apartment therapy changing the world, one room at a time

I've just begun cohabiting with a cat named Billy. He moved in with nothing, and approves of pretty much everything in my place. So far, the only argument we've had is over the small green rug just inside the front door, which he peed on.

: )

I have a problem with hanging my art- would you mind helping? I'd surely appreciate it!

If any of your readers would like to give me advice on my art in my kitchen, please visit my blog and vote!

Petra- Designfragment
www.designfragment.blogspot.com

Love the Future Primitive skateboard deck in the top pic.

When my boyfriend and I moved in together last November it ended up being mostly me who took over on the design elements of our new apartment. This wasn't because I didn't want him to have a say, but rather because he hardly ever has an opinion about it. So instead of my problem being that our ideas were clashing, I actually had more of a problem getting opinions out of him because I wanted him to feel as much at home here as I do, and wanted us to meet halfway in terms of making a space which we are both comfortable in.

We have progressed somewhat and since it was our first place a lot of our furniture was hand-me-downs or we went and bought it together. When people we know come into our home they are usually pretty sure that the look of it is down to me, which sometimes bothers me a bit because I wish it had been a bit more of a combined effort. On the other hand, I had free reign to create a space that I love! And in the end, I'm pretty sure he loves it too. At least, I never hear a complaint.

My boyfriend had moved from Toronto to where we live now with only clothes, dvd's, cd's and guitars a year before I moved in with him. The furniture he did have (which was VERY little), he only bought out of necessity and was cheap, mis-matched, and he had no attachment to. My one concern when I moved in was that he would think I had taken over the apartment with my large collection of furniture and other things and he wouldn't feel at home. Didn't happen though.

Your place looks pretty sleek to me! Then again, I came home from work the day my new roommate moved in and was horrified she had started integrating her hot pink knick knacks and scented candles into the house. My bedroom is dark wood with caramel colored walls and burnt orange and marigold accents. Hers, by contrast, is all white furniture (including a canopy bed) and tons of things with flower patterns and a collection of Hello Kitty memorbilia. I would probably mesh better with my boyfriend were we too move in together.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. I'm moving into a new place with the boy in a week, so I can't wait to see what others comment. Any helpful tips on compromise would be amazing!

my boyfriend just moved into my place, and luckily he doesn't have much furniture but I was surprised to learn he is a sock hoarder! He must have at least 50 pairs of socks. you think you know someone...

WHERE TO PUT HIS GIANT CHEESE HEAD?!

(also, where's that couch from?)

There are surprisingly few blogs out there that discuss cohabiting couples - so it's nice to have a nod here on one of my favorites. Congrats to the both of you!

It's the journey that's we're excited about. Building a life and home together each day and not on a fast get 'er done weekend at Ikea.

My partner and I have officially moved in together! It's been a glorious week (after months of planning, packing and relocating transAtlantic). No he didn't bring much more than clothes and cowboy boots, but sure enough already there are design differences.

I've set up the apartment with my hand me downs and vintage finds. A shoestring budget has really made the place charming. It's a bit Doris Day Pillow Talk, a bit Mad Men. Sexy Grandma is the look. He's ever so kindly suggested that our future purchases have clean, modern lines. Thinks we are on the verge of overkill.

Strange that I completely agree and yet still could be a bit hurt by it. Something about style that is so highly personal. Think wagon wheel coffee table in 'When Harry met Sally'. But it's all about it being OUR space, and that is exciting and worth losing or gaining controversial pieces.

Enjoy it! And thank you!

My boyfriend and I have been together five years, cohabitating for four. We were fortunate in that when we initially moved in together, items I lacked were items he had, and vice versa.

It wasn't until the first few months went by, when I wanted to make new curtains for the kitchen that he started "reviewing" my purchases. I was fine with this initially, as it's half his apartment, but I quickly realized his opposition to anything I tried to do to the apartment was more based on cost concerns than real design concerns - although our taste is in no way complementary or similar.

For him, the bigger the furniture, the better, and he has a lot of heavy, ugly wood pieces with no real style. Think cheap hunting lodge. And everything not wooden is navy blue. (Yes, everything.)

I'm more industrial chic meets art deco fun with a splash of eco-modern. But we live in a Philadelphia style rental with a federalist-feel interior/moldings, etc. and nothing seems to fit at all. My bf's stuff is too low and long for the tight, boxy, high-ceilinged rooms, and my things are too modern looking.

Anyway, we've been saving for a house for several years, what with the metro-Boston real estate prices being expensive even for wealthy couples such as us. Because of that, my bf refuses to spend a penny on any furniture for inside or outside the house. If I want something, like chairs for around the patio table, I have to buy it all myself. New bathmat? All me. He doesn't care how old or ratty our stuff looks, or if it doesn't fit the space or if it doesn't work for our lifestyle. He won't buy anything and he won't get rid of anything. Why? Money could have gone into the "house fund." I'm not sure he'll be any more design-conscious or even agreeable if we do buy a house.

I love him, but it's kind of a nightmare. Beware.

when my boyfriend and i moved away together (500 miles from home). we started with some mix and match pieces collected from various relatives. he had an old ratty pull out couch that was just nasty. he insisted on keeping so... so we kept it... i complained about it everyday. until i bought a couch cover to cover the ugliness of it.

he also got a dining set from his father. although he wouldn't let me paint to, i re-did the cushion covers and they look 100 times better.

it was hard living with all his stuff that he inherited. he's not one to throw things out. i had to work around all these mix-matched pieces and i was not a happy camper.

he also had an army green metal file cabinet, although it served it's purpose. it was just uggggly. i placed it under the dining table so no one would see it.

it was hard to work with someone who was unwilling to give. and it was hard bc we were both in school (he was doing his undergrad and i was in graduate school) so money was tight. the sad part of it is that i moved out 2 years later. (we're still together though).

in the future, if we ever move in together again, it'll be our own home and i will not put up with ugly second... third hand furniture (especially if i'm not allowed to alter it)

Can we see more photos of this apartment please? It looks so cute! I love the use of red...

My husband and I moved in together when he was fresh out of undergrad.... so all the furniture was either mine, or we purchased together. Our home (a modest-sized apartment) is mainly a mix of IKEA, CB2, and westelm.

we mercifully agree with almost all furniture purchases. We both love industrial modern, and prefer black, grey, white, and bright red. We also both agree that all rooms in a small home must flow together... If there is something I pick out that he doesn't like, often, his choice is pretty much to my liking, so we'll go with it.

The only difficult purchase was dining chairs, since it had to be pretty, and very comfortable. Most pretty chairs are horribly awkward. He loved an eames chair (super comfy, but didn't match table style well), and I loved the emeco navy chair (reasonably comfy, but a bit cold to sit on, yet matched table perfectly). It was the first and only time we came to a design stand still. We basically let the sales staff determine which chair to buy.

This is one relationship breaker - LOL - since people always have certain tastes. The biggest problem with the fiance and I is that he likes modern lines and is minimalist where I like traditional and would rather not sit in an almost empty room. I've won most of the battles so far since our families tend to favor my style as well - he was happy to wreak havoc on the den.

My domestic partner and I have been together longer than some of you guys have been alive! Still, we SHARE a house, and I think this is something some people never really understand. It kind of bugs me when one partner just takes over designing what THEY want, and the other has to live with it.

Living together is the ultimate example of compromise. I do most of the decorating, but I run every significant choice by my partner. He had total control of his bedroom, his home theater, and his home office. I had total control over my bedroom, pretty much total control over the guest room, and more than half over the dining room where I do my crafts and store my varied collection of treasures.

We shopped together, since the house is new, for furnishings for the other rooms, and if I find a bargain, I photograph it to show him, rather than just buy it (normally.) We worked together on selection of finishes for the kitchen, flooring, paint colors, et al. The goal is that we both like the results. Sometimes he lets me have my favorite, sometimes I let him. (I wasn't too sure about the pumpkin orange he wanted for the stairwell and exercise room, but I've gotten used to it.) I got some Room and Board Jake chairs for the breakfast area -- he was not interested in most of the color choices I liked, so we got birch (which almost matches the maple kitchen cabinets) -- kind of bland, but probably more timeless than the turquoise blue I STILL want to paint them!

Maybe the above suggests my preferred solution: each partner should have at least ONE space, if you have enough rooms, that they have more say over, that they feel especially at home in. But common rooms, like shared bedrooms and living rooms, should be a balance between you both. And neither should have to live with anything they truly hate. (Make the sacrifice for the relationship -- stash it somewhere else, sell it, store it, but don't torture your loved one with something essentially trivial that makes them unhappy. People are more important than stuff.)

Although we have lots of disagreements about cleaning, we have very few about decor. Except for the time he put a picture of Spock in the kitchen, which was really not logical.

When I moved in with my husband, we made a deal. The home didn't have to be my style, but it had to have style. I let him choose the "look and feel" he wanted our loft to have, then I picked everything out and arranged it, almost as if I were a decorator for a client. It worked out for both of us.

Although my husband and I usually agree on home decorations and design taste in general, we just bought our first house and are thinking about such things more than usual. For his birthday, I gave him a design trump card for one-time use to override any design decision that I might not like. He probably won't ever need to use it, but if he falls in love with something I don't like, he's going to get to buy it - once.

I believe the older we are - the more difficult it is to combine our belongings. I married a man who had very specific ideas about how HIS house would be decorated and after 3 years of trying - we divorced. His world was grey, black and crome while mine was light, bright, colors and textures....
Guess sometimes we are just too old and set in our ways to change - even for LOVE.
Bek

My boyfriend of 2 years and I are planning on moving in together when I graduate May 2010. I feel very fortunate because...
1) He likes going to antique stores (Swear not gay - just likes old things).
2) He let me redecorate his room and he loves it.
3) He knows how much I read this blog and love decorating so he said he's happy with however I want to decorate our apartment because what makes me happy makes him happy (unless I liked pink...luckily I don't).

Something important to note about your man: Mine is 27 and moving out of the house he shares with 4 other guys. If your guy is in a similar situation take note on how he feels about living with (in general) mismatched furniture (or lack of important furniture - they had no table to eat on for months) and the general mess that comes with living with a lot of people (you do the dishes and 3 seconds later the sink is overflowing). If your guy is FINE with all of that and you're not...you might have some issues when you clean and he doesn't or you want to get some nice furniture and he doesn't care. That will cause tension.

Bottom line: check and see if your guy is still living the frat house life happily...or if he's ready to move on.

@ErinInRB - The sofa and chair are from the leather furniture manufacturer Lind Furniture.

Ugh...this is giving me a gnawing feeling in my stomach, having had several days of discussion on this topic.

Jane, I have a similar problem with my witch kitty and a blue rug in front of the laundry! As for my human roommate, my taste rules for most of the place. His area has a TOO large TV/entertainment stand, an oversized recliner and his idea of art is a picture of a lion chained to a Harley Davidson bike!

What a great topic! I have been cohabting with my partner for about 9 months, (only been together for 12 months) as we were both in need to move and decided just to do it.. anyway.. He has LOADS of essential furniture :: bed.. media centre.. dining table etc and I had all the additionals.. bookshelves, chest of drawers side tables .. Our design ideas are rather different..but we have managed to create a space that reflects both of us.. we have both purged our stock and have jointly bought pieces to fill in the gaps.

No major hiccups besides the placement of his HALO figures and some strange warlord figurines he seems to like.. but he lets me hang my cameras up on the wall so i guess its an even compromise.. and that is the key... comprimise.. you are SHARING a space so it needs to be equally as comfortable for both of you. (even if it means that your partner needs to just GO with you when you say you want white linen curtains trimmed with dorothy blue gingham in your kitchen! and be suprised when he is the one that likes them and you can't stand them and take them down as soon as you have hemmed them. . ok ranting on persnoal experience there. sorry.)

ps. LOVE that skateboard on the wall and the collection of photographs!

On August 13 i will be moving in with my BF of five years. It's been a long-distance relationship, so I'm not sure how the decorating thing will go. I'm anxious about it.

Our apartment, in Pittsburgh, is very small, and we both have a huge book habit. I've gotten rid of 300 books before this move, I have about a hundred left, maybe less. I'm afraid to ask how many books he's moved to the apartment (he's been living there for two weeks).

I want shorter bookcases/shelves. I don't want to live in a small space with looming towers of books to the ceiling. I'd rather have three or four short cases along one wall, and hang some art above them, than have two monsters to the ceiling. He sees towers of books as both "saving space" and "necessary" to house every book he's ever owned.

He says he's great at "spatial relationships"....making things fit. I say I'm much more informed about making a space both functional and appealing, and also making a small space look larger. I've been reading AT for a couple of years, so I'm hoping I've learned enough to help us both out.

We'll see.......stay tuned, lol.

Other than a bed and a chair, we have no furniture, so I guess I'm lucky in that I don't have to suffer crappy furniture he won't give up, lol

My husband was more than happy to leave his curbside-found furniture with his roomie when we got married. All he brought with him was an end table from Ikea and his guitars. Oh, and cables. Miles and miles of cables. Have I mentioned that I hate cables?

The rest of our furniture was either given to us by family members or we bought it together (mostly from junk stores or the Salvation Army). We're both artsy types, so the design decisions have all been made together, and fortunately we've had very little in the way of disagreements.

I've been living with my boyfriend for almost nine months, and the design of our home together is a constant challenge. I moved into his place (an old farmhouse that we are fortunate enough to live in rent free) from a house that I had owned with my ex-husband and had lovingly remodeled with total free reign from top to bottom. There are many facets to my frustration - spatial challenges, financial limitations, an abundance of crap (mine too), and copious amounts of knotty pine - but I've realized that if we focus on our shared likes (vintage industrial, original art) instead of our differences, we are both a lot happier overall. I believe we'll one day have a space that reflects both of us individually and as a couple, but we just have to be patient and enjoy the process.

For those of you preparing to move in together: check out "The Sharing Solution" It's a book put out by NOLO press, Re-Nest mentioned it a bit back. I wish I'd had it before I ever had roommates. SO much amazing information.

When I moved in with my Fiance, he had a fully furnished house, and I had... a bed. And a VERY thoroughly equipped kitchen. My family gives me kitchen stuff for pretty much any every occasion, so I've got EVERYTHING. Sometimes many times over. All of it was in boxes, as I had moved home "temporarily" three years prior, so I didn't even know what I had.
His stuff was all hand-me-downs, Craigslist finds, or curb finds. He hadn't brought home ANY of it. Some was leftover from his Mom, some was leftover from previous roommates, some he simply had no idea where it had come from.

There has been a LOT of purging, and now, over a year later, we're aproaching something workable. He has no real attachment to how things are set up (it was a place to sleep for him, not a home, and it still is, somewhat), but I pay close attention when he says he likes something, and I ask him "What about this interests you?". Even though he doesn't outright say it, he DOES have a style he likes, it just takes work to find it.

Our biggest issue, though? I love red and orange in decor, but he's a red-head, and clashes with all of it. ~_^

The boy and I moved in together a little less than 3 months ago after 3 years together, and so far, so good! We both got rid of our ugly 70's brown couches & chairs in exchange for a blue checkered hide-a-bed and a blue Poang chair (not my fav. but it's free), and the rest of our hand-me-downs and curbside treasures we managed to mesh rather well.

Like jfrances said, concintrating on what you both like rather than what you don't. We each have our vetos, though - I won't live with a leather sofa with poufy cushions, and he won't let me have sleek ultra-modern furniture. And we each live with a few things the other is less keen on - his giant wooden fork & spoon in the kitchen come to mind, but they make him happy, so... *shrugs*

i remember when my boyfriend and i moved in together. it was the battle of space! he saw it as an opportunity to buy the obnoxiously-unnecessary 52 inch television. i had to pick and choose my battle. we moved in together with minimal furniture, so it was close to starting from scratch.

the main issue was money- who would pay for what. although he claims i had free reign on the decor of our apartment, i felt like he won! it looks a lot more masculine than i'd like it to be. and i swear, my house looks like a best buy catalogue, with all the electronics and toys he's bought. but when we move into a bigger apartment, after seeing that i wont decorate the whole place PINK!, he has given me complete trust to decorate

Oh man my boyfriend and I just moved in together, and I'm so relieved to hear this topic discussed. I swear I almost had a panic attack when he listed off all the Cleveland sports-themed furniture he had and was ADAMANT about working into our teeny tiny apartment. Cue dashing of all hopes of a midcentury modern decor... It's only been a couple of weeks and the rest of his stuff is coming today, but it's getting easier. We're together after two years of being in different cities for grad school, and in the end that's what matters. Check in with me in a few months and I'll let you know how some of the battles went down!

My boyfriend and I moved in together three years ago and I think after two years we finally found a balance design-wise. He has super minimalist taste and loves white spaces, I tend to be drawn to bright colors, antique furniture and bold statement patterns. At first it was a bit of a struggle, but after learning to compromise (mostly on my part) what we've come up with works quite well. I've learned to edit myself, reduce clutter, not go overboard, he has learned to let me take risks - such as painting the living room "equator yellow" or buying a felt couch.

Everything! I have so much angst about it that I started a blog devoted to the subject: www.renovationwars.wordpress.com.

Great to read all the comments :-). My boyfriend of 4 years and I are moving in together starting this weekend and although he's willing to let me make most of the design decisions (expects it), he wants a big comfy recliner, UGH! But after some panic, I've decided to pick my battles and just ask that it at least coordinates in color with the couch. Here's hoping things work out well.