It really not uncommon - especially as people seem to get older and have extra bedrooms as the kids move out... I know an eldery couple who sleeps separately just based on their individual preferred room temperatures. As for me, I sleep with my spouse, mostly for the late night conversation potential.

I know two couple who sleep in separate beds. Loud snoring is the culprit.

My grandparents slept in separate rooms because of snoring. They were quite happy and very much in love- they just valued their sleep

My parents have slept in separate bedrooms since I was 13, as well as my maternal grandparents. I've always found it a bit odd, though this article makes me feel slightly better about it. I know my mother has said it was because of my father's snoring. It used to hurt my dad's feelings that they were it separate rooms, but it's been so long, he's grown used to it.

My parents have slept in separate bedrooms for at least 12 years and they've now been married for 41 years. My dad falls asleep really early and my mom has insomnia. I think sleeping in different rooms is why my parents have been able to stay married for 41 years.

One of the things we talk about is, when we can afford to move, having separate bedrooms. Sometimes I really like sleeping together. Sometimes I really like sleeping alone. I think it's kinda weird that we're supposed to get together and then share our beds for the rest of our lives. There are some nights that I'd love to sleep alone:

1. Tummy stuff. Food poisoning. Gas. How nice to just go to your own room and not worry about stinking up a shared room.
2. With really bad menstrual cramps. So nice to just curl up with a hot water bottle and a bed to myself.
3. Flu. It'd be really nice to be able to be in a bed alone with a fever- and conversely, if he gets sick, it'd be really nice to not have to sleep next to him!
4. Head cold. He snores; I don't sleep all night. That'd be awesome.
5. If one of us goes out with our friends and is coming in really late, usually drunk. Pass out in own room fully clothes= awesome.

It's also really nice to sleep together, fall asleep chatting, etc etc. Just, it'd be nice to have the option for both.

My grandparents slept in separate beds in the same room for years - my grandmother tended to move around a lot at night, and that way she didn't wake up my grandfather. I'm kind of surprised they didn't go with sparate rooms as well (my grandfather was a horrible snore-er), but I guess snoring didn't bother my grandmother.

My parents slept in separate rooms for quite a few years (maybe 6 or 7?) due to my dad's snoring, but my mom finally got sick of it (she hated being apart) and figured out that ear plugs and a white noise machine covered up the snoring well enough.

My mom moved into a spare room due to my dad's LOUD snoring . Sometimes we'd wake up in the middle of the night --that's how loud...we'd go and wake him when it got to that point. They did continue to "have private talks" together in the master bedroom.

Being single can suck for a variety of reasons, but I never mind having my bed to myself. I've always had problems falling asleep, so sharing a bed has always been difficult. I'm so much more comfortable without someone else's body heat, sleep noises, and movement, so if I have the luxury of an extra bedroom when I move in with someone/get married, I would definitely take advantage of it.

My boyfriend sometimes has to get up for work at 3am, so on those early mornings, he sleeps in the spare room. It has probably saved his life on a few occasions.

I never thought about sleeping in separate beds until my boyfriend and I moved in together. Between the two of us, we have two full-sized beds, but a tiny one-bedroom apartment. So, his bed is in storage, and we sleep in mine every night. We're seriously considering taking his bed out of storage and creating a "superbed" until we can afford a new queen size mattress/boxspring (we don't want to get a cheap one because we both have back issues, so this would be a big purchase for us). Of course, a superbed would take up pretty much the entire bedroom floor space. But the way things are now, we're constantly on top of one another, and don't even have space to roll over without shifting to the side a little. Neither of us is overweight, but we're not tiny, either. I think a queen-size bed would be the perfect size, but until that can happen...

To each their own, I guess.
However, my husband and I have talked about this. We have both come to the conclusion that it would never be right for us. There are too many reasons why we like sleeping together (besides the fact that we've done so for the past 13 years; since we were both 19).
It keeps us close and keeps communication flowing for us. To be apart most of the day, come home and have only a few hours together before we would go to our separate rooms would be torture!
But like I said, to each their own.

My parents have slept in separate bedrooms for 18 years. We are celebrating their 56th wedding anniversary in 3 weeks. It works for them.

I actually sleep better with my spouse than I did when single. Neither of snore, and we can get over the fact that he hogs the bed and I hog the covers. Its such an intimate things for us, to roll over over and hold each other before he has to leave for work in the morning. Plus, if I asked for a separate bed/bedroom, I think it would send him into a "you no longer love me" depression, lol.

My wife and I have seperate rooms. To some extent its because of practical things (I snore and need the covers tucked in and she needs the covers loose and tends to roll around like a pin ball), but reallty we each love having our own space. We'll often spend the night together--either for amorous reasons or just because we want company. I love that spending the night together is something we need to agree to and isn't just assumed as a given.

My maternal grandparents slept in separate beds. And my husband's parents in separate rooms. Not sure the reasons as no one has ever talked about it. I know I'm hot all the time and my husband is like sleeping with the superhero The Human Torch! He's not for it though. Sometimes if I can't sleep I'll sleep on the couch but very rarely. He gets in a huff. Twin beds are my secret fantasy. ;)

My husband is a loud snorer, and a tosser-and-turner, while I am the lightest of sleepers. We have slept in separate rooms for about ten years now, but I adore him totally, and these arrangements have had a distinctly positive effect on our marriage of 32+ years.

half the time my husband and I sleep in the same bed, half the time not. Having the option for both ensures we both get sleep when we need it. When he needs a good night of sleep he'll go in the guest room and kick the cats out. Sometimes he snores all night so I go to the other bed. Sometimes it's cold and instead of turning the heater on we'll cuddle together with all of our cats and it's wonderful. Having that option to sleep separately can save marriages because really, how many fights break out because both parties are tired and cranky?...

My grandparent-in-laws have slept in separate rooms for a bajillion years. He worked nights, and so it was a function of sleeping alone most nights/days anyways, it made sense for them to sleep in separate beds even when they were on the same sleep cycle, since that was what they were used to. Even though they're both retired now, they still sleep in separate beds, because they have different sleep cycles still!

I'd have my own bedroom AND bathroom if I had the extra space, and I've been married more than 20 years. Hubby's snoring is part of it, but also a wish for more room in the bed, freedom from another person's body smells, the constant annoyance of his body hairs on the bathroom counter, and his alarm clock always being set way earlier than I need. But then again, if you aren't thrown together every night it can be awfully easy to stay mad at one another.

My husband and I have separate bedrooms, because he snores and is a human heater. We also have different sleep habits/schedules, i.e. he often falls asleep before 10pm and gets up at 5am, whereas I'll read in bed from 11-1am and get up at 9. This way we don't resent each other for keeping one another awake, or disturbing each other's rest. It's definitely an arrangement that works for us. It's also really nice to have a space of your own. My great-grandparents also had separate rooms and I always thought that was cool. They were very close, but also liked their own space. My best pal and her husband have separate rooms as well, but most of my friends feel that they couldn't sleep apart from their partners.

Wow. Thank you for posting this. I am a 29 year old woman. My boyfriend I have been together for 4 years and sleeping in the same bed was a problem from the beginning. We both suffer mild to moderate insomnia. He likes cooold cold, I like warm fuzzies. I sleep spooning with my cats, he hates the fur. After a few months of horrible sleeps and fighting, we decided to stop kidding ourselves. we lived only a few blocks apart and stopped attempting to sleep over. a year ago, when we decided to move in together, we got a three bedroom house so we could have individual bedrooms. our relationship and sex life are great, if anything it requires us to be more creative. we feel it's private and we don't share the info, but close friends know the arrangement. (althought some have loudly gasped "whaaat??" when finding out which I thought was humiliatiing....

I have been in the best relationship of my life for 7 years...knowing he has his house and I have mine...screw separate rooms...I need space...miles, minutes of space. He stays over at least 3-4 nights a week or I stay over there 3-4 nights a week...too bad my husband and I didn't have the same arrangement...we would have probably still been married....sad but true.

Sleep habits, snoring, and temperature differences dictate whether two people can share a bed or even a bedroom. I also agree with Fairybekk that certain things shouldn't be shared in a marriage or live-in situation. I have never slept well in a shared bed.

Some people are better at co-sleeping than others. My beau and I happen to be highly compatible in our sleep habits. Not since I was a toddler sharing a bed with my adored older sister have I slept so soundly. He tells me he is far more rested after a night's sleep with me than after a night of sleeping alone. I feel the same way.
In this, as in many aspects of human relations, a lot of the results are due to simple similarities and differences in what each person brings to the relationship.

I know of many older couples who do this, but I've always wondered how it affected the "closeness" factor, wondering if it is a choice made after they grow apart or something, regardless of snoring, etc. I accept and totally appreciate that many types of relationships find success with varying levels of space, but for me personally I feel that it would interfere with intimacy--both emotional and physical. I find that if one of is away for a night for some reason, we're always eager to climb into our full-size (very cozy) bed together and wrap around one another. The physical closeness is tremendously comforting, even though we rarely fall asleep like that (I like space when I sleep, but love knowing he's right next to me.) That said, we've had nights where circumstances (perhaps an excessive cough with a cold or simple restlessness) has forced one of us to retreat to the guest room. It certainly helps us get sleep under those conditions, but does nothing for that sense of closeness that we get from sharing a bed. But hey, different strokes for different folks!

I prefer sleeping separately for many reasons. Generally, my boyfriend and I work very different schedules (I have to be up at 5:30 AM, he gets home at 1 AM). I snore, kick, and drool; I'm the world champion blanket-stealer, and I hog the (whole) bed. Yet he wants to sleep with me--I just can't figure out why! For my part, he always has the TV on, which I can't stand. I have to wear earplugs and a facemask to deal with it. Sexy, no?

My aunt and uncle sleep separate. She's a light sleeper and a kicker and he goes to bed at like, 3am.

Going to bed with my SO is my favorite part of the day. We cuddle, watch bad sci-fi, and wind down the day. I'm always cold, and he's a furnace, so that works out well also. It's very comforting just to know he is there. However, I apparently snore more often than he does, occasionally (allegedly) whack him in the face while I'm rotating, and I'm the one that hits the snooze alarm 5 times in the morning, so maybe sometimes he would think differently. :)

I think it's on a couple-by-couple basis, but I like the thought of having separate bedrooms, and maybe a common Master Bed for "together time" :-)

For those who cite differing sleep temperatures or cover hogging as a reason to sleep apart, might I suggest separate duvets? Works like a charm for my husband (hot sleeper) and I (cover hogger).

The mother sleeping next to her very young child, who wakes frequently, is another popular reason why couples sleep apart. The father doesn't want to be kicked or woken up.

My husband and I sleep in the same room even with his sleep apnea and CPAP machine! Most of the other reasons we seem to be compatible with each other on. Neither of us really move; he's the Human Torch while I'm the Ice Queen; neither of us mind the dogs or the cat sleeping with us (however all of the animals sleep on my side so I'm extra toasty most nights LOL); and we usually are smashed together all night anyway and roll away from each other when needed. But I could definitely understand sleeping in different beds if we weren't so compatible!

I sleep much better with my husband than alone. In fact, when he is off on a business trip, the kids move in for the duration. Sometimes my mother in law does too, and she finds it very strange, but we all sleep better that way.

Our kids share a room, even though they are 8 and 5 and different genders; they sleep better together. The 8 year old is a night owl, and has a hard time falling asleep. But with her brother in the next bed sleeping away, she drops off much faster; as for the 5 year old, he occasionally wakes during the night, but hearing the comforting sound of his sister's regular breathing puts him right back to sleep again.

Oops! NO, my mother in law doesn't join us in our king size bed -- she sleeps in the guest room -- but finds it strange that the kids sleep with me when their dad is away.

If you're sleeping separately because of snoring, the snorer should consult a doctor. He/she might have sleep apnea, which can be serious or even fatal. It can lead to serious heart problems, among other dangers.

When my dad was finally diagnosed and treated for his sleep apnea, it saved his life.

We've made it work, but in a past life, I've threatened separate bedrooms and snoring was totally the culprit. I'm too light of a sleeper for that!

What works really well for us (this one doesn't snore): separate BLANKETS! He is a human furnace and I need the air icy cold, preferably with a fan blowing right at me. We started out with separate blankets during a camping trip and the habit kinda stuck. Believe it or not, it goes a loooooong way.

My husband and I have separate bedrooms. I wish we didn't have to. I would so much rather share a bed, but I have pretty severe myalgic encephalomyelitis and I need absolute dark quiet stillness and six different medications to get a good night's sleep. The upside of it is that I have a separate bedroom to decorate, and after a lifetime of primary and neutral bedrooms I feel no guilt about my room being green and pink.

We sleep in seprate roooms most nights. Different habits. I go to bed at 9:00 and wake up early. He goes to bed at 12-1, sleeps late. He tosses, turns, mumbles, makes noises. I have a bad back and need to brace myself with pillows to get comfortable. Works for us after 21 years together I would not have it any other way.

@MSChatelaine...Hilarious ambiguity!

My husband and I attempted to sleep in separate beds. I was pregnant and if he even breathed to deeply in bed, I was throwing up. It was bad I was all sweaty and hot. He was cold.
So we got rid of our old queen that needed to go anyways and got two twins. It didnt work. I had slept perfectly fine without him for my whole life. Now I can't sleep without him. There is something about rolling over and feeling him there. I find it comforting. I kept rolling over and feeling nothing. It would freak me out and I would wake up. My husband didnt sleep for the whole 5days we had the twin beds. He had been coddled by his mom when he was younger. He would fall asleep every night in her arms to her breathing until he was 12. Now he can not sleep without hearing me breath. So we dipped into savings and put the twins in the garage. We got a memory foam. I cant feel him move in his sleep anymore. Its really hot to sleep on so my husband went out and got me a really nice fan. It has like 30 different settings and timers. So I just sleep with a fan on. Oh and buying the twin beds still worked out in the end. We didnt need to go buy our son a toddler bed. We just took a twin and added a bed rail. Then we turned one into a day bed for the office/ spare room. We had no idea when our son was born that Grandma's would start sleeping over. So it all worked out in a really weird way. We also got a really great deal on the memory foam mattress.

Some of those celeb couples ain't married no more (Tom & Katie). Is that Kardashian still married to that guy?

I don't know any long married couple that always sleeps together. Everyone over 50 has sleep issues and roams around the house sleeping on sofas, in spare rooms, etc.

My parents (Dad 6'2", Mom 5'8") slept together in their *double* (not queen) bed. I own it now, live alone and can't imagine how they did it night after night! I barely have enough room myself!

+1000 to Polly's suggestion about getting tested for sleep apnea. It runs in my family, and my father had his first heart attack at 58 due to undiagnosed sleep apnea. untreated, it DOUBLES the risk of stroke & heart attack.

I have been on treatment for over 2 years, and it's amazing what a difference it makes!

http://www.sleepapnea.org/

If I didn't sleep next to my husband, who would calm me down in the middle of the night when I start worrying, "Oh my gosh, what if I get into an accident and go into a coma? Who will take care of the baby while my husband is at work? Will hubby pull the plug if I don't wake up? I want him to move on, but what if I wake up eventually?"

That's usually when I wake up the hubs, he tells me I'm being crazy, and I fall back asleep and sleep like a log the rest of the night.

I would get major surgery to get rid of my snoring (if I had any) or I'd readily buy ear plugs for my wife before I'd ever consider separate bedrooms.

I know a married couple who not only sleep in separate rooms but almost never have dinner together or do anything together.To me, why be married at all if you're not together?

Granted this is the perspective of a 29 year old who loves his wife: mind, body and soul so I'm a bit prejudiced. I know others don't have it as good as we do so I can't judge.

I guess my situation is different because my partner and I are actually divorced, so we had the "living together" episode, the "married" episode, the "separated" episode, the "divorced" episode, and the "reconciled platonic partners" episode... We consider ourselves life partners, but we have twin master bedrooms with our own 3/4 baths.

He stays up until 2 am messing about on his laptop in bed. I have to try to get to sleep around 11 in order to function at work the next day. I suspect we both snore on occasion. We have different thermal settings. He watches TV in bed, I can't stand it.

His parents (both now deceased) slept separately for the latter halves of their lives. My parent's (also both deceased) slept together -- but within a week of Mom's death, Dad announced he planned to find another woman to live with, he didn't like living alone! He had a succession of several lady friends, one of whom survived him and joined my brother and me at the funeral as family.

Sleeping together is not mandatory for a good, healthy relationship. There are lots of kinds of partnering, and everyone has their own style which is whatever works for them.

My husband and I sleep in the same room, but if we had the space, I would love to have my own bedroom, mostly because of his snoring, but also because I am a night owl, and would love to have my own space to loll about in bed, reading books,etc. I wear ear plugs at night to drown out his noise, and fortunately, me reading with a light on doesn't bother him. I would definitely miss the intimacy of sharing a bed- the spontaneity for snuggles, so I am not sure if I would ever actually do it (if we had a spare room that is).

It isn't my or anyone else's place to judge what works well in other people's relationships.

For me, though, this would be the first step toward certain divorce. If I'm not gettin' it regular and able to cuddle up against my partner in the night whenever I need to, then it isn't the relationship for me.

My husband works 24 hour shifts and has to get up super early, and he sleeps in the guest bedroom the night before so that he won't wake me. It works okay, but I find it harder to sleep when he's not there.

My husband and I have talked about it, and we both agree we'd miss each other too much! We do have a guest bed and a super comfy couch, so if one of us is sick or if the snoring (okay, MY snoring...) gets too loud we can always separate for a night or two.

I think: whatever works for your relationship is the best. If I hear about snoring, bad bed-habits and stuff, I say: split up and create separate bedrooms if it bothers you that much.
On the onther hand, despite the snoring and the bouncing in to eachother during the night, I wouldn't wanna miss sleeping with my love... For me the physical contact / sexual stuff is so important, I NEED to be together during the night.
I don't know it's because of my character or because of us not spending so much time together during the days... I'm glad he thinks the same way about this stuff.
In our group of friends we have a couple that sleeps separately, and they actually enjoy the fact that it's not a 'given thing' to be together during nights, and hey, I get that. But it's not for us.

I have no idea what to do -- I've been in a relationship for 5 months now and I keep trying to find excuses for my boyfriend and I not to sleep in the same bed, because I sleep terribly when we are together. He is a human furnace and his favorite way to sleep is with his arms and legs entwined around me like an ivy plant, and I just cannot sleep like that. I need space! So I end up rolling away and then sleeping on one side the whole night. Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do?

To each their own I say but for me I have to echo the comments about separate covers. I will never share a blanket with my husband for the rest of our lives and it has probably saved our marriage. j/k- Really the bed may be harder to make but it is well worth it. Also we just have a king so there is massive amounts of space for me to deal with my tossing and turning without bothering my husband and I don't have to leave the room. But I would not begrudge someone to do whatever they had to do in order to get a good nights sleep.

My best friend and I have shared living arrangements since our studio apartments in college. At that time, there was room for only 1 big bed and both of us were over sleeping in twins a la the dorms. We are both the oldest of many siblings (her 7, me 4), and had grown up with sisters in our beds often, so it wasn't weird to share the bed, and we found that we both much preferred it and slept better. We've continued to share a bed ever since.

I'm currently single and recently purchased a house built in 1966 and custom-designed with separate his and hers bedrooms, bathrooms and workspaces. The his and hers bedrooms both have sliding glass doors to an open-air courtyard but are otherwise very separate. I haven't put the arrangement to the test yet, but find the idea very civilized.

Both my parents snore and drive each other crazy.... however they both can't sleep right whenever one of them is not home... just using diferents blankets can be a touchy subject

Husband and I don't sleep in separate rooms - but it would make sense if we did. He's early to bed, early to rise. Like, well before 6. I'm a night owl for whom getting up before 8 is unheard of. Lucky for him, he tolerates the light on while I read into the wee hours. And lucky for me, I'm a sound sleeper who never hears him getting up.

My husband's snoring is so loud and awful and erratic that his Best Man made it the subject of his wedding toast. He had surgery to correct his snoring and it didn't take. Next will be a sleep apnea test. Right now he's allowed to sleep in the bed until he wakes me up twice (sometimes I can sleep through it, but I'm a light sleeper), but then he's got to go to the spare room, because I have a job I have to get up for every morning (he works from home). To the people here posting "well, to each their own, but I love my partner too much to ever sleep in another room!" I say to you, I love my husband more than anything in the world, I deeply value our intimacy, and we are very touchy and affectionate. But at 3:45am, if you had my partner, you would kick him out too!

I definitely believe in to each their own, but to some extent if I am being honest, I find some of the excuses weak. Sleeping next to someone is extremely intimate, and if you both work or are apart all day, especially if you have kids, that is the only alone time you have.

My husband snores. We got those snoring nose strips and it fixed it. If it didnt he was prepared to go to the doctor about it. He is a human furnace, so I have a seperate blanket and it keeps his body heat off me. I started sprawling and so we saved for a bigger mattress. I hope everyone at least tries to fix issues before jumping to other bedrooms. With the divorce rate at half of all marriages, I feel like many of those couples probably stopped sleeping in the same bed or room before divorcing and make up a part of that one in four couples.

Lol. Yes. There was a NY Times articles about it maybe 7 years ago. It's actually a lot more common than people report for fear of looking like they don't have a good marriage. The number you quoted is probably low- if you believe the NY Times.
I snore, he snores, the dog snores. He moves, I move, the dog moves. It's hot.
We'd probably do ok with twin beds in the same room, but don't have the set up. We recently bought a natural rubber mattress that doesn't shake when someone moves, so we do sleep together more since that purchase (BUT NOT in this heat). We're wildly in love and totally secure, so I don't mind admitting that we don't always share the same bedroom.
So funny to think how often Americans lie about what goes on in the bedroom. Even our sleeping arrangements need to keep up with the Joneses.

It's amazing how many people on here ARE judging the couples that sleep separate..."you're on your way to divorce". How insecure. No wonder people are afraid to admit it. Get over it. I'm more worried about your marriage than anyone else's. You're clingy, insecure, mean, and your idea of marriage formed when you were in high school and hasn't matured since.
As far as intimacy...nothing nicer than a good nights sleep and then running into my husband's bedroom for a 6 am snuggle.

My husband has sleep apnea and uses a CPAP machine and a mask that goes over his nose and mouth. He is a mouth breather and when the machine is working well it's pretty nice to sleep to, almost white noise. When it isn't fitting correctly or gets moved during the night, as it often does, it can make awful noises that keep me awake, while he sleeps through it all. We also have big temperature differences, while he tosses the covers completely off, (generally over me) I need them piled up around my head in order to sleep. I would love to sleep in another room. He disagrees, so I often try to put up with it, if it gets bad I go off to a spare room, during the night, to sleep in the twin bed. It's never as comfortable as the original King bed and leaves me disgruntled and tired. It is certainly a bone of contention and a problem that could easily be resolved by setting up that extra bedroom so I could be comfortable.

My husband and I often sleep separately due to snoring. We both do so very loudly thanks to broken noses as kids and chronic sleep apnea. At first it really bothered me. Now I realize that even though I can still fall asleep to his lumber jacking he can't to mine. And then he's terribly cranky the next day. Better to sleep apart than fight when we're awake.

We share a bed but hubby doesn't sleep in it half the time...he has trouble falling asleep and usually passes out on the living room floor in front of the TV.

We have separate covers since very early in the relationship since I hog the duvet, and we both like to "hug" the duvet. When my husband is alone in the bed he usually hugs one duvet and is covered by the other. We also turn away from each other when we start to sleep, both of us do it. It kind of gives you your own space. We are now co-sleeping with our daughter, which is wonderful in a way, but she is due for her own bed (that will be next to our s at first, she doesn't want to go sleep alone).
At one point my husband and I were arguing, because I wanted to keep the window open for fresh air and he got a sore throat from it. I couldn't understand it and I was worried we would end up in different rooms eventually. But then we found out our apartment had a mold problem and when we moved out he no longer got the sore throat and we have been able to keep the window open. Also the air quality is much better here as is... In the old place the air got so thick and bad during the night, I was literally gasping for air in the morning.
I really prefer to sleep in his company (but still with enough space to turn and freely), whenever the other one is away we never sleep so well, though now I always have DD there and it's not always so comfortable but it is cuddly:)

It used to bother me that my husband often slept apart from me, then I realized that, with my sleep issues, it's better that he's not there. I tend to resent him because his head hits the pillow and he's out while I am awake for hours, plus he goes to bed much later than I do. We are as intimate as we always were, tending towards the afternoon, rather than nighttime romps. We generally sleep apart when the weather is really hot and back together when it's colder.

As an orthodox Jew we keep the twin beds separate about 2 weeks out of every month during the monthly cycle as per Jewish custom. And while I enjoy a good cuddle as much as the next guy not fighting over blankets or bed space leads to a much more restive sleep and peaceful environment.
I am not sure about separate rooms, it seems odd to me, but my dad suffers from sleep apnea would snore very loudly and you could hear it even with the doors closed, so for couples dealing with such sleep issues that might be the best way to a good nights sleep.

I would love to sleep in seperate beds or bedrooms from my partner. I suggested this last year and he almost cried. My insomnia is so bad I'll sleep when my partner gets up for work. I have started to drop hints lately because:

* his toenails feel like knives
* his side of the room is messy
* he's like a furnace, I am cooler
* hence he sweats horribly in summer
* he hugs the doona (like a security blanket)
* he has nightmares, I can't go back to sleep
* he's like a sumo wrestler and I'm stuck for air!

My partner is interstate for three nights and I've never slept so well since we moved in together. Back to bad sleeping tomorrow :(

I noticed that most couples who do sleep in separate bedrooms do it because someone is snoring or has sleeping issues...but mostly snoring. Like my dad. His snores literally make our entire house vibrate. My parents tried sleeping separately once because my mom got really tired of it, but she moved back into their bedroom. She says not hearing his snores kept her awake more than his snores ever did. The funny thing is, she's a light sleeper and any noises except (apparently) my dad's snore would wake her.

It's nice to see so many people forging their own sleeping arrangements despite the often repeated social norm that sleeping in the same bed as your partner is necessary for intimacy. Screw that. And if you are so invested in social norms that you can't even imagine that someone else could be happy and fulfilled without following norms, I feel sorry for you.

Married 13 years and can't sleep without him. BUT my closet is in a separate bedroom so that when our work schedules do not match (I am occasionally up at 3am to catch a flight, he has summers off etc) we are not disturbing each other while rooting through the closet or dresser getting ready.

separate bedrooms here. and separate houses. in separate time zones.
it's the worst.

My father has apnea and has been sleeping with a CPAP for almost 18 years, and has always slept in the same room/bed with my mother [despite her insomnia and her habit to go to sleep at 3AM lol]. They found a way to sleep comfortably with each other, in fact my mother can't fall sleep without the CPAP sound, and I used to feel weird if he was missing while traveling because I couldn't hear the CPAP either!
As for me with my boyfriend, he's a cuddler and loves to sleep with me, despite my invasive blanket and bed hogging and kicking and drooling all night long! I think I'd appreciate a whole bed for myself in certain situations [menstrual cramps, flu, gastroenteritis,...] but he does always wants to sleep with me, despite how stroppy, smelly and aching I am :) and I love that [it also makes me feel bad sometimes, but I enjoy sharing my bed]

I'd put money on it being more than 1 in 4...

Please, people, if you snore, get yourself checked out for nose/sinus conditions that can be corrected, and/or sleep disorders. Consider that it might also be your diet or weight, contributing to system-wide inflammation/allergy/intolerance and prioritize your wellbeing. End PSA

I am not sure if this counts, but we actually share a bedroom, but are rarely in it at the same time.

He works overnights 4 nights a week, and is just getting home when I am getting up to leave for my office job. We have a two hour overlap where we are both awake at the same time between when I arrive home and before he leaves for work. Then while he's at work I go to sleep. Then the 3 nights he is off and home, we have to re-adjust.

i couldn't imagine sleeping without my partner - while he snores & i am a light sleeper (i often wake up for an hour or two in the middle of the night) i so much prefer knowing he's there next to me; i don't consider it an insecurity at all. if he slept in another room, i'd be lonely for him. i think people should do what works best for them; this works best for us.

I totally agree that you have to do what's right in your relationship. I wish our society didn't put so much emphasis on sleeping in the same room. It doesn't work for everyone and it doesn't mean you don't have a strong, healthy relationship. I think sleeping apart strengthened my relationship because I wasn't crabby and dog-tired during the day due to my husband's jack hammer snoring. Plus, those "visits" seemed more like the old days when we were dating.

We sleep in the same bed, in one room. But I know our neighbors have their own rooms & I know my grandparents on my dad's side did too.

After my husband and I had been together for a number of weeks, and albeit the high passion we have for each other, it became clear that we had two choices: sleeping in the same bed and being dead tired all the time, or finding another sleeping arrangement. He is 6ft6, snores loudly and is in the habit, while asleep, of wrapping himself cocoon-like in all of the bed sheets (including the duvet). He also likes creative clutter, whereas I am very neat and like to keep it that way. So when we decided to move in together, we saw potential in renovating the basement which was not used to its full potential, and we built this kind of open space hotel suite, with our two beds separated only by our closet and added our own bathroom (we have 3 kids between the both of us). Result: we make a point of spending time together in each other's bed almost every night, but we sleep soundly and are not constantly bickering about sleeping habits or neatness. And its fun to "visit" our better half's space !

My husband generally has bad allergies in the spring and autumn then in the winter, ususally in January, he gets a cold. During those times I've moved to the sofa but not this year because we now have a guest room. As he ages his snoring has a bit more impact. I can see us choosing to sleep in separate rooms and beds. But that won't change our other habits such as always having dinner together, having a date night every Wednesday, and a Sunday brunch where we solve the problems of the world for a couple of hours.

I really don't see what difference it would make because right now he goes to bed 2 hours before me and gets up an hour later. Yet when he goes to bed, I still come in and cuddle with him for a few minutes. I doubt whether sleeping arrangements really make that much difference with the exception of a 3rd party sharing the bed of one or the other.

My husband and I have slept in separate beds for the last 17 years. He has a medical condition which requires that he sleep at a 30 degree angle. I need to sleep flat. In 1995 we purchased two extra long twin Electropedic beds with latex mattresses, which we have fastened together. We'd been fighting about the firmness of our mattress for the first 15 years of our marriage anyway. He likes a softer mattress, I prefer a firmer one. He also has restless leg syndrome and would wake me up by kicking me. I have slept much better since we came to this arrangement and it has not disrupted our communication--or our sex life.

I like sleeping alone sometimes - it's nice when I travel for business and get a king bed to myself. Not sure if I'd want it to be a permanent thing, though, because I like chatting/snuggling with him before bed.

My husband says he sleeps better when I'm there. (I'm surprised because I stay up late watching tv, playing with the cats, using my laptop, etc. I even nudge him when he snores if I can't hear the tv. Some wife I am...)

Finding the responses to this really interesting. I'm a few days away from moving in with a boyfriend for the first time and one thing I was certain of was that I would not get rid of my double bed, choosing to move it into the spare bedroom instead. The Boy usually stays over 2 nights a week at my place and, occasionally, if one person isn't feeling well or is too uncomfortable/sleepless (usually me on both fronts) I'll get up and move to the futon in the spare room or to the couch in the living room. Usually I'll come back at some point during the night but the freedom to get up and move if I have to is pretty great. I mentioned the other day that I was worried I'd lose that freedom if we moved in together but he assured me it was okay with him to take the occasional break. Frankly, it's a little weird to me that couples are supposed to spend every night of their lives 2 inches from each other. 9 times out of 10 I adore the novelty and sweetness of being beside him but occasionally, having that space is fantastic.

My husband and I started sleeping in separate bedrooms 16 years ago (we've been married 21 years). In the beginning, I felt as if it had to be a big secret - I didn't know anyone else who did the same and I guess I thought they would think we had a bad marriage. And even I worried that maybe we did if we wanted to sleep separately.

Reading all of these comments has been a revelation to me - I never dreamed separate bedrooms were as common as they are!

I love having my own bedroom and bathroom. I snore (so he says) so I don't have to worry about disturbing him. I can read as late as I like, he doesn't disturb me when he gets up to go to work.

We both feel as if this arrangement has helped our relationship, not hurt it.
Oh, and we still have regular "date nights" in my room.

Sooo.. romantic to have separate quarters. In days of old, the men still had to court their women, even after marrying. They would hope to woo their lady to invite them into their room that evening; even after marriage.

Not to mention the plus of the one's own space. I think people sleeping apart probably have longer marriages. Not to mention, respect.

For all you snorers out there, tosses and turners... Do yourself a favor: Get yourself to sleep lab and find out if you have sleep apnea. It's more common than you think and even very mild forms can have a profound effect on your health- shortening your lifespan, causing illness, raises your bp; it even can effect your driving skills and your relationships.

My husband and I are both blanket-hogs and sheet-hogs. So, for our queen sized bed, I have bought identical copies of sheets and blankets.... we sleep on the same bed but have our own sheets! We have a large quilt to throw over our separate piles of bedding if we think a guest will see it.

Like a lot of people who have commented - I would LOVE separate beds or even rooms occasionally but my partner would get into a heck of a mood if I attempted it! Once when I was too hot (he runs like 5 million degrees hotter than the normal person) I slept on the lounge & boy was he cranky the next day!

The fact is, sometimes I want to cuddle and sometimes I want to have a good nights sleep without being woken up by someone else's movements!

How nice to see such openness in this thread, apart from the comment who implied separate beds would lead to divorce and called those who chose to do so using "weak excuses." My partner and I sleep in 2 twin beds pushed together. And each cover with a separate blanket. He will occasionally sleep in the spare room if our schedules don't quite line up. I was thinking we might not be able to share a bed, but it turned out we just need a really big one! :)

Sweet dreams. :)

Like many other posters, my grandparents sleep in separate rooms; my grandmother snores. And I think I remember my grandmother's bed being softer and fluffier than my grandfather's. I'm pretty sure that having their own spaces is one of the factors that helps *keep* them together, actually.

At the moment, I'm sleeping in the guest room while my boyfriend maintains use of the master bedroom. We're trying to introduce my cat to our little family, which already includes his two cats. We have to keep them separate, so I've taken to sleeping with my cat locked up in the guest room, while his more active cats get the house for the night. Also, he gets the better part of the bargain by far because that bed is the queen-sized memory foam mattress while I have an inherited twin spring mattress (which I have to share with the cat); he has a west-facing room, and the guest room is east-facing.

It's nice to escape his snoring (he has allergies), and I imagine it would have been nice to escape his heat were it still hot here. But I do miss cuddling and, now that it's getting colder, leeching off his body heat! He works long hours, so most of our time spent together is while we're sleeping. I can't wait until all the cats get along well enough that I can go back to my real bedroom/bed.

So, the summary: I don't hold separate sleeping spaces against any couple; the reasons they have are valid and obviously it works for them! I, on the other hand, would like to regain my shared sleeping space once again. (Though who knows if we'll wind up in separate spaces again somewhere down the road? Maybe just occasionally? Wouldn't bother me.)

My husband and I sleep together in our queen bed and we both love the snuggling and physical closeness, but there is also space to roll to opposite sides of the bed if one of us is too hot or whatever. I'm at the end of my pregnancy and my sleep schedule is all out of whack, so on nights when I can't sleep I will hang out quietly in the living room until I feel sleepy, and then join him back in bed.

My Father in law sleeps every night in a reclining chair in the living room due to hip problems - the bed is too uncomfortable for him.

I also have close friends with two separate beds in the same bedroom. She has arthritis all through her body, so is very fragile and often uncomfortable or in pain, so she needs the separate space. They also have very different sleep schedules as he goes to bed early and wakes up early, while she is a night owl and does most of her sleeping in the day.

"I always thought of our arrangement as terribly mature of us. Now I wish I could have back every one of those nights we slept in separate beds."

I clicked on the article link and this quote by the late Farah Fawcett's husband makes me :(

The man and I sleep in separate rooms due to his BiPAP machine for sleep apnea and oxygen concentrator for COPD. But we've been together for 34+ years now, so I guess our relationship will survive. We both have cats sleeping with us, and they're MUCH harder to sleep with than people!