't upset his immune system in the same way. He can hang out with those cats for hours, without taking allergy medication.

True, for optimal health, he probably shouldn't ever live with a cat. But then, I should also wash our sheets in hot water more often and never open the windows to ease my pollen allergy...

I just wanted to point this out - when you have allergies it's like being sick. It's not just some random sneezing. You feel like utter crap. You can't breathe, you have itchy eyes/face/skin/throat, and you get really tired - sometimes the reaction lasts when you are away from the cause (when I have a bad reaction it lasts up to 2 days). I'm SUPER allergic to dogs and i hate it when people refuse to believe that it is really a serious condition.

I'm allergic to cats and dogs and I started getting allergy shot when my girlfriend and her pets moved into my house. There is no way I would expect her to give her pets for me and I would never be with someone who would give up their pets to move in with me.

I hate to be sick, and I avoid the things that make me feel sick.I also avoid people that don't believe that I am sick

Wow!
And someone re-iterated that they wouldn't tolerate a dating/married relationship with someone who values people over pets?!?!??! Stunned over here. Real humanitarians!

I also want to back up what Nikita is saying. Allergies are not occasional sneezes or scratchiness. It's like a constant miserable cold. And you know what else, drugs are expensive. Have some compassion for people.

Yes, people can outgrow allergies - I've heard that our body chemistry changes every seven years. That's why allergies and other conditions can come and go seemingly at random.

And yeah... when I dated "Jon with two dogs" as we refer to him now... my reaction to his dogs became less severe over time.
(But the dogs never stopped sticking their wet noses in the crotch of my nice pants! One on each end EVERY TIME I walked in the door! I started only wearing my old/out of style/ don't care if they get ruined/ not wearing them where I want to impress people clothes over to his house.)
For the record - the relationship didn't end over the dogs... it was a human problem.

The last thing I want to add here is... some of you need to get perspective. Yes, I know people get really attached to their pets. But you have to remember they are animals. We are here to interact with people.
Adam had all the animals on earth to build relationships with... but it wasn't until God created Eve for him that he was happy.
So yeah... some people will have to give up their pets for a healthy human relationship.

I grew up on a farm and fully understood the life cycle. I lost more pets than any of you ever will. (but none of them lived in the house)

I second what Nikita said. A lot of people are seriously allergic to animals & it makes them feel seriously ill, and many people who aren't brush it off like they are being immature and selfish. MY BF of 5 years is severely allergic to dogs and cats. (He was hospitalized as a toddler because of his pet allergies!) It's really painful when people judge you and your significant other because of his pet allergies. I love my parents dog, and I understand how much a pet means to many peopl, but to criticize the OP because she is respectful of her BF's health? That's not cool!

Miss Croissant, you can get someone from Sears to come and steam clean your furniture for you, and it's pretty affordable (like $60 per couch). In order to feel at home in your new place, I think bringing some furniture over is a great idea. If there is any way that you can leave that furniture in a cat-dander-free location for a week or so before you move it to your BF's, that will do a lot to help it air out.

Also, I suggest you start saving for this guy: http://www.allerca.com/ (I am!)