So far down my list of priorities, it's a speck.

My "ex" (also in the design profession) used to argue endlessly about decor. My style was classic Modernism and her style was a bit organic. At one point we had about 12 paint samples hung on one wall for year...when one of us (If forget which one) caved on the color the debate then turned to how to treat the baseboard. On and on it went.

My "current" is great, she has great taste and has added a love of color to my style.

Having differing tastes can be a strain, especially when it's REALLY important to one but not the other. And it's even worse when the other person can't visualize things!

I am sad to say, it probably matters more to me than it should. Bachelor pad decor is a big NO.

I'm so old and set in my design style ways that I would have to say it would be a factor...kinda like the way they dress.

Styles change. Would you not date someone just because you didn't like their jacket or their shoes? They can change shoes, just like they can change armchairs. Everyone has habits the other person hates - the trouble comes when people put that at the forefront of their relationship, rather than work on compromises.

Part of what makes a relationship work is acknowleging each other as equals. It always bothers me when I see AT posts from people who say, "my spouse refuses to let me do..." what do you mean, refuse? Why? Is this a practical reason or because they're stubborn?

Note that the comfort of your favorite reading chair has very little to do with its shabby floral fabric. Look past what it was and recover it as something you can both enjoy.

I think it's actually hardest to deal with living with someone who has a strong opinion but does not invest the same amount of energy into expressing their style as the other partner. You can overcome style differences in a variety of ways, but if one person is vocal and proactive about showing their taste and the other isn't, it leads quickly to resentment and distrust (in my experience) unless the more assertive partner makes a point of really including the other person in every step of the process. And that's exhausting.

I get to pick the house decor, my husband has his shop in the garage, so we both win!

The first time I stepped into my boyfriend's flat I was speechless. I could smell the damp even before he opened the door. Then old faded wallpaper and grey/green linoleum flashed before my eyes. Add to this several feet of black material draped around the doorways (I still don't know why) and posters of naked vampirettes. A couple of salvaged items of furniture that were not pretty. I wasn't feeling this goth-pauper vibe.

I, on the other hand, was living in an extremely clean studio with lots of character, packed full of ikea furniture and pointless (but vintage) ornaments.

Six years later we've learned to compromise. We both love flea markets (most of our pieces I buy on the cheap and revamp myself), and I've taught him to love a clean home. Thankfully, white walls and retro design go pretty well together!

We make all of our decor decisions together, so it's a little strange to me that people literally divide the home into zones and one person gets to make all the decisions in their zone. I don't get it - even if the other person isn't as good at design, isn't it a shared home?

I know this may sound esoteric (using esoteric sounds esoteric) but it is true that styles can change but design philosophies do not. There is a big difference and design philosophies can be as different as religious differences.

@TINYHANDS - my thoughts exactly!

How can I get the lids that fit tin cans? The designer is Jack Bresnahan. I loved them and would like to buy some.

When I met my current partner 15 years ago. He was Noguchi and Nagle. I have always been more Upstairs Downstairs. Thankfully, he was more concerned with function than with aesthetics. Once I showed him that traditional things could also be functional he was OK with my interiors and I was OK with his electronics and computers. As we are getting older both of us are becoming more concerned with comfort, easy use and easy maintenance. Really, as long as my partners, are stable, loyal, kind, and appreciate my rather strange sense of humor nothing else is all that important.

I could never date anyone who painted over a nice piece of wood.

My husband's bachelor pad initially terrified me - minimalist, mid-century modern, super clean with white walls. I remember thinking to myself "this will never work". I lived in a colorful old house full of antiques, dust and dog hair.

It DID work, though. I learned that I actually loved midcentury design and that it paired very nicely with primitive and time-worn wooden furniture. Also, it turns out it was only super-clean because he had only recently moved in (not that he's a slob now, just not the persnickety neat nick I had imagined) and the fact that his digs read "minimalist" to me had more to do with a lack of funds or desire to decorate than an adherance to a design aesthetic. The very best discovery of all? He's COLORBLIND! We've never had a disagreement about paint colors:)

Is this post a vetoed Seinfeld episode or something? "The Bad Decorator?"

First off this would require finding a man for which interior design is of any consequence. So far in this life I have not encountered such a man. This post is making me realize how lucky I am that my husband doesn't give a crap what color the couch is as long as it's comfortable.

I don't know if I would break up with a new love interest over design, but I would definitely judge them for it. I get frustrated when men don't have a style at all, or say they don't care. I'd rather have an animated conversation about differing design philosophies than be with someone who's attitude is "I don't care". Lack of creativity and personal expression is a deal breaker for me.

My 'ex' was extremely function over form.. So much so that he would often, in my opinion, ruin things for no reason. He would just rip out things he thought only served aesthetic purposes... It would drive me crazy. I got tired of riding in his car without a dashboard.. finally called it quits. I just can't be with someone who doesn't appreciate aesthetics to that level. Different styles can come to compromises, but when someone detests style all-together.. I can't do that.

I think because I'm in my 50's and been single for so long, it would not bother me how 'he' decorated his home. It's an extention of who he is. But know that if I do meet someone, I have no intention of moving in with him or even want to get married. (Been down that road) I'm happy having my space and he can have his man-cave.

@ jess13 - Why would a guy who cared about design be a bad thing? If it's important to you, wouldn't it be great if you had a partner who also cared and could be interested in your hobby? And my husband definitely cares about design. He might not like some of my choices, but he cares about them and has input. The bigger items (furniture, art) we decide on together.

The only "design" element my boyfriend cares about is how big the tv is.

my husband buys too much little items.
A lot of times after a while I took them to a consignment store, he never noticed they were gone.

too MANY , sorry

I've got to admit that's been on my mind recently. I've just started dating a great guy who's decorating taste could not be further away from mine. I'm fairly modern, clean lines with a mid-century twist and a mix of lots of white with bright, saturated color. He is earth tones and the most gigantic, heavy ornate carved wood furniture I've ever seen. I don't view it as a dealbreaker by any stretch of the imagination since we get on well in many more important ways but it has crossed my mind that it would be impossible to blend those two styles if we ended up moving in together. The only compromise I could possibly imagine would be for us to each take a room! @Pi - I agree, I'd never before envisioned a situation where you couldn't make those decisions together but I'd also never expected to mesh so well on fundamental values with someone who's interior design is so completely opposite to mine!

My ex and I had hugely different styles. Even though we were both very resistant to the idea of change initially, our tastes, styles, and even design philosophies did change after a few years. That's what relationships are about: compromises and learning. If you keep an open mind, you never know what you will learn.

hm...I guess only if it becomes a major point of contention. If how to decorate a house turns into a fight, it's probably much deeper than coming to an agreement on paint chips and carpet samples.

This is hilarious. I actually decided I wanted to start dating my partner when I went to his apartment for the first time, and I thought, "If I were a guy, this would be how my apartment would look." I just think that a person's sense of style is an expression of what they value, and I knew immediately that we had shared values, which is the most important thing to me in a relationship.

I couldn't date someone who differed from me in religious or political views, unless they were generally open-minded. It's not out of me being judgmental of people who differ from me (quite the contrary), but out of wanting to be able to relate to someone on a deep level. And I think one's spirituality is manifest in how they dress or decorate their home.

Some people, especially in America, seem to think that a focus on aesthetics is somehow superficial or a sign of low moral standing or materialism or something, whereas I just think it's a celebration of the world and of creativity.

My partner and I have been living together for several years, and at this point our design philosophies are so in sync. I cannot imagine having to integrate my taste with something as polar-opposite as Hollywood regency or glam, but I am generally not attracted to that type of person.

I think as long as both parties are flexible and respectful of one another, differing styles can work out just fine. That said, like lyonstill, I've lived alone a long time and really like having things MY way! My cousin, also in her 50s, has been in a relationship with someone for 10 years, and it works because they each have their own house and their own style.

The dealbreaker for me would be a lack of respect and flexibility, not their style.

@Kins, great comment and I agree completely. If there is any thought or philosophy behind someone's style it does say something about that person.

I'd rather date someone who had taste and style over somone who doesn't. Decor has a lot to do with creativity and personal expression. Bringing two different tatses into one that balances both designs means that their is harmony between the two styles. If you can't make it work, either it's you who isn't willing to change or the other person isn't willing to change. If you can't blend your styles and make it work, it's saying something deeper than what's on the outside.

I think it's the quality of the style taste, not the actual, specific, style taste, that would irk me :)

To me a room can invoke such feeling, I find the decor to be quite important in creating a desired feeling when my guests and myself are there. If the differences are too great in that area, I find they seldom stop there. I have ended at least two relationships largely for those reasons. The man I chose has similar tastes to mine and where we differ, I find myself willing to adapt. If one of us doesn't love an item, we go in another direction.

@Pi: I didn't say it was a "bad thing." I said that (as a woman) I've never dated a man who had any design sense beyond 'that TV is huge' or 'this couch smells like dog but it's soooo comfortable'! Then again I'm only 29 and haven't dated in several years, so I very well may be quite ignorant here. It's just a very foreign concept to me.

I am a person who is pretty set in what I like, so my hubs not having a strong design sense beyond 'I like that' or 'I hate that' is a part of our balancing act. We did pick the main paint color together, so you know, baby steps.

I think this is why, back in the day, the house was the wife's domain. Wife decides, husband learns to live with it. Solved.

I dated - and then married - a man with an apartment so abysmal that I actually thought the only answer was for both of us to create a home together elsewhere. I didn't say anything at first - just waited to see where the relationship was going and focused on who he was, but once we were committed it was ON. After looking around, walking through and pricing other apartments that offered much less space for way more money I got over myself and set about the task of redecorating. It's taken about 2.5 years of obsessive scanning of ApartmentTherapy, DesignSponge, Houzz - and One King's Lane sales, eBay auctions and Craig's List finds - but we're finally at a place where there's little else to buy and some editing to be done. He's objected to very little (said "no" to Ghost chairs and that's about it -my answer was a clear Kartell lamp) and we're both really pleased with an apartment that's neither masculine nor feminine, kind of mid-century with a traditional twist and - overall - nice to entertain in and come home to.

When I met my husband, one of the many things I found so attractive was his (rented) apartment and his sense of style. He moved into my (owned) one-bedroom apartment and we've been here 12 years.

I've studied design professionally and we're both photographers (he professionally), so he trusts my eye. His taste was more modern and his ultimate design dis is "too granny" which has stopped me from a few purchases. Generally, we share a strong appreciation for beauty, color and a lovely home.

When I was single, I rented and never really spent the money and time to make my home the way I wanted it to be. (I was too busy saving for a friggin' downpayment in NYC, which took every cent of my extra cash.)

I wasn't going to judge someone for their decor, barring something like porn star posters or something really disconcerting.

@SandyFloors -- Amen Sister! How big the TV is. How close the couch is to said TV. How loud he can make said TV (surround sound) and is there a fully stocked pantry that contains all of his favorite snack foods. Of course, that was then, this is now and I live alone with my five 4-legged animal companions and they only thing THEY care about is: food, a warm snuggly place to sleep and endless amounts of affection.

My boyfriend and I have completely different tastes. We don't live together, so usually it isn't an issue -- except when it is. I'm pretty monochromatic, mostly Hollywood regency-ish with femme details and some bulkier pieces to butch it up a little. He's all about bright colors, technology everywhere, and everything has to be antiqued or distressed, which I completely fail to understand or enjoy.

For our anniversary last year he offered to buy me shelving for my books, if he got to choose it: really faux-aged dark wood with big lumpy supports. The shelves were supposed to go all around the room, a few feet from the ceiling, so I wanted something much lighter and more delicate so it didn't feel claustrophobic or hovering.

Result: I didn't get an anniversary present.

In general I don't really care about a guy's style as long as it isn't fratboy. If his place looks like an adult's and he can take care of himself, I don't care if it's modernist or midmod or what. Merging might be more complicated, but we could cross that bridge if we ever came to it.

@jess13 - It was the connotation. Saying "This post is making me realize how lucky I am that my husband doesn't give a crap what color the couch is as long as it's comfortable" implies that those whose spouses do "give a crap" are unlucky.

well, I've been married almost 20 years to someone who has either no sense of style (when I'm feeling snarky) to a diametrically oppressed sense of style ( when I'm feeling generous). He rates chairs by something he refers to as "butt happiness". OTOH, he is honest, upright, loving and true, so a bit of plaid is well worth it.

As what seems to be an old married person, I would say that it seems nice when couples at least agree that design is something worth working at. Like any other hobby, though, the relationship had better have more to it than shared love of Eames or shabby whatnot.

The real issue is not whether you like each other's decorating style but how you deal with all your individual differences as a couple.

Maybe you compromise, maybe you negotiate, maybe you take turns, maybe you hold out for things you both like, - any way of dealing with differences that works for both of you is OK. But, it's not about style, it's about how you deal with all differences of taste or opinion etc.

I often think that marriage isn't about finding the One True Love, but figuring out how you can live with someone in such a way that you both can have what you most want out of life, together. In fact, it's a lot like decorating, which for most people is about how can they can have a room they love with not enough light/space/money/time etc.

Never again. I've moved in twice to a home that I knew I would be miserable in and I was right. Neither relationship lasted and since their homes did show an aspect of their personalities, I should have listened to that little voice that said 'this won't work out'.

@tetegrondona - why not?

Please, I'm just happy to find a guy in the 30-year range that even HAS a home decor style.

I'm with @Dulcibella. Relationships are about compromise. Sharing a space is about that too. Maybe the compromise solution is "I don't care a lot, so you can decide." Maybe it's "Love me love my dog/sofa/poster collection, whatever". If you can't live with the solution, regardless of what the issue is, the relationship might not be strong enough to continue. I could never compromise about smoking -- you smoke, I do not want to be there. Decor, I'm easier with that.

Fortunately my boyfriend is giving me free reign in decorating.... since his style is "randomly-placed clutter accented with cement blocks" -- very function over form. If he was attached to his clutter that would have been a deal-breaker, however he's happy to see his house slowly being transformed into a home now.

My nesting instinct is STRONG. Plus I know because of all my past living environments, I'm on the edge of controling. I agree with those that say it would be easier to be with someone with no opinion rather than someone who had a strong conflicting opinion.

I know my personal style horribly clashed with my "exes". Not why we're not together any more, but I feel releaved that I don't cross the design road with them still. And now that I am slightly more mature, I know that it is something important enough for me to think about when considering long term compatibilty.

this is a serious question? honestly? wow. shallow.

when I met my spouse we were both broke international students living in a shabby student residence. no extra cash. not a penny. what mattered - and what continues to matter - is who we are, in our hearts, in our souls, in our very beings. And that means a lot more than what kind of chair we decide to sit on.

i'll add that we both like fun and whimsy in our house. but both of us like our budget more than we like our 'stuff' and so we're both willing to bend, as long as fun and whimsy win out. Colour and lots of it. that's our basic mantra. we break most 'rules' but most of our guests like it.

I've made the mistake of thinking that it didn't matter. I moved in with a boyfriend thinking he wouldn't mind if I straightened things out a bit... i was wrong, wrong, wrong.

My husband has spectacular taste. He picked me didn't he? ;p

We both care passionately about design and work in design. We can always come to agreement on design choices for our home, and our slightly obsessive interior designing is one of the things we enjoy doing together. When we first met, I was in part attracted by the way he dressed and the way he decorated his home. I don't think I could be with someone who didn't think design was important, but if they left all the decor to me to plan and enjoy, it would probably be OK. I wouldn't discount someone for not being into design as long as they respected my interest. They would still have to be tidy though.

My husband and I have completely different tastes in almost everything. The cool thing is when it comes to our home it's mixed well and it's fun to discover how we can make things work together.

Much more important is clean vs. slob. Much more fundamental. Generally when you start shopping together, styles converge.

I dated a guy who loved the traditional over-stuffed sofa and prints of deer. If someone had given him a Kincade, he'd have hung it. I am much more mid century modern, and while we discussed living together, I think we both knew it would never work. Now I know that I need to find a guy who is fine with letting me design a space, or that likes a similar style. Otherwise neither of us will be happy.

style says a lot about the person. I couldn't date someone who lived in a pig sty, but that is more about cleanliness than style. New styles could be enlightening. Always good to live outside the comfort zone, that's how we grow.

I get accused of being gay because my house is neat and i am single. interesting how people think.

now if a woman walks into a guys place and it smells, the focus is on the huge tv, and there is crap everywhere, you cannot expect much from the guy. In fact, run. I knew plenty of guys like this and there is a correlation there. And in 10 years, when the guy just wants to sit in front of the tv and not go to an art museum with you, what can you really expect? You saw what you were getting.

Being 48 I would have to say maybe... But honestly, I would be more concerned if we did not click on a clean or messy home. I really enjoy being clean and organized, I would have a tuff time living with someone who was very messy. I think it would be fun (and challenging) to fit different styles together especially in a small space.

@EdmundD - I don't see how being neat can possibly mean you're gay. Because men have to be slobs and like pinup girls? And girls love flowers and lace curtains? Gender stereotypes are stupid.

I was once told by a former acquaintance that a married man who dresses sharply has to be looking for an affair because married men don't do that. First...what a load of BS...but who's to say that a man or woman can't take pride in being a sharp dresser, or likewise, a sharp designer?

I began to fall in love with my husband on our third date when I stepped into his beautiful antique- and eccentric/industrial object-filled apartment. We combined tastes really well.

Dealbreakers of past dates: professionally "decorated" apartment (complete with white rug). Mirrored mylar vertical blinds, massive stuffed animal collection, and nifty (not) round dining table that flipped over to transform into a gambling surface. No books (or like ten crappy books including Ayn Rand).

DUANE HILL - I could never date anyone who painted over a nice piece of wood.

I love that comment! I'm pretty flexible when it comes to making a home 'our home' with a partner but my ex was all about having things his way or the high way. That didn't work obviously. My current partner and sweetheart appreciates a comfortable couch but doesn't obsess over it. Communication and flexibility should solve most issues between partners - right?

Well my style is more minimalism and modernism with touches of color. My ex's style was dark-as in black everything (some dark blues) and reds (I hate red). I tried to covert to his style and colors....however after we broke up I realized his love of black was also his mood - dark and mean. (not saying black is mean, I actually love black & white decor). I brightened up my place since the break up and feel so much better :)

I agree with @Dulcibella. It's not about having the same taste, it's about making it work. For me, it wouldn't be a deal breaker if somebody had different taste than mine, a deal breaker would be if that person discounted my taste and then tried to make me follow their design gospel.

When I talk about style, I don't just mean how his home is decorated, but how he presents himself in general. Does he dress nicely? Is he too into his hair? Is his place reasonably tidy?

Those things actually tell me a lot about someone's personality and values -- lazy? driven? easy-going? arrogant? -- so in that sense, someone's personal style can be one of the most telling factors about a potential relationship.

in general, i think it's pretty shallow to write someone off because you have different styles. there's so much more to life and love than liking the same material possessions. but there are a few instances where i could see long-term issues that are somewhat design-related.

if one partner is a hoarder or "collector" and the other likes clean, empty, minimalist spaces, they'd probably both feel uncomfortable in the same home. the collector would feel like they live in a cold, barren museum. the minimalist would feel trapped by clutter and chaos. meeting somewhere in between would make them both unhappy with their home. but that's less about style and more about a philosophy of living.

after that, designing for two people is all about hyphens. industrial-organic, midcentury-cottage, minimalist-country. i think rather than compromising on every design decision, it's better for each partner to get some of their style in every space. get the industrial shelves he likes, the living-edge table she likes. they'll work in the same space.

that said, anyone over the age of 18 with disney paraphernalia or a prominently displayed keychain collection is automatically out of the running in terms of dating. but those are more "this person is crazy" red flags than design disagreements.

I am so thankful that my husband has no opinion whatsoever of the way our house looks. I often think that is one of my favourite qualities about him. I cannot imagine having to compromise over the way our house looks. It seems like such an integral part of who I am it would be hard to change it. Though I do have to say that I attempt to make our house a comfortable and warm place for him and our kids.

At first I didn't like my husband's very different aesthetic taste. Then, over time, I realized his taste was actually better than mine. Living with him made me appreciate more sophisticated, subtle design.

That said, I couldn't live with a minimalist, because that tends to go with a certain personality type who would never, ever want to live with me anyway.

My boyfriend is definitely more of the "five guitars and no furniture" type, but he does have a good appreciation for style and design and has a nice minimalist style that I can appreciate. I like that he can at least have an opinion and hold a conversation about it rather than just saying he doesn't care. If he had more money he would probably have room for his guitars AND some nice furniture...

When you find that perfect partner? Hell, no style doesn't matter. Unless his house is unsanitary. I dated a guy who stuttered - he was insecure about it, but I found it to be an awesome quirk. He was so loyal - what bothered me was he lived with his mom and his room smelled like pizza. Sadly I broke up with him a few months later when all I heard was his mom and him arguing back and forth. Later I regretted it - overall he was a real catch.

We have been married for 47 years and I love that he likes that I paint over woodwork to brighten the space. I used to think it was just me designing, but over the years, when we are at Crate and Barrel or DWR ,he has definite opinions that I value. We listen to each other and I never would have married someone who was my exact opposite. Marriage is hard enough without being polar opposites. We love each other because because it is easy to be together.

Haha! Well this is a very interesting topic!
I'm a web designer so I put a lot of importance in visual, my space HAS TO make me happy. I have a big white and yellow room with brown, white and pink accents and I just love it. I'm single at the moment and I just can'T imagine if my future man couldn't stand the colors I like (I could let go of the pink for him but the yellow? goooood question) haha!

OMG my husband and I fight about this very thing. When you have so much in common, you are not used to fighting. Then you find out your "styles" aren't the same and it can cause major issues. Its the only thing we fight about. We are also both born to fight to the death. It got so bad that we had to make rules for decorating. We have to sit down at a table with paper and pens and hash it out. If we dont do this we will fight forever. I know it seems silly but its the only thing we really have to fight about. So it becomes a big deal. So the rules for fighting/ decorating a space.

#1 we meet at a table. #2 We must have pens,paper, paint samples ect. Bring all the ideas. #3 You can only give a vote of yes, no or maybe. You can not say "that is ugly" or "you suck". #4 You have to pick the function of the room and stay true to the function. Meaning you can not stick a twin bed in the living room and the dinning area must contain a table to eat at ...ect. #5 the function of the room trumps any ideas you may have. #6 Always try to use what we have and not to add anything. We have a small space and you have to be able to walk through it, without being part mountain goat. #7 Consider a compromise. Oddly Teal does go nicely next to an organic tan and a green apple and a dark brown..#8 Furniture for function like a stand for the TV and Storage comes before accent pieces. #9 Everything has to be kept to scale. That sectional I loved in the show room was just to big for our living room. It would have not looked as nice in our home as it did there. So I had to let it go. #10 Sometimes you have to let some things go. I lost out to a more "classic" sofa but I got my vintage half circle swivel club chairs. It doesnt look bad either.Sometimes compromising on things turns into something even better.

It's so funny this was brought up! My husband has always been pretty indifferent to design. And pretty much always let me do what I want. One day he surprised me with a Keep Calm poster over our bed. That was literally* the last time he tried to have input! Hahahahahaha!!!!

*He's dead at the bottom of a lake.

Another long time married here (married 32 years; together 35+). I don't know whether we had different or similar styles; we met out freshman year in college and I think grew up together in many many ways, including stylistically. My husband does have opinions on design issues and a superb color sense, so our house has been designed by both of us. It is one of those things we treasure together and have always been in agreement in the larger sense--that making a home is important and worth the time, energy, creativity, and, to the extent we can afford it, dollars.

I do think that if I were ever to be on my own, I would probably not be able to share a living space with someone else--too used to what I am used to, I guess.

To the commenters calling this discussion shallow: you're hanging out on a design website, no? This topic is tailored to people interested in, even passionate about, design. I don't see how desiring that our mates' tastes mesh well with our own is any more shallow than, say, an avid outdoorsman desiring that his potential mate like to camp, or a film buff preferring that her lover enjoy "good" cinema. This is our hobby, sometimes our livelihood. Desiring to share it and collaborate harmoniously with, or at least not be impeded by, our partner is nothing to be ashamed of!

Oh please... can someone just show me a man who is open to compromise and will love me forever? That is all I ask... yet it is so hard to find.

No. I've learned that the hard way.
Much better if they are in love with my style.

My boyfriend had hideous taste -- motorcycle photos and a bullet-display plaque from a gun manufacturer (he was in charge of a regional firing range for correctional officers). His favorite color was burgundy. But I loved the crazy man, so I swallowed my objections and we shared decor until he passed away three years ago. One particularly pathetic faux oil painting from Kmart reminded me so much of him that I kept it until a few weeks ago, when I finally took it to the dump's giveaway area. I also repainted a dresser he'd rescued from another dump and use it to store extra blankets. And his mother's china was definitely not my style, but I use it every day and am grateful I font have to buy dishes any time soon.

DON'T, not font. Bad smartphone!

I wish my OH had MORE of an opinion. I would love it if someone could just take charge and make those decisions. As it is, our house has no purposeful 'style', it's just evolved organically over the years.

I WISH I'd paid heed to the warning signs that popped up while decorating our apartment after we married: Decades of clutter (including toys, textbooks, sports and equipment that had not been touched since childhood), more clutter occupying every available horizontal surface (but purposefully arranged), shelves buckling under books (which was a turn-on at the time but not now that I know he never lets any go), and the art on the walls was Ansel Adams (safe, boring) and random scifi images (which I thought would be confined to his office). There was too much I overlooked, thinking I wasn't going to be shallow (but I am, I'm an artist), and what took me years to realise is that these are the signs of a person who hangs onto his past obsessively and builds his ego/identity very much on physical objects and displays (again, the irony is that I'm the visual expert). There is no compromise--he hates alternatives I propose, does and suggests nothing for the apartment--aside from keeping things the cluttered way he has them. I can only constantly declutter my own tiny spaces and work on things that do not touch his possessions. There are of course other issues, and I envision being out of this marriage within a year. But it's not STYLE per se that's the dealbreaker, it's the self-honesty, flexibility (and/or imagination) and understanding the other party has--or not.

Sometimes I feel like I'd love if my husband didn't care how I decorate, but on the other hand I'm glad he has good taste and cares about his surroundings. We like a lot of the same things but he has a narrower range of aesthetics he likes so it can be frustrating.

As superficial as it may sound, I have dismissed guys over the look of their apaertment. I once dated a guy whose apartment was super sterile and sleek looking in a way that made me feel really nervous. I like modern design sensabillities but seriously, that guy had only a designer white leather armchair and a laquer white plastic stool in his space. YUCK.
It also immedianyly triggered my "gay alert". I'm not judging, but I like my guys to be more carefree about the look of their apartment (as long as it clean of course).
My boyfriend now has crappy taste, but luckily for me he's aware of it so he let me do all the design choices (his only request was to keep a chinese style stool which I honestly don't care much about, for the better or worst)

Before Marriage: If his apartment looked like he wanted to live in the movie 9.5 Weeks, I was running for the door. Otherwise, all was well.

After Marriage to a "Bachelor Pad" man: I've learned that just because a man doesn't appear to be trying to decorate doesn't mean he doesn't have *very. stubborn. opinions* on the matter. Three years of marriage and I'm still living in a bachelor pad because he won't get rid of anything -not even the 80's wallpaper. LOVE the man, hate the house.

In a household of two women who have different design aesthetics there has to be a lot of give and take. When we started dating I noted intolerable bathroom clutter and thought I could change that habit. Not so much. I can have all surfaces clear but only if I do it myself. Daily. Any design decision that puts anything where you would have to open a door or drawer is deemed non-functional. Twenty years later we are still happy, but if something annoys you on first glance don't expect it to change.

@Madampince That's a lovely comment. :) If something ever happened to my husband, you are right, I'd love his god awful, cordoroy, 80's blue Lazy Boy recliner (complete with velcro remote control) like it was my child. :)

Of course I would!... when I met my husband he didn't really have a sense of style which was actually great because he does have great taste so I just helped "polish" him a bit. I think if the person is inflexible, that, rather than their sense of style would be the dealbreaker! Design challenges are GOOD because they push you out of your comfort zone, so I say an opposing viewpoint is great!

www.riotfordesign.blogspot.com

I date someone now whose style I am just not sure of....but her place is still somewhere around 1989 or so...

I'm with Ducibella too. Tastes evolve and change over time and life happens as do our responses to situations. Someone may start out as a minimalist and wind up becoming more cluttered due to life circumstances--it does and can happen. I don't find anything to be so black and white or so linear. Deal breakers for me are demonstrating an inflexible rigid attitude and lack of empathy. If someone has different taste fine, but if they try to discount or to ridicule my taste and then tried to ram their design gospel down my throat--that is a massive deal breaker and guess what--they are history. Life is too short to deal with such BS--people who exhibit poor, inflexible attitudes. Case in point I've collected a few antiques combined with family hand-me-downs, which I love. I'm certain people who comment here would find them distasteful, but who cares. The fact is they have meaning to me and my attachment to them is not because I cannot let go of the past. I would bitterly resent someone suggesting anything of the kind or that I get rid of something to appease their addiction to a trend or because they don't feel it fits well with something else. I like design too, but I don't have an obsessive focus. My desire is comfort and to relax and enjoy life with the people that I love. I don't want to turn design into some sort of brutual bone of contention to destroy a relationship over. But hey, people can make their own choices.

My husband and I have been married for nearly 7 years. We are both creative but never thought twice about decorating choices when we rented. However when it came to buying and then renovating our swanky 70's condo we all of a sudden had a rift in our marriage. I have a modern whimsical approach and he's all industrial.... This issue kept me up for months! You know what fixed our design angst? Money! You can't design it if you can't afford it ;) yay for being poor! lol.

I no longer date, but for me to be attracted to someone they need to be interesting. To be interesting, you need to HAVE many interests, which entails investing time (so no time for tidying or obsessing about what the house looks like), and having the paraphernalia that goes with those interests (or clutter, as AT would have it). So anyone I would date would probably not have an acceptable style according to AT!

I found, like with pets, it's best to find a partner who matches & accessorizes your home. Brown sofa? Get a brown partner so that you never see him when he's flopped all over it. Find one that doesn't shed or piddle on the floor- very important. And like with pets, if your style changes, or it's a new season, or you just get bored with them, just find some sort of rescue agency to take them off your hands.

And I am totally joking of course. Except for the brown husband. He looks so toasty against my green sofa! Yum!

That's a difficult question... I would say yes... but I'm not sure..
I'm currently in a relationship with someone...and it's been a long 3 years we lived together for a year and a half and then decided we weren't ready to live together...

He is more of a modernist and minimalist, me on the other hand am more of organic and eclectic style. I like to garden and grow my own vegetables so I often have just plant growing all along the windowsill, and my work station since I'm an artist is always full of art supplies...

Just yesterday we had a wonderful day but all of a sudden while sitting in his car waiting for me to go inside my apartment he said "... how can we really work out if you don't even want to move in with me... and how can I be with someone who has so much "clutter".." that clutter is all of my art supplies!!! I have paints, frames, canvasses, papers, beads, strings, I love making jewelry, painting, drawing, and crafting... and he likes it but at the same time he doesn't....

He wants to move, I would.. but I don't want to leave behind all my art supplies which he says to just throw out.. I have a collection of dishes and he says "throw them" I had some really nice shelving that was a fancy oak finish and polish, and another one that was a very sturdy new-ish shelf that was painted a pretty coral color, and both of those during my last move I had to toss because I had no one to help me during that move but him..

Yeah... I parted with it b/c I love my boyfriend and he said it was unnecessary... and wouldn't help me with it... and well... I love my boyfriend... but thinking about it... I think I shouldn't have tossed it... I should have sold it... or kept it... Ahh drives me nuts thinking about that, so I won't.

I don't remember where I read this or who wrote it, but a long time ago I saw this somewhere: "When you first meet someone you will know the reason you will leave them."
@ crzy305spdy: My advice? Dump him. Now. No offense or disrespect to the person you love, but the fact is being an artist is who you are & he seems bent on changing that. I too have art supplies- beads, fabric, paints, old maps, collage materials up the wazoo, old bird nests, shells, glitter pens,... name it I have it. And occasionally hubby doesn't quite get it that I need to bring home this twisted piece of rusty metal I found in a field. But he's NEVER told me to get rid of the stuff. Never. Because he wants me to be who I am. Not a decorator piece to accompany HIS taste. I'm organic, everything is a potential collage piece. I decorate with antique medicine bottles, Navajo rugs, Mexican textiles, Micaceous pottery from various pueblos in our area. He is more spindle turned black wood, crackled glass, & wrought iron- don't ask how, but we make it work! (I remember the day I was slightly horrified that he brought home this humongous black & white foto print of a woman whose face is obscured by an over sized black veiled hat. But I made peace in my heart about something he truly liked- it was obvious he was so happy with his find!- & as it turns out, it looks fabulous hanging next to my collection of bright colorful Charro (Mariachi) sombreros!! The black & white of the foto helps balance & the bright flamboyant giant hats!) Compromise is the name of the game & never being selfish. I understand that my art supplies could take over the whole house & since I actually want to separate my working area from the living area I have my own separate art room. He is not allowed to comment on my collection of found deer skulls because they are in my space. And I leave him alone in the space he created for himself in the garage. I will never understand how someone could meet another person, fall in love with them, then set out to change them into someone else. It's easier to just go find someone who already meets your criteria. And not to sound too stereotypical about it, but I see that usually it is more of the woman trying to change the man. I have many female friends who lament "He would be perfect if I could just get him to change." I always answer: "What, are you crazy?! Let him go to find someone who likes him as he is- with his pen & beer can collection. You go find Mr. Perfect who is nothing but a lump of clay waiting for you to mold him into an exact replication of yourself. And never let him be alone in his 'Man Cave' while YOU go off & do all the 'woman' things that make you happy. Make sure he always has a mop & broom in his hands & he knows how to use them." Now this goes the other way, as in your case crzy305spdy, so he needs to just let you be who you are. Let him be who he is. Two people can love each other & be willing to make the compromise. And sometimes it's just best to let them go.

If they were irritating enough about trying to impose their taste, then I definitely wouldn't.