Or do you let him drive your car? Or give her, her own pocket knife to experiment with? One of our responsibilities as parents is to keep our kids safe. Sure, we all know that. But when are we going too far? Our goal is to protect our children from scrapes and burns but are we also interfering with their natural growth and development at the same time? Gever Tulley is vocal about our culture's over protective tendencies. He argues that letting your kids do dangerous stuff is the best way for them to learn how to creatively and confidently control and interact with the world around them.
Gever Tulley, founder of the Tinkering School is not afraid to hand over power tools to children in grade 2. And he doesn't think you should be either. Need some convincing before handing a knife or a pack of matches over to your little ones? Check out this 9 minute TED talk on his top 5 Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Kids Do:
It doesn't stop there; Tulley also wrote a book Fifty Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Children Do. So are you a "let's go play with matches" sort of parent? Or more of a "that golf ball is too sharp for you to play with" kind of parent? Or something in between.
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The amazon link is to an old version, this seems newer and in print: http://www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Things-Should-Your-Children/dp/0451234197
My husband's parenting philosophy has always been that if you don't let them try dangerous things, they will never learn how to do them properly.
Of course, our 7.5 year old daughter has always been something of a daredevil (a "a casse cou" as her principal describes her), and so trying to stop her from climbing a tree is like trying to hold back an avalanche...
When she is with other adults -- the parents of her friends say -- her tree-climbing can cause them to freak out.
I do think however, that we've become too safety-obsessed in North America. Having lived in Europe for 4.5 years, I've relaxed somewhat as a parent. Looking at the list, she's already done a several of the 50 dangerous things.
My brothers, sisters and I were allowed to do a lot of things when we were little. Now as adults we have done it all and know what not to do. My husband wasn't allowed to do anything, he is in a panic most days when our kids try things and they always have to be super prepared when he is around. Not I am not a parent that thinks everything will be OK but I do think they need to try things.
Growing up, my parents were fairly lax with my brothers and I. My dad showed us how to make dry ice bombs when we were tiny, lit fireworks every year. We got hurt but once we did something to hurt ourselves once we never did it again.
Only exception I will say to this- I won't be handing over a pocket knife to our kids any time in their earlier years. No kid needs a knife (or matches for that matter. When we used that stuff my parents were supervising) I never forget my dad getting a big red swiss army knife and my brother at about 6 BEGGING to have it. They said no and when everyone wasn't looking he took it, flicked it open and promptly cut his finger badly, running upstairs to hide leaving a horror movie like splatter of blood all over the stairs and carpet. Don't just hand over dangerous things to your kid. Let them know its ok and be a part of it with them.
yes! i take this approach with a lot of things, and in many cases, i use the word "powerful" in place of "dangerous" (like with fire - it can be destructive but it is life-giving, so i like the term powerful) and tell my children we need to handle powerful things with respect.
of course, i want my kids to be safe, but i think it's safer to try to understand things as much as possible rather than just being afraid.
I was setting fires (campfires, lighting birthday candles, etc.) and had a pocket knife (and a bow and arrows) by fourth grade.
I was usually supervised. A few mishaps, but I learned. I think I'd had the same approach with my kids (if I had kids). I don't think they should be sheltered, but they do need to respect dangerous tools and learn to be cautious.
Of course, I'm also from Mississippi, where it's okay to give guns to children... As long as it's deer season. Supervised, I'm hoping.
My daughter has been lighting her own Shabbat candles since age 2. My son received a pocket knife for his 9th birthday and I taught him how to whittle soap. This summer I'm teaching him how to light a campfire properly. They were both encouraged to get across the Blue River last weekend by hopping on rocks. The unexpected "yes" will be a life-long memory.
This seems to tie in well with the earlier post about having specific kitchen tools for children. My little one is only two, and I work on the basis that unless he's doing something likely to seriously injure himself then it's all just a learning experience! He loves to grate cheese, so I've shown him that the grater is sharp and I give him a big block of cheese to reduce the chances of him skinning his knuckles. But if he does, it'll sting a bit, it won't kill him and next time he'll be more careful.
My mum took this approach with my borderline pyromaniac brother... he soon got bored of fire. If he hadn't had a chance to play with it in a safe, structured environment he would have snuck matches and could have done himself a lot of damage.
I wouldn't let anyone "play" with fire as that implies irresponsibility. But learning about it and other potentially dangerous things at a young age is just responsible parenting.
I did appreciate it when I was given my first pocket knife because my father carried one and used it frequently and it made me feel like i was becoming more of a grown up.
I'm all for letting kids do "dangerous" things - under supervision. Boys, especially, love playing with knives, guns and building fires.