A new year, a new promise for sanity and a new frontier stretching wide in front of us. What do you want to cultivate in your life this year? Ultimately most of us, more than anything else, want to be happy. We can clean up our shower curtains, we can tidy up the book cases, and we can finally move the clutter out of the garage, yes. But happiness is truly an inside job. There is a Tibetan saying that says: "Seeking happiness outside ourselves is like waiting for the sunshine in a cave facing north."
To make the new year truly happy, we might consider doing things that move the opening of our cave in the right direction -- things that cultivate the internal (and therefore eternal) light. More than a fleeting experience, contentment is a skill that can be learned; It is something that you can practice and get better at in your daily life. Here are four things (that have been researched and proven to boost the mood) that you might consider doing on a regular basis in the new year:
1. Do one totally unexpected nice thing for someone else each day. If you have housemates, do it for someone that you live with. (Note: totally unexpected! Paying your share of the rent does not count!) According to Martin E.P. Seligman, happiness expert and author of Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, "We scientists have found that doing a kindness produces the single most reliable momentary increase in well-being of any exercise we have tested."
2. Every night, briefly write down three things that went well and why. This is called the "what-went-well exercise" and has been scientifically proven to boost mood even for the clinically depressed. This activity may feel odd at first, but it's like anything that is new; you have to practice it before it becomes second nature. But by doing so you can learn to re-focus on the positive, to reflect on what went well rather than what went badly. We are programmed to zero in on the negative -- zooming in on what's good typically takes some work.
3. Make regular gratitude dates. Choose a friend or acquiantance who has helped you or positively influenced you in some way. Ask that person to meet you and tell them, in person, why you are so thankful for them. Notice how this affects your mood and theirs, as well as the relationship. (Relationships, after all, are what scientists tell us are the key to a fulfilled life.) Note: It has to be in person, and it is best if it is a surprise!
4. Set a goal for the new year. But, here's what most people don't do: break this big goal down into smaller goals. Research shows that goal-setting is associated with happiness. (If you are following our January Cure, you are headed in the right direction!) What does your ideal life look like? Take the time to think it through and write it down. Psychologist Dr. Laura King found that "people who wrote about their visions showed increases in positive mood, were happier several weeks later, and even reported fewer physical ailments."
If you can dream it, you can achieve it, right?
(Image: Leela Cyd Ross)


Sprout Side Table
Surprising someone with an unexpected kindness feels so good and boosts your immune system! So, go ahead. Let someone pull out of the driveway. Let the harried mother juggling a baby or toddler(or both!)and purchases line at the store go ahead of you. Stoop to pick up something a person walking ahead of you has dropped. Smile and make eye contact. We all long for connection in the world. It can be a lot less lonely place with just a tiny bit of effort.
Two lives changed for the better.
I think I am a pretty shy person and struggle to connect with people something but you know what...some of the most friendly people I've met are senior citizens. My car battery died at the grocery store and I was standing around on my cell phone looking pathetic. An elderly man, probably pushing 80, asked me if I needed help...let me use his jumper cables and actually gave me one of his Gatorades. We talked for a while in the parking lot about his old Mustangs and how I should take better care of my car (since they dont make Saturn's anymore haha) It was really nice to connect with a random stranger like that
Moral of that story? Old people are awesome, talk to them. They have cool stories.
One last tip - having a house rabbit can help the happiness level too! Adorable bunny.
House rabbits are the best!
Here here on the house rabbit!
Thank you for sharing in this article and for the posts above me :) You've already boosted my happiness level and I plan to share you words with my friends, husband and my 90 year old father who is hospitalized at the moment and impatiently waiting to come live with me, and I think we all need to hear and do our own work with some of these tips. xoxo!
Doing things for others truly is a way to be happy.....and if you are living with someone else, this apartment therapy is something everyone in the home gets to enjoy!
best goal for happiness: I should finish th...
This post makes me want to snuggle my bunnies at home. I have bonded pair - I second the comments about about house rabbits. I say all well cared for and loved pets will increase your happiness.
I have to make a comment about the suggestion to "let someone pull out of the driveway".
I commute to work. It's 15 miles but takes 45 minutes because of the 28 traffic lights, usually on red. I have to admit it really torcs me off when people do their random acts of kindness by holding up traffic even more, making me late for work. (Yes, it happens. I usually pad my time to arrive early, but sometimes I can't.)
It's one thing to be kind to someone who wants to merge, but you ALSO need to consider the people who are being held up when you do that. People in driveways and side streets usually will find a natural gap in the traffic eventually. If you are approaching a stop light and can let them in without actually messing things up for the other people behind you who will have to stop anyhow, that's excellent. But I have seen idiots decide to be all kind hearted in four lanes, and stop to let someone in who then proceeds to block three lanes of traffic trying to turn left into the far lane. Which kind of obviates any well-being they thing they caused.
(soapbox mode off)
BUNNY! (I have a house rabbit too. Mine would HATE being that far off the ground!)
If only, If only I could have a house bunny, but alas I have developed, after years of rabbit ownership, severe clergies to all things related to them.
Not sure if it was mentioned already or not, but they're just like cats. (If you train them to use the litter box, which is not horrifically hard actually.)
So my goal to make my house happier is, in the spring when they are in season and the weather more cooperative, to get a new baby parrot.
I cannot resist, but "developed severe clergies (to rabbits)" is one of the best typos ever!
Thanks everyone, and glad you enjoyed the post!
my parents tried to feed me rabbit, that photo brings back horrible memories
*shudder*
nothing like grilled bunny to make a party happen.
If you want to do 2 of these things at once, stop by an animal shelter and pet some bunnies (or kitties). I worked at one and people would claim the shelter was "too depressing". It's not. It's a nice place filled with love and caring people.
One day when at the shelter my mom called to say my Grandma had died. We happened to also be having a huge snowstorm outside. I was supposed to go home (not my family's home) but I stuck around and hung out with a gorgeous white cat that I liked.
Later I tried to drive and it was a horrible commute. I should have stayed with my cat, it was so comforting!
I like all the tips in the original post (and the reader feedback so far), but the one that most strikes a chord with me is the tip about writing down 3 things that went right and why. I get so focused on what needs doing, what fixes need doing at work, what needs improving in my condo, some of the latter being stuff that I've procrastinated on for months or YEARS ... blah blah blah blah BLAH; it's a real downer.
By contrast, to stop and think what went RIGHT is a real treat. And the added step of thinking "why" those things went right - heck, that's a real lightbulb moment, whether for how to do something again in the future or at least how to roll with punches and improvise as close-to-right-as-you-can-get for a particular deadline.
Another thing that's made me happy this month is to UNSUSCRIBE from some pricey event emails and shopping site emails so I won't spend time looking at them, being tempted by them and maybe winding up spending money that I'd be better off not spending. I'm resolving to find a way to continue to have a social life and have fun while cutting back on recreational spending or finding lower-cost forms of fun or economizing in other ways ...
This is so true and amazingly applicable today for me...I left a "basic" chain restaurant this evening where the overworked server made a big blunder with my service...for some inexplicable reason I decided to leave him a few extra bucks over a normal tip anyway since I'm a semi-regular and I felt it wasn't that big a deal as he was making it... I saw him clear the table and hold up the larger-than-expected bill, pausing almost in astonishment, then run up to me at the cashier with a big relieved smile and a "thanks so very much again!"...The good feelings I'm experiencing made this decision probably the best few dollars I've spent in a long time.
C.Richelle, I want to a get a parrot too! But not a baby, although they are adorable. Parrots can live 60 years or more, so they often outlive their owners. Think about adopting a grown parrot in need. You can find beautiful adult parrots on petfinder.com. I've known people who have adopted adult parrots and were able to bond with them very well.
Yay for house rabbits! My two never fail to cheer me up.
@BitchyDecor - "It can be a lot less lonely place with just a tiny bit of effort."
That is so well put. Actually, your whole post brings up a lot of things that are so easy to do but so easy to not notice the impact it can have on helping one through an otherwise rough day.
House rabbits are the best! Now does anyone have ideas on how to "design" around them? First off, I probably should not have adopted 5....um (insert crazy bunny lady comments, very appropriate) but they are here to stay. Anyone know of good ways to disguise their litter boxes? Or any nice bunny gates for stopping them from getting into areas where they do not belong? I am at a loss.
These sound like great ways to make some bunny very happy.
Is it Chibi in the photo?
JessL - go to the House Rabbit Society website. They are the best rabbit resource on the web. I don't know what you mean by disguising litterboxes, typically bunnies go to the corners of the house so rabbit owners put litterboxes in corners so the bunnies won't go on the floor.
Learn all you can, and find a vet who specializes in rabbits. Nutrition, safety proofing the house and recognizing disease is absolutely vital.
I do love wabbits! But I also love my rescue ferrets & dogs! Right at this very moment I am cracking up because my female dog is having a tail wagging play session with the girl ferret. Yes, ferrets & dogs DO get along if raised together. My dogs are a LOT bigger than the ferrets but they seem to instinctively know how to be gentle- even when the ferrets are nipping the dickens out of the dogs while playing. And yes, to all those ready to comment about leaving them unattended, I DO stay with them at all times during play sessions. Not only for the safety factor but for the fact that they ARE all so sweet playing & snoozing together that it warms my heart & makes me smile- which is especially wonderful after a stressful day. A cup of hot tea, sitting in my comfy chair by the big west facing window, 4 furry friends having a play session... that's heaven.
I'm tickled at how many AT readers have rabbits! I've literally never encountered anyone with a pet rabbit (that I knew of). More to the point, these suggestions are fantastic. I can personally endorse the first and fourth. Love this positive psychology stuff!