Over the years, my car has not only been my ride, but my office, my changing room, even the place where I grab a nap. Like it or not, much of our lives happen while we're getting where we need to go. But there's something else we do in our cars that we never talk about: we cry.
City living leaves precious few private spaces; if you share a home and a workspace, it's rare to ever be truly alone. A car, with its pod-like feel, can be a refuge. Closing that door after an especially difficult day or a disappointing meeting, the car can feel like a haven, a space where you can finally exhale and let your guard down ever so slightly. Sometimes that tiny release is all it takes for the tears to start flowing. Add to that the meditative nature of driving and a particularly poignant song on the radio, and I'm surprised I make it anywhere with my mascara intact.
And I'm not the only one. I recently pulled up alongside a beautiful, sad woman at an intersection. I might have mistaken the expression on her face for calm as she waited at a red light, except for the fat tears streaming down her stoic profile and dripping off her chin. She looked peaceful, almost happy, and so captivating that I couldn't look away. She didn't notice me watching her and, when the light changed, drove on her way.
Who knows why she was so weepy on that day? Perhaps she got bad news or maybe she was simply taking advantage of some precious solitude while traveling from a crowded office to a chaotic home — clearing some stress to prepare for the next phase of her day. Seeing her private emotion, so raw and open, is an image I'll never forget. In fact, thinking about it now makes me misty. It reminds me that sometimes, the best way to deal with the pressures of life is not to distract myself with more activities as is my habit, but in fact, to do nothing at all. Only then can I find the mental space to address accumulated emotions, to clear the decks and refresh with a good cry. But only if I can find somewhere to do it.
(Image: Shutterstock)
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Oh good, I'm not the only one. The car is the best place to cry.
I remember crying on my way home from work one evening and pulling into a parking lot to regroup and fix my face. I could see another woman doing the exact same thing only a few spots away.
So glad to know I'm not the only one. In fact, sometimes the car is the only place I CAN cry, even if I want to. I just get a better cry in the car- sloppy and ridiculous. Then I clean up my face, step out of the car and, voila!, I'm back to stoic me.
Hooray for not being the only one! Although I still don't want to admit exactly how often I do this...
Even though I live alone and should be able to get a good cry in privacy at home, I never do. In my house, there are too many distractions whether its cleaning or TV or the computer. Every time I've cried in the past 2 years, it's been in the car on my commute to or from work. I think something about the routine allows my thoughts and emotions to wander.
I've cried in my car, but I do pull over because by then I'm an emotional mess and not too good for anything else.
Can't even remember the last time I cried, and if I ever cried recently it was probably because of a random song. But yes, a car is a good place to shut yourself in and let it out, even if, in my case, it's just for a heavy sigh or a compulsion to vent frustration (alright, swear) without worrying about anyone hearing and judging you.
My car is definitely my place to decompress, and I've done my fair share of crying there.
I have the annoying eye condition called Dry Eyes, and my eyes water in strong light or even if the AC blows in my face. It is so annoying to be driving and trying to wipe my eyes enough to see, without causing an accident. I'm sure sometimes fellow motorists think I am crying. When I arrive at my destination, I'm all red-eyed with a mascara-streaked face. So I am not car cryer. I think it might be dangerous, and t me, it's not a "good" place to have a cry.
Don't do anything that you wouldn't want your mother to see when you are in a car. As a teenager I kept a scrapbook of Polaroids that I took at stop lights of people doing disgusting things with their nose. The pictures were always a great hit at parties. Gross but funny.
Doesn't city living mean you should probably be able to take public transport as well, rather than a single occupant vehicle?
Anyway, I haven't had a good cry in a long time. I recently got teary eyed in a department store because I had a giant wave of homesickness, which is really rare for me. But actual crying is something I can't recall.
My deepest, darkest, most cleansing cry was in a parked car.
My deepest, darkest, most cleansing cry was in a parked car.
I did a snort laugh when I read the title because, it's happened to me. Screaming in the car too.
Yeah, come to think of it, I cry in the car and shower - both feel private and safe. Interesting.
@Granville - I would totally buy a compliation of that. It needs to be a book. Or a tumblr page.
the_asp, you nailed it--the shower is definitely the best place for crying!! Because it's so easy to clean up as soon as you're done. :-D
I've done that. And sometimes when I'm really stressed and just over-full with energy, I scream as loud as I can until I can't take it anymore. It's a good release! I remember when I was little and I felt like that, I would go outside on the porch and scream into the night. My dad pulled me inside before the neighbors could launch a child abuse investigation. :)
ADELE
I now live in a city where I take public transport, but when I did have a car? Fuhgeddaboutit! Long commute + recent break up + the initial release of Adele's "Rolling in the Deep" = not bothering to put on make up until after I got to work!
As a parent, it's hard to find a place to cry where it won't scare the children. They can handle teariness, but not the huge, heaving sobs that are sometimes necessary. For a while, I kept a pillow in the back of my minivan, so that I could climb in the back and bawl my heart out in peace, in the garage. I shared this trick with a recently-bereaved friend, after she learned her shower did not drown out her sobs as well as she thought. When her husband asked their two-year-old what they had done that day, the little girl answered, "mommy cried in the shower." Truly, the car IS the best place to cry.
The car is often where I have a good cry, especially after work. It's where I can finally just let go.
I always thought I was the only one! The car and the shower... Best places to cry. The car is also a great place for yelling and venting some anger... On a deserted road, that is. Don't want to scare/offend other drivers.
I have cried many times in the car, but never in the shower. Being originally from a drought-prone area, my showers are very quick and methodical. I think I would feel guilty if I used extra water to cry.
Which is probably environmentally friendly, but not really very emotionally liberating. Sigh.
Such a timely post. Just today I was thinking about how, when I was in college, if I ever had a particularly stressful day or was feeling like I needed to clear my head, I would get in my car and drive down route 18 in NJ - and then take the scenic route back up along the shore, by all the gorgeous beachfront homes. Sometimes I'd park and have a good cry, other times the beautiful drive was enough to clear my mind. It's so sad that drive has been destroyed. I hope it rebuilds better than ever!
Is this the therapy part of Apartment Therapy?
This post took me right back to one from early in the year about how we build walls in our life: real and metaphorical.
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/melting-the-walls-opening-up-to-love-168156
Sometimes I think Maxwell is full of crap, but he was pretty right on in that post. :)
I'm not a very loud person, but I got really sad/angry recently and learned about the marvels of screaming in your car. (I'm fine now and car screams haven't done anything for me since. At least they were there when I needed them!)
I was trying to have a private sad moment in the car when I was parked on the street one day. My then baby daughter was asleep in her car seat. My husband had just left the car to get take out food for dinner. I was tired & feeling sad & needing a few moments to collect my thoughts to try to feel better. Then a concerned citizen knocked on my window scaring the crap out of me! He asked me if I was ok. Ugh. I know he was just being nice, but I didn't appreciate it at the time as I really just wanted peace & quiet for 5 minutes. I was polite to him though.
Thankfully, I don't get that way very often. And now my kids are in school, so I can cry in the shower if I need to while the house is empty, save for me :)
And yes, Adele can really make you cry! That & listening to Story Core on NPR Friday mornings when the alarm goes off.
Just heard Story Core (Corps? idk) for the first time today. My word. It comes on in the afternoon here, I don't think I could take waking up to that. But I am going to try to catch it again.