Bravo. Great post.

The chaos is out of hand when the mice get comfortable, you can't find any of the phones, several left shoes have gone awol, and the dust has dust on it. Otherwise you're fine.

There is a tipping point, however, when happy chaos becomes a black hole. I believe even young children like order. It feels safe.

This winter, my husband rescued a very large appliance box from the recycling downstairs (not as big as a fridge--maybe a dishwasher?). Our daughter turned it into a house, with an attic (part of Fresh Direct box) and windows. She wallpapered it with old wrapping paper and put up pictures. She furnished it. She glued on shingles. Then it grew an enclosed courtyard (another Fresh Direct delivery). And then, a WELL, with a peaked roof. Great indoor fun, until finally, I just could not take it anymore. (We live in a 750 sq foot 1-bedroom--fairly spacious but not meant to be the outer shell of a real estate Russian doll). First, the well HAD to go. And then the patio. And finally, we heralded spring by dismantaling it all. Our apartment seems HUGE! So creative messes are good--but so is finally putting your foot down, cleaning up, and reveling in all that fresh SPACE.

I go through a cycle each month, likely hormonal, where I say "ah to hell with it" and let my house descend into (my version) of chaos, then go through a "enough is enough!" phase where I clean and tidy like a mad woman, then it's sort of a maintenance phase where I Swiffer daily, do the dishes directly after dinner and return the jar of peanut butter to the cabinet straight away... only to one week later be like "ah, to hell with it!" Rinse, lather, repeat!!!!

Funny. I was JUST talking about this with my friend the other day. She has a few kids (I don't have any). We were reminiscing over the fact that, while we both had a childhood filled with pirate ships made from every pillow in our room, and hours of pulling out every toy and playing all of them at once, we were NEVER doing this in the living room (where kids today seem to have free rein). Plus, if we didn't pick up our mess when we were done, we didn't get dessert. End of story.

Our creativity was never squelched but it also never caused added stress on our hardworking moms. Seems today lots of people parent from a guilt that keeps them from laying down the (tidiness) law, no? Xo

Ugh, I totally, totally get this, though I take some perspective from the fact that my mother spent my entire childhood doing the same thing. She was always striving to always have a "perfect" home, and from what I see now, probably missing lots of warm, great "together" moments because she was afraid of making a mess or letting the neighbors see her as a little disorganized. Guess what? My mother's house is now perfect. We're grown, my mother misses having us around, but we never "converge" on the house because we're so afraid of messing it up :-). Nope. It's always a reminder to focus less on the crumbs and more on who is with me!

@SmarterAlec, no. Were you also not allowed in the kitchen? Or to play in the family room? Our living room is relatively neat compared to the disaster in the kitchen and the family room. Try not to be too judgemental when you don't have kids of your own. XO

love this! with a 4 + 2 year old I completely relate. we are very laid back with our kids--our house isn't large and we live in it. Does that mean messy? Sometimes, but we clean it up and are teaching our kids to clean up too.

I decided to make this my mantra about 6 months ago. I have a 2 year old and I work from home. I was driving myself nuts trying to do everything all the time. I watched my mother descend into depression and alcoholism, partially due to trying to keep up with looking "perfect". So what if my laundry sits on the couch for a day sometimes?! I'm staying sane and getting work done, and that is more important to me than cleaning my counters twice a day. :)

The trick I found was to have well-designed storage.

It worked great in our house in Switzerland -- we had a long (dramatic wall of low storage units in the living room -- the top served as a brilliant play surface, and when it was time to stop playing, everything could be quickly tucked into the drawers. Usually, we had some toys on display -- Dylan Freith wooden vehicles and wheeliebugs are beautiful and sculptural.

Their rooms in Switzerland, although tiny (only wide enough for a single bed and a door), everything fit -- their wall storage displayed their toys and books (and treasures) but was quickly tidied.

Here, it doesn't quite work.

We're missing lots of built-in storage and furniture.

Hope we get it together again before too long; they grow up so fast!

My house goes from clean to chaos and back again within a days. The only way I try to rationalize it is by reminding myself, that one day the kids will be gone and I will all the time in the world to make it look "presentable" and I will probably miss the noise, mess and sounds of the kids in the house. BTW here's a link that will make every parent feel better:

A Real House Tour - with kids

http://crappypictures.com/2011/08/house-tour-with-amber-of-crappy-pictures.html

I guess it has never occurred to me to try to keep my house looking perfect while my kids are playing, but it has also never occurred not to tidy it up (with their help) at the end of the day. As long as there is a designated place for everything, it isn't too painful. And, though my kids definitely do play in the living room and kitchen, I just don't let those messes pile up. My own desk and bedroom are actually more likely to be a mess!

Duane, I'm sorry that you read my comment as "judgmental", especially when others seem to be saying a similar thing. I really wasn't placing judgment, I was just commenting on a post that specifically asked for opinions. Also, a "family room" isn't a living room. Plus I added that my friend who has children had the same experience.

But thanks for pointing out how, since I don't have kids, I have no place in the discussion. I should just keep quiet and wait until the conversation turns to sconces . Xo.

@Smarteralec and @Duane Hill - I don't see the problem here. Or the judgment. When I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to build massive forts in the living room, either, mostly because forts aren't meant to be moved. I built them in my bedroom or in the basement. I don't see the problem with telling kids they need to respect certain shared spaces.

Thanks for the thoughtful post and the great comments. This is a daily struggle for me with the 6 of us living in a 1,300 sq. ft. house. Many of my friends have much larger houses, and I find them to look cheerfully lived-in when messy; in my small house, on the other hand, the walls seem to close in and it looks cluttered and unkempt even with relatively few messes. But just yesterday one of my children's friends noted that I'm the "neat mom," and that really gave me pause. Clearly I need to strike a better balance! The struggle continues....

aaahhhh i love love love this article. I live in a little apartment in the middle of Amsterdam with my husband and baby boy and two dogs. We renovated this place ourselves and have minimalist tastes and the arrival of the baby meant that I went on a crazy round up of the house every night in a cleaning and tidying frenzy.

My escape is my bathroom. It's in the style of my favourite ayurvedic spa and I work my ass off to keep it serene. I melt into it at the end of the day and feel totally zen.

@SmartAlex and PI, no where in this article is there mention of a "living room" so stop with the strawman. Your point was that the living room was sacrosanct and guess what, in most houses it still is - the disaster occur in other rooms. How do you deal with the disaster in the kitchen? A family room? Bedrooms? Baths? The undercurrent to me seems to be "get off my lawn."

@Smarteralec..I would have to agree. I was raised the same way. We made forts out of blankets and books but were always expected to clean up afterwards. I don't know how my mom did it! But I am grateful she was consistent taught me the responsibility of being a part of a family.

I know we never, ever got to make a mess in the living room or in our parents' room. We could play in the dining room but had to clean it up. The family room was freer, but even there, the only toys that remained there day to day were the larger ones that would have cramped our room. Of course, it helped that we had a large back yard. I'd be willing to bet that a lot of play moves outside for people with fenced in yards -- and that the same activity stays inside, and thus more chaotic, for families in urban areas.

Well, my daughter has a space in each and every room, except our bedroom. It is her house too. I put down a blanket in the corner of the living room and it's all hers. She keeps all of her crafts, books, art supplies, projects, etc. on it. It's been there three years. And it's a lifesaver for me. I don't have to nag her constantly to clean up. If it's on the blanket, it's good.

Smarteralec, your "lay down the law" attitude will likely change once you have kids of your own. You pick your battles.

I am a working parent and I agree entirely with Smarteralec and support his/her right to state his opinion here, on a public website. @Duane Hill - you are lucky to have a separate living room and family room, which does help to contain messes.

Today I was hoping to get the house picked up a bit. Then the kiddos wanted a lemonade stand right after school. With freshly baked cookies. Of course! It was hilarious & a beautiful day to be outside, so we did it. Along with a dozen other neighborhood kids, that kept running inside to use the bathroom, get a toy, etc. So my plan for a picked up house was foiled again. Still, a lovely, lovely afternoon.

Now, off to the kitchen so I can clean up the cookie mess, dinner mess, regular mess :)

Thanks, GOSTANFORD. I have to admit, I was surprised that my comments were singled out with such fury, since others in this thread agreed or said something similar.

Maybe it was my suggestion that there is a guilt attached that keeps people from asserting our parent's (not mine, Bejeweled) "lay down the law" approach. Regardless, I'm sorry if I touched a nerve.

As proud grandmother of these 3 active boys (and 2 granddaughters) I have to admit that I am so delighted that my daughter has realized at a much earlier age than I did that children will remember happy days engaged in creative play with their parents enjoying the amusing dialogue and carefree, joy-filled hours. As a child visiting at my grandmother's house I was warned to sit quietly on the sofa with hands in lap and feet held still, so as not to upset her. Visits to her home do not hold warm memories for me... not surprisingly. Childhood is a fleeting moment in time. When my grand kids leave my house and I move around picking up toys, sweeping up crumbs and wiping up occasional baby spit up I may grumble slightly but ultimately whisper a prayer in thanksgiving for the blessings they have brought into my life.

I have 2 boys (4 1/2 and 21 months old) and I realized sometimes kids need to be kids. Yes, sometimes the chaos gets to me but I realized that there is no such thing as a perfect house. I like to think of my house as lived in. We have a play room for the boys but somehow they love to venture out into the living/dining room with random cars and pillows for their forts. We do try to teach them that there is a space for everything but I also realize that at their age their focus is to have fun and be creative. Do I grumble at having to sweep crumbs a few times a day? yes. As cheesy as this sounds nothing brings a smile to my face seeing the boys being immersed in play and just being happy with their cars and imaginary forts and ramps. And I also love how my sweet boy occasionally reminds me when I get overwhelmed that "it's not the end of the world..."

We have a multi-generational house with separate apartments. My mom's section is as tidy as only a bored person with lots of time can make it. My son and his wife and 8 year old daughter have busy lives and total chaos in their space. My place is pretty laid back but not out of control. Everybody thinks everybody else is bonkers for keeping their place the way they do but usually manage to keep our mouths diplomatically shut about it and we all manage to keep the common areas (yard, entryway)reasonably tidy. When my granddaughter is at my mom's or my place it's "my house my rules" but at her place it's a free for all. It's like some crazy fairy tale - this one's too tidy, this one's too messy, and this one might be just right.

Loved this post! And the picture looks very familiar. : ) With three boys in the house, this is a balance I have tried for years to keep.

Having grown up in a rather cluttered house, I am a bit of a neat freak now, and clutter can really stress me out. However, I try really hard to let my kids be kids and to tolerate the messes that come with a houseful of kids. It's gotten easier since they are older now and can help with maintaining the household.

When they were toddlers/babies, it was an impossible battle. We'd have piles of laundry on the couch sometimes for days on end, and occasionally they'd start throwing the laundry around for fun! I still remember the day I scrambled to straighten up the living room because a new neighbor was stopping by. We chatted on the couch for awhile, and after she left, I noticed a pair of my underwear was hanging from a floral arrangement just inches from where she's been sitting!! Embarrassing then, but it's a story that we all laugh about now. : )

Is part of the issue the definition of "living room" and "family room"? That might be what is traditional...but this site is called Apartment Therapy; most of us don't have both rooms. Many houses don't have both rooms. "Living room" and "family room" may have traditional meanings, but it's hardly practical for a family to always have both. Hence, a "living room" and "family room" are often one and the same, and should be respected shared space. The names have become interchangable as people live without having both.

The people I know who seem to be most successful at maintaining the balance are the ones who make it easy to put things away, by having plenty of closed storage on hand, and creating a space to store things near where they are used.

Gaidig, that's it exactly.

I have friends with toddlers who keep a crazy-clean house, and it makes me feel pathetic! My own son is only six months old, but baby gear+generous grandparents+lots of travel= three ring circus in our small house. It does help IMMENSELY that we limit what we buy for him to what is absolutely necessary; it's hard to make a huge mess if there are only a handful of toys involved. We try to make sure we know where it will "go" if we bring home a new thing. Also, we try to work a few minutes of tidying into the bedtime routine: clean up the dinner dishes while baby is still in the highchair banging his spoon, and put all of his toys/blankets/dirty clothes away while one parent gives a bath.

Note I say "we try" because chaos still reins in here most of the time. I don't want to trade in play time with my baby for an organized basement/spotless kitchen floor. So, it is what it is.

Hmm. Perhaps my post about a large cardboard house in the living room inspired the (mild) snark? We live in 750 sq feet and that includes every inch: the closets, the bathroom, that's IT. The living room is exactly that: where we all live, all the time. There's no where else to go, unless you are going to bed, to bathe, or to cook/eat. If I didn't allow a mess in the living room, I'd basically never be allowing a mess at all. I think every family has to figure out how to use the space they've got with the people/pursuits that will take place there. Otherwise, it doesn't feel like home. But my thing is clean, not clutter. The fort I can live with. Actual dirt: no. Everybody gets to draw their own lines.

My husband and I live with our kids who are 4, 2, and 2 in a 960 square foot house. Thankfully, we have a big yard in a mild climate. We've made an outdoor playroom and have moved many of the more obnoxious toys outside. My house looks like a disaster after an hour of free play time while I cook dinner. Having a place for everything helps things get cleaned up when it's time (realistically not every day). When it is time to pick up, I try to have an incentive (going outside, a show, going on a outing), which helps a TON. I give each a focused task (all the cars, all the legos, all the dress-up clothes, all the books, etc.), which really helps. My 4 year-old is getting really good at it (especially if I ask her to "organize"), so I have a lot of hope that in a couple of years, our house may have a nice balance of fun and order. Right now, the balance is a lot more fun (I hope!), and I know that it is just a season. I LOVE having art supplies outside in their huge homemade playhouse. They are free to create, and I can relax knowing that little hands covered in paint aren't touching the walls and furniture!

Oh, I forgot the most important part of my routine. After all the kids complete their focused tasks picking up the most obvious categories of mess, I get out the dust mop and push all of the random stuff left (including what was missed under the furniture) into a big pile, and my oldest rescues and puts away whatever she doesn't want in the trash. She's a sentimental, semi-organized hoarder, so a lot goes into her junk drawer.

Exactly! We don't have a 'parlour' or formal living room that must be kept pristine. We only have our actual living room, and we all live there. Forts? Yes please!

In the past, it was only the very wealthy who had the luxury of space that only was used on formal occasions (sitting, dining). Now there is this expectation that everyone should have formal spaces as well as living spaces, and I'm not sure it's to the benefit of anyone -- adults, kids, or the environment. More space = more space to clean, heat, and furnish = more drain on family time, as well as financial and earthly resources. I prefer to live small, for all those reasons, and can happily deal with the messy house if that's the compromise required.

I grew up with 2 siblings and a stay-at-home mom in Arizona. I remember hearing, "Take it outside!" just about every day. We played mostly in the front and back yards, and in the desert behind our house. If it was hot, we were in the pool. Although we were rarely inside, we were allowed to play quietly in our rooms. Every night before bed, we each had to pick up everything that belonged to us, and put it away. And although our house was never picture perfect clean, at least it didn't look like a bomb went off.

I totally agree with @SMARTERALEC, and she has her right to comment. Couldn't this be a discussion for people without kids? I bet the team behind Apartment Therapy didn't anticipate all the "discussion" between parents & non-parents when they decided on their redesign! But that's besides the point…

One more thought...even though I err on the side of letting the kids live and play freely throughout the house, I do notice that after we have a big clean-up session every other day or so, all of the toys seem even more fun, and they get more creative with them. I think that kids' minds (just like ours) can get cluttered and overwhelmed when they are in a messy space. When things are neat and tidy, they are nicer to each other and have more fun (but, then they just make more mess). And the beat goes on...

@Snoozn11, the use of boldface is obnoxious. Yes, comment, but respectfully, please. As for "take it outside," we live 12 stories up. That's a hell of a drop.

Though my husband and I aren't very neat ourselves (we're both prone to piling), I planned to keep baby stuff out of our den (family room/living room). 17 months into being a parent, I've abandoned that completely, not out of exhaustion but just because I love having my daughter play in there! We turned our dining area, which is in the same open space, into her play area, complete with a shaggy rug and homemade tent. I guess it's a little tacky, but I did match the colors to our other decor, at least. Most of her books and toys get shoved in an expedit in that area at the end of each day, but there's no mistaking it's a child's space even then.
Of course sometimes she plays in her room, but I wouldn't choose it over the den/ex-dining area if I were her either - she wants to be where the living is happening. Working parents get to spend so little time with their kids. I'm so glad she enjoys hanging out in the den with us from 5:30-8:30 on weeknights :)

@CMCINNYC Oh, I just wanted it to stand out from my fluff, since that's a way we struck balance between chaos and order. Sorry it came off as obnoxious!

Storage is definitely important- I live in a country where closets in the home are not the norm. Investing in storage options helped me immensely, and there are growing number of budget friendly solutions. Minimizing what you really need and buy helps reduce extra items in the house. Items that serve multiple purposes help in small spaces, such as living room furniture that has built in storage, beds with storage under them, ect. I also keep toys with lots of small pieces either out of reach/sight or limited (as much as possible) to only one area of the home- such as arts&crafts, board games, and legos. When he asks for these monitored playthings, they are extra fun and special for him to play with because they are not out all day.

Our living room functions as a place to visit with guest as well as his main play area. My child has a special storage place for his toys in our living room that can easily be picked up and contained just as fast as they were pulled out! : ) I don't hassle over organizing toys on open shelving, but prefer a toy box that can collect and conceal everything, which for us is mostly wooden train tracks and toy vehicles! Pick up is simple for me and my three-year old.

Like GG_MS, pre-baby I intended to keep the toys and baby clutter out of the living room. I recall being horrified when visiting my inlaws, who had turned the dining room into a playroom with wall to wall toy bins. That place felt like total chaos and I found it overwhelming.

Then I had a baby and remembered that my attitude was coming from my parents, who made my childhood miserable by insisting that the house always be perfectly clean and organized. They stressed me out and yelled if there was a single dish in the sink and made it clear that their priority was a clean house, not a happy kid. Now when I visit homes where a toddler lives that is perfect, I feel bad for the kid because I remember how that felt.

I've never been fanatic about cleaning my house (my parents traumatized me a bit) but I did realize at some point that I was always apologizing to guests if things were messy. Then I decided that we all have priorities and we need to own them. Having a perfect house isn't a priority for me. Spending quality time with my family and friends, having a fun, loving, warm home and spending time cooking or reading or exercising in my "free time" are my priorities. I do try to keep the house mostly organized and we do clean up toys with my toddler every night before bedtime but I really don't worry if everything isn't picture perfect or ready for guests to drop in. We have a bin of toys and stacks of books in the living room and a toy kitchen in our dining room. If I'm going to have one clean room, it has to be the kitchen because we cook a lot and dirt/mess in the kitchen makes that difficult. Beyond that, I'm focusing on enjoying my toddler.

Love your post and your honesty about the reasons we try to maintain or keep a well-kept house. I feel the same way. Some days I can clean the house, and other days I can't and then I get frustrated. In the end, I realized that I needed to lower my expectations, do what I can, and most importantly be more present with the kids instead of worrying about the chaos.

Now on your questions "How do you strike a balance between chaos and order in your home?" I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, so right now, if I'm not too tired, I often do the cleaning/tidying in the evening once the kids are asleep. I also have house cleaning once a week which helps a lot. And finally, we have only a few toys available for play and I regularly de-clutter.

Gowing up with a mom who was a little too preoccupied with cleaning (from a kid's perspective), I probably inherited some of that neurotic behavior. I do feel more peaceful and relaxed in my home when things are put away after being used. But with a 17 month old, I'm thankful that we don't have a zillion surfaces and tchochkes I would have to clean under. I play with my child a lot more than my parents played with me. I think this is very much a generational thing and our current culture's style toward living is more open ended from room to room. Until my child doesn't want to spend time in the same room with us, unfortunately, the whole house has a little bit of him everywhere. When he's old enough to help put away things, there will be valuable lessons in that too: respect our space, value what we have and care for your stuff.

There must be a magical stuff-to-square footage ratio beyond which, a space is officially cluttered. Anyone know what it is?

Maintaining a balance is a daily struggle for most parents. You want a tidy home, but you also want your kids to just be able to be kids. Not to mention when I try really hard to keep my home pristine I usually end up ignoring my kids way more than I should be. As a stay at home mom, I like to reserve mornings for cleaning, then get out of the house after lunch to keep us from undoing what I had just cleaned. Also, a monthly edit of our toys helps a ton. But I need to keep reminding myself that in the grand scheme of things, I don't want my kids to remember me as the mom who was always cleaning, I want to be remembered as the mom who played with them and took them on fun adventures. I figure I'll have plenty of time once the kids our out of the house to focus on keeping a tidy home. Then again, I don't want my kids to remember their childhood home as being in a constant state of disarray... Such a struggle. Oh, to have a daily housekeeper...

I do things a bit differently. I was once told to put myself first and this is what i do in regards to the house. There will be a pile of dishes to do and I'll be on the couch knitting and sipping tea. I am not saying that I don't clean up, but I take time for myself before doing a job.

This may seem backwards to what most people do. Most people I know run around cleaning, then as a reward for their hard work, sit down to enjoy a good cuppa. However when ever I do that, as soon as I have my feet up after a whirlwind cleaning, the kids are all over me.

Now I take my time first, when they are first interested in a new activity, then when they finally do come to see what I am up to, they see that I am busy so leave me for another 5-10 minutes or so.

I try to tidy the living room as I go, and the kid's toys are mostly kept downstairs, but no rooms are off limits to the kids or theirs toys. THe family room is the craziest room, and we don't put things away often, but when there is a new fun activity to do, it motivates the kids to hep clean up their mess so they can partake in something new and exciting. Or we just ignore the house and go jump on the trampoline and eat popcorn for dinner!

I like your approach, Mamaedgar!!

I grew up in a very cluttered house - my other family members just were no tidy people (this continues today in their own happy homes). So, I was so relieved when I first got my own place to be able to keep things clean.

Fast forward 15+ years and I now have a husband and a 5yo son. He loves to play, and we love to play with him. He loves rockets and Legos so do we. He loves to build forts, and so do we (even in the living room). So, while dishes and laundry are important, those things can be done after playtime is over (when he is in bed). Once a month or so we do a big clean and purge (both our son and ourselves) and resdiscover books we haven't read, toys that have been buried in the toybin, and art projects we never completed. These discoveries fuel our imagination and bring us joy.

Our house is NEVER immaculate, and it is true we could purge more and pare back to just the essentials. But, our home is full of pictures, books and toys he plays with every day. It is a home that is well-loved and well-lived in and friends and family enjoy visiting. Best of all, we enjoy living in it!

The battle between cleanliness and fun is a constant battle in our house -- I'm working on letting it go so I can enjoy the times rather than dread them because I can't get to the countertops.

Maybe I just need that rug -- I LOVE IT! Can we get more info?

most of the time, i don't mind the mess the kids make, they're kids and that's what they do.
however it's important that the toys get picked up once playtime is over. i mean, who wants to step on Legos or tiny cars..? what actually irritates me the most is that my husband NEVER picks up his stuff. i need tips on that!!

@Visualizestacy Exactly.

Also, I thought I might share that my 2 year old has been with my mom for the entire week and I planned on getting in lots of uninterrupted cleaning time. Until I told myself: You can clean the house when she's here, but can you take a nap, watch a movie, read a book or just plain DO NOTHING when she's here? No, you cannot. She comes back Saturday and my husband and I plan on cleaning things up Friday after work.

Enjoy time together! Either with your significant other or your kiddos :)

@vedjen Thank you! It's the Turner Rug from Crate and Barrel, and I got it for a song when they were (apparently) closing them out. I couldn't find it on their site this morning!

I really enjoyed hearing everyone's perspective on a subject we all have experience with! Thanks for taking the time to weigh in.

We also lived in a very small house with limited storage when kids were young. Our strategies: food and drink at the dining table only, not too many toys, but good quality, versatile ones (lego, wooden blocks, dress-up gear, etc.), and most important, outside play time every day even if it was just a walk around the block on miserable weather days. We all did a quick pick up before dinner. After dinner was baths, stories, and bed! Then I could do the dishes and sweep the floors. Grandparents kept some of their gifts to the kids at their homes. Triage the old stuff after birthdays and xmas. My housekeeping standard was cleanish, but not obsessive.

This post made me feel much better about the state of my house! I came to Apartment Therapy tonight to search "organization" and I could really relate to this...

Simple rule - let the kids have their fun! as long as they clean up- can at the end of the day ot even the next day bottomline is eventually they need to be responsible and not expect mommy or daddy to be cleaning up after them all the time. and i am a firm believer that they can play anywhere in the house within reason! first we banish them to their rooms and then when they grow older, read teenagers, we complain that they never come out of their room. The kids should be allowed to treat the whole house as their own because it is theirs as well!!

My husband and I had similar experiences growing up: our bedrooms were *ours*. The rest of the house belonged to our parents. There were very rare occasions where we were allowed to build a fort in the living room, but we were expected to clean up after ourselves.

So that's what we did with our kids. They weren't stifled or felt unwelcome in their own home, but they had to learn boundaries and respect for common areas.

When they're little, yes, they were in the living room where I could watch them. But around the age of four, it was time for them to keep their mess to themselves.

I had three 'zones'. Mom and dad's bedroom and bathroom. OFF LIMITS. The common areas (living room, dining room and kitchen) and their areas (their rooms and, when we had it, the family room). We ALL cleaned the common areas before bed, as a team. (Ten minute tidy, we called it.)

My trick is to try and keep the 'public' areas looking respectable and not worry too much about the rest. We live in a really neighbourly area and people are always swinging by. When the doorbell goes I grab as much clutter as I can and sling it in the garage before opening up.

I let it turn to creative chaos during the day, but before dinner, we put away all the toys, so that it's tidy for us in the evening, and everything is ready to go the next morning. Not having all the toys out and available really helps make this end-of-day clean up process not take too long. I rotate things every week or two depending on what's being played with (and more importantly what's not).