We know it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but some of you may already be getting a jump on holiday shopping. So sorry to go all Bah! Humbug! on everyone, but we thought this was a very appropriate topic to discuss here at Re-Nest: gifts that we give when we just don't know what else to do.
Like after we've spent 5 hours looking for a parking spot at the nearest mall! These are those last resort gifts. Gifts that you give, because you feel obligated to give a gift ...any gift. But, really, who needs 'em? The worst gift offenders in our book are:
Picture Frames: This is such a ubiquitous "I-didn't-know-what-else-to-get-you" gift, and we've even fallen into its trap before. But we, and most people we know, have enough picture frames. If you've overheard a friend lament their lack of picture frames, then go for it.
Candles: We think this is another pretty common gift. It falls into the picture frame category. Now, if you want to get us a nice subtly scented soy candle, fine. But most people are pretty picky about their scents.
Smelly Soaps: If you made them yourself, maybe. But who is really dying for a new bar of soap? Or soap shaped like a turtle? Or soap that looks and smells like a slice of watermelon? Are we alone on this one?
Silly Coffee Mugs: Many people have so many mismatched coffee mugs that their cupboards won't shut. Don't add to their misery.
Of course, there are exceptions to all these rules, but do you heartily disagree with any of our picks? What other offenders can you think of? Dad was once given a commemorative brick from some historical building in Sacramento. Now sure what category that falls into.
What are some good alternatives to these sorts of gifts? Homemade baked goods, wine, movie tickets ... What else?
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Comments (35)
sorry, i know it's not "personal" or whatever, but know where your gift recipient loves to shop and get them a gift certificate. it's the only way to be sure they will get something they really like and won't throw into the dumpster as soon as they get home.
I like gift certificates!
A big no no for me is when you get trinkets that look like something the recipient might be interested in ie: Uncle Jim has a cat, so I will get uncle Jim a little ceramic cat. Don't do that!
I think the biggest offenders are those that give away potpourri - runs along the same lines as the smelly soaps. If I want that, I'll buy it for myself!
Also, any sort of stuffed animal or tchotchky that you then feel compelled to keep and occassionally put out in your house. UGH!
OK, I'm the minority because I like the foo-foo soaps and candles. I have a small condo, so consummable gifts like those from people with questionable taste are much better for me than some horrible item that's going to be a donation when I make my next trip to the charity shop.
Most charitable organizations will let you donate in another person's name. My favorite is Heifer Hunger Project www.heifer.org/ which lets you give a goat or a flock of chickens!
I personally hate gift certificates, they're usually so impersonal and you have to use your own time and energy so that money wasn't wasted on what is basically a useless piece of plastic or paper that will end up in the trash after it's been cashed in.
The exceptions to that are unusual, personal gift certificates. For example, I got my dad a gift certificate for a professional shave at a barber shop in town because he's into wet shaving and it's a nice manly treat that he doesn't have to work hard for. Just drop by the barber shop and relax.
If I can't think of something special, meaningful, or enjoyable to get a person, then I don't know them well enough that I should feel obligated to get them something at all. And, if I just need little gifts for people I'm not terribly close to I opt for nice seasonal food like fancy gingerbread cookies and some gourmet coffee or cocoa tied up with a pretty ribbon. That way they can use it up. And if they didn't like it, well, it wasn't very big anyway.
Agreed on the picture frames. I told family last year I would love to have photos of them but they need to be unframed.
Disagree on the soaps IF they are interesting and beautifully wrapped. Nothing is nicer than some lovely unusual soap brought by a friend returning from Europe. I tuck them into my drawers and closets and never have to think about buying soap.
As we have gotten older our family likes to exchange consumable presents like food or toiletries because we all have too much stuff. Candles are consumable but again it depends so much on the quality. Cheap vanilla is out! Better to splurge on one tiny, subtle candle (I like some from Neal's Yard).
If we never manufactured another mug I suspect there would be 3 per person on the planet (based on intensive research of Goodwill Stores).
Happy Holidays!
I deal in smelly stuff since I design perfume for a living. It's absolutely a minefield of a gift for most people. However, you will always know a perfume hound - and in that case, most really do jump at anything they haven't tried before, especially if you go with small samples that, if they don't like them, they can decant and take to online perfume trading communities.
There is also much to be said for bath and body that goes unfragranced - a lot of people have allergies to strong synthetic scents that are usually used in b&b products; finding something unscented for the sensitive types can be not just a gift but a godsend.
http://magickalrealism.etsy.com
Seems like people buy loads of stuff for Christmas because they want to show lots of love. My wife and I are making most of our gifts for people this year - it's like condensed love because of the effort we put in.
I blogged about it here: http://tinyurl.com/59b5va
I'm sure you could do a formula: gift x time taken to make gift = gift x number of bought gifts
Personally I don't like getting bath and body stuff for Christmas. Even if I like the smell there is usually so much of it it ends up sitting around in the bathroom unused.
I make soap and people have asked for bars of it, I also think goats milk soap or something unique would be nice in conjunction with something else.
I stopped buying little stuff like this a couple years ago and switched to baked goods. I baked 5-6 different things and then everyone ends up with a couple of each thing. If they don't like it they don't have a ton of it and there are enough choices that they will love 1 or 2 and like the rest.
Our whole family loves to receive gift certificates, because then we can get what we REALLY want!
But aside from that, I think when you don't know what to get somebody, I think a pound of fair trade, organic coffee is a good consumable for someone who likes coffee. Or fair trade, organic chocolate... it's especially good if you can get them hooked on a fair trade version of something they would typically buy a "normal" version of.
Oxfam International has a great bunch of options for gifts that are donations to help people in need, at a number of different price points. My problem is that most of my family won't appreciate a gift of "hey, we bought someone else a goat for you." But otherwise I think it's a great option. http://www.oxfamamericaunwrapped.com
see, soap and candles to me are like books, which aren't on your list. frankly, i'll bet more books given as gifts have gone unused far more than candles or soap. i love books, but often not books other folks have chosen for me.
a lot of people won't spend $5/bar on soap or $20 on a candle, so i give my handmade [non-cutsey] soap as gifts, and i'll buy quality soy or beeswax candles as gifts.
i try to make things at Christmas and tend to do the same gifts for the handful of family and friends we exchange gifts with. so this year everyone will get soap, truffles and peppermint icicles and nut brittle, most everyone gets something knitted, and this year, several people are getting fur pillows [thanks to a Freecycle vintage fur coat, i can afford to have them made].
another thing i started doing last year is choosing a piece of my young son's art and having postage stamps made. it gets used and it's special imo.
what i didn't make clear about soap, candles and books as gifts is that, as you mentioned, knowing your recipient makes a difference and those gifts *can* be thoughtful and useful.
Like Charlotte, I like giving (and getting) consumables, since they don't take up space. For me, hand soap (the frou-frou kind that is nice to have in the bathroom when guests are around) is an ideal consumable. As long as it's an inoffensive scent, I'm not picky at all -- after all, if I mostly put it out for company, it's not my hands that have to smell like it! Plus, we go through a lot of it, since it's nice to have a fresher bar for parties (the less attractive slivers get glommed on to the bathtub bar.)
Candles are a less of a giftable for me -- even hubby and I have a hard time agreeing on scents, so it's really hard to imagine finding a universally agreeable candle.
Darlingcaro -- I love the idea of the art as a postage stamp, btw. Makes more sense than the family photo (so tiny!) but still personal! I may steal that someday...
I had an ex who's mother gave me a stinky ass yankee candle for every holiday under the sun. Disgusting.
Stinky Ass yankee candle!! LOL LOL LOL
I couldn't agree more about the picture frames & wacky mugs! Gag gifts in general are a terrible waste of everyone's time.
This year I finally succumbed to the pressure and made a list of about 20 things I'd love to get & wouldn't mind multiples of, so I can give the list to everyone who asks. They are mostly small things like recipes & mix CD's or MP3 files, but also things like dishtowels, potholders and Almond Roca-which I never seem to have enough of.
As for "last-minute" gifts or gift exchanges (we have a couple this year with $10 limits) you really can't go wrong with consumables like coffee, tea & chocolate. Donations are wonderful but not always practical when caught off guard or for "white elephant" type gift exchanges.
I've assembled unofficial lists of gifts for different occasions over the years. I never buy off of registries for weddings or showers, but I try to make it personal if I can, eco-friendly, from a small or independent company, and something people need, even if they don't think they need it.
For example, I didn't give this one, but received it from a bride I was a bridesmaid for—a sigg bottle. So awesome. She picked out a different design for each bridesmaid.
I think my dear in-laws have gifted each of these items to me and my husband over the years... and each one was promptly re-gifted to folks that were low on our gift-giving list.
This year I hit the Salvation Army during the summer when sweaters were 4/$1 and picked out some truly tacky ones to reconstruct into hats and scarves. Pretty easy with a sewing machine.
Argh. I hate getting all the things you mention!
With some of my friends we exchange iTunes gift cards as you are sure to get every last cent's worth of use out of it (if you buy them at Costco, they are cheaper than face value).
Other friends we've opted for a "take each other out to dinner" gift, which is nothing more than going dutch really - you pay for them, them for you at a nice restaurant for a splurge. Or you can give the gift of picking up the whole check.
All of my friends have lamented how challenging Christmas and birthdays have become - we all have everything we need and the obligation others feel to give something wrapped, ends up most of the time as guilt clutter.
Another friend has 4 season tickets to a local theater and invites friends to either take all the tickets for a show (if she can't go, she would rather not see it, thinks someone else will enjoy it, etc.) or join her.
Have a heart to heart with friends and family about giving - I bet you would be surprised to find others are frustrated by the process and the lack of meaning too. It's liberating to just decide to celebrate each other's company - have them over for dinner, make it festive, enjoy.
Send me your mismatched and satirical coffee mugs. I have absolutely no coffee mugs. I am a woman in need. :-P
<3 k
All of the things listed here, plus food gifts. I'm unable to eat sugar because of fructose intolerance, and most of those around me know that. Yet every year, somebody gives me the fleur de sel caramels or fancy chocolate or other bag of sweets.
My favorite gift? Gift cards. No really. Gift cards!
We think a gift subscription to this blog would be a great gift offender!
Soaps and candles are better than the alternatives. Clay figurines are THE WORST. Or cheap jewelry. But I agree, it is better to go with the smaller but fancy option, if you can swing the cost.
I give quality socks. Most people won't spend $18 on a pair of socks, but they like having them. I also give mix CDs. Some people really appreciate this, others are minimally interested. Doesn't really matter because it costs so little to do and you never know what might get someone's attention.
I'd rather not get any gifts at all, unless it's something I actually need or want.
If you must give me something, give me food. Even if I don't like it, I can always share it with friends and co-workers.
I think a lot of giving of these gifts comes from pressure to give gifts to an insane amount of people..every single friend, co-workers, etc, etc.
I am lucky enough to be able to super-pare down my list. Last year, my list went as far as my friends grandparents. This year, it's cards for grandparents (who don't want more stuff anyway), and gifts for hubby, parents and siblings. That's it. Best way ever to avoid buying crappy gifts.
Unless you give really obnoxious or ugly candles, I don't see the problem. At the very least, candles have utility, as does soap.
The fact that you can make a list like this indicates how little you actually need the gifts you're receiving. It'd be best to encourage your friends and family to save their money for their kids or to donate to charity rather than waste it on gifts for people who clearly have everything they need or want.
Agree with LilyC about the heart-to-heart. I don't know who initiated the conversation, but a couple of years ago my family agreed that none of us needed or wanted any things for Christmas, so we tell one another ahead of time what our preferred charity is and we give each other donations.
I'm going to ease my new husband into this scheme and steal the postage stamp idea - I think I'll use one of our wedding pictures!
How about no bad christmas sweaters? You think it's a stereotype until you get one. PJs on the other hand. I get a set from one of my aunts every year. I love it.
Agreed. I have to much little stuff as is. I love getting practical things. This year I asked for some nice silverware for Christmas (as the kind i have now is mostly plastic with a metal end and is snapping in half).
I also love getting TOM'S shoes (www.tomsshoes.com) It's great to get a pair of shoes, which seem to always be needed by me, as I usually only get them around this time of year. I don't like shopping much. PLUS, for each pair you buy, a pair is sent to a child in need of shoes. Brilliant!
I'm all about hand making my gifts and cards. It helps that I sew, knit, craft, and take photos though. But gifts from the heart are the best really.
Ok, frames and candles are fairly lame, but what do you do when your mother-in-law insists on giving your husband socks and boxers every single year, and from Costco at that??
I also detest getting books as gift, unless it's something I have specifically mentioned that I would like. One year I got "Walter the Farting Dog" from my brother in law, for my future children. And no, I wasn't pregnant.
I like consumable gifts as well, like a bottle of wine, or some nice chocolates. Coffee giftcards are my favorite! This year we asked everyone if we could all just have a handmade gift exchange instead of buying stuff. There comes a point where you just don't need another mug, or picture frame, or candle, or CD, or whatever. I would much rather have something small and meaningful that remind me of the people I love!
I hate giving or receiving gifts of obligations. My family is pretty minimalist, so I prefer to give experiences instead: memberships to museums, organizations, theater/ballet/symphony tickets or massage gift certificates.
Although I found a store in the Indian/Pakistan part of town that sells lovely silk/pashima scarves that I adore. My mom and G-ma will each get one of these luxurious, yet practical, scarves.
I'm a big proponent of the Movie Bag. You get a bag (gift bag, paper bag, grocery bag, whatever moves you), throw in a movie rental or two (Red Box rentals work great for this if you need to keep it cheap!), assorted boxes of candy and a bag or two of microwave popcorn (maybe one buttered, the other Lite). I've given this many times as a I-had-no-clue-what-to-get-you gift and everyone loves it!
Homemade gifts work as well (hot chocolate, puppy chow and pies being the favorites).
I think it's funny to see people ungrateful at the very thought that someone would give them something that they don't like. If people are going to be like that, then why give a gift at all? If you get a gift it's usually because someone cared enough to think about you. Why couldn't you appreciate that act in itself?
Gift Cards just seem so impersonal to be perfectly honest. It's almost as if you didn't take the time to get to know the person or what they like so instead you sprung for a gift card. Unless it was a gift card to their favorite store. I suppose that would be okay. If you care about them enough to consider getting them something for the holidays then take time getting to know them, and what they would like.
To make a post about gifts that are "offenders", and blatantly stating the fact that you loathe these ideas... Maybe you also forgot the real meaning behind the holidays? Togetherness, thankfulness, sharing, caring, joy etc.
I hear you, Justcherrydarlin...
Those very few, who I swap gifts with, receive something personal I know they like; they've mentioned something months ago and I paid attention.
Or I know what kind of food and drink they love, so I either buy or make it myself. Or I invite them to some kind of event that will be to their liking, just to get to spend time together.
What matters to me the most is time spent with my loved ones. Everyone is so busy nowadays, calendars never seem to match and we live in a zillion countries that the perfect gift is a nicely cooked meal for a friend or something similar.
Of undesired gifts, one of the few things I can't stand are scented candles (there's nothing neutral about them), but that one's easily solved as I gracefully can pass it on/donate the same way as other items I perceive as superfluous in my home.
I advise the clueless to think green this year; if you don't know what to give someone, don't give anything at all. Season's greetings should be enough.