THANK YOU for posting this! I had never heard of it. It is my life. Sad, but hilarious.

Oh my gosh how funny! I have a plethora of clients from hell, But must admit id be worried if some of them would read and identify my submissions!

Same stupid questions for just about every profession particularly service oriented ones.

I don't know, As a programmer no body ever asked me to make my pseudocode stand less homosexually.

I also work with artists like 60% of the time and they seldom balk at the cost of things. In actuality I have advised many to be more critical because working on stuff they paid for before, and finding out the cost, they had gotten screwed. The billing wasn't just a bit high but the work was maybe freshman level.

It is lovely working with people that actually understand labor costs.

AHHHH! Flashbacks! Flashbacks!

"I can't afford to pay much, but lots of people will see your work, so you'll be getting exposure!"

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that crap.

btoddster, If I had a nickel for every time a would-be client told me they were doing me a favor for letting me work for them for free....well I would've been better compensated!

Listen, if you say your nephew could whip you up something in a couple hours with his pirated copy of CS3 for free, then why are you even wasting my time right now?

I think the Holy Three that need to be included in every quotation I send out from now need to be:

Please watch this

Pick Any Two

"Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine."

Yes, KidMoe, there's lots of those "nephews" out there, lol...!

Here's a good one: "Perhaps we can barter."

And the client is a rock band.

where can I get the picture of the skeleton? Love it.

Maybe their stupidity was hiring an interior designer. The customer is always right.

The customer is not always right.

Ha. The customer is absolutely not always right, and anyone who has that attitude should wear it across their forehead ahead of time to save everyone the truckload of trouble that they usually bring.

And I am not an interior designer. Some of the worst customers I've encountered were interior designers themselves.

Fun story: Years ago, a friend of mine was hired by Barbra Streisand's "people" to devise and finish a one-of-a-kind automated entertainment unit that would rise out of the floor and turn in any direction, all at the touch of a remote control. After the thing was designed and the presentation was made and approved, they had the audacity to say that "in lieu of payment, we would like to offer you the opportunity to use Ms. Streisand's name on your list of esteemed clients."

Joy.

I'd say it is pretty stupid to hire an interior designer if you have no intention of letting them do their job.

JaneLane--

You'd be surprised.

hrhprincessfiona--

Whose stupidity are you talking about? And why, pray tell, do you think hiring an interior designer is an act of stupidity?

Clients From Hell is amazing!

Another beautiful story, along those very lines;
http://www.27bslash6.com/p2p.html

Graphic Designer vs. Client, presented by robots:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfprIxNfCjk

"Are you going to do it in Microsoft Word? I have a friend who says that is all you need for really nice publications..."

"The customer is always right."

Utter nonsense dreamed up by some upper management type who's never actually had to deal with customers. More often than not, the customer is ignorant, entitled and thus makes absurd demands.

Here is another amusing site for those of us in the arch. world.

http://www.architectsassociates.net/

Sums up pretty much every firm I've ever worked for.

Oh thanks guys, terrific site.
I could share truckloads of similar stories - if I didn't want to remain in the profession.

OK, I'll share one amusing variation of "I can't pay, but you're getting exposure!"
There was one couple, friends of my ex, who for some time accelerated their dinner invitations, at the rate every second week. They lived far, food was heavy and unexciting, the guests not particularly interesting or witty: I went only to please my ex, as they were his friends.
After 3rd such dinner my hosts started plaguing me with questions and requests that would take me a few billable hours of work to answer (how to redo layout of their living, what kitchen equipment is most fitting to their wishlist, etc). I replied in general terms, and finally had to say - here's my card, call me for an appointment, we'll sign a contract and i'll do my best to help you.

But you ate our dinner! -the hostess said. - We already prepaid you!

That site expresses why I only work as a subcontractor for ad agencies, design firms, or in-house marketing departments. And why I'm still relatively sane.

First thing...that site is hilarious! I can't believe that some people want "the world" for nothing, or in exchange for something you don't need or want!

But on the other hand...why the reluctance to offer a little advice to others who ask for your expert opinion. For example; I work in a lab, if people ask me about H1N1, I will tell them, I won't make them give me a swab and then charge them or their insurance company!

Patrick-

Not an interior designer, but I am a graphic designer. I have to say, though, the one great client you get every once in a while makes it all worth it.

Same here, JaneLane, and before that, I had my own storefront studio/gallery in Laguna, where I sold my paintings.

Even when it was obvious I did just that at the time, I would get an occasional person walking in, asking for graphic design work or something more suited to an ad agency. The funniest is when this really ditzy woman came in, aspiring to be some kind of holistic health guru, and she needed a corporate image. I had NO idea what she wanted, as she sashayed in, blurted out a few things with grandiose gestures, and left two or three books that she insisted I look through to get an idea what she was after. I looked through one, and it was all about colonic health, and there were photos in it that displayed what came out of people's bowels after thorough irrigation. Yes, pictures of three foot long turds, for crying out loud, and NO instructions from her on what she was after. She came back a week later and asked if I had anything for her.

I'm enjoying this waaaay too much.

In a similar vein, for those of us working crappy dayjobs to put themselves through school to become a graphic designer or whatever, there's this site:

http://notalwaysright.com/

I imagine that interior design is one of those fields fraught with bad customers, since most people at least think that they don't need professional help in decorating a house. They don't seem to realise that someone with years of tertiary education in design might have greater acuity and perception that their cousin Flora who's "really artistic".

I recall one of those TV design shows in which a rather talented designer presented his client with the latest painted metal chairs for her new dining room. She actually burst into tears because they were "obviously outdoor furniture". He was seeing a cutting edge design statement, she was seeing her equally witless friends asking why she had patio furniture in the dining room.

The customer is not always right. The customer is frequently wrong, sometimes stupid, and about as brave as a jittery bunny.

My BF works as a web designer and he gets these kinds of clients ALL THE TIME! its hilarious! what's even more hilarious is when the BOSS has no idea how sites work and promises the client the impossible. I love when people think they know so much- well if you know how then why waste MY time?

It's true. The customer is not always right. I run into the same problems as a writer and editor that you guys are describing: "Write this for me--but you won't get paid, and I'll only tell you when I need something 45 minutes before I need it." And by god, everyone thinks they're a grammarian. But they aren't. They couldn't identify an independent clause if it smacked them in the bottom, that doesn't stop them from trying to insert random commas and delete necessary ones.

But I love the "homosexual skeleton." That's just ridiculously funny.

While I wouldn't say the customer is always "right" in their taste or design choices, they are hiring a designer as someone who can help bring their home, product, vision, etc. to life for them. If they hate it and won't be happy looking at it every day, then you've failed at what you've been hired to do. In that sense, the customer IS always right.

I work with tons of designers at my job, and I can tell within a few minutes whether the person is going to work WITH me to create a final product we both like -- or if s/he is going to be a snob whose art must remain untouched by my ideas. I will offer repeat business and refer colleagues to the first type; I don't have the time or budget for the second type even if they're more qualified or educated.

Sadly I don't have any advice on how to handle those fun people who want you to work for free... but if you get "difficult" customers (like me, I guess!) who want to assert their opinion all the time, my advice is to just listen for a bit and not argue. Just the gesture of listening and hearing them out will give clients more peace of mind about working with you. (And listening gives you ammunition to explain how your ideas match with their personalities, tastes, etc.) From my experience, some designers need to work a little on their customer relations skills. I have met dozens who arrive for consultations defensive and ready to put up a fight about their ideas -- not the best way to start a successful relationship with a client.

Anyway, I get what many of you are saying about pushy customers, but design work is a business in addition to being art. I hire designers because I don't have the technical skill or education to do things the right way. That doesn't mean I'm an idiot whose ideas and taste should be totally ignored, especially if I'm paying for it!

@patrick(the other one)

Sorry to ruffle your feathers. What I should have said is 'the customer is always paying'.

here's another good link about dealing with clients my designer brother in law shared. it's pretty funny.

http://www.27bslash6.com/p2p.html

Ok, was the client right in this situation? You tell me! I am a landscape architect in San Francisco working with a client on a residential loft complex with a great interior courtyard in the Castro area. He called me one day and was hedging around the idea of 'recalling' the neighborhood with the central sculpture and totally beating around the bush. I finally had enough and said, you want me to design a penis sculpture? And he sheepishly said yes. He really thought that would market to the gay dudes. You know what? I did do it and I had a blast. Too bad the project went on hold.

How about when the interior designer IS the customer? I used to work at a discount home furnishings store and the interior designers that came in were awful. Sure, they spent a looooot of money... sometimes.

Most of the time, they would just return all three or four cartloads of the stuff they bought. They always ripped or cut off all the tags too, because "They don't look nice," and "I don't want the clients to know I only paid $30 for that when I'm charging them $60." So then half the store's staff would be working like mad to match items to the receipts, processing the returns, and then retagging and restocking all the items. Often we'd have to write off all the throw pillows or cushions because the designers cut off the new materials tags and it would be illegal for us to sell them again.

Pain. in. the. a$$.

wormy--

Funnier if it had been a fountain.

hrhprincessfiona--

Still have no idea what you meant.

I'm loving these stories and can definitely relate. I think we can also recognize that there are two sides to the coin. For example, the video linked by summerinbrooklyn cracked me up, but afterwards, I found myself imagining alternate dialogues for this "vendor-client relationship in the real world" parody...

Customer: How much is this DVD?
Clerk: $19.95.
Customer: I'll take it.
Clerk: Oh, the case is dinged. Let me get you a better one from the back.
Customer: OK.
Clerk (returning): Here you go. That'll be $24.95.
Customer: But I thought you said $19.95.
Clerk: Oh, that's $5 labor for going to get this one from the back.
Customer: Oh, the case isn't that important to me. I'll take the dinged one for $19.95.
Clerk: Sorry, I've already done the labor, so you'll have to pay me for it either way.
Customer: Nevermind. I don't want either.
Clerk: Well you still owe me $5 for the labor. You're lucky I'm not charging you to put this one back after you made me go and get it.
Customer: I didn't make you do anything. Forget it. (Leaves without paying.)
Clerk: Cheapskate. Taking my time for granted like I'm his slave or something....

Not to say our time isn't worth anything, but I've seen people taking advantage of others on both sides of the relationship.