Around here we've got birthdays on the brain. My twin girls turned one earlier this month, and in a few weeks their big brother turns three. Over the weekend we threw a family party for all three kids, because the thought of multiple celebrations within a month seemed excessive (my son will have a kids' party in a few weeks). Later that day, I read a thread on a message board by a mom who wondered about gift giving when attending a party for siblings, which generated a pretty interesting discussion. How do you all feel about combining celebrations?
It seems reasonable to throw a single party for multiples, but by the time they hit kindergarten, many school districts will place them in separate classes as a matter of policy. That means parents may feel compelled to invite two classes and guests might feel the need to bring gifts for a child who they do not know. For multiples there are other concerns, making sure that each child feels recognized as an individual; after our party I realized that we sang "Happy Birthday" twice, once to my son and once to my daughters. Should we have sung it three times? Or once? I am good friends with identical twin sisters, who tell me that their parents always threw combined parties for them but made sure that each girl had a different cake. I baked cupcakes.
With sequentially born siblings, there can be a question of throwing a party that is fun and appropriate for different age groups. For parents of the birthday kids, throwing a combined party can be the easiest path, both logistically and cost-wise, but guest lists can balloon quickly. Unless invitations specify no gifts, parents of guests may feel self-conscious about spending less on each child than they might typically, or resenting the prospect of spending more they would for a single child. (I am not personally bothered by these questions, but gift-giving etiquette was a contentious issue in the online discussion I mentioned before.)
Have you thrown combined parties or do you have plans for one? Have you attended any? Do you think they are a good idea, or do you think that each child should have their own celebration?
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my two older siblings had birthdays back to back, March 1st and 2nd (two years apart) and they had combined parties, two cakes and double the fun. they turned out ok
I'm facing this debate myself. I'll have two girls with birthdays one month apart (aside from age differences). We've been discussing the approach and are thinking of separate family celebrations on each child's birthday - to make their day special, and a shared kid's party hosted somewhere in between their birthdays.
Actually, cherylp, I would do it the other way around. My two nephews and my two nieces both have birthdays a month apart, and their parents do combined parties for family. Just speaking from one of the extended family members POV, it's a lot easier to attend one combined party than try to set aside two weekend days so close together for parties, especially having kids of my own with their own busy schedules. Just an thought, though. I'm due to have our second child one month to the day before our first's birthday and we will definitely do combined parties to make it easier for family that has to travel to attend.
What was the result of the gift thread? We are going to a party for twin 1 year olds. If they were older, I would get each girl her own gift, but for babies, I feel like I could get a better (more fun) gift to be shared (like maybe some blocks). I realize one year olds wouldn't care if I got them a cardboard box, but do parents of multiples think this is ok?
@ek76: My twins just turned one. We only had a family party and requested no gifts, but had someone given them a combined present like blocks, I would have been more than happy.
My daughters birthdays are 2 weeks apart (they are 2 yrs apart in age), and there's Christmas and New Years in between. They are 2.5 years old and 7 months old, so it hasn't been a problem yet, but I can see how it could become hard to make them feel special.
I always feel bad for the kids who have to share BD-parties with their siblings, especially if they are diff. genders and have a big age gap. We've been to some successful shared parties, and it seems that no-theme parties do much better (like a back-yard carnival in the summer if you have space; or a party at the local art studio or amusement center; if there are a lot of guests, you can rent the space for 2 consecutive hours, have 2 parties and save some cash).
When kids are small or if it's a party for family - ask for shared gifts. When they are older and it's a shared party for friends - the gift-giving is straight forward: friends of one sibling bring the gifts to that sibling, friends of the other one bring gifts to him. The invite we got always had a name of only one of the kids, who my daughter was in the same class with. So, I never felt like I have to bring a gift to a child I don't really know.
Let them each decide on one activity or project, and pick a cake they like the best.
We have 2 months between our kids' b'days and I'm going to double-up for as long as I can ... not just for us but for all the families that have no free time on weekends due to too many b'day party invites.
I did a combo family party for my 1 & 3 year old this past December (their birth dates are 2 days apart) and then a "friend" party for my 3 year old. This year I am doing one big party for family and friends for both. Hoping to find a boy/girl or gender neutral theme that will encompass enough decorating and activity ideas that will appeal to both kids and their friends.
Also, to avoid the present dilemma consider do separate invites for the kids to send to their own friends even though the parties are combined.
We're having a combined party for our (soon to be) 2 and 4 year old kids this year. (And baby #3 is due a week later, so I'm guessing next year's party will be a triple celebration affair.) I plan to get away with this while they're young and change it up if/when my oldest gets interested in having her own party.
I like the suggestion the prior commenter made of sending separate invitations for the kids to send to their own friends in order to avoid the gift dilemma. Right now, my kids are young enough that this is not really a problem, but I can see how if they were inviting classmates it might be.
Also, as long as it's age-appropriate and something that you really think both (or all 3, as the case may be) kids would like, I think any parent or child who would have a problem with a combined gift (rather than multiple smaller gifts) is crazy! For storage reasons alone, as their mom I'd be thrilled with that! (Having 3 August bdays means a huge influx of "stuff.")
My younger brothers are a year and a month apart, so every year in between their 2 birthdays my parents would throw a joint party. Friends for one brother brought him a present, friends for the other brought the other one. We had one cake, but looking back on it I'm sure two would have been nicer (the joint party is obviously a cost saving measure though, so 1 cake it was!)
Everything worked fine. I will say though, 2 groups of boys a year apart, I still have vivid memories of all these young boys terrorizing our home! That's a different issue, but I think joint parties are just fine.
I remember having a couple of shared birthday parties with my brother (three years older) and it was no big deal from our (the kids') end. We both invited our friends, our friends just bought a gift for one of us. We had two cakes and two singings of Happy Birthday. It was basically two parties, but in a shared space (bowling alley, skating rink -- big up to the mid 80s).
This is a really interesting thread as my 3-year-old and 2-month-old's birthdays are just two weeks apart and I was wondering about combining celebrations for family and friends. Most of our family lives at least an hour or two away so it will probably be more convenient for guests to throw one big party. And big shared gifts? I'm ALL for that, especially since my kids are the same gender and I'm not a big fan of clutter.
what a timely topic! My girls have birthdays 3 weeks apart (they are turning 5 and 8). This year we have to move the older one's party back a few days and move the younger one's up. So this would mean 2 parties within a week; plus they both want the same theme and there will be some overlap of guests.I got them to agree to a joint party, with a special day on their birthday. I am planning a party that will knock their socks off! I hadn't thought of the gift issue though. They both still mostly play with the same things and are into crafts and music. I am crossing my fingers that it works out!
My daughter and twin boys have consequetive birthdays - 23, 24 and 25 May (the boys were born either side of midnight) ... this was the first year of the 'birthday festival' as it has come to be known ... we had one party, three cakes and 3 x happy birthdays and requested no pressies ... just come for the fun. That way no pressure. It is always going to be a muppet show ... but I think we will just have to embrace the 'fun for all' on one day as our special family tradition ... otherwise it will send us batty!
our son turned three and our daughter turned one. mid jan and first of feb. our family is scattered and it seemed silly to invite them all down just a couple weeks apart. we used a tropical theme this yr. i have thought of farm,carnival, circus, forest, bees or bugs, and castle. if i check my list i probably have some more. even super heros would work for boys and girls. i am not really down for the if you invite one kid from the class you have to invite them all. i am too old school to play by those rules that you can tell me who i have to invite. i am thinking or hoping that i can pull off the joined partys until around six. i think by then my son will have out grown the family partys and it could just be his friends. but my daughter will still have a couple of yrs for the family to gather. as far as gifts joint gifts are great! like books or gift certificates to movies, ice cream, or kid museum,zoo. or a simple gift like side walk chalk, playdough and other useable gifts. i have never refused a gift either.
I have three children born days apart (the most recent born a few weeks ago!) This year was the first time we did a combined party for the two older kids, a boy and a girl, simply because I was dangerously pregnant and didn't know if we'd get two separate parties in. I sent them each to school with their own invitations, and the invites were tailored to each child so none of the guests felt obligated to bring a gift for each child. They opened gifts separately from one another, which worked well, and they had a single cake and shared games. I was always against combined parties, but this one worked out very well and all the kids played well together. I'd do it again if they were up for it!
my sons were born Jan 25 and Jan 26 two years apart. they have had 2 double birthday parties in the past two years and have had a blast. Honestly, the only problem I see is that people felt required to bring a gift for both boys, and that's expensive, and I felt terrible at how spoiled they looked. This past year we threw a glow in the dark birthday party and requested that people bring a tshirt to decorate and no gifts at all. it was a blast! the boys didn't even miss birthday presents and there were so many kids running around they all had a blast. I think that as long as we can last we will do a double party. they both get to pick what kind of cake they want and what they want as a present for us and it's no big deal.
A friend of mine has 5 kids and they were all born in the fall. On each child's birthday they get a cake, presents from their parents and get to pick out the meal their mom makes. Instead of separate parties their parents throw an insanely huge Halloween carnival and each kid gets to invite a number of kids based on their age. The kids all have a blast and love the tradition.
Look, not to be harsh on the parents who are into this solution, but I vote no. The younger child gets lost in the party.
My niece and nephew were born two days apart and will be two and four. Last year they had a shared birthday and another is planned.
My niece totally vanished in the crowd of three-year-olds and adults. The party wasn't an ideal time of day for her specifically. Nobody made a big to-do over her. It was a moment where it felt like such a painfully obvious 'second child syndrome' day, where practicality won out over being special. If the kid had been born in her own season...right?
My kid has a Christmas birthday so I know about log-jam birthdays, it's never ideal but c'mon!
For twins, on the other hand, joint parties make total sense until the day they don't. I'm all for it.
I don't have a shared birthday, and only one child (so far). But from an outside perspective I would say that a 2 year old doesn't need a birthday party to feel special. Their little world mostly revolves around them. I am sympathetic to a grumpy 2 year old who is expected to attend a party during nap time, especially as a guest of honor.
Of course I'm the grump who didn't throw any party at all till this year (he's just barely 4) and started to ask about about his birthday and his birthday party.
(When he was one we were lucky enough to be Disneyland pass holders and we did their little party. The other years we did a little cake the 3 of us.)