I absolutely accomodate food allergies. That is the nature of hospitality. When I invite someone to my home, kid's party or otherwise, I want them to feel comfortable and welcome. That means that they should be able to enjoy the festivities with the rest of the guests.

I agree with Pamela.

One of our kid-friends has celiac disease, and we either make the whole get-together gluten-free, or have a gluten-free variety of some gluten-y thing the rest of us will be eating(either we provide it, or sometimes her parents will bring it, depending on what it is).

I have a nut allergy myself, and I went to plenty of parties as a kid. Is it really so hard to have a nut-free party? Nuts & nut products seem pretty easy to avoid (at least to me!). Other things (eggs, gluten) seem more of a challenge - but still, that shouldn't be a deterrent!

In our household, I'm the one with the allergies, and I usually bake to accommodate myself.
Because I am used to substituting ingredients and avoiding certain things (baking without dairy and eggs can be pretty dicey), I'm more than happy to accommodate others' allergies.
I do, however, also think that it's okay and important to be honest. If you don't feel confident that you can provide a tasty, safe treat, let the other parents know. I'm always nervous when someone claims something is safe for me to eat and tells me "Oh, but this doesn't have any dairy in it!" because it's happened to me more than once that it turned out that the person was just uninformed and considered "no milk" the same as "no dairy" etc. I'd rather skip the cupcake (or bring my own treat) than live to regret eating something that wasn't as safe as advertised.

I am all for including every child possible but I can kind of understand where some parents are coming from: if a child has a life-threatening food allergy, how confident must you really be to serve them food? Of course, I'd rather be honest with the parent about my concerns than to just flat-out not include the child. But I can see how many parents might not want to deal with a very sick child or lawsuit because they thought they were being safe but were not safe enough.

My son has a severe egg allergy, and is dairy intolerant, his best friend has a severe nut allergy so I will always accomadate allergies at parties and such.

It's just polite really.

How terrible!
There's an extremely broad array of forbidden foods amongst my daughter's friends (nut allergy, gluten intolerance, egg allergy, vegan, etc)
I finally found a "make-everyone-happy" cupcake recipe and shared it w/ the other moms. Now we don't have to worry at birthday time. The kids don't care as long as they get frosting.
But you also have to look at it from another perspective. Some parents aren't so nice about their kid's allergies or food preferences. And some of those parents wouldn't mind to sue a parent who accidentally served a cupcake that make have had ingredients processed in a plant that also processes nuts.

So........I guess check what's covered under your home owner's insurance!

I'm an adult but I'll throw my 2 cents in. :) I am allergic to shellfish & I always tell it when ordering at a restaurant. The amount of servers that look at me like I'm a moron is astonishing. I do my part & I don't go to places like Captain D's where my life is in a teenager's hands.

Two restaurants in my hometown that deserve kudos for being just wonderful is Longhorn Steakhouse & Fulin's Asian food.

I'm encountering this more and more too now that my son is in preschool and expanding his circle of friends. And I do try to accomodate whenever I am aware of it and at school where there are many kids with allergies. I don't really enjoy many of the baking (cakes/cupcakes) recipes that are allergy free so have thought about doing homemade marshmallows and candy apples and things like that are nut-, dairy- and wheat-free but they are basically just pure sugar, any ideas for allergy-friendly confections and such?

That makes me horribly sad. I see no problem with letting the parents of the child with allergies know that you plan to make cookies or cupcakes and would prefer they bring their child something they can eat. It's hard enough on the little ones when they get singled out during shared snacks, school parties (ice cream social, pizza party), etc when a parent gets no notice and can't bring in a substitute. To completely exclude a child is cruel.

Call me extreme but I think that's heartbreaking and I know my son would be so sad to learn he wasn't invited to something (and later hear other kids talking about it) solely because he couldn't eat the same things.

seattlejessica - No, it isn't extreme. I was so sad to learn that my friend's daughter is being excluded, and she told her mom that she thinks that her friend is "still working on her invitation." Believe me, her parents are going to make sure that this never happens again.

While food is typically the purview of the kitchn, I'd be very happy to post any recipes that you all may want to share. I'm thinking that this merits a roundup of allergen-free party treats.

Please email your recipes to roni@apartmenttherapy.com Thanks!

-Roni

I think it is very sad that some parent/host chose to include nuts at the party rather than the classmate.

My old school, "Down South" upbringing dictates that I accomodate the food allergy.

at my childs 1st b'day... a close family friend has a son who is allergic to eggs... i knew there were things he couldnt have and i asked her... what CAN I MAKE so that he's not left out. she gave me her/his sons favorite cupcake recipe, and she offered to make them for me... but i already had it covered (my sister in law is a great baker). But it honestly never occurred to me... NOT to accomodate. Children with allergies know... they can't eat certain things, and most Moms will be HAPPY to send something WITH their little one. At least that's been my experience. And the cupcakes were good... I'll find the recipe & send it in.

We're hosting a birthday party tomorrow, and there are two kids (that I know of!) with food allergies. One is a nut allergy, and simply enough, we're not serving anything with nuts. The other child has multiple allergies, including eggs and gluten, so his mom volunteered to bring a special cupcake for him, and even asked what kind I was making so he could have something that looked similar. I would love to bake treats that all the kids would eat, but like others have mentioned, I'd worry that I'd accidentally overlook an ingredient that would set off an allergic reaction simply because I'm not familiar with the whole range of things that child's allergic to. I feel badly, of course, that this child's not going to have the exact same party food as the other kids, but I'm also glad his mom's helping out so I don't have to worry about accidentally feeding the poor guy something that would make him sick. This is just so tough for hosts and attendees with allergies!

PLEASE post the allergen-free party treats recipes! I would love, love, love to give them a whirl for preschool snacktimes and such. What a great idea!

This is incredibly sad. I have a niece with celiac disease and understand how upset and alienated it can make a young child feel. Exclusions like this can stay with a child for years. It is a heartbreaking experience to wipe a child's tears away because all she wants it to be "normal like her cousins" and eat what they are eating.

It sounds like these parents chose to be lazy when it came to their hospitality and menu choices. It really isn't difficult to find recipes, products and stores to accommodate most allergies. A Google search and a conversation with the child's parents should have provided the necessary education.

Children don't pick their allergies, disabilities and ailments so why should they be punished for having them.

FYI, Betty Crocker makes a line of gluten free cake mixes and I believe they are peanut free as well. Replace the wet ingredients with applesauce and they can be suitable for those with egg allergies. That easy.

"But you also have to look at it from another perspective. Some parents aren't so nice about their kid's allergies or food preferences. And some of those parents wouldn't mind to sue a parent who accidentally served a cupcake that make have had ingredients processed in a plant that also processes nuts." QueenoftheFall

Absolutely! If you're just having a little get-together w/ 5 friends who's parents you know and trust, that's one thing. But if you are having over 15 kids who's parents you may or may not know well, it's dicey. Easier and cheaper to exclude than risk litigation.
Vicim mentality is culturally too pervasive, and too many parents bristling to get up-in-arms.

That said, there is an alternative:
Ask the parents of the allergenic child to bring child over at a seperate time: after food but in time for the games and prizes.

My daughter has 2 friends with food allergies. One is diabetic, as well. When we do parties, they opt to bring their own cupcakes.

my somewhat related question is whether, because of the increase of food allergies and dietary restrictions, if people have become more accommodating to child vegetarians as well?

I grew up vegetarian, starting when I was 4, and my daughter will be vegetarian from birth (she is 16 months old now). and I had a lot of problems growing up with friends whose parents didn't want to deal with it (one mother refused to give me anything to eat at a slumber party unless I tried the steak first, I walked home). her daycare is pretty good about it, although the little boy in her room with a milk allergy has a big milk allergy sticker on his folder for when one of the regular teachers isn't there and she doesn't have a vegetarian sticker on hers.

I know that it isn't life threatening if she accidentally eats meat, although as time passes it will make her sick (at least it makes me sick--like a really bad stomach flu with hives).

has anyone had any experience with raising a vegetarian now?

i was a kid with food allergies (hives and swelling it wasnt pretty). i understand. but usually there is a spread and ppl pick what they want. after about eight i think a kid can get it by then dont eat that or its gonna be bad for ya. but the nut allergie is a bet more serious.

My kids have a life threatening nut allergy... they live with it and from a very early age they have learnt to ask "Are there nuts in this?" or "Can we read the ingredients?" Even before they can read they can recognize NUTS... Simply because a hostess will often say that they are no nuts, but they will not see the "hidden" nuts... just the stir fry cooked in peanut oil, or the muffins topped with nuts... the sandwich made on the same board as the previously made peanut butter sandwich - it is pretty awkward. But we live with it so it is easy for us to see around it. My kids have been excluded from a birthday party because of it. The one year they did not have their friends birthday cake because she "stuck" his pirate boat cake together with peanut butter... when they said no thank-you and were quite happy to run off and play, she was upset that they couldn't partake... the following year they were not invited. It was as she said, "Just too complicated to think about." Right!!! We just let it go... life is just too short!!!

I feel so bad for the child that was excluded. My son has a friend that is allergic to eggs, dairy and nuts. Since we were making burgers and hotdogs for dinner, I asked his mom what brand rolls were ok for him and bought them for the whole crew. I got kosher hotdogs, and simply saved all of the labels for any food item so that she could check them at the beginning of the party. She brought her own cupcake for her son. This year we had italian ice instead of cake so we didn't have to worry about the cupcake. Easy. Of course I was worried about cross contamination, so I cooked the hot dogs on tin foil instead of straight on the grill.

I really question the "fear of litigation" excuse. Can anyone name one case in which a parent was sued because s/he accidentally served a cupcake to someone who had an undisclosed allergy? If you are really that afraid of litigation, what about the future lawsuits from the children (including your own) whom you started on the road to obesity with your sugary treats? And emotional distress from the child you un-invited? Best not to throw a party at all.

The rise is allergies is quite alarming and it is terrible that parents choose to exclude a child because of it. We live in Japan and I must say the allergy thing doesn't appear to be as bad here, that is to say, kids don't seem to have them. In our bicultural group, there are about 50 kids and 2, who are siblings have allergies. My son is at kindy and in his class of 19 non of them have allergies and non of his friends do either. In fact the only family I know, apart from the siblings I mentioned, whose son had an allergy to eggs were very laid back about the whole thing and although they knew the eggs would make him sick (but not life threatening) they let him eat them to help build up a tolerance to them and now at 8 he seems to have grown out of it, his sister is going through the same thing now.
The siblings with allergies can't eat out, their allergies are life threatening, there is an ignorance about the whole thing, store bought food is not well labelled although it is getting better, their mom has to make everything from scratch to be on the safe side except for a handful of goods that they know are safe. When we know they are going to be attending a group event, which is usually pot luck we make sure there are a few dishes that are safe for them and their parents always bring their own food just in case.

BlueLM, I agree that there are many people who are quick to sue. However, I think that letting fear dictate ones life and that of their child's will do more harm than good.

From past experience I have found that it is more considerate and kind to leave the choice of inclusion with the particular child's parent. You don't have to be close to the parent to have a conversation regarding the well being of their child.

I can assure you any parent of a child with an allergy will be more than happy to educate, support and/or provide for their child in instances like this. I cannot imagine that a parent will choose not to share information with you in hopes their child has a reaction so they can sue you.

Your alternative of bringing the child to the party after the food has been served only reinforces to that child and their peers that they are different. It is also unrealistic in the case of some allergies because the area and other children could have remnants of the allergen and therefore contaminate the child.

It is irresponsible parenting to teach your child to exclude those with differences.

We do not live in a perfect world. Parents cannot always implement the proper safety measure to protect their child both mentally and physically. But there are uncountable instances when they can. There are also uncountable instances when we can be considerate, compassionate and educated people.

I can see how this can get complicated-different allergies or eating requirements (vegetarians, vegans, etc.) It is wrong to disclude someone from a party for this though! So far, we have avoided any problems by keeping it small - just a few friends and their parents who we know and we know how to accomodate. Also, I asked people to bring food in lieu of gifts - everybody wins:) Lastly, I provided a variety of treats from all fruit smoothies with fun straws, to vegan banana bread, to cake, to strawberries dipped in dark chocolate. A little something for everyone in our group! I labeled everything with fun little signs. Now, if I have to bake for my kids class at school, I expect that I am notified of what can't be in the snacks and it would be nice for teachers to collect some special recipe ideas and alterations and send to the parents as birthday treat guidelines, right? At the end of the day, the fun of a birthday is having ALL of your friends over and running around in a silly party hat!

A really easy treat that most children can enjoy are Rice Krispy Treats. Good ol' store bought marshmallows and the Rice Krispies (or a gluten free puffed rice if you're dealing with that allergy as well). Cheap, fast and easy.

If nuts were the last food on earth, then I'd understand the parents position. But to make the (adult?) decision to not invite a child because you want to serve a food that couldn't be served in today's schools is selfish. It also sends the wrong message to your own children to put their needs in front of others feelings. Hate to be so judgmental but it's hard not to his in this situation. Also 50 years ago there weren't the options there are today, nut free, gluten free is everywhere, one visit to the local market (or internet) could have solved this dilemma. And how would those parents have felt if someone in town had a party and invited all the kids minus their kid? When adults forget they are the adults is when things like this happen.

"I really question the "fear of litigation" excuse. Can anyone name one case in which a parent was sued because s/he accidentally served a cupcake to someone who had an undisclosed allergy?"

There is a first time for any type of lawsuit. Like idiots suing Burger King becuase he got fat easing it 2x a day. There's no level to which our culture can't sink.

And it's exactly this talk of "it's *immoral* to exclude someone from a private event in a private home paid for by private finances" that makes me uneasy and less doubtful of litigious parents. I mean, it's better to cancel the party for all children because one isn't invited? That's outrageous.

I think if you're really friends, or your children are, the allergenic person will be accomdated to. Be thankful you get a chance to know who your friends are.

My daughter's allergic to milk and eggs. When she's invited to a party -I make sure to bring a cupcake with me. If the party is in somebody's house, I ask if they can have something for her and/or if I can bring something with me. Most of the people offer to make her a hot-dog.

If I make a fruit bowl for a party -I put all the things separately in case there's a kid who's allergic to strawberries, eg. We usually use a vegan cake mix for cupcakes, and kids can never tell the difference! Most of the ready-made frostings are allergens free.

Our public school does nothing to inform the parents about the kids with allergies in the class. So, the BDay treats that the kids bring with them can have anything and everything. Luckily, the teacher sends me a note telling when somebody is going to bring a BDay treat and I give a chocolate snack bar or some cookies to my child that day.

Um, do you guys really think parents are out their risking their children's lives for the opportunity to sue you? What a bizarre line of thinking.

We have a gluten-free boy in our playgroup, and whenever I'm serving food that he's going to eat, I make sure it's gluten free. It's just common curtesy as well as common sense.

*are out THERE, not THEIR

UGHHHHHH. How I wish we could go back and edit our comments.

*and courtesy, not curtesy

Methinks I need some sleep.

We have gluten-freedom in our house, and we have good friends who are dairy, egg and peanut free. Sometimes it gets a little crazy, but it usually leads to new discoveries--like coconut rice pudding. We can usually do fruit-based treats, and I work with the other mom to make sure everything's fine.
I have to say how glad I am to read how many of the previous comments talk about how you would/do accommodate food allergies--Thank you! I always appreciate even a word from people and never mind bringing a treat my daughter can eat.

My kids are allergic to gluten, casein, soy and artificial dyes and I always find out what will be served at the party and bring acceptable substitutes for them to eat. I don't expect people to accommodate my kids with food (since their allergies are pretty crazy) but I do appreciate it when people ask me if there is anything they can serve that the kids can eat. As far as other kids, we have friends whose kids have allergies too and I always plan the menu accordingly so her kids can have at least something on the menu. It's not that hard to use egg replacer instead of real eggs or almond milk instead of cow's but I get how people would be intimidated by it. Before I had kids, I never knew anybody with a food allergy and wouldn't know where to start when cooking for someone with special dietary needs. That being said, not inviting a kid with allergies because you don't want to deal with it is bull and it infuriates me that someone would do that.

As a mom of a kiddo who has egg, barley, nut allergies & more I just couldn't imagine my little one being excluded for something she has no control over. How fair is that and what does it teach our children?

My daughter is just 3 and we haven't really run into the exclusion for food allergies yet, but she's already treated differently. People just don't know how to handle things I guess if their child doesn't have allergies. Honestly, I wouldn't have known what to do before having an allergic kid, but I would have asked and tried to be kind and thoughtful.

Trust me... we mommies of allergic kids are prepared, I have a batch of cupcakes ready to go in the freezer at all times. All I have to do is thaw & decorate. A party can go on and my little one can still participate. The key for me is to make sure her cupcake and/or treats are over the top special so she feels unique and not different.

Even though I would always accomodate someone with food allergies, I never expect the same in return. I think that your favorite little 5 year old should have at least been given the option to attend... I have no problem with someone saying that they can't accomodate allergies, as long as they are okay with me doing so.

I am just sorely disappointed in the parents who made the decision to exclude rather than include.

One of our neighbour boys can't have dairy, gluten, msg, eggs or sugar (for sure, there's likely more).
His mom is sooo good, she even sent him a special cupcake and his own hot dog (dude, I know everything is in hot dogs, but I never thought there was DAIRY in them!) to our sons b-day. She also happened on sugar free candy at winners (similar to Ross in the US) and is going to make up treat bags for the neighbours to give him for halloween.

While all responsibilities maybe shouldn't HAVE to fall on the parents, they're the ones used to cooking with/out certain ingredients, I'm assuming neighbour has tried numerous recipes and knows which ones actually taste good.

A friend has to take her preschooler, a b-day gift and a potluck dish on public transit to someones house (host isn't the parent) for little girls b-day. B-day girl has strict dietary restrictions, this is NOT a good idea for a potluck, never mind that assyness of being asked to supply both a gift and a meal item!

I am not being snarky (pinky swear) but it makes me laugh (in a sad way) that most people just assume that children's allergies are to nuts or gluten... Kids are allergic to all sorts of things... And you never can tell what someone is, or may be allergic to when you are talking about class and school parties.

I am the mother to a toddler who is allergic to soy (as in he stops breathing) so I feel like it is my responsibility to make sure he always has something to eat and drink when we leave our home. A party would be no exception. I appreciate it more than I can say when another parent tries to include my child in the party food, but I would never expect it. (And quite frankly, the allergy is so nasty, I prefer not to risk it.) It is up to me to make sure that my son grows up understanding things like eating a cupcake can make him really ill, that some things in life are not fair, and that not everyone is a nice person.

The exclusion of my child due to his allergies? I would feel sad for my son if he felt sad. Because it is a difficult lesson to teach a child that some things are not as we would like them to be.

As a parent of a child with severe food allergies I think I have experienced every kind of reaction possible! Parents that find my child an inconvenience, parents that are irritated that their child misses out on their favourite snack at school because of my child, parents that assure me that a food is "safe" despite clearly containing our allergens...but also the parents that have no idea how to help but try so hard to inform themselves anyway, the parents that go out of their way to provide a completely safe party menu etc etc the list goes on! I now have a very open mind about what I can "expect" and really appreciate the families who do go out of their way to provide a safe environment for my child. It is a great feeling to go to a party where I can say to my child "hey you know what, you can eat all of this". I have never forgotten a single family who have done this for my child, it really is a wonderful gift.

I tend to find it's easiest to include everyone (adults and kids alike) if you serve mostly foods that have just a few ingredients. I often forgo cake/cupcakes entirely and will do a colorful spread with different cut-up fruits, crackers and chips with a variety of hummuses and salsas and things, etc. Sorbet is a good one too -- if you get a few different flavors, everyone is likely to be able to eat one of them. If I'm serving more of a substantial meal than just snacks, I'll do the same thing in terms of putting things out separately and letting people make up their own dish. Pasta bar or burrito bar is really easy to do and accommodates picky people, allergic people, religious people, babies, etc.

And yes, it's cruel and heartless to exclude someone because they have allergies. I think that pretty much every worldview teaches that you include and accommodate people and that needing to treat someone differently doesn't mean treating them badly.

I am not looking forward to when my Little CC goes off to school. I think I heard of one kid who had a peanut allergy growing up, and I'm young. The phenomenon of every kid nowadays having some allergy or intolerance is amazing, a true epidemic.

After only two years of dealing with my son's allergies, I am convinced that no one else (unless they have food allergies too) is ever going to understand us and our needs. I've really stopped expecting anyone accommodate my son's needs. It makes day-to-day life a lot easier when you set low expectations.

I always pack my son his own cupcake and I try to share as many recipes as I can on my blog.

Is there a reason for the 18% jump? Is anyone else perplexed and concerned by this? I remembering chowing on PB&J's in the cafeteria in the 80's, and my husband was shocked to hear peanut butter (among other things) wasn't allowed on school grounds anymore.

Wow. Can't believe the number of responses.

I'm (SEVERELY) allergic to shellfish. Like I-get-taken-away-in-an-ambulance allergic. But I never, ever EXPECT anyone to accommodate me. There is usually SOMETHING I can eat (I guess I'm lucky that way, since shellfish isn't usually an everyday dish). Of course, if we are invited to a small gathering (like dinner at someone's house), I let them know ahead of time, so THEY aren't offended that I'm not eating something. But if something with shrimp does show up, I usually just quietly DON'T serve it to myself! And I always carry a granola bar or something, just in case there truly is nothing to eat.

Of course, now my cute 4-year-old son asks for me - "DOES THIS HAVE SHRIMP? CUZ MY MOM WILL DIE IF IT DOES."

But - as an allergic person myself - I think that kids (as hard as it is) need to learn themselves to turn down a cupcake if it has ingredients they can't eat, because no one knew ahead of time they were allergic. I'm all for protecting children, but as they grow up, they are going to encounter more and more situations (banquets, weddings, buffets, etc.) where it is impossible for their particular allergy to be excluded. They need to be taught early on how to handle these situations, because the world cannot be allergy-proofed entirely.

That said, if I know about an allergy ahead of time, I would NEVER exclude a child, and always do my very best to accommodate their need. And I'd love to see some of the "altered" recipes.

What is causing this extreme increase in food allergies in children? What is so different about kids these days? As a first time expectant mother this concerns me. I'm 30, and when I was a child, I did not know a single child with food allergies.

We definitely try to accommodate all food allergies. My son is allergic to dairy, egg, and shrimp and it has been a learning experience on party ettique! It is so nice when he is invited to someone's party and they are concerned about what he can eat and are willing to go out of their way to make him feel included! I wouldn't think of treating any of our guests any different!

My child goes to a public school that was recently declared nut-free. I know one of the girls in her class has a nut allergy, but it's possible there are other kids that I don't know about, because the school doesn't identify the allergic kids by name. So that makes it tricky to figure out dietary needs (I will try to remember to ask, from now on!)

When I have invited kids I know to have allergies, I try to make sure there is food they can eat. Same thing for our vegetarian friends, be they adults or kids. That said: sometimes I have forgotten to accommodate restrictions. (Fortunately the nut-allergic child could not attend, that time.) And it has happened that my child has not been invited to a birthday party - not because of allergies, but - as far as I know - just because the hosts did not invite ALL the kids in the class, as is their prerogative. There will always be differences, and thoughtful/not thoughtful people to deal with.

So, for myself, I will continue to try to be inclusive in my entertaining. But if it was my child with a life-threatening condition, I imagine I would not expect other parents to be responsible for ensuring his/her well-being, and would provide my own food until my child was old enough to look out for him/herself.

I am a vegetarian, and I don't expect everyone to accommodate my eating preferences, I do my best to make sure all of my guests are well fed. I can't imagine excluding someone with allergies.

My middle daughter can't have artificial colors and her preschool has been wonderful about it. I sent in snacks for them to keep on hand, and would not have a problem with providing a cupcake or something for a party. We do our best so that she doesn't feel different and she handles it really well and knows to ask if something doesn't seem right.

But it's a challenge and you always have to be aware. I am thankful that her allergy isn't a life threatening one and after dealing with this, I really feel for those parents who do have children with more serious allergies.

seattlejessica, although very tasty, Rice Krispy treats are made with marshmallows and most marshmallows contain gelatin and artificial colors. So they aren't suitable for vegetarians or kids with color issues. :)

I have severe food allergies, but I would NEVER expect a hostess to accommodate them, or my child's food allergies. That's just rude. You either eat what is served or you don't. I don't tell people that my child and I have all these food allergies. Instead, I bring food if I think we're going to need it, and we're careful, just like we are EVERY DAY in the big wide world. The oversharing of health issues is ridiculous. No one wants to hear about your allergies/diabetes/celiac/aversion to raw onions/IBS/Chron's/etc. Just deal with it.

I think it's really rude to exclude a child due to food allergies. What was that parent thinking?

I guess I don't understand all the hand wringing over a child not getting invited to a party. That is life, you will be disappointed. I find it appalling that someone would expect their child to be invited just because the children share a class. Then to be upset because the parents did not plan their menu for their child in their home around an allergy. Ridiculous. That's what we call a teaching moment as a parent. Not everyone will like you or want you around and that's okay. You are not owed anything by anyone. Keep it moving.

My 4 year old has a dairy and egg allergy and I would NEVER expect anyone to accommodate him. Now if we are going to a friend's home that we know and trust, they kindly provide things they know he can eat. Otherwise I ALWAYS bring our own food because that's MY responsibility as the parent. Also he has been given food before that actually did contain dairy when the parent thought they had done the right thing. I would rather not take on the challenge myself and risk exposing a child and I appreciate it when people just let me handle it myself.

Maybe the parents just didn't want to deal with it. While they could have handled it differently, I don't really see anything wrong with it.

Nut allergies can be pretty serious, life threatening in some cases. I can understand the party throwing parents not wanting the risk of this little child getting sick.

We're gluten and grain free and I would never want a child who is allergic to nuts to be in our home as I would feel utterly terrible if they were to get sick because of accidental cross contamination. We only bake using almond and coconut flours and eat a ton of tree nuts and peanuts.

You can't make everyone happy.

It's appalling to me that some parents decide to not invite a child to a party rather than do what they can to accommodate. Did these aforementioned parents ask the parents of the child with the allergy what they could do? I understand some allergies and dietary issues are life-threatening (more in a bit), but it's a party and as the host, you serve your guests. Sad, sad.

My ten-year-old stepson is a type one diabetic and while most of his friends' parents know this and provide diet drinks, etc., for him, I always bring a Diet Coke or Diet Sprite or something. As far as food goes, my stepson knows to call with carb information, check his blood, etc. One of my sisters-in-law has Celiacs and the other is a vegan (because of reactions from chemo), so we always make sure to provide lots of fresh veggies, etc. And they provide things we like when we at their homes. One of my stepson's friends has Aspberger's and severe allergies and I always call his parents and give them the proposed menu and they bring to the parties additional treats for him.

Truly, in my opinion, if you aren't willing to help your guests, you should rethinking inviting them.

Apartmenttherapy: I don't know how managing food allergies (especially in children) can fit into the apartment therapy family, but based on the number of responses, the length of these responses, AND the remarkable number of similar experiences and methods that parents have devised for dealing with food allergies, would there be a place for a regular food allergy related post in Kitchn or elsewhere? As the mom of a 2 year old with severe food allergies one of the biggest challenges is educating people so that our kids can fit in and lead normal lives- food is such a major part of our culture and our home/work lives. Wouldn't it be great for both allergy families and non allergy families to have access to a recipe once in awhile, or discussion about what lunch container works great for kids who have to bring all their own food to daycare/school. The increasing prevalence of food allergies is pretty shocking and it is beginning to affect everyone, even if it only means your kid has an allergic classmate. Thanks for bringing up this important topic and please consider continuing to keep it alive in some manner.