Picture this: You're sitting down for a quick drink at a friend's house one weekend afternoon. The two of you are getting ready to meet friends at a restaurant down the street, and your friend just stepped downstairs for a smoke break. Her phone, rested gently on the kitchen counter, starts to ring. Do you pick it up?
It's a tricky situation where etiquette is concerned.
People of earlier generations found it commonplace to answer the kitchen landline for a friend or family member if they stepped out. Before there were cell phones or an answering machine in every home, missing a call wasn't quickly remedied.
But now, with cell phones and voicemail and caller ID, polite tech etiquette gets a little complicated. Your friend might initially miss a call, but they'll probably see who called them and might even get a voicemail or text message to relay the message soon after.
And yet there are some situations where it seems perfectly alright to answer a friend's phone. Here are my own personal rules about answering the phone at a friend's house:
• If I can see a mutual friend is calling and we're expecting them to join us, I'll answer the phone. They might need directions or a gate code.• If we're expecting someone and I can't see who's calling (like a landline without caller ID), I'll answer the phone with "[Friend's name]'s residence." If it's not our anticipated friend, I offer to take a message.
• In any other situation, I'd probably let the phone ring and just let my friend know she got a call while she was busy.
Of course, in line with "different strokes for different folks," many of you reading this probably think my rules are way off-base. So tell us: Do you answer the phone at a friend's house? When, if ever, is it OK to politely pick up a friend's phone? Does it matter if it's a cell phone or a landline? Tell us in the comments!
MORE ON HOME TECH ETIQUETTE FROM APARTMENT THERAPY:
• Housesitting Tech Etiquette
• Are Dinner Time Phone Breaks Good Tech Etiquette?
• Do you Follow the Tec Etiquette "Crossword" Rule?
(Image: Shutterstock)
The Ultimate Used Furniture Cleaning Kit
Ana Creates a Community at Home
Good Food to Share 
The Big Book of Small, Cool Spaces 
Apartment Therapy Presents 
The Eight-Step Home Cure 
Z2 iPod Dock and Wi...
How To Cook Fluffy, Tasty Quinoa
Recipe: Spring Fruit and Nut Tabouli
Nope. I just let them know it rang while they were away.
of course not.
None of my friends have a landline. If their cell phone was on the table and started ringing, I'd just yell "your phone is ringing!" I'd never answer someone else's phone.
Maybe for the "mutual friend on their way"...otherwise...never. They might be trying to dodge someone. Ever seen the Seinfeld when Kramer answers Jerry's phone? ;)
No, of course not.
Definitely not. It's not my phone line.
only if I recognized the person calling as a friend. even then, none of my friends have landlines and their cells seem too personal to answer
If someone's cell phone is ringing and I think it might be important, I'll just hand it to them. At most, if their hands are full, I might look at the name of the caller and ask, "Do you want to talk to Chris?" or whomever.
Answering someone's else cell phone seems like a huge invasion of privacy.
Never. Doesn't matter if it was landline or cell phone.. I'd just let the phone ring & then later on tell my friend that there was a call.
No. I'm from "an earlier generation" and we NEVER were so presumptuous as to answer someone else's phone. The only exceptions might be a FAMILY member's phone, under some circumstances, or the phone of a friend who steps away but says "if the phone rings, could you get it for me?"
My partner and I have separate lines. I don't even pick up HIS phone unless the caller ID lets me know it's a particular friend we are expecting for dinner or a movie. (I missed a contractor one day doing that -- it's annoying, but privacy matters. And most people have voice mail these days, and can call back on a missed call immediately if necessary.)
I answer my parents' cellphones sometimes if I am visiting and they are out in the yard or something (but the caller is usually family or longtime family friend I would want to talk to too). Other than that, I've answered the best friend's phone a few times, but it was her mom or son calling. I'm a pretty private person, and try to afford the same to others.
I agree with all...NEVER. It may be a call that is very personal and it's really none of my business. I would be really pissed if someone asnwered my phone. I had a new friend who was looking for a pencil and I hear him open up my roll top desk. I walked over and told him that was private and didn't appreciate him thinking it was okay to go through my PERSONAL stuff. A phone, to me, is the same. He looked at me and said, "You're right, I'd be angry too".
I don't even answer phones that belong to family members unless it's other family members. My parents have friends who have never met me because I no longer live there. It'd be jarring to hear the voice of someone you don't know.
Unless I'm asked to do so the answer is no. I would even hesitate to answer my significant other's phone.
I never answer someone's cell unless they've given me explicit instructions to do so because they're expecting a call. Even if I notice it's a mutual friend; I'll just text/call that friend on my phone to see what's going on.
No way! I don't even answer my husband's phone unless its an absolute emergency. If someone's phone starts ringing I'll usually yell to them that their phone is ringing. If they want to know who it is, then I will look and tell them but not before I get permission. Otherwise it feels like I'm snooping.
It seems like answering the phone would be very rude to me, as you never know who might be calling. What if you pick up the phone to hear something very private, like "This is So-And-So hospital, is this Jane Doe?" Right off you know more than Jane Doe might want you to know!
The only other house where I'll answer the phone is at home for my parents or for my in-laws, and that's because they expect it.
Other folks might consider this weird but I also don't answer my husband's phone unless I know the number calling - unless that number does something like call three times, and then I'd assume it's some emergency!
NEVER.
I can't imagine just simply picking up someone's phone (landline or cell) without being asked. I would NOT appreciate if someone picked up MY phone.
This seems completely out of bounds/inappropriate ettiquette to me. Especially because a lot of calls that people get are unwanted calls from all kinds of places. I have done it in cases like the example you gave, but other than that, it's a good way to piss someone off!
@KAETE - We don't answer each others' phones either, unless we want the other person to because we can't (driving, cooking, etc.)
I wouldn't, but I don't have any friends with landlines and I wouldn't be comfortable answering another person's cell phone (except in that meeting a friend scenario, where it would make total sense to answer the call)
I answer my parents phone when I'm at their home. Every other place on the planet, I absolutely do not answer the phone. I simply hate answering phones, so I avoid it at all costs.
I would never answer anyone else's phone, including my husband's or children's, unless specifically requested to do so.
And, if someone answered mine - land or cell - I would be offended and feel they had really overstepped their boundaries.
No. At most I'll bring them their cell if they stepped out or something and mentioned waiting on a call. I also answer my mom's phone her when she's driving and asks me to, but that's about it.
I would pass on answering others' cell-phones except in extraordinary circumstances. Phones are now so private now. If another's cell-phone were to ring, I would usually not look at who is calling. Or rather, I would be seen not to look. I might peek.
I don't think this is a tricky etitquette question at all. You cannot answer someone else's phone and you should not look to see if it's a mutual friend who's calling. It's none of your business. As others have said, i don't even answer my husband's phone (unless he asks me to). I really can't even imagine returning from my "smoke break" to find my friend talking on my phone.
wow, is this another midwest friendliness thing? If a phone is ringing and the caller ID tells me its someone I know, I'll answer. I also expect friends to do the same if I'm busy.
If it is a number displayed or name I don't know, I shout to the phone owner to ask if I should answer it. If they can't/don't answer, then I wouldn't answer the phone.
As for letting my partner answer my phone-of course! no secrets here. She should know if I am avoiding calls from anyone and wouldn't answer that call. Isn't this part of working as a team?
It might also matter where the phone is. In a friend's bag? -nope out on the table? -yes
The only time I ever answered someone else's phone was when I was in high school and used to babysit. It was before the times of cell phones and caller ID so I always had to pick up in case it was the parents but I remember it being so awkward when the person calling would ask me about who I was, where the couple went, when would they be back. Most often it was just a close family friend inquiring, but I never knew how much information to give out.
Now, I never answer someone else's phone and if they are out of the room and yell for me to answer it, I just wait till it stops ringing and then say something such as, "Oh, it stopped ringing right before I picked up..." haha
@FRANCAISEJOLIE I'm Midwestern, born and raised and still currently reside there. Still no, lol.
Only if the phone owner is driving and says, get that will you?
And I answer with "(owners) phone."
I prefer mine to go to voice mail. I actually rarely answer unless it is an expected call, or someone who is a pleasant surprise.
I was one of those who had to get every ringing phone, right now. Including dinner time, and the year I answered during a Seder, I decided it was time to stop being in the thrall of a phone.
I still answer the door no matter what. Working on that.
Never. And even in the "old days" of landlines, no one I know would pick up a landline call, either, unless the host/hostess said, "Can you get that?"
What a stupid question. Seriously, as though there's an option where it's OK to answer someone else's phone?
Yes. If I'm at a close friend or family member's home, they'll usually yell at me from the bathroom or wherever they are in the house that they can't reach the phone and could I please answer it for them. That's fine. Cell phones? No.
I have lost my cellphone a couple of times, twice i have gotten it back because a person near by was so kind as to pick it, answer (or call a friend from my list) and tell me where i leaved it.
Other than that.... only if they ask me to, or i see them running to answer and i'm near-er (i'll tell whatever person on the line to wait a second)
would never answer anyone's cell or landline, not even my husband's cell (unless asked to, of course). this is based on how I feel about my own phone being private.
It depends on the friend....my best friend is a doctor, and I would most certainly answer the phone for her as it could be an emergency in which time is of the essence. I would also answer the phone for her husband who is my husband's best friend. And I know they would and have done the same for me. Other friends that I am not as close with and do not know as well, I would holler and ask if they want me to grab it, or just let them know it was ringing. Some friends are as close as family and there are some familiarities that you both feel comfortable with....it depends on the friendship and what is understood between the two of you.
Never never never. If a mutual friend was making plans with us and didn't reach the other person, they would call on my cell. Or what's wrong with callback?
No! I don't even answer the phone at my OWN home!
I agree with PZZLDMOM pretty much. I'll answer the phone at my parents' house if I see it's family on the caller ID, otherwise I let the machine get it. I don't see the problem of asking the person if they'd like you to get the phone, but I probably wouldn't do it unless asked in case they're trying to avoid someone. My friends and I usually answer each others' phones if the owner is driving, and they know who it is before answering since everyone has caller ID these days. I get the privacy thing, but wow, a lot of commenters are very opinionated about this! What's everyone hiding? LOL.
only my mom's. although, one time i was visiting a pal and the phone in the guestroom was next to the bed. it startled me out of a dead sleep and i answered reflexively. it was her husband. my bad.
@francaisejolie, I know midwesterners have the reputation for being very nice, but honestly, this is not something I would consider to be a favor or good thing to do and I don't think not picking up the phone for others means you're not friendly.... People use their phones to do more than talk to friends and family. They use them for work, and for other matters that are serious to them, like legal matters or banking.
It's not about having "secrets" from your partner - it's about respecting the reasons for not answering someone's phone unless they ask you to. You don't know why a person is calling. My husband would never answer my phone for me unless I asked him to, and part of the reason is because you don't know why that person is calling. I've had friends call me in emotional distress and they would have been embarassed if someone other than me had picked up the phone to hear them crying or upset.
My grandmother expects whoever's near the phone to answer when it rings at her house, but otherwise never.
Never. Ever. Checking who is calling to know whether it's someone I may know sounds a definite invasion of privacy. I don't even allow my children to pick/check my calls. Actually, to touch my phone unless I ask them specifically to bring it to me. Phones and handbags are totally off limits to everybody. I'd never touch either at any friend's, no matter how close friends they are, and would be very upset if they did without my asking them to.
I wouldn't answer someone else's phone without their permission because I would expect the same. The only exceptions are my husband and my parents. I'm sure other family would allow or appreciate if I would potentially answer their phone but it makes me uncomfortable. I don't even like talking on the phone when I am the one getting the calls, ha.
No.
...Very rarely. Sometimes if it's a very good friend, and I can see that someone I know is calling, I'll answer with something like, "Hi, this is _____'s phone, can I help you?"
It depends on the person (I would answer my husband's phone), but overall no...and more often I probably wouldn't answer it, but just let them know the phone rang.
Only once have I done something close to answering it for my bff. I dropped in with coffee while she was working on a research submission, and she had stepped out for a smoke break. Her advising dr called while she was outside, so I took her the phone knowing she was expecting her to call.
We live in a different time. In the past, when we had no answering machines (I KNOW! and we lived through it! ;) ), the only way you could receive a call is if you answered the ring. If you missed it, you'd wonder who was calling, so if someone was within arm's reach, you would say, "Pick that up for me, would you please?" Now, with cell phones and answering machines, I wouldn't answer unless someone asked. :)
Why is this a question?
never.
Never, unless the friend gives specific instructions for me to pick up his/her phone in his/her absence.
I don't even answer my partner's cell phone, and he doesn't answer mine.
I answer my parent's cell phones and my fiance's (will my daughter's too when she starts using one) if it's someone I know, or if I know the call is important. In fact, not a half hour ago my daughter brought me my cell phone because it was ringing while I was outside and I asked her why she didn't check to see who it was and answer it.
As far as friends, never, unless I knew specifically that the friend didn't care. I don't care if someone answers my phone, but that's where the line is drawn - don't go messing about with it otherwise. Except for my fiance - I don't really care if he messes with it.
I think it is totally OK to answer a phone which does not belong to you. I answer close friends phones, and my family's phones all the time when I know the person calling and they are busy, or if they are driving. They normally ask though. I have also had other people answer their phones when I call. I have also answered peoples phones when someone I don't know calls when asked and they they have asked me to this is often when we are organising a big event and people call with questions which I can also answer.
No. Never. Wuld not even answer my husband's phone unless he asked, as it was ringing. I would want to punch anyone who answered my own phone. I could not even conceive of a conditionin which I would want someone to *answer* my phone. There have been occasions when I have wanted my husband to look at who was calling, but not to the point of actually answering the call. No. Double-No. Triple -No.
When I can't be in my office I have calls forwarded from my office phone to my private number. These calls are generally dealing with law enforcement and child protection agencies, if any of my friends were to answer my phone or even check my caller ID I would be furious.
Answering a phone because you are asked is completely different than just deciding for yourself that it is ok to do it.
People's need for and right to privacy should be respected.
I'm with @francaisejolie on this. If a phone is out on a table / in front of me, and its a mutual friend we're expecting, I might grab it in case they are lost/running late.
If I don't know the person / number or I don't know why they are calling (ie - we're not meeting up or my friend did not just try to reach them) then I'll usually yell out/ bring it to them/ let it go to voicemail. I don't even enjoy talking on the phone or answering my own all the time, so I'm not going to rush to grab someone else's, but I'm glad that I don't have the kind of friends who'd be so weird about it either.
Some of you are WAY too uptight about people even checking to see who is calling. If you care so much about other people seeing your caller ID - keep the damn phone with you.
If someone isn't around and their land line/cell rings, and he/she is not around to pick up, I'll note the time and tell the owner at the first available moment. That goes for everybody, unless explicitly told to answer.
The only time anyone other than myself answered my cell was when my wife answered because I was driving, and an important call was coming in. (At the time, I was "on duty" 24/7.) The only time I've answered a land line not my own was when I went to my parents' home, and I hadn't lived there for years. ("I'm the son/brother of >resident<, may I take a message?")
@francaisejolie I'm from Boston, so I don't believe it's just a Midwest thing
I don't even answer the phone at my own house.
Sorry caller.
Never. I don't answer my own phone and I'd be pissed if someone answered it for me. The ONLY exception would be if your friend explicitly told you before hand to answer it for them if so and so called. If in the event like the described example of a mutual friend calling I would call them back with my own phone.
oh I should also add, that one of the most unpleasant things for me is calling someone and having someone else answer. I absolutely hate it.
If the friend I'm with is one of my absolute bestest friends, AND if I know the person who is calling very well (her husband, for example, or one of our close mutual friends), then yes I might. Otherwise, HECK NO.
PS, I don't get all this keeping-phone-private-from-spouse stuff. My husband and I don't have any secrets, and frequently check each others' phones when a text comes in, at least to see who it is. We hardly ever actually get phone calls, lol. But seriously, it seems like one of us is always driving or cooking or putting our daughter in the bath, or left the phone wayy over there on that counter or whatever.
That's not to say that we actually read each others' texts. Me and my friends are nuts and half of what we say wouldn't make sense to him, and his texts are usually work-related (he's military) or from his mom (yikes). But seriously? Yeah I definitely don't care if he knows how many times Kako texts me, or even what she said. He's my husband, after all.
I'd never answer a friend's phone, but will let them know it rang while they were gone (or made a noise to let them know of incoming mail/text/etc). I've never answered a relative's phone but I have a memory of my grandmother's phone ringing one time (during a holiday dinner) and someone asked for Mrs. When they couldn't answer which one (there were about 7 women who all answered to that name), we had a good idea of what the call was about.
It honestly depends on how well I know the person. At my parent's for example, sure I'd answer the phone. As for just a friend's house, only if they were expecting an important call and had just stepped out of the room.
Depends on the friend.
Wow, I am in disagreement with most of the comments. As long as it's someone I know calling, I would answer any of my closest friends' phones. And my parents/husband's, too. I would expect the same from them, again, as long as they recognized the caller.
Elise890 -- i guess I just don't feel comfortable answering other's phones. If it was my husband's cell, yes I'd answer it - he answers mine as well. Just a different story when it comes to just friends or in-laws in which I don't feel comfortable enough to be put in that position.