It's like present-present-present ping pong around here in December. My oldest is a Christmas baby, so we end up with Solstice with relatives, Christmas, her birthday, and then her birthday party. I should be (and am) grateful that at least our relatives and close friends don't go bonkers with their gifts, but gratitude is hard to instill when more gifts are showing up tomorrow. Apart from leaving the country for the month of December (which we've done, and it works great!) I don't know what to do this year to tone down that hectic raining-presents vibe.

For my son at Christmas we do four presents -- want, need, wear, read. Then Santa brings about three. Fortunately my in-laws are good about only giving a couple gifts and ask what we would like him to get (usually we use an Amazon wishlist). Typically we give one "bigger" gift like a play kitchen or a bike and then everything else is much smaller.

I was in line at a store the other day and heard a freshman college student telling her dad that she needed (name brand) winter boots, (name brand) rain boots, (name brand) winter coat for Christmas, and those were her NEEDS, not including her wants, which she then listed (including a new laptop). Just the "needs" totaled over $400 in my calculation.

I agree that children have come to expect too much at Christmas. As a teacher I worked with children who often didn't get much (and typically if they did it was from an Angel Tree program), so they were thrilled with three gifts and some new clothes. There were others in the class who got new games systems and bikes and whatnot, so it could quickly become a situation of haves and have-nots. I made sure that holidays were discussed in terms of traditions and whatnot, rather than "what did you get?"

We have a big, generous extended family so it is hard to deal with all of the gifts sometimes. We have one daughter age 5 and this is what we have done.

1) We have created a tradition of a Christmas season that starts on December 1. We focus on family stuff -- making cookies, buying toys for a local charity, making ornaments, going out to look at lights, taking funny holiday pictures, shoveling snow and making snow angels etc... And we talk about how all of those things are 'Christmas', so it's not just about gifts.

2) Our daughter picks out or makes a small gift for everyone in the family -- aunts, uncles, cousins -- so she learns about gift giving as well as receiving. She's done this since she was 3. She puts a lot of thought into what each person would like -- trail mix for grandpa, coco puffs for her cousin etc... When we open gifts she is very excited to have everyone open the ones from her, so it's not just about what she gets.

3) Santa brings her one small present. Last year it was a book she wanted. We wanted her to feel a sense of gratitude to us for her presents, rather than simply getting a big haul of presents from some magical figure. We told her that Santa only brings her one present because he knows that mommy and daddy will get her other presents.

4) We write thank you letters to family for the presents.

It's hard, but I think we've made Christmas more special for all of this way.

Want, need, wear, read (plus a couple from Santa). I love it!

Every year I say I am going to spend less on our immediate family (2 kids), our family an friends and I always spend more. Every year also varies for our family but usually one bigger gift - last year bikes I got great deals on Black Friday - and then a few other smaller gifts.

Children in my family generally get two gifts from me: one really fun, frivolous toy and one educational item they probably didn't want, but would benefit from, like a book or a kit or something. It's a bonus if they find educational things fun, but a lot of kids don't, and I don't think it's a good idea to just insist they get only educational things.

Were still finding that balance. I think both would be greatly effective. Giving a few gifts and teaching kids to be greatful. While our kids are almost 5 and almost 3 (jan and feb) they are loving Christmas and all the magic that goes along with it.

Looking at others green grass and the complaints that friends and family buy too much I have to stop myself from telling them how lucky they are. Receiving toys and clothes by the bucket loads. While my parents do some its on the lower end because we have a large family. My mil passed away so its rare that we are worried about too much or over doing. Its a blessing and one that needs to be apperciated by every family member not just kids.

I come from a family where Christmas was never a big event. On the flipside, for my husband it's huge and since we will have a couple of months old baby and both sets of grandparents with us this year, I expect he will go a bit overboard.

We have already agreed that once the little one's a bit more aware of what Christmas is all about, we will teach him the meaning behind it and keep ourselves disciplined regarding the volume of presents, and will have a list for the rest of the family to pick from.

I will have to steal the want/need/wear/read though :)

This is such a lovely way to celebrate. I like your point about one gift from Santa. We always considered that, but instead we chose to give our children gifts we made such as a dollhouse, stick horses and board games. Santa brings the store stuff. Now that we have a new little one, I think we go a little simpler. Our children also make gifts for one another too.

Jamieson, I love it!

I went overboard with the presents the first Christmas I had two children. It was awful. Neither one was really interested in opening so many presents and it made the day stressful.

We scaled way back the next year (luckily they were still really young and didn't care/notice). We did the something want/need/wear/read for a while but now that they're older (12 and 9), we don't do that so much.

I do think the key is to make sure your children are grateful for what they receive instead of expectant of bigger and better every year. We focus more on family traditions now like cinnamon rolls for breakfast using my best china, christmas presents opened on christmas eve (always new pajamas), and adopting airmen who can't make it home for the holidays.

yes, our kids do expect too much for christmas, just wait until your baby is in middle school, and has their gifts to compare against their peers - iproducts galore. But please take my advice and dont sweat the first xmas, I hate to spoil the surprise by telling you that the only part of xmas morning your baby will be interested in are the shiny wrappings of one or two gifts tops.

I'm visiting my family this summer. There are a lot of new kids now and I've attended a few birthday celebrations. The amount of gifts these kids get is crazy! I'm definitely leaning towards a more minimalist/experience based lifestyle and I've refused to fall into the trap of giving these kids more crap that they will eventually outgrow and forget. Instead, I've been taking the older kids out to do things. One will never forget our four hour round trip excursion to a neighbouring city to have sushi for lunch and then tour a museum. Another is very excited that we're going to see a movie this week and that I will even allow him to get popcorn. A year from now, when I am far away, I bet they will remember those gifts more than the toys they got from others.

I'm so glad do thank you notes -- so often that's a forgotten item.

We're still more than a year away from our first Christmas with a kid (we'll have a 11 month old for next Christmas, we have a little girl end of January) but I've been thinking about this. I was an only child and my birthday was Dec 28th, so Christmas time was always presents galore. I know my husband's family will be reasonable about gifts (this is the third grandchild on that side), but I'm a bit concerned about my parents since this will be their first (and unless/until we have a second, their only) grandchild.

I love the idea of need/want/wear/read, at least for little ones. I think that might especially help since she'll have a birthday about a month after Christmas. When I was a kid, Santa always brought two gifts, usually a large gift (that my parents wanted to avoid wrapping, lol!) like a sled, sleeping bag, etc and one smaller gift that I had specifically asked for (Santa brought my first Barbie, for example). I like that idea and think I will keep it going.

I have been talking to my husband about this too since this will be our first Christmas with our baby. I love the want/need/wear/read idea and had planned to give our children pajamas and a book to open every year on Christmas Eve. The experiences (lights, cookies, snowmen, classic movies...yay!) are what I look forward to the most and hopefully my little one will share that joy -- I am worried about when she starts school and has to deal with peer pressure, but will enjoy the innocent years until then. And there's no doubt in my mind that she'll be more interested this year in the wrapping and boxes than the actual presents.

A friend of mine made an agreement with her son when he was fairly young (but old enough to get it - about 8) that he would only get a couple of presents at Christmas -- but that from the day after Christmas until New Year's, they'd take a trip together. He has helped choose the destinations and figure out the year-long budgeting for it. Now he's a senior in high school, has a ton of great memories and experiences tied up in his holidays, and a realistic idea of how to budget for more expensive things he really wants. I thought that was pretty awesome.

When I was growing up, Christmas was a fairly big thing. We usually did one set of dinner and presents at our house, then the next day we'd do it again at my grandma's with the whole family. My grandma and one of my aunts always went big on the little gifts that nobody really wanted. The same aunt consistently failed to understand what I wanted. I remember a year when all my siblings and cousins got Borders gift cards, and she excitedly presented me with a large leather horse that didn't balance very well. I was not too excited.

I definitely like the idea of focusing on how grateful kids (and adults) are rather than just getting them more stuff. That's better for the giver, too!

When I was growing up, Christmas was a fairly big thing. We usually did one set of dinner and presents at our house, then the next day we'd do it again at my grandma's with the whole family. My grandma and one of my aunts always went big on the little gifts that nobody really wanted. The same aunt consistently failed to understand what I wanted. I remember a year when all my siblings and cousins got Borders gift cards, and she excitedly presented me with a large leather horse that didn't balance very well. I was not too excited.

I definitely like the idea of focusing on how grateful kids (and adults) are rather than just getting them more stuff. That's better for the giver, too!

One only has to witness the Saturn-sized meltdown that spoiled kids have when a real crisis comes along like they lose power or even have to wait in long lines to know that many children aren't being taught to be grateful for what they have. I feel lucky that I grew up poor; 4 or 5 nice gifts during the holidays were cherished for a lifetime.

Of course they do! I have seen children with an entire room of presents, with parents spending literally HUNDREDS of dollars on them. It is ridiculous!

It's more obscene considering the purpose of Christmas has nothing to do with gifts in the first place, but rather acknowledging and celebrating the incarnation of God in Christ! (I'd bet children today don't even know that!)

As my child is still very young--almost 2--I am just trying to live my example, she is such a sponge and copy cat it's kinda intimidating but a great opportunity. So I am not asking for anything, as I have everything I need. If someone wants to buy me a gift, I will be grateful for it--and send a thank you note. My MIL likes to "take orders" but I have simply stated that there is nothing I want. (Of course she now thinks I don't like her. It's been 16 years...sheesh!) (oh, and I know many readers on AT like to be given ideas for gifts but I'm of the mindset that if you're close enough to someone to want to give them a gift for bday/holiday you should be able to figure it out on your own. Gifts for new babies, weddings is all about need so registries make sense)

Prior to Christmas, we talk very little about what the kids want, and more about what they would like to give. Then they spend a lot of time considering what their sibling, parents, aunts/uncles/grandparents might want. They make most of their gifts, too, and we'd like them to give a gift to anybody from whom they expect to receive a gift. So they do a decent amount of work and have some pride in the process of giving.

They're only 2 and 4 now, but so far it's working fairly well and they get almost as excited about the planning for gift giving as they do about the gift receiving.

We, as a family, have opted to spend less to spend on gifts and instead we save up and get a "holiday house". We rent a small place (within a few hours drive) for a few days and get away as a family. My husband, who works really long hours at a stressful jobs, then gets to spend real quality time with all the kids. We bring board games, legos, cards... Instead of exchanging gifts with all our friends and extended family - the house is open for some eat, drink and be merry time. It is a really nice time that we all have come to look forward to. As for gifts, the kids get a few NEED items and one WANT item from Santa.

We have started doing the same for brithdays too - instead of gifts - the kids can pick a "fun day". Like sliding and a winter picnic, or a day at the river for swimming.

My family always opened one gift at a time. It was very slow, but everything was admired, discussed, and passed around. And slowness isn't really that big of a deal on Christmas day, is it?

The first time I spent Christmas away from home I was floored when presents were handed out five at a time and I didn't get to see what everyone else got. The whole thing was over in 30 minutes. I'm married now and my wonderful in-laws have welcomed my folks into their Christmas celebration so no one has to be split up. Last year I kind of muscled my way forward and made my dad "Santa" (it's a tradition I've seen in near every place I've been) knowing he'd set a very slow tempo of gift giving. My SIL was fidgety at first with it, but settled in after her grandmother got something very cool and we all oooed and awed. I think it's caught on.

The idea of fun events is a good one - I've attended Audubon Society's Winter Solstice events and kids absolutely love it because you're around a fire at night in the woods. Spooky and fun!

I really like that concept of giving gifts that will be appreciated. I definitely take that to heart when I'm shopping.

We always do a few standard gifts - new pajamas, a book, mittens, etc. And then there's the one "big" gift from parents - often a fun new toy, game, or electronic something-or-other. Santa gives one gift to everyone (including mom and dad), which also falls into the "wants" category. We find that doing one bigger gift is a fun way to give that new set of skis (or whatever) we were probably going to have to get anyway, but making it a fun experience, instead of buying skis in October, and then something else in December.

Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: Because Christmas can get insanely crazy around our parts, we have started a tradition that after every major holiday/birthday, we do a donation to charity of older toys and past loved items.This teaches our kids that our home isn't a franchise of Toys R Us and more importantly that giving is just as exciting as receiving. That and now that they're older we set a budget limit and stick to it.

I do relate to the parents of older tweens and the present comparisons with their peers is out of control. Our 11 year old neighbour has an iPhone. Eleven year old. And she isn't happy with it b/c it's not the latest model that her classmates have. I mean seriously?

I do think children expect too much but who's to blame if not the parents, family and friends?? You would need to set limits as in Want, need, wear, read!! That's just brilliant.
I also love the post of the little one who makes all her gifts. I would love a bag of trailmix put together by anyone but especially a wee little one. I would think her gifts are the ones everyone is most excited to open.

"Want, need, wear, read (plus a couple from Santa)"

Yes! A great idea.

As a woman whose children are now 24 and 19, I can tell you that MOST of what kids get for Christmas (etc.) will be unplayed with, neglected, thrown away or stashed in the basement.

And the more they have, the less they appreciate.

I know it's hard to resist the gift urge. But try, try and try again. At the very least, you'll contribute less to the carbon footprint and landfills. At most, you'll raise less consumer-oriented children. That's all a good thing.

@ PineTree that is the right attitude to teach them. I would want the same thing for my kids.

When I was little that was pretty much how we did it as well, however, as my brothers got married and had their own kids, the amount of gifts became so much for the kids, that they lost track of what was really important.

I make it a point of buying or making my nieces and nephew gifts of something I know they would actually like. Last Christmas I felt somewhat proud, maybe I shouldn't have, but when my twin 4 year old nieces, opened my present, and had to be begged to open the rest of their gifts, but then when they were done went back to playing with mine.. it made me feel good. I got something for them that would create memories, not something to just casually toss aside when they are done with it.

I know how you feel though, I have seen children (actually their parents) take back presents that wasn't the right 'brand' name, or even put them away somewhere so that the kid forgets about it, because its not quite 'their style.'

Now, with my family spread out across the globe, I cherish the moments we have spent together in the past, and really enjoy the times we are able to be together. You never know when it might be the last, and the gifts I receive are not near as important to me as their presence.

I don't have children yet, but I heard this idea from my aunt and thought it was fabulous. She said a former co-worker of hers would give her children only 3 gifts because "that is what Jesus got...and after all...it's His birthday." They would shift the focus of gift giving from the holidays to their birthday. Whether or not they went all out on their birthdays' I have no idea, but I thought it was a nice way to shift the commercialism of Christmas to one with lots of traditions and memories instead of things.

I've been thinking a lot about this for this year. I have a 3.5 year old and he's the only grandkid, plus the only kid in my circle of friends. He gets stuff year round from everyone, just because it's fun to give him things. But, it's starting have an effect and I don't like where it's going. I've had several discussions with family and friends about it and it's starting to sink in, thank goodness.
I like the 1 big Santa gift idea plus the Want, Need, Wear, Read. We already do the PJ and book thing on Xmas eve. I'm trying to get my parents and siblings to agree to do one gift to him apiece. Instead of an Advent calendar of chocolate or small toys, we're doing an activity Advent calendar this year, with things like "Take a silly picture in our Santa hats" "Go ice skating" "Go out for hot chocolate in our PJs" as options.

To add to the situation, his father and his father's family (who are absent most of the year) tend to show up during the holiday and inundate him with loads of toys. I can't control what they do, but I can focus on memories and activities rather than Stuff when he's with me.

Wow, honestly, one/two presents from us and one present from her Grandparents. I think that is plenty! I never had more than one present at a time when I was a kid (and my parents were relatively well to do) but when I did it was such a big deal to me. I'm planning to bring up my daughter also like that.

Something we're also doing is prepare a gift box for children who are not as lucky as her. She's too young to understand at two but hopefully through the years this will teach her that she has a lot of privileges that should not be taken for granted.

I was thinking about this today. It's exacerbated by so many of the cheap, plasticky toys on offer, with the main aim of owning as many of them as you can. This afternoon I I did a round up of really gorgeous gifts for children which are good value, and more importantly, will give them huge amounts of play time, rather than being tossed to one side after ten minutes. Plus lots of them can be enjoyed together to give more family time http://homefluffyhome.blog.com/2012/11/05/rockett-round-up-adorable-gifts-for-children/

@jackied302 - I hear you about appreciating "too much", and how those people are indeed lucky. However, my mother-in-law falls in the category of giving what I always considered "too much" (I grew up in a family that gave much smaller, must less expensive, and often handmade gifts - all very appreciated, and we were always grateful for the thoughtfulness put into choosing the gift), and not in a lucky or good way... In the past decade, she gave a lot to her son and I, and when we had children, it only got "bigger and better" for everyone. We tried (unsuccessfully) to tactfully encourage focusing less on presents and more on intangible things. At first I chalked it up to her being a first-time grandmother, but then my husband and I realized that the months following Christmas were terrible. She couldn't pay her bills, she'd call us from the gas station asking if we could come pay for her gas because she hadn't gotten paid yet, and was asking for small loans that were difficult for us to provide, as well as making our relationship rather uncomfortable. Christmas was a financial distaster for her. Her gift-giving was more of an obsession with shopping and consumerism than it was giving thoughtful gifts. It actually hurt her and her family, so much so that my husband's parents are now divorced and the family is in shambles. I am wary just thinking about what this Christmas might bring... While I know this scenario is highly unlikely to be experienced by most of the readers here, I do want to point out that gifting needs to be realistic - by both the giver and the receiver. We try very hard to instill the spirit of the holiday in our children, and enjoy that twinkle in their eye. But watching my mil shop first out of excitement, then obsession about making sure her grandkids had "nothing but the best" and were amazed by an elaborate Christmas, has really taken a lot of fun out of this holiday, and has presented a huge challenge in teaching our kids to be grateful.

ANYway...done ranting. In our attempts to divert attention away from her antics, we have found that helping others (whether or not the help was solicited), making homemade gifts, participating in the Angel Tree, and writing thank-yous help with making sure our kids experience gratefulness. Our local Girl Scouts also host a Santa's Village day where the children can go in the "elf workshop" to "shop" for their parents and siblings. All items are donated by community members, and the prices are very similar to yard sale prices (or less!). The Girl Scouts help the very small children pick out a gift and wrap it, and then it's a fun surprise for Christmas. My oldest son loves this chance to find something for his family, and can't wait for us to open our gifts. We got even Halloween decor one year because he knew I liked Halloween...and I loved it! ;)

Last year we decided to have a minimal gift christmas, only 2 gifts apiece. My kids (age 13 and 16) seemed to prefer this. With diminished expectations, the day emphasized being together and doing things. Much happier!

When I was a kid, we had very little money but we always had great holidays. We almost NEVER got toys any time other than Christmas or our Birthday so it was a HUGE deal. We would get one thing we really wanted (Bike, Cabbage Patch Kid, etc...) then other items that we needed like pajamas or clothes. My Mom also went out of her way to fill our stockings with fun little inexpensive items. Most of the big-ticket items came from Santa, and were wrapped in Santa paper. It never occured to me to wonder why my parents weren't providing the big gifts.

It seems like kids now get things they want all year long... what is the real excitement in getting more?

I think we also have to restrain ourselves when it comes to buying for our kids. Before my 2yo came along I was a frequent criticiser of.the amount of stuff my nephews got. I find myself wanting to buy all sorts of things for my son, but have to learn to be moderate. It's so easy to go overboard.
In our family we have a secret Santa where we used to buy joke presents and hand them round. We now do the same except the presents come from a charity shop and usually end up back there. It's always the highlight of Xmas.

We are overseas from family so that limits the amount of big/cheap presents our kids get. I am a bit of a admitted control freak, as I like to research and carefully think about what would be the best thing to get for them. I prefer them to be able to get the most out of their presents without being overwhelmed.

This year my eldest (4) is going to get playmobil for the first time and I have picked out two biggish playsets for her, other than that she will get a couple of games for us to play with her and in her stocking craft stuff, a book, candy, stickers.

I would much rather she got a couple of good quality toys than 10 cheap, gimmicky ones - however she is not really old enough to be influenced by peers yet so I am sure that phase will come.

The baby is only 6 months by Christmas so will not get much just a token gift or two and some clothes.

I also do a Christmas Eve "Hamper" with new pjs, hot chocolate mix, popcorn, bath bomb and a new DVD.

@NDprairiegirl
My mother-in-law is a little bit like that. One year she borrowed money from us so she could buy us Christmas presents. I have unsuccessfully tried to tell her that I would rather have her not go into debt than buy me gifts.
Last year, we decided to do a Secret Santa which everybody was happy about except for her. She went out and bought gifts for everybody anyway, making everybody else very uncomfortable. To her, Christmas is not Christmas if the living room floor isn't covered in wrapping paper and boxes after a frenzy of opening presents. I have given up on trying to convince her that we are all adults and don't need this and it really isn't about the gifts - I just hope she never goes as far as your mother-in-law did!
We'll see what this year brings.... I love Christmas but her gifts and expectations make me apprehensive and uncomfortable.
My Mom used to tell me that if I wasn't able to answer the question "What did you get for Christmas?" I had gotten too much, so I grew up with the polar opposite.....

My parents are well-to-do and love to give gifts. My 12 year old sister receives an egregious amount of presents around the holidays. She gets more than just a basket of chocolate for Easter. Though she is a baby (14 year age gap between us) and she seems grateful, I don't think it's healthy.

My future children will receive about a dozen gifts total (a few from the parents, several from Santa) and will need to gift at least half the number of gifts they receive to a less fortunate family (he/she gets 12, we buy 6-12 more for a stranger). I want them to know that substance and love are more important than some flashy 'thing'. I may or may not be the first to give my parents grandkids, but I'll definitely need to lay down some ground rules for gift-giving when the time comes.

I spend very little on my own kids for Christmas; one year, I went a little crazy at a consignment sale and my kid had a dozen gifts to open but I think the total was under $20. I don't know if I'm setting him up to expect a big pile of presents, but I did it again this year. :) The biggest "problem" is the sheer number of family and friends who buy my kids gifts, and the number each person gives them. It's overwhelming, especially when some gifts are HUGE and we have no storage space for them.

Having grown up in a family that gave tons of Christmas gifts, it was a wake-up call for me when I "only" received a couple of gifts one year (as an adult)...and I was disappointed! I do not want my kids to grow up that way.

We put the focus on giving as much as possible (i.e., filling a box of small items for a needy child overseas, donating to a coat drive, putting coins in red kettles, thinking about what Grandma & Grandpa might like for Christmas, etc.). We also practice what you're supposed to say when anyone gives you anything ("thank you!" and not "are there any more presents?" - which happened once and was quite embarassing!).

On the flip side, I have had the same argument with my mother about gift givige since I was a teenager, and that is that I would rather receive one expensive item or gift certificates to stores that I like than several small items. I will not be disappointed with one gift or gift certificates, I don't need to have a lot to open. I would just like to receive gifts that I'll appreciate. So if people find their children are not being grateful, maybe they need to figure out if they are giving their children gifts they actually want.

I forgot to mention above something I've been meaning to ask my mom about - she's kept a LOT of my childhood items (as in, most everything I ever had as a kid) including awesome stuff like Legos, Lincoln Logs, dress up clothes, books, classic kids games, almost new stuffed animals, etc. I'd like her to use some of these items in the future as Christmas/birthday/other times of year gifts. This will be good since she won't be spending extra money and my daughter will (hopefully) appreciate that not every toy needs to be bright and new and shiney to be fun and appreciated. I wish my mom hadn't kept so many of my things (especially since now I'm already dealing with having to discard some not-so-awesome-28-years-later items from my babyhood that my mother still loves), but since she did at least we can put them to use!

We have a very small Christmas, the big morning surprise is that Santa brings a stack of books for each kid. Then we do stockings and a few gifts from relatives. My feeling is that if a kid needs a new bike (we are big bike riders) then waiting until Christmas doesn't do anything except promote a sense of entitlement around the holidays. We buy what they need when they need it and treat Christmas as a big baking-entertaining-decorating-charitable work event.

This has worked for us mostly because the extended family is on board, too. One year my daughter did ask Santa for a microscope and we all chipped in for one because it was such a great request and could be used by so many of the other kids. Usually they don't even ask for anything because that's just not how it works for us. My oldest daughter is 14 and it has never been a problem.

Also - the best way to make gifts magical for a kid is to be truly thoughtful in choosing them. That way quantity isn't an issue, just a few things that are really spot-on. I think it's a losing battle to force a kid to be grateful for getting a gift they just aren't excited about. Better to just say thank you and be happy to pass it on to someone who might enjoy it more.

I recently re-read "Little House in the BIg Woods" for a paper I was writing for a Children's Literature class and in this first book in the "Little House" series, I remember Laura and Mary received I think, a stick of candy each and Laura got a "real" doll finally because she had been playing with a corn cob wrapped in a towel and was pretending it was her baby. Now maybe that is TOO spare nowadays but I recently went to a kids birthday party and he was just tearing through the stacks of presents and seemed unsatisfied with practically every one. At the end, there was a mountain of paper and ribbon and he looked like "That's it?" It was kind of unsettling to be honest. I like the idea of making donations a part of the tradition as others had said and slowing things down. It just seems that at an early age kids are expecting too much and then- GETTING too much.

We do one you need and one you want, though wear and read are good enough ideas to make the permanent cut! Santa brings one or two toys and a stocking full of goodness and that's it. Our families think it's because we are without significant means (which is true) but it's actually about not raising a Dudley Dursley. Anything extra we have goes into homemade gifts for the extended family. Little Bit makes all his gifts and so do we. The only one in the family that doesn't appreciate them is my littlest sister, who was raised far apart and much differently than me.

I've slowly become a scrooge over the years. My family has an arms-race mentality of buying gifts: just throw some larger-amount-than-you-should money at the 'problem' to take care of it. My brother has taken to calling me a day or two before to ask what he should buy online, which he then overnights across the country. Whereas I don't have as much money so I try to take care to choose gifts thoughtfully, which requires months of planning ahead of time. At this point, I'd rather just call the whole gift thing off and hang out and share good food.

My granddaughter is very lucky. Her other grandparents are wealthy and extravagant. I live modestly and think creatively. She gets the best from all of us. She is always surprised, and is always pleased and grateful, so I guess we are doing ok.

Our baby will be about a month and a half old this Xmas. We're not getting her a single thing, and might not until she's old enough to know the meaningfulness behind the gifts. We have too many relatives, all within a few miles, who will see to it that she doesn't go without. :) I'm definitely heartened to know, though, that a lot of these gifts she'll be receiving a homemade. In the meanwhile, my husband and I can give a romantic gift or two to each other by the Xmas tree. :)

Some nice ideas in the comments. Would be nice if we could all retire the 'youth today' sentiments, though.

@lsteffen. I love that! My LO will only be 10 months this Xmas, but definitely keeping this in mind for the future.

Children only expect too much if you've trained them to expect to much by buying them everything they want and succumbing to their every whim. It usually only takes one lesson for kids to figure out they can't always get what you want.

We have a rule in our family where only one present gets opened at a time. You have to be polite, wait your turn, and watch as others open and enjoy the gifts they've received. It really slows down the process and stops it from being a free-for-all about how much stuff you get and instead focuses it more on the actual giving and receiving.

When we were kids (and still now, actually!) my parents set a limit as to how much they would spend on gifts. This was a good way of teaching us how to budget that money: do you ask for several smaller things or one big thing? There couldn't be any jealousy on Christmas morning because even if you'd received fewer presents than your siblings, you knew it was because you made the choice to ask for something more expensive.

There's no gift-giving amongst extended family, which I also think helps a lot. We get together for the holidays, but it's so much easier not to have to pick out gifts for relatives you see once a year.

As a single parent, I struggle with this every year...wanting to make up for what I feel like my child doesn't have in other ways. But I've come to learn that in all things balance is key, so he gets three gifts--along the lines of what others mentioned--one from mom, one from Santa, one from Baby Jesus. When funds are available, we may get a family gift like a new computer or something we both can enjoy in our home.

I'm by no means religious, but I still like this tradition: a lady I work with only gives her kids three gifts because Jesus only received three gifts. She went into the whole tradition and meaningfulness when she was explaining it to me, and while I'm not on the same wavelength in that regard, I still think that's a great idea. She even said that her kids are having trouble coming up with three ideas. Two of them have only two things on their list and the other has only one.

I hope my family has the same grateful attitude this yea. I'm broke from medical bills and from moving into my own house. I'm dreading the holidays because I just can't afford to meet everyone's expectations this year.

Christmas was really the one time a year my parents went all out. My mom and dad love Christmas and we did get quite a few gifts during Christmas. Of course, the converse of that is besides Christmas and a small gift for our birthday we didn't really get anything else except for things we needed (like new shoes).

But, one thing my parents did was to start giving us things that we maybe didn't need now, but we'd need later. For example, they started with tools - hammer, screwdriver, toolbox, ratchet set, pliers, etc. Then when we'd all received the basics of tools, we started getting kitchen equipment - spatulas and spoons, measuring cups, a frying pan, a whisk, cookie sheets, mixing bowl, knives, etc. When I needed to move into my own apartment, the only things I needed to buy was furniture, which was a huge help.

My parents are still in full 'gift giving mode' and it honestly was a real struggle to think of anything I wanted or needed because they had already gotten me everything I could need for an apartment.

This will be my first Christmas living with my boyfriend and his parents, but I already know that Christmas for them is an expensive affair. Hundreds of dollars spent on everyone, even me. I come from a frugal family, and I like frugal. I like to do homemade gifts and the fact that my boyfriend's family is so consumer-centric makes me anxious about what I should do for them. The amount of money they spend is astounding, even my boyfriend doesn't ever seem impressed with the thoughtful little gifts I get him (or at least I think they are) because he is so desensitized from receiving many many gifts.

I love the idea of need, want, wear, read! I will probably do that with my children, if I ever have any.

At our house, our kids each get a gift from "Santa", a gift from my husband and me, some books, and a stocking full of fun things from Santa. When I tell some people this, I get a horrified reaction, as if I'm depriving my children, but honestly, between those things and the gifts they get from extended family and friends, it's plenty!

It was last Christmas when we saw our kids and nephews opening tons of gifts and just putting them to the side and saying NEXT! that made me rethink of how we were missing the true meaning of Christmas.
We have a tradition were we go to the polar express train ride every Christmas our sons love the movie. We bake cookies, panettone (not sure of spelling) with hot chocolate, get everyone in their pj's to go for a ride and find the best and most decorated house.
We look forward to seeing our kids work together in making little gift bags for homeless people in shelters and sharing the gift of Jesus with them. We also encourage our kids to buy a special gift for a child in need, they love gift wrapping too. Its rewarding and humbling to see them wanting to help and give their time to be involved in helping others in need.
As far as gifts, we now try to do wants, need,read. For the big gift we do memberships to a museum, or a zoo. With our families help of course.
The memories that we share is what we talk about through out the year, seeing their little faces light up when we are together makes us look forward to Christmas now more then ever!

As a "seasoned" parent, I have to say the "want, need, wear, read" philosophy is a great idea. So are day trips, vacations and anything that will give them an experience instead of more stuff and I wish I had done this with my kids. When my now-grown children were younger, we instituted a specific dollar amount to spend per child so we wouldn't go bankrupt, and we've kept that up to this day. This limited us from getting too crazy, and as my kids got older, they knew not to ask for something beyond that or they would be disappointed. With my grandkids, I buy them each a nice Christmas ornament (after Christmas the previous year when everything is on sale), a small gift to open and a savings bond. By the time they are adults, they'll have enough ornaments to fill their own trees, and some money invested. I would ask all of the relatives to do something similar for them, especially the grandparents. It's a great practice for them to start, especially if there is or will be more grandchildren in their future so there won't be any resentment from future grandkids or their parents.

Coming from a different culture and country, I have to say this is just so weird.
Our kids get 1, maybe 2 presents from their parents, and they are certainly not bikes! They might get pajamas, or a book and a toy, or something to wear, but that's it! (The bike would be a birthday present.)
Adults rarely get anything at all - perhaps a trinket from a spouse.
I just find it very strange to read that a bike, clothes, toys, books and pajamas would be what you get if your parents downsize. What do you get if they don't? A spaceship?

Where do I get the VW Bus t-shirt in the picture?

I was raised to expect a lot of gifts and as a result have had trouble letting go of expectations as an adult. From Birthdays to Christmas, it was always a game of "this year you got so much more than last year" or "your gifts last year cost way less than this year..." I hate that my childhood has dictated holiday expectations and work really hard every year to stop the cycle. I think our holidays can be really special if gifts aren't at the center.

Want need wear read... what a great way to break it down! I'm going to be using this as a guideline in the future.

My mom always said that Santa Claus was only responsible for stocking presents, which cut down on the excess a little bit... but only a little bit. My brother and I were long-hoped-for-and-almost-given-up-on grandchildren, and I think our grandmother wished she could have provided more for my dad and his sisters when they were growing up--so we were kind of avalanched by presents some years.

I am also curious about the VW t-shirt. Very cute.

I remember the first year I got something I specifically asked for -- it was small, but I was so happy! However, I don't remember the first gift I asked for -- my mom says it was One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, which I'd fallen in love with at kindergarten. I read it to my daughter, and now she reads it to her two nieces.

I think its easy for parents to go overboard with Christmas setting up unrealistic expectations for their children. I think one way to make kids more appreciative is to donate to a charity in their name. Heifer International (www.heifer.org) is a great organization to donate to in a child's name because you can pick the animal you want to give to a family in need. It is a great teaching moment.

We now do "want, need, wear, read" for our kids (ages 8 & 4). They also receive one gift from Santa, and they both make the other a gift. This has worked out incredibly well for all of us. It was challenging to really focus in on the specific categories, but everyone was happy with the outcome.

I came from a big family and my mother always did "toy, book, clothing" for everyone's birthday and Christmas to keep it fair and in control.

The main thing my parents did for us while were growing up was to shift our focus from RECEIVING to the joys of GIVING.

During the month of December my parents would put up chore charts for each of us. We would spend the whole month doing extra chores earning money $.25 at a time. When we earned $20, my mother would take each of us shopping to buy gifts for our 5 siblings. Each and every single one of those gifts were very carefully considered and thought about since $4 for each really wasn't going to a long ways. We would always try to figure out the best gift we could get with that hard earned $4.

On Christmas eve we would open the small gifts from each of our siblings. We always loved seeing their reactions to what we got them. We also really appreciated what we were given because we knew how hard it was to come up with something in that price range. I always remember being very touched by the thoughtfulness of each gift my siblings gave me, but I wouldn't have if I hadn't gone though the exact same thing.

I love Christmas, except the gift exchange. I don't know why... I get icky feeling about it. I'd rather there be no gifts at all. Just good food and time with family and friends.

My parents never spoiled us, but there were never any years that we didn't get presents. Even financially tough years, they would still buy us stuff and overextend their finances so that we could "have Christmas". I often wished, even at a young age, that they didn't do that. (perhaps this is why I feel icky about the gifting aspect of Christmas - although home-made gifts and baked goods are an exception).

My family typically goes overboard for christmas. I hate it.

I think, for myself anyway, the fun is in unwrapping the gifts. If someone were to take my presents back into the other room and re-wrap them i could keep going all day with the same gifts over and over again...

But anyway, when Christmas comes around, since i have only my parents and adult siblings to shop for, i get everyone one gift a year. Something i know they will enjoy. I could care less if they got me something. I figure if i give one gift a year to everyone, no one ever has too much, i save money, and it's a win-win.

When it comes to friends' gifts it's often encouraged to either make a gift, or buy a special christmas ornament for their family to hang on their tree.

As far as gifts i recieve, I told people this year, either make me something, or give me a copy of their favorite picture of either the two of us together or their family. If they insist on spending money on me, i told them that since i'm going back to school, they can help me pay for stuff i need for school. I don't need much. (but i admit to hoping it's my year for the homemade quilt from my mother.)