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I have a question about entertaining; specifically for seated dinner parties. What is the rule of thumb about assigning seating? I am expecting 8 people of which there will be 3 couples and two singles. (and no, there are no plans to try and hook up the two singles!)

I always thought that you broke up couples to facilitate better dinner party conversation, but one of my couples is balking at the idea of not sitting next to his partner.

Etiquette mavens, please help me!

Let me comment on this from a personal level. I am a bit slow to "warm up" to a group of new people. I would much rather be seated next to my wife and give myself some time to listen and watch the others during dinner. This usually gives me a good idea of who to start talking to when the mingle portion of the night happens. I would probably seem cold and uncaring sitting between 2 strangers and not make for any good conversation.

Just my thoughts!

I think if the group all knows each other well, breaking the couples up would be fine and even welcome. But as someone who is very shy, I would prefer to stay close to my husband in a group of new people.

Even if you do split up the others, I would listen to the request of your friend who wants to stay by his partner -- happy guests trump etiquette!

From Julia Reed:

"Separate couples. In my firm opinion, seating couples together shows a lack of imagination. In 1788, the book The Honours of the Table deemed placing the sexes alternatively around the table risqu. Soon afterwards, though, it became the norm."

Her other tips:

"· Invite a couple of good conversationalists. Though the food should be excellent, of course, it's the conversation that is the essence of every dinner party. In Victorian England, hostesses competed for the best talkers, with Robert Browning being in particular demand.

· Guests should have common ground. In one of the most famous books ever written about food, The Physiology of Taste, published in 1825, French culinary philosopher Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin decreed that in order to have a successful party, guests should be carefully 'chosen so that their professions will be varied, their tastes analogous, and that there be such points of contact that the odious formality of introductions will not be needed.'

· Twelve is the max for conversation, but take into consideration the size of your table. One of the most festive dinner parties I ever hosted seated 12 of us shoulder-to-shoulder. The enforced intimacy of the space spilled over into the conversation.

· Host and hostess should sit at separate tables. At least once a year, my mother gives a large, seated dinner that requires not just her dining table but round tables spread throughout the house as well. She and my father each anchor one, and close friends, also well-known to the other guests, host the others.

I am usually most comfortable sitting next to my husband in a group of new people. I am a little shy that way.

However, at one of the most energetic/fun dinner parties I have ever attended, the hostess insisted we all sit intermingled. No name cards, we all just grabbed a seat next to someone we didn't know. We were also asked to sit in boy-girl fashion, so the girls couldn't gravitate to one side to chit-chat. Everyone was very lively and sharing great stories. The conversations involved everyone at the table as a whole (I think because of the boy-girl set-up).

I was definitely out of my comfort zone, but it felt good and refreshing!

I think etiquette requires the mixing of guests for an obvious reason.
Those of you who would feel 'more comfortable' next to your spouse seem a bit selfish to me.

What do you think of the two singles in the group who are not even there to be matched? How comfortable do you think they'll be?

Speaking as a lifelong searching single... I'll tell you that it's mighty difficult to break through a couple or two. Especially if they're 'shy'. They're talking to each other. And in general avoid singles. And couples talk to other couples.

Maybe it would be good for you to be as uncomfortable as the other people in the room for once.
As they say, builds character!

I agree with click chick. The way Meg's host did it is good, telling the guests the plan so it's sort of lighthearted and mom-ish and not all awkward and overly formal. It seems like it would be an ice breaker just talking about it instead of telling everyone where they are seated without explaining why. I'm very outgoing and can talk to anyone, so I would seat me next to someone who is on the shyer side.