My twins were born at 33 weeks and spent about a month in the NICU, so your friends triplets are really there for a long while. The hardest thing about having babies in the NICU is being able to BE THERE as much as possible. NICUs often don't have facilities for parents to room-in, so anything that you can do to make it easier for your friend to be with her babies would be appreciated. Find out what restaurants are nearby and get her gift cards to them for when she is sick of hospital food. Gas cards for all that commuting are great if she's not super close to the hospital. When it gets closer to their release date, she may want to be there even more often to nurse more often (perhaps) or just strengthen the bonding before bringing them home, so giving them money for a nearby hotel would be very nice. Sending a care package with snacks, kleenex, pens, notepads, toys if they have older children, things to personalize their NICU cribs, a digital camera that they can leave for the nurses to take pictures when they aren't there, a journal or baby keepsake book, a book about preemies, a tape recorder so that they can record their voices and leave it with their babies when they can't be there, a Boppy pillow to make it easier to hold all three of them when they are ready to be held, etc. would be very thoughtful.

a colleague of mine does a preemie clothing drive annually and donates the clothes to area nicu for parents.... no one really plans for preemies when buying baby stuff... so maybe sending her some preemie outfits would be helpful.

I'm a nurse in an NICU and I find that parents get a lot of enjoyment from decorating their babies' bedspaces. How about making or commissioning beautiful posters with each baby's name and/or birth stats on them? there is usually someplace for something like that to sit or hang near an isolette, and it makes thing feel a little less cold and a little more personal.

It's really hard to make someone's life easier from afar, especially with something as emotionally wrenching as extreme prematurity. But your friend will definitely appreciate any little gesture that lets her know that she and her babies are in your thoughts.

My daughter spent the first month of her life in the NICU. She wasn't a premie, she had other problems. First, always have a pen and paper on you at all times. Those doctors and nurses will have tons of information for you and if you don't want to forget it, write it down. And don't be afraid to stand up to those doctors and nurses. I once had to make it clear to a nurse that I wasn't an invalid and could change my daughters diaper, after she kept stepping in front of me to do it. When the babies are able to bottle feed let them know you want to do it. It's your time to bond, not theirs.

It is important for the parents to have a support system, but most important is for the parents to focus on their babies. I recommend having one person in charge of taking all calls from friends and family and distributing the news. I had my mom in charge of it. I had no interest in talking to a million people a day about everything, no matter their well wishes. My mom fielded all calls and gave out any important news. I focused solely on my daughter.

I also encourage the parents to find a way to release some of the stress the NICU brings. I found that blogging was my biggest stress relief. I would document my daughters progress for family and friends, but mostly for me to get it off my chest. If they aren't comfortable with blogging, maybe keep a journal or pray about it. What ever it takes.

I'm not sure if this helps. I do hope the babies and parents get through this rough time. I will be praying for them.

My son spent a few weeks in the NICU, and my twin niece and nephew were there for a month. I love Natalie's suggestion of restaurant gift cards and/or gas gift cards. It can make a big difference. Other ideas include thank you cards -- the parents will be spending a good amount of time in the hospital, and will have some down time where they can write thank you notes. Preemie clothes (sleepers are the best) will be needed and sometimes are not easy to find. The NICU will dress them in their own clothes (at least ours did). And I love annekeo's idea of things to decorate the isolette. Etsy has some cute personalized printables. Plus, these can be transferred to their nursery at home once they are released. Sending up prayers for these three little ones! God bless.

There is a wonderful organization that sends free care packages to parents of micro preemies. Please learn more & contact them on your friends behalf at www.grahamsfoundation.org

I spent 7 weeks in the NICU with my 30 weeker and I would have loved gas gift cards - we had to drive back and forth to the NICU 2x a day as my husband and I went separately. Other ideas are to set up a meal list online (foodtidings.come) for when the parents and/or babies come home because when you bring them home the last thing you want to worry about is food! I also would have loved handmade items to decorate the isolette, or things from Etsy, as I'm a very crafty, handmade-loving mama.

It's wonderful of you to want to help and support your friend. Preemie mamas can feel very isolated and alone, and even though you won't understand what she's going through, the fact that you want to be there for her speaks volumes.

Mine were born a lot later (33 weeks) so we were lucky to avoid a lengthly NICU stay. But for the time we were dealing with it, some of my issues were practical. Getting there (which I understand you can't directly help with), having food to eat while I was there, having meals at home, and things like that. Also, nice hand lotion. The really thick stuff. You have to wash your hands constantly in the NICU (and put sanitizer on, even between babies) so something that will keep her hands from getting too painfully dry would be thoughtful.

Don't laugh, but I have sent Omaha Steaks orders to friends long-distance in similar situations. There are a lot of meals to choose from, the prices are reasonable and they're really easy to heat up.

I love the comments I've read so far, good ideas! My sweet baby spent the first two weeks of her life in the NICU after being born at 33 weeks, and these are the things that would have or did make our lives easier:

1. Clothes for baby
2. You could (even from afar) pay for a maid service to come and clean their home, I know ours was so chaotic and messy from rushing home after 8 pm in the evening, trying to eat, then sleep, then rushing out at 7am to head back to the NICU, a clean home can sometimes make even the worst situations more barable.
3. Food for her during the day, and especially meals waiting at their doorstep at night that are easy to reheat and dont involve much clean up.
4. Gift cards! For meals, or even for general stores for picking up diapers and other things most mamas have months to prepare for or get at showers that mamas of babies born prematurely find themselves without.
5. Care package of snacks for Mama while she's at the NICU during the day...Instant oatmeal, granola bars, CHOCOLATE :) Instant pudding, fruit...
6. Encouragement and prayer!

How sweet of you to ask for help in finding ideas to bless this family, I pray that everything works out well in the end!

Agree with gift certificates to restaurants near the hospital and even food baskets (make sure it's stuff they can eat with minimal effort, like in the hospital cafeteria, and go for variety.) Other ideas would be preemie hats, blankets to drape over the incubator (they probably won't allow the blanket in the incubator but they usually let you put it over it, which is okay), things to decorate, etc. And maybe it's not a bad idea to send them a journal and a nice pen, so they can spend the down time when the babies are sleeping writing - whether that's notes about what the doctors say, or thoughts about the babies or letters to them, or whatever, it'd probably come in handy.

I'm assuming they were born via C-section if they were triplets and that early - does the mom have everything she needs to recover from a C? It's a private gift, but C section panties and the like can be REALLY helpful and appreciated.

Wishing a speedy recovery and timely ousting from the NICU for everybody!

When my mom was in the ICU for a long time, and we were camped out there 24/7, one of the nicest things her friends did was to bring a huge bag of gourmet ground coffee to the nursing station. The nurses loved it, we loved that someone had thanked them in our name, when none of us were emotionally "together" enough to do that, and I made a mental note to do something similar if I ever found myself feeling helpless as friends spent long days in the hospital.

Hi Jennifer, How sweet of you (and smart) for asking this question this way! Too sad I have to say that I am a mother of twinbabies who were born at 26 weeks. My little boy had a very bumpy road but seems quit fine now but my babygirl wasn't that lucky, she passed away last november at the "age" of 5 months. It's hard but reality. So I have some experience at the NICU...
And I have some tips for you; stay in contact by sending postcards with some neutral words (it's about the fact that you are thinking of them not the words)dont call too much by phone, you can buy them burpcloths who will be used as blankets(!) and little (washable) stuffed toys who can be used in the couveuse to position the medical instruments. I used for both babies a little box to store all the little blankets and toys at the NICU It brightens up the place a bit, it becomes more personal this way. Musical toys a a great gift too and little (!!!) hats, socks etc. Just to show that those babies aren't just babies but are THEIR babies and different from the rest. I hope you like my suggestions and I apologize for my very bad english (I am ashamed but realy wanted to to tell you this)

X Astrud (Netherlands)

something easy you could do is to set up a meal calendar for them (if they don't already have one) through a website like www.carecalendar.org or something similar. find out their meal preferences and get an email list of their friends, and round up the troops to bring them dinners!

and if you can't bring a meal yourself, having a pizza or takeout delivered to them at the hospital is always a huge help.

The super handwashing necessary for the NICU can be very drying -- so some nice hand lotion wouldn't be amiss. If your friend is pumping, perhaps a hands-free pumping bra setup to make that easier. Gift cards for local restaurants and grocery stores too.

I had 24-week twins and was in the NICU for 4 1/2 months. The best thing people did for us was send money. We used it to pay for gas, food, lodging at the Ronald McDonald House (we lived 90 miles from the hospital)...you name it. I was off work that entire time so the extra cash was incredibly helpful to offset the loss of income.

Hello Jennifer,

I had preemie triplets born at 31.5 weeks gestation at the end of September. You are absolutely correct: the NICU experience is tremendously heart wrenching, particularly when the babies are born so early. There is nothing easy about the situation. Many of the comments above are extremely thoughtful and useful (personalizing their spaces, gas card, food delivery, hands free pumping bra if applicable)... not so sure about the thank you notes, though, lol. I'm still behind on those and my babies are almost 6 months old. Life with triplets, even when they're in the NICU, is like that. Whenever I see a thank you note, I break into a cold sweat :P I would also ask her about clothes; they won't be wearing any for a while, and some NICUs discourage it because they may get mixed into their clothing supply when being laundered, etc, and could get lost.

I would recommend little care packages sent every week or so, with staples such as the ones mentioned above, as well as a few that are also NICU friendly:
1) once they are off CPAP machines, itty bitty knit hats are all they'll be able to wear for the first little while, as they generally keep them in diapers in the incubators. The NICU supplied hats, but it was so wonderful to put them in ones knit by friends or family. The crazier and the more colourful, the better;
2) lots of easy snacks (granola bars, home made cookies etc) that are easy to grab as she runs from home to the NICU;
3) once they are a bit older and can be handled, footprint kits if they are not provided by the NICU;
4) offer to help with an e-mail list if she would like to keep everyone updated but doesn't have time to do it herself;
5) again, once they are older and she can bathe them herself in the NICU, really yummy, organic baby bath soap for hair and body;
6) A gift certificate or two for a massage - after a c-section and hours spent hunched over, peering into incubators at unfathomably tiny, helpless creatures a massage can do wonders for body and soul;
7) gift certificate for a nice restaurant - the NICU encouraged my husband and I to recharge as much as possible, reconnect and take a night off every now and again. Priceless!
8) Good quality travel sleep accessories for the bedside (we didn't have anything but a chair). Can be used in the nursery after they come home.
9) phone cards, because many hospitals don't allow cellphone use, but may allow you to use a landline phone if you're covering long distance charges (we had one in the Family Room)
10) hospital parking pass, if you can swing it. Our hospital charged $13 each time we went in, whereas the pass was $70 a month.
11) treats for the nurses!
12) it sounds like you have this one well covered, but a shoulder to cry on. Calm, empathetic and soothing support was my sanity... an "I'm sure everything will be fine" from the uninformed, or even a well meaning "congratulations" was not helpful at first.

Encourage her to take lots of photos, to take care of herself and her partner. It's soooo hard when you're living and breathing sick babies 24-7, but she needs to take care of herself first and foremost and let the NICU take care of the babies. I have never felt more helpless in my entire life, but we pulled through okay. My sincerest best wishes to her and her family.

I had premature twins in the NICU for 3 weeks. Your friends' triplets will most likely be there for a good while. I was traveling back and forth several times a day to a hospital an hour away while my twins were in the hospital. It was emotionally and financially draining. I think that your friend could really benefit from some gift cards, gas cards, or money. My hospital had some rooms you could rent so you could stay there but it was so expensive I couldn't do it (knowing what hospital bills would be in our future). My mom offered to pay for it and it was such a blessing for me. Just calling your friend to talk would also be good for her emotionally. I felt really stressed out that I had to be with my babies as much as possible, but my aunt called me and told me that this was my chance to take care of me and actually SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT! Which hadn't occurred to me before. Once my twins came home, I didn't sleep through the night again for six months (and that wasn't even a sure bet). Just hearing somebody tell me that I was a good mom and that my babies were being well taken care of and that it was okay for me to go home and sleep made me feel so much better!

My first child was born at 24 weeks gestation. There are a lot of good suggestions here.

When I was going through the NICU time, I definitely found that gas gift cards and nearby restaurant gift cards were very helpful. I also received a hospital cafeteria gift card, which was nice, as I hated to be away from my baby and I wouldn't go out to eat too much.

A friend of mine crocheted some beautiful soft blankets which I was allowed to place in the incubator at some point. I loved the micro preemie clothes I received from friends.

The best thing though is just to let them know you are there for them via card, email and occasional phone calls (though they may not be in the mood to talk, a voice mail to let them know you're thinking of them is nice). Also, I know this is a given, but just be very sensitive when you speak. You wouldn't believe the insensitive comments people make. I still remember the insensitive (and just downright rude) things people said to me or friends in similar situations.

Invite them to join a micro support group when they are ready to. In general, the experience of having a micro vs later gestational preemie is going to be very different.

http://www.micropreemies.com/
lists some good support groups

God bless their family. I only had one micro baby, and that was difficult already. They are going to be in a marathon journey of ups and downs.

Thank you ALL. Tears are starting to pool around my keyboard just thinking about how many people have had to take this journey. What wonderful suggestions...I've already started making my list and can't wait to send my first package to her and the babies. You all are very thoughtful and creative!

{Astrud, I wanted to tell you that I'm so sorry for your loss. I was so touched that you shared your story. Your English is very impressive and expressive.}

I'm a NICU nurse and agree that gift cards and little care packages of snacks (especially for a breastfeeding mama) are a great idea. I would check with your friend before getting any clothes because all hospitals are different. Another suggestion is to get a disposable camera for each of the babies (labeled) so that when the parents aren't there the nurses can still snap some pictures of the babies if they're doing something cute or are momentarily free of tubes and wires.

One more thought...maybe get a pack of thank you cards and stamp and put her return address on all the envelopes? If you have alot of the same friends, I bet you could even write addresses on a bunch of them. The baby gifts will be unstoppable and she'll be writing a million thank you notes in the coming months.

I was a first time NICU parent last fall (3rd time parent overall). It was incredibly challenging.

Your friend probably feels totally short on time, sleep, and understanding. Most people think that since the baby isn't home yet, the parents are able to stay on top of things. The opposite is true. At every turn the parents are faced with changing medical information. If your friend is attempting to breastfeed, she's probably pumping and washing pump parts on a three hour cycle. It's physically exhaustion coupled with constant emotional challenges (and feelings of personal failure and insufficiency). Hard stuff.

There's almost no time for basic self-care. Laundry service, maid service (with a 24 week birth the house was probably left in a complete uproar), lawn service, and/or meal preparation services* might relieve your friend of normal responsibilities that she's too overwhelmed to address.

It's shocking how having mundane needs met can restore a person's hope and energy.

A music mix (all upbeat) can help with the hospital commute.

Meal preparation services are shops which sell freshly made meals ready to cook or freeze. Here's a national directory: http://www.easymealprep.com/main/direct02.php

Similarly, I know people who have given gift cards for Schwan's and grocery delivery services (like Peapod).

Amazon cards are always a winner if your friend needs a hands-free pumping bustier or a specialized breastfeeding camisole that she doesn't want to ask for. It's also a great way to get convenience food delivered (like granola bars- which became a dietary staple for me during NICU days).

Oh, and if you want to help her when the babies come home- set up a free MealBaby.com account for her so she can let local friends/family sign up to deliver meals. It feels presumptuous to create one for yourself, but it would be really handy to reference when people ask now "What can we do?" The answer: drop off a meal when the babies come home.

It's so wonderful that you want to help! Definitely don't wait to be asked. I agree with others---when hospitalization is involved, what everyone needs is more time to be at the hospital. They don't want to be thinking about meals, laundry, the cost of gas to drive back and forth, or anything else.

What you get them depends on how well you know them (i.e., what foods or services would they really like?). Also depending on their tastes, sending some type of portable food for the parents to eat while at the hospital is nice (and just about anything is a nice change from hospital food/vending machines).

Going along with the thank you notes idea: I love having a self-inking return address stamp. One of the nice ones with a monogram.

Adrienne--all excellent suggestions, by the way!

All the suggestions have been fantastic. Anything that can personalise the space their babies are would be welcome. I felt like our twins weren't even ours when they were in hospital. They were wearing hospital clothing/hats, blankets and booties. As soon I was able I used our own things and it gave me the courage to start speaking up because these two little people belonged to us - not the nurses and the hospital.

My first son was born at 34 weeks and spent 3 weeks in the NICU...I have a *small* bit of experience, a slice of what some of you wonderful mommas have gone through! You are all so strong and amazing!
I concur with a lot of the suggestions-the NEED and WANT to be close to the babies as muh as possible is really the over-riding emotion for your friends. I hated leaving my son at night and driving home, and driving back and forth. Is there a hotel/motel across the street or nearby? A gift certificate for a few night's stay would be great so she an stay closer and just walk over for feedings but get some rest in between instead of spend her time driving.
When my son was in the Nicu there was a set of sweet baby girl twins in nearby isolettes. They had been born at 28 weeks and were now ready to go home months later...their granny made them satin graduation gowns in their teeny-tiny size with little graduation caps to match. The back of the gowns said "I graduated from "Nic U" !!! And mom and dad had "proud parents of Nic U grad class 2007". HA! I just thought it was so cute and a really nice way to celebrate ad commemorate their big little journey :) Maybe when they are ready to go home its an idea.

My daughter was born at 23 weeks and only weighed 15 ounces. They gave her a 5% chance of surviving and we were in the hospital for a little over 4 months. It is an extremely hard road. I definitely agree with the suggestion to give gift cards to restaurants/grocery stores. Also, for a while my daughter was in the Children's hospital an hour away and I would have loved if someone gave us gas cards to help with the commute.
Make sure she knows that she is her babies most important advocate in the hospital. I trusted the doctors and nurses almost completely but even if she doesn't feel like it, she knows her babies best and needs to speak up for them when she feels the need to. Ask a million questions and if needed, get a second opinion... or even a 10th opinion. One thing that helped me was to get to know the Mom's of the babies around us. They are going through the same trials and they can relate better than anyone. I've stayed in touch with some of our preemie families and they are some of my very best friends now. I kept a blog while my baby girl was in the hospital and it was so therapeutic and when people would leave uplifting and supportive comments, it would make my day. I felt like I wasn't alone, even if they didn't understand exactly what we were going through. I know your friend is much too busy getting through her day to day life but I'll leave it just in case. It's clintandaudrey.blogspot.com. Also, a friend of mine had preemie twins at 28 weeks and unfortunately, only one made it. Her story is amazing and she is so strong. I wouldn't have been able be as strong without her friendship and long talks in the NICU by our babies bedsides. Her blog is crewsjourney.blogspot.com.
I hope this helps. Also, anytime someone I know is having a baby, I make sure to give hand sanitizer. Once she brings those sweet babies home, she needs to be so strict about not letting germs into her home. Hurt feelings or not, she needs to be stern with everyone about keeping those babies as healthy as possible.

My twins were born 2 years ago at 24 weeks. Even at that young age they can get breast milk through a feeding tube. So a cover to pump next to their beds, a small cooler to bring milk to the NICU and a breast pump would all be great. I agree with all the other comments about clothes, snacks, meal services. We did a turtle theme in their pod, patient and persistent. I would highly recommend Caring Bridge. It is a website that the parents can write a journal and friends and family can follow and leave comments.

My twins were born at 24 weeks, 2 years ago...it is a long road to say the least. There at many emotions that your friend are dealing with that no one will understand unless they have ever dealt with their own children's mortality. While my kids were in for those four months, my best friend lived across the country, and I missed her terribly at that time. One of the sweetest things she did for me, was she knit me a blanket. When I wrapped up with that while holding the kids, she was right there with me. You are so kind to be seeking advice, follow your heart. So people just left us alone because they didn't know what to do, that at times we did feel lonely, so reach out!
We were actually given a visa gift card by a group of friends, which was great because we could use it anywhere, gas, food... also check for groups that help pay mortgages for families who have children in the hospital for longs stays, maybe you can help facilitate there...
best of luck to you and your friend's family

If the mom is pumping breastmilk, pumping supplies would be helpful. The hospital will probably provide milk containers, but your friend will want some microwave steam cleaning bags for her breast pump parts. We were never able to go grocery shopping, so if you can find a service that delivers frozen food to homes that would probably be much appreciated as well.

Another gift to consider is a book of nursery rhymes, children's poetry or other rhythmic stories. The sound of a parent's voice can be soothing to a newborn, and reading gives parents a way to feel close to their little ones in that challenging environment.

My son was born at 30 weeks and spent about a month and a half in the NICU in two different cities. I have to say, the most helpful thing people did for my husband and I was to drop off meals - casseroles, soups, curries - as we had no energy to cook, if we even remembered to eat.
ALSO, a really great prezzie is a great hand lotion for dry, cracked hands. Having to wash my hands and sanitize them at every moment in the hospital saved my son, but destroyed my hands. The hand lotion I got in a care package from some friends was a life saver.