Ugh. Please don't bring knick knacks or other permanent items as host/hostess gifts unless you are 100% sure it is something your host wants. The wood flowers that you think are cute are another person's tacky dust collector that they feel obligated to keep & set out when you visit. The granola and the cookies are cute ideas though. Edibles, flowers, and other small non-permanent items are good.

Personally, I hate getting host gifts. It's a tradition that needs to die imo.

Have to agree with elankat. I think wine is the easiest and usually most appreciated (at least among my circle of friends) hostess gift.

I'm with elankat. If you must impose your taste on your host, please at least make it something that goes away naturally in time. How I would hate to get those wooden flowers or horses! Even the spice kit could be a big imposition on someone with limited kitchen space. If they don't cook much, they'll never use the spices; if they do cook, they may well have spice sources they prefer.

I agree with elankat too. Wine is a wonderful option, but I always always bring a simple bouquet of bright flowers.

Also forgot to mention, the wine is almost always enjoyed that night as well :D

Agreeing with the consensus here. Even for food gifts, be thoughtful. I just invited a friend for Thanksgiving, and even though she knows we don't eat desserts and she doesn't really either (in fact, we proceeded to have a long discussion about this), she is insisting on bringing pies - largely because it's what her family does. It's a very nice gesture, but I guarantee they will not be finished and will be tossed.

I could not agree more with both comments above! No knicknacks for me, thank you!

Please, please nobody bring me a Dala horse. Dala is an area in Sweden where these pieces of kitsch were traditionally hand made. Now they are mass-produced in factories in China. The word "happy" was added for the English-speaking market and has never been associated with these awful things before.

- But I have to say I love bringing host/hostess gifts! It's fun to pick out a nice bottle of wine, or for non-alcohol drinkers, a selection of fine Italian sodas. Sometimes I bring some good gourmet salt or some lovely artisan chocolates. There are endless gourmet items these days that people appreciate getting and would rarely buy for themselves. Just get one nice consumable, don't go crazy with it, and a nice card.

Flowers are a good idea, but please either alert the host that is what you are bringing (I guess this is dependent on how close you are to the host) or bring flowers already in a vase.

It's a little awkward for the host and giftgivers when they arrive and the host has to figure out where to put a bouquet of flowers. I know I only keep enough vases for the amount of flowers I typically have, and when guests are coming I use all of them throughout the apartment. If you come with flowers, you have to let me know so I can keep a vase empty or you need to bring one.

Pi is right. Bringing flowers and expecting the hostess to drop everything to prep and house them is a total imposition. Wine, please.

We always choose something that is edible or drinkable. Keep it simple, nothing that has to be prepared, and if it's not to be eaten during the visit, a high quality jar of jam or mustard, or a bottle of wine that your host can enjoy later is always nice, too.

Just to be exact, as a Swede, Dala is short for the provincial area of Dalarna in Sweden. Beyond that, I'm with the "bring flowers and wine" group. And if you bring flowers, it's always nice to bring them arranged in some fashion. It's a pain to have to seek out a vase and think about cutting stems while you're trying to play host to the masses.

OK, clearly most of you didn't get that this post is about unique gifts... you don't have to buy exactly what is above but it's meant to inspire you to think OUTSIDE the box of typical gifts like wine... none of you are suggesting anything creative or inspiring.

I'm not particularly a fan of every item listed... but at least I would be able to appreciate someone going above and beyond to bring me something creative and original. And I don't think you have to keep those wooden flowers and set them out everytime that person comes back over... that's a little absurd I would never expect that. I'm glad I'm not spending my holiday's with such ungrateful people!

No way would I give someone a "unique" gift; they aren't going to want it (at least my friends and family), and I would feel ridiculous second guessing someone's taste in knickknacks. I agree with the "give them wine/food/flowers" crowd; those things disappear fast. I'd keep the food gifts in the realm of something that will be consumed quickly; not everyone wants some exotic sauce or mustard, but cookies and candy are pretty much home runs in nearly every household.

Everyone should be comfortable with giving and receiving the gift.

I have a friend who would love the Dala horse, but I would never get it for her because it goes against any standard I have for giving gifts related to other countries. If I'm going to give you something authentic or traditional or with some kind of history, to give someone a tourist trap-like knickknack is like buying Belgian chocolates at the airport instead of the chocolate shop in Brussels.

That's my standard for gifts related to other countries or traditions.

Regarding homemade fortune cookies. People, just because they're given out in every single Chinese restaurant in the entire US doesn't mean they're authentic. They aren't Chinese in origin, and even though we've accepted them as part of culture, please don't think they are authentic in any way. Think twice before giving them to a Chinese person if you think you're making some kind of gesture at authenticity.

Okay, I'm going to amend my statement above: I have nothing against the Dala horse. What I meant to imply, and probably did no ineptly, was that if you want to get something that is traditional to another country, do your best to be authentic.

You will most likely find cheap tourist-trap versions of the Dala horse everywhere in Sweden, and like Sussu said, they're most likely cheaply made in China.

There are two companies (that I know of) in Sweden that still handmake Dala horses. If you want to buy a Dala horse, please seek a reputable and authentic source. It might cost $50 to ship it from Sweden, but you wouldn't be feeding the cheap goods machine and you'd be helping (in a small way) to preserve a traditional skill.

Wow. Lots of ungrateful people here!
A unique gift could work well for someone you know who might appreciate the personal touch. A gift is just that, a gift. You may do with it as you please. Don't like a cute horse? Give it to your niece. Poor baby doesn't eat much pie? I bet you have a neighbor who might like it.

I usually give wine, simply because it's easy. My friends have come to appreciate that I bring a varity they might now have picked on their own. You know your friends more than anyone, so do what feels right for you!

It really depends on the gifter and the giftee. While the horse and flowers are not items I would give most, they might be suitable for some. I like to bring things that are more personalized. A set of measuring cups, tea towel, and cookbook for the friend just setting up an appartment. A selection of good teas, tea ball, and nice tea cup for a tea lover, etc. It needs to be personalized.

@QueenofTheFall - I don't think it's a matter of being ungrateful. It's about being respectful and if you choose to give a gift, to do it well. Otherwise, it's kind of an insult because it seems that you haven't put in the kind of mental calisthenics to properly give a gift.

To use home body's example (and this is in no way an insult to home body's friend because I don't know either person)...you don't like pie and I don't like pie, so what does it say about you and what you think of me if you insist on giving me something for which neither of us have a use?

Wine or good liquor.

I for one am sick of being handed a bottle of wine at the door when my guests arrive--am I supposed to open it now? I have paired my wines with what I am serving. Am I supposed to put it in my wine cellar? It may not be good enough to use up that space and will be tossed.
Seriously folks--ungrateful does not begin to describe the attitude you have put forth here. Of course we should all give a gift we know will be appreciated by our hostess. Putting more than five minutes thought into it was the idea behind this post I think--and I will try harder to actually think of how my hostess/host would like to be thanked instead of plunking down a bottle of booze because its easy and I might get to share it with them.

p.s. the opening line is addressing those of us who don't want to give the "typical host/hostess" gift--its not suggesting there is anything wrong with the old fallbacks or the accepted norms within your own circles.

Pardon me if I'm wrong, or if you disagree, but seems that lately these message boards are getting loaded up with comments intent to just flame, trying to be heard, trying to be the most hip, or tasteful, or mindful, or whatever (the rally of votes and comm's on the Color Contest being one of the more recent ones).

There just seems to be such a spirit of snarking and meanness...Can't we all just get along? Or just let it slide?

I love those flowers and just bought them for myself! thanks for the link. also, if i need to store another bottle of wine I will scream!! there is wine open and everyone brings wine and most people don't drink a whole bottle themselves. no more wine!

I am always thrilled if someone brings me a gift. I keep if forever and it always makes me think of the person and the time we had together.

@mntwmyn - I love those suggestions for alternative gifts. Since I don't drink alcohol and have no understanding of what makes a good bottle, I steer away from giving wine.

Even when people have brought wine as a hostess gift I happily accept as I appreciate the thought. I have other friends and coworkers who are happy to drink it for me.

I would be really touched if someone had planned ahead and bought me something off of Etsy that they thought I'd love, even if I didn't! Anyone can pick up a bottle of wine at the grocery store and that's perfectly fine as a hostess gift, but I think it's very sweet to try to do something different/thoughtful. It's the thought that counts, right? For a holiday celebrating gratitude?

The homemade fortune cookies could be a lot of fun, especially if you put a lot of thought into composing the fortunes -- lots of chances to celebrate your crowd's "in" jokes.

Dear Swede, jag vet det men trodde at det skulle vara enklare för Amerikaner med bara "Dala". My grandma had those horses, she'd been given them by someone and she even hated them.

I am sorry but I have to disagree on "it's the thought that counts". I have a friend who very carefully picks out things as gifts for me that to me are useless kitch, and it's terrible. I've taken to just getting rid of all of her gifts as soon as they arrive in the mail, and it's a terrible waste. But I'll never wear a necklace made of wire and an old keyhole and some plastic beads. (She knows I have a nickel allergy, and even if I liked the awful necklace I could not wear it.) I don't like velour rice bag frogs, no matter how handmade they are. I'd rather she didn't give me anything than be sent this crap.

Agree on the homemade fortune cookies, or any homemade food item. Another friend always brings her homemade mustard, and it is delicious! And I don't have to wear it!

Sussu, Jag Förstar, tack! I actually inherited a bunch too and I'm really pondering the fate of the herd these days!

Sell them on Etsy for people to give as hostess gifts! :D

"OK, clearly most of you didn't get that this post is about unique gifts... you don't have to buy exactly what is above but it's meant to inspire you to think OUTSIDE the box of typical gifts like wine... none of you are suggesting anything creative or inspiring."

Clearly, you didn't get the point that lots of people don't want more clutter brought into their home just because someone wants to be "unique."

And at some who made the comment, exactly how is it "ungrateful" to prefer that people leave the ridiculous presents at home and just let the gift be the pleasure of each other's company? A gift should be given because you want to make someone happy and it should be done with thought for the person's preferences.

I prefer to celebrate time with friends and family, not material gifts.

One word:
Chocolate.

Ok. How about anyone who would rather not receive anything than risk the chance of getting a gift that offends their delicate sensibilities, add "please, no gifts." to the RSVP.
Anyone else who might be interested in what their friend's come up with, carry on.

Ungrateful - unappreciative; not displaying gratitude; not giving due return or recompense for benefits conferred: ungrateful heirs.

Appreciation - gratitude; thankful recognition

This is for those of you who don't know what the meaing of the word ungrateful means and clearly don't know how to show appreciation. I'm so glad that I have friends who will appreciate what I bring as a hostess gift instead of being ungrateful snobs! Get a grip, there are worse things in life than receiving a gift that you don't like. Accept the gift graciously and move on. Must I also add the definition of "Manners"??

lillielechic, thank you for that well-mannered and gracious lecture. Of course we all accept the stupid gifts graciously and then bitch about it behind the gift-givers' backs, what do you think the internet is for? I'm sure your friends do just the same.

Sorry, that was mean. But expecting gratitude is controlling and beside the point. When you give a gift, you get to just give it. You don't get to control how the other person feels about it, or whether they secretly put it in the trash or regift it, or sell it, or whatever. The idea of gift giving is "giving", not "the other person's gratitude".

I love it when people are actually thoughtful, and give gifts that are not about them, and not about giving gifts.

I first make sure in thanking guests for whatever hostess gift they may bring that no one feels foolish or unappreciated. For example, when guests who don't know me well bring wine, of course I thank them as usual. (My drug of choice is chocolate.)

If I can't use a hostess gift then or later, then I release it to someone who will. I offer the wine bottles to friends and family who do enjoy it. I often donate other gifts to an annual charity bazaar.

Those who know me well know that I feel no moral obligation to keep and display gifts from any one for long. Guests just visiting and having fun here is the best hostess gift for me. This way, no one feels bad--not my guests, and not me.

Wow. I don't even know what to say.
Yes, I do: I have never felt more lucky to have the singular, joyful, creative, loving friends I do. Thanks to them, this thread will forever remain beyond my comprehension.
p.s. One of my most treasured possessions is a cracked, hand-carved Dala horse that the paint has been loved almost completely off of. I could care care less what anyone thinks of it. Tack.

and . . . @lillielechic
I bet your friends don't bitch about you behind your back, cuz I bet you wouldn't pick friends like these. Viscous.

Exactly KateGee! You hit the nail on the head with that statement!

Big snob here. Unless you know I love something and need it, don't bring it to my house. Bring your laughter and appetite, that's the best hostess gift to me.

I love the idea of hostess gifts... especially something home-made and yummy.... thoughtful and a sweet gesture.

NewHavenZ, sell them to me! I'm jealous, I just discovered them and was wondering where one might actually find a non-made in China one. I don't need a herd, but I think the pictured one is adorable.

Also, I love to bring something homemade and edible as a hostess gift. If somebody brings me something edible or drinkable, there are good odds it will get eaten/drunk at the party. Which is awesome.

And I feel no obligation to display every knick-knack I've ever been given. You gave them to me, that makes them MINE to do as I please with. Sometimes they are awesome, sometimes they get put out once or twice and then they move on.

It's a nice gesture and shouldn't be such a point of stress. Same with flowers. I know your parties may be fancier than mine and more planned out, but nobody is setting your hair on fire. Say thank you and get over it.

I find that viscous friends are much better than outright liquid ones. They stay upright more easily.

That said, I think next time when I need to bring a hostess gift I'll bake some of those fortune cookies and put fortunes in them that say stuff like "Hostess gift or Regretsy moment? You decide."

@lillelichic...if you added the definition of manners, then you might have to follow it.

Wine, or some unusual food for those who would appreciate it. I always try and head for consumables these days but I would never really think of flowers, only food or wine. Guess that sums up my friends :-)

@Sussu. Yup, I made a funny typo (although, good luck getting a viscous friend to stay upright; really I think they'd just be harder to clean off the couch). You obviously embrace every opportunity to mock and criticize with joyful abandon. If that's your way of celebrating life, vive la mesquin!

KateGee, I see that you, to the contrary, are a delightfully positive person who would never spend their time criticizing others. I think you should give yourself a medal!

@Sussu The thing is, I meant that last post. I thought the typo was funny. If you take joy in stuff like that I'm not going to stomp on the fun. And yeah, I do try my best to be positive person. I'm not looking for a medal, nor am I going to apologize for advocating for someone else who feels the same way.

I don't know what you are advocating for, actually, I am not asking for your apology. I don't like useless gifts and consider them wasteful and bad for the environment. I don't feel morally superior because of it, and I don't feel compelled to insist that my friends show g-r-a-t-i-t-u-d-e for my moral superiority. I also don't take my beliefs out on the givers of the useless gifts; I politely say thank you and then get rid of the gift in the most environmentally responsible way possible. I don't think this makes me a snob, or "viscous", or any of the other names you and lillielechich have called me. I don't like being called names. Do you?

Well, I did my best to clear the air, but that's obviously not in the cards. To clarify, I never called you a snob, nor did I call you vicious. There's a world of difference between saying "you're mean" and "that was mean." I'll be more articulate in the future. I'm still boggled by this thread, but to each his own, I'm not going to spend any more time bothering over it. Have a happy, Dalahäst-free holiday.

Thanks for not calling me names for not liking the same stuff you like. May your holiday be positively filled with Dalahästar and anything else that brings you joy.

Wow...did I stumble into the local junior high catty chat room?

I thought this post was lovely, and in that spirit, I hope everyone can keep belittling opinions to themselves.

I would like to suggest that rather than hostess/host gifts, ASK what your hostess/host would like for you to contribute to the occasion. If they say "nothing", say "are you sure I can't bring some wine or flowers or an extra dessert?" and if they still say no, DON'T BRING ANYTHING!

(Or, if you are by-god determined, bring them something personal and consumable like chocolate or luxury soap or something unrelated to the party.)

I have finicky decor tastes, and nobody on the planet can pick objects for me that is certain I will love. Never has happened, never will. I don't drink, so wine is useless. And when I plan a party, I HAVE all the food, drink, flowers, etc. under control. So extra is EXTRA. I will usually accept additional dessert, wine for my guests, or whatever, but it's not necessary, and I can see how people more controlling than even me might feel insulted by interference in their party planning skills.

The sincere OFFER to bring something is enough. Follow-through is optional.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I am having my first Thanksgiving with my boyfriend's family and hoped to get some nice ideas of how to get in their good graces. Instead you know what happened? YOU PEOPLE HAVE FREAKED ME OUT!!!!