apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

i've gotten into the habit, at least during winter time, of taking off my shoes in the house. tired of tracking in wet and icky stuff everywhere. my husband is generally ok with this... i put a ban on shoes on the rug in the bedroom 'cause it's a gorgeous rug and we bought it to have something sumptuous underneath our feet. but, i haven't quite figured out how i feel about asking guests to do the same. aka...if i go to a party at someone's home and they ask me to take my shoes off...while i wouldn't balk at it...my shoes make the outfit, kinda sad they won't get noticed, i'd feel bad doing that to a friend. but it would be nice that if people request you take your shoes off...they should at least provide slippers or something. definitely leaning towards the no-shoes policy...

totally hot. bringing your dirty shoes and everything else that's attached to its sole is gross. even if you do your best to avoid all the 'dog remnants' in your neighborhood, who's to say all your house guests did the same? other people's shoes are like currency. you don't know where that stuff's been.

hot, hot, on shoes off. i wish everyone had the no-shoes policy!

I always take my shoes off in my apartment, especially since it's a one bedroom with almost no entry. It just doesn't feel like there's much room to de-outside-ify your shoes before you hit the living room.

Maybe I'd feel differently if I weren't living on a pretty big street, or if I had a long hallway, or a mudroom...

In any case, most of the time, if I'm having just one or two friends over, I ask them to take off their shoes. If it's more than two or three guests, they can leave their shoes on, I'll just vacuum later and not worry about it.

I understand the pros of having everyone remove their shoes when they come in the house. If you have a no-shoes policy how do you let guests know that so they are not suprised when they arrive? There may be valid reasons for a person to not want to remove their shoes.

The Blueprint article suggests passing out slippers or socks to one's guests. I am assuming that these are re-used by different people on different occasions. Is anyone else grossed-out by the idea of sharing footwear with others?

I think it's completely rude to expect people to take off their shoes. Recently, at a party hosted by a close friends, I was chatting with someone and the hostess screeched "Let me see your heels!" She was paranoid that they would leave marks on her hardwood floors. (They didn't, and hadn't the other dozen times I'd worn them there.) This is the same person who also once trapped me on a small kitchen rug and wouldn't let me walk out of the room until she had wiped up a tiny speck of crumb on the floor. (No, wasn't my crumb.) Love her to bits, but she is psycho about those floors.

Personally, I take a "come as you are" approach. I am often barefoot in my own home when people visit, and some choose to remove their own shoes. Some don't. I'd never potentially embarass someone in need of a pedicure (or ruin their outfit) by demanding the removal of their shoes.

If you really want to see/smell my bunions, callous and shrinking piggy toe, then by all means ask me to take off my shoes - bet you'll ask me to put them right back on again ;)

But, when I am home, the shoes are the first thing to come off (well, sometimes it's a race with the bra). It feels funny to walk around my own home with shoes on and I am used to their sight so no biggie for me.

Most of the rest of the world would be shocked to discover that Americans are so rude as to wear shoes in the house. Usually you walk everywhere instead of riding in a car, and so, naturally, feet are considered relatively unclean. You would never wear dirty shoes in the house. In the states it is a bit different as most people (unfortunately) don't walk anywhere and instead ride in cars and so they're shoes are not nearly as dirty. I ask my guests to take off their shoes, but am hoping to set up an area just outside my door with house shoes available if wanted. Does anyone know of slippers that are washable? It would be great if I could just throw them in the wash after someone has used them.

I don't allow shoes on my floors at my home, and everyone knows nad respects it (except my rude ass sister). It's cleaner and more comfortable. If someone is so worried about their outfit sans shoes, they can stand by the door and tell everyone which shoes are theirs.

I have slippers and socks for my guest....who are mostly men, so they don't really care.

bb your story reminded me of a woman who's house I use to visit as a kid. During the holidays she would have some of the neighbors over for dinner and before everyone was gone she would pull out the hoover. Guest would be standing around with their mouths opened wondering why this woman could not wait at least until the guest left.

I personally don't lke the idea of having my shoes off in someone elses home. Should someone step on a tack or anything of that nature you could be in for some medical bills.

I said "hot", but only in certain situations. I think people who come over a lot, or are just there in the middle of the day to hang out, then yes, they can take their shoes off and relax. I agree with some other comments though - I am the first to always feel like I need a pedicure and don't want people looking at my feet. I agree also - a couple close friends or family over then maybe you can ask, any more than that than just worry about it after they leave - or give them the option to leave the shoes on or off. If you give them the option, they may opt to take them off more than you would think.

Just keep an eye on your Manolo's. Remember what happened to Carrie Bradshaw!

Not. Pretentious and annoying. Floors are made to be walked on with shoes. While I often pad around the house in bare feet, we like to entertain and I cannot see inviting 20-30 people over and asking them all to stand around with no shoes on. I've been at people's houses before when I was asked to take my shoes off and my feet were sweaty and stinky. It embarrassed me terribly. I would never want to make someone feel that way.

I am in the camp with the people who think it is rude to ask others to take off their shoes when they visit your home. When I am home, I rarely wear shoes, but it is rare that I feel comfortable enough in someone else's home to do the same.

Besides, you do run the risk of embarrassing people who may not know about your no-shoe policy and who arrive wearing socks with holes or are self-conscious about their feet. I may mention that they are welcome to take off their shoes if they wish, but leave it at that.

I feel that when I invite someone into my home, part of being a good host is to make my guest feel comfortable. If that means that they would like to remove their shoes, that is fine. If not, no biggie. My floors are NOT more important than my relationships or the feelings of others.

hot. and completely normal for many non-Americans. Floors are /not/ "madet o be walked with shoes" in the rest of the world, or at least in Asia.

And for the people who think it's rude to ask/expect people to take their shoes off, on the other side for those to whom this practice is completely normal, it is very very rude and ill-mannered NOT to take your shoes off. It would be akin to vomitting on your host's floor every time you came over.

I'm just saying, there's a non-American-centric view to this topic, too.

Oh, and there are washable slippers.

It's cleaner and more comfortable? For whom? The person with Athelete's foot? The person that wears orthotics? The person with an embarassing foot odor problem? The person with Diabetes that is advised to always wear shoes to protect against even the most minor injury?

Not to be all psycho flag-waving, but I don't really see the relevance of the fact that in other countries it's rude to leave your shoes on in the house. Sure, if I go to someone's house in Japan I will take off my shoes--when in Rome and all that. But I agree with those who said that here, it's rude to ask people to take their shoes off, because it's just not the norm, your guests don't expect it, so it sends the message that your precious floors are more important than your guests' comfort. I certainly don't like to be told to take my shoes off--it means I end up barefoot (b/c I was wearing sandals), which is uncomfortable, or with pants that are too long (b/c I was wearing heels), or in any case just generally annoyed.

Not all etiquette rules have to have impeccable logic behind them--a lot of them are just ground rules so people know how to interact with each other.

Wearing shoes in your home...the shoes you wear outside in public places.(bathrooms etc.) That's just gross to me. Yes, please leave the germs out of my home. Just think about using your shoes to flush the toilets in public spaces and then walking in your home with that same shoe. Later, taking a rest on floor laying your face were you walked all over. eeeeewwwww

I'm Asian and I grew up in a house where we took off our shoes. Our Asian guests understood this and followed our rules. Our American guests didn't and we didn't expect them to remove their footwear. I'd prefer to have a shoe-free home, but it's a rule that's hard to enforce if you want to have friends over. :) The thing is, not all feet are nice looking. Feet are a personal thing. What if someone has smelly feet, corns, fungi...or has shoes they don't want to take off because it's in bad shape, torn, etc?

i grew up in a completley average (non-asian) midwestern household where we took off our shoes in the foyer. who wants to be constantly vacuuming the carpet, or mopping the floors? especially now in a city, i consider this - bums pee on trains and you want to walk around my living room where sometimes guests sit because i don't have a large enough living room or chairs? no thanks.

also, if you're inviting someone into your home, they play by your rules. if that means taking off your shoes, so be it. nothing disrespectful about it.

uhm, I hate to break up the ranting but....does anyone know where I can get that rug?

:P

Dana:
The rug is "pat nixon" by Jonathan Adler. Click on my name for the link.

Count me in the "Not" category. I have serious foot problems and need to walk around with arch support at all times or I am in a world of hurt. Literally the only time I stand barefoot is in the shower.

I totally get the point of folks who don't want dirt, etc., tracked into their houses. Still... I have a few friends who have "no shoe" houses and provide a basket of slippers at the door for their guests. Fortunately they are hospitable enough to understand why I can't adhere to their policy and I am still welcome in their home.

Hot and NORMAL. In my culture/country is is absurd to even think of going into someone's house with shoes on... I would find it very weird to do so. Even if people insist you leave them on, it is just rude not to take them off. This even applies going to house viewings (when buying/selling). However a party is something different, people would generally leave them on if it was a large party like 15+ people.

It's totally normal in many Asian American homes to take off the shoes upon entry, so it's not as if being in the States means an automatic "shoes in the house" policy.

HOT. I never wear shoes in my apartment. I grew up in a "no shoes" household. For me, it is matter of both comfort and cleanliness.

However, my roommate insists on wearing shoes at all times except when sleeping or bathing. He says walking barefoot makes his feet hurt.

But I never ask my guests to take off their shoes. It seems a bit rude to me. However, most are polite enough to do so of their volition if their shoes are wet/muddy.

Totally hot. Have you ever thought about what's actually on the bottom of your shoes? Ick.

I think it's totally reasonable, but I wouldn't make a whole gathering of people take their shoes off, nobody really wants to...BUT anyone have an idea where that shoe rack is from?

I actually think it's both:

Hot -- Removing your shoes at the door. Asking friends over for a casual 'hang out' to remove their shoes, too.

*AND*

Not -- Throwing a swank cocktail party and having your guests leave their Manolos at the door. At a cocktail party, my shoes are as much a part of my little black dress as my earrings and necklace are. If I had to remove my heels and go barefoot at a cocktail party, after spending $200 on a dress, I honestly would leave. I am not wearing a party dress without heels unless I'm on the beach at a friends wedding or something equally amazing and totally called for. If you are having a party, you need to take your guests into consideration.

I thought the Blueprint signage in the magazine was a cute idea - sweet, tactful, easy going. Honestly though, all in my circle remove their shoes when they come over without me saying a word, in our house this is a non-issue.

Over the winter, we had a work crew on our brand new berber carpeting every single day. They kept asking me if I wanted them to remove their boots, since they noticed our shoes near the the door. I said NO because they kept exiting and entering and I wanted to be considerate, I mean they are construction guys... We put down drop cloth on the 'path' they walked from the front door to the work space, so it was a non-issue. Not one stain, they didn't have to constantly tie/untie their boots, and clean up took about 5 minutes.

I think balance and good common sense answers the 'hot' or 'not' debate. Depending on circumstances, of course.

Holly

Arin, just read your comment - YES I was so grossed out when I read that also, the very thought of sharing slippers with whoever visited before me - eek!

I would simply offer fresh clean socks to my guests vs. slippers.

When I go to someones home, if it's warm out and I'm not wearing socks already, I always bring a pair in my handbag.

Holly

Holly, you totally beat me to it! I completely agree.

Hot - when its just myself or a few friends casually hanging out.

Totally NOT Hot - when its a party. When my friends come over for a party, most of them are coming with their full swank on - and that most definitely includes their SHOES as part of their outfits. Besides, I'm going to be cleaning and mopping up the next day, so who the fudge cares if they wear their shoes in my house?

In the Nordic countries people carry their "indoor" shoes to fancy parties held in peoples houses and change at the door. People even used to do it here, my mom said she and her friends (back in the 50s) had shoe cases and would change out of their boots into fancier shoes at nightclubs in winter!

I'd love a bench like the one in the picture (storage shelf beneath included) but small enough for my hallway (so as shallow as possible and one third the length). Any ideas?

Hey Holly, that's a great idea offering new socks to your guests! Thanks for the tip, and I'm also a regular at your blog.

I wish I had room for bench. We have a no shoes policy at home for ourselves. Others generally get the idea when they see us remove ours or see the pairs by the door as you enter. If they don't remove, so be it, but it's much nicer to walk around your apt without shoes when you know that it is relatively clean because you don't track the streets of NYC all over. We've a couple of nice persian rugs also so...

Oh it was on the Blueprint site too! Thanks anyway though!

btw, HOT is beating NOT by quite a bit so however grossed out you are or how pretentious it seems to you, you are in the minority with your 'Nots'

I generally find that most people just take off their shoes right when they walk through the door, which is great, since I have a new sofa that just says no to shoes. I either have the most polite friends on the planet, or the tiny size of my NYC studio screams "Take your shoes off!"

I HATE that. Every once in a while I'm at someone's home where they expect people to take their shoes off, apparently so we don't damage their precious flooring. At that point I feel like turning around and going home. Where's the hospitality? They can have their stupid floors. Apparently those are more important than their guests. (I'm not defending tracking in mud or extreme things like that - but as others have noted, floors are MEANT to be walked on! Hello.)

I try to always have a good pedicure, but one issue for me is that I love to wear high heels - wear them literally all the time - and very few people see me at my 'real' height. Especially when I'm dressed up for a party, I feel ridiculous walking around without shoes.

I was once at someone's house for a dressy brunch - people were in dresses, ties, etc. - and she expected everyone to take off their shoes AND THEN she had a pile of slippers she expected everyone to choose from - they were all these crazy clown-shoe-type huge thick foam slippers! I haven't gone back there since.

Note to all the shoe-removal advocates: It's just one step away from covering your furniture in plastic.

I also have foot problems and have to wear arch supports at all times so taking my shoes off wouldn't really be an option.

I think if you're entertaining it's rude to ask people to remove their shoes. If you're that concerned about dirt, maybe you shouldn't have people over. On the other hand, if it's just family or a few close friends, I don't think it's a big deal.

This has actually become an issue in my family. My brother-in-law insists on it and my family generally complies, but unfortunately he doesn't just ask you to remove your shoes. We will lecture you as to why it's necessary and then scan the bottom of your shoes and point out examples of why you should be taking them off. It's a very inhospitable atmosphere.

Living in a country that is cold and wet for a good percentage of the year, people just automatically remove their shoes here when they enter someone's home. It's just a reflex: no requests are even required. In the summertime, I'm not really too bothered if people don't remove their sandals - after you've been walking around in flip-flops all day, it's debatable as to whether your feet or sandals are cleaner, plus it's not too difficult to clean up after people as long as their footwear is not dripping with slush and salt.

For those people who feel it is rude to ask people to remove their footwear, do you feel the same even if they show up in snow-covered boots?

Although it is definitely my preference that people remove their shoes, I wouldn't ask a guest to do so if I sensed they would prefer not to.

My husband and I have a no shoes policy for ourselves in our apartment but don't force it on others. Most of our friends willingly take of their shoes without us asking, probably because they see our shoes in the hallway. However we always tell them they don't have to fit they'd rather not. I would only request that someone take off his/her shoes if the weather was bad and s/he was going to track in mud or snow. I find that when I go to someone else's house I automatically take off my shoes, unless I'm there for a large and/or dressy event.

In Hawaii it's an insult to walk into a home wearing shoes -- it's customary for everyone to leave their shoes outside the home or just inside the door if it's raining. Even in the schools shoes are not worn into the classroom, but left lined up against the wall in the hallway. When my son first started school, I was surprised to visit his elementary school and see tiny little slippers lined up outside each classroom.

It's a no-brainer in my home -- no shoes. I'm also Asian-American and it was the norm growing up. I can't fathom the logic behind wearing shoes in the home (except physical foot problems, of course).

As for foot issues such as bunions, fungus, etc... don't y'all wear socks???

I think a lot of people find the idea of being asked to take off your shoes to preserve the floors very inhospitable, and I agree with that. But in my Asian household, it's unthinkable to wear shoes inside, it's a cultural issue based on hygiene, and most of my guests catch on without my having to tell them.

I do agree however that if you have a party where people are dressed up, it would be rude to ask for people to take off their shoes - I'm not having such a party in my tiny Manhattan apartment anytime soon, but in that case, I'd just deal and clean my floors very carefully after the guests leave.

Not. We take our own shoes off when we come in and wear flip flops which cuts down on a lot of dirt and scuffs but I would NEVER ask a guest to do the same. I think it shows that you care more about your home than your guests. Rude.

Count me in as "both". My wife and I don't wear shoes inside (we usually wear "indoor" sandles or slippers). Most friends coming over would likewise take their shoes off.

However, if we were throwing a party forget it. Everyone comes in wearing whatever they want. The idea of having a bunch of nicely dressed people standing around in their socks (or having women in evening wear with socks) is just strange.

We are going to be vacuuming and cleaning the floor the next day anyways, so who cares.

Hot. I like the idea of my apartment as a comfortable place where people can take off their outer shells and just be comfortable, and taking your shoes off is really conduicive to that too. If there are holes in your socks - feel free to take those off too. Of course, if you need arch support, I'll make an exception.

I've also never had a swanky cocktail party at my apartment where anyone came in pearls and a little black dress. I'm more a ratty t-shirt girl....

I guess I'm just weird. Well, we all knew that anyway. I stand at the door and say to my guests "Please leave your shoes on". They take 'em off anyway. I wear shoes at home all the time, just don't like walking on my floor without them (not a hygiene thing or anything, my apartment's a rental with non-cushy carpeting -- shoes are more comfortable!) If people arrive in boots in the winter, and didn't bring shoes to change into, certainly they can walk around in their sock/stocking feet, but I don't like having to do the same when I'm out (I always take shoes with me, and sometimes feel obliged to leave them with my boots at the door because in this part of Canada it seems to be the norm to remove your shoes at the door.) I'm out of step.

woah! the taker-offers are so serious for the taking off! I had no idea people got so wild for the taking off of the shoes. I'm almost willing to suggest that taker-offers carry hand sanitizer everywhere they go and not-taker offers probably adhere to the 3-second rule. HUH!

If I'm going to a fancy party in winter, I sometimes wear snow boots or other boots with my dress TO the site, and bring my real shoes to change into once I get there.

(Side note: My responses come from the perspective of someone that hosts and attends lots of dressy/semi-dressy parties at people's homes, so when I think about this question I think of it as someone arriving with no socks and strappy high heels.)

But I still hate the policy across the board. Yes, I understand that traditions may differ in other countries/cultures, but what does that have to do with what we do here? Would you post on AT Japan - if it existed - and say THEY are rude for wanting everyone to take off their shoes, b/c Americans don't, so the Japanese tradition must be wrong? No. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in Lilybeth's apartment, keep your shoes on.

I have a friend from Norway who lets it be known that you take your shoes off to come in. Although a little odd at first, I always felt cozy visiting because my shoes were off. I say shoes off. It's more welcoming.

I think it's a matter of hygeine rather than keeping the floors scuff-free. Do you want to walk barefoot on the things people track in on the bottoms of their feet? For people who are overly concerned with foot odor or other cosmetic concerns, plan ahead and bring indoor only shoes, slippers, or socks. For people with podiatric conditions that "require" constant footwear, I suggest finding a new podiatrist who can teach you how to take better care of your feet. I'd be happy to recommend a few.

Quiet night with friends: off (and I have a whole bin of wool socks)
Gathering with any expectation of style/costume: on
Places/times where it's wet & snowy and people wear BOOTS: off, OBVIOUSLY.

How's that for a wrap-up?

Also: that's some chutzpah, accusing people with foot problems of somehow being at fault and negligent for not visiting a (your?) podiatrist. Deep breaths, people!

You wouldn't walk barefoot on a subway platform, would you?

I have a friend who complains, and walks fully into my apartment and THEN takes his shoes off. What a jerk!

I don't understand the people who complain that they don't want people to see their foot fungus, corns, or other misshapen foot features. Don't you wear socks, as you should, with your shoes? Perhaps if you did, you wouldn't have foot fungus, corns, or misshapen foot features.

All the advice here -- take socks, indoor shoes -- and the justifications -- it's filthy to walk in the house with shoes -- are eminently reasonable. It seems these people with foot problems are also rude, and don't know how to be good guests. Not only do they not care about their own feet, they don't care if they get your floors dirty!

It's deja vu all over again. Here's the link to the previous loooong (150 comments) discussion on this:

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ny/good-questions/good-questions-is-shoes-off-at-a-party-proper-006082

Maybe we should just paste in all the comments from the old thread into this current thread so everyone can give it a rest. I can't imagine there's anything new to say on this, although there's always a new fight to pick.

I'm a designer who meets clients in a home/work environment and was wondering what your thoughts were on the topic. The entrance to my foyer is wood, then carpet throughout and some clients, upon seeing this have simply taken their shoes off and others have kept them on. As a courtesy, family and friends, leave their shoes at the entrance, but I feel a little awkward asking clients to do the same. Is there a (visual/design) way of communicating this request? Or should I just not bother with it? Would love to know your thoughts.

Reading this thread makes me realize how paranoically (sp?) obsessed Americans are with the concept of being "sanitary". Like the growth of these carry-along hand "sanitizers" and anti-bacterial soap - all of which go towards helping to breed even stronger germs.

Meanwhile, the last time I was in North Africa, I pooped in a hole in the ground! And from friends who've lived in India, they tell me that the daily commute on a crowded train brings with it a whole new experience in the area of B.O.

Which just goes to say, each his own, I guess. For me, it comes down to whatever the socially acceptable manners are for whatever society you are in.

And in the States, my guess is that asking your cocktail party guest to remove their Manolos and Jimmy Choos probably falls on the side of...rude. Likewise, for guests tromping around in slush covered galoshes or Timberlands, I'd think NOT removing your galoshes of your own accord would also be....rude.

There's nothing less dignifying than being invited to someone's home for a party and showing up in your little black dress with pantyhose and carefully chosen heels and being told to remove ones shoes. I don't like the assumption or the suggestion that I bring dirt with me or am so ill-mannered as not to wipe my feet before entering a home or checking my shoes if I've walked through dirt. My husband and I, however, are used to this now and always remember to bring slippers or socks when invited to friends' homes. It's a good idea to stash these in the glove compartment of your car in case you arrive at someone's house and are requested to take your shoes off and are sock-less.

I love Blueprint magazine but hated this article.

I think it's fine to have friends remove shoes, especially if you have rugs - saves a lot of cleaning. A few people beat me to it, but watch out where you leave your Manolos!

And another thing ... I think it makes perfect sense for YOU to not wear shoes in your home (I always take my shoes off and wear slippers), and after all, you and your family create the most traffic in your home. What's a little dirt from an occasional guest? Just clean it up after they leave if you're paranoid they've tracked something dreadful into your home.

One of my friends was specifically told by her landlord (this was in London) that stiletto or kitten heels would damage the floors and that she would be responsible for repairing any damage, so she included a no-heels policy in every invitation she sent, much to the amusement of most male guests.

Sure enough, some guests always came wearing heels anyway, and one person actually caused enough damage to the kitchen floor that my friend was left on the hook for $1,000 in damages now that she's returning to the States. While I would never dream of asking guests to remove shoes in my home, I also own; where there are extenuating circumstances like this I think a little compassion is warranted!

I would prefer to be told in advance of a "no shoes" policy (on the party invitation for example, or informally by the phone) so I am not suprised once I get to your home. That way I can actually choose if I want to visit your home or not. I recently went to a gathering and I was surprised by the host's "no shoes" policy...he just said "shoes go on the rack" and pointed to a bench on the foyer. I was even more surprised because his floors didn't seem all that clean. I could even see pubic hair on the floor! (NO I'm not kidding!!!!). I felt put on the spot because I insisted on keeping my shoes on. Also, I'm a diabetic, and my doctor tells me to keep my shoes on at all times to avoid cuts and punctures that could get infected. Also, I have tremendous respect for other cultures but playing the cultural card is not necessary. In any case, a lot of cultural reasons may not apply to urban, every day living. For example, not many people I know sit on the floor to socialize, we don't sleep on the floor on mats and we don't set our dishes on the floor either. My own cultural experience is different (I'm not an American by the way) but I never impose my views on others. I can only think of somone like my parents being invited some place and being asked to take off their shoes. You may as well ask them to take off their clothes. They would be absolutely mortified. Why do that to people?

Ok, here's a dilemma. I have a dog and he sheds. Unless I've just vacuumed and could guarantee there's no pet hair on the floor, I would never ask guests to remove their shoes. Pet hair + sweaty feet = stuck on hair that I'm sure my guests would not like. Black socks + white hair = yuck.

I have a small rowhouse, so for me it's shoes are ok on the first floor (hardwood) and shoes off for the upstairs (light coloreed carpet). I have lots of shoes, and it's a little bit of a pain to carry different shoes up and down.

So, I'd vote "both", but it's not an option.

Hot for me. I'm not fussy or concerned with germs; it's just the way I was raised.

But I had no idea that some people were so opposed to taking off their shoes in someone's house, barring medical problems, that is. I was always taught: their house, their rules.

For those who are against wearing shoes indoors because of germs, urine, dirt, etc., I'm wondering if you have pets that go outside? Not only do they not have shoes but their fur is covered with whatever they were rolling in that day!

1. I also grew up in a no-shoes-indoors house. And I hated it.

2. But now that I live in the NE, I also take my shoes off in my apartment because - white carpet + dirt/slime in the wet spring/autumn/winter = gross stains. But in the summer - my feet are usually dirtier than my flip-flops after a full day of walking aruond so I actually don't take them off in the apt or I washmy feet in the tub if I'm in for the day.

3. And as often as I clean - I don't want to have to vacuum/scrub my carpet/floors daily. With guests, unless it's a particularly horrible weather day, I don't mind shoes in the apartment - as long as they keep to the living room/kitchen. Shoes in the bedroom seems extra unsanitary to me.

4. To the people with bunions, fungus, etc on their feet...maybe you have so many foot problems because your feet are always encased in snug, airtight shoes? Let them breathe and let your toes relax and wiggle! Taking your shoes off in your apartment or in other people's apartments will be a little vacation for them. Besides, better to stink up their place with your feet than your apartment, right? Just kidding.

5. When I go visit friends, I usually keep my shoes on because - they all wear their shoes in their apartments...plus, their floors are on the grimy side and I don't want to pick up some new strain of fungus. We all just try to respect each other's habits/cultures/homes. What's so hard about that?

What's with all the "Don't you wear socks?" comments? Hasn't anyone heard of sandals/open-toed shoes?

I, too, hate to be asked to take my shoes off when I'm a guest, unless I go there so often that it just makes sense (if I feel ok just opening a friend's refrigerator, then I'm ok with taking my shoes off). On the other hand, I do take my shoes off in my own place, but only because I have my house flip-flops to change right into.

But the real reason I'm posting is out of frustration with the people who seem not to understand medical reasons for wearing shoes all the time, e.g., bunions. You're an idiot if you think these kinds of things are caused by wearing shoes (ahem, people with these sorts of problems obviously don't wear shoes to bed, so it's not like their feet are "trapped" as you seem to think). My sister just had her second bunion surgery (one on each foot). She's 22. Her bunions were caused by genetics, not by wearing shoes. It would be very uncomfortable for her not to wear shoes if she's walking around. Don't assume that because you don't have such problems that other people are wrong for not following your plan!

I think my toes might scare someone if I wore sandals. ;p

But seriously, the question about how other cultures view the shoes on/shoes off issue got me thinking.

In ancient Greece (and other cultures in the Mediterranean world BCE), guests were treated as honored, especially the traveling stranger. Not only were guests given food and shelter and pride of place at the dinner table, they might even be treated to gifts. (A tradition carried on, to some extent, by today's college student who generally keep an overnight "Open Couch" policy for friends, friends of friends, etc.)

For me, part of keeping a healthy home is adopting a Mi Casa, Su Casa attitude when guests are over.

Almost all Asian households I know have a no-shoes policy. Growing up in such a household, it's odd to think of people walking around in their own homes with their shoes on -- it's like wearing your coat or carrying your umbrella around with you.

Flip the question: is it rude to take your shoes off in a "shoes-on" house?

I'm Canadian and every other Canadian I know or have talked to about this issue takes thier shoes off in the house-- even my dual citizenship fiance. Actually most people I've talked to think that Americans are really weird when it comes to this issue of etiquette (not to mention comfort). To each his/her own, but I thought the analogy of the coat or umbrella was really apt. I would find it disrespectful if someone didn't take off thier shoes at the door and tracked thier city filth onto my clean floors.

Where I grew up it would have been as rude to take your shoes off uninvited as it would be to take your shirt off. Rules change. I preferred going barefoot until I tore a tendon, and now have to wear orthotics at all times to avoid worsening the injury. So I don't take my shoes off anywhere, now. Even at home, which is a drag. But I wipe them on the doormat, and if the weather is bad, I change into indoor shoes.

Also, I think using your foot on the toilet-handle to flush is insane and disgusting. Nobody's peeing on the handle in the ladies bathroom, but now I have to touch the handle where your disgusting shoe has been? What about the old ladies who can't stand on one foot? What about little girls? I've heard other people say they do this. Is this custom widespread? Then why don't manufacturers just make pedal operated toilets?

Jenny --

Totally agree with your point. What people think in far off countries like Japan, Norway and Canada is irrelevant to us Americans. As Americans, we choose to exercise our freedom to wear shoes in other peoples' homes. Asking guests to remove shoes is not just rude, but unamerican.

Don't believe me? Look at this link. Some freedom-hating shoe-removal nazi gave an award to the place where removing shoes in peoples' homes is most customary. And guess where that was? AFGHANISTAN! That's right, folks, home to the Taliban, you know who, and taking off your shoes.

http://shoesoffatthedoorplease.blogspot.com/2006/08/this-weeks-national-etiquette-award.html

YCH - Thx - the Interwebs once again scaring me about people!

And not to go on a far tangent, but I was reading the other day about how cultural custom dictats how we emotionally perceive color. For ex., we are always told that the color red is an emotionally aggressive color and should avoid it places where we want to be "calm" like a bedroom. But I read that in China, for example, the color red is very common and is seen as an emotionally calming color.

This is a genuine question for shoes-inside people; when you wake up and are getting dressed etc, do you put your shoes on then? Or is it the first time you go out? (I am curious because I don't actually know any people who do the shoes-on-inside thing)

My shoes almost always come off at the door ,However I would never ask guests to do the same; as a guest in someones home where that is the rule, I would and have obliged.It's your home you set the rules.Thats why socks with holes always get recycled or tossed you never know when you have to shed the kicks, or maybe I should just learn to darn.

along the ideas of signage, here's one i created (a little politeness with humor mixed in):

http://yian.home.die.net/pics/2004_Christmas/shoe3.jpg
http://yian.home.die.net/pics/2004_Christmas/shoe4.jpg

yes, i am asian and grew up wearing no shoes in the house. my husband is anglo and never really thought about his no-shoes house. but friends would come over who'd ignore the line of shoes at the door, so i finally got tired of it and made a sign.

i say when you're visiting, you abide by the host's preference. and if the host is throwing a party, the host shouldn't expect guests to be standing around in socks/bare feet, so shoes are ok in that instance.

Ami, I'm one of those people with foot problems, and yes, I do put something on my feet the minute they hit the floor when I'm getting out of bed. In cool weather it's slippers with arch support and in warm weather it's slip-on sandals with arch support.

Like I said above, the only time I stand barefoot is in the shower.

FWIW, to the person who "helpfully" suggested seeing a different podiatrist--I've had these problems since childhood and no doctor is going to wave a magic wand and make them go away.

It's been interesting to read this discussion and see how strongly people feel about this issue!

I guess if I ever come to a party at the home of someone who feel so strongly about shoes coming off, I can spend the whole evening lounging on the couch and the host can just bring me refreshments. (Waiting on me hand and foot?)

;)

What happens if someone's foot has fungal infections. Then everyone else get it as well..

Can you imagine Holly Golightly asking her party guests to remove their shoes before entering her swinging domain? Unthinkable. Swanky and chic have nothing in common with bare, stockinged or slippered feet.

I live in a shoes off apartment, the result of living with a Turkish boyfriend. I also am grossed out by bringing the outside yuck inside. Our friends always slip their shoes off when they come inside. I will say though that occaisionaly a stinky boy will have stinky feet which can really put a damper on dinner...

Remember gracious entertaining? Anyone that was a gracious host or hostess would never ask anyone to remove their shoes. They would assume that people would catch on if they take their shoes off at the door. I don't ask anyone to remove their shoes but since I always take mine off at the door people usually follow suit. If there are issues, they don't, everyone who comes to my house is welcome there, however they come. If I am concerned about what's on their shoes, I don't invite them

Thanks janel!! Wonderful rug but...600 is out of my range. oh well! Thank goodness i like to window shop. :P

For the record, I grew up in and still live in a shoes-off household. I've always been rather disturbed at the number of people who find a shoes-off household offensive. They refuse to realize that (for my household) the floor isn't just "a surface you walk on". For my family, it's a sitting area. We sit & lie down on our floor just as we would on a couch. For you to walk across my floor in shoes is like me walking across your couch in shoes. Since I walk/lie on my floor, it's quite free of pointy objects, so don't worry so much about puncture wounds. ;)

As for the "you're in America, not in Japan" argument, that's a rather ugly argument. Yes, we're in America, but that doesn't mean that everyone lives in exactly the same manner. America is supposed to be a melting pot of cultures, and different cultures have different expectations. Just b/c I live in America doesn't mean that I've abandoned my Asian traditions.

I was raised believing that the guest should conform to the host's behavior (i.e. "When in Rome..."). Expecting the host to yield to your whims (assuming no serious medical issue) is self-centered -- you're staying with a friend, not a hotel. If having dinner w/ a host who does a blessing before each meal, I would respectfully bow my head -- I wouldn't ignore the blessing and start eating. I don't see why taking shoes off is any different.

The only exception that I'd make is for a formal dinner party (which we've never had -- we prefer informal ones).

Frankly, if you're the type of person who refuses to remove your shoes w/o a good medical reason, I don't care to have you in my house anyway.

PS -- Yes, some shoes-on people are uttery disgusted by people who take off their shoes, which I didn't realize until participating in a similar "hot or not" discussion. After learning that, I asked all my shoes on friends if they found my shoes off behavior disgusting (luckily, none did). But now I know to ask first!

Ami, I don't think anyone was suggesting that folks living in the States who come from foreign lands should abandon their cultural conditions. Not at all.

However, as far as a general American "culture" - we sure as hell have one here. This country was never a "melting pot", regardless of how much our Disneyfied version of high school history might claim otherwise. At BEST, its a stew - lots of separate chunky bits which mix in part, but not completely. If anything, what we have is an overlay of an primarily English speaking, Anglo-Saxon culture which has gradually evolved through its interaction with other cultures, but which cultures is has eventually subsumed into itself to make an American culture. Consider the quintessential American fast food: Hamburger (German), fries (French) and milkshake (invented by British emigrants to the U.S.) - it origins are in their turn from abroad, but were utterly and thoroughly "Americanized."

As far as self-centeredness goes, some (myself included) would think it the height of selfish self-centeredness to invite some into one's home and then boss them around. In my "culture" (such as it is), guests are to be honored and granted pride of place. When guests are in my home, I don't treat them as if THEY are privileged to be in my house. Rather, the opposite: *I* am privileged to have them visit. As such, I would never demand of them to remove their shoes or anything else for that matter. (Although if they arrived in snow covered galoshes and proceeded to immediately jump up and down on my sofa, I might ask them if they needed a cocktail and a wet towel to calm down with...)

All of which is to say, to each their own. But I'll still think it bad etiquette to ask a guest to remove their shoes.

Wow. So many polar opposite reactions!

We fluctuate between wearing shoes and not - when it's winter, it's usually just socks, shoes are off at the door. But in the summer, the windows are open, the dog is in and out all day, and there is a lot of dust that blows in. I am too busy to sweep and mop every day, so it's flip flops.

One of my friends has 2 babies, and they request all shoes come off at the door, because the babies crawl on the floor, and there are germs that can be tracked in from the subway, and other various locations.

No shoes policy is totally hot. I refinished 2000 square feet of hardwood floors (don't subscribe to This Old House magazine when you've been drinking margaritas...) and since the final coat of poly dried the mandate was clear. Shoes at the door please.

I have stacks of $2 cotton Chinese slippers (men's and women's) at the door. Use 'em once and take them home, or write your name in Sharpie (brand marker) on the slippers and leave them in the basket for your next visit.

My veterinarian explained that there are terrible things that can get tracked in and harm the kitties. Not cool. They are our children (we don't have to send them to college! or hand them the car keys! ever!) and I would do anything keep them healthy.

Our friends in Prague have a no shoe policy, as well as friends in Japan and Los Angeles. Boston is learning to adapt.

First time visitors get a warning that it is a "no shoe house" and to wear good socks or get a pedicure. Tiny, tasteful gilt-framed sign on my front porch reinforces. Exceptions made for the elderly (elderly, elderly) only.

no shoes when there's snow. no brainer. dirty water puddles and the headache of cleaning it. any other time no big deal.

Your vet sounds insane - the idea that cats can't deal with the germs of the outdoors is totally beyond any sound scientific basis as to call into serious doubt your vet's credentials.

Cats are one evolutionary step away from wild critters - even more so than dogs. A cat that is abandoned to the outdoors can easily turn into a feral cat - completely at home in the muck and easily able to fend for itself off mice, rats, pigeons, and whatever else it can get its paws on.

Sometimes I wonder if people, due to the poor quality of scientific education in this country, forget that the mammals on this planet (and that includes human babies and kitties) have highly complex, well developed immune systems. Immune systems, by the way, which appear to need some exercise (i.e. exposure to germs) during their early child development phase in order to properly develop the antigens to ward off allergies, asthma and illness later in life.

In other words, an overly sanitary environment may be bad for your kid.

hot in my own home. Not hot in someone else's home (unless they have slippers for me) or for guests to my own home. But then again, my apartment is so small that I can only have about 3 extra people in there before it's full.

where's the super cool hanging object from?
also, anyone know where the bench is from?
enjoyed reading the posts!

kan:
The "Ghost Tree" coatrack is by Erich Grinder and is from designpublic.com.

The bench is from ABC Carpet and Home 212.473.3000.

Oh, I forgot to mention I do ask all my guests to take their shirts off. To do otherwise would be offensive to me, my household, my culture, and my policies.

For the person (who? can't remember) who asked: yes, I also put on sandals with arch support before my feet touch the ground in the morning, and wear them until I step into the shower, and so on. I know it sounds like a lot of bother, but I'm used to it and need the support; you should see me and my plantar fasciitis stagger to the bathroom in the middle of the night, it's pathetic.

I do wish my roommates were a little more sensitive about how much DIRT was in their treads because I'm the only one who cleans the kitchen floor, but for normal street shoes without deep work treads and/or clumps of mud attached, I'm not gonna fuss.

I'm definitely in the camp of leaving the shoes at the door, it's not about protecting the floors, it's about a home as a sanctuary. However, for groups of six or more, I won't ask, as I will be mopping the next morning, so all the nastiness from the outside world will be washed away. I also provide clean slippers.

My question comes in the form of service people: the cable person, the DHL rep., the Super... Since they're in for a few minutes can you reasonably ask (and expect) them to remove their shoes?

You can't really block them from entering further into my apt.(due to my alcove studio's layout - NYC circa 60's - fellow Big Apple dwellers are probably familiar with this standardized box). But, I must admit I get the hee-bee geebies when they march right in with their shoes on. I could mop up after them of course, but that's a little too OCD for me.

What do others in the "hot" category do in this situation. Thanks!

Asking a delivery guy or cable installer to remove their work shoes/boots before coming for the 10 minutes or less that they are they is the height of self-centered, anal rentetive foppery. These people are there to do a job - they aren't your manservants.

Get a grip on yourself, pour yourself some herbal tea and RELAX.

Shoe removal is par for the course around here, but we make exceptions for parties & workmen. The floors get cleaned immediately after those guests leave, without exception.

I have mixed feelings about this one. Certainly within our immediate family (myself my wife and 3 boys under 5), everyday and especially in winter or when raining, removing shoes on entry is a good idea. On the other hand, when hosting a party, rules of hospitality should supercede this rule as not everyone may have presentable feet or presentable socks, and may have put a great deal of thought into matching their shoes to their ensemble.

Anecdote: I once attended a dressy New Year's Eve party in the newly purchased condo of a couple in which all the guest were asked to remove their shoes -- RUDE! If one is this concerned about the health of the floors, then he/she is too uptight to host a party.

I have a sort-of-related question ... in my home, shoes are allowed and encouraged. But I'd like to protect my hardwood floors from dirt and moisture. I've thought that lightweight vinly mats would protect and still be easy enough to clean with a damp cloth. Does anyone know where I could get something like this? I've looked at JoAnn's at their vinyl upholstery ... something along these lines, but precut.

Re: Dave's comments.
"However, as far as a general American "culture" - we sure as hell have one here."
I agree for some things, but I don't think that's true with respect to shoes. In Hawaii (which is part of America), it's very common to take off your shoes. America is physically large enough that culture is not homogenous across the US. Regardless, I don't think one should expect that "American culture" is homogenously practiced in every household.

As for who has right of way -- guest or host -- that's obviously a difference in opinion/social contract. For many Asians, the guest is given honor/respect (e.g. prime seating at dining table), but at the same time the guest is expected to minimize his/her impact upon the host. If the guest does ask for something, it's done in an apologetic manner.* When both guest/host subscribe to this same social contract, no problem. It's when guest/host don't agree on this social contract (e.g. me and Dave) that it gets a mite ugly.
*I'm generalizing and not explaining this as thoroughly as need be, but there are many books that explain Asian etiquette for the traveler.

Re: LilybethDC's shirt off requirement.
Out of curiousity, if you visited a Muslim household that required you to wear a headscarf that ruined your professionally styled hair, would you do it? (For the record, I'd be annoyed internally, but I'd do it b/c that's what the host wants.)

To the degree that there may be regional microcultures, such as households in Hawaii that tend to favor an Asian influenced no-shoes policy or whatever other cultural practice one may be talking about, does not disprove the rule. If anything, the fact that it is distinct to one specific geographic local is just stronger evidence of a general rule.

One can point out countless instances of a narrow or limited variation to a general rule and still have the general rule follow. And you can still have a general American culture that is influenced by other cultures and still have that general American culture remain and subsume the rest within it. Is it completely homogeonous? No. But that is not the same thing as it being completely heterogenous either.

The myth that America is just a mix of parts that is different from how the rest of the world operates is just that, a myth.

Its as illogical as to argue that because of the presence of North Africans in France there is no general French culture. Or that because of the presence of Turks in Germany, there is no general German culture. Likewise, does the presence of almost 2 million ethnic Koreans in China mean that there is no general culture identifiable as "Chinese"?

Forgot to add, I've found the following list about American cultural signfiers kinda interesting, particularly how much of it rang true:

http://www.zompist.com/amercult.html

Some of the one I found esp. funny:

Comics basically come in two varieties: newspaper comics and magazines; the latter pretty much all feature superheroes.

The people who appear on the most popular talk shows are mostly entertainers, politicians, or rather strange individuals. Certainly not, say, authors.

You think of Canada as a pleasant, peaceful, but rather dull country, which has suddenly developed an inexplicable problem in Québec. You probably couldn't explain why the Canadians didn't join the other British colonies in rebelling against King George.

You consider the Volkswagen Beetle to be a small car.


They have links for a lot of other countries, too.

"Re: LilybethDC's shirt off requirement.
Out of curiousity, if you visited a Muslim household that required you to wear a headscarf that ruined your professionally styled hair, would you do it? (For the record, I'd be annoyed internally, but I'd do it b/c that's what the host wants.)"

That's an easy one. No, I wouldn't do it, b/c I see that as a sign of oppression of women. I wouldn't go somewhere that required women and men to sit separately, either. Etc.

I don't participate in traditions I find offensive. As these things go, shoes off/shoes on is of course pretty innocuous. I'm not really offended by it - I am being lighthearted in my replies here - just annoyed b/c I think it's prissy and ugly at the same time.

Oh, and inhospitable. And stupid.

OK, I guess I am somewhat offended by it! ;) LOL Just not on the same level as being asked to don an outward symbol of female oppression.

I'm all for taking off shoes when entering a home for sanitary reasons. I usually make exceptions when asked or when I have a party. I just think it keeps a home cleaner. Some of this probably comes from my mother and her mother.

None of our friends ever looked uncomfortable taking their shoes of. We're friends, we're not there to appreciate each other's outfit, but each other's company. No shoes needed for that!
'Business Guests' get to keep their shoes though.
It's no question of dirt, rather to preserve the very old hardwood floors. We actually walk barefoot in the house and go to the garden and terrace like that as well. Great feeling and feet are easier to clean than shoes.

>It's cleaner and more comfortable? For whom? The person with Athelete's foot? The person that wears orthotics? The person with an embarassing foot odor problem?

You know, you wouldn't GET athlete's foot or foot odor or any other type of fungus or bacteria if you didn't keep your feet smothered in dirty shoes all the time. Bacteria and fungus survive where it is warm, dark, and damp. If you take your own shoes off at home, your feet would spend much of the day light and dry, and you'd never develop those problems. Isn't it disgusting to have your feet rotting off the ends of your legs, anyhow? Yish.

FWIW, we're "mostly no shoes". It we're, say, packing the car for a long trip, exterior shoes stay on when we're in the house. If we invite over friends, we don't tell them anything, but if they take off their shoes on their own, GREAT!

>Consider the quintessential American fast food: Hamburger (German), fries (French) and milkshake (invented by British emigrants to the U.S.) - it origins are in their turn from abroad, but were utterly and thoroughly "Americanized."

Um. Dave? Sorry. French fries are not French. They are made of frenched (cut into strips) and fried potatoes. Changing frenched to French was a linguistic booboo. There's nothing French about them.

And hamburgers? Yeah, they're really not from Hamburg, either Hamburg Steak was actually salted minced beef cooked in a hard slab. Ground beef patties served between two pieces of bread were entirely American.

Hot...I have a no shoes rule, except for large parties and no one minds....I always remove my shoes automatically when I visit

Lydia - yes, I am aware that the modern American-style hamburger was invented here. But its origins comes from German snakes that involved pieces or meat on a bun-like roll - which German immigrants brought with them to the States, where it was Americanized to the modern burger.

As to the origins of the American style french fry, once again, you are bit off the mark. The term "to french" cut a food actually POST-dates the appereance of the French fry (both the food and the word) in the American lexicon. As to its origins, there is strong evidence of its French origin - including from a recipe that Thomas Jefferson's French chef Honore Julien cooked for him, as well as recipes for fried potatoes in French cookbooks dating to the mid-1700s that spread the popularity of the recipe to the American table by the early 1800s. Of course, one can look further back and there is evidence that the recipe for thin cut fried potatoes came from Belgium or possibly even Spain, prior to spreading to France. However, as to its last point of origin prior to arriving in the U.S., it seems France is the strongest candidate.

Whoops - that should be "Snacks" not "Snakes", as in "Snacks on a Plane"

Hot, sort of. I wear just socks around the apartment because 95 percent of the foot traffic here is me, and I assume the floor will stay pretty clean as long as I don't wear shoes. When entertaining, I often leave a couple pairs of shoes stacked at the door in hopes that people will get the hint. Most do, but I would never force those who don't to remove their shoes.

When visiting others, I follow the hosts lead. If they answer the door shoeless, I take mine off. For those of you who are strict about shoes-off, you wouldn't need to offer me slippers. I actually like being in my sock feet.

I think it's fine to encourage guests to take off their shoes but not demand it.

We regularly attend holiday dinners where the hosts have a basket of house shoes for guests. Because wearing those slippers grosses my mom out & she has foot problems, she brings a second pair of shoes to slip into.

LilybethDC - obviously, the "don't you wear socks?" question doesn't apply to people wearing open-toed shoes/sandals, because if they're wearing those kinds of shoes, they aren't worried about hiding foot problems.

it's a common practice in my country to take off your shoes when you enter a Malay house. i'm from singapore and a malay. i was brought up in a No SHoes policy and i love it.

HOT. Not just because I have a brand spankin' new dance floor on the entire first floor and most of the time it's only dancers who come over and change into dance shoes, but also because I have a brand new carpet upstairs in the tech lounge. There will be washable slippers and a bunch of those socks with rubber nubs on the bottom for nondancers. I have no qualms whatsoever about asking guests to change, but again most of them will be dancers coming over for house parties so they are used to it.

We don't wear our shoes in our house, we have a 10 month old who crawls on the floor. To tell the truth, it never occurred to me to ask them to take of their shoes (for the record, its shoes off in Austria too. I used to live there)

We recently had guests who stayed the weekend, and they kept their shoes on the whole time (except sleeping). They were my inlaws so I was apprehensive about saying anything. I was really grossed out though.

I don't know if it's rude or not to ask your guests to remove shoes. It probably depends on your relationship, but I would much rather visit a house with a shoes off policy and be asked to remove mine, than one with a shoes on policy. Usually when I visit houses in which shoes are worn, I am not comfortable removing my shoes, or sometimes even sitting down because the floors and the furniture is so dirty (from putting shoes up on it)

Removing shoes at the door is so HOT.

To YCH, thankyou very much for advertising my blog 'Shoes Off at the Door, Please.

I am not a freedom-hating Nazi, as you describe me.

I think America is a great country and I would love to visit.

I believe Freedom includes the freedom to decide who you grant entrance to your home. And that means the freedom to keep out people who refuse to remove their shoes. Your home. Your property. That is freedom.