Well, the kid is a kid. Being a child is transitory -- as the child of foreigners, I have always felt that American parents forget this. I've never understood the American emphasis of making children happy in the moment at the cost of their happiness in the future. You spend much longer as an adult than as a child so is it not sensible to instill in children the good taste that will benefit them as adults? I'm not yet a parent, but I know for sure I will not care too much what they think about the decor of their bedroom -- much less if their tastes veer towards Disney. A child's opinion matters on a lot of things -- whether or not she likes her school, her extracurriculars, etc. But if she complains there's not enough Disney branding in her bedroom? I fear it'd make her grow up to be the kind of grownup to wears sweatshirts emblazoned with Winnie the Pooh.

Don't overthink it. If she wants something with a princess, so what? If it was some other toy would you buy it for her? If yes, then buy it. If no, then don't. If she wants a princess-y pink themed room and it's all the same to you, do it. If you don't want to spend the money on something she'll likely grow out of, then don't buy it. It's just that simple.

Agree with JOYLUCK76

I long ago chose not to be a parent, partially because when I look around I think fewer and fewer people have any clue about doing it right. These days, it seems like people are vicariously living their childhoods through their children, each successive generation spoiling their kids more than they were spoiled. (And it shows in many places such as politics, as these people get older!)

The child does not own the home. Their tastes and desires should be moderated and guided. If they love Pirates or Princesses (for today) I can see a few (3-5) themed toys being appropriate. Some books. MAYBE a color scheme, assuming that the colors are tasteful to their parents as well. Beyond that, some actual values might be instilled, such as compassion for kids less well off than themselves, or care for shelter animals, or skills they can learn (sports, crafts, art, dance, gardening, helping Mom, etc.) I have seen high end decorating shows on TV where people spend thousands and thousands of dollars building indoor tree houses or pirate ships for their kids, when all that instills (apart from Rich Dad's sense of satisfaction and one-ups-manship) is a sense of entitlement and greed. We have more than enough of THAT already in the world. It makes me embarrassed to be American.)

I wonder why we don't have similar concerns about boys liking action figures and sports, worrying about them bring an alpha male.

I have 5 boys, so I cannot relate to the princess thing.

Also agree with joyluck76 - if I was ok with buying, say, cars themed bedding for my son's bedroom, (I'm not, it's ugly, but whatever) then I would have no problem with disney princess bedding for a girl. Telling them they have to like other things more than princesses is just as bad as telling them they have to like princesses best.

This is an interesting topic. As a young girl, I was more into animals and being outdoors, and so I asked to paint my room green. My parents agreed, and so that was my bedroom until I was 18. My sister, brought up in the same home under very similar conditions, wanted a room full of pink ballerinas and roses, so that's what she got. After a few years, she hated it, but was stuck with it. I think parents have to balance their own desire for a well decorated room, and the desires and interests of their kids.

What drivel. Kids' want what is fashionable among their friends, just as adults want what is fashionable. Ultimately, there is little difference between a little girl wanting a princess bedspread and her parents wanting an Aemes chair. They will grow out of their princess phase just as their parents will grow out of their mid-century modern phase. Kids should be allowed to decorate their own space as they please. Why stifle their creativity and potentially turn them off to design. "How are you all navigating these issues in your home?" Parenthood has far more important issues to be navigate. What is more important, the child being happy with the room or the parent? Kids aren't kids for long. Let them enjoy it.

SHERRYBINNH, It's funny you say that is why you chose not to parent... For those same reasons, I chose to be a parent!

I agree that parents have become completely overindulgent in their children's whims and wishes. In our home, we put a limit on Christmas gifts, put books and other reusable items (bubbles, blocks, etc.) in the Easter basket instead of most of the candy, and always try to purchase toys that have a long life span, are made of quality materials, and can be used in multiple ways (i.e. use your imagination). Personally, I can't handle mountains of plastic/character/battery operated toys, whether it is Disney princess or otherwise.

So to answer the question -- if the theme/toy matches my standards for a toy/decoration (safe materials, long life span, no characters, etc.), then I would consider it for my child. That being said, we do also limit the quantity of toys we bring into our home, so if there is no more room or the budget doesn't allow for it, that would also be taken into consideration.

I think if you say no to a child about something they want, you need to have a discussion (age appropriate) about WHY you will not purchase the item for them, whether it is budget or materials or morals or whatever... Not just offer another toy as a replacement. Children are much smarter than we often give them credit for. They can understand wants and needs and whys and hows.

I have two daughters, aged 5 and 2. The older one is TOTALLY and completely into all things princess and pink. (She certainly didnt get it from me.) And while I don't buy her all the licensed princess stuff, everyone else does. She may grow out of this one day, or she may not. It's not really a big deal when all is said and done. If it makes her happy, it makes me happy.

My daughter's room is very pink, and very princessy, and I don't think that it in any way shapes who she is or what she is going to grow up to be. When she outgrows the "phase" or whatever, she's left with a room that still has lots of character and color- just minus the dolls. I see no problem with indulging a child in a collection- whether it be something gender neutral and empowering, or "frivilous" like princesses. I love that her room is filled with what she loves, and so does she. Here's her room:
http://cleansmartsimple.blogspot.com/2011/12/disney-inspired-bedroom.html

I can always see both sides of this. On the one hand, I can argue that I had Disney toys as a kid without suffering emotional problems because of it, but then the way that Disney merchandised and marketed their cartoons in the 80's is nothing compared to the onslaught kids face today.

I can also argue that any attempt to genderize certain toys comes purely from society (after all, I loved both Barbies and Ninja Turtles), but even as a toddler, my brother made machine-gun or crashing noises with anything he played with. If you gave him a crayon, it would "vroom" and then pretend explode.

Maybe it's just a simple matter of moderation. If your girl wants some frilly pink toys or your boy wants everything to be car-themed, humor them up to a point, but then make them go play in the yard with outdoor toys (on bikes, or in the sandbox, or with with nerf toys). Have art time. Have board game time. Ask them to put on a show for you. As long as every second of their play isn't dominated by princesses, a little princessy time is fine.

I figure my little one will go through that phase, especially as a lot of children start to overemphasize girl items and boy items at some point when they're defining their gender. I just plan to continue offering lots of alternatives. We're raising her in a gender neutral way. But to us, that means that both stereotypical boy items and stereotypical girl items are both completely acceptable. I do have limits when it comes to toys that might harm her self-image, but we'll come to that when we get there. For now, I'm dealing with people who don't think a baby girl should ever wear blue even though it's just one of the many colors in her wardrobe (including pink).

My little girl wants a room that's pink, sparkly, girlie, princessy, heavily branded, AND downright garish. She also wants plenty of toys to play with, and trips to fun places. I frame the choices in terms of "Which do you want more?" She can have the Disney Princess vanity or the daycare ski trip (she chose ski trip), pink walls or an easel (she chose easel), a sparkly pink lamp or a trip to the indoor playground (she chose the lamp)...and so on.

As far as the whole girly girl, princess mystique goes, I just can't get too worked up about it. It's a part of her life that inspires her. Reading a book about princesses is still reading. Drawing a fancy ball gown is still drawing.

I know that she has this girly fixation, so I bring things in to her life that she may not think of herself, things like trampolines, legos, hikes in the mountains, Bugs Bunny, and sledding. And she loves them.

I laugh reading this because my two-year-old is currently dancing around the house in a frilly pink tutu and little pink ballet slippers. I grew up with pink and barbies and took ballet lessons throughout my youth. I also had a mullet and rode a BMX and when I was finished with dancing, I took kickboxing lessons. My point is that withholding a child's exploration of the world, be it princesses or dragons, isn't going to shelter them from the realities of sexism and gender stereotypes.

As parents, it's our responsibility to monitor their exposure to these things and educate them on how they work. Explain to your kids that Cinderella is just as awesome as Xena and that both are pretend. Explaining how marketing works may not be a bad idea either, if/when they're ready to comprehend such a thing.

In our house, we don't have cable TV (so no commercials, ever) and books are always more accessible and much more prevalent than toys. So far, it's working but she's only two so we'll see.

I love Peggy's book--just heard her speak last week. She is funny and thoughtful. I hope people will read the book before making snap decisions that it is "overthinking" things. Peggy writes in a highly nuanced way about gender issues in toys. She says that pink and princess are not bad outright--they are normal, healthy parts of children's play. Many of us remember playing with them without any damage! But the way in which princesses are marketed to children today is MASSIVELY different from when we are kids. The major issues are first, that kids are now only playing princesses in a scripted Disney format, rather than with their own imagination. They are also given no other options--pink and princess and beauty-oriented are how things are sold as being "for girls." Peggy lays the changes out in way I can't summarize adequately here--so I highly recommend you read the book--it is a fun read and you won't regret it!

I am mum to three little girls who each have their own tastes. The eldest is a ninja wannabe who adores scary animals, Bear Gryllis, and the video game Age of Empires. My middle girl is the exact opposite and prefers pink, glitter, and Hello Kitty. I let them decide their own tastes and do not try to "steer" them along. I encourage them to make good choices as far as purchases and to think about an object's real value, but I do not impose my own feelings about their collections. I am truly terrified of snakes but will gladly let my daughter buy a book about them or take her to see them at the zoo if she wants, the same goes for a trip to get our nails done and such. As long as the girls are using their imaginations and are not just following the crowd, that is good enough for me!

I think that all this talk about gender stereo types in the context of girls is not as important as some would make it out to be. Are there as much concern about boys and their toys, clothes, and likes? Are people making it a point to dress boys in pink, give them dolls, and put them in ballet?

Well, my daughter is still young (3.5), but is already starting to pick up the princess thing from other girls in preschool. I don't discourage it, but try to indulge it in ways that seem healthy and not too garish for me to live with. For instance, if she wants to dress like a princess, I encourage her to use any of the dresses from her closet (doesn't have to be anything too frilly or pink), and adding her Waldorf style wooden toy wand and playsilk for a skirt or cape. She plays "castle" by pulling chairs together to make a structure she can stand on, and gathering her dolls and animals inside. As long as there is imagination and creativity happening with the princess play, fine. If it is about collecting licensed figures and watching insipid movies, no. But then, I avoid most licensed characters and insipid movies, whether princesses are involved or not.

My 5 yo is totally into pink and purple and cries when not allowed to wear a dress. She does not give a rat's a$$ about princesses, though. So, it's the girlie stuff without the Disney tossed in. She told me repeatedly that her green room "made her sad" so I eventually painted it pink. A pink I can tolerate (Wild Aster) since it is my house so I am not having a bubble gum room in it, and I do not consider that in any way robbing her of her childhood. She loves it, expresses delight in being able to show her room to her friends, and I think understands that it was done as a treat for her (she had to help paint it) and that she is expected to respect her space, keep it clean, etc.

Parenting is a crapshoot. There are no rules that work for all kids. Some kids will internalize some wants, others will not. Some will grow out of the princes phase, others will not. Anyone who says there is just one way to do things is someone who has only one kid or no kids...

To see my pink room: http://holidayhouserules.typepad.com/house_rules/2011/11/the-big-reveal.html

I recently went to go see Beauty and the Beast again in 3D when it was back in theatres. Until that point, I hadn't realized how influential that movie was to me - Belle was my childhood hero, but not the Belle who wore a beautiful golden gown - I wanted to be the Belle that walked around town with my nose in a book. Too bad that aspect of the character got lost in all the Princess marketing.

I think there's a lot more 'meat' in the Disney stories than we give them credit for, but when you walk down the toy aisle all you see are the dresses and costumes, and branded crap. No wonder that's what kids want - that's all that's available to them!

If I don't agree with the message an item sends that's one thing, but I can't fathom telling my daughter she can't have something in her room because I think it's "ugly." She has the rest of her life to live in a "tastefully" decorated home but only a short while to be able to hang posters, paint the walls pink or do whatever else she likes without thought to what Apartment Therapy readers would think of it.

KD_MUSE, exactly. The way I deal with it is to encourage the aspects of princesses that I like. And, actually, the 90s through present Disney movies have quite a lot of good stuff, in addition to great music and animation. My daughter is really into "what's your favorite" right now. So, I tell her that Belle is my favorite princess because she is loyal, brave, and sees the beauty inside people. Oh, and she loves to read, just like mommy, and has brown hair and hazel eyes, just like my daughter. Then I tell her I like Tiana because she works hard for her dreams and Rapunzel because she sees the best in people, etc. I'll admit, she has a number of princess dolls and most of the movies, but not much else in the way of merchandise. I don't really feel the need to tell her grandparents and friends that they can't buy these things for her. To me, the princess dolls are no worse that other dolls and they are better than Barbie, or, the horrible Bratz. Anyway, 90% of the time, she and her brother play with their kitchen, plastic animals, and play doh, so I don't think she's been scarred too deeply yet.

I think dress up, fantasy, frills, and even "princess" are a normal and healthy part of childhood. I think wall-to-wall licensed crap (in design, in production standards, in material) is not. There is a big difference in pink/frills/princess and letting Disney own your kid.

My kid is happy to play with blocks, trains, puzzles, whatever, as long as she is wearing a princess dress, crown, and sparkly shoes! So I'm cautiously OK with the princess phase.

Her room has pink, yellow and white accessories and yellow walls (we rent) and everyone is happy. Thankfully, at 3.5 she doesn't yet know to ask for specific merchandise. I did buy some Disney princess sheets on clearance at Target because I knew she would love them.

I'm expecting a daughter in three months and have a 2 years old son, so I read the article and all comment with great interest. I always thought that since I'm not a "princessy" person, my daughter won't be either, but several commenters seem to contradict that feeling. I'm like KD-muse: I LOVED the Belle character because of the opening sequence, where she reads and doesn't care about the rest of the world. I wonder how long the motherly example can hold against marketing; maybe longer in our house where there is no tv, but not indefinitely I guess. I'm preparing for a number of negotiations and compromises !

My mom 30 years ago had very strong views about this stuff. She didn't believe in gender specific toys so we all got cars and dolls. Toy guns were not allowed. But more than anything the idea of spending money of brand children's decorations was never going to happen. I also agree that the commercialization and marketing of this junk has changed substantially.

To me a lot of this is a class issue and about having the resources to so obviously decorate a child's room around an expensive brand theme. This is exactly what companies want. I think it is important to distinguish between brands and "princess" stuff. At the same time I think there is a HUGE different between a car theme and a princess theme in the social representations to children.

JOYDREAMZ makes a good point but I've experienced it in the reverse. Disney junk is prelevant and available in every mass market outlet. I usually have to spend more money to avoid it. On the plus side, I am almost always buying a better quality product.

did anyone see the
SNL's take on the Bravo franchise of Housewives
this was called
Housewives of Disney
and
all the princesses were trampy bitchy sleazy drunken whores
and
cinderellas prince was in the closet
it was great
this has nothing to do with the post
but i am reminded that little princesses
can turn into something else altogether

For us parents, it's just another room in our house. For the child, it's their studio apartment (minus the kitchen). I let my kids set the theme of their "apt" just to let them be who they were. I bought them both kinds of supposedly gendered toys and they revealed themselves anyway. My oldest was much girlier than I ever was, and my youngest was a techie from early on.
So my oldest loved her dolls, whether princesses, Barbies or thrift store pre-loved generic ones. She also loved the trucks (which became limousines for her dolls), legos (which became the Red Family, Blue Family etc), and all toys went through her imagination to come out girly. Now her first daughter is All Princess, and she's waiting for the baby to declare herself.
My youngest built with Legos and used Barbie dolls to make overpasses and bridges in her constructions. Her decor now? Tech. All Tech.

And Totoro

If I had a dollar for every time I read, "you're over thinking" on a blog post, I'd buy Disney. It's called critical thinking, people. It's not trivial, I have spent a great deal of my college years and (short) professional life studying the marketing of extremely gendered products to children. I teach first grade and see how children are bombarded with commercialism almost 'round the clock.
The kinds of toys they end up playing with lead to scripted play in which they act out specific stuff, using very little imagination, and rarely stepping out of gendered norms. Disney books are not good literature! Try and read one, see what you think.
Furthermore, no one is suggesting these toys will cause severe brain damage, but I am asking you to take a look at what is being marketed to your child and consider it's messages. Thank you, Peggy! I've been following your work and appreciate what you're doing.

SCGOBLE, yes! I do not agree with my daughter's taste one bit, and she doesn't agree with mine. ("Mom, maybe you should get some things that aren't so boring. Why do you only like nothing and plain stuff?") Still, I let her make some decisions about how her room is decorated. Obviously, expense plays a huge role in my decisions; that rules out quite a bit of the stuff she wants. And there are a few things that I wouldn't buy because I don't agree with them (though the only examples coming to my mind right now are clothes). But, really, there's no accounting for taste...and when you're a little kid, it doesn't matter if your room looks like a gallery or like Fairy Princess Land.

I have 2 daughters, both a few months shy of 3 and 5 ( we nearly got them at the exact 2 years we had been planning for.) Neither is overly obsessed with princesses... I honestly think a lot of it has to do with the fact we don't have cable and we don't really watch a lot of "girly" movies. That being said, my oldest and youngest love Tiana, (whom I really don't mind) and my oldest is in ballet. She definitely dressed up as a Jedi for the Halloween performance... It was funny seeing her with her light saber amongst all the princesses. And from that right there, you can see we don't super freak out over "character" toys. The girls use them in great imaginative ways, and as long as they continue to do so, they can play with whatever they want. (case in point: today they were building with blocks when the dollhouse kitties knocked them over because they were terrible monsters. But Tiana saved the day and put them in jail, and helped rebuild the houses.)

When I was a kid I loved playing princess. I had the tiara, the wand, the pretty dresses, the whole shebang. I loved Jasmine and Belle the best. BUT I remember once my dad happened on my game, and joined in. He started asking me questions about how I would rule my blocks and stuffed animal kingdom. What are the laws of my fairyland? How will I make sure everybody is ok? What will I do when they fight? All of these were, of course, acted out with my dolls and toys, for my princessy self to cope with. This was amazing to me. Suddenly a princess wasn't just a girl in a pretty dress. She was a LEADER. She had civic duties and responsibilities to her fellow creatures. Since my favorite Disney princess tended to be the brainy ones anyways, this fit in perfectly with my schema. I guess what I'm saying is that toys send messages, but so do parents. A clever, engaged parent may just be able to draw the best out of any toy. Now, I still do favor buying ethically made, sturdy, lasting toys, but I guess I think more about how to help my child react to gendered nonsense in a smart, strong way than I am about avoiding it. And who cares if she has different taste than me, style-wise? My mom likes country and my dad likes ultra modern. Them letting me experiment (with sometimes heinous results, I admit) let me develop my own style. I couldn't break the bank, but yellow paint doesn't cost more than white or blue or black.

Just thought I'd include a link to Sweet Juniper's post on historically accurate real princess stories which I found very funny.

http://www.sweet-juniper.com/2012/02/sweet-junipers-historically-accurate.html

My 3 year old daughter asked for a Snow White dress and a Light Saber, which she calls Snow White light saber, for her birthday. This is an image of Snow White I can get behind!

auparker -- that is awesome.
also, i love peggy orenstein's work!

I heard some interviews with the author of the Cinderella Ate My Daughter book (though I didn't read it), and while I'm inclined to agree with some of her ideas, mostly it seemed way over the top to me. My four-year-old son is currently obsessed with Disney's Cars movies and his Cars toys, and no one is writing a book about how that is going to ruin him. If my one-and-a-half year old daughter decides one day to obsess over princesses, it will not preclude her from being a strong, independent-minded, intelligent woman when she grows up.

as a mom to a 2.5 year old girl, I have to say that we have yet to cross this bridge. as much as I agree that we should follow our kid's needs and wants. I also would never decorate a room for her that I do not like myself. After all, this is my house. And she's part of our family. Give kids some credit. They are much more resilient than many parents think. They can and do handle limits and an occasional justified "no" well.

I think we are still okay as a culture letting daughters do the pink/glitter thing. We still get hung up, however, when the sons want to do it.

I was obsessed with Cinderella as a little girl. What I remember really being drawn to, though, was the fact that she was very kind and that all the little animals loved her. I remember wanting her to become real and be my friend. The princess part was secondary. Just riffing on what others said about the laudable qualities in these princesses that can sometimes be emphasized.

If children are allowed media in an unrestricted way, then, yes, they can be marketed to in an unrestricted way. As parents, it is our job to say, "No." We can control the media in our lives--by using the off switch, by choosing to read a book aloud instead of encouraging more screen time, by chatting with our kids instead of handing over the iphone. It takes dedication, but when we as parents take over being in charge of the content of our children's media exposure, then we have the power to influence what is being demanded of them.

jp415373 -- The negative power of advertising in the life of boys has also been extensively documented. Read "Buy Buy Baby" and "Born to Buy" for more.

@ Gregory H - Couldn't have said it better! People need to relax and use some common sense.

If you hate Disney and all things marketed in your home, then that's your prerogative. But sometimes I feel like adults really forget what it's like to look at something through the eyes of a child. Have you witnessed a kid meeting a Disney character, Princess or Toy Story etc at Disneyland? To them it's magic. To us jaded adults it's commercialization right? Let them have a moment in their lives to remember how fun it was being a child. One day the won't look at them the same way and you will miss it.

Every time I see these incredible kids bedrooms on here done up way better than my own bedroom, especially by first time parents, I think you just wait til your child is 5 and suddenly that room that you think your kid will be able to grow with, won't match their personality. Just because you liked a given color or idea, doesn't mean they will. They are their own person. It's not about giving into their whims and buying them everything they want should they want to change it up, but to not let them express their own likes and dislikes doesn't help them either.

Thanks for the info, Judiau. I will check out those books!

I think the parents that are raising the question of boys toys are right on the mark. And as an artist/social worker that studies gender/child development, I am saddened at the reality that parents are clueless as to the power of marketing and identity these days. This is a multi-multi-billion dollar industry that has spent decades studying how to manipulate and change the thinking of human beings. It is a refined brainwashing that we are all subjected to on a daily basis. Us older folks remember a time of life and tv, but now there is no separation between marketing reality and our own lives- they are surrounded on all fronts by messages with a monetary goal. Did you know that girl's self image peeks at 8 yrs old? That's great that your 4 yr old is happy imagining she's a beautiful princess, but when she has greater self awareness and sense of reality at 8yrs and realizes she isn't the most beautiful (or is), what then? The question we should concern ourselves with is what qualities and tools are we instilling in our daughters and sons that will give them the strength to thrive in a world where they will be bombarded constantly by messages, the goal of which is to make you feel unhappy with yourself and that they are not good enough unless they buy certain products and that beauty is the only quality that really matters for girl, and physical strength is the only quality that matters for boys. Its difficult if, as parents, we model an addiction to consumption and are always online looking for 'stuff" to make our own lives better. Its about looking at the big picture, not the moment. I am so saddened when I take my girl trick or treating on Halloween and every single girl is a princess. When I was growing up, there was always that one girl who had to be a princess, but everyone else had broader imaginations. Now, we've shrunk it to princesses. And what does a princess represent in play? Play is not irrelevant. Play is a major part of building our adult identity- it's about trying on roles and stretching out. how sad for these girls who feel the best thing they could ever be is a stupid, rich, boring princess. I dare say in real life, princesses must have the most boring, sad and repressed life. Why would we want our daughters idolizing that?

Even though I'm not a parent yet (expecting my first child--a boy!--in July), I come from a family of four girls all brought up in the eighties/early nineties. As some have said above, money has a lot to do with this issue. My parents, both immigrants, didn't have a lot of expendable income and because of that we four girls shared a room and we didn't get to pick out the color or the furniture or the bedding or anything. We also didn't have cable, so we would watch a smattering of local shows and Sesame Street and that was it. We didn't have money to go to the movies much or eat at McDonalds so we were never begging our parents for Happy Meal toys or any princess stuff. I feel like we weren't exposed to this consumerist culture as much as a lot of other people were because of our limited economic resources. I feel like a lot of people, including the author of this book, feel pressured not to overdo it with commercial stuff simply because they are capable of overdoing it. In that sense, it helps a great deal to be poor if this really bothers you :)

I love @ammoniteink's comment, and her dad's excellent example! When I was little, the appeal of princesses was as much about power as about prettiness and wealth. Running with that concept (i.e. "with great power comes great responsibility") would definitely make for interesting conversations.

When I learned I was having a daughter, I steeled myself for the whole princess obsession and now I laugh at myself, because my toddler is all about cars and dinosaurs and choo choo trains and has zero interest in baby dolls which, I confess, makes me a little wistful! Maybe she's too young for me to make the call, maybe cars and dinosaurs and choo choo trains just make more interesting noises.

I'm actually more concerned about the example her father and I set as I find us slipping into increasingly stereotypically gendered roles.