I promised myself I would never get that boring. Doesn't matter how old you are (I am 40yo) you should always surround yourself with things that are fun!

I'm currently reading Meghan Daum's "Life Would Be Perfect If I Lived in That House" and it reminds me of this post. The writer sees apartments and houses as ways to mark rites of passage which is how I see living spaces, too.

nice post

This is something I'm still struggling to do--I'm still young but really yearn for an "adult" home. Well-furnished and cohesive, matching linens, dishes, full set of wine glasses, etc. When does this point come for others?

Nice post and beautifully done. I have thought of this for years. Once, when i was about 32 years old...i had a big party. some of the young workers came through and said your home is so grownup. It was such a compliment. When i was in my twenties, i hung out with a crew of friends who loved furniture and they all bought homes by the time they were 28. they spent weekends collecting great, grown up furniture. i bought a condo when i was 38 years old. But i had collected nice furniture and bought other pieces that have lasted the test of time. I still go to ikea but my couches, and beds and chairs and tables are from places like DWR and Room and Board or antiques or vintage...strong and grownup. It feels wonderful to l ive in a grownup house. i advise everyone to try it.

Boring and grown up are not synonymous. You can be tons of fun and exude class and maturity.

I think something happens to a lot of people when they have kids. Their mindsets go from in the now to 18 years from now. Life changes speed and direction. They want to appear in control (though any parent will tell you it's a thin facade) so their kids respect them. They want to set good living examples for them. The outward appearance of our homes reflect who we want to be and who we want our kids to be.

I'm married with a kid and our house isn't grown up AT ALL. I'd like for it to be moreso and we're inching that way very slowly. Doesn't mean everything has to be $$$ (we have a couple of IKEA pieces I love), but just more cohesive/intentional, I think.

Elements I consider essential to a "grownup" looking home: tidiness (to a degree), and art. I agree with Dovieann - boring does not have to be a part of it.

I think we have a "grown up" house in that we can clean up all the toys and you wouldn't know a kid lives here. No doll house in the dining room, no colorful buckets of legos in the living room. Even my little guy's room has an adult sense of style. I'm not sure how long this can last, but we're almost at year two. Before baby we had white silk sofas and antique furniture. Once he was moving at all we had to get a leather sofa and some more sturdy furniture. I agree - your house doesn't have to be boring to be "grown up."

I'm 54 and still don't have a grown up house and I like it that way. I'm a collector; not a hoarder and love having the things that make me smile surround me. I've ALWAYS had folks say that my home is welcoming, warm and cozy.
Not to say that what this post considereds to be an adult home isn't beautifully put together, but you can achieve that without your home looking like it came out of Better Homes and Gardens.

I don't think getting married and having kids is a requirement of having a grown up house, but I have to say that getting married helped because there were two of us to push each other to make tougher decisions (spending more money on a better sofa, for instance). Where some of my friends and I diverge is that their grown up house is designed to be functionally grown up and aesthetically grown up, whereas all my appliances work, I have a full pantry and other hallmarks of a grown up house but I've kept my collection of funny mugs and science fiction collectibles.

This seems a bit off to me. Having a 'grown up' home isn't about having matching linens and a full pantry in case you get sick. Surely it's about having respect for your environment and the people you share it with, knowing what it is you need and being comfortable enough in yourself to have these things and look after them because they mean something to you and not to the woman down the street who thinks she's in a homeless shelter if the glasses don't match. What about people who have better things to do? Are they less grown up somehow?

Back to say, I think all those things of excess come when you have money - not maturity. Yes, I feel like a grown up now that I have an extra set of sheets for guests and a drawer full of batteries - but that has only come because I got married and now have a double income. I knew I needed those things but they weren't priorities when I was trying to make it on my own.

My husband and I are in our late 20s, and we're proud of our "grown up" home. We lived in a total wreck during college and now we're incredibly grateful to own a fully furnished home with high quality furniture. Right now we're redoing the kitchen.

Also, having a big wedding helps immensely. I wouldn't exactly go out and buy 10 place settings of fine china or a full set of crystal bar ware on a whim, but that tends to be the kinds of things you receive as wedding gifts. It's nice to be able to host more formal entertaining from time to time, compared to our BYOB and red cup college days.

This article reaks of "Lifescript" and consumerism to me. I'm sure there are folks (I can't be the only one) who don't want a space larger than we need because we want to be out experiencing life, not making a pretty house with dozens of towels, kitchen gadgets, accoutrement used once a year, or an abundance of throw cushions (or throws). Whatever space you have and by whatever circumstances brought you there, take pride in it, take care of it, and be a kind person. Do the best with what you have and don't be defined by your address or the contents of what's inside. I guess this article rubbed me the wrong way today, sorry.

I do understand that being grown-up shouldn't mean having tons of things, but I also empathize with this post. I would call it less 'grown-up' and more 'domesticated.' Some people value homemaking than others and are more willing to invest time and money in the venture. I aspire to be domesticated myself, although I still don't know how to make everything in my house work right. I'm also not 100% agreed that having all these things indicates you aspire to or belong to a wealthier class. My parents collect pantry items and hold onto extra sheets and towels until they're irretrievably holey precisely for security, precisely because they know what it's like to do without them. Nothing is fancy, and trust me, almost nobody values interior decor less than them, but they have lots of the things they need because they want to be secure and provide for their family.

My partner and I bought a house a month ago. We'd lived together for the last year and a half in an 800 sq ft one-bedroom, one bath. We bought a much larger house (3BR, 1BA) on a double lot with a basement and a greenhouse. It's wonderful. When we had our housewarming party everyone asked where the furniture came from our old place. We'd tucked furniture into the garage and lived in our small space with our curated items; the art I inherited, a 50s table we'd found, the credenza I searched forever for on CL . Moreover, my own art has a place throughout the house. Now, the two of us feel like our home is the size we need for guests and family, we have the furniture and artwork to make it feel cozy and we're so damn happy. So, yes, we live in a grown up house. Shoes come off when you enter, there's food and snacks whenever anyone visits and since we live 'downtown' in our small town, we often have visitors. Again, I am so happy to have created a home for us to share with friends and family.

Are people reading a different post than me?

@artjunk and @ruthtooth, I don't seem to be reading what you're reading.

When the writer talks about having a full pantry and a home that has plenty of everything, she isn't talking about being wealthy enough to do it. She's talking about being self-sufficient. Part of being an adult is being able to take care of yourself and others at anytime you need to. There's always a variety of medication in my medicine cabinet, lots of shelf-stable food in the pantry and clean sheets and towels. That's just called being an adult.

And when she's talking about people who can help you get things done around the house, she's still not talking about wealth. When your dishwasher breaks, don't you call someone to fix it? When your water heater fails, don't you have it replaced? Part of being an adult is knowing who to call to fix these issues. Or even for smaller things, like carpet cleaning. I didn't see it as being a judgment on wealth, only that being an adult means you get things fixed instead of just making do.

@Teakfreak - I don't get what you mean either. No one said anyone had to buy a large house or spend lots of money on "making a pretty house" or... are you casting assumptions on something that didn't say any of those things? We're all "experiencing life"...but I didn't see anything about this post that was unreasonable.

To me a grown-up house is a house that is intentional, well-maintained, and welcoming. Whatever your style is really doesn't matter. And it certainly doesn't have to be boring!

The picture in the post above just seems cold and sterile to me. I think the style reminds me of my friend's parents' house, when we were kids. The two least affectionate people I've ever met. All the matchy-matchiness and perfectly clean in that house still makes me a little bit sad. No kids' artwork on display, not a toy box in sight. My mom had us keep a very clean house, but we could make messes and play with everything. I'd rather have cozy than formal!

Oh how well I know the feeling you describe above of visiting a friends grown up home, those visits always have a way of making my very nice single girl abode seem a little less glam! However you are most right with your suggestion to start collecting and acquiring nicer things even if it is just you living in your home. There is just something that feels so right when you trade up for the finer things in life or in your home decor! Great Post! http://vintagevixenlgs.tumblr.com/

While the post seems well-intentioned and I understand the point the author is trying to get across (a grown-up house should be thoughtful, functional, and should show evidence of excellent care from the homeowner) I don't think the examples they give are the best ones.

"There's a point when Ikea is a great resource...and there's a point in your life when it's time to step it up, invest in yourself and buy a couch you don't put together yourself." I disagree. The author may see the purchase of expensive furniture as a step of growing up, but it's not necessary to contribute to a grown-up house.

"Do I have people — whether that's a maid, a handyman, a house or pet sitter or an upholsterer — I can rely on to help me get things done around the house?" Here's a grown-up tip I've learned - learn how to do 95% of all household repairs yourself, then call the experts. Outsourcing is a massive waste of money, and isn't necessarily a maturity thing (it's an excess of money, one very few people can truly afford)

@robotropolis I agree, for the most part. I think it's funny that some people go to extreme lengths to separate "homemaking" and just "living." For me, having extra sheets and working batteries is just taking care of yourself. It's just ...getting your act together and being competent all around, not just work or home. I'm good at my job, so why shouldn't I also be good at taking care of my own house? Once upon a time, i didn't know how..then I got into a committed relationship and it dawned on me that I was responsible for caring for others. That kind of lightbulb moment really makes you want to quit dawdling and learn how to improve both of your lives.

really thought-provoking article! enjoyed very much...

I agree that people are reading things into this post that are not there. Having extra sheets and batteries is not about lots of money- the extra sheets in my grown-up house come from IKEA. The point it I have them, they are clean, and I know where they are should a guest spend the night. These are things I did not think about in an apartment in my early 20s.

A "Grown Up" livingspace is the difference between camping out in a space and actually "living" in it. It means you furnish a space with the intention of staying there for years, even if you intend to move. "Grown Up" doesn't require perfect sets of everything, however, you avoid trendy items likely to go out of style, in favor of acquiring items which are meant to last and perhaps handed down.

@Pi right on! You expressed my thoughts better than I could. I don't think this post has anything to do with wealth per se, but rather self-sufficiency, and dare I say it... maturity. A coworker of mine has a charming home that is always clean and welcoming. I know her income is not great, but she wears & uses quality vintage & second hand and practices excellent home economy. For me, it's about having clean towels ready for guests, and a stocked pantry during the blizzard. And having the name of a great upholsterer makes me LESS consumerist. Rather than buying cheap sofas from IKEA every few years, I would rather invest in refurbishing the sturdy one I found at an estate sale for $65. It's also about taking care of your things and respecting what you have.

I think the post is right on target. Can't see how people see consumerism in this essay. All the things the post mentions --- having enough sheets, batteries, lights and food ... those things do not have to be super expensive. it's just being cognizant, thinking ahead... acting like a grownup. Ridding yourself of silly things that used to be cute when you were 18 years or thinking of things your parents thought about when you were 18. And believe me having a grownup house doesn't have to feel boring. I've done the opposite and it didn't feel so great after I turned 27. I used to look at my older friends homes - organized, beautiful, homey and say ' this is how i should live.' Though, I once knew a friend,she was in her fifties. And she had this weird collection of trinket dollish doo dads in her home. I was much younger and at first i felt like she didn't want to grow up. Why would she have this in her home? And there were issues. But her New York City apartment was organized, stylish...sans the dollish trinkets. There were books, Glassware...inexpensive frames and art she bought from the street vendors. There were inexpensive dishes for keys, a door mat, enough towels, cold water waiting in the frig, a good coffee maker and she had even took time to hide wires. It felt comfortable and grownup...funky and kind of cool (again sans the dollish trinkets) and I took something from that.

Different things are important to different people - I don't think it's necessarily a matter of getting married or having kids. I am a homebody, and having a "grown up house" was always important to me - I hated living in tiny apartments, sharing walls, not having a place that was "mine," not having space for guests, etc. The second I graduated from school and got a good job I bought my first house and started getting rid of my futons and IKEA pieces and started collecting things that I really loved. Ever since, I've probably had the most "grown up" house of any of my friends - I bought my current home about two years ago and am still in the process of decorating and remodeling it - and it's definitely not boring! I have done everything I can to make it a comfortable and friendly place for friends and family to come visit or stay...I have real dishes and glasses for parties, a guest room with a nice mattress and sheets, and I have a go-to handyman, plumber, electrician, contractor, etc. to keep things running smoothly. And I'm the one who's handing down furniture to some of my married-with-kids friends.

On the flip side, I have a friend who lived in a $1 million house for about 8 years, and never even furnished about half of the rooms. She lined up pictures to be hung when she moved in and unpacked, and they were still leaning against the wall and waiting to be packed up again when she moved out. She would stick an aerobed in an empty room when someone came to stay. So I don't think it's a matter of money - she could easily have afforded to pay someone to hang pictures, decorate, etc., but it just wasn't a priority for her.

Great post!

I'm pretty sure our house is now an adult home. We don't have kids, but our house looks like grown-ups live there. Fun grown-ups, with lots of hobbies and good senses of humor, but grown-ups nonetheless.

For me, the best part about living in a grown-up house is that we can accommodate guests more easily when they come to town. No more scrambling for sheets, pillows, and towels. We're lucky enough to have a spare bedroom with a bed for guests to use. There are things to eat and drink in the kitchen (and in the fully-stocked bar!). Having people stay when you're prepared for it lessens the stress of houseguests so much!

I'm looking at this from a "mature" viewpoint, as someone who has had several "grown-up houses." For many people -- especially in these uncertain economic times -- your "stuff" can really weigh you down. I recently had to relocate for a job...in a more expensive area where I have considerably less living space. I consider myself fortunate that my older son and his fiancee were thrilled to move into my "grown-up" house with my "grown-up" possessions, and I was pretty much free to go. I now live with a lot of IKEA, my books, my ginormous collection of old costume jewelry, the rosewood dining table that was my first "grown-up" piece of furniture, and my mother's dining room chairs. It's a "grown-up" rented condo...because a grown-up lives there.

i think i will have an adult home if i can manage to keep at least one bottle of wine in the wine rack before it disappears. if i bought enough to stock, i would drink enough to stock...

According to this list, I've lived in a grown-up house for a long time, probably in part because I lived in a very unstable set of situations as a kid. Once I was on my own, I wanted the stability of decent stuff and enough of things like linens and such to get through tough times. Even though my husband and I have moved a fair amount over the 30+ years we've been together (including 6 cross-country moves), we've always made our spaces, temporary or otherwise, feel like homes, including stuff on the walls, cats in the house, etc. We are both total homebodies and always have been.

Regarding consumerism... to me, part of transitioning to a grown-up house is getting rid of all the random cheap crap - whether it's badly-made ikea pieces, cheap bookshelves I picked up at Wal-mart because I needed someplace to hang my books, mismatched beer glasses from a college apartment, or whatever - and replacing it with higher-quality items which I can keep for a long time. So yeah, I'll be shopping for stuff, but switching from the mindset of "I need something that will do right now, even if it'll need replaced every six months" to "I want something that will last me forever" should reduce consumption in the long run.

I think people are confusing "grown up" with "having made it". Having a solid and/or antique couch tells the world that you've made it. The same is true for having plenty of towels, "good dishes and nice glasses", a full pantry and "having people" to "get things done". Might as well throw in two kids, a golden retriever, a minivan, and a 401(k) - now you've REALLY made it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting those things, but to me, a grown up house is one that reflects the owner's personality, it can be silly or serious, full of books on rickety bookshelves or marble bathrooms, cheap or expensive furniture - but it has to tell you something about the owner other than their approximate annual income and age. And you can still have the two kids and the golden retriever - gives your house even more personality! I so agree with @ARTJUNK's post - you have to acquire taste not things. Let's add experiences to that - a nice trip is much more rewarding (and grown up) than an expensive couch.
PS: I do consider shopping for Egyptian cotton towels a total waste of time & money but that's just my opinion.

I feel like a better title would have been "Does your home reflect your current lifestyle?"

I hear you kariwk. same circumstances growing up.

I agree with above posters that mentioned that the article isn't about wealth. I have some friends that have sophisticated homes that look put together well on a shopgirl budget (through DIY restoring, stalking sales, utilizing gift cards) and I've been in some homes where the owners keep investing into less expensive trendy items that don't go well together at all, and will likely be thrown out or given away in five years.

Just a quick browse on Pinterest and someone can see how to make their own napkins, curtains, hand soaps, and even stored snacks rather cheaply. Sheets and towels are not something I would buy used, but you can usually find the same high-end department store brands on sale via Amazon. I managed to get Dwell Studio bedding from Anthro on sale once for $19.95!

I sincerely think the article's intent was to start a discussion on how the homes of employed and self-sufficient adults vary from say, college students or those suffering from Peter Pan syndrome.

Gross. I don't think you have to have matching glassware to be a grown up. I have always had matching glassware. I grew up with matching glassware and when I moved out for the first time, I had matching glassware. And I was grown up not at all. Stop being so elitist and concentrate on good design. In which, in my opinion, it is not important that the art match the couch. Or that there be knick knacks cluttering the bathroom. Or that I have a lot of canned goods. And multiple throws. Having a lot of stuff doesn't make you a grown up.

@HHRI - I don't see how you can say "there is nothing wrong with wanting those things" but make such a negative connotation to those things.

You make it seem extremely pretentious to have a decent quality sofa, when it's not pretentious at all. In fact, I think that eschewing the daily priorities of taking care of your own home in order to "experience life" and telling others they're buying into "consumerism" is pretty pretentious. It's kind of like when people email AT and ask where they should put their TV, inevitably one of the first replies is something like "get rid of it" or "why would you want a TV there?" ...gee, I don't know. Maybe that person likes their TV and shouldn't have to deal with others telling them they're living their life wrongly.

PI, I disagree with you. This post is about selling a shallow and specific lifestyle, one in which your home and your possessions tell the world how grown up you are. It has very little to do with actually being grown up (self-sufficient, respectful etc.) and everything to do with the appearance of being grown up. The post begins with the author being impressed that the house is big and full of stuff and this sets the tone rather well. Having a full pantry is something that only some one with a pantry can do (excluding 90% of the worlds population in one fell swoop ), being able to fill a pantry with food is something that can only be done if you have money and access to said food. There are plenty of people around who can't access medicine and can't afford extra clean sheets and towels, who can't even afford any sheets or towels. These people aren't children, they're poor. When she's talking about people who get things done around the house, she is talking about wealth. If you're poor and are lucky enough to have a house it's likely that you don't have a dishwasher but if you somehow do and it breaks, you need both the authority to call them (which you don't usually have if you rent a place from an exploitative landlord) and the money to pay them, which plenty of adults do not. People who 'make do' do not usually do so because they are childish, lazy or indifferent but rather because they're unable to do anything else. Apartment Therapy is all about lifestyles and there's nothing wrong with a post on self-sufficiency and maturity in home design, however I take issue with the idea that the lifestyle outlined above should be held up as a template for all to aspire to and a measure of how grown up a person is.

The problem is the title forces the reader to read the article under the assumption that this is what being a grown up is.

@RuthTooth - I think the post had some built-in assumptions, but you bring up a good point that there are many, many people who can't afford any of these things. Except that's kind of something that goes along with the territory of frequenting an interior design site. This entire site is full of "first world problems" and I wager most of us are lower to upper middle class. I think most of us approached this post from that perspective, where a full pantry didn't mean you were shunning or ignore the poor or homeless, but that you could actually make dinner for friends you invite over in the spur of the moment.

I try to make my home as grown up as possible, with what I have--some Ikea, some inherited furniture, 3 male roommates, 2 dogs and 1 cat. I've learned a lot from people on the web with kids about managing my roommies' clutter, although chores are still an issue.

But I don't expect myself to ever have those perfect easy milestones of a wedding and kids, so I do sometimes wonder how I'm supposed to get a "grown up" house without a wedding registry.

No matter what happens in my life, I have found that a few floral arrangements and a tidy kitchen go a long way towards making my home feel beautiful and myself, balanced.

Two comments.

Grown-up vs ...what? I think the alternative to 'grown-up' might be 'frat-house/dorm-room', when technically you are adult but maybe your decor is random and kludged. (Cinder block and board shelves, beer accessories in plain sight, mismatched roommate bedspreads, posters held up with tape...) In college I had much more important things to do than think of my decor, but still I bought TWO bedspreads and talked my roommate into using the other one so we matched, I made a slip cover for the provided "comfortable" chair, I got throw rugs. Brought in my sound system. No space or money for more, but it made our space much more homey.

So to me, 'grown-up' means decorated with intent. You make choices of what to live with and do what you can to make the environment what you want it to be... I don't see any connection to that idea with most of the musings in the post, which are about specific components that may or may not be on target for someone. Nice china and wine glasses don't mean anything to me, and I have been a grown-up for more years than most readers of this blog have been alive!

Also, I really wish people would stop equating IKEA with trashy temporary living. I think their things are perfectly lovely for the price and for the kind of use my household makes of them. I hate antique sofas, mostly they are uncomfortable and overly styled. If you are into "traditional", maybe antiques are what you should have, but if you love contemporary but are on a tight budget (or have better places to spend your money) IKEA can definitely improve your life. I grant it's not for everyone, but this constant disdain for their products is annoying.

14 years ago, we went grown up. Laura Ashley damasks, nice lamps, the whole bit. I'm no longer in the mood to decorate like my kids' parent. I don't mind being a parent, or apparent, but I don't want to have my house seem like a parent's house. I'll probably be rebellious in the nursing home.

"I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."

This isn't about stuff, it's about calm. A grown up home is one where the ups and downs of life don't become emergencies because the people who live in the house have experienced ups and downs before so they know to plan for them. That might mean having spare batteries or clean linen to put up a guest at short notice, but it might equally well mean not running a car because you can only just afford it so any major repair is a big expense for you. It definitely means you have the number of a plumber without having to find one in the yellow pages using one hand with your other thumb over a leak (though you probably originally found him in the yellow pages with your thumb over a leak!)

I have guest linen and no car :) we do our own plumbing though...

when I first read grown-up I thought of a house with no children or older children ie. a house where there are not toys or safety things on the door. Where you can have floor plants and a sofa you don't pick out because you think it will be the most awesome at covering spilled whatever :)

A high school friend of mine recently moved to my neighborhood. We hadn’t lived close to one another since we were 17 (nearly 10 years ago) and one of the first things she said when she came to my apartment was, “Wow, you have a grown-up apartment!”

I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck as a new professional so I don’t own expensive things, but I do have a couch instead of a futon (and the couch didn’t come from Ikea – but that’s because it was cheaper than the ones at Ikea!) and I have lots of personal art on the walls in frames (some from Ikea :) ) instead of posters taped to the walls. It is more about presentation than price or number of possessions.

I think there is something that feels more permanent about an “adult” space. There is an emphasis on “home” rather than “this is where I sleep between classes/work/parties.” You can no longer fit all your possessions in your car when you move (oh man, not looking forward to moving).

I think people are getting caught up in the money aspect of this. I think it's more about value and contemplation of what's in your house and this idea of becoming an adult and having a house that reflects that, in whatever terms it means to you. I also think there is this idea of home being where you spend most of your time that people grow into with starting their own families.

A grown-up home is one that you have once you are grown, psychologically more than just your age. I've been in home full of kids and kid stuff that you could easily see it's a grown up's home-they are the ones in charge, they've got the whole thing going. And then I've been in co-worker's homes-some 30/40 ish people who are intent on having the latest greatest tech gadget and can't find 4 forks in the whole place, have barely half a roll of toilet paper, and are more about where and what they will be doing that weekend away from home. It's not consumerism, it is priorities. A few people get it right in college, more after, and some not till they are 50. And the grown up home can be anywhere-even a trailer.

But once you've gotten there, it's the best. All the posts arguing about the topic remind me of teenagers asserting that they ARE grown up. It's not how many glasses match or whatever, but you know it when you are there.

Interesting. I feel that we have the components of a grown up home - inherited antiques, furniture from high end stores, and guests do remark that we have a beautiful home. And yet, it definitely does not feel grown up to me, probably because we are a bit lazy/clueless about creating a nice homey feel. I still haven't got round to putting back up artwork after painting the walls a year ago, and furniture stays where it lands when arriving in the house because I can't be bothered to think about where it will best fit.

I agree this is about having your act together... I feel grown up about having the house finished, presentable, organized, maintained, etc - the kinds of things most people have to grow into, and some never do.

It's definitely not just about money and looks... the previous owners of our home were far fancier, older and more established, and they had the place looking like a show piece. However, they were clueless and careless about maintenance, and let problems build up for years rather than read a manual or call for repair, etc.

@Usbek de Perse Excellent Bob Dylan reference

When I first started reading this article, I actually assumed it was the opposite.

Many of my single young professional friends without children live in a spacious, uncluttered condo.

Many of my married friends with children have a home with durable furniture for the children and toys everywhere.

A grown up home is what each individual decides it is.

I am 48 years old and am now sizing down to things that I absolutely need only. The extra blankets, extra dishes, extra food, etc., that the writer finds grown-up, now feel overwhelming and unnecessary to me. I guess what feels "grown-up" is subjective.

Pi, Joydreamz, Krikkit - thank you. It's too bad that so many read this piece with a mindset of poverty or a judgmental heart, rather than as a meditation on how being an adult means caring for and providing comfort to others.

Even when my family could barely keep the lights on, we always had a clean, gracious home that was capable of welcoming and ensuring the comfort of the most esteemed guest - and all were.

It's never about money; it's always about generosity.

Great post, Abby. Lots of interesting comments, most of which seemed to miss the point, imho. (Perhaps it was the title which threw them off?) Yes, dollface, Pi got it (as usual - Pi don't miss much) as did Joydreamz & Krikkit but my absolute favorite comment was posted by Usbek de Perse *chuckle*...

QUOTE:

"I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."

(Scroll up & read the entire post to get the full effect of that bit of wisdom.)

The absolute truth in that statement cracked me up. Although I think it's more sad than humorous, truth be told. How is it that so many do not grasp that the 'components' of a 'grown up house' do not a grown up house make? Really, it all boils down to MAKING A HOUSE A HOME.

It's as simple as that.

For me, it was deciding what goes into my home instead of using all the hand-me-down things like my grandmother's ugly brown dishes and leftovers from my parent's home. When you deliberately you have, it seems you own it more. I agree with other posters about caring and comfort of others. My two best friends have dishelved homes with random things in them. When we visit, I always wonder if they were actually expecting us since there isn't any physical sign of welcome. Gladly there is always other signs of welcome but in my 40s I appreciate comfort.

There's something dissonant between what I think the intent of this post is, and the fact that the picture chosen for the post is of a very formal sitting room with decidedly un-life-friendly upholstery, that looks very staged by a realtor.

I'm trying to dissociate the words and picture, but our brains don't work that way and as a result I'm reading words like 'linens' and 'maid' with a very particular taste in my mouth.

In truth, nearly every apartment featured on AT is a better representation of grown-up home than this pic. They are grown up because they are thoughtful, joyful, made for living in, and suited to the very particular lives that their owners have chosen. They invariably include a symbolic commitment to welcoming others- whether it's an ingenious sleeping lift suspended over a dropped ceiling, or simply two matching red cups side by side on two hooks above the 18 inches of counter space.

That's what makes a grown-up home, not 10 matching place settings or a full crystal bar set.

QUOTE: In truth, nearly every apartment featured on AT is a better representation of grown-up home than this pic. They are grown up because they are thoughtful, joyful, made for living in, and suited to the very particular lives that their owners have chosen.

Well said.

I enjoyed the post. I also like interiors that are on a sophisticated, calm, mature side, well organized and well maintained. But.... having kids are reason????? Oh, no!!! Can not be true, I have two kids, and my house will never be "there" before they get old enough. My house is full of toys, artworks, tents in rooms, "rocket-ships" in living room etc. The dining table is covered with tons of acrylic paint and I am not getting a new one any time soon. The furniture is rather simple, 1) so it can be ruined and 2) because we are putting SO MUCH money to kids' college account and for their current classes and fun activities. My kids are having fun. I sacrifice the look of my house so my kids can actually DEVELOP and so I wouldn't have to panically scream "don't touch that!" everytime. I actually always felt the otherwise: dual income, no kids - more mature house. )))

I come from a "developing" country (India), draw a "middle class" income, and I'm not wealthy by any standard. While I agree with Ruthtooth that this definition of 'grownup' is not relevant for the poor, I do not think this post caters to that kind of audience. Moreover, I do suggest that we should treat the post for what it is = a feature about what a ‘grown up home’ feels like, and not about what constitutes being “grownup”.

For all those who think this feature reeks of consumerism, I’d like to highlight the questions the author poses at the end of each paragraph

Ask yourself, what are the things in my home that make me happy?
Ask yourself, do I have enough to take care of myself well?
Do I have people I can rely on to help me get things done around the house?
Ask yourself, what would someone say about me if they came into my house without knowing me?
Ask yourself, do I feel comfortable having people over?....

“happy”, “rely” ,“enough”, “comfort” are words that have nothing to do with consumerism. And I know enough poor people (including myself a couple of years ago)to know that if they read this article, this is what they would aspire their homes to be. Its good to have something good to aspire for, and a “grown up home” that makes you happy and proud would top my list.

I am thankful for the roof over my head. It's a happy place, everyone is welcome and there's always room for one more at the dinner table. My dogs love sleeping on the couch. I recyle, and repurpose out of necessity. Most of my belongings came from thrift stores and yard sales. My home, incidentally, though modest is paid for. So is my used car. If I had an extra $20k the last thing I'd spend it on is matching dishes and Egyptian cotton sheets. Probably I'd put some in the bank and donate the rest to a school for art supplies. I am an adult.

I remember being 20 something and visiting a new friends homes for dinner and feeling their places were very grown up . When I visit someone's home I always notice the little touches that I like and think about incorporating them into my home. I am a bit of a home buddy but I don't like to do housework. Therefore, my apartment with my three roommates and two cats is practically furnished. I have an antique dresser in the hallway with extra sheets and pillows all from Target ready for guests to use on our futon in the living room. My dishes don't match, I am too much of a klutz for expensive matching dishes, instead my dishes come from Goodwill. This way I don't worry if a glass, plate or bowl breaks as they often do. I do the household supplies shopping because I don't like running out of things so I make sure we have extras.

I had a grownup place when I got cookware, eatware and things to sit on whereas my first apartment in college had two beach chairs, no cookware, and no other furniture beyond a desk and bed. That's what "grownup" meant to me.

For some people "grownup" means a formal living room like the one depicted in a photograph above. Personally, I would not live in such an environment, would not even be comfortable as a guest in such an environment.

I don't have a matching set of glassware (always intend to buy one, fail). There is a nice set of dishes, but they come from my mother. There are enough towels and sheets for guests, but they do not match. My home is not grown-up. At times it is cluttered and in dire need of straightening. At other times it is pristine and airy. There is not a single piece of furniture in here that is not vintage, with the exception of my son's bed; and except that bed, nothing cost more than 200$ on the outside.

But! My home has wonderful architecture, it's warm and full of beautifully designed and/or handmade things, it reflects my personality and creates a lovely haven for my family. The glassware I have might not match, but it is all hand-blown. My pantry is well-stocked, and I cook delicious meals in the red Le Creuset pot I bought with my first fiction sale. There is wonderful art and pieces of hand-carved wood, a tapestry and vintage blankets, and a small batallion of books. There are fresh flowers in a handblown glass.vase.

I am 35 and do not ever see myself changing. I will eventually buy some "grown-up" pieces of furniture, but I never see myself living 'formally'. But I'm happy with my home.

It seems the real point about living in a grownup house is one of lifestyle. At what point were you able to CHOOSE what sort of furniture or dishes or home decor you wanted? I don't think it matters whether your couch is thrifted, IKEA, or Room & Board. Once you are able to choose what goes in your home, you feel it's more of a grown up's home.

Along with that, some of us may feel our home is more grownup because we have extra lightbulbs or (clean) sheets for a guest bed. And whether you do the repair work yourself, call the landlord, or call an "expert", it means taking care of problems. Quickly? Sometimes, and sometimes the problem gets taken care of when it can be afforded. Perhaps grownup = responsible.

Clearly many younger posters feel the sign of a grownup home is that they are able to eschew hand-me-downs or can entertain two dozen people with matching dishes. As a person "of a certain age," I agree with Sonje. The grownup home I'm still striving for is the one where I have LESS; it's where I have only what I use, what is beautiful to me, and what brings me joy.

Seems to me you can only be grown up if you are wealthy.

I never really thought or even asked myself about whether I lived in a grown-up house or not. I always desired to own a home and then one must define for themselves what "home" to them means. The reality for me was out of reach given the escalating real estate where I grew up. I had to relocate and then timing was a crucial element as well. I've always felt like a grown-up given that I've had to adapt to changing circumstances and many beyond my control. I know for a fact, that I'm less concerned with what other people think about my home, since they don't live there. I also rarely entertain, but that is aslo due to some of the people that I've met and how I feel currently. What I know is that circumstances change and people's homes may not always reflect what they desire or even aspire too. My home is certainly a work in progress, perhaps a lot like me--always growing, changing, adapting and evolving, yet there's stability too. You're home is really the one that you make for yourself.

It's funny how not liking the room in the picture definitely prejudiced my reading of the article. Nothing about white couches or glass table tops says "home that is comfortable for children" to me. And I don't mean giving up all sense of style with toys strewn all over, just having furniture that my kids can also use without worry, since it's their home as well.
I have a "grown-up home" in the sense of being able to offer guests clean sheets and towels. I have a real bed, wine glasses and a bread knife, and I make sure I have diet coke when my mother-in-law comes over, all things my parents still eschew in the name of rejecting bourgeois conventions (or something). But my parents' home has a very personal style and is also "grown-up" in its way. It's about living the way you want to, I think, so no guest can make the call on that.

To me, being a grown up means eschewing what matters to the Joneses and acting on what matters to you. The version of grown up described in this post is different from my version. I think I'm going to eschew this version.

To me "grown up" means there is a natural progression from how I used to decorate say my bedroom as a teenager vs how I decorate it as an adult. There's a huge difference between my old walls plastered in magazines/posters/photos on cork boards to a well done piece of art/mirror/bedroom set showcasing nicely framed photos. It's not about money. It's about presentation. One day using tape to stick up a poster isn't going to 'feel right'.
Mind you as much as I'd like to have a nice AT/magazine style insert home, right now like @NatashaTar my kitchen table is covered in scuffs, paint and markers b/c of kids art work, I have lots of washable chair covers as they are usually attacked by the same items + juice bottle spills. And investing in expensive rugs? Forget it. I'm always looking for another one b/c ours will be destroyed by the end of the year.

I have two young kids. No way I could have a LR like the one pictured. Here's my gigantic expensive painting 3" over the couch! I can have some nice things but that LR doesn't belong to people with kids.

To me, grown-up also involves a place that is functional and clean. I'm not thrilled with our couch in our new place (we need a different couch to fit this space) but to me it feels grown up when things are put away and clean.

This is a beautiful room and I cannot imagine ever having anything like it though not sure why. It makes me feel less an adult to say that. I remember when my children were young and I wondered if I would ever feel like I lived in an adult home (toys everywhere, everything kiddie geared - fun but maybe not adult?). Even now I wonder. To pull a room together completely and make it look adult takes more than I seem to have in skill, but one measure for me is that when I come home, my house feels so right, in spite of its decor flaws. Maybe an adult house is just being a happy adult and living in a home that reflects that. Who knows?

I am afraid that I don't move beyond (out of) an IKEA showroom. Thanks for listing a few things to strive for and for defining adulthood.

I think folks are focusing a little too much on the picture. The picture isn't the point of the article. The article inspired me to run to Walmart and get some spoons because apparently my kids eat spoons and I sadly only had 3. Im a minimalist and my concept of enough differs greatly from say, my mother's or Martha Stewart's. I'll never have a formal dining room set with the china for display as I like simple plain white dishes. But, I like having enough of whatever it is I need and like.

I just turned 30 and although I have wanted a 'grownup' house for a few years now my husband and I have finally agreed on what that means for us. He thought we would have to get rid of our more interesting decorations like our vintage monster movie posters or our large porcelain dragon. I explained that all I really wanted were things like posters in frames, shot glasses in the den and NOT the living room and a color coordinated living room.

I don't even live in a grownup apartment.

I agree with other posters (ruthtooth and teakfreak and others) in such that extra blankets, good cutlery and the like are not what define grown-up.
Having a grown-up home is one that represents you, shows how you have grown and you feel confortable in. This should be independent of how others may have chosen to have their houses. don't let these things define you.

@TEAKFREAK..I thank you for your words as I am moving to an apartment in a very nice town, but what was available was in a 'multi'..which I did NOT want again..and not how I pictured myself, with the lack of leafy green trees..and cozy yard space..in a gracious colonial two family..I've been all horrible about it instead of grateful I did obtain this easily, to be closer to my daughter and family. Your words will make a difference to me now, to not define myself by my address but to take pride in it, whatever circumstances brought me there, financially, but I will always make a cozy home with my painted furniture and kind and welcoming ways...and CREATIVITY ; ) My cat is welcome, hardwood floors..are my tradeoff for no laundry in bldng...Many wonderful thoughts here and common sense living people..: )

This is a very interesting discussion. Some people are focusing on the quality and quantity of objects described in the article, and others are focusing on the nature of those items.

For me, this post comes hours after signing the lease to move into my first non - college-owned apartment and remarking that I finally feel like an adult. However, when our friends come over, which is often, we get a lot of comments about how peaceful our place is. These friends have apartments mostly identical to ours, but something about our space puts them at ease. I'm not the best interior decorator on the block, but we are really intentional about everything we bring into our home and I think that's one thing that is crucial to this article.

The items in a grownup home are chosen items. They were weighed and measured and entered the door for a calculated reason - even if the consideration was "do I need all of these mismatched tupperware pieces from mom? where will I put them? shouldn't I toss the ones without lids?" Or the consideration may be "I really need to keep extra batteries and lightbulbs in my home, they are essential to have."

Our furniture and belongings are a mixture of new and used, discounted and free, but they were all selected to be in our lives. My $1 IKEA water glasses sit on the same shelf the as the gold-leaf antiques from my great-grandmother; both have their purpose and both were brought into my home because I loved them, had a use for them, and had space for them.

It may be defined a lot differently in countries with "stuff" less plentiful. But here I think that that ONE definition of a grownup living space is a curated home.

I don't think that IKEA comment was to say some people don't want to stay with their IKEA furnishings. I think moreso it is that point in life where things feel deliberate. Your couch isn't the one your aunt gave you, or you bought on sale at Target because you couldn't sit on the floor. Its when you can invest in pieces that are yours and not just there.

That said my boyfriend and I have been arguing about this a lot lately. I just turned 21 and signed our mortgage in October and I CRAVE that home feeling. Right now we're debating art. He says, "21 year olds dont have ART on the wall! They have posters! You're pretentious" but really I just want something ours, not torn out of magazines to make due.

Most people I know are either in their last years of college or just got out, so I'm definitely seeing a different transition than the one described in this article. But at my school most older students live in apartments off campus, and some of what is written here still makes sense - a big difference is the sense of permanence, or investment in a space.

The example about extra linens really rang true for me, and I don't mean the luxury of having an extra matching set. For us it was quite honestly the difference between having an extra blanket and pillow for a friend who is staying with us, and having to take one off of someone's bed. My roommates and I all have to fly to get to college, so bringing extra blankets was a luxury we weren't going to do, and didn't until our space started feeling like home. Same thing with towels - this is our first time having more than two towels per person. We even have towels to dry your hands on now! Pretty fancy...

The big sign for me is pictures - grownups have framed pictures, kids just tack/tape them to the wall. *Grins.* We are trying to take baby steps towards this in our new place, and my first step is getting a framed picture of the "family" (people who are currently living in the apartment).

I actually get this post entirely, without meaning anything about the consumerist standpoint. I bought my first home this last fall, and came from what was a very temporary living situation. I don't have a lot of money, but I want the place to feel like me, to feel complete, to feel like 'home' to me and my guests. Even though it's my first condo and not where I intend to spend my life, I want it to feel like it has a sense of permanence and comfort. It's coming together slowly because I don't have lots of money, and only bring home what I love. I put extra spending money I have toward art and I shop resale and sales constantly. I consider 'nice' dishes and glasses to be things that will last, not plastic or otherwise. Random dishware pieces that I buy second had I think are quite nice. I can buy furniture second had that is better quality and cheaper than something I would buy from Target or IKEA, and I love it more. I don't think that these things make me particularly consumerist.

@urbancricket check yourself. that's just mean. I bet @fatskinnygirl has a lot of friends and family who were happy to give her and her spouse presents to create a lovely home. No need to be so accusatory. Jesus Christ.

My younger brother has a beautiful grown-up home- AND he does it on a barista's meager budget. But he buys things carefully and smartly and spends the little money he has so wisely. He cooks lovely meals and makes me feel so at home when I visit. (Makes his own cleaning supplies, tooth paste, buys home supplies at thrift stores, etc) I wish I could have such a grown-up home. I'm so proud of him. You don't need money to be a grown-up, but you certainly need to be mature. I'm getting there, but it takes some smarts.

This post made me remember a funny moment from the past. My house is very personal: full (and I mean full) of antiques, collections, textiles, art. Really, I guess it is my sole hobby, and I spend most of my free time (and money) combing flea markets, sewing, rearranging things, all for the purpose of creating my vision of home. I adore its old-world/arty/bohemian vibe, though I totally understand it's not for everyone. This was brought home (ha, see what I did there) to me when my kid was a teenager, and he pronounced smugly that when HE got his own place, it would be much more modern and minimalist, and that he would get "really NICE furniture, like from Ikea." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry (but I laughed, and still laugh when I think about it now.)

@horror vacui I know what you mean! I have a similar style. I love books and lots of precious-to-me knick-knacks and whatnot. My house is full of things that I find beautiful, though I'm sure to some it seems disorganized and not very well curated. I think that's just a testament to your kid's ability to know what he likes design wise and feel comfortable enough telling you about it, even though it's not your own taste. When I was a teenager I thought ikea was the height of style, even though i'm kinda shamed to admit it.

I understand what this post is getting at. It's a level of planning, optimising, and organisation that I'll never achieve, unfortunately. Friends find me infuriatingly disorganised and childish - we sometimes give a few hours' notice when entertaining. However, the ones who do have the patience to come over are always treated to the best that we can afford.

I do have to agree that I feel a "grown up" home is one with enough linens and food to at least whether a week or two. I also like extra linens and towels so I could go a week or two without needing to do laundry if something more important came up. I never understood the people who keep one set of sheets around and just enough towels for them for two days. Why on earth would you do this to yourself? I want to be able to come home and relax.

I feel like a grown up home to me means that I am comfortable in it, and I expect to stay, and I invite others in because I feel so good about it. I live in an old farmhouse rental, with no children, and I sometimes catch myself looking around and realizing that this is the adult version of me that used to be comfortable with a lack of permanence...and it's funny that I should feel that way, because at age 40 I am still a renter...but I do. I'm not afraid to commit, and not afraid of the implications of permanence. 15 years ago that reeked of boring, no trip to Europe, no nights out seeing good bands. Now, somehow, the exact same things to me mean garden, hosting friends and family, a general different type of internal growth.
We have our linens full of blankets for guests, and a bedroom with an extra bed for friends, and we fix what is broken. To me, this is actually less consumerism than rejecting the ideas above. We happen to have lots of blankets, but a lot of them are from thrift stores, and the furniture is a reflection of many years as an avid thrifter. I don't think that the shift from house to home is really about spending money at all. I think it's about embracing an environment where you I can easily live after coming to terms that I am a more mature version of who I have been in the past.

I think you create a grown-up home when you feel a grown up yourself, which doesn't necessarily happen with a stable relationship and children. To me a grown up home is cohesive and well put together, well stocked and with no obvious embarrassments. I'm not there yet ;-)

I think I'll have a grown-up home when I can stop living with roommates in order to pay the rent, and replace my "make-do" furniture with furniture I've actually chosen. It does add up to a more permanent sense of home and reaching one of those milestones.

We're kind of in-between, but definitely lean towards not-yet-grown-up, even though we're married and now have a child. I guess it's because we're still both in graduate school (read: low income), we rent, and got married right out of college. I'm not complaining, though---I'm cool with it (most of the time). But we definitely feel a big difference when we visit our parents' homes, and it's all the things you listed here---the feeling of plenty, especially. The concept of a spare room, spare linens, spare furniture. I do poke fun at our moms, though; though they're both empty-nesters now, their fridges are always crazy full (much fuller than ours)! I guess old habits die hard.

I really enjoyed this post and it made me feel a little emotional too.
Even though I lived with my boyfriend for 4 years in an apartment we really took care of before getting married, we bought our first house a year ago - a very old and needy one. We spent the last 14 months renovating pretty much everything, making this place our very own. I developed so many new skills along the way, I DO feel much more like a grown up now. I guess this rite of passage DID happen to me, I just hadn't realized it until reading this post (watery eyes). I totally get what the author means, there is a real feeling of abundance and self-sufficience that comes with having tools in the garage to fix our own things, extra buckets of paints in the basement to refresh a vintage piece of furniture on a saturday afternoon and yes, clean sheets/pillows to offer to our tired friends after a party. It's not about where your stuff comes from. It's about not having to call your parents everytime you need something. It's about building a Nest for the long haul. Building a place that really feels like a home. For us, it's also about feeling like we're ready to have kids of our own (watery eyes again).

I gotta say, I always loved having a pretty space to live in and always felt home even when I rented. But it's different this time. I think it's about investing yourself in your space. Giving it a lot of love and warmth, so that it can send it right back.

This would be a nice, cozy book. Someone should go for it. You can invu me and my husband about trying to create a grownup home. LOL. kind of kidding.