My parents always asked my brother and I for a "wish list." It was understood that there was no way we'd receive everything on it, but it at least gave them some direction. And panic, when during my early-teen angst I asked for a boyfriend. Neither here nor there!

My husband and I find ourselves amidst a pile of random stuff after the holidays because family members don't know what to buy us. We'd rather nothing, but now that they've asked for suggestions, we're giving them. And emphasizing that gift cards to specific stores aren't cop-outs, really!

We always exchange lists with family members because they're not around us every day to know our precise personalities...and our parents don't quite understand the things we enjoy, culture wise. It's easier to point them to a list of graphic novels because otherwise, I'll get a set of monogrammed napkins (which I have no use for).

Some say it takes the joy out of giving and receiving, but I think what really takes the joy out of giving and receiving is giving something you're not sure the person will like and receiving something you absolutely hate or have no need for - and then it ends up in a landfill or being donated to Goodwill and while someone will want that item, you will still have received nothing of use.

We have the family gift exchange going on Elfster this year, and I went through my Etsy favorites, "wish list" pinboard and Amazon wish list to cull out the items that fit this year's theme.
I'd rather my "wish list" items be available to everyone so folks know what I'm interested in and like, rather than get something super-random that'll sit around my house for years and not get used.

I have running lists on Amazon, for my own sanity (now what was that ____ I found the other day?) and for Christmas/birthdays. By now most of my extended family and friends know to click over there and they're guaranteed to find something I'd like, so there's no awkward what-do-you-want conversations. Thankfully, my lists are...let's say extensive, so even if I picked it myself, there's still a chance I've forgotten about it!

Amazon wishlist FTW!!! I put one together last year and emailed it when people ask. Of course I didn't get everything on my list but almost everything I got I wanted. I think it really helps - one of my hobbies is knitting and I'm sure people would love to get me tools and supplies for that but since none of them are knitters there's no way they'd ever know what to get me. Now they can just log onto my wishlist and find exactly what I want. My family loved it so much they all have amazon wishlists this year - even my mom has one! It's also great because people can log what they bought you so that you don't get duplicates. I maintain mine through the year so it's always ready to go, and some members of my family have even bought off of it for my birthday.

Of course, I don't send it out unless people ask!

Yes, I do! After years of well-meaning but terrible gifts from my beloved -- the acid-washed shorts in 2009 were the last straw -- I now give her a wish list. I'm still surprised, but it's not a face-breaking WTF surprise. Makes for happier holidays!

My family uniformly uses Wishlist.com, but for a while now I have been asking people not to get me anything. What really matters is that they are thinking about me, and that is better relayed with something handmade or bought on impulse at an antique shop than with something made of plastic from China.

This year especially, though, I am encouraging my family and friends to give "experience gifts" or gift cards for services. This is a way better way to support *our* economy and give something special and memorable at the same time.

I have never been offended when I ask people what they want for Christmas and they direct me to their wishlist. I often add a bit of my own "flare" to their gifts to make it a bit more special but I want to get people what they want.

As an avid knitter for the past 5 years, my family received their fair share of completely awful scarves and misshapen hats at the outset of my knitting career. They smiled, thanked me, and quietly placed the more awful of the scarves in the back of a closet somewhere. As my skills have improved, so has the appreciation of my family as they now receive items knit with skill and love to garner compliments from passers-by (I've been told).

The one thing that I keep in mind to ask new friends is whether their allergic to certain animal fibers so I can choose the yarn accordingly.

When it comes to what I want, I usually put together and edit a myregistry.com list of items that I'm loving in a range of prices for family members to peruse. My mom usually asks all of us for a list and then puts them all together in an all-family email.

Another vote for Amazon wish list. Generally the adults in my family don't exchange gifts, but we do buy gifts for the kids. My sisters-in-law and I send links to our lists and a few clicks later my holiday shopping is done.

Amazon wish list!

I would, of course, prefer to be surprised by something but if they're out of ideas, I'm happy to say "oh, well, I really could use a ____" and leave it to them to find one of whatever that they think I would like. Plus, my family is great about mentally noting that so-and-so said he just had to get one of these dohickies throughout the year so I often get asked about what my sister might want (easily the most difficult person to shop for in the entire family) or I can ask my mom what my dad might want. It works out well.

I do feel that a wishlist is cheating, a little bit, but it means a lot to me that someone even thought of me so if that's what they'd like me to do, I'm happy to help. Getting asked is a nice reminder that the person cares about you and wants to be sure you get something you like.

We used to exchange wish lists, but it took the fun out of gift giving for some of us, now it's signature gifts (each person has their specialty: woodworking, pottery, chocolates, baking, painting, guitar lessons, violin lessons) and if you want to get someone something extra you know what their hobby is and there's a master list of shops that support that specialty. It's pretty easy to walk in or call and say 'what's the new toy/tool for someone who likes to make pottery?' and get something that'll really surprise the recipient.

We also have a rule, No Hurt Feelings, if you can't use something then find a happy home for it or take it to the thrift shop that benefits our local SPCA.

We always exchange Christmas lists in my family.

Half of our lists are usually links to specific items (complete with our size and preferred color), while the other half are more general requests like "gym clothes" or "a cardigan", for a little extra surprise element.

My parents are always really good at getting us stuff that's not on the list as well... my best presents are often things I didn't know I wanted!

Well said Pi! I received sooo many nylon negligees from my dear mil (odd eh?) even after telling her my preference for flannel (she said it was was I SHOULD be wearing), it took my dh to tell her he preferred flannel to the scratchy bozo-esque cosyumes she gave lol.
The she went through the "used underwear from goodwill for the kids" phase. Ugh. A gently used book for the same cost was what I tried to hint at. The underwear was ALMOST better than the "noisiest toys with drumbeats and sirens ever made" phase that she explained was funny because after all she was the grandma and could go home. Apparently I still have issues because this was all years ago.

Hahaha!! I had an aunt who used to give my sisters and me sexy lingerie for Christmas when we were in high school! We were like, wth?!

I just tell the parents what I need/want. They have basically no idea what items I use on a regular basis, or what I like. I would honestly rather they save their money than buy me things that won't ever be used.

I tell everyone else not to buy me anything. I don't like receiving gifts.

My mom made a hard and fast rule when I was a child--no list = no presents. She still asks me for one every year, so I have a wishlist lying around on Powells.com, and some Amazon stuff. She hates to give gift cards, so I make sure there are a few things on the list that are in her budget and that I want for me to unwrap. I'm getting better at winging it for my husband, but my MIL has started asking for my list too!

Rule of thumb: don't buy gifts for people you have no clue what would REALLY make them happy. Even if they are close family.

If you don't know what they would like, make edible gifts or make something yourself. Even if that thing might not be what they really wished for, it is at least unique and meaningful.

Similarly, I don't give hints to anyone. But all of the people who are close to me spend enough time with me that we eventually talk about things we like, colours we like and hate, things we are good at and not so good at, things we enjoy and even the things we already have. So, these people have a pretty good idea of what would make me happy and whether I already have that item (to avoid a spare I will never get to use).

I do give lots of straightforward hints to my husband, but he is the exception because he has given me so many awesome gifts he is really running out of ideas (and so am I for his gifts). I mean, he got me game consoles, kinky lingerie, an iPad, expensive clothes, shoes, tickets to really expensive shows and the most amazing gift of all so far, an $800 Abyssinian cat, who has become my best friend after I suddenly lost my old cat. He IS running out of ideas! So, I make wishlists online and send him the link, telling him what my size is, I point out things in movies and shopwindows, and I always go about it in a straightforward, honest way: "Honey, if one day you need an idea of what to get me, get me something like this." By the time Christmas rolls around, he has dozens of gift ideas, more than he could ever afford to buy.

My guidelines for buying successful gifts:

- Don't buy them just before Christmas; buy them throughout the year. Whenever you shop somewhere and see something that makes you think of a loved one, get it! It is always by accident I find the best gifts, and I never get anywhere torturing my mind trying to zoom in on the perfect gift, and then torturing myself more to find the store that has it.

- Get something they totally don't need and would not buy themselves because they see it as luxury. I once got a Berger oil lamp for my sister and it is her favorite scent item AND room accent to this day, and she admitted she never even would have thought of getting one. I also got a guitar t-shirt for another sister - she thought I was crazy, but she still plays that guitar-for-people-who-want-to-look-like-they-can-play. She never would have bought it herself. I also got her a Swiss knife with a bunch of tools on it. When I gave it to her, she looked at me with that “Why oh why?!?" look on her face (she is very girly and saw the knife as a boy toy). She has since admitted that was the most thoughtful gift I ever gave her (she practically lives out of her purse) and the one she uses the most, and it always reminds her of me. She prefers it even to the $700 vacuum cleaner I got her a few years back (it was her turn to get the extravagant gift that year). Small luxury items are always good - silk scarves, angora socks, artwork (if you really know their tastes, which you ought to as they are your loved ones).

- Avoid clothes unless they have been wanting that specific item soooo bad. You don't know how it would look on them, you don't necessarily know what they have in their wardrobe that would match with it and you can't be sure of their size either. Although I do make it a point to know all their shoe sizes, bra sizes, pant sizes and dress sizes. They can dress themselves without your help, and even without your help, they WILL buy clothes.

- Pay attention when they talk about themselves all through the year. That is when they tell you, totally unintentionally, what you should get them.

- Send them to a show instead of giving them material gifts. Everybody enjoys seeing the Nutcracker! If not, there is a theater play for everyone. No problem with sizes, finding out which store has it, etc...

- Gift cards are lazy gifts, but they are a lifesaver when you are stuck. I have yet to meet a person under sixty who wouldn't be happy to get an Apple gift card! Trust me, they'd rather get gift cards than monographed napkins!

- If you are really stuck, ask another person who is better at this than you are and maybe even knows the giftee better to buy something, tell them your budget and pay for it. Just don't let them wrap it and, for God's sake, don't have them deliver it the day you are supposed to gift it!

Sigh. Where do I begin? I don't believe in the real reason behind Christmas, but I celebrate it anyway because it's culturally ingrained in me and because everyone else around me does too. I admit it, it's a superficially beautiful holiday--how can I not join in? I like all of the warm and mushy feelings that accompany Christmas.

When it comes to gift-giving, I give gifts to 1. people I like to make happy (family and close friends ) and 2. people that I feel like I have to give gifts to (some family). The only people I ever spoil by asking what they want for Christmas are my parents and my sister. My brother hates receiving gifts, so I never bother to ask him. I just have to make sure that whatever I get him is very cool and practical. My family isn't gift-hungry. In fact, we never grew up exchanging multiple gifts because 1. we weren't well off and 2. my parents disliked the idea of so many gifts for the occasion.

I do my best to gift thoughtful gifts. I buy people stuff I would buy for myself, but in their taste. My in-laws wanted to do a one-gift exchange with a wishlist attached this year. I was not one for the idea. To me, Christmas isn't about getting material stuff that you want (that's what birthdays are for).

Now when it comes to people asking me what I want, I always say the same thing, "nothing." I'd like for people to try a little harder and put some real thought into buying a gift for me. Is that too much to ask? Sometimes I'll give my husband a small list of things I'd like for Christmas, in case people keep asking him. It's usually something along the lines of: trouser socks, pretty hair pins, books. The little things that I love and am always in need of.

As for what my husband can gift me, I really have to give him a hint. Nothing sucks more than getting a crappy gift from your husband. So I'll send him an email saying, "I want this scarf," with the link to it two months in advance.

And that's how I handle my giving gifts to other people and other people giving gifts to me.

We simply ask each other "what do you want for [insert gift-giving event here]?" then do our best to pick something on the list. And we talk to the remaining family members about it, so no one ends up with duplicate gifts.

Alas, I have had to TELL my family, point blank, to NEVER BUY ME CLOTHES AGAIN. My mother in particular has had some difficulty processing the fact that I'm not a size 4 like she is, and used to have a very bad habit of buying me clothes that were either two sizes too big or two sizes too small - and failing to cough up a gift receipt until after the return deadline.

I'm really turning into a scrooge. I'm sick of being asked - demanded really - to provide an exact list of what I want for Christmas. I try to be thoughtful and creative when buying gifts for everyone else - even when I haven't seen them in months - and I don't want to have to shop for myself too! It's turned into some gift giving arms race that makes me want to say: why don't we just spend some quality time together instead? I really don't need anything. I'm not even religious, but this is NOT the meaning of Christmas. I know, if you give an exact list of wants you are less likely to get pure junk, but really people - you know when you are buying pure junk. It's easy: just don't do it!

Ahhh, rant over...

Now that the kids are grown, my husband sends out what he calls The Christmas Spreadsheet (he thinks he's hilarious) and everyone MUST participate.

Then a million emails go out with who took care of what gift.

I asked for drywall for the basement last year. I didn't get it.

My siblings are all married and half have children. We all all between 25 and 35 years old. We do not "do" individual gifts. We do family gifts. for example I have given a family of crocs to my sister and her 3 kids. I have given a gift card to a dinner and movie to my brother and his wife.

I am the only single- no kids- person so I tend to get the short end of that stick. (Think magazines in the checkout line, or a candle) but it is okay. I rather spoil the children than my siblings.

Growing up, we were dirt poor for the first part of our lives, the next part we were well off but not allowed to receive gifts the way others were. We always got 3 presents and they were the same thing- one new outfit (holiday dress or pjs), one bra/undies or hat/scarf set, and one special gift (I usually got a book or a stuffed boyd bunny)

Xmas gifting is over-rated really. I like to give presents all throughout the year to my nephews!

Am I the only one who would really love to receive monogrammed napkins? I kept asking for them and everyone thought I was kidding. I finally found a set at a flea market and snapped them up. I use them all the time and love them.

I buy throughout the year when I see something that I think a friend or family member would enjoy. I don't spend the same amount on each person every time. I figure it all comes out in the wash. Besides, if you know how to pick a gift $20 can provide the same amount of joy as $200.

One thing I've ended up doing without even fully realizing it over the years is cultivating the ability to look at a gift and see its potential -- even if it's something I'd never have gotten for myself and didn't particularly want. E.g., a shirt in a color I'd never wear could possibly be dyed, and all sorts of items that I'd never put in my kitchen or living room as they are might still be useful in craft projects. I know some gifters might be annoyed to see an item not being used for its "intended purpose", but thus far that hasn't been a problem with the people in my life. I'm incapable of convincingly faking gratitude, and for all its inherent "risk", my approach at least allows me to project genuine thankfulness -- even though I'm not necessarily thankful in the way someone would be thinking!

I have a small list of people that I buy something for every year, but if I see something that reminds me of someone who's not on my list, I'll make exceptions. My extended family seems to have stopped gift giving, which is fine by me! I don't like the feeling of obligation and would rather just spend time with people rather than dealing with the whole present exchange.

I also don't like receiving gifts from people who feel obligated. It shows, and it's wasteful. Neither person enjoys the exchange. Thoughtful gifts are lovely, thoughtless gifts are frustrating and awkward.

The one thing above all that was drummed into my head since I could talk is:

"What do you say when you get a present?"
"Thank you."
"What do you say if you don't like it?"
"Thank you."
"What do you say if you already have one?"
"Thank you."
"What do you say if you can't use it because [doesn't fit, allergic to _____, don't have pierced ears, etc.]?"
"Thank you."

I have a box in my attic where the "bad gifts" go. It's a dark, secret place that reeks of guilt and ingratitude. But it keeps bad gifts from tugging at my conscience like they would if they lived out in the open, unused and unwanted.

my mom's side of the family play's christmas bingo.

Everyone brings a $10ish wrapped gift. All gifts are put in the middle of the room. Everyone gets a bingo card and a timer is set for 1/2 hour - 45 minutes (the bingo set has been in the family since my mom was a kid). we go around the room each calling a number from our card- this way everyone gets 3-4-5 bingo's during the game. getting a bingo means taking a present from the pile..or from someone else.

We all laugh together during the game, and the gifts can be serious or fun. Because you can take them from others, each year there is one gift everyone wants, either because it's heavy, weird shaped or rattles.

One year the heavy gift was just a huge bottle of listerine. We all still laugh at how many people wanted that present.

If people ask what I would like, I oblige. Other than that, I am not invested in what I receive (or don't receive). If I had significant unmet needs and people were giving things that I could not use, then I could see being a little more invested in guiding those who were planning to spend money on me anyway. Short of that, though, I just don't really "get" being an adult who is invested in what Mom or Dad buys me. Someone thinking enough of me to want to give me a gift is appreciated, whether or not I have need for the item s/he purchases or makes.

My parents are divorced and I'm one of 4 siblings. Each of my siblings also has a significant other. And my own partner in crime is from a divorced household, and each of his siblings has a significant other. So one year, after many of us got two of the same thing because nobody was communicating, my sister and I intervened and started sending out lists on each others behalf (using google docs for easy editing). Now my parents do it, and we're working on my guy's family as well. So much easier!

Most of my family have Amazon wish lists. The few who don't end up require extensive e-mail chains of what would he like, and who is getting it... There are usually a few small surprise gifts, something neat someone found on vacation or something, but for larger gifts, we get each other things we want.

I'd be embarrassed to hint even though hinting makes sense, so instead I say thank you, appreciate the thought, and later release unwanted gifts. My friends and adult family members and I prefer just to take each other out to dinner. The exception is my husband, where I go beyond hints because he's a major techie and I'm not, plus neither of us liked the clothes the other gave. We exchange just greeting cards for Christmas, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, Valentine's Day, and so forth, saying "Your birthday's coming up, so please buy yourself a present from me and tell me what it was."

I tell family members that just knowing they want to give a gift is gift enough and to *please* not get me anything. I absolutely hate the idea of them spending their hard earned money on something I'll probably dislike, and wishlists are tacky. ...they never listen though and send me crap every year though anyways... *sigh*

Those are some nice socks.

This year my husband's family agreed to try making donations to a charity of the recipients choice. For example, his Mom wanted us to donate to an animal shelter. And I have told his family to donate to a local feline rescue organization. It has honestly made things a lot easier and more meaningful. We've got everything we need and it makes the holiday season a lot less stressful. I'll probably make some nice handmade cards to go with the donations - then at least there is something nice to open. And I'll probably also include a bit of baking just as a treat.

I don't get it. I hear comments here that when you're asked for a wishlist and don't give one and then are irritated when you get crap you don't like. WTF don't you just give them a wishlist?!?! I know my family is horrible at picking out gifts, so they get my wishlist. They want it, they're going to buy me something it might as well be something I want and will use.