This just came up for me recently, too. I'm a neat, organized person, so it wasn't that hard. I just made sure that the bathroom was clean (SO important!), the magazine stacks were tidied and that the candles were at-the-ready. It helps that my apartment's romantic anyway, but seeing it at night for the first time made a pretty fantastic impression. (It also hides the dirt if you're a little messy…)

... I've never actually had this come up. I was just a college kid with roommates, and so was he, up until my most recent relationship. That most recent relationship actually started when I moved in with the guy; he needed a roommate, and I needed a place to live, and THEN we got together.

I wouldn't worry about it, though. If someone hates you for your home not being perfect, you probably don't want to date them anyway.

I figure that if you're truly messy like I am, it's best to ween your new beau into your habits gradually rather than leave hints around the house the first time he/she visits.

As for mood setters, dim is always better. If you're wary about the romantic implication of lighting candles, you can always just turn on a couple of lamps or hit your dimmer switch. Fresh flowers also add life and a good smell to your home!

Now, guys won't necessarily want to purchase fancy candles or flowers to adorn their tabletops, but at least make sure your home is rid of any putrid smells. Throw out the trash (and not just whats in the trash can- all of it!), hide the moldy towels, vaccum, clean litter boxes, etc. Smell is the strongest sense tied to memory, and you don't want your potential girlfriend recalling the sweat smell rather than you.

I would say, as long as it's clean (I agree about the bathroom! Although many guys won't notice) and there aren't stacks of old newspapers or piles of broken furniture...

Most people want to date a normal human being. Well, most of the people I want to date do! If they are put off by your apartment looking lived in, then maybe that's for the best.

I think if your is nice/clean/cosy enough to make YOU happy, that's the best thing. If it looks like you live there, and you look like you're comfortable in it, that's attractive! That's the house version of the most trite piece of dating advice ever - love yourself first - but it's true! Make it nice for you first.

my husband and i once visited an old school friend of his
he lived in san fran and we lived on the peninsula
he had become an artsy filmmaker
while my husband worked in silicon valley
he was single
and when i entered the bathroom
i knew why
the seat was up
and dotted with dried urine
and pubic hair
this was his statement to the bourgeois
he is still not married
this was 15 years ago

it really is ok to clean your toilet

Your home should reflect exactly who you are - including your interests, faults and foibles - not those of your roommates, your landlord or your mother.

If you intentionally try to make your home into someplace that doesn't reflect you, that's as good as putting on airs and telling lies about yourself while dating. How else is someone going to know who you really are?

So if you're a slob and your place is a wreck, a visiting potential partner will either see that they've met their match, be able to see past that or realize that you're really not the person for them and not waste any more time with you.

If, however, you decide you want to be a grown-up and attract another person who has their life together - you might consider making attempts at keeping a clean house, putting fresh sheets on the bed at least weekly and investing in some grown-up furnishings...
...and if roommates, family, pets or others are "preventing" you from keeping a tidy home - then take responsibility and change your circumstances.

After living with my boyfriend for eight years, then breaking up, I got my own place, and was as girly as I wanted to be. My place really expressed who I was, and was enjoyed by whoever came to visit. Though I would try and keep it clean. Now I have the opposite problem... living with a guy again after three years of a place on my own.

I think that if you decorate to please yourself that should be good enough - provided you aren't filthy or a slob. I want to be surrounded by things I find aesthetically pleasing and meaningful to me everyday, not just when I'm having "company."

That said, best to remove from sight anything that might be misinterpreted or raise questions you don't want to answer with someone you're just getting to know. And your Monistat and tampon display in the bathroom should find a place at the back of a closet. *kidding*

After a long term relationship broke up, I re-painted every room in the apartment, and re-decorated around a couch we had picked out together but which my ex wasn't around to see delivered (it wasn't the picking out the couch together that caused the breakup--I SWEAR!!). I had put off a lot of projects while in the relationship, but with the extra time...well there were evening hours to get a lot of DIY stuff done (besides painting I installed a new kitchen floor, made a lighting fixture for the hallway, installed a lot of kitchen shelving and sewed drapes for the living room, removed some REALLY ugly molding from a door frame and painted and tiled this cool cabinet that had been sitting in a corner quietly waiting for a makeover for a couple of years). As I just wrote this, I realized how much actually got done when I started spending time in the apartment!!

I don't have a problem with my place its always very clean and for the most part Iam pretty happy with the way it looks. After a 7 year relationship and b/f moved out I made it my own.

The thing for me is to see their place I don't judge if I don't like their style but when its dirty especially the bathroom and kitchen I will probably not get involved.

I agree your home should express your style and comfort level. As a woman, I would not expect to go into a guy's home and see a designer showcase.

But cleanliness, or the lack of it, makes a strong first impression. A couple of socks on the floor or a few dust bunnies in corners probably won't matter. But things like weeks-old moldy food sitting out and a urine stained toilet and bathroom floor would make me think, "dealbreaker."

If you expect to bring company home, at the very least, make some effort to clean, even if it's the bare minimum.

An equal deal breaker would be an EXCESSIVELY feminine home. I was once introduced to a woman whose furniture was dainty pink velvet and who had all sorts of small, excessively feminine accessories. I can't imagine that a man would feel comfortable in a place like that.

I would also suspect that, if you're interested in anyone with a brain, do NOT organize your bookcase by book jacket color...

>I agree your home should express your style and comfort level. As a woman, I would not expect to go into a guy's home and see a designer showcase.

Honest question - what is with this stereotype?

I'm not offended, but hey, some of us do care about our homes. Actually what I always find amusing is when a gal expects my place to be a dump and when she finally sees it she ends up feeling incredibly intimidated.

When I think about it, as a guy you're damned if you do (have a nice place you've obviously put a lot of effort into) and, damned if you don't (and live in a ramshackle apartment).

This question made me giggle a little. In my natural element, I am quite a slob - nothing actually dirty (I try not to leave food to rot under the bed, and I sweep up the dust bunnies in the corners from time to time), just very very cluttered.

On one night at the very beginning of my relationship with my current partner, my place was even more messy than usual. I ended up running into my new love interest unexpectedly that night at a bar, and as it was closing, we both decided we wanted to keep talking and started to discuss whose place we should go to. Now, my apartment was only a few blocks from this bar, whereas theirs was across town. But my place was a MESS. Quandary. I decided, what the heck, and we went back to my place anyway, and stayed up most of the night - it's one of our favorite memories (although we both tell it differently!).

Moral of the story - today, my partner finds the memory of my very messy place endearing and it has become an integral part of the narrative of our relationship. (Granted, I try to keep our shared living space much tidier than my bachelorette pad.) Don't hide who you are - if you have found the right person, they will love you despite - or even because of your flaws.

I've never really... been too intimidated by such an idea. I've always furnished my place in a style that I love. If they dislike me because of my furnishings... well then, we just weren't compatible, were we?

I think that regardless of whether or not you're a messy person (I go through phases.... sheer chaos, and neat and tidy) that your abode should be clean and presentable for company. My mother always cleaned for company, regardless of what was going on in the house. I don't think this is dishonest, I think this is respectful.

If you're a messy person, starting a new relationship can be a great kick in the pants to clean up your act (hyuk!) If you move in together, then you can cross that bridge when you come to it. But for now, your significant other is a guest in your home, and my opinion is that we should make sure our haunts are clean and presentable. Doesn't have to be Danny Tanner clean, you can still have piles of books and magazines on the coffee table, et cetera, just make sure they're neatly stacked and such.

And single men... I imagine anyone that frequents Apartment Therapy doesn't have this problem. But. A clean toilet is a MUST. If it's an unexpected visit I would look the other way if the toilet is a little iffy, but if it's a scheduled visit, show your lady some respect and make sure that toilet is sparkling. That one is what Liz Lemon would refer to as a deal breaker.

Rob Gomes - keep fighting the good fight. If they're intimidated by nice decor and a manly apartment, they probably aren't worth your breath, and have more insecurity issues than you would want to deal with. I personally find a nice, well kept and designed apartment a huge turn on, because it says that you care about yourself and your space, even if you don't have a dame you're going steady with. It's partially a confidence and self worth thing. You're not damned if you do, just gotta find the right girl. And I know it's easier said than done... but in the end, won't it be worth it?

@chesterntrudy-

This is the single best piece of poetry I have read in years. Thank you.

I bought my house before I got engaged, lived here for what seemed like forever with my ex-fiance, and now live here alone again...after he moved out, it was so very US everywhere. I've been slowly but surely removing the US and replacing it all with things that say ME. I've still got to replace some of the furniture (for example, the bed we picked out together when we got engaged - I hate it, but can't yet afford the one I want), but the house is starting to feel like it belongs to me again.

I think the biggest thing is to make your place very YOU.

And please, clean toilets are a must. I'm by no means a neat freak, but gross uncleanliness is not acceptable - no rotten food, spills that never got mopped up, nasty bathrooms, etc. I would really hope that any adult who is not living in a frat house would understand these things, but you'd be surprised.

Just remember the basics...

1. Be clean and tidy ( a little pet fur in your house is ok, but a dirty clothing trail says nothing good)
2. Be stocked up. If you drink booze always have your normal selection available (Vodka,gin,rum,wiskey(or rye for the canucks) red and white wine unopened) if not... get a selection of non alcoholic drinks prepared... that includes teas and coffee. Have some snacks in the cubbard as well, just incase!
3. Be yourself. Your home should reflect you, no matter how crazy or quiet you may be. Artwork and photos are great but dont overload it... and make sure to get rid of photos of your ex... its only an awkward answer to "who is that in your photo?" if its the ex. Get comfy, take your shoes off.. put your feet up and grab a pillow... make them feel as comfy as you are and that staying in could possibly be better then going out?
4. MUSIC
Big time under appreciated and so important. I have been to some potentially great parties with horrible music and horrible homes with great tunes making the best parties. Playlist it up... get some sensible and vibrant music... but nothing too hard or too soft, nothing connected to old relationships. New situations are sucessful when you keep your energy up so throw some fun tunes in the mix but in moderation (every 5 songs?). Old school motown and fun triphop never fail... most bars play it and it works for them so try it!

And I don't suggest this for all but if your serious about dating and thinning the fish in the sea to a few great catches...you can always have out a few items that get the attention of the "not applicable" fishes if you catch my drift. For me... I find certian music and artwork horrible, but I keep choice albums and art mags in in my home just incase... if they play it or comment on it... I politely smile and call it a night.

And you can always talk to someone in real estate about the best way to make a home more comfy, some say bake a pie when people visit or to use low lighting to add to the feeling of being at home. Good luck newly dating... have fun and be safe!

Haha melkartwork, that is so funny about the music/mags you test people with. Wouldn't it be ironic, though, if one day you meet the perfect guy and he sees those albums or magazines and writes you off?

chesterntrudy, that is so funny!

Hmmmm, I never gave much thought to presenting my home to someone I was dating. I've always decorated my home to please me. I am a bit of a neat freak, I admit, I enjoy cleaning. As long as I can listen to my music, I'll happily dance around the house and clean it from top to bottom while bopping to the beat...and having a bit of wine doesn't hurt. I enjoy keeping my house clean, neat and smelling nice for myself. It's a joy to come home to at the end of the day.

However, I do realize that there are those that think that cleaning the house is only done for special occasions. I once dated a guy for awhile. When he invited me into his home, I was ....well, it's hard to find the words to describe how I felt. Probably the best is to say I was insulted. The place was FILTHY!!!! And I don't mean messy or dirty, I mean FILTHY!!!! The entire floor in the house was covered in dirt. When I took off my shoes and walked barefoot, things were crunching underneath my feet. The toilet looked as if it hadn't been scrubbed in months, the dirt on the dining room table was so obvious because the table was glass. The walls that were once white had black scum on the doors around the doorknobs. I was really shocked at the way it looked because the guy seemed to have really good hygiene. I just wondered, how could you keep your body so clean, yet keep your home so nasty???

So I did feel quite insulted, I felt that perhaps he didn't think I was special enough to make him clean his house. The whole situation made me think that he was depressed.

And bepsf, I agree. I did eventually realize that we were not compatible and I left him alone.
Something about that situation left me thinking that something was wrong with him emotionally.

Actually it took the ending of a 4 year relationship for me to start really caring about the place I live in. I don't mean things were dirty, but they didn't reflect ME. Now I have a beautiful sanctuary that I love to be in, and if I can share it with someone, that makes it even sweeter. If your potential partner doesn't like your style of decor, he probably isn't right for you anyway.

Oh I agree with melkartwork, photos of the ex are a NO-NO. In fact, it's probably a good idea to get rid of anything he/she gave you unless you absolutely need it and can't replace it yet.

Keep it clean but lived in. If every single thing down to a matchstick is in place, it could freak some out thinking they'll never live up to your standards. If it looks like a tornado went through, well the dates are going to be freaked by that too. So I'd say try to keep it organized but don't fret if everything isn't perfect.

OK, Let me take you back to reality. If a guy comes up to your apartment...he really could care less how your place is decorated. (As long as your not totally off the wall). We are guys, and yes we like being stylish, but we really are trying to impress YOU. You invite us up and I promise our mission will not be trying to figure out what your apartment decor says about you...we will have other things on our mind

All the comments about dirty bathrooms are hilarious. The first time I went to my husband's apartment I was totally grossed out by the condition of the bathroom. But, I married him anyway. It's been 17 years and he still doesn't see bathroom grime, but he's the sweetest, kindest person I've ever met. I guess it's all in what you can live with.

Aww, I had photos of my ex at my apartment when I got together with my current boyfriend. But then, the current and ex boyfriends already knew each other.

I asked my boyfriend, and he said that he did really like my apartment, and liked seeing that I was creative.

I joked that clearly the shape your apartment is in doesn't matter, as I started dating him. ;)

As I believe a person's home is their sanctuary and a reflection of the person living there. I would tell your friend to relax and keep it simple. As someone had stated earlier if a potential beau is critical of your home he's lost his potential-you don't want to date him anyway. I do think however that a home should not smell bad, you should always be able to see the floor, and yes clean the bathroom.

Oh I agree with melkartwork, photos of the ex are a NO-NO.

"Photos of the ex"? As in printed pieces of paper, framed and hung on the wall? Sweet merciful crap, ladies, when did you last redecorate, the 90s?

As anyone of actual dating age will tell you, photos are digital images you keep on your iPhone, not pieces of paper.

Blandwagon - I'm going to hope you meant that as sarcasm.