i do all these things too. Nothing worse than coming home after a trip to crustified dishes in the sink and junk laying everywhere. If I'm returning home on a Sunday I like to make sure there's something in the freezer I can eat on Monday so I don't have to make an emergency grocery run.

Schedule a pet sitter to feed and water the kitties and collect the mail.

Send itinerary to a close friend in case something happens to me (I'm often travelling in the wilderness where serious injury/rescue is a valid concern); if I don't return within 24 hours of my due date/time, they have instructions to alert a ranger and make sure the cats are cared for.

Make sure there is a bottle of wine awaiting my return (this last trip, my pet sitter drank it after a hard weekend, so I guess leaving a care-package for house-sitters should be considered).

Take out the trash.

Double check my bank balance.

Set email auto-responder.

Where is the deer figurine on the mantel from? Thanks!

take out the trash

unplug tv, vcr, lamps, etc

close blinds

cook and freeze extra food so i don't have to throw it out!

All of the above
Hand a copy of my apartment key & mail key to my neighbor - in case of emergency.

I put a vacation hold on mail; suspend paper deilvery (i have it re-started the day before I get back, so I can catch up on the local news); if it's a long trip I put the water heater on vacation mode; make sure there is room on TIVO for my must-see-TV, clean, fold & put away all laundry, turn off computer and other electronics....

I do all the above as well as go around and unplug all unused appliances, such as the hair dryer, some lamps, toaster, KitchenAid, wine cooler (after emptying it :) ). It saves energy!

Clear out the Fridge.
Pay the bills online.
Leave a note for the building manager to put my mail in my hallway.
Do all the Laundry and put Clean Sheets on the Bed. (but I never iron before a cruise anymore: when the luggage arrives I just hand all of my shirts to the steward for him to iron, then I have everything laundered and drycleaned before packing to return home.)

The last things I do before walking out the door is take out the last of the trash and turn on the dishwasher.

Take out trash - throw out perishables (fruit, refrig food etc)
Water plants indoors and out
Move indoor plants to areas with light (skylight, etc.)
Make sure gas heater/pilot light off/stove is off
Check doors and windows locked
Close blinds
Forward phone to voice mail
Put club on car and lock up car
Turn off all lights

Longer trip -
Mail hold card at post office
Get friend to check up on house
Disconnect car battery - I've been gone 3-4 weeks and the battery is dead on return. Most cars still draw current even when turned off (blinking lights, clocks) Based on your own car, determine if this is necessary or not.
Unplug appliances, lamps, etc.

I wish my dishes were always done, bed made, laundry clean when I go on a trip. ;-) Usually I'm in a panic to pack and get out of the house and I leave a mess as I strew about items which I thought I would pack, but them removed, etc.

make the bed
make sure the toilet is not running
take out the trash
feed the cat/arrange for her to be fed
close the blinds
make sure the dishwasher has finished running
lock the door

either i'm not taking long-enough trips or you guys have an enviable amount of time and energy

I do (most) all of this too and I love it! The more I visit this website the more I find I'm not the only person who does these kinds of things.

TAKE OUT THE TRASH! I once walked in my apartment after a long trip and my roommate, who was on a trip herself, had left crabs in the trash can. The whole apartment reeked!

thats my dream checklist. as much as I hate to come home to a messy apartment (or love to come home to a clean one), in the frenzy of packing I am lucky to not miss my flight!

I always turn off the taps to the washer. I knew someone once who had a washer hose rupture while they were away and water flooded their basement for several days! I also changed my old rubber washer hoses to the flexible metal ones just in case! I also had a pet sitter once bring ALL her laundry over and clog my washer with dog hair. That was the last time she pet sat for me.

Checking my bank balance now. Great idea about the wine!

I make sure to clean the house top to bottom and throw out any food that will expire. I also like to make a pot of soup or stew (something that freezes well) so that when I get home I am not forced to go grocery shopping as soon as I get home. When I come home from a long trip, I want to know that the only thing I have to do is throw my laundry into the wash and take a nice long shower.

speaking of pet sitters, always always ask for and follow up on references! that's in case the sitter isn't a reaaaally close friend.

the last person who took care of my cat lived in my place while i was away (nearly a month) and it was a disaster! she was a friend-ish former coworker too so you just never know.

Don't forget to check the microwave!
The night before a big trip we tried to eat all the leftovers in our fridge, do the dishes and clean up. When we came back two weeks later and went to heat something in the microwave we found blue fuzzy rice. Each grain individually coated with aqua-colored mold. Yuck!

I always make sure that the auto-timers on my lamps are set. I have two timers, and each can be set for two different times. I set up a pattern that most resembles my movements when I am home. It may not actually fool anyone, but it gives me the peace of mind I need to relax while I am away.

Wow, you're all very organised!

I'm usually up until 2am packing the night before I go on a trip.

At minimum, I take out the trash and do the dishes.

I have a roommate, though, who is usually here when I'm not, so that makes it a bit different.

Oooh, speaking of burst pipes...if you're leaving for a long trip and it's still below freezing outside, set your thermostat at 50 degrees, or something like (depending on how cold it is).

I have an ex-boyfriend who went home once while his parents were on their Christmas vacation; he found the heat on so he helpfully turned it off to save energy. His parents were NOT pleased to come home and discover that a burst pipe had put a three foot hole in the exterior wall in the living room. The phone call to my ex went something like..."uh, why is there SNOW in the living room??"

stephanieokay,

You just said it! I knew that there had to be people like me... I should have figured that it would be my fellow AT readers!

I love coming back to a clean house. I do a lot of the things you mention but I've learnt a few more now ;-)

I set a timer switch for one light in the living room that turns on for a few hours every evening. This time I also remembered to mail my rent check post-dated with a note to the landlady saying I'll be away. I too like to cook a little something and stick it in the freezer to have something to eat the day I arrive.

Rock on AT.

my number one thing to do is not to call my mother for a ride to the airport.

I can't deny the pleasure of coming home to a clean apartment, but my mother used to get the whole family to clean the house before going out of town when we were kids and it pretty much scarred me for life (right up there with never getting a pony). If nobody was home, were we cleaning for potential burglars? It just made no sense to me. So the dishes get washed, the trash gets taken out, and the sheets get changed, but that's it. I have to dust again when I get home, anyway.

I do most the above, especially unplugging everything and removing trash.

I also do several other things to make sure someone appears home to discourage robbers including:

several lights on different timers

leaving *inexpensive* kids toys in the backyard/porch

leaving toys scattered on the floor in front of ground floor windows (in case someone looks in)

leaving a place setting on the kitchen table with a newspaper (can be seen from the street)

having a neighbor picks up mail/papers/flyers and waters exterior plants (if its the winter, have someone shovel if necessary)

depending on neighborhood, leave a car in the driveway (rather than the garage)

"...come home and discover that a burst pipe had put a three foot hole in the exterior wall in the living room..."

Um, burst pipes result from water sitting in pipes that freezes and therefore expands within the pipe causing the pipe to split open (often at joints) resulting in water leaks causing water damage...
...burst pipes don't blow holes in the side of your house.

Wow. I guess I'm in good company. I just went on a trip and I spent the week before it doing laundry, changing sheets, washing all the dishes, taking out all the trash/recyclables, watering plants, eating the rest of the food, etc. But I should have been working. I have realized that things will be OK if you don't get all that stuff done. When I return, even if there's gross food in the fridge, I will survive. I also realize I should be cleaning the house all the time (and also backing up my laptop data). So this time, I just did the essentials, which turned out to be a long list, but I left the floor unvacuumed, the stove dirty, the mail unmailed... And I still thought my house looked so clean when I got back. Once you've shared a room with someone else for a week and get back to your own "giant" apartment, it's just great to be back home.

***Very important for everyone living in apartments/condos - Make sure your alarm clocks are turned off!! There's nothing worse than being the neighbor to hear it...

wow, i thought i was ocd. but that's usually reserved for my packing.

mixing and matching tops bottoms shoes for hours. but my apartment escapes with the cursory dish-washing, trash relocating, and unplugging of appliances. usually forget to water plants or clear out the fridge.

sisero, i think i accidentely left mine on when i went away for 4 days. oops. i always forget! how long do those things buzz? do they eventually cut off?

i emailed everyone in earshot when i got back and apparently no one heard it cause they were outta town too.

The very very very last thing I do before I walk out the door for a long trip is sit down on the couch for a minute and try to clear my mind. It's at that exact moment you'll remember some detail you forgot, like all of the great advice above!

Anyone know where that pendant is from?

Also, don't forget to make sure the garbage disposal is empty. I cleaned out the fridge before a month long business trip and came home to find that I forgot to run it before I left.