Hehe, come to my house, I don't mind if you clean it!

Kitchen would be fine, but everything in my place... has its place.

I once tidied up after a teacher who I was baby-sitting for; he came home half way through the second load of dishes and he was mortified - then he made me stop and as he was scooting me out the door he said those dishes would probably remain in the sink for a week! So no, now I clean up after myself if I'm a guest, and I'll do the dishes after a dinner party, that's it.

What funny timing.....just this weekend I came home to a lovely tidy living room, washing hung on the line and the dishes done. My son's wonderful carer had some free time on her hands during his nap time. It's not in her job description but I appreciated it so very much!

She didn't go overboard and start cleaning out my kitchen cupboards or sorting my underwear or anything - just a nice light clean/tidy that made coming home an absolute pleasure.

dishes are ok. picking up toys. i wouldn't fold the laundry or clean cabinets or anything.

It depends of course on how well you know the people. In general when in doubt skip it. On the other hand, I have done it for my very close friends, who had a nice big house and let me use it for me and my guests while they were away for x-mas vacation. They were the kind of people who hated to clean but always had people over for dinner parties etc. I cleaned their kitchen as a thank you for lending us their space, and they were thrilled to find it sparkling after a long transatlantic flight.

oh my god. SO creepy and rather insulting. Unless you think I CAN'T clean for some reason, PLEASE do not presume that I want YOU to clean. I'm not immaculate. Don't make me feel MORE guilty that my place was so dirty that you couldn't even restrain yourself.

I think dishes and taking out the trash is okay, and putting toys in the toy box. But anything more than that is creepy, e.g. laundry, dusting, ironing, vacuuming etc.

Depends on how well you know the person. If you are 100% certain they would appreciate it, fine. Otherwise, don't ever assume it's ok anywhere else. People, myself included, can be really particular about their personal things. It can be taken as a serious insult, and can wind up making you look like a total meddling control freak.

I agree with see. If you know them pretty well, it can be a kind gesture. We try to clean up pretty well before a babysitter comes, but the kitchen usually gets the door closed. We don't have a dishwasher and one night a pretty good friend babysat for us who knows what a pain doing dishes is for us. When we came home she had done all of our dishes. Yes, I was a little embarrassed, but incredibly grateful. I knew she was doing it to help us.

I'm with andrealew-- you can come over to my place and clean anytime! A kind and thoughtful gesture. If you know the folks well enough to care for their child you know them well enough to clean. On the other hand, if your gut tells you that these particular people might not see it that way, go with your gut.

Clean away! If you're trusted enough to watch their kids, I think they trust you enough with their home.

I gotta say, if you watch their kids AND you clean (especially kitchen or bathroom -minus the medicine cabinet), you're an angel! I want to make you dinner just for being such a good person. :)

I agree w/ others, it depends how well you know the person. Otherwise I think it can come off as "you are a slob and I couldn't stand being in this dirty place w/out cleaning".

I think dishes is about all you can safely do - anything else you perceive as messy or dirty is in the eye of the beholder. Rare is the person who does not like to eat off of clean dishes, though.

Inviting people over when your home is a disaster area is what's creepy.

One time when I was laid out with a kidney stone, a friend came over and, without asking, did my dishes, washed my kitchen floor, and even tidied up the explosion of recycling items under my sink. I was a little embarrassed....but I was more grateful than anything. I realized later, my embarrassment was a holdover from my (former) inability to ask for help with anything, ever.

Now, I think of something like that as an act of kindness and friendship. OTOH, if someone started organizing my cupboards - unless it was my mom - I'd be annoyed. (And my mom always asks first!)

I agree with bepsf

Well that's the thing, bepsf and mei-ling, "disaster area" is all in the eye of the beholder. You might think your place is looking fantastic, only to come home and find it rearranged because someone else thought it looked like a pigsty. Yes, there are people who can't even stand to see a stack of magazines on the coffee table, or a pile of mail on the counter, or a pair of shoes by the front door. Maybe you didn't think anyone would notice if you didn't dust the tops of your door frames, or wipe down your baseboards, or check for Cheerios under your chair cushions, but surprise!

So, creepy, in my opinion. And presumptuous.

Cleaning up after yourself is fine, doing dishes, etc.

Cleaning up their stuff is creepy.

Once we had a dog sitter wax our floors. I was like ewww, I hate waxed, slick floors. It was creepy.

I would appreciate it greatly, but feel soooooo guilty.

I tidied my friends house (big time) a few weeks back.
They have 5 kids and one of their twin babies was hospitalized, the other 4 were with his sister and I wanted to do something to help.
I cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed their main floor, folded some laundry that was left on the floor (she hates doing laundry and doesn't fold anything) plus I brought home 7 loads to wash and dry, mostly the kids stuff.

I figure I know her well enough to have the security access codes to their home and gate, I know them well enough to do that stuff.

It can be a really nice thing to do for someone in need (like a friend with a health problem) but it can go too far. My dad is a neat freak and the last time my parents were in my home, he started putting away my things. Thing is, they were things already in their proper place - he just deemed their place to look untidy. We're talking: keys, wallet and cell phone.

As long as you aren't going into private areas (bedrooms, bathroom closets, etc.), it's kind of nice if it's someone you know fairly well.

I will say this: I HATE things being put back in the wrong places. Hate it. I've had people come and take care of my kids and put back 9 million parts to toys/games, books, etc., all in the wrong spots. They just threw everything in a random bin, even though I have them all clearly organized. It was extremely annoying and caused way more work for me since I had to re-organize everything. This has happened more than once. I've never said anything about it, but it drives me nuts.

Our friends (and downstairs neighbors) recently had a baby. While they were in the hospital, I noticed a few cups on the table. I ended up doing the dishes, cleaning the kitchen, and my husband started vacuuming and our 2-year-old put away toys. An hour later, their house was clean. The laundry was thrown in a hamper and bed was made.

I worried afterward about whether it was creepy or presumptuous.

When they got home, they were very happy and grateful. (We told them we just did the dishes and vacuumed.)

Wow! people really have strong opinions on this subject. Me... clean anything, anytime you want. Dishes, vaccuming, taking out trash, even laundry (I've got nice undies, I don't care if people see them). I wish I had people over and they thought "hmm... I SO want to dust!" All my friends are just as slovenly as I am and they're broke so I'd have to pay them if I want them to clean!

I am a cleaner, for some reason I find it easier to clean without wanting to complain when it's not my own house. I visited a friend and while she was working one morning I cleaned her kitchen (because I couldn't find a few things) she told me to continue and clean anything else I wanted.

Once, while house & dog sitting, the hired cleaning lady didn't show up so I cleaned the floors, kitchen, and put fresh linens on the beds before the family returned from their vacation. They were especially grateful (I thought I had accidentally locked out the cleaning lady & felt super guilty).

I’m a cleaner. I’m fastidious, and I hope no one takes offense to it. I used to think of it as a win-win, but reading the comments, maybe not.

I usually leave well enough alone, but I’ve cleaned the bathroom of a friend who was depressed, and there was mold growing on the walls, which I thought might not be healthy. I cleaned the bathroom of another friend, a busy working mother of a special needs child whose husband was away for a year. She didn’t have much time for housecleaning. I never mention it when I clean, and if my hosts are offended they don’t show it. At most they express surprise and usually tell me I can come back any time. But maybe they’re just being polite, are are privately skeeved?

I won’t usually cross the line to someone else’s unmentionables, but I’ve folded the laundry at a cousin’s house (we’re related after all), and their stuff was in the dryer when I needed to use it. If there’s an in-unit washer-dryer, I try to do the sheets before I leave. I also do the dishes and wipe down the counters.

Situation dependent. Close friend you know would like or understand it, yes. If yer not sure, stick to tidying up after yourself and let it go. Er, maybe if there's a few dishes in the sink and you're cleaning your own it would be a nice gesture to clean the others. But really only if there's a couple pieces, not a sink full.

I used to dog site for pay and would always clean the house at the end. Not cause of being messy but cause I know how nice it is to come home to a clean house. But that's an entirely different kettle of fish.

I work for a nanny agency, so I babysit kids of people I don't know all the time. We are supposed to clean up after ourselves of course, which I don't mind, but I HATE when the dishwasher is full of clean dishes that I must empty before loading it. I never know where anything goes, and I feel like I'm snooping through their stuff trying to put it away. There's always a few things I can't figure out the right spot and I worry that later on mom won't be able to find the platter/serving dish, etc. that I put in the incorrect spot.

i would always help and clean for someone i do care about , to give them a break. i would like the same done for me . although i think laundry is private, and paper work , those i would not touch .

I am a neat freak. I can't stay with people anymore, because I end up cleaning the bathroom and the kitchen without permission. See I can't use a bathroom without cleaning it, it would be like checking into a hotel that has a scuzzy bathroom, except in the case of the hotel, you would either check out or make them clean it, or get a different room. But what are you supposed to do when you are staying at someone's house. Just use a disgusting bathroom?

Here is a video I make on the subject back in 2008, it's called guyclean
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2JNqrMJ_eo

I've always been a clean freak. At the age of eight, I would regularly clean a friend's house whose mother had severe rheumatoid arthritis. I would delegate chores to my friend and her siblings and we'd have the house clean in no time. So if you have a dirty house and are offended by me cleaning it....don't invite me over.

It's okay at any time for family members.

It's okay for close friends if they're clearly sick, stressed or otherwise off their game cleaning-wise.

It's possibly okay for everyone else, but you do run the risk of being creepy. That said, anyone who leaves you alone in their house when there's a sink full of dirty dishes probably isn't that fussed about boundaries.

no. it's rude. accept the person as they are unless they're ill. you just upset their environment with your standards. no one needs to apologize for their home. even if it's squalor, there's a reason it got that way. don't add your disapproval to their burdens.

offer and leave it at that.

I've often cleaned for friends who're working long hours or pregnant or both. The hard to get to/easy to let slide things like scrubbing the bath tub, the bath and kitchen floors as well as the piles up on you like vacuuming, dusting and dishes. But most importantly: I DON"T put things away. I clean the top of the pile of stuff, lift it to clean the surface and put it back. I load the dishwasher, but don't empty it unless I KNOW where the stuff goes (or obviously the plates stack with the matching plates), so friends often came home to a pile in a bowl on the counter with a note saying, "clean and homeless." But the counters were clean!

I think it's a lovely gesture to clean a bit and leave fresh flowers. Especially thoughtful in case of sickness, overtime and newborns.

When I had my first child, my friend and her mother came over while I was in the hospital and cleaned as a surprise (even the mess from my water breaking!). I appreciated it!

When I babysit, I always make sure I do the dishes as well. When I babysit overnight, I'll wash the linens I used and I'll throw in the kids laundry as well. I'd never do the mom's stuff because it'd be an invasion of privacy, but doing the kids stuff is fine and it means I'm not wasting a load of laundry on just a couple sheets.

I think it really depends. With very close family and friends, I don't think it's a big deal - especially if you're aware that they could use some help, and you have a good idea of how they would receive it.

With people you don't know very well, however, then I think that can be really inappropriate. You don't quite know what their situation is, and you don't quite know how they would respond. In that case, just clean up after yourself.

The other thing, too, is what's being cleaned. Dishes and shoes are pretty anonymous things, but when it comes to a workdesk, laundry, or other personal items, you might just want to leave it be.

I know for me, I would love it if someone did my dishes, cleaned my floor, whatever. But I would probably be a little weirded out if they went through and rearranged my workdesk. See what I mean?

That being said, though - if someone does it and you're not comfortable with it, that does not remotely mean that they are being intentionally condescending towards your stuff. As we can see from this conversation, they probably meant perfectly well. So relax.

No, no, no, you may not do this. You may clean up the mess you made, and you may help with any tasks you are asked to help with, but you may not clean when the householder is not there (unless you were hired).

This is RUDE. It implies to the person that they are not good enough and if you are a guest or working in someone else's house, you are not allowed to make the householder feel that way.

Only exception I can think of: adult child of elderly parents who are obviously losing it or are too old to take care of themselves. But you still shouldn't do it when they aren't there.

It depends on the individual. Not everyone, yes even close friends or family appreciate the kindness. And I'm only speaking of picking up after the little ones and washing their dishes.
Some might find this insulting or just a fanatic tendency on your part. The only person I'd go out of my way for is my mom whose a senior and doesn't mind me being in her place cleaning her windows. And yes, I might be a tad bit fanatic but my hearts in the right place.

I think there are some chores you should always at least volunteer for- dishes/kitchen if you're a frequent dinner guest, that sort of thing. Helping out sick friends/new parents/etc. is almost always okay (although dog walking and meal cooking are probably safer choices).

Anything else would have to depend on the relationship. i have a few close friends who will help me clean when guests and vice-versa, but we're close and have similar ideas about cleanliness.

If you don't, then I think you could definitely be unwelcome- in situations I remember where the fussy friend "helped" the slobbier friend, it was never taken as a friendly favor. I remember a number of blowups that started that way.

Tidying up type stuff wouldn't bother me. Want to go through my house and stack loose papers in a pile, throw the towels in the hamper that might have gotten tossed into a pile, put the dishes in the dishwasher, sweep, etc....fine by me and I wouldn't be insulted.

Now if someone started going through the cabinets, folding laundry and putting it away, cleaning our bathroom, or deciding what of the loose papers on my desk needs to be thrown out is where I'd probably be upset.

For whatever reasons slobs do not want help. They want you to pretend they are not slobs.

I was married to a slob. It was awful, but true. Also had some slob friends. Although I don't think any would have minded if you cleaned their toilets or tubs though.

People who are reasonably neat usually don't mind a little help.

I don't want or need anyone putting things "away" because I may not be able to find it again. However moving things and vacuuming, sweeping and mopping, dishes and cleaning counters, stove tops or microwaves are all reasonable.
If you are staying over night and are disgusted with the bathroom, then clean it. Apologize to your hosts for you neat freak "problems". I have family that no longer see the crud in their bathroom. I usually clean the sink when I visit them.
If they are offended they won't invite you back, if they are not, then they will invite you back.

When friends let us stay over in their flat in New York, I washed the kitchen as a thank you on the last day... I hope they took it the right way! We brought a small present, but it was greatly appreciated that they hosted us...

As a teenager I used to babysit for a family with four boys. I not only cleaned, I re-arranged their living room furniture. :>/

It totally depends on the relationship and the circumstance. But NEVER touch the top of the desk or anything that looks like mail, and if you've done the laundry, don't open any drawers, just stack it.

When I was a teenager I babysat for a lot of families. I was a busy-body and did a lot of house cleaning while babysitting, at no expected extra fee. No one ever complained and I was always called back. Though, perhaps the parents didn't think i was creepy or assume I was being judgemental about their housekeeping as I was only 16-17 years old. Might be weird if I did it for my 30 year old friends now. Just keeping things tidy and cleaning up after you and the kids is more appropriate at this age.

When I'm a guest in someone's home, my policy is to studiously clean up behind myself at all times. Therefore, if their stuff is in my path, I'll clean that up too because I consider visiting someone's home a privilege. No, I'm not going to clean a room, unless I feel the circumstances necessitate it, i.e. the person is ill and needs help. But I visit by the guest rule, of "leave things looking like you were never there."

Here's the flip side to an uncomfortable situation. My parents always offer to do dishes when they stay with us (we don't have a dishwasher.) The problem is, they are both HORRIBLE at dish washing - visible food and grease left on the plates and utensils. Even though we say no, please PLEASE don't, they still insist and then we have to re-wash all the dishes later. I once angrily confronted my dad (though it didn't sink in), and another time my mom caught me rewashing everything in the morning, and yet they still insist on being "polite guests." To be truly polite guests, learn to take a hint.

My fecking passive agressive Greek mother-in-law is probably cleaning and decorating my house as I type this. She comes over to let the dogs out suring the day - and then cooks, does laundry, redecorates and does yard work that she has no fecking idea how to do as she has lived in a condo her whole fecking life. And trust me, the only message she is trying to convery is "you are not good enough and I am never, NEVER going to let go of my son"

I need to vent

A few years ago I had to blast out of town unexpectedly when my dad had emergency heart surgery. When I came home two weeks later, I opened the door to discover fresh flowers on the table, neatly folded laundry, freshly swept and vacuumed floors (you can tell in the city), and--best of all--something delicious simmering in the crockpot. In that situation, I think the neighbor who was feeding my cat and bringing in the mail got it just right.

A friend and I have an arrangement where once a month I babysit her kids while they go on date night and vice versa.
I don't often clean her house, neither does she mine, but we always pack up the toys, tidy the living room and stack whatever dishes into the dishwasher. Nothing beats leaving the kids happily playing in a mess of toys and games, and coming back to a toy-free living room.

I have a carer for my kids occasionally, and she does all sorts of things. I always come home to find dishes done, laundry hung out/folded/ironed, kids clothes put away, kindy bags emptied and lunchboxes washed. She also cooks while the kids sleep, and makes meals for them that she freezes. I absolutely love it, and welcome it.

My MiL, however, cleans/tidies the house when she visits but with lots of comments along the lines of "it's so nice you have time to go on so many outings with the kids" as she scrubs the tub furiously. I once washed and sterilised all my youngest-at-the-time's dummies/bottles by hand and left them to dry on the rack, only to come in 5 minutes later to see her putting them in the dishwasher, saying they weren't clean enough.

If you're a guest, aside from clearing the table after dinner or what-have-you, then no. BUT, if you're there as a sitter (babysitter, housesitter), then a little spiffing up is ok.

When I used to babysit as a teenager I'd of course clean up the mess we made that night and then after the kiddos went to bed I might continue to tidy up the play area or wipe down counters in the kitchen. Nothing too nosy or intrusive, and never in a room we didn't play or eat in. The parents were always thrilled. If you have 5 kids and you got a night out AND a kitchen w/ no dirty dishes, you'd be pretty happy.

While housesitting/dogsitting I would always leave the room I slept in tidied after I left and I would often clean the bathroom and kitchen. I used them too! But if in their rush to leave for their trip they neglected cleaning the bathroom sink, etc., I would certainly break out the cleanser. I would also wash and fold the towels. Again, just a nice gesture to come home too. Nothing too intrusive :)

I don't like people cleaning in my place; when they are my guests, I'd rather take care of things. I don't know if I would be creeped out or offended if they did the dishes or something, but I'd really rather they didn't. I do assume they will clean up after themselves (make the bed in the morning, not strew clothes all over the house) but beyond that, I don't want them to do much.

When I stay with people, I clean up after myself and do things like clean the bathroom, strip the bed and such when I leave. I figure it is the least I can do and I've never had anyone complain.

The responses on this are so funny! There seems to be a lot of people who feel as though if someone tidied their place, it would be some kind of judgment on them... or maybe they have something to hide or be defensive about? Maybe I just don't get it - anyone is welcome at my place to clean any time! OCD and cleaning-compulsive types welcome!!

Maybe I'm an optimist or something, but I feel like most people who would start to tidy things have good intentions and aren't passing judgment. No one's place is clean 100% of the time, especially with kids or a busy lifestyle. I honestly, don't watch much TV, so once the kids are asleep, the toys ALWAYS get put away. I have also been known to take a broom to the floor, load the dishwasher and wipe down the counter. I'm not breaking out the rubber gloves and scrubbing toilets or anything, but I just feel better knowing the annoying things are sorted for when they come home. If I have a few minutes to try and make someone's day a little easier, I will, with the hopes that karma will send a similar gesture my way.

p.s. Dear Karma, my place is a mess - I'll take that help any time now...

My favorite babysitters are the ones that clean! It is so nice to come home to a house that has been tidied. We've had sitters wash dishes, stow toys, fold laundry, sweep, vacuum, etc. of their own accord and we always feel pleasantly surprise - never invaded.

I suppose though, some people are just particular about their "stuff" - how its handled, where it goes, etc, I still don't really understand, (like, I can eat off it, but I can't wash it?) but I understand that everyone has certain boundaries they like respected.

I think it just depends on the situation. If you're babysitting or house-sitting while the owner is away, I'd think that a tidy-up is fine. I have always done that with any place I had been babysitting because we inevitably made a mess while playing, so straightening up and wiping down is a natural next-step. Now, cleaning while the person is there or after they've come back or doing heavy cleaning (scrubbing floors, editing, etc) should be out of the question.

I agree with everyone who says it's how well you know the person.

I watch my best friend of 16 years baby girl and occasionally I'll do the dishes. Last week I had a spill on my tote bag and needed to wash it while I was there and she had laundry sitting in the dryer so I went ahead and folded it.

When she came home she gave me a huge hug, saying it has been sitting there a week. She's a mom of two and just didn't have the time.

Yes laundry is personal but she and I have known each other long enough to fold some undies.

We had friends house-sit for us over the holidays. We came home to a sparkling apartment. Shiny floors, clean sheets, everything. It was wonderful and I was very happy--but for one thing.

I use only eco-friendly cleaning products, detergent, etc. They did not when they cleaned. I could smell the chemicals from the hardwood floor cleaner, the perfume from the laundry detergent, etc. I felt my organic cotton sheets were given a chemical bath.

Looking a gift horse in the mouth?

I'm with herong, it's insulting and creepy. When I was in college, I woke up from a nap to a stranger doing my dishes (a somewhat-friend of mine, known for her rudeness and for treating the men around her like slaves, had brought him over for some reason or other and made him do our dishes). Yes, my kitchen was a wreck and I would have liked it to be clean but that was utterly horrific. I wanted nothing more than for him to get out of my house. Her, I wanted to kill. To this day I am still horrified when I think of it.

Mostly, I'm of the "Stay the hell out of my kitchen" school of thought. The rest of it is done when I have guests, or at least hidden. But if it IS a mess, it means that I love you enough that I wanted to see you anyway, despite not having had the time to clean and make my place perfect. At that point, I'm trusting you to forgive me and pretend you don't notice.

yes, depends on how well you know the person, but undies, a definite no no. i still get a tad embarrassed when my own mom folds hubbie's boxers.

toys, dishes, general "straightening up" are all fair game. i could use all the help i can get.

oh, but not from in-laws.

Ugh. I can barely stand to let anyone be alone in my house and am a total control freak, so it would flip. me. out. if someone just started cleaning my house. I get chills just thinking about it. CREEPY!

If you use some dishes and go to wash them you can wash anything else in the sink. Any other type of cleaning other than picking up after yourself- no. It's seems kind of judgemental "I think you live like a slob, therefore I have cleaned your house".

saying that someone else cleaning your house means they are passing judgement on your lifestyle is just plain insecure... and a little bit paranoid. why choose to believe that when they were probably just trying to be nice.

i understand getting annoyed if your things are put away in the wrong place, but lets not make all the people that have ever tried to help out over the years feel like "creepers" for being kind.

Someone may have mentioned something similar, but I've done a quick clean of my (male) friend's spare bathroom (wipedown of sink and faucet, top of toilet tank, etc.) when I stayed there -- simply because I could not bear to use the sink without doing so! This is also the visit where I didn't shower because the tub was so incredibly filthy. Thankfully, I was only there overnight, so I showered when I got home. (The ceiling had partially collapsed sometime in the recent past, and though the problem had been repaired, the tub and bathroom hadn't been cleaned since then... or probably even before that!)

I offered to clean/straighten up his kitchen while I was there too -- with his help and input, of course -- but was shot down. The sink cleaning happened after he had left for work, so who knows if he even noticed. I didn't mean to be insulting, I just know it can be easier to get started on a large project like cleaning when you have some help.

I love my friend to death, but I just don't understand how people can live in filthy conditions when they are not otherwise (personal hygiene-wise) filthy people. *confused*

My Neighbor once texted me at work saying her hot water heater had gone out and asked if she could use my spare key to come over and take a shower.

Pictures of my dirty bathroom flashed through my head and I was imidiatly mortified! I have two jobs and i'm rarely ever home, when I am home I'm absolutly exhausted, cleaning the bathroom is the last thing I want to do! I warned her that my home currently resembled a war zone, but she was welcome to anything she needed. I came home late that night to the faint smell of bleach and a sparkeling white bathroom!

I was slightly mortified at first thinking it was so gross she had to clean before showering, but i realized it was more of a "Thank you" for helping her out. She had time to clean when I didn't, and I had hot water to share when she didnt!

So here's my story. I had just quit my job and was asked by my formet coworker if I would babysit for him and his wife. He and I were not besties at work or anything but were pretty friendly.

I went over and thier house was really messy - esp. the kitchen. While watching his daughter I cleaned the kitched, washed all dishes, outside of cabinets, took out trash, etc. Even the grim around the stover burners. I thought I was being helpful. They are a young couple and struggling with two jobs and the wife in school.

They did not say Thank You and never asked me to babysit again. I still don't know if they were offended or not. I really thought I was being helpful and I'm one of those people who loves to clean and organize but I think I may have overstepped my bounds.

I probably won't ever do that for someone again unless it was a best friend or something.

p.s. I hate when I don't proof what I write and see typos I can't go back and edit. arghh!

If you feel the urge to wash my windows, hop to it.

I would LOVE to come home to find that one of my friends had cleaned my house while I was out. I would feel unsettled and insecure if someone I barely knew had done it. I feel a bit nervous leaving a "stranger" in my house alone anyway. If they noticed the mess, what else did they notice? I would still be grateful, just kind of weirded out, and like I owed them one.

Beggars can't be choosers, but it would be pretty cool to hear these words:

"I'm a compulsive cleaner - is there anything you'd like me to tackle while you're gone?"

Takes the sting out.

I'm totally guilty of this - When I am babysitting for my family friends and after the kids are sleeping I'll clean up my mess and then continue to tidy up as much as I can. I know they don't have time for it and appreciate it...but at the same time if I came home and the babysitter had cleaned excessively I would probably be more than embarassed and a little offended. I just LOVE to clean, and it seems so much more fun when it's not MY mess.

http://www.abbeycatchat.com

@ekmac116
I know the feeling! I had to stay at my friend's house for a wedding... I wore flipflops in the shower! :0
Needless to say, while she was at work, her mother and I cleaned her house as "a wedding present." The car I was picked up in at the airport was no better!

Wow, this has been eye-opening. I'm surprised how many people would be *outraged* and offended by someone tidying up.

Surely there is *some* situational appropriateness for most non-OCD people?

I agree w/commenters who said it seems paranoid/insecure to assume some judgment is being passed if someone tidies up a bit. I've done it many times, particularly when I'm a houseguest, b/c I'm really good at making a huge difference in ~10 minutes. It takes me so little effort to clean up/de-clutter, I'm happy to do it. But I only do that where I feel it'd be appreciated - by friends who I know *wish* their place were immaculate, but are too lazy or busy to deal with it. I'm great in that situation. For super uptight people, I'll just clean up after myself and leave any other messes untouched. Especially after reading this thread and realizing people take the gesture as a huge insult!

A friend of mine broke her back and ended up in the hospital for 3 months just as she was moving into a new house. I completely unpacked her boxes, arranged her furniture, and cleaned like a maniac. (People with broken backs lose control of certain body functions.) I called three friends to help me. I got the carpets shampooed, the yard work done, and by the time my friend returned home, everything was in order for her.

There are people who grew up expecting their mothers to clean up, so they always expect someone else to clean. That kind of person is going to LOVE that kind of surprise. Almost anyone else will be skeeved out just a little bit. Or a lot.

Please, cleaning freaks, be my friends!

I feel like if the cleaning is an extension of something you should be doing (because it's your mess, because you offered), then it's OK. Any cleaning that seems like you'd have had to seek it out is not OK.

SO - washing the rest of the dishes in the sink when you're washing up your dishes is fine. Wiping out the fridge is not. Straightening up the coffee table when you need to put a coaster or magazine away is fine. Putting away all the stuff that was already out on the coffee table is not.

People can get really ticked off. It's best to help out when they're there, if you helped make the mess (i.e., dinner dishes and you're a houseguest not dinner guest), but not to clean someone else's home because they're just "less Martha Stewart" than you are. Otherwise, my rule is, if I'm visiting someone to help out when they're ill I'll clean but otherwise hands off (I'll offer if I'm a temporary houseguest but let them decide whether they want the help or not). Learned this both from cleaning someone's home when I was petsitting during their 2 month trip, man did they get ticked off at me for throwing out the rotten tomatoes and citrus fruit (that set my allergies off - I had to dig under the paperwork - I had to find the source of that stuff or evacuate their pets!), and being totally annoyed when my aunts would come to the family home and take it upon themselves to scrub with toothbrushes (refrigerator, freezer, bathtub, kitchen floor) - drove us all nuts!!!

I'd love to hear my BF's reaction to this question!!

Early on in our relationship, but "late" enough where he gave me a key, he went away on a family trip, and I was charged with checking in on the cat and doing litter box duty (wait, that did not come out right. Any way...)

During the ten or so days he was gone, I did some cleaning (he is uber-neat to start with) and did some minor repairs (things I knew were on his list but he couldn't get to prior to the trip), restocked his fridge, etc. And, okay, I admit I did some "styling" (brought in a "temporary art piece" I had in storage which he had admired, for a spot he wanted filled, and had fresh flowers, etc.)

Part of it was spill-over from doing interiors... getting the place ready before the "client" returns for the final reveal. Some of it was I just really wanted him to be happy when he came home (he works VERY long hours at a very stressful job when he is not on vacation!) and not have his vacation mode cut short when he returned to an undone To Do list.

When he returned, he was somewhere between "super flattered" and, um, "totally creeped out and panicked," and apparently, the polls were also evenly split when he asked his friends their opinions.

Well, thankfully, the positive votes won out, and we're still together over two years later.

But he still kids me about it.

if kids are involved, clean it! Most parents would appreciate it! Just don't go near the office or mb. Common sense ppl

my parents are asian, and whenever family comes over they ALWAYS start randomly cleaning up the house and doing the dishes and what not. My mother absolutely hates it though because she thinks they're looking down on her (which really they are)

The only time i've ever cleaned up someone elses house was when I happened to be visiting when a friends wife left him (while I was there. it was horribly awkward.) and I had been using his kitchen moments before. I figured waking up in an empty house with a hang over was bad enough w/o having to worry about washing the dishes.

*oh forgot to add,
If someone came into my house and started cleaning I would be extremely offended. if your going to clean then it better just be the mess you made or contributed to.

Patrick, there's nothing wrong with what you did with your boyfriend's home. That's the hazard of having a partner who is a professional designer.

I've done a lot worse in less time. One Sunday while they were gone with their mom to church (about 3 hrs), I completely rearranged the living room. Including rehanging pictures, etc. When they returned both were surprised and overjoyed at the change.

Thanks John H!

I've also been know to rearrange hotel rooms!

My gut reaction to this is nononononononononono! Don't do it! An ex's mother used to do this when she visited (for THREE weeks at a time, no less). I woke up one morning to the sound of the vaccuum at 7 AM, came out and saw her furiously going at the carpet. Another day she decided to practically dismantle the oven and clean it. She was well-meaning and absolutely was not looking down on me, but I wanted to kill her. To me this is wayyyyyyyyyyy overstepping one's bounds. Not to mention the fact that the place was immaculate before she arrived. In her defense, she actually has OCD, so I guess she couldn't help herself.

On the flip side, I have stayed at friends' houses and been totally grossed out by the dirt, but I would never, ever, EVER be so rude as to passive aggressively offer to clean, or just go ahead and clean...

Yes, help with dishes, strip the bed if you're an overnight guest, be thoughtful and tidy in someone else's home, but do not clean.

Also, a casual friend once came over to visit when I moved close by, and took it upon herself to "help" unpack the boxes. She randomly chose the bathroom/personal items box and not only started taking things out, but also examining them and asking me about the various things... I was mortified.

All that said, I do find what @patrick (too) did to be thoughtful and sweet.

I think it would feel pretty weird to have someone else clean your place without your permission, but then again whenever I go to my MIL houses I have to sit on my hands so I don't start tidying up and decluttering the piles of papers, stuff on the kitchen counters and expired food in the pantry. When she's not around (we often use the holiday house by ourselves) I take the chance to throw out one or two expired things, and put some clutter back into cupboards (with full permission of my partner, her daughter). I would never throw anything away though, that isn't fair.

I've been trying to fight off a major anxiety attack since I got home today. My neighbour, who was just supposed to feed my pets took it upon herself to clean my whole place. Like, everything. Living room, kitchen, my son's room, both bathrooms. Even my bedroom. She even changed my bedding and re-arranged all my makeup and hair stuff.

Im sure she meant well, but I feel violated. I usually keep the living room/kitchen/main bathroom clean, but I like having a messy bedroom. I'm a grown-up. It's my house.

I don't know how to explain it to her without hurting her feelings.

I think it is rude in a houseguest situation. In fact, it has happened to me.

We spent hours cleaning and tidying up in preparation for MIL's arrival, only to have MIL come in and start scrubbing the place down like it was toxic to her health. Meanwhile, I was trying to get her to sit her ass down on the couch and visit, converse, etc. I asked her to stop cleaning and she refused. Not only that but she emptied wastebaskets in my office which may have contained important papers...then used that as an excuse to go through our trash. Twice!!!

My own mother wouldn't do any of this, so it really rubbed me the wrong way. The only appropriate time to clean without permission would be in cases of illness, depression, or a really tough time in someone's life. NOT when everything is fine and you walk into a tidy house that isn't infested with disease. Babysitting or housesitting may also be fine for LIGHT cleaning.

Okay, so I was curious to see if anyone had posted about this situation and see a lot of you have. I am glad to read that most people find it somewhat annoying and even insulting in some instances. Of course if I was under some stress or dealing with something that didn't allow me to clean for a while, I would welcome the gesture, but in my case I am downright insulted...my MIL just happened to stop by yesterday while we were at work, had some work order for some work being done on our house and so she dropped it off and also gave us some crystal candy dish (peace offering?) and of course I knew someone was there before I even walked in the door, as our storm door was not entirely shut! I have an eagle eye so then a bit later when I was doing dishes I noticed the cleaning supplies under the sink had been moved around...then I realized, I bet she dusted our mantle above the fireplace. This particular spot houses her cherished brass fireplace accessories she gave to us. She even went to far a few months back as to comment on something that I'd put there that didn't look right...then told me not to get defensive..uh huh. So yes, she did go so far as to look under our sink, get the endust/duster and proceeded to dust our mantle...then had the nerve to have a drink and leave the glass in the sink! oh, but this is just a long list of gripes but that's the latest!