Nothing new to contribute, but I've found that requiring a financial contribution works wonders.

THIS BALL OF TENTION JUST BUILT UP UPON SEEING THOSE IMAGES....... AHHH

Those aren't "bad house guest" photos ... those are "hoarder" photos!

My roommate's former boss came to stay for a weekend, and a month later was still there. Luckily our lease was up at the end of the month, forcing an end to the situation. At what point do you start asking for rent?

They are def. not hoarder photos. There is empty storage space under the bed in the second one.

Those aren't hoarder photos, they are slob photos. I should know! (takes one to know one!!!)

the underbed is a bunch of crates (the base)

they are slob photos

6 adults, 4 kids (ages 2-16), 3 bedroom Boston apartment for 2 weeks in August heat w/o air conditioners. My own personal hell.

Please take down those nasty pics.

For a hilarious take on the horrible houseguest theme - watch the Bette Davis film "The Man Who Came to Dinner"

http://www.moviediva.com/MDJr_root/MDjr/ManDinnermdjr.htm

(It's one of the TCM Essentials - and a great Christmas movie!)

My wife and I created a three day rule early in our marriage. It has saved us from having either set of in-laws here too long.

My husbands cousins wanted to come visit from Australia. To set the scene - We were in the middle of planning our wedding, had just graduated from college and were barely into our first jobs. To make the whole thing more stressful we were staying with my In-laws to save money for the wedding. My husband's grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and we were helping with the 45 minute drives to doc appointments every few days.

We called the cousins and said "this probably isn't a good time. Things are crazy and it would be best to wait a few months until things slow down."

They came anyway, and of course expected to stay with us. We tried to be hospitable under the circumstances, but they made all kinds of ridiculous demands such as "Take tomorrow off of work and take us to Sea World." (2 hour drive). They were generally snotty the whole time, and complained continuously about their accommodations. Not to mention one of the cousins is mentally disabled, and required constant supervision.

They complained about my cooking, they left their things all over the house, and I'm pretty sure someone used my toothbrush.

I find that the best way to get someone out of your house is to tell them that someone else is visiting and they need to use the spare bed/ sofa bed.

Unfortunately I thought of this excuse too late.

So I had one of my ex-work colleagues stay at our place while we were on holiday. The only rule was don't use our bed. Upon our arrival home two hand towels were missing, one hand towel had a massive shit stain (an expensive white $50 hand towel), two wine glasses were missing, and he was sleeping in our bed. Worst of all it looked like someone in high heels had been standing on our bed because there were pulls in the mattress protector. Our suspicions of having a prostitute in our apartment were confirmed when I took a look at the pictures on his camera. They definitely weren't of his wife! I don't normally look brought other peoples possessions but I had already been far too violated.

Now I only allow very close friends and family to stay with us.

Don't live in an interesting area and no one will want to visit.

It is actually quite a coincidence that this article came up today. I am attempting to keep my in-laws at bay. They want to stay for a week!

I have enough horrible house guest stories to fill a book, so I now I only allow select people to stay over, and have a tight time limit on their visit. No kids (no exceptions), no pets, and we eat every meal in a restaurant instead of me (or them) cooking. Much, much better.

My mom always used this saying, it's in Spanish and goes something like this...

After 3 days the dead reek.

In other words 3 days is too long a stay.

I guess I'm lucky in that I've had lots of houseguests for various amounts of time and with varying degrees of pleasure, but I've never had the issue of someone staying for an undefined period of time and worrying about how to get them to go. Perhaps this is because I'm at the stage in life where none of my friends has the freedom of time or income to visit without specific constraints like plane tickets back home on a set date, needing to return to work/school and all that sort of thing.

The only person I've ever had stay with me for an undefined period of time was my sister while she was looking for an apartment prior to moving here. I may end up having a friend do the same thing. But I cannot imagine allowing anyone to stay like that unless we are close enough that I can say, "Okay, since I made diner here, do you mind doing the dishes?"

Wow, I love having guests. Noone stays longer than a week usually, maybe once my mom stayed for 2 weeks, but my guests are typically respectful and neat. I do have spare rooms and an extra bathroom so everyone has their own space...I think that is a big factor for happy guests and happy owners. Also I have visitors mybe 4 times a year, so that really isn't too bad.

Slowdown has a point, about not living in an area that people want to visit. The ex had family from New Jersey wanting to come out all the time and do the most excruciating things, and having us drive them there to do it.

"The Price is Right"? check... ( UGH )

Universal Studios? check....

Disneyland? yup....

While at Universal Studios I mentioned I wanted to see something there, and the ex said "we're not here for YOU."

Wthout missing a beat, I mouthed a noiseless "F.U." that nobody else saw, but resisted the urge to drop kick his ass back to River Edge.

Some friends of mine were in town for another friend's wedding and I had offered up floor space to crash on (not glamorous, but several of them didn't have great jobs so it beat paying for a hotel downtown). Well my friend's boyfriend whined CONSTANTLY the entire time--my place was too small, too hot, too loud, it was ugly (*fumes*), the floors were uneven (it's around 100 years old), the city I lived in sucked, etc etc. He even called up other friends of mine and complained to them over the phone while I was right there...gah. And THEN he scared my cat on purpose. He is no longer allowed to set foot inside my apartment ever again.

When I was in college I had a 370 square foot studio. My former roommate was in town for a concert (with 5 additional friends) and I let them camp on the floor for the night. Yes-7 kids in a studio. It wasn't so bad, as I was 20 and just didn't care.

However, one of the kids kept making racist comments, until I jumped in with "Hey, my mom is a (insert racist slag word here) and you're in my apartment". (Which wasn't true...but it shut him up and taught him a life lesson about the value of hospitality.)

I can't imagine a more cramped, socially awkward scene.

I agree with Jane, those are hoarder photos.

We've generally had very good luck with houseguests, but I do remember my brother-in law once accidentally letting our cat out, despite my warning to keep the door shut. The cat was recovered within a week and the brother-in law has long since been forgiven.

I'm sure I was a poor houseguest in my youth. Age and motherhood has helped me to appreciate how much effort goes into being a good host, and now I tread lightly as a houseguest.

Yikes! This post has made me remember an incident I'd forgotten from years ago. My ex-boyfriend's two brothers came to visit us one summer in Boston. My ex and I set out to show them the town, but every time we got somewhere (after a long, hot train ride), one brother would announce that the place we'd taken them to was too expensive and we couldn't go in! After the third time, I left the boys alone and told my ex that they could all continue their tour of Boston mass transit without me.

Also during that visit, the other brother, on learning that my ex and I were having problems, told me that all I needed to do was lose weight, get a tan, and grow my hair long and I'd find myself another guy, no problem.

I was really happy to lose contact with that whole messed-up family. :)

These stories make me grateful for my family and friends.

My theory is house guests are like garbage, after three days they need to be put on the curb.

I must be crazy, but I love having house guests. Admittedly, some are much better than others, but over all I really like when someone comes to visit.

We have a good set up for it - our bedrooms are on the top floor, and the guests have their own bedroom and bath downstairs so it's easy to get away and not be on top of each other. That said, I am always encouraging friends to come visit (I moved 5 hours away from my home town) for as long as they can, because otherwise I don't get any quality time with them. This way, I can cook and enjoy long dinners, have conversations, and get to catch up. This is something I don't get to do at all now that I have kids, so when I travel home it's virtually impossible to have any meaningful time with anyone I care about. Plus, I'm the kind that likes to fuss over people with food and little touches. I must be crazy!

I had a 'friend' who was staying with me for two weeks between leases. Two weeks turned into four, but finally she was leaving during the week I went to visit my parents. I came back to guess who? Plus a mama dog and her many pups. Shocked I asked how soon she could get moved out. The end of the week -- that's why she picked up her dogs, in preparation, ha. End of the week of course came and went. Sensing my displeasure she relocated the dogs and requested a little more time. I locked her out (she didn't have the toplock key) came home and she was sitting in the living room. She told the neighbor that she forgot her keys and crawled from their window into mine. I went out and rented another apartment. I was only 21 at the time and had not yet found my spine.

When I am a houseguest, I clean the kitchen, offer to vacuum, buy groceries, and typically offer to cook at least one big meal for the family. Somehow, I've been blessed with guests who do all that right back to me. (Or folks who decline the offer and stay in a hotel.)

Be a good guest, get good guests. Karma?

Bee - I really don't think karma has anything to do with it. In fact I think sometimes the nicer and more considerate you are the more you can open yourself up to a terrible houseguest (i.e. feeling badly about saying no when some friend of a friend asks to stay with you). I think lurker is right, lifestage does have something to do with it too. When I was 22 and in my first apartment I was much more open about letting friends of friends stay with us while they were trying to find an apartment, find a job, get their life together - sometimes these guests were responsible and considerate, other times not so much.

Now I am much better at not extending these offers to people unless I know them very well and actually want to spend a lot of time with them; but that's also because we have a small one-bedroom, so I don't feel that badly saying that our space just can't accommodate guests for more than a night. Friends of mine that have larger apartments often feel more pressure to offer up their space to visitors for extended periods of time.

My bf's parents were horrible. We were both traumatized by their visit. His mom kept hinting that she wanted certain things and insisting that my perfectly slender pit bull wasn't running around the dog park because she was so fat she couldn't move well (it was over 90 degrees). She confessed that she almost aborted my boyfriend, and then cried about it. His dad hit on waitresses and joked that we would need a new mattress because he sweated so much during the night. They only wanted to watch romantic comedies, hogged the bathroom, and ate all our food. Then they said we were going to hell for living together before marriage. Charming!

WOW. I thought having my mother's cousin get toxic-drunk, walk right through our screen door and vomit all over the dining room table was bad. I mean, she used to leave a thick coating of baby powder all over the entire bathroom when she finished her shower... but these stories really suck!

When I was younger, my family and I were out camping for a week and when we got back home, we found out that my uncle and his family had let themselves into our house, ate all our food, slept in our beds, etc. etc. for the majority of our being gone WITHOUT EVEN TELLING US. They had decided to make a "surprise" trip from Pennsylvania or Ohio (can't remember which, they moved a lot) all the way out to Iowa without so much as a call and invaded our house.

So it was really awkward trying to find space for their family of five in our house/kicking my cousins out of my bed, which they had come to think of as "theirs". Also, I can't help but hold a grudge towards my uncle and his eldest son for taking the liberty to download several viruses, games, and other shit onto my computer. From that week on it had nothing but problems, and I was forced to eventually get a new one. Asshats.

Since then they have done several surprise trips (don't people ever learn?!), the most recent of which made my parents ditch a visit with me. I only see them a few times a year now that I live away from home for college, but they were forced to drive back home asap so that they could visit my uncle. Learn to use a phone!

Move to North Dakota--your guests won't be able to get out fast enough--especially in the winter!

Sometimes you just have to be mean to mean people. Once a guy left his little girl with us for a visit with my child, we agreed she could stay the week. He came to "visit" her and brought gifts just for her, and expected her to stay another week as he had a party to go to. So I told her to take her daddy to see the skydivers nearby. While they were gone, I put all her belongings on the front porch nice and neat and didn't answer the door when they came back.

There's always the direct and honest approach of asking them to leave.

Wow - my family or I has never had awful problems like this. No horror stories here...It's hard getting any of our family to come visit in the first place. i wish they would come!

Try living in Orlando--not only do people want to visit, but they want you to accompany them/take them to every wretched theme park in the vicinity. They never believe that locals.don't.go.there.

Or it's "Hey, the beach is only fifty miles away! You must go there all the time! Let's go!"

I'm usually very tolerant to guests, and try very hard to be a good guest when it's my turn, but sometimes enough is enough. I can't do EPCOT one more time.

My brother lives in Orlando and he has one rule about houseguests: He'll take them to Disney, but he won't go near "It's a Small, Small, World" until the end of the day because can't get the stupid tune out of his head!

When my husband was in college we had a "guest" who came needing sanctuary after being mugged and severely beaten. He stayed for 6 months, gave up his apartment, quit his job (to find himself) sleeping in our living room late into the day (he was, at first, understandably depressed).
We had two young children and a full and hectic life. He never contributed a dime but had lots of free advice to give and had many special food requests. I ended up finding him an apartment, paying the deposit and one month rent in advance and moved him out of my place and into his. We were a struggling young family with limited resources but this was actually the cheapest way out.
Never again, 40 years later, I have a well-developed reputation for establishing a firm expected time of departure before consenting to any visit. The night before the ETD I plan a lovely good bye dinner and help my guests prepare for their imminent departure.
I have a saying that I use and say playfully and with love, but as everyone knows, I mean it, including my beloved grandchildren - "you don't have to go home but you hafta get up outta here" It works.

These posts made me remember something I haven't thought of for years. In my early 20's, my boyfriend rented a one-bedroom apartment in Beverly Hills from a notoriously cheap landlady. (Mrs. Ross, you out there?) Anyway, we went away for the weekend, and when we got home, an Australian couple was camped out in his living room! His cheap landlady actually moved them in, thinking she could get a little extra rent for the month! Turns out they were nice people, but we had to tell them to leave. In retrospect, they were far more considerate than many "invited" guests I've had over the years!

I recently hosted my high school friend in my home. I'm very particular about my space, that I've never had anyone stay with me for an extended period of time. As I found out, for good reason...

I'm female, he's male. I know we've been friends for like 15 years, but I felt incredibly uncomfortable that HE wa comfortable enough to walk around in his boxers. I know they're shorts, but it was his underwear. He'd never catch me in my undergarments.

To add insult, he placed his water glass on my mahogany finish wood table...without a coaster! Then what took the cake was him leaving his WET towels everywhere except folded on the bars/hooks in the bathroom! Wet drying towel over the door in the guest room, soaking wet face towel (not wrung out) over the shower curtain bar. The dry unused hand towel was placed on the hook on the back of the door. He didn't bother to use the towel bar or hook to neatly fold or hang is wet towels. Nice!

THENNNN, he left his clippers, contact lens solution and other stuff on the pedestal sink and back of the toilet. He also failed to clean up the hair in the sink.

I was like, "this dude thinks he's moved in!" WTH! Needless to say, I kicked him out after 24 hrs.

I'm calling this post "Cougars, the other side of the Story." And the reason I'm commenting like this is because this cougar applies to the Unwanted House Guest horror stories currently going around the net.

In May of 2009 my son of 20 years of age brings a co-worker home with him. She is 39 at the time. I find out later she was just released from jail from Work Release for failure to pay child support and need a place to stay for a couple of days.

Three days later the hell began to over take my home and my life and my health. It all started with her panicking about needing mail to come to our address. I allowed it. I was naive back then. I'm no longer naive.

Fast forward to August of that year. My son informs me that she is pregnant. Knowing that I am very pro-life show she knew we would pressure her to keep the baby. She was right of course.

Over the course of next nine months she controlled every aspect of our life. My wife and feel like we are prisoners in our own home. She has managed to corral our Little Jack Russell Terrier to one room where as before she has had the run of the whole house.

She refuses to pay rent. She provided our Grandchild and that should be enough. Yes she actually said that. She will also control the movement of my son. She refuses to allow him to go to his grandmother, (my mother in law) Why? Well because my mother in law has this woman's number. And this woman works overtime to make sure that my son doesn't spend anytime with her.

Well the nightmare is coming to an end. On the Second of January of 2011 my wife and I will be giving her a 30 days notice to move out followed by a eviction notice from the local sheriff department.

Some final tips.
1. only allow a guest to stay in your house less then 48 hours

2. Never never never and I cannot stress this enough!!! Never allow them to use your address to receive mail. Once they succeed then they have established your home as their place of residency.

3. When the 48 hours is up throw them out. Don't take any other excuse just throw them out!!!

4. Never allow them to use children or Grandchildren as a means to guilt you into letting them stay.

5. Set rules such as when and if they can use laundry facilities and cable and internet. Remember Don't feel guilty about setting limits or cutting off services!! They do not pay for it so they only use it if you say so. It is your money and believe me they are not ashamed to use it if they feel they can. And if you like me allow them to stay they begin to feel entitled to it. SET LIMITS!

Don't make the same mistakes I did. I have a kind heart!! A really kind heart. But this experience has hardened it. Never again!

Up date! The News was delivered on schedule as planned. She went nuts. She threatened to take the Grandchild and leave the state. Thankfully we had anticipated that and stopped her legally. She has 90 days to move out. She started to text everyone she knew to tell them that we (the Grandparents) threw her and our Grandchild out of the house. She finallly stopped doing that when someone pointed out to her that it really made her look stupid when they found out it was 90 day notice. They also imformed her that the state only gives 30 days notice show she really had no reason to complain.

Tip one: Give her notice verbally.

Tip Two: follow through with the verbal notice with official eviction papers from the Civil Deputy. (Which is what we will be doing 30 days prior to the 90 days notice ending.)

Tip Three: If Grandchildren are involved in it and she threatens to take the children and leave the state with no mailing address go the court house and file emergency custody to prevent her from leaving the state before custody can be decided by the courts.

These are important tips. You must be firm and must be prepared for a fight.

You also must be prepared to move other people out of the house during the notice period or be prepared to file for EPO (Emergency Protective Order) against the unwanted house guest if she starts to destroy property or threatens bodily harm. Be firm and cold and stand by your originial dates. Show her who is in control of your house. Taking control back from her is hard but it must be done!

Do not buy any excuses and do not under any circumstances allow her to "Guilt" you into more time! After each 30 day period is up remind her how much time she has left!! Don't allow her to let any grass grow under her feet!!

More updates to follow!

Update!!

They got an apartment!!! And yes the games continue. Now she is running around the house in a panic because she has to pack now. And there just isn't enough time. And to make matters worse for her my wife and I informed her that we will be moving too so the entire house must be emptied of her belongings! And my son is wising up to her. Refuses to let her see what he has in his Checking account. That really pissed her off! She yelled at me and accused me of pressuring my son to do things my way. It is kinda funny because I haven't talked to my son about his Checking Account in months.

I had horrible house guest experiences so I am extra tender about the whole thing. Long story short, I had a 23 year old friend/acquaintance stay at my house for two weeks without a car. Mind you it was suppose to be one week tops. She was moving to San Francisco from the East Coast. I was living outside of San Francisco in the suburbs at the time, which pretty much required a vehicle.

After she arrived she found out that she was pregnant and invited her boyfriend to come and stay with me without my permission. Surprise... I had to fetch him from the airport after work with almost no notice! They spent the entire time locked in my guest room talking, only emerging to eat my food, take my records or to ask for a ride to planed parenthood. She was vegan on top of it and had very specific food demands. I had to drive them to and from the train station almost daily, all while she had found a place to live in San Francisco. Mind you, my place was "more comfortable" so she did not want to leave. She just thought that imposing on me during her "pregnancy crisis" was just fine.

My boyfriend kicked them out and drove them straight to her new apartment in San Francisco. We were both so horrified. She also forgot to take her CD's, I mailed them to her with out the promised compensation in return. She never wrote us a thank you, nor did we receive any sense of gratitude.

She ultimately decided to keep her baby. I just hope becoming a mother has made her more..."responsible". Since then I have never allowed anyone to stay with me for more than three days tops! This experience totally scarred me.