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I used to be a big fan of gift certificates because I tend to be a very picky person but now that I tend to shop at small local shops its harder for people to purchase gift cards for stores I frequent. There is always the option to buy a gift visa card which the recipient can use at any store.

I end up regifting most gifts or sending them to goodwill because more often than not, people buy things that THEY like or that are on sale without ever wondering if you will like the gift. Most people buy gifts just for the sake of it. I think it's much better not to give anything than to give something that is essentially rubbish (even if it is expensive).

fabulissime, I'm totally with you. I guess maybe we all have to be scrooges about the occasional gifts until people get the hint and stop giving random stuff. Has anyone ever successfully brokered non-exchange agreements?

If at all, I tend to receive gift cards for stores I just don't shop at frequently. They are like getting a book or a picture frame. Good example would be Borders. I can certainly spend it all, but I don't like to own a lot of books and they don't have a great selection of CDs (I'm not exactly a music junkie either). It's a nice friendly gesture, better than something I don't want at all and can't exchange. I'm curious if the survey was a list of trite gifts, or a fill-in-the-blank, where people would overwhelmingly think a necktie was a bad gift.

I don't like candles at all. That's another generic gift. It almost doesn't matter if the person giving knows you love candles or just thinks it's a safe bet a woman in her 30s would like it. I personally hate scented candles of all kinds, but if you love something and someone knows that about you, they invariably get something in the category because it's easy to go to Pier One and just get one, or that tacky seasonal kiosk with the psychedelic wizard-shaped candle, but the more you really like something, the pickier you're going to be about which ones you'll honestly appreciate.

Flowers die. They're usually nice enough and then you don't have to worry about them that long if you don't like them. So, for the most part, not an awful gift and you can speed up the process. It's not a terrible gesture. Alcohol is one of those that goes both ways too. You can wince on the inside if you don't drink, if you are in fact a recovering alcoholic who wishes people would stop considering alcohol a charming little gift; it's kind of presumptuous, but you can speed up the consumption of the gift by giving it to someone who drinks, save you from shopping a little.

Hickory Farms is a giant red octagon. Nobody likes this.

Whatever happened to enjoying whatever gift you're given? I have very picky taste when buying things for myself but I tend to use and enjoy whatever gift comes my way. Why not? So what if that scarf my sister gave me isn't my taste...it doesn't hurt to throw it on when headed to the grocery store.

My friends, family and co-workers tend to just ask what people want. It works out really well that way.

First of all, i think flowers are a great gift. I love fresh flowers in my home, but it's not something i'm likely to spend money on for myself. Plus you can't really go wrong, no matter which flower you choose - they're all beautiful to me.

I've been torn about this question lately. It's very difficult to find the perfect present for everyone, but I also don't like getting candles and odd picture frames, which will never find the right place in my home, but like-wise I don't know what else to do with them.

That said it really bothers me when my in-laws will actually say they can't use the gift or don't like it and actually hand it back to me as if I should replace it. I try to buy from stores that I know the person can return/exchange the item and can do so gracefully, without alerting me (in-laws haven't figured this out yet).

While I admit that I like receiving gift cards, I always feel a little weird giving them to adults, since it seems kind of crass to highlight how much I spent.

Last year, I told my family that rather than gift certificates, etc. for Xmas - just to call the Holland America Line and put some money in my shipboard account for my Winter Cruise...

...I need to let them know to do the same thing this year.
:-)

This MUST be on the "best gifts" list:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=230312770726

Gifts like candles, photo frames, bath products, and slippers always seem to demonstrate that the giver has no creativity. Gift cards always seem like impersonal to me. Might as well hand them cash.

However, sometimes when I hardly know someone, I have to resort to giving a gift like that, especially when a gift card seems inappropriate. A good example would be a newish boyfriend's parents or siblings. For those types of I usually turn to a nice scarf in a neutral color for women and a gadget/tool for men...like a LED flashlight.

One exception to the candle or frame situation, I think, is if you know the person's style and pick out something to match stuff they already have or if you frame a special photo.

I spend weeks scoping stores for the perfect gift every year, and the only person I can never find anything for is my Dad. He usually gets a new pair of jeans because he wears them out so fast (mainly because the drivers seat in his car is stuffed and rubs in a certain spot on his butt).

I think the best gift for any person, however is art. You can pick up really inexpensive pieces on ebay or local stores, and they don't have to be big paintings or anything, just a vase or a small sculpture. Most people will appreciate it as a lot of people think they can't afford to own art, or don't know if they are buying something good (as an artist, I've seen a lot of crap that people actually think is fantastic, but hey, its subjective).

This is why Christmas is confusing to me.

Most people - even people I truly sincerely love, much less people I am just obligated to give to - most people don't really want or appreciate the gift, no matter how small or how large. It's totally disheartening to think my sister will return it - no matter what - or that my best friend is the worlds worst regifter, or my mother-in-law will no doubt have a huge "christmas in july" garage sale.

So what is the point? Should we just exchange $30 gift cards and be done with it? Why not just keep our own $30, buy ourself a gift that we "really" want, and be done with it?

WHY? Because that's not Christmas, that's the 11 other months of the year.

Have we really all gotten to the materialistic place that we don't appreciate the simple gesture -- the idea of the season? Even the fact that they grabbed what THEY like, or bought it with no other thought in their head than it was convenient. They still had to go to the store, wrap it up, bring it/send it to you. ALL should be respected, and appreciated. Not just the gift itself.

Ok, off my soapbox. :-) And off to buy some neckties and candles. :-)

I also like candles and think they are a great gift, however, I buy beeswax or soy candles for myself, ususally with light, natural scents (if any at all). Unfortunatley, my family translates that into "oh, she likes candles" and I wind up with a three pack of Yankee Candles in toilet bowl cleaner scent --once I even got a festive ceramic lampshade that goes on top! ANYONE, who has ever been in my home, should know that this is not my style, but I guess my family can't figure that out.

I wish I could be like caw261 above, but I usually give away more than 90% of my Christmas gifts to charity -- I just don't have the space or patience for things I don't really like.

I would MUCH rather have brunch or dinner/cocktails, play a few games, listen to music, etc., to celebrate the holidays with adults than exchange gifts. Kids are a different story -- they like toys and as they grow, they need new things each year.

If you really cannot think of something/anything to give someone then maybe you just don't know them that well... why not give a gift that the two of you can enjoy together?

PSA On Behalf of Crazy Cat Ladies Everywhere: I have cats, yes. That does not mean that I want notepads, stationery, coffee mugs, jewelry, t-shirts, figurines, serving bowls, tables, or coat-hooks that look like cats or feature cat imagery. I get to look at actual cats all day long, so there's just no need to decorate with them.

If the absolute only thing you know about me is my crazy-cat-lady-ness, but for some reason want to buy me a yule gift, then get the cats some tuna or catnip or mousy toys or a PetSmart gift card.

Thank you in advance.

No gifts this year. We just moved to a new house and spent far too much money on drapes and furniture and stuff like that, so at most, we might do little token things under $10 just to have something to open and joke about. I haven't exchanged gifts with my family, out of state, in years since we all started giving checks to each other in the same amount and decided that was truly dumb!

I think there is no obligation to give gifts, especially for people you don't know well enough to understand (and honor) their taste. If you still feel compelled, I say give consumables: stationery, food, drink, or an experience -- theatre tickets, concert tickets, a museum visit to an exhibition they would like, something like that. (I once gave my domestic partner a visit to a new indoor sky-diving place... he loved it!)

Apparently ESP isn"t working for a lot of you out there so why not actually communicate with people and let them know what you would like for the holiday.

Wether it be a gift certificate, a donation made to your favorite charity in your name, chances are pretty good that not only will you be a happy recipiant but the giver will be happy also.

I think food always goes over well. Nobody complains when I pick up some macaroons from laduree, and my father is always thrilled when I bring home gourmet chocolate. Personally, I would love for someone to bake me a cake or something similar.

but you should probably avoid giving food as a gift to those who are overweight. it might send the wrong message and/or piss them off.

About 82 times a year the husband and I find ourselves purging our home of STUFF. And it doesn't matter how much we give away, we somehow still have some seriously crammed closets.
It's depressing.

So, to prevent this, we have reverted to our 'Dear Santa' days and, the past few years, have made gift lists of the things we ACTUALLY need/want. We include a picture, a description and websites that offer the lowest possible price. It's less stressful for everyone and less, you know, in general.

On the flip side, we enjoy getting our loved ones experiences as gifts, like a fun skill class at the local community college or a membership to a yoga studio for my stressed out Mother-in-Law.

Also, I happen to like Hickory Farms. All of that cured meat and cheese...mmm. If HF made chairs, I'd eat those, too.

The room appears to be filled with a bunch of bah-hum-bugs.
For those who can't appreciate a gift for the simple thought put into it (this seems to be MOST of the commenters here) then it seems you don't deserve to be given ANY gifts at all. From anyone. EVER.

AZKathy - Christmas isn't Christmas.. what I mean is that the season overwhelms people with obligations to people they might not even know very well, to be in the spirit of giving... something. Yes, in fact, I would be very happy to receive nothing. Nobody believes this. Stores are full of crap and songs and subliminal notions that you have to have something to hand to someone who you know about x much or more. It is a cultural dance we do, if for no other reason than the calendar on the wall says it's time to do this now. In a truthful and honest way, where I'm not hurting your feelings by saying I didn't like the gift you gave me, I can express myself and my relative lack of enthusiasm for some gifts I have been given, and obviously I'm not alone. This is the dark side of Christmas. Some people receive just as obligatorily as they gave.

But
"Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And there where you have your other 11 months accounted for, it should really be all 12.

I think adults need to establish different expectations for different people during the gift-giving season (or get rid of expectations altogether). You really cannot expect that relatives you only see once or twice a year will get you the exact expensive thing you wanted. Your co-workers also cannot be counted on for this. Perhaps your spouse can do this, but not everyone is blessed with the gift of perfect gift-giving.

Personally, if there is something I really want, I get it for myself. I tell everyone else something I think they can handle financially and intellectually, if they ask me directly. I told my kids the name of my favorite candy or magazine, and told them I like homemade pictures as well (to go in a scrapbook). I told my husband the name of a book I want, as well as the stores I enjoy (I also told him absolutely no jewelry this year). Personally, I would just be happy with the back massage he gives me every night, but he insisted on me naming something he could buy (a nightly massage from the guy you love is PRICELESS). I told the rest of my family gifts I would really use - apron, silicone baking liners, a new tupperware set. They laughed at me, and said I was being cheap, but I can't stand telling them they bought something expensive and I need to return it (wrong size, style, color).

okgoodanswer, srsly? What? Don't give food to "overweight" people, because, what? They might eat it?! Heavens forbid a fat person eat some food! Good lord! They should subsist on amphetamines and celery until they're thin enough?

What's the "wrong message" that a gift of food might deliver to a fat person?

And, really, the only people I know who are "pissed off" when they encounter food are people with active eating disorders - SKINNY PEOPLE with eating disorders.

I actually quite like gift cards and cash! Even if it does seem 'impersonal', it's still miles better than, say, the bag of make-up samples, only partially used, that my aunt and uncle gave me once. (I was twenty! I don't need a mostly-full bottle of 'age-defying foundation'!)

Gift cards all the way. Especially for book stores.

Are your aunt and uncle named Dursley, by any chance?

I always buy myself the exact expensive thing I wanted at Christmas with part of my Christmas bonus. This year I bought some stuff from Anthropologie, because no one in my family will ever set foot into that store (they could buy picture frames for $0.99 at Walmart, after all). That way I get what I wanted, and I can just enjoy gift giving with my family and friends, without worrying that no one got me a Voluspa gift set. And my entire apartment smells like huckleberry a week early! YUM!