Your mother had three houses? Thats just- wow.

*and* she shipped a table from Chicago to NH :)

I think these are great times to try to show your parents that "stuff" just isn't necessary to keep. I think its harder for their generation [at least I can tell it is for my family, my mom is probably around your mom's age I bet].

Sort of. My father is a packrat hoarder, and has a shopping addiction to boot. (his house is scary)

I think it really hurt his feelings when he found out that we weren't keeping all of the stuff he gave us. I'm not sure why, since it was stuff he bought in bargain bins and not emotionally attached to, but still.

So my thing is: don't accept if there are strings attached, and don't mention what you did or didn't do with said items to the giver.

I had to stop telling him

I've had that fight with my mom over both clothing and furniture. The best in furniture was a dresser she bought when I was 10- she paid $10 for it, and then 20 years later was so upset that I gave away this stained, chipped, leftover dresser where the drawers had stopped working.

I try to avoid my mother giving me anything. at. all. period. It never, ever turns out well. It's a case of minimalist vs maximalist.
Taste differences and her 'keep everything even if you don't use it' mentality buries her in stuff. If I can't use it or don't like it, I sell it or donate it or better yet, just don't buy it!

Here's my problem. I'm really sentimental, so while I've slowly gotten rid of things, there are others I can't part with. (i.e- my parents first tv stand from the 70s) I'm sure my mom could give a rat's behind what I did with it, but I cannot part with it. It's currently sitting in my storage space under the stairs. I swear I'm not a pack rat, there are just a few pieces that I have to hold onto, even if they're just in the closet.

I made a snarky facebook comment about the upholstry on our hand-me-down sofa and my sister-in-law was so insulted. I can only assume she picked it out as a child because there is no way she'd ever let that thing near her place.

I've got great stuff and total crap from family members. Thankfully, it is mostly pieces from my brother and sister-in-law, who are only three years older than me, but light years ahead in terms of collecting furniture. The sofas and what not are easy -- I give bro and sis-in-law a chance to take them back, then give them away or sell when I replace them.

Harder is the antique piano that technically belongs to my sister-in-law's step-sister. She doesn't want it, but I feel like I can't get rid of it. Bro and sis-in-law already have a piano. Still deciding what I'll do with it when it's time to get rid of it. At least it's pretty.

The key is not to accept such things in the first place.

I started reading design & decorating books when I was in middle school, so by the time I left for college I already knew my own taste, and it sure as hell didn't include any hand-me-down furniture from my parents. OK, so for a few years I had no sofa, no rug, no dresser, no kitchen table or chairs (not to mention no TV & no stereo) but I managed to survive, because my first apartment had a built-in bookcase and I had already bought a walnut daybed from the 1840s, an 1830s table & a black-shaded brass bouillotte lamp--all of which I still own. Better to have nothing than something ugly.

YES! We have actually stopped accepting "gifts" from my boyfriend's parents because they always have strings attached. We're ready to start DIYing some of our furniture, but are so nervous about how his parents will react when we tell them (which we have to -- that was our deal after the last fight) that we're going to get rid of or repaint their hand-me-downs.

My husband and I had this argument over "That 70s Couch," a wretched couch he received from his mother's sister while in college. It looked like it belonged in a fraternity house - I could easily imagine it covered in stale beer and crusty bodily fluids.

I had warned my husband that the tiger striped couch would not cross the threshold of our new home. I put my foot down as it was unloaded from the moving truck. Thankfully, the movers offered to take it off of my hands. My husband soon stopped caring, but his mother is another story. She still clucks about that dreadful couch, and told me not to "throw away" her mother's antique dining room table that she gave us as a wedding gift. Of course not! I love that table! But any self-respecting woman would despise that 70s couch. And I'd kick that thing to the curb again in a heartbeat.

I've been pretty lucky on that front, actually. My parents are savvy collectors and any overflow from them is well-appreciated. My sweet MIL gave us a dining room set that I was initially really hesitant about, reassuring us all the while that we could paint, sell, dump, or do whatever else the heck we wanted with it, even though I know it held 25 years worth of memories for her. I reupholstered the chairs and it turns out the curvy dark wood is the perfect foil to our warm, modern ranch. I love it!

My dad's old la-z-boy recliner is the only piece of furniture that my parents gave me. They don't replace out furniture all that often; most are antiques or heirlooms...modern is so not their style.

That old la-z-boy is half broken, stained, and ugly in a Martin Crane's recliner sort of way. I've been contemplating how to get rid of it for over a year with minimal guilt or fatherly offense, as I've replaced my post-college furniture with nice pieces. I expressed that to my mother and as it turns out, the recliner was a hand-me-down given to my father (!)...so sayonara and adios, onto the curb it goes.

I've refused quite nice pieces (antique furniture and linen, silver flatware, china) because they would come with strings attached, eg where to hang pictures, place furniture, upkeep. I would not want to have to justify how I arrange my furniture, or treat my belongings.

This post was perfectly timed! We just went to my fiance's great aunt's house to look at some unused furniture that she has. We don't actually have our own place yet, so we can decide which furniture we want when we know how much space we will have. Some of it was hideous bulky fussy stuff that I would never allow in my house. But there were a few nice pieces that I could definitely use, and there were more that would do well with a good coat of paint. We already started talking about which items we could repaint/refinish and which things she would want back if we tire of them.

The opposite actually. My mother [and father who moved from the US to be with her] left Holland with me in the early 80s...and shipped all her mid-century well made Dutch furniture (okay...a few Ikea items sprinkled in as well) to California.

I've begged, pleaded bribed and thrown tantrums over the stuff she doesn't really use and wont let me have. Some of it has even ended up in storage and they couldn't be bothered to dig it out.

Meanwhile when I want to replace/exchange out something I bought in college or was given by roommates parents etc they dont quite understand why "whats wrong with it. it still works right?" So its hard explaining to them why I want to give away a faux knotty pine Kmart special cabinet I got for free and buy something new that is more my style.

lol its so weird.

I have a similar problem - My mother-in-law is beginning to clean out their crowding home, eventually to downsize to a condo. She messages me regularly with "do you want a wooden rolling pin? What about 3 copper baking tins in the shape of a bear? A set of mismatched pyrex from the 80's?" It's all very specific and I'm afraid I'll offend her if I say, "No I don't need a rolling pin."

YES! I had two sofas, one that was a gift from my Mother when I got my first apartment, and a matching sofa in another color that was my Mother's sofa at one point. We had these two hideous end tables and a country blue glider rocker to go along with it. These end tables were from my childhood, and they were knotty pine. When my husband and I moved into the first home we ever owned, I told my Mom we were going to get all new furniture...after all, it was time for the era of dusty rose and country blue to die. My Mom threw a hissy fit and wanted the end tables back. I told her I wasn't paying movers to move them to the new place. She relented and allowed me to donate them.

I had this great hand me down sofa I had to get rid of at one point. It had nice clean line, super comfortable, super solid, high quality when new with down cushions. Then we moved and the new place had narrow doors. It just would not fit through the doorway. We tried for literal hours, took the door off the hinges and everything. Unfortunately this paragon of a sofa had legs that part of the frame and not detachable like most sofas these days. I cried when getting rid of it.

We have an old armchair and ottoman from my parents and they're great--still comfy and good-looking, but old enough that I don't worry about the cats sharpening their claws on the chair (well, it helps that they shred the back and that side is to the wall). My mother promised me a bedside table and dresser that her mother had painted, but then changed her mind, so I don't expect I'll be getting those until she dies. No idea where I'll put them, but they're cool and funky.

My in-laws like to show up at my house with furniture. To make matters worse, the furniture doesn't belong too me, it doesn't belong to them, it typically is "Grammy's dresser" or "Uncle Jim's chair." Here is the thing....these people are dead. These items don't belong to me, they don't belong to the in-laws, and they just appear in my home, uninvited and I can't get rid of them.

DEAD PEOPLE DO NOT OWN THINGS!!! They just don't.

Ok, so my hubby just returned from bringing some agreed upon accent tables that I will happily refinish from his dead grandparents' house. And a lamp. A lamp that he fell in love with and reminds me of a butter churn. What do you do when it's in the family AND your husband thinks it's rad, but belongs in a yard sale?

"What do you do when it's in the family AND your husband thinks it's rad, but belongs in a yard sale?"

The same thing he would do if you came home from your dead grandparents house with something that you loved and he thought was hideous: He'd ask you what it was and what the story was behind it - then smile and never say another word about it ever again.

SO TRUE!

I had a good giggle at each and every post on here. Great way to start my morning! When I got married and started pulling things together for our apartment I was gifted a LOT of stuff, with no strings attached. Then I found Craigslist and Freecycle. LOL-Every one of my family and friends knows that they shouldn't give me ANYTHING if they want to see it again because once I tire of it or it becomes of no use it is GONE! I have no problems with having to say no here! Now with that said I do have 3 items in my home that do have conditions behind them. One is an antique dresser that my grandmother gave me. The others are musical instruments. These three things would never leave my house anyway because of my own sentimental attachment to them anyway so i was glad to take them with the strings attached!

In my family, once you take it, it's yours to do with what you will. I had been using a childhood dresser in my guest room and just sold it on Craigslist. I usually offer things around to the family before I sell.
My mother has some gorgeous pieces and I would love to have most of it. She is very pragmatic and had my sisters and me make lists of which pieces we want passed down.

I received my parent's coffee table when I moved into my first home. It was a good piece and functioned well but they had replaced it with something more modern. When it was time to replace it - for aesthetic purposes only as it was still in very good condition - I felt guilty getting rid of it. So I first had it in storage for a few years then kept it in the garage for a while. Eventually I gave it to charity.

For all the guilt I felt, my parents never mentioned its absense.

AHHHH, the benefits of having family far away in Europe - no one has handed anything down to us, and we have our own collection.... :-)

Fortunately, my parents were great collectors and DIYers when they were first married, and rescued some pretty timeless pieces that have worked well as my style has changed over the years. Other than a $10 bookcase from Target, all of my furniture are hand-me-downs from my parents and grandparents. The only pieces I don't plan to keep forever are the couch (which is on its second slipcover and nearing the end of its serviceable life) and my grandmother's writing desk, which is technically my mother's and I'm just storing it.

I don't give or accept home furnishings loans or home furnishings with strings. In my experience, they usually turned out to be manipulative ploys by overcontrolling, difficult family members. I'd rather have peace and autonomy than old furniture in my home. I may give and accept home furnishings gifts with no strings attached if I'm free to decline.

My in laws are awesome, they have given us every couch set we have ever had, they like to replace them fairly often it seems ( though i doubt they will now my FIL is retired)
The first two were kinda ugly but we didnt care they were comfy and they worked. unfortunatly we have cats that kill everything we own so the last set they gave us was really nice and I would have kept it a lot longer than we will end up keeping it.. though i think i might try making slip covers for it.. i am not buying anything new and nice til the cats are gone.

we also got our dining room table from them, it was made by my husbands grandfather so there is no way I could get rid of it, the chairs broke and the table didnt really look good in our dining room so we replaced it but i put the table in the basement, it's currently my work bench (covered with a tarp) and will be part of my husbands man cave when we get it (poker table!!)

But they never seems to mind what we do with it after all they gave it to us so it is now ours, they for-fitted any right to decide its fate when they gave it to us luckily my in laws are sensible enough to realize this and do not cause us any problems like some of you unfortunate people :( takes the fun out of getting a hand me down really!

I didn't end up with too many hand-me-downs from my family. But when my fiance and I moved into our new place, his mom had saved a garage full of stuff for us. I would have been fine leaving most of it but he loves a lot of it. like a huge low marble topped round table. it is supposed to be a game table so it is really short but he loves it. it doesn't match my style at all but there's not a lot i can do about it. we had to buy maybe 2 pieces of furniture total when we moved but I still want to replace half at least. I just wish some of this stuff was in better taste, but it's a fight with him over every piece.

My grandparents died a decade ago. They had moved from Florida a few years prior to their deaths to where my family lives currently and bought new furniture when they moved to their retirement community. After both had passed on my mother told me that my grandmother wanted me to have the furniture and that she and my aunt were going to put it in storage for me. I said that I didn't want it and that they needed to give it away. They put it in storage for me anyways and I found out a year later. We now have a fight every couple of years about the furniture that I will not accept and that they are paying for every day to keep. I will never bend! It is nice furniture but not what I want and doesn't fit my lifestyle and if something happened to it the strings attached gift givers (mother and aunt) would never forgive me. There are people that could use it so this makes me sick!

@Astur, The furniture is their property, their responsibility, and their problem. Stand your ground and maintain your boundaries, or family of origin like that can wreck your grown-up home. It's always a red flag when I'm made an offer I can't refuse. After my arm is twisted over it, then I'm darned if I'll accept a false gift under any conditions.

@Astur - I sympathize. A family member has stuff in storage, as well as in her home that is 'earmarked' for us, but it really is too much. Some of the items are quite old (museum-worthy), so I suggested donating them to a museum as I do not wish to curate a collection in my home.