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I can never answer the surveys even though I have an account and can log in and comment.

That being said HELL to the NO. My in-laws are super right wing fundamentalist born-again Christian homophobic racists. Would NEVER happen.

wow. harsh survey.

I always relax on the couch watching TV with my family with my tie on. It makes for such a spontaneous, natural family photo.

In the White House? Or in a house as big as White House? Yes, sure especially if I am busy leading these United States in "this winter of our hardship." But otherwise no.

My home, my rules.

Shawn,
That was election night!

Yes - if the in-law is as cool as Marian Robinson...
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20253448,00.html

"She keeps her opinions to herself
Unlike some mothers-in-law, Robinson says she's conscious of not saying too much. "You try to get your kids not to think in the same way you did when you were coming along because you pass down – I call them 'your issues' – you pass down your issues and a lot of times, they don't apply to their time and their life. They will have their own issues; they don't need mine in their head."

(Shawn - I think the photo is from election night as the returns were coming in...no need to be so passive aggressive)

My in-laws? No, not even in the WH.

My parents? My grandmas? Sure!

If the other alternative were that my parents would live in a soulless nursing home or alone without proper care, then yes, I would. I owe them at least that much.

If it were really necessary, yes. Just because? Not really. My house is very small. I dont think anyone would be comfortable.

I get along with my inlaws very well though.

in a situation where your family is going through a major adjustment and having a grandparent in the house will help the kids while the parents are busy (very very busy) then sure. especially if its a big house.
i have a good friend whose mom is staying with them (actually next door in a house they own) while the friend starts back to work after maternity leave. she loves it. the baby isnt in daycare, and grandma gets bonding time.

but you are right- your house, your rules, and not just for the heck of it.

Maybe.

In my 1440 sq ft home NO.
In a larger place, 'specially the White House, YES.

Family is the most important thing we have. In America, families are breaking apart because we can't get along with each other. I don't have in-laws, but if I did, it would be very important that we got along well. If we had the room, definitely. If not, I'm not so sure.

I wonder how people feel about adding to their homes specifically to house the in-laws?

hell no. I would sooner give them my home and live in a car than live with my parents or in-laws.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooo. I can get along just fine with my family from 1,000 miles away. ;D

My mom turned 65 last year; now that she is aging (she's never taken great care of herself), it would make me feel alot better if she lived with me -- even though she can still drive me up the wall. I can only extend those same sentiments to my future in-laws.

I wouldn't want my in-laws or parents to move in just because, but for health or financial reasons, I have definitely changed my tune.

If they had no place else to go... but it would be a temporary situation.

My hunch is that Grandma Robinson will have her own private apartment/suite/living space in the White House, which sounds like an ideal arrangement to me!

No question, I'm actually expecting that when my parents get too old to live by themselves that they'll move in with me. I've always wanted to live multi-generationally, and I think that everyone learns to live more responsibly when you've got people of various ages to take into consideration. But then again, one of my first chapter books when I was a kid was "My War With Grandpa" so yeah - that's what I'm looking forward to, once I have kids.

I have great parents in-laws. If I had a big house- why not...

I adore my in-laws. My husband has said that if anything happened to one of them, we'd have the other live with us. I feel that it's a grown child's responsibility to take care of their parents when they get old.

It depends on the circumstance. Just because? No. Medical/Financial reasons beyond their control? Yes.

I may be the father of one of you who posted the above comment, and I'd like to remind you (since you won't open up your home to your in-laws) that there were times when your mother and I wished we hadn't "opened" our home to you, but of course there were so many more times that we've been grateful we did. -Dad

It you get free child-care out of it, sounds like a good idea! I get along fine with my mother-in-law, though she's pretty fussy, so I'm sure we'd butt heads occasionally.

My in-laws are selfish jerks and i'm amazed that my husband is actually of the same gene pool. never, ever, in a million years would i open my home to them. he has a psycho sister, i'll leave the gamekeeper position to her.

If I had a big enough house to have a mini-apartment included so they could get enough privacy - absolutely.

My husband grew up with his grandmother living in the house. It was a wonderful experience for him, while I'm sure it was at times taxing on his parents.

Well if I had to choose between a nanny or my mother-in-law I would choose the mother-in-law. The Secret Service are not babysitters and it's not a stranger taking care of the girls. Not to mention that the White House is big enough for all of them and the President and Michelle are not going to be around a whole lot. I think if they were able to live 10 minutes away from each other in Chicago they can live 45 seconds from each other in the White House.

My parents-in-law are dead. My sis-in-law (brother's wife) is welcome to move in any time she wants as long as she tolerates my cats.

My husband is Indian, and one point he made clear when we were dating was that part of his traditional culture is that parents can - and often do - live with their adult children. While his parents currently enjoy living on their own in India, we've always been open to the idea that they might eventually want (or need) to settle in with us. In fact, we bought our townhouse with an eye towards that eventual future - the walkout basement is a proper studio apartment with its own kitchen, full bath, etc. Currently we rent it out to help with the mortgage, but it'd make a nice in-law suite too.

My maternal grandmother lived with my family while I was growing up. It was great for us kids: extra love, attention and care. Depending on the house and family, it can be a great situation.

Thanks a bunch AT, you just gave me a panic attack. ;-P

Seriously. When my in-laws stop giving me unsolicited advice on religion, finances and quack herbal remedies, they're welcome to move in. Since I don't see that coming anytime soon, NO.

I could live *near* them. But I prefer them across town, where they are: we can see them regularly and be over fairly quickly if they need anything. But no drop-ins.

My grandmother lived with us when I was growing up - she helped take care of the three of us while our parents worked. So my own childhood memories are of a multi-generational family.

My in-laws are deceased, but if my parents would like to come live with us after they retire, I would love it. We would have to do some remodeling, perhaps, but family is family.

I actually tried to get my dad to move in with us; it still might happen.

My mother? NO WAY.

My in-laws? Sure, if we had rules about smoking (my mother-in-law). Although, my M-I-L scares me somewhat -- she can be very critical and judgmental, and created a crisis when our second child was born... hmm, I'm rethinking that one...

Mrs. Robinson sounds totally cool, and if she were a relative, she would be welcomed with open arms. (I am soooo jealous that they have her to help with the kids!!!).

It depends. Looking after someone who cannot feed themselves, use the toilet alone or clean themselves is exhausting, mentally and physically; usually, caregivers have to quit their jobs, so you also wind up impoverished, and ultimately sick from stress.

For those of you who've had kids: looking after a dependent adult takes as much energy as looking after a child under two. It's not a decision to be made lightly.

If your parent is still ambulatory and rational, and will not take all your time and energy to care for, then sure. Then all you have to deal with is conflict, which can be hairy but won't make you sick.

my mother in law has been known to be both passive-aggressive and mean but in the end if she needed to move in with us, of course I wouldn't say no. I know she'd do the same for us, and then we'd drive each other crazy, but so be it. That's family.

Yes. We'd need to find a place bigger than our current 800ft2. We'd all need to develop strategies for getting out of each other's hair regularly and biting our tongues. But in the process our daughter would gain extended contact with people who adore her and we (her parents and grandparents) would learn what we are capable of, in a good way, when we challenge our expectations of comfort and necessity.

I'd be thrilled to have my mother live with us, and while my mother-in-law can sometimes annoy and frustrate and sadden me with her conservative views on things, she is mostly delightful, and so I'd invite her to live with us, too. As for my father and my father-in-law, they're just both too difficult.

I couldn't pass on this one.... What I'm going to write will be very therapeutic for me. There is NO WAY I could live with my 'husband's mother' in the same city let alone in the same house. Even if the house was the White House...it wouldn't be BIG enough. I've put up with waaaayy too much crap from her to even think of the possibility. 23 years and counting. Good thing she has 4 kids. The other 3 can figure out what to do with her when she gets old.

On the other hand my husband would more than welcome my mother if she chose to live with us.

This is such a culturally influenced situation. Asian people often live with their parents for an extended time, or possibly all their lives. It's common for adult children to live with their elderly parents to care for them and for those parents to in turn help by babysitting or assisting with care of children. Very often, wives live with their in-laws (and yes, there are problems) if they have married the oldest son.

In Western cultures, parents want their kids out as soon as possible so they can start "living again" and those kids in turn do not want to live with their parents later when the parents are older. In general, kids are pushed out of the nest as early as possible and there is no sense of mutual cooperation throughout life.

While the Western situation fosters self-sufficiency and independence, it does little to endear offspring to elderly parents or in-laws. This is why adults don't want to live with in-laws or their own parents, but it's pretty much Western values rather than human values.

I'd have considered living with my in-laws if they had allowed my husband and I to live with them when we had no place to go, but we had to turn to his best friend's family who graciously took us into their home (which was located not 7 minutes from my in-laws home). My in-laws only concern was that they'd look bad for rejecting us when another family took us in, not for our well-being.

It's rather difficult to just say we'd care for them or take them in after that, particularly when they are upper middle class and live in a home worth over a million dollars in silicon valley. It's not like they couldn't have afforded to put us up for awhile. They were just too selfish to share their space with us. Fortunately, we now live in a different country from them so it would never be an issue.

I would let Pres. Obama's mother in law live in my house. I think she's a very cool lady!

But I don't have in laws of my own.

Yes! My parents and in-laws are super supportive and would be welcome to live with us if they needed to. My father did actually live with us for a year while we remodeled our house. Of course, he was our contractor/carpenter/designer and helped us fund a portion of the work, so....we really couldn't complain too much! It wasn't always fun, or easy, but I really value the time we all got to spend together.

To Shawn. It was clearly during election night. They were waiting for the results to come in (as someone previously mentionned). My mother in-law would probably drive me up the wall but I would rather that she live with us than have her live in a retirement home. She loves my son and I know that he would benefit from having her close by. Ideally it would be in a multi-generational home though!

Having one's grandparents so close is a wonderful part of family. Those girls will cherish this time and Michelle Obama understands this. It's very grounding for them.

I have always thought my mom would live in a studio apartment above the garage when she gets older. I have been told she is much cooler than me. I imagine her at 70 or 80 hanging out with friends, drinking beer and listening to Bob Marley and Neil Young. She would be fun to have around with some serious ground rules.
I live all the way across the country from my inlaws, so it is hard to imagine them moving in with us. I enjoy them, but seen them under 10 times. Hard to say what that situation would be like.

My husband and I keep telling our parents that we're going to buy a place in the country and then bring them over so they can help us raise our yet to be born children and enjoy life in France. They think we're joking, but we're sort of not.

While any time you add additional adults to a household (no matter how well they get along) you're going to have some tension and times of frustration, we both appreciate our parents and in-laws. They may give us unsolicited advice, commandeer the kitchen and household chores, rearrange our storage and question what how we do things, in the end we know that they adore us and mean the best. They also respect when we gently (but firmly and clearly) set boundaries. I guess we're lucky.

We're also both the oldest child and have pretty much always known that we'd likely be our parents' caretakers if/when the time comes. They've cared for us graciously as children and adults (we lived with his parents for a while when we were in the process of getting our French visas) and I can't imagine not reciprocating.

Actually my in-laws do live with us. For many Indian and Pakistani families, it is the norm. Personally, I was hoping that they wouldn't be living with us until a little later, when they're older. But that's not how it worked out. Sure, it's a struggle sometimes, because there's a lot of respect and precedents given to elders and a good son or daughter are supposed to consider their parents' needs above their own. On the other hand, its not as bad as it could have been. I think its taught me to be more giving and less selfish. But they are likely going to name our children when we have them, and I'm still having difficulty accepting that. It helps though that they are very considerate of us, and if they choose a name I don't like, I'm sure they'll come up with one I do like.

I would happily live with my in-laws, and have before. But it would be a better situation if the space was a shared one or if they were with us rather than us staying with us. Lets just say our design senses don't match. All this being said I don't think I could live with my own parents.

i ADORE my mother in law--she can move in any time she wants...her boyfriend, too. though our dog might have words with her cats.

so not extending same to family-of-origin, though....

My (former) father-in-law is impossible. He's in assisted living now, and that is absolutely the best thing for everybody.

My own father is living with his lady friend.

Both mothers are dead. But when they were alive, I never got along with my own mother and could only tolerate his in small doses.

If the situation was totally different and any of those parents depended on me and him to survive, then I would be more or less obliged to accept them. But that is not and never was the case, so in a way, I'm lucky to not need to worry about the eventuality. (On the other hand, in essence, I have almost no family.) (Which doesn't bother me, but I'm sure would bother many other people.)

My MIL? Absolutely NOT... she was one of the most toxic, dishonest, passive-aggressive people I have ever met. I tried my heart out to win her over for many years (after all, she's somehow the mother of my wonderful husband), even though she resented me for stealing away her baby boy. When we lost our first baby, she could no longer contain her hatred for me. Suffice to say, after that we severely limited the time we'd spend with her- but we still maintained some contact, out of obligation. She may have been his mother, but there are limits to the amount of abuse anyone should be asked to tolerate.

When it became apparent that she could no longer live on her own, I spent countless hours trying to find an assisted living situation for her halfway between us and her sister- who had the room to take her in but somehow expected us to. Um, I was very pregnant, had a 2yo, and would have needed to move to a bigger house for MIL to have her own room. Oh yeah, and she hated me. There was no way in Hell that we were going to let her stay with us, even if we did have the room!

I could let my folks live with us with some ground rules... and lots of privacy for both parties! Definitely separate living quarters would be needed, LOL. I know my kids would LOVE to have their grandparents close by, and since we get along better now that we're all older, I'd enjoy it as well. The idea has been put out there, we'll see in the coming years what comes of it.

I like my future in-laws, and my boyfriend likes my family. I think it would be great to have a "compound" with the family in different houses, or different apartments in a house, with a communal dining and social area. Especially if it's where the boy's parents live now, in Mililani, Hawai'i. :)

Marco -- comparing having your own children living in your house and inviting your in-laws to live with you is absurd. Usually children (read: children who are under the age of 18 or so, the age at which many of them leave their parents' house) don't give you parenting advice, try to force their beliefs on you, ask personal questions about your sex life, attempt to convert you to a different religion, etc.

Unless there were very interesting circumstances and very VERY separate living quarters, my answer would be no to the in-laws.

I'd invite my parents to live with me, but not my in-laws.

I'm pretty sure he feels the same way... his parents are a little too uptight for either of us. My parents are a lot more liberal, and also a lot more likely to do favours.

It all depends on which in-laws. My mother-in-law could stay here, probably even my sister-in-law....but my father-in-law and brother-in-law, no way.