to FALLINGUP, STILETTREEL and JBFL. Can you be any more insensitive? Some people who read this blog DO have kids. If you don't want to read the post. DON'T. Others do. It always amazes me how some people can be so hostile towards mothers and children.

Thank you for the post. I might be facing this exact scenario myself in a few months.

Hopefully this was meant to stir comments on home accessibility upgrades... or ideas for how to send long distance home improvement gifts to make having to stay in for long periods bearable...

I held off commenting on the porn post, but I'll throw my two cents in here. Many posts don't seem to address the making of a home, but they could if their authors thought about how desire and illness, in these two most recent cases, complicate, enhance, poison, enrich, etc. the meanings we associate with our homes. Specific to this post, it might be interesting to think beyond the circumstance to consider its affect on the spatial dynamics of home life, how life shifts from the kitchen and living room to the bed, etc. I don't want to stifle authors' creativity in what and how they post, but this approach may provide a context that speaks more directly to your audience.

Weird post

And this the exact reason why i still miss the old format =) p.s. i am a mother of 2 boys so please don't think otherwise!!

Dear Apartment Therapy,

Take the L out of LOVER, and it's OVER!

Sincerely,

dustinstruckmeyer

This article makes no sense, and appears as an advertisement, given all the specific product naming, pricing and URLs. If these companies are not paying for this product placement, I strongly suggest your marketing guru makes a few phone calls post haste.

Quite simply, such a "friend" doesn't need more stuff - you've even just mentioned "Space is at a premium in their small rental".

What she needs is more help - did you notice "they don't have any family nearby"? Instead of spending $$ on stuffing the small rental, why not organise her a cleaner? A regular cleaning but even a few one offs would be appreciated. Give her the help a family might provide.

(Actually, scrub that - after the marketing guru makes a few phone calls you can afford a lot more cleaning).

Most of us have the stuff we need, but not all the time or energy. Send her these instead.

Bed rest means she's stuck in her home for an extended period of time, so maybe that's how this ended up being covered as a topic. Send the child a Billy bookcase and an allan key. That should keep him out of mom's hair for a bit. ;)

Yes, there are typos. Keep calm and so on.

If you don't want to read it, don't read it. Or else take your toys and go home.

Oy, not again!

Apartment Therapy seems to be turning into our grandmothers' Ladies Home Journal subscription, circa 1987, right before our very eyes.

Can this shotgun marriage between small+cool design junkies and mass market advertising-friendly 'women's lifestyle' navel-gazers be saved?

Stay tuned for the next issue.

(Or not.)

nataliyaK, I'm not insensitive, I just don't think this is the place to talk about bedrest, and buying tunnels or books to help with bedrest. I spent 3 weeks on bedrest at home and another 2 months on bedrest in the hospital, so yeah, I know how it goes, and NO, I would never go to AT for this kind of information.

If the article were written from the perspective of how making accessibility changes helped the mother, then it might be appropriate. After the Porn post, I suspect AT is paying attention to editorial comments ~~ right, AT? :)

At least this is not offensive to anyone. Still, it doesn't belong on the main page.
Generally I don't mind stretching the boundaries as long as it is related (rearrange the bedroom to make space for a play corner). This is in sync with what I thought AT was all about, based on Maxwell's background in Waldorf education: making a home beyond merely decorating. But it turns out I misunderstood. They want to attract more traffic at any cost.

WTF is this post? It has NOTHING to do with apartments or design or decorating. I too am a mother of a toddler, and I still find this really irritating. Where are the editors?! Thumbs down to this format of mixing non-"apartment therapy" random junk into this forum.

As to sending them stuff, the best idea is pitching in for home-delivered pre-prepared meals or a cleaning lady or a mother's helper for laundry etc. You know, logical services that a person on bedrest cannot take care of themselves.

I think this was mistagged/misfiled since it is obviously belongs under AT's Family section instead of AT "original" section.

I agree with the above poster that this woman probably doesn't need more stuff. I clicked on this post to read ideas how to help, not gifts to send. I think organizing a cleaning service is a great idea. So is setting up a meal train or figuring out some way to help with cooking.

I used to be an Ohdeedoh regular which is now AT's Family section, but I think this article would still be out of place there, too. I was waiting to hear about some cool design invention coming out of this. This is definitely not the right outlet. This would be more of a blurb that you would read in a regular parenting magazine. It reminds me of what happened to MTV.

While a moving story, I'd rather not read about it here. Ditto for the porn story.

AT should have done the same thing with Ohdeedoh can that they did with the Kitchn - kept it as its own independent site. There is such a difference between people with kids and those who have no interest in them that it really doesn't make sense to roll it all up under the AT banner. Instead of a thoughtful discussion, the comments degenerate into "I don't care about this! Why is this on a design site! Wah wah wah!" I hope Maxwell et al will think about moving it back to Ohdeedoh.com and just occasionally highlighting a relevent article here on the main site, ala Kitchn.

Oh, and no to the porn, like anywhere.

Oh, what a bunch of curmudgeons! Here's my suggestion: If she's not shy about her apartment, you could offer to have someone come in to clean the place up. A clean place always seems to make everything easier and cheerier. Another idea would be to help her set up pea pod delivery or something similar for groceries. For the toddler (I know a ton about those!) if she has a smart phone, that is a total lifesaver! There are some really nice apps for free or cheap that can keep them entertained. I know, I know, it's not active play! But it doesn't add to what can be overwhelming clutter and she won't be on bedrest forever! My son is an angry birds fanatic and loves to watch Caillou episodes on youtube. Some nice Mercer Meyer books are available as apps, too. If she doesn't have a smart phone, a roku player is an affordable alternative that keeps things simple and offers lots of kid friendly entertainment :)

I really don't know why this article is such a big deal, I've seen very similar posts before on ohdeedoh (what you can do to help parents with premature babies, etc). I'm guessing the reason why, is that the article shows up on the main AT page? I usually only check the family section and the kitchn, so I really don't know.
But to offer up some experience, my oldest was 18 mo when I was put on bedrest for the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy. At the time we lived in a one bedroom apt, so we were also short on space. If they want to read some new books, have dad/partner take the kiddo to the library to pick out some books for the week. Ditto on getting the toddler out when you can, grocery store, park, kids musuem, etc. Mine gotta little stir crazy because my partner works 50 hrs wk, and was use to getting out with me. I would try to relax on the couch and have a box of toys (that we picked out the night before), and just let her have at it in the living room. One huge help for us was receiving homemade frozen meals that we could just pop into the oven. And we never really watched tv up to this point, but we got netfix, cuddled on the couch together and watched sesame street, shaun the sheep, wallace and gromit, when I was really exhausted. Another huge thing for us was letting my partner take over the strenous routines (bathtime, dinner, cleaning), which actually resulted in a fun and bonding experince for dad and toddler. All these things also helped after the baby was born too, everyone was already adjusted to a slower paced routine which is exactly what you need the first month. Good luck to your friend!

If this continues, I'll probably stop reading AT.

Lovely post which I will happily read in another context, but inappropriate for a design blog. Please just reorganize and put these stuff in another blog.

I don't know why everyone is being so rude about this post- I don't even have children, but I find this post interesting!

I'm a PreK teacher, though, so I do have a lot of ideas. Try to stay away from TV and video games as much as possible, since it'll be a hard habit for to break a small child of once the baby is born. Books are a great idea, as are puzzles. Coloring books would be nice, too:)

I agree that this doesn't belong on Apartment Therapy. I just clicked on About Us and read the mission statement. This post simply doesn't fit within its scope. There seems to be a great deal of editorial confusion since the re-org. There may well be some institutional consternation along the lines of well, some posts from the Family section have to make it to the Main page, so even if it doesn't really seem to fit well, we'll just put some on. If that's the case, then maybe the Family section doesn't belong as part of Apartment Therapy. The site has to be about something, and to accomplish that, it can't be about everything.

A. Agree this post doesn't fit AT without some kind of design context.
B. If you really want to help - find ways for the toddler to burn energy while mom gets to rest. Ask if she'd like help researching local kid activities or screening babysitter applications. For free ideas, you could help the family find some local moms groups or other social groups to join, so they can build a network of local friends... she could host playdates as long as other parents stick around to let her sit, and she might receive further assistance now that she could repay to her new friends at a later date.

I'm so tired of the "What does this have to do with design?" comments on family posts, but I understand the previous AT readers hating this post. I only followed ohdeedoh before and ever since the switch I think most of your readers have been annoyed, for different reasons. Can't you just change the site back to the way it was before?

NATALIYAK, my thoughts exactly.

This is supposed to be a design blog. I'm a parent and I still don't see a need for posts like these. There are parenting sites out there, good ones. This post has nothing to do with design.

I feel for your friend! I went through this last year. I was lucky enough, in that my family was able to fly in to help some, but for those weeks we had alone, the following took the edge off:

1. Books! We read a lot. We had a friend check us out a stack from the library that we made our way through.

2. PBSkids.org For some reason I felt less "guilty" over the educational computer games. My two year old couldn't exactly navigate the site on his own, but that was fine--I did it for him. We curled up together and played games together. He learned a lot this way, and we both had fun.

3. Imaginative play. I can't tell you all the things our couch turned into that time of our lives. We flew into space on a rocket. We pirated oceans. We parasailed and braved the school bus. I narrated everything with as much excitement as I could and Henry had a blast (I think. At least, he still requests those games now.)

4. TV. He watched an extra hour or so sometimes, but you have to forgive yourself. It's not the worst thing in the world--and really, there will be plenty of time to make up for it. As soon as things settled back to normal, Henry went right back into our old, active routine.

5. Lean on friends or acquaintances. (i.e. take EVERYONE up on their offer to help.) I felt a little weird about this. I'm not too comfortable in the role of helpless receiver, but I actually made friends through the experience, as I let my guard down and accepted the help of other moms in the area.

6. Good luck. Look into Leapfrog toys or other educational sit down things. Coloring books, etc. It's hard, but doable.

AT. me and you are gonna be splitsville if this nonsense continues.

Seriously, I don't come to AT for parenting or relationship advice. I come for, wait for it, apartment advice. I feel like we were all much better off with the split.

First the porn post, now this? Sorry, AT, while I have nothing against this post itself, it's not really why I come to a design site. I guess I'll be sadly moving on as well. And I want to thank everyone who have recommended other design sites. Obviously I am no longer AP intended audience.

While we always welcome reader feedback, I'm not sure where many readers got the idea that Apartment Therapy is *only* about designing a home. It's about living in it too. I would also say that the topic of this post is certainly design related. I've never been put on bedrest, but if I were I could imagine rearranging my bedroom - perhaps to accomodate my son's little work table. Or, perhaps I would change up the living room so I could rest comfortable and also supervise my son while he played. You get the idea.

Carrie –

When you're on pregnancy bedrest, you're RESTING in BED (or on the couch) 90% of the time — not rearranging your bedroom and living room furniture.

To your assertion that "the topic of this post is certainly design related", I respectfully call shenanigans. While I'm sure you could reverse rationalize any article to fit Apartment Therapy's mission, I agree with most of the comments that the site seems to be straying from its core focus as of late.

This shift is reminiscent of the evolution of Martha Stewart Living over the past few years into a high-brow Family Circle. (Incidentally, I cancelled my MSL subscription recently after getting it for 15+ years.)

I would suggest that you take your reader comments to heart and skip the defensive replies.

@Carrie, that strikes me as pretty disingenuous. This post is obviously not about "how can you redesign a home to accommodate a person on bed rest." This post is about "what can I do for a long-distance friend/mother on bed rest," i.e., nothing to do with design.

Other topics of irrelevance:
- at ballet class, Janet's mom mentioned Susie was having trouble at school, how do I respond?
- my husband said XYZ, what does he really mean by that?
- my mother-in-law is so mean, amirite?
- why does my cat meow at 6 am?
- vaccinations, pro or con?
- I think my boss is mad I leave at 5:30 on the dot, but I have to pick up my kid, what can I do?
...and everything else covered by Dear Abby or Ladies' Home Journal. Pass.

Maybe it has/had a place on the family section of the site, but in the main feed of Apartment Therapy itself? If the site's mission is being refocused to "living," literally anything can fall under that umbrella. That's not what most readers come here for.

Comments on off-topic AT posts are my new favorite read. Please don't go, snarky commenters, you're my favorite part of this site!

In the spirit of the porn post, maybe you could send her an edible arrangement of cucumbers to keep her busy, when her husband takes the other child off her hands for the afternoon. That is the direction you're trying to head this blog right?

When my daughter was in kindergarten I spent several months incapacitated and at home (not on bed rest from pregnancy, but from another condition). I loved my home, but being prisoner in it was a bit much to take. Also, I became acquainted with how much the utility of my home was affected by the decor: suddenly, I had a bed I couldn't climb in or out of because it was too high; I had armless chairs that I couldn't sit down in or get out of because there was nothing for me to hold on to. The best thing that saved me was visitors who could help out or just keep me company. If you can Skype or something with your friend, that will be of big help to keep her from going stir-crazy in her own home.

BTW, that ^^ is how this relates to a home post.

I love Ohdeedoh and the other pages of AT. I like posts like this (not the porn one though) and what I don't appreciate it these main page readers with their nasty comments about a family post like this. I think Ohdeedoh posts should be separate like the Kitchn because obviously they aren't welcomed by those only interested in design.

My sister is currently on bedrest and has a toddler. She has called in my parents and her in-laws, who have worked out a schedule to care for her son. There's no rearranging of furniture going on. It's all about keeping him occupied because his mom can't physically do it right now.

I don't get AT anymore - this post included. There used to be reams of GOOD content, and now the content seems to be reduced by 50-70% at EACH of the sites and the content that is there is not so great... What is going on????

Kerris is right about the content. There used to be tons of new posts all throughout the day. I think there were 4 posts in the family section today, this being one of them. Come on.

Seriously..
I DO have kids. Four of them. And... I have read all the blogs, all the magazines and all the frickin books and I am one hell of a kick ass mom. So dont lecture me for a minute that by stating that I do not want to read this content on AT makes me INSENSITIVE!
I dont come to AT for KIDS and PORN! I get plenty of that at home.
What I do come to AT for is DESIGN...and DESIGN only.
End. Of. Story.

<<<<<<<I dont come to AT for KIDS and PORN! I get plenty of that at home

Best comment of the day.

As I was reading this, I was assuming by your suggestions that you don't have kids... quite surprised you do. If the family is in a small rental, why are you sending them clutter?
What about ebooks on iPad/Kindle etc. What about a cleaning service? What about a meals/grocery delivery service? What about paying for a babysitter for a few hours? What about visiting and helping with baby prep and toddler care?

All that being said... I agree that this post belongs on Babble et al, not here.

Please just separate Ohdeedoh out from AT again. I like these posts and don't mind having them in here, but I am SO TIRED of the bitching about it. Good grief people. The porn one was out of line, IMO, but you can still JUST KEEP SCROLLING.

I think this was merely a case of mistaken filing. If this had been filed under AT Family, I don't think people would have been as incensed. But I too would be happier if we separated Ohdeedoh from AT. I am read this site a lot less now that everything is combined. It's too time consuming to scroll through a lot unrelated articles. I also think AT is spreading itself too thin, which results in a drop in quality. Just a quick review of the top of this site shows 8 headers-- it's too many.

With regards to the author's question, I too would not recommend sending your friend more stuff. When I was on bedrest, I did not feel like reading or watching DVD. Mainly, because I felt really frustrated and useless. There were a million things I needed to get done (and feeling guilty for not being able to play with my child), and yet, I was forced to lie on my back.

I think your friend would be better served if you gave her housecleaning services, a spa massage, or even getting a few other friends together to contribute towards finding a mother's helper/babysitter for her little one. You could pay for 3 months on care.com, and sort through the candidates for her. You could also organize a meal service for her using mealbaby.com (which allows local friends to sign up to bring her meals). Even though you are too far to provide the help, you could help organize ways for her local friends to help out.

I'm a mom and am interested in parenting issues, but I agree with the other posters who find this piece inconsistent with the content we look for on AT. These random articles detract from an otherwise cohesive reading experience. Other these two recent irrelevant posts, I think you do a great job!

1. I hate this site because of the pointless posters complaining about content on the FREE site they have absolutely no obligation to read. GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND STOP BITCHING. Why would you take time out of your day to complain? Just don't read the post. Easy.

2. I do not have children. But opened this post because I think it's SO relevant to something I'm going through right now. I want to read about how a space helps people get through every aspect of life. Not just the day to day when things are easy and predictable. I'm preparing to help a very sick family member and was excited to read about how other people adapt their home to deal with something like bed rest. Do you move the tv into the bedroom? Change the lighting? Simplify cleaning? How do you deal with maintaining an entire home when you can't leave the bed?

Instead... I just got a bunch of negative bullshit. So if I stop reading this site, it won't be because AT goes off topic sometimes. That I can deal with. It'll be because the readers contributing to the comments SUCK.

Just another thing to add to my list of reasons why I'll never have children! lol

Very irrelevant. Please stick to design. That's why we come here.

Ashley.R:
You're the pot calling the kettle black.
And one of the few posters to use profanity in your post.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Wow. Take a nap, folks. Its just a blog post.

For what its worth to anyone who is bothered by seeing off topic posts, I follow all the 'old' AT blogs via my google reader, and they still come in separated into 5 different blogs.