apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

Any episode of Clean House on Style. Although I find these things just make me feel better when they make my mess look like neat freak clean, rather than motivate me to clean, haha.

I too am motivated by the fear of hoarding. Especially since no one is born a hoarder. Whenever I visit a cluttered home I become anxious and can't wait to go home. I'd rather live in an empty space then be a hoarder.

to me, hoarding represents the slow descent into insanity

. . . and then there are my parents. Cellar to attic stuff - it's really horrific, and I know we're going to be the ones to deal with it. One the bright side, a visit to their house always makes me even neater than usual.

We here that the original documentary The Beales of Grey Gardens (1976) is the one to watch.

You probably meant "hear." Those homonyms'll getcha every time! :-)

If you've never seen this before, it's an interesting look at living with a hoarder from the inside. It's an old archived forum post, and most of the comments are asinine and childish, but the original poster's replies are fascinating in their ambivalence. He knows there's something wrong with his mom, but doesn't know how to even start to help her. He acknowledges having packrat/slob tendencies himself, which further complicates matters.

My in-laws suffer from what's becoming an extreme hoarding problem that is negatively affecting relationships with their family. We can't visit them (they're 5 hours away) with their new grandchild because there is no place for us to sleep and honestly the mess stresses me out. When they come to visit us they bring at least 6 bags for just the 2 of them for a weekend visit (including one filled with what looked like old mail-I peeked one time). Now that we have the baby I feel like I need to speak up and get them some help, but then there's the touching in-law relationship....

Having a small apartment helps - no place to stash useless stuff. Although if you're truly a hoarder I guess having a spot for everything isn't really a concern. Can you imagine how much money gets spent on all that junk?

YA WANNA SEE SCARY???.....and quite sad

Google " MESSY HOUSTON APARTMENT"

But seriously....I have a friend that is on her way to needing to be rescued....her apartment is overrun and badly cluttered with odd thrift store purchases, and other impulse buys. What's so sad is that she can't fit all her dishes in the cupboards....and she NEVER cooks and rarely eats at home because her kitchen is so jammed with crap. She never gets rid of anything.....and her stuff is dominating her life. Every weekend...she seems to add more and more. She has more art on the floor waiting to be hung...than she has room on the walls!

Hoarding is such a sad cycle....I always feel sorry for those that suffer from this.

My Mom is a bit of a clothes hoarder....she still had cute vacation clothes from the early 80's in one of her guest rooms closets.....much to the delight of my nieces last summer, when that look was raging all over shops in Echo Park!

i was under the impression that part of the beale's problem was that they could not afford to have the trash hauled away. if it were handled by the municipality, they probably would have put it out. it's not like those ladies were raised to keep house themselves.

The first time I came across a hoarding self-help website, I was so profoundly freaked out that I spent hours and hours cleaning. I personally have a complicated relationship with objects and have to work hard to edit, edit and not over-collect. I feel so sad for people who are trapped in dysfunctional relationships with their things.

Hoarding stories always make me feel sad. I can't stand it though when its combined with things like rotting food and other biohazards. BBC America has a series "How clean is your house?" that featured some guy's home that had no furniture but was filled with garbage--including 6 bags of used kleenex. That was sick. I won't even start about the bacteria they found in his sleeping bag. (shudder)

LadyJ - You don't end up with multiple six foot high piles of empty cat food tins in the kitchen just because you can't find anyone to haul them away... That's hoarding. They could've made a trash pile outside if they didn't want to live with it in the house.

I'm curious about whether some hoarders could be treated with anti-anxiety meds to help break the cycle.

I live by the 6 months rule. If I haven't touched or used it in 6 months (other than xmas decor), then I didn't really need it, and out it goes.

I understand leadingedge's comment. I have/had a friend, a good-hearted woman who's a hoarder, but I cannot go to her house anymore. It made me nuts. It was like a nightmare, except that it was real. She knows she has problems with it, but I don't think she's ever done anything about it. I think this reflects her life, in a way - she seems very stuck in time. The Cure tries to address this problem, I think. If you declutter a mess, momentum begins. You can't stop - you can't help but continue, because the relief is real.

@Elizcrtv

I've heard that antidepressants help in some cases (along with therapy). My sister-in-law is a hoarder and can even pinpoint the incident that sort of drove her to it. But she won't talk to a therapist and definitely won't take drugs, even though she admits they'd probably help.

Her problem also affects my brother and their kids. It's pretty sad that my 5 yr old niece is too embarrassed to invite her friends over to play.

marcspice--I have those photos saved to my computer for when I'm feeling lazy! My mom got them in an email and forwarded them to me. I just don't understand how a girl can be so gross. And I mean, GROSS.

What I find most disturbing about hoarding is the possibility of infestations from not removing garbage: roaches, rats, etc. There was a family on Dr. Phil (I think) and the mother wouldn't even throw away moldy and rotting food! There was excrement from the pets all over the house, and they even had a second property that wasn't inhabited, it just held more of their stuff. It must be hard for the children in these situations - the son was antisocial and the daughter was so embarrassed she wouldn't have any of her friends over. Sad.

I also saw a documentary that featured a woman living in SF, and she had been cited several times by the Fire Dept because she had things overflowing onto her fire escape and there were only thin walkways that were free of clutter throughout the apartment. She had been threatened with eviction several times. This lady had stuff stacked floor to ceiling.

A landlord's nightmare, I would think.

marcspice, I just checked out those photos. That apt is unbelievable disgusting; my mind can't make sense of it. So sad. I find it curious that the ironing board is out and looks like it was used. Frankly, ironing would be the last thing I'd tackle.

i wiki'd the collyer brothers. fascinating story. i did burst out laughing at the explanation of how the missing brother died.

it' interesting what happens when people choose to withdraw. hoarding, split personalities.

My dad was a hoarder. I never knew how bad it was until he died last year and I started going through his personal belongings. As his only heir, I'm responsible for cleaning up the mess. Fortunately, it wasn't gross stuff that I had to deal with, just a lot of man-stuff/junk. I've already spent 5 straight weeks going through his belongings and getting rid of what I can and there's still more to do. I think he suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Personality (different from OCD) and had a lot of issues growing up that contributed to his need to keep everything. It's sad.

I have a good friend who is a hoarder. I guess it comes from a fear of poverty from the remembrance of not having enough at some point of their life. I go to the other extreme by sometimes not keeping things that I should. As much as I feel choked by too much stuff.....I'm assuming these people feel choked by emptiness.

Neomott speak up! My mom suffered from this for years. I was the only one that constantly brought it to her attention. I stayed away from her and told her why constantly. You must be strong enough to get past the arguements.

Baileyb....you hit the spot

It sometimes does come from not having much at some point in your life....or perhaps too much.

Another old friend of mine who is a clothes, glassware and book hoarder grew up very modestly in Alabama....the adopted daughter of christian missionaries.

She has a closet that is so packed with items on "last chance- 90% off clearance rack" from Barneys and Fred Segal you can barely fit another item in.....she CAN'T take advice to go to Buffalo Exchange and sell them, because then she won't have them anymore and that will take away her status of "having nice things".

Enter her tiny bathroom and you are hit with multiple bottles of hair products,skin care, make-up and perfumes fighting for space on the shelves....some of it quite old.

on the flip side

The girl I speak of in my comment above grew up wealthy in Newport Beach....and can't keep up that lifestyle on her own....in fact she is quite un-educated,un sophisticated, ...and begining to turn very low class ghetto. But the illusion of having all that stuff makes her feel whole....like when she was growing up and had a closet full of clothes, import records on the turntable and a cute car.

Thats why it never stops.....that's why she has over 100 pair of black platforms from goodwill, and a huge tangle of QVC style jewelry from TJ Maxx on her dresser!

Her grooming products are also numerous....but cheap!

Neither of these girls have even been close to having a steady, stable man.....both are in their 40's and are childless.....men run from them and their apartments.

It's sad!

My mother was/is a hoarder. Growing up we could never have people over because the house was so cluttered and filthy. We fell asleep at night listening to the soothing sounds of giant roaches tiptoeing through the piles. On the plus side, I guess I was exposed so much to dirt, dust and bugs that I have no allergies and rarely get sick. A few years back we cleaned up her house and had a huge garage sale. The lady had five (!) crock pots that had never been used, in case she wanted to have a dinner party (crock pot soiree in mouse-infested filth). Her doctor has changed her medication and it actually seems to help a bit. I figure when she dies, my brother and I will get the family photos and let the county worry about the mess. At the time of the big clean I did a bit of research about hoarding, it's not an easy problem to fix.

There used to be this wonderful show on BBC America called "Life Laundry" which was a catharsis in a makeover. I wish they would bring it back. I don't think anyone can hoard quite like the English.

On the BBC Channel, there's a show with two British women...'How Clean Is Your House' ,that I can't eat anything while watching it. Some of those homes are not only cluttered, but are purely filthy...tons of animal hair, food left for years,infestations, bathrooms (toilets) not being cleaned for years. It's one thing living in a mountain of stuff, and another living with infestation and filth. It's probably right, as someone mentioned, that the people living in these homes are pretty healthy. Their immunity system has been really built up. It's a shame.

I'll tell ya....after watching these shows, it really gets me motivated!

Today in downtown Chicago, I saw the car of what had to be a hoarder parked on the street. The interior was piled to the roof with clothes, wrappers, milk cartons, fast food bags.... just enough room for the driver to sit down. Yikes.

Looking at pics like those actually make me anxious. I work with a hoarder who keeps used shipping boxes and packing materials "just in case." We're not talking about going green, we're talking about ten year old cardboard in a corner, etc. Then he wonders why we have so many problems with mice and other fun creatures. I've suggested numerous times just going through and throwing every out on his day off but apparently he has some anger issues and noone wants to set him off.

It's amazing how many hoarders there are out there - I know at least two. It's a huge problem, and yet it's very submerged. As this thread demonstrates, many people can't even tell the difference between slovenliness, "being a bit of a packrat", and being a hoarder.

Nobody seems entirely clear on how it happens, it's almost impossible to treat, and it's everywhere. I wonder why there isn't more publicity and research going into it?

I'm sure than anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication might help, so I suppose it's a good start if you have a close friend or a loved one who suffers from this mental illness (let's not mince words on what it is). Just remember that forcibly cleaning their home without changing them is the WORST thing you can do.

My father-in-law is a hoarder. Total nightmare. Junk floor to ceiling, obstructing walls, outlets, plumbing. Total fire hazard. The house is falling apart as it cannot be maintained. Rotting food is lying about everywhere. There's literally inches of dirt on every surface. Ugh, I can't even think about it anymore! I expect one day he'll be crushed under all his stuff. He's now starting to fill up his mother's home too. Mostly with stuff he picks out of people's garbage. He's completely mentally ill. I dread the day when he steps off this mortal coil and my husband and I will have to help clean it out. Lighting a match seems like the most sane option.

I once had a client who hoarded books of all things. She had easily over 5,000. They were shoved in every nook and cranny she could find. I was completely freaked out just being there and when I found out later she had been a foster child, it made a bit more sense. She wasn't allowed as a kid to have too many "things" because she moved around a lot and books were her escape while growing up. Still, it was very challenging to try to tell her she didn't need a designer but psychologist. Very sad.

I am a packrat but I wouldn't say I horde...that being said if you go into my parents bedroom at home it looks like I've never left. Shelves are full, closets, etc. :P

The problem with doing a makeover on someone's house is that if they still have the compulsion to hoard, it will become messy again.

Excuse me while I ramble for a moment: My mother hangs on to everything. Every program or brochure, every Christmas card, every peice of homework I ever brought home. I once counted 17 boxes of jello in our basement. My friends used to joke that if there was ever an emergency they would want to be at my house, where we have a years worth of nonperishable food!

I attribute my mom's behavior to the fact that she raised 8 kids. She never really learned how to adjust her spending/saving habits once we all moved out.

I've talked to her about her hoarding problem. She doesn't acknowledge it as a compulsion that should be treated- although she frequently complains that her home and junk (though she'd never call it junk) stresses her out. Despite the clutter, the house is clean (or atleast as clean as you can expect) but it makes me stressed out to visit.

In the past my sisters and I have offered to organize and tackle certain projects in her home. It seems like once we do the spaces never stay organized.

I've decided to put my cleaning energy towards my own home, where I know my efforts are useful!

I saw that Oprah episode ages ago (I don't know how, exactly, since I never watch Oprah). It made me so sad... That house was so full of hoarded 'stuff' that it was suffocating to watch. The house was larger than 2000 sq ft, and there was stuff piled as high as the woman could reach, and it was EVERYWHERE. I just can't understand how she got to that point.

So sad that her family wouldn't even visit anymore. Just so sad.

i don't buy that messy houston apartment. it looks staged. the bathroom is clearly unusable. there's no way someone smoked those butts in that apartment with putting them out in a container. they looked there.

it's a hoax.

The website Squalor Survivors was a real motivation to me a couple years ago. I felt superior the whole time I was reading it - then I went into my room and threw out all my old cooking magazines that I never use.

The test now is: do I need it? Do I love it? Will I use it? If it doesn't meet at least two of those, it doesn't come home with me in the first place, or it goes OUT!

My mother is a (recovering) extreme hoarder. She has gotten a lot better now but it was really horrible for a long time. When I was growing up it was OK mostly. It was pretty CLEAN, but very messy. Like there were piles of clothes everywhere, but they were clean clothes, and the dishes did get washed & had places to go. She just never got rid of anything, and loved going to Goodwill and stocking up on just about anything that might conceivably be useful or just cool. She'd just buy whatever because it was inexpensive. Bags of clothes from Goodwill, knick knacks, lamps, TVs, anything. And no free roadside item could be passed up. If we saw a free chair on the side of the road, why not bring it home?

Needless to say, this was extremely embarrassing for me and my siblings, because we did not feel comfortable bringing over guests unless they were people we knew so well and trusted so much that we could explain the situation. I did have my own room after a certain age and then I could be in control of my space and make that my sanctuary, but my room was really the only livable space in the house. I came out to get food and use the bathroom, but otherwise the only habitable, clean environment was my room. Even the kitchen table was piled with stuff - you had to perch on a chair to get to the microwave.

In the last couple years before I moved out, it got really out of control, though. Not only were we overrun with crap all over - to the point that in most rooms you could not see the floor, some rooms were piled with stuff right up to about a foot or 2 before the ceiling, etc... but then we also started to get a significant rodent problem. And obviously, when you have an infestation in an environment like that, it is extremely hard to control. Very, very unpleasant and unsanitary...

The dilemma with hoarding is that once you get to a certain level of mess it becomes very very overwhelming to try to do anything about it. It's just not something you can handle on your own. It is really a deeply psychological issue... I think for my mother all the crap was really this odd security blanket, and getting rid of it felt impossible, just like getting over her emotional baggage felt like way too much to deal with. To try to deal the mess really opens up the psychological wounds that you are transferring the objects onto. And helping someone with this condition is very difficult because at least in my mother's case, she became extremely defensive to the point of real rage when someone suggested that she had an issue or needed help... because again it is not just about the stuff but about the underlying issues, and because there is such a stigma attached to this kind of thing. It is hardly recognized as a real problem and is rare enough that it is really embarrassing for anyone involved.

So... yes, for me, hoarding is a real turnoff and a very real reason to keep my apartment clean. My backlash against this type of environment has not made me a total neat freak, but it certainly has made me sure that I will never have a room where things just get left out for more than a couple hours. It's just not a good living situation.

People still seem to confuse hoarding with just having stuff - hoarders have issues which need to be addressed to prevent them keeping mountains and mountains of junk and rubbish which threaten their health and safety - thats a given.

But there is no need to go to the opposite extreme of living with minimal stuff - there is no need to automatically get rid of something you haven't used for 6 months - if everyone lived this way there would be no antiques or memorabilia from previous eras.

Being devils advocate, it could be argued that the compulsive desire to keep getting rid of things is also a symptom of a mental issue.

If you have the space and facilities please don't dispose of stuff just because you haven't used it lately - the things you keep could be incredibly precious to the next generation - an attic full of trunks of vintage clothing and housewares is a dream find and is a million miles away from a rubbish-filled house.

In the course of my work, I have come across a few cases of near-extreme hoarders ( the fact that they called in a feng shui expert showed that they were at least conscious that they had a problem and they were calling out for help). The energy surrounding these super pack rats is very sad. One lady had carved pathways through newspapers that were stacked from floor to ceiling to get to her bathroom which had practically a shrine to prescription drugs in it. (A table jammed with every kind of pill bottle imaginable. Living in disorganized clutter and being a hoarder are two very different things and the energy feels different, too.
Katy
http://fengshuibyfishgirl.com