Even though my hubby & i have been married for over 20 yrs this is STILL an issue occasionally.
I love the To-Do list.
I think I'll try a chalk board inside of a cupboard door! thx for the inspiration :)

I cook, he does the dishes. Perfect harmony.

We clean every Saturday morning. It works great, we don't have to think about it all week, and then we just have to do it. Period. If something else is happening, that's cool, we move it to some other time Friday or Sunday. But it has to get done. It only takes about 1 hour between the two of us, since we do it weekly and keep tidy during the week. And yeah, he will NOT clean bathrooms and I will NOT vacuum and it's all good.

But it took us a looooooong time to get to that routine.

I like the last suggestion - it'd work a treat with most couples I know:

Wife: Honey, could you clean the toilet?
Husband: Aw babe, I'm really tired. I'll do it later.
Wife: Okay. Hey, here's an idea; let's set aside Friday night for a champagne disco cleaning party!
Husband: Pass me the bleach.

Fun ideas, esp. for those of us who have problems staying motivated. Domestic God & Goddesses we are NOT!

I think the division of labour has so much to do with the vibe between a couple. With my current boyfriend (we have lived together now for over three years) the division of labour is equal and we easily do the jobs the other one hates to do (I don't clean toilets or take out the rubbish, he doesn't make the bed or sweep). In general we have the same feelings toward cleaning as well - neither of us like to do it, but both grudgingly agree it needs to get done. It helps that neither of us is a clean freak or a total slob.

But what I really think this is down to is a mutual respect and care we have for each other. My ex-boyfriend literally did nothing around the house and while our arguments frequently revolved around this, I really think they were the symptom of a greater problem, which was the feeling that there was an inherent inequality in the relationship and a deep malaise between us. His refusal to do the chores was just the outer sign of our inner problems.

I'm not married but my housemate and I have fallen into good routine. I get home an hour earlier than her so I normally have a whizz round and neaten things up. I probably do the lions share of the housework but she deals with all the bills and does the more practical stuff - I have no idea how to change a fuse, or even how to right the fuse box when a light blows. She doesn't even mind cleaning the filter on the dishwasher - my least fave job! It's probably not evenly shared but we play to our strengths and it works for us.

My boyfriend and I just got an apartment together. We're actually in the process of moving in as we speak. I got little chalk board stickers to place on the wall from Crate and Barrel for the same very reason, to do lists and etc. I need to make a list otherwise I'd end up doing the full share of housework. I'm still trying to get him to help out without having to remind him or treat him like a child. Asking him to help me move our things is like pulling teeth. I ended up building most of the furniture last night while he mooped around his old apartment he lived in for the past 7 years..not to say that I'm insensitive but I figure get all the tough work out then relax and reminisce sit in your old apartment.

After six years of living together, I had to sit down with my husband and have a conversation about his attitude while doing routine chores. It wasn't easy, but I was exhausted by having to ask him to "help" in his own house, then hear him sigh sadly over and over while emptying the dishwasher. We talked about the fact that it is his house, too, and if he wasn't taking any pleasure in keeping it up, he needed to do something-- buy something he liked, rearrange, hang some art, a little project, whatever-- to make it feel like "his." I did my best not to be judgemental, and it actually worked very well. He realized that going into a deep funk over laundry was not good for either of us, and now he is much more spontaneous in his cleaning and takes a lot more ownership in how things are done. I love it!!! Sometimes it's the way we approach chores that makes them so odious. You have to keep that vision of your own beautiful home in your mind while you scrub. :)

And if there are things that both of you hate, seriously consider hiring someone to do it. It may be worth cutting things from your expenses in other areas to take out the frustration and friction.

I recently read Equally Shared Parenting and while it's focused on 'parenting' it's really about LIFE, so many approaches could be applied to life w/o kids.

http://equallysharedparenting.com/

My husband and I each do a 10 min tidy every day. It doesn't matter what we each pick and the other person can't say "well you should have done x". It can be anything from reorganizing the tupperware drawer to cleaning a couple toilets to vacuuming one room. It's amazing how much you can get done in that ten minutes (it's actually a fun little challenge!) Then on Saturday mornings we will tackle the bigger stuff - washing the floors, laundry etc. It makes the stuff we do on Saturdays not take up the entire day.

Also - (not part of the 10 min tidy) whoever cooks doesn't have to do the dishes that night. It works out well because I hate cooking and he hates doing dishes!

what if youre the one that works outside of the home (full time 45-50 hrs a week) and your husband stays home to take care of the kid(s)? what if you are also the handy one (as in the handywoman and tech savvy one) and takes care of most everything else (bills, appointments,etc)...how do you divide the labor then? because let me tell you my husband thinks & feels that he does a lot (and he does) but the house is still a mess! so i am left to clean on the weekends when i would rather choose to relax a little..and dont tell me to lower my standards because they are in fact way low already!

but youre right, i should hug my husband more.

7+ years in and we're still struggling with this.

Correction: I am struggling with this. My husband is living blissfully in squalor.

When we first moved in together we made a deal. I would handle dishes and laundry. He would handle cooking and bathrooms. The rest would sort itself out.

I have done the laundry every Sunday for seven years.

Other than that we have failed in our attempt at peaceful division of labor, but it has gotten easier.

I really like that last idea of making it a date. Ha ha! I'll see if I can't arrange such a "date day" in my home.

I work full time Monday to Friday. My partner attends college 2 days a week. I do all the laundry, the majority of the cooking, the bathroom, the hoovering.

He mow the lawn the majority of the time. He occasionally puts the bins out, and will do the washing up if it has mounted up and there are no clean dishes, with much moaning and groaning.

He sometimes feeds the dog, but since being on holiday for the summer, he's not done it once in 3 weeks.

Something has gotta give

I live alone, so I don't have anyone to share with. I have a friend whose boyfriend I'm sure doesn't do any chores, and I'm like WHAT?

Jojomodjo, you will most likely explode some day soon if you don't stop this nonsense in its tracks (and no, myself and my boyfriend do not live in blissful harmony on this), but I am just beginning to realise that if you keep doing a chore for somebody else (whether that be a child/partner/spouse/housemate) that chore will cease to exist in the mind of the other person. You are going to have to let a mountain of laundry develop (have your own reserve of clean clothes ready!), leave the hoover where he will trip over it, let the bins get really really full and stinky, let the bathroom get absolutely disgusting etc. DO NOT GIVE IN! He will eventually notice and do something. I would hope.
Or, propose two weeks of living each way (first as just mentioned, then as you would like things to be - shared chores)... see which one he prefers???