Since moving in with kids about a year ago, my sense of how long a room should stay tidy once it's been cleaned has gone out the window. There's just always something, some mess happening and I'm learning to go with the flow. And one trick that really helps me stay sane is creating an area of refuge.
I'm a big fan of the Happiness Project where Gretchen talks about really practical ways to experience more happiness day to day. One of them is finding an area of refuge. Basically when you feel yourself spiraling down into bad feelings, you choose to think about a few "phrases or memories or scenes that fill you with peace or good humor and they act as your area of refuge."
I like to apply this idea to the things I can see. So in our house, there may be dishes all over the counter, laundry to fold, toys around every corner, mail and catalogs scattered and piled and no food in the house to eat, but I choose one area of refuge and I spend 15 minutes on it. Normally it's the dining room. If I can get all the chairs pushed in, the table cleared and wiped off and all the things that don't belong in there put away then I can let go of the rest of the house for the day. It gives me a place to rest, an area of refuge from the visual chaos happening all around.
I find it particularly helpful to focus on one area because 15 minutes will go a lot further than if I divided it up around the house. Having one room clean (sometimes I'm tired/don't have time so the one room is the bathroom, or the landing strip by the door, the top of my desk or just the tops of the washer and dryer) instantly calms me since outward order seems to contribute to inner calm.
What's your area of refuge? Do you have one?
(Image: Laure Joliet)
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laure, i adore your photography. you make everything look good!
i need my bedroom to be my place of refuge. i can't sleep if it's a mess. clothes need to be put away. i've even been known to make the bed before getting into it. i hate getting into an unmade bed. my grandmother taught me that if you make the bed, the rest of the room looks pretty decent.
that said, i live alone (with the exception of my dog). i deal with difficult people all day long and relish coming home at the end of the day to my apartment, which really is like a sanctuary for me. it's the one place in my whole life that i can make exactly as i want and do exactly as i please.
4 kids 1,000sq.ft. open floor plan=it looks a mess even when one "area" is picked up and clean...I would love to have separate rooms just so I could have one place of refuge!
When I've been working hard all week and the house gets let go- the one thing that makes me feel better is a clean kitchen sink. Do all the dishes, clean the counters and the stove really good and really clean the sink. That and clean sheets. Ahhhhh
Good post! FeeFee
http://feefeern.wordpress.com/
is that a Modernica lamp?
my armchair in the livingroom, where i read, write, get on the computer, draw.... there's a blanket only i use, and my dog snuggles in with me. my sanity spot
@wring, it looks like the saucer lamp from george nelson's bubble collection:
http://www.modernica.net/index.php?target=products&product_id=9
Um, Modernica definitely not the only place to buy a George Nelson Bubble Lamp, btw.
yes! with kids, one area of refuge is about all you can hope for. i go for my bedroom - the other rooms are run over with toys and other child related deritus, so i try to keep MY bedroom clean and clutter free. that way, i can begin and end my day in a relatively chaos free environment.
messy house = messy mind, my nanna told me this and i find it to be so true. I really find a sense of calm once I have cleaned or tidied up. I'm not sure whether it is the physical action that provides relief from stress or tension, but whatever it is once I've cleaned I feel much better!
usually laundry and/or dishes... maybe my desk, take the toys off the sofa, gather the books, clean the bathroom... depends on the mood... its me and my 5yold boy and our cat... needless to say the cat is the tidiest in the house... we have only 60m² and the house centers around the living room, so that's the place i go for, where i work and spend most of my time, and where my kid does everything as well. if that place is at least walkable, its good ;)
There are just two of us, and I try to tidy as we go, so I guess my "refuge" is probably the living room, since that's the place I spend my time when not landscaping! (Geez, I'm getting tired of digging holes!) It's a small room, and pretty easy to keep up, plus it has the most comfortable seating!
I just started reading the happiness project this morning on the train! I agree with appleton, a messy house does = a messy mind.
I think I've reduced this even further. I try to create a "corner of refuge"! If I can at least get one corner of the room clean, I can go sit in it/look at it/stand in it and feel like there's SOME sort of order to the universe!!!
Love that table! It's so hard to find tables that shape.
thanks midcentmod!
@wring--yes it's the saucer lamp that we got on megasale because there's a rip on the top!
@heynowtex--It's a herman miller 'on loan' from my dad. the tops needs refinishing, but I adore the shape and the legs!
-ahem- I have to admit, my husband and I are lucky enough to have a small studio in the backyard that's just for us. It's where we go when we work from home, need some time out, are working on projects etc.
The kids know they're not allowed in. The only exception is our youngest, but even she's moving around too much to be in there these days.
It means we have a space that the kids can't disturb, and that's always quiet.