Some of these things are hard to train, especially for certain breeds. It's natural for a dog to become nervous and/or excited when a bunch of unfamiliar people come into the house. I'm not saying these behaviors aren't annoying to guests, but it's a bit unrealistic to advise people to have their dogs trained before the holidays when Thanksgiving is only 2 weeks away.

Put the dog in another room or crate when people come over. Easy.

I think it's perfectly reasonable, however, to keep untrained dogs or cats (no one wants an agile cat sneaking on top of the table nibbling the food) in the backyard, spare room, in the kennel for the first bit that guests are arriving and until they are used to all the new people, smells, noises.

When I host dinner parties, I will have the cats outside to keep them from stealing snacks or grossing out my guests with their general lack of appreciation to boundaries. When I was in an apartment with no backyard, one cat would hide from guests, so he simply got to hide under the bed, my other cat was put in his kennel until food was cleared and I'd established that my guests would be alright with him being out.

I have a well behaved little old pug. Probably the least obtrusive or threatening dog you can have. My dog is also well trained. Still, when I have a lot of company or my parents over the dog is put up in the back of the house. Not everyone loves dogs and no one else likes your dog to the degree you do. Dogs also get very excited by having a lot of company. Accept this and respect your guest (and your dog).

This also benefits your dog -- guests can sometimes reenforce bad behaviors like jumping, feeding your dog inappropriate people food, or other things.

Or just put them out of the way while guests arrive, at the least. If you can't keep your dog out of peoples faces, don't have people over. I live with my roommates dog, which while it is pretty tiny, is quite untrained and undisciplined. It's very frustrating for me to try to have people over and not have the dog make itself the unwelcome and annoying center of attention. (Not to mention stinking.) Not everyone loves dogs.

I have been following AT for months now, and never signed up because there was no need. I specifically signed up now to comment on this: while it is understandable that you don't want to eat your dinner while a dog is begging or a cat is running over the table, most people have trained their animals not to do so, and I don't think its a realistic thing to happen. But you know what else? My pets LIVE in my house, and guests (in other words, you) do not. I will not be locking my family away just because someone is sensitive to barking or can't be bothered to say hello to a dog, or whatever. What you are suggesting is not pet owner etiquette, it is insulting. I have people coming over who are afraid of dogs, and being sure of my dog, I just tell them to get over it or not to come. People are, after all, visiting ME, and MY house, and it is ME who has pets. If they don't like that, tough luck, I will certainly not be catering to whims of people coming over by making my pets feel unwelcome, nervous and punished, just as much as I won't be choosing my furniture so that it fits with the guests clothes.

I'm with icedd. I'll keep my dogs from harassing you to a reasonable extent, but if you don't like dogs, you're probably not going to be invited over to my house in the first place. If I've got to put up with your toddler's 4 straight hours of "Watch me! Watch me!" then you can put up with my kids' affectionate snuffling. When you're a guest, you go with the flow of the place you're visiting, or you don't go. When it comes to hospitality, both hosts and guests have responsibilities to make sure everyone's happy and comfy.

I'd like to see a similar post about people getting their children to behave. Dogs are often more trained than kids.

Uh oh. We have an offender. A 6 month old boston terrier puppy doesn't care about your rules.

Completely agree with the article.
Untrained dogs are obnoxious. To Icedd, don't invite people over if you don't care that a dog bites or annoys a guest. Dogs get put to sleep over biting people all the time.

If you're having guests over, i'm assuming its because you invited them over, not because they invited themselves to your house.

Unless you're telling them ahead of time that your dog will slobber all over their clothes, bite them and bark incessantly, maybe don't invite people over? Thats not a surprise anyone needs to deal with.

OMG.. Must. Have. Chair...

Anyone have an idea what kind of chair that is? My nursery in progress would love to have one!!

Dearest Amanda,
I regret to inform you that our holiday plans have changed. We will no longer be able to host you for any events this season. Perhaps your time would be better spent on inventing your magic two week dog training program. Or hanging out with your non-pet-loving friends. Or hosting your own no-shoes on my white carpet OCD events....which we regret we cannot attend.
p.s. I never noticed what a lovely toilet your lawn makes! Our fur babies send their compliments!

Also, its impossible to "train" a dog for a situation if you lock them away and never let them experience the situation. This post sounds more like someone complaining. Nothing useful here.

Wow, I can't believe how much negativity this article is getting from pet owners. I've owned pets, and I understand that they are a part of your family, but there's something to be said for being a conscientious host. If you can't be such, just make it clear to your guests before hand so they won't be uncomfortable.

uptownarchp - "Anyone have an idea what kind of chair that is? My nursery in progress would love to have one!zz'

Called the Mulhauser Mr. Chair for Plycraft

I agree with icedd and others. While I have a very well trained dog, it is often the guests that cause her to behave out of her norm. They raise their arms up in a fashion she is not used to and so she jumps, or they pet her and reward her for bad behavior. Completely untrained pets are one thing, but good pets who are just a bit excited about guests and just want a little pat on the head or a belly rub from guests who have come into their home are not the problem, rude guests who refuse to acknowledge the pet resident are the problem. If you don't like my dog, then don't come to my house.

Untrained children are obnoxious.

I sure with my friends with children would put them in the backyard, a crate, or at the least a back bedroom when I come visit. It's so annoying to have to deal with their constant questions, the crying, and the screaming, fighting with siblings, constant need for attention. They're always under foot too and table manners (especially the really little ones who have poor motor control) are often atrocious.

Please don't invite me over if you don't care that your child annoys me. After all I know more people who've been bitten by a child (for no apparent reason) than by a dog (who generally had a reason).

Dear GNP, the exact point is that my dog neither bites nor annoys people (and there is no slobbering or maddening half hour barking or rubbing or jumping), but there are fellas who think that the sentence 'I am afraid of dogs' means that I will lock my dog away as if he was guilty of all the named offences, while he is actually completely innocent. If you don't trust that the person you are visiting is intent that you do not get bitten, then please, by all means, don't visit. I do invite people to come, but I do not invite them to write me down rules they expect me to follow in my own home. and btw, they all come again, the 'I am afraid of dogs' people. Because unlike you, they realize that being afraid is deviating from the normal, not having a dog.

Very few people seem to see that it is bad for the animal to behave like this - it is demeaning and silly. They are not people & should not behave as though they are - should have better standards.
When people come to our house & gush all over the cat & try to make him involved in what is going on, he treats them with appropriate disdain.

Upon reading this post I knew I would have to click on the comments as I imagined there would be some colorful comments on either side of this debate. First, the person (icedd) who indicated that it was her dog's house never said that her dog bit people just that a dog may bark or say hello. I don't think most animal owners would knowingly put a dog or their guests in a situation where someone could be injured. I would have to agree with radioriot that it is impossible to train a dog without the dog having the experience. As everyone who has a dog knows a dog can be one way with its people at home and completely different with guests. Some dogs are going to get excited and others will get stressed. As an owner of a rescued dog who is very anxious around new people I know too well the situation of having guests over and a dog who realistically can't handle more than one new person at a time. As a result he is either in a place in the house where he feels safe, such a the bedroom where he normally sleeps with water and food and whatever else he needs. Or if I am going to have more people over and I think it will be stressful then he may spend a day or night being boarded somewhere that he is comfortable. On the other hand some dogs are perfectly capable of interacting at a party and being lovely guests. All that being said I think that there are some pet owners who have not put in the time to train their dogs or have any concept that their dog may not be able to handle such a situation. If that is the case then you have every right to not put yourself in that situation or to recommend a good trainer that you have worked with to address your own pet's areas of concern.

Amanda I'm with you. As a pet owner I've worked hard and continue to work with my dog to make sure that anyone I invite over is comfortable with her. At 55 lbs (& still growing)and at full speed the puppy can easily knock someone over, and I'd be quite upset if it happened to me. A well trained and respectable pet serves as an example! For those who may have a negative opinion, they will see what all pets are capable of being: awesome!

I tell people I have pets. If you don't like dogs or cats then my house is not the place for you.

@ icedd, I think your short-sited and rather narcisictic response lacks the following very reasonable perspective about pets and guests.

First and foremost, I would wager that you agree that it is unpardonably rude to invite someone into your home and insist that said guest be forced to drink alcohol if they don't partake, or eat nuts if anaphylactic shock should ensue. It follows that someone who is uncomfortable around cats or dogs or birds or snakes or rats, whether the reason be allergy, childhood trauma, or merely disposition, should receive the same sensitivity from the host.

After all, a guest visiting you is there for their enjoyment, too. Everything is not in fact about YOU and YOUR house and YOUR pets. Unless you're two, and still working out your Id phase.

We have two cats and two large dogs. When guests come over, we ask if they are comfortable with dogs before releasing 200 lbs of fur and teeth to sniff crotches and threaten wine glasses with wagging tails. We put the cats in our bedroom for their own comfort, as well as for those guests we know have allergies.

"Because unlike you, they realize that being afraid is deviating from the normal, not having a dog."

I have a dog, two in fact. And when the guests come over, the dogs go outside till they calm down. If they don't calm down they stay in the back yard for a couple of hours. Big whoop.

They're not out in the arctic, they're in the backyard. And yes my dogs have had obedience training.

People love to make excuses for why its ok for their dog to behave like an annoying drunk, one of which is to say "well if its ok for parents to have kids that are out of control, then its ok for me to have dogs that are out of control."

Its a dog, you're the owner, you run your dogs life, not the other way around. You don't need to beat your dog, but as it is with children, dogs need rules too.

I for one don't think its ok for people to have children out of control either. That's why I think if you can't control your child within the bounds of what I deem reasonable when I visit you, well you should put them out in the yard or in a back bedroom. Children asking questions and crying when frightened or getting excitable at a party are all normal reactions for a child, same as a dog doing some barking, whining when frightened or getting excitable at a party are all normal reactions for the dog. But you're the parent, you run your child's life, not the other way around. So make them behave according to what I deem acceptable rules when I visit your house or please put them in the back bedroom for the duration of my stay where they won't have the opportunity to annoy me with their perfectly normal behavior.

dear urbancricket, whilst your comment makes the most logical sense of all those supporting amandas contribution, it is somewhat lacking. While I am able to drink alcohol and eat nuts in my house while my guest abstain from that, I am unable to care properly for my animals if I put the demands ( those that are unreasonable and biased) of my guest above those of the animals I am responsible for. No, not everything is about me, my house, my pets and I am not being childish - the opposite, it is very adult not to treat your animals as toys, hiding them away in case someone minds. I know what my dog will do when someone comes over, and I can guarantee that the guest will not be bothered above a tolerable level. If the person coming over doesn't trust me on that..I firmly believe that people should trust people into whose homes they go. How do they know that my walls won't fall down on them? But then again, I'm from and in Europe, and we tend to have friends for chats with substance over to our houses here, not a gazillion acquaintances for a dinner party just to show off our new rugs or halloween themed dishes. Trust is implied, this is what my point is.

I can't believe some of you people are equating dogs and children. The reasons for undesirable behavior from either species, jeuveniule or adult, should be understood and then the behavior should managed appropriately.

Caes in point: when my dog humped a guest's leg, the dog was removed from the room. When my neighbor propositioned my husband, the guest was removed from the house.

Aside from the issues raised above (taking sides between bad-dog sympathizers and haters), I am surprised to be the first to comment on just how annoying this post is in and of itself. It offers nothing to the reader besides a very transparent complaint from the writer. No viable solutions. No specific tips. Not even a funny tale of personal experience! It almost seems as though Ms. Johnson is writing to a specific reader as a veiled attempt to criticize a friend (who obviously has a misbehaving dog). I didn't know you could become a contributor to Apartment Therapy without having anything to say about apartments...

urbancricket and ishilou, I have to agree with you both. We've worked really hard to train our great dane puppy when it comes to guests.

With the holidays right around the corner, the post is ill-timed, sure, but maybe pet owners can consider it a reminder for next year.

wow, some people have really forgotten what it means to be a host. it should mean putting the comfort of your guests first.

some people have allergies, some people have phobias, (which are, by definition illogical and not something that one can usually get over in an evening), some people don't like pets around food, and some people just might not be used to animals and do not know how to respond to certain behaviors (begging, jumping, chewing, etc.)-- how limiting it would be to exclude all such people from your guest list, all because they have different opinions than you. if you have a wonderful, clean, well-trained animal that your guests are comfortable with at parties then yes, it will likely be welcomed. but it is your responsibility as a host and a pet owner to make sure that's the case and take the most appropriate action for all involved and at times that might mean excluding the pet from the party.

As I'm the only one equating dogs and children, I must agree with you urbancricket. I too think its very important for the reasons for undesirable behavior from either species to be understood and managed appropriately. If a dog or child is biting or exhibiting particularly egregious behavior (such as biting) it should be appropriately disciplined and removed from the mix. Likewise if the child or dog is behaving in a normal reaction for their species and/or age in a highly excitable situation I too agree with many of these posters that the desires and 100% comfort of my guests are of the utmost importance over the natural behavior of the dog or child and the dog OR child should be put out in the yard, crated, or put in a back bedroom until the guests have left. Common courtesy if I invite folks to my house who presumably know that I have said pet/child.

The high-horses are feeling tired, perhaps we should all dismount.

Being gracious and accommodating are two-way streets.

As a dog-owner (and someone who's adopted several rescues who needed a lot of work and socialization help), it's my responsibility to teach my dogs to behave properly towards my guests, and to intervene if they're being obnoxious to someone. I owe this to my guests, but I owe it to the dogs as well.

But as guests we need to understand dogs and children can be works in progress and that learning appropriate behavior doesn't happen over night. If you really can't handle the way someone's dog/child/parents behave, it may be best to decline the invitation.

I've said "maybe another time" on more than one occasion rather than be miserable because of someone else's family drama.

Dear icedd,

Trusting an owner and the owner's ability to control and manage their pet is a reasonable thing to ask of a guest. But your original post did not make that argument. Your summary reads, "I will certainly not be catering to whims of people coming over by making my pets feel unwelcome, nervous and punished, just as much as I won't be choosing my furniture so that it fits with the guests clothes."

There is a significant difference beween the whim of an individual, suggesting unreasonable requests, and a reasonable concern. My friend's eyes swell shut around cats, but he if takes an allergy pill and doesn't have a cat in his lap, he can enjoy his visit. Moreover, our large dogs can be intimiating to guests (they even intimidate me when I have bare feet), and I'd much prefer that my guests come in, get settled, and meet my friendly and gentle dogs without drama that causes undue discomfort to guest or dog. This is about realistic sensitivity to everyone involved.

I would hope anyone with an unruly pet, child, sibling, parent, friend, or plant would make an effort to consider everyone's comfort -- after all, is that not the point of being a host?

@ kelflo2303

well said.

As someone mentioned there was no information in this post on what to do to prepare for the holidays. The following is the American Kennel Clubs tips for holidays with dogs: www.akc.org/public_education/holiday_safety.cfm

We're talking about the holidays - at which some people enjoy their family's company the only time all year. You can't put your dog in a comfortable room with some toys (doesn't have to be a crate) for 2 HOURS for the comfort of your FAMILY? Don't tell me that when your 100 lb German Shepherd pounces on your 2-year-old niece, it's "his house so don't come if you don't like it." This post was about some thoughtful things to consider if you're a pet owner and have invited guests over. It wasn't written to lecture you into training your dog. There were simply 3 points mentioned that might be overly annoying to guests. Amanda didn't say "don't let your dog bark at all" or "don't let your dog lick at all" she simply mentioned some tips that might make a dinner party more enjoyable.

Lordy, Sally1645. My dog licks his dog bed obsessively when we watch movies, and it drives me bananas. If only there were a way to not let him lick at all, and I'd be a saner person.

while i totally agree that barking/jumping dogs are frustrating, it's also apparent that this doesn't bother some pet owners and might feel rude to point out to them. basically, i'm a firm believer that all dogs can be taught to be calm if their owners 1) persist, and 2) are calm themselves. if you have a pet with issues, perhaps check out nationalgeographic.com for the Dog Whisperer episodes. Cesar offers a lot of great tips, and most of all, insists on persistence and calm energy. we can all get along this holiday season ... i promise!

to put an end to my commenting here, I have stated in every post clearly that there is reasonable things guests will be offered (those with allergies etc.) and that a dog/cat SHOULD and btw MUST behave. i don't think that I run the pets life, I don't think they run mine, I think we co-habitate, with me as the boss. Being the boss means responsibility, and I was trying to stress that the responsibility of a pet owner is more with the animal than with the arriving guest, who has the choice to be in that house or not, unlike the animal whose only home that is. but a happy, trained dog will come up to arrivals, jump around somewhat, and bark. he is there, he is letting people know that, and I will not be denying his existence for someones comfort. People with allergies and phobias btw don't have different opinions, they have something they as mentioned can't dispose of for an evening. I would say this description fits good for a pet too, so there is apparently need for a compromise, which should be meeting each other halfway, not me locking away my pet. Why do people equate children to pets? I think sometimes people do that because there is no other way to let someone know that a) pets are family members, b) pet owners are sick of being treated as psychos and society menaces while parents and their children who behave (expectedly and naturally) often very badly, ruin things, events, torture animals, bore people etc. seem to think they have some kind of inherent right to do so, compared with pets. Now I guess you all think that I am overreacting, but I am not reacting on the topic of being a good/bad host, but on this prevalent thinking that pets are toys, things, being owned and managed. Declawing, crating, locking it away...why not just take up the old british tradition and send it to a boarding school till its time to get married?

wow, some people have really forgotten what it means to be a host. it should mean putting the comfort of your guests first.

Exactly. I think we've lost the art of hospitality nowadays. I have a dog, a little, very well-behaved Yorkie who loves people and is loved by many people. However, it she was being a pest or jumping all over people, I would (and do, the rare times I need to) put her in her crate until she behaves herself or the guest have left. Fortunately, she's not a yappy or hyper dog, she's very submissive and quiet, in fact, but some guests aren't huge dog fans. As long as my guests at least show some respect to my dog, I'm more than happy to accommodate them. But I am the host and it is MY job to ensure that my dog is behaving and that my guests are comfortable and having a good time (to the best of my abilities).

As a guest, I appreciate it when hosts either control their dogs or put them away when I come over for dinner. Even more so their children. Unfortunately, a lot of parents think it's "cute" when their kids scream, shriek, throw tantrums, food, etc.

I somehow doubt, though, we'll be seeing a "how to be a hospital host AND good parent" post any time soon.

p.s. please excuse my many grammar/spelling inconsistencies above--I blame jetlag :)

oh, and I'd like to add to the original list
4.) Crotch sniffing. there's just no graceful way to deal with this. it's embarrassing for the one sniffed, for the host, and all who witness. yes, we know it's pretty common, but that doesn't make it pleasant. if your dog is prone to this, please, please don't have it out during welcomes.

and if anyone knows a polite way to say "oh hi, nice to meet you and by the way, get your dog out of my crotch" I'd love to hear it.

@ the author: Thanks for the timely reminder. Even the most experienced & thoughful host is capable of overlooking the obvious now and again.

@ the rest of you: I'm embarassed FOR you. Both my children and my pets exhibit better behavior on a bad day.

All this bickering makes it feel like the holidays, thanks gang :)

@kelflo2303 You sound like a voice of reason in a sea of barking.

I almost gave up half way through but I'm glad I read it all...

@urbancricket "when my dog humped a guest's leg, the dog was removed from the room. When my neighbor propositioned my husband, the guest was removed from the house." -- Thank you, I needed that. You made this worth reading.

This is the worst argument ever, in my opinion.

p.s. I love the chair.
@uptownarch & @b77 - us three in the corner at the party nervously eating from the buffet as the fight continues...

The one thing I can say about this post...its caused some heated comments.

I think this is a good post, because I don't think that owners think about the consequences involved in having animals and having people over. I have 2 dogs and 2 cats...I would hate for my fur babies to get injured by a guest or vice versa. Things can happen at any time and I don't want to end up in an emergency room or a vet's office for something I could have prevented by being a more responsible owner. My cats stay in the bedroom, the dogs are put in the backyard.

Oh yes...and you can train a dog in a few hours to respect a boundary, any dog. You just have to be willing to work at it.

@urbancricket

Unruly plant??? Cactus problems?

I'm with AeonElpis. I don't want to listen to your child scream and carry on any more than I want a dog to sniff my crotch and drool on me.

I love dogs insanely.

I have three dogs, two large and one tiny. When I have a party, they are ALL corralled in a seperate space away from the festivities. My guests who like dogs are welcome to go say Hi, but I don't want roughhousing, happy, excited dogs to accidently knock something over, and I don't need or want happy, lethargic dogs lying all over the floor so that guests have to step around them. And the dogs don't need all the tidbits that everyone is going to feed them -- one tidbit from one guest x 20+ = dogs with tummy aches.

As for my non dog-enthused friends? They don't have to seem like divas for not wanting fur all over their clothes or getting squigged out by a lightening-fast dog lick to their hand. I cherish my friends, whether they share my love of dogs or not.

My dog lives here, you do not. While my dog is well behaved in that she doesn't jump on people or bark at them she does beg for food sometimes. I don't lock her away when guests are over because it's a mean thing to do to her when she loves spending time around people so much. If you don't like dogs then my house is not the place for you.

Wow. I guess I cant' be sure if, at some point, my son has annoyed someone who has visited my house even though he is a very considerate child. But, I can guarantee he has never run up and stuck his nose in their crotch. :)

We have multiple cats. If we are having a large group, the cats go to the large bedroom upstairs, for their comfort and for our guests. If it is a couple of people, we make sure there are no allergy problems and the cats are out and about (although still usually in the upstairs bedroom by their choice). After having a [sudden accompanying] guest go into a complete attack over the cats (and having to go out to dinner since they couldn't be in our place), we are very up front about the cats and make plans accordingly.

That said, I am not a dog person. They scare me and I am not comfortable around most dogs that do what dogs do. If we know about the house dogs, we will often suggest meeting out or other things, because I really don't deal well with most dogs. But often we don't know about the dogs in advance and it ends up making for a long evening.

I realize that, as with our cats, we all tend to assume people are like us and will deal with our animals he way we do. That may or may not be the case.

These will be my first holidays with my dogs. After reading this, I may keep celebrations at home very simple.

This post rubbed me the wrong way too. However, having read the comments I think I don't find it as upsetting as some others.

I believe there are three kinds of people when it comes to pets: Pet lovers who see their pets as family members, pet lovers for whom, a dog is a dog, not a person, and people who generally don't like or think pets belong in the yard.

I am the first kind, but I am also a mom to a human child. I think that the best kind of parenting (be it canine, or human) is the kind where you are aware of flaws, issues, and behavior problems and you work on resolving those.

When it comes to guests, I aim to present the most comfortable, hospitable environment I can. However, I always ask people about a. Allergies (cats) and warn them I have cats, and b. fear of dogs and let them know i have a large puppy who is still in training.

Teaching your dog not to jump on guests, not beg for food, and not to bark at guests is part of the responsibility of any pet owner (same goes for kids, and appropriate social behavior). However, suggesting that these things can be taught over a short amount of time is ridiculous. This is a process...

The best approach when it comes to guests is one of compromise. Know your dog and prevent unwanted behavior, and know your guests to prevent unwanted response from them too.

I DO NOT invite my MIL to my home. She thinks pets belong outdoors and does not tolerate any sign of them. However, should she come to my home, I owe it to her, and to my dog to prevent unwanted interactions between them, so I crate my dog and restrict my MIL to the living room.
Other guests, who LIKE dogs I ask to assist me. I let the dog interact with them, but do let them know "He is a puppy, he might jump on you" Then I give them the tools (stick your knee out, don't get him excited, etc.) to deal with the possibility... And then I WATCh my dog. If he tries to Jump on them, then he is corrected for that behaviour. If he is not capable to interact calmly with them, he is removed and placed in his crate. Same thing would go for my child. If he does not pay attention to the social rules he has been taught he too, gets a time out.

Dog training, as well as teaching your child manners is a process. If you have no tolerance for that, please be kind enough to refuse an invitation where you think you may encounter such issues, OR compromise and enjoy all of my hospitality, including the possibility of meeting my child, dog and cats and having interactions with them. Trust me, I will make your stay as pleasant as I can, but I will also take care of my family members, be it human, canine or feline.

And for the love of god, if someone invites you to their house for the holidays YOUR F-ING DOG IS NOT INVITED! (unless they specifically invite the dog as well.) and no, you are not allowed to ask if you can bring it. boarding kennels and neighborhood kids exist for a reason.

My dogs are offenders of everything listed. I have a Lhasa Apso that goes crazy when someone is drinking a Newcastle beer (her favorite!) and will try to drink it when nobody is looking. But, I also don't have friends that come over who would seriously care. We're all a laid back bunch!

Yall need to calm down.

If your pets are badly behaved, go ahead and let them act how they want when you SHOULD be creating a comfortable environment for your guests. Make an ass out of yourself. Who cares, if that's what you want to do. No one will come back. Oh well. It's your house, after all.

If your pets are well behaved, congratulations, you've done a good job. Let them be when guests come over. If they start to annoy guests, deal with the situation. If they are good, let them sniff, explore, and enjoy your guests and vice versa.

I, for one, have a bad dog. When guests come over, he goes into the bedroom and enjoys a quiet evening to himself. Does this offend me? No. Does it offend him? Probably a little, but he's a dog. The important thing is that your guests, who you decided to invite in the first place, feel welcomed in your home.

A lot of you guys are too negative and act like EVERYONE has to agree with EVERY post on this site. Guess what, we're all different. For the very same reason that some people choose to have pets and some people don't, some of you will agree with this post while others will be offended at the suggestion that you ask your dog to behave. Its pretty silly that you all get so upset about this, when you should just accept that 1) either this post isn't directed at you because your dog is good or 2) you have a bad dog and need to keep them away when YOU choose to host guests. Period. Done. Quit complaining, you're making this site a real drag to read.

I was certainly surprised to read many of the negative comments - thought it was funny that someone "signed up" just to post a negative remark because someone dared to make a polite suggestion.

I don't think the intent of this article was to offer some magic 2 week train-your-dog course. It was merely to offer an opinion on how your dog may (or may not) affect the mood. I think the author understands that a pet's behavior cannot change in that time frame. Heck, this premise can even swing the other way: dogs can be the life of the party! But again, not the point of the article.

Is it hard to train your dog? As some pointed out, many dogs are better trained than children. So, no, it's not that difficult. Just be consistent.

I find this whole MY house, MY rules, deal with it mentality to be rather arrogant and selfish. That's just me. I try to make a conscious effort to make guests feel at home in my house. My dog is just part of that experience.

I guess I was more taken aback by the comments than the article. I try (emphasis on try) to take advice and look at things from others' perspective. I think this attitude helps me better understand and appreciate those with different values and comfort levels... and in this case, to enjoy the holidays a little more :)

I've worked as a shelter worker, vet nurse and have trained dogs before. I find it amusing how outraged people are at the suggestion that **Gasp** they should train their dogs.

Especially these days, many dog owners don't have the first clue about dog behavior. It's not rocket science, yet laziness is at an all-time high and if the guests are reluctant to have their nice holiday clothes ruined by a poorly behaved dog, somehow that makes the guests unreasonable.

Sure, the dog lives in the home. I have friends and family who have made excuse after excuse for their dogs, and guess what - their houses look like pigstyes (one of my relatives called it a warzone). Dog urine to clean up every, furniture chewed up and in disrepair. Then the dog owners claim they are doing the dog a favor by not "stifling" the dog. Well, I have news for you. Those dogs are not happy. They are out of control because their pack has no leader.

My coworker rescued 4 wolf-dog breeds whose breeder / owners created and then abandoned because they were extremely aggressive and destructive. They were to be euthanized until my coworker adopted them.

These dogs were the most lovely pets ever. They did not even raise their heads as I entered the house. This was a holiday I spent with friends and the dogs were like big teddy bears.

If she can train those dogs, anyone can. Take responsibility for your pets and take classes. In the meantime, all us "dog haters" can show our displeasure by being honest and spending somewhere else for the holiday. I know I am.

Just one more point: licking, crotch sniffing and jumping are not minor issues. The dog can be taught to sit / stay or lie down. The whole evening. Take them outside for exercise at regular intervals, and train them how to behave around guests. Again, not rocket science.

ya'll are nutty.

This post and the tirade that followed are as amusing and annoying as an untrained puppy or a recalcitrant child.

The reality is, pets and kids who have not been allowed to get away with murder all year long are going to be better behaved during stressful times (i.e., the holidays) than those who have been allowed to wreak havoc on a regular basis. And no amount of last minute training and/or scolding is going to make an out-of-control pet or child suddenly behave perfectly. So, to all you would-be guests out there, if you know how your host and his or her charges behave throughout the year, then don't expect things to be any different at a party.

As for hosts whose guests maybe uncomfortable or unaccustomed to being around animals, a friendly pre-party tutorial, including tips on ignoring and turning away from an overly friendly pet, may go along way in easing a guest's anxiety. And because hosting a party means making sure all those invited are enjoying themselves, it's always a good idea to keep a close eye on the little ones, no matter what the species.

Here's one problem about training your dog how to behave around guests: Dogs need practice!

So when you come to my house and my dog is overly excited to see you or begging for attention, please let me correct her. DON'T say, "Oh, that's alright." and PET her. I'm telling her one thing and you're rewarding her bad behavior.

I've tried the pre-party tutorial, which should be very effective. (Turn away, ignore her, don't touch her until she is calm) However, people can be more difficult to train than dogs.

For those hosts who are considering all the possible reasons for a guest's reaction to their furry friends, add this one: your guest might have experienced a trauma involving a cat or dog. As a child, I was forced to watch my dogs get beaten. I was not allowed to intervene or comfort them later. I am exceedingly uncomfortable around dogs now. I have an irrational, unshakable fear that something terrible will happen to them at any moment.
When a guest seems uncomfortable around your pets, separating the guest from the pets might be a kindness.

I would also like to add that your dog should be freshly groomed! There's nothing worse than a smelly, dirty dog.

We visit family out of town for the holidays and the dog comes with us. He is freshly bathed, lots of potty breaks, plenty of new chew toys to keep him busy, walked a few times a day, a crate to put him in for meals or chaotic times and I watch him like a hawk the rest of the time. I know I'm an OCD dog owner, but this always seems to work out well.

i just about died laughing at some of these comments. it doesn't matter that my cats are well-trained and ridiculously lazy. it's unfair to subject my crotchety little nuggets to "animal lovers" that ignore repeated warnings that touching the no-fly zones will result in biting, then become outraged when the cats go unpunished. an uneventful evening in the bedroom isn't going to rock their little world to its core, and it's easier than trying to train people that no always means no.

i'd still take poorly-trained animals over children any day. i can handle a 90lb lap blanket trying to nose his way onto my plate, but nothing ruins a thanksgiving meal faster than a squalling monosyllabic germ incubator sliming like something out of a bad horror flick.

For our housewarming, I am planning a doggy party in the back yard, with treats, toys and a dogsitter. Those guests who like dogs can go say hi, dog owner friends can bring furry friends, but they won't disturb the party (any more than any atmospheric noise in our urban environment).

I hate when I have to worry about dogs trying to take food from my kids when we're at the table.

I am really annoyed by this post, assuming that a) all dogs are bad/ annoying/ etc, and b) all dog owners are idiots. Thanks to those of you, like Tinquerbelle, who are at least posing a different view.

I personally find people's children more offensive than their dogs. If you're so worried about your kids being bothered by dogs, then don't leave your house. And certainly don't visit your friends at the holidays -- they feel the same way about your kids as you do about their pets. They're just too nice to say anything.

Don't be annoyed. This post is skillfully written to ensure maximum pageviews and make sure you click on it so you can comment about how awful it is. We all fell for it. Squirrel!

Wow.... I don't think the matter is about dogs or kids. I think this post is too personal and should not have been posted on Apartment Therapy.

(This is the part where I rant on and on and end up deleting it for the sake of length.)

Sorry, just a bit too opinionated for AT for me and don't find it to be a good etiquette to tell your host how to host.

I have nothing worthwhile to contribute to the dog vs. guest debate, as I'm hopelessly biased. I firmly believe that "the more people I meet, the more I like my dog." However, valid points have been made on both sides of the argument.

I will say, though, that the post itself does come off a bit like a self-indulgent whine/thinly veiled complaint about some particular incident. If the author had even taken the time to, say, link to the AKC list of tips for managing pets during the holidays a commenter mentioned above, the article would have been much more "post-worthy".

@ b77 Thanks!

wow i can see this topic brings out the comments!

i agree with both sides - dogs must be trained, i LOVE dogs but i'll be damned if i am going to eat my dinner with a stinky face in my lap - its not fair to the dog to not train him better. and on the other hand, it is my home and my little boston terrier is my family. i will not lock him away because you do not like him. i did my part by training him properly, now you sit back, pet him and like it! :)

I expect my guests to realise that I have a dog and let me know if it's a problem, but I also know that my dog is not always a sociable animal and would prefer to take herself away from the chaos given half a chance so we tend to make sure she has a bed somewhere quiet, or the crate if its at home, and then she can chose to get away. No stress then.

Some of my friends are not keen on dogs so I make sure the house is extra-clean, her bedding is washed and she doesn't smell. Then I ask the guests and the dog to leave each other alone please as that is best for all concerned. If I had a lot of people around I would probably crate her somewhere quiet as she would get anxious and snappy if strangers invaded her space and I don't want that for anyone.

First - Amanda is credited for the image. She may or may not be the author.

Second - this has nothing to do with apartment living and sounds more like someone has an axe to grind.

Please send your op-ed pieces to a newspaper.

I am a dog owner. I have no children of my own, but I do have a large extended family and lots of nieces and nephews, many of them toddlers--and I love for my family to visit my home, especially during the holidays. My dogs are generally well-behaved when it's just me and my husband, but they do get excited and rambunctious around guests, especially children. In my experience visiting others' homes, even the best-trained dog can be expected to exhibit dog behavior when there are guests in the house. For me it is simple. I don't entertain frequently and when I do, I put my dogs in another room until they calm down enough to interact with guests without being obtrusive. I can tolerate most any level of dog behavior when I am a guest in someone's home, but not everybody feels the same way about dogs. I just think when you invite people to your home, it's your responsibility to provide them with a comfortable experience, and for me that means keeping my pets out of the center of activity for at least the initial greeting/arrival period. I really don't see what the big deal is. If you don't feel comfortable putting your dogs up if they tend to annoy your guests, the most logical solution is to not invite guests over at all.

@ kelflo2303 is absolutely right, I am embarrassed for being so upset by this piece as it is totally irrelevant to AT.

This is the kind of divisive post where I read the different comments and marvel how humans ever attempted to claim the existence of such thing as "common" sense.
It also made me chuckle that anneanne's dog has a favorite brand of beer.

so, since i was the one starting the whole debate basically...I read many comments here, from the 'lock your dog away' fraction, stating that 'people don't train their dogs, which makes for unhappy animals'. All the comments I have read here from the 'my pet is my family' fraction state clearly that dogs/cats MUST be trained and well behaved. So please, do not use the argument of necessary training for dogs against our fraction, it is not what we talk about. And without that argument its very hard, right? Oh, I laughed myself from the chair when crotch sniffing was mentioned...yes, people have crotches! Those crotches smell! Its a universal fact. Or would you also like me to blend the toilet door with the wall so that it does not remind us of our crotches too? and maybe we could all pretend you went out to gaze at stars when you go for a wee!

Gosh, icedd, I wonder if we're all talking about the same kind of holiday party here. If you're holding holiday frat parties, that's fine, go wild. I'm sure none of those guests mind at all if a dog is sliming all over them the whole time.

At our parties we exchange nice gifts and try to eat a hard-earned meal, we don't really want dogs chewing everything in sight in these instances.

I clearly stated that, as an animal professional, I know that dogs are happier when trained. Animals should never be locked outside. If they have to be locked away, they are not trained properly.

I'm shocked at what passes for "trained" these days.

I am grateful to AP for posting this. We've had to turn down invites to homes where people's dogs are just unbearable. They jump, knock us over and some even bite. The owners are clueless.

Too bad it's so divisive, but it's a huge relief to know I'm not alone in this and maybe we all can come to some sort of agreement. I feel as though I've learned a bit from both sides.

I'd take an annoying dog over an annoying child any day. I have a small yorkie who is very excitable, but I have found small children thinking he is a toy to be a bigger problem than my 7 lb dog. I've had to suffer through holidays with annoying kids my whole life. Get over it... dogs are nothing compared to a bratty child.

This post and discussion hits home for me. I don't mind dogs, but I've never owned a dog. At my inlaws holiday party two years ago their dog would not leave me alone. He was in my crotch, and climbed on me whenever I sat down, and it was hurting me. I was polite to my hosts as they apologized, but I was VERY uncomfortable and sternly asked DH to help keep the dog off of me. Last year they had kenneled the dog. I felt badly that they felt the need to do that, but honestly, the dog was not trained well enough to handle 30+ people in a small home and seemed to be drawn to me, one of the few non-dog people. I do think it was the polite things for them to do as hosts.

My otherwise well-behaved beagle once livened up a holiday gathering by peeing on the floor, in front of all guests. It was, I'd say, an appropriate gesture.

It's important to train dogs not to jump on others, and it's sometimes necessary to put them in another room, but if one isn't up to the occasional spontaneity of canine companions, one shouldn't have pets. Or dinner parties.

Especially for Emmi, who has not read my post properly, as Tim Minchin says:
And if by chance I have offended,
think but this and all is mended:
we'd as well be a day back in time,
for all the chance you'll change your mind.

I love dogs but wouldn't really want one jumping on me at a party. Although it would be cool to not have to think about it, I wouldn't expect my friend/host to put the dog in another room. I can deal with it for a few hours. No biggie.

now to the super miffed dog owners: to some people, your dog is about as welcome to them as their kids are to you. I'm guessing you're not friends with these people and wouldn't have them over to your house anyway so why get all bent out of shape over this post? if your dog is perfect and this advice doesn't apply to you and/or you don't agree with it as a matter of principal that's fine. it's your house and your party so you can do what you want. no need to hate on little kids.

and to those who so openly vilify children: when did this become acceptable? you're under no obligation to like children, but they're people too and I don't understand why it would seem OK to talk about them so disparagingly. it's kind of creepy, actually. I'm sure if I said "I never allow pet owners, homosexuals, any race besides my own, the elderly, the obese, etc. because they _____ (insert gross generalization/ridiculous stereotype here), I'm sure everyone would think I was a complete idiot. not ALL kids are atrocious beasts and not ALL parents are completely oblivious and over indulgent just like not all dogs are terrible to be around. please try to make your argument without bringing my relatively well-behaved kids into it. unless you sprang from the ground a full grown adult, you were a kid once too who, I'm sure, at some point, ruined an adult's evening just by being present. please try to keep this in mind before you start hurling insults at little kids.

My dog...I love her I do. She is sweet, affectionate and quiet. She is so very good with kids and even noticibly more gentle with babies, like she knows better than humans how to treat different types of humans!

One time, at my birthday party, she got sick, had an accident on the floor. I was embarassed, I cleaned, it was ok.

Another time, her wagging tail knocked over a glass of wine my boss was holding, it spilled on my boss... My fiance let him borrow a shirt. We carried on, my boss seemed ok and its a good "dig disaster" story.

Those two stories are the worst from my dog in her 7 years of life and parties. I have had friends who brought friends who can not hold their alcohol and threw up ALL OVER my bathroom and did not offer to clean. I have had friends get too touchy-feely, making the situation uncomfortable for several present people. I can accept that people make mistakes (although never forgiving the barf bathroom incident...ever) and parties get rowdy.

On one occasion, I was playing with my friends cat and, like how I play with my dog, got all roughy-up-the-belly and apparently thats not ok with cats? I learned my lesson, it shredded my hand. Was it my fault? Almost entirely!

Only thing I don't allow in my home is smoking. Well behaved kids, dogs, drunks, all welcomed.

Also my dog is pretty much near perfect and a hero so this article does not apply to such a well behaved example of canine perfection. So I simply can NOT get offended by it because it just does not apply!

:)

I know I sure didn't spring up a full grown adult. Rather than let my presence ruin the evening for an adult my parents always shut me up in a back bedroom whenever they invited folks over so that a guest would in no way shape or form have the slightest inconvenience or discomfort by my presence, despite being a relatively well behaved and well trained child; but still a child. Put the child in another room or crate when people come over. Easy. Not everyone loves children.

I'd rather put the dog owners and parents in the crate so I don't have to hear their sad excuses for not raising responsible children or well-adjusted dogs.

Maybe AP should invite Cesar Milan to read this, I bet he'd be quite amused! He could perhaps offer advice to both sides!

macewr82...my parents DID actually put us kids in another room when other adults came over for a get-together... hmm...

I don't think anyone has addressed barking yet. While dogs that jump on people, or slobber on them at dinner, should either be trained or put in a separate room if the guests might be offended by such behaviors, there's little you can do about the barking. Yes, there are bark collars, but I certainly don't want to inhibit my dogs' natural inclinations to bark when a stranger enters the house!

I have to agree with lulu1234 who said:
"I believe there are three kinds of people when it comes to pets: Pet lovers who see their pets as family members, pet lovers for whom, a dog is a dog, not a person, and people who generally don't like or think pets belong in the yard."

If you're a person who would give your life for your kid and in another instance you would give your life for your dog, that dog is probably your child.

I would not give my life for my dog, but would give it for my niece and nephew if it came down to it. I think its obvious where I fall in lulu's example.

At the end of the day, the comparison between dogs/pets and human children is pretty weak, although as pointed out previously by numerous people, bad parents are not any better than bad pet owners.

At the end of the day, how you treat your animal is up to you, but not everyone is going to agree with it or like it. This entire article was about being a good host, not being a good pet owner.

macewr82, you've paraphrased four posts in an obvious attempt to ridicule others since opening your account yesterday. What gives?

I kind of feel bad for all the pet owners out there who spend all this time training their pets not to jump up, beg, whatever, only to have a guest visit and reinforce bad behavior.

If a dog is sniffing your crotch and you don't like it, push it away and say "no", duh.

GNP, no ridicule. It's the use of satire as a tool to point out a flaw in the argument here. Of course it seems sadly that very few see the irony in protesting "how dare you attack children" while then making the same statements about other members of the household.
This article's headline talks about "pet etiquette" but then goes on to offer only commentary (and quite oddly specific instances at that) about dogs, never mentioning any other kind of pet, particularly the other most commone one: cats. What about cats who always come up and rub on your legs, or knead you while you're sitting having a conversation, or heaven help me those disgusting smelling litter boxes that always seem to be in the bathroom guests have to use and that make me want to vomit if, god-forbid, I should have to pee while I'm visiting? And then of course, as others have mentioned, the article gives no actual advice or helpful hints.
There are tips to being a good host, but there are also tips to being a good guest when you've made the choice to accept someone's invitation to enter their home.
The comparison between dogs/pets and human children is only weak if you view human children as more worthy and your guests as therefore having to make some sort of compromise for them that they don't have to make for others who live in the household because they happen to belong to another species. Personally I expect MORE of children in terms of appropriate human social behavior because they are in fact human and while my dogs have always been well trained and well behaved I have never expected them to "act human" by not ever barking, greeting (sniffing), or interacting in a natural dog way when guests come into our home.
Not to speak for the other "dog defenders" here but it seems to me that the majority of the frustration comes not so much from the article itself (or its seeming lack of purpose) but instead from the immediate comments of "put your dog up, crate your dog, not everyone likes dogs" and the accompanying implications that if your dog acts in any way like an actual dog (well behaved or not) that they should be removed for the enjoyment of a guest who doesn’t like it.
All that being said, I have lots of nieces and nephews, and friends with children and honestly I would often prefer if most kids were kept out of the social gatherings that I have been invited to at their parent's house or made to play by themselves in a back bedroom and not be seen or heard from. But because I'm a good guest, and because they live there and are cherished members of the family, I don't think that these parents are terrible hosts because they don't do so. I suck up my uncomfortableness and get over it or I just don't drop by if it bothers me that much. Just like I hold my nose every time I have to pee in a cat owner's home so I don't have to smell that awful litter box and thank heaven that I own a pet that's trained to go outside.

On a side note, cheers to msjessiemeghan lol for best post of the whole comment thread.

I've had to leave parties when my allergies to the host's cat(s) made breathing difficult. I thanked the host for the invitation and briefly explained my condition, already evident, before leaving. I also shared my appreciation of cats' beauty. The hosts sensibly didn't invite me again. There were no hard feelings.

My sister used to volunteer to keep her dogs out of her living room while I visited. Although I recently got my first dogs as an adult, I still fear some dogs sometimes (not hers). I never had a problem with a dog as a party guest, though. Dogs loose at parties I've been to all were very small and/or mellow.

If I were afraid of or bothered by a dog at a party, then I wouldn't embarrass my host and myself in public by criticizing or issuing orders. I'd instead quickly leave the party after thanking the host as politely as possible. The host would know without explanation why I was leaving early.

If the host didn't invite me again, then it would be for the best. That's how I handled being guest at parties made unexpectedly awkward by openly used illegal drugs or a nasty drunk. A big difference is that if my problem were with a house pet, then I'd be more comfortable continuing to socialize in other locations with the host.

@melle - I wish! If I pushed our friend's crotch-sniffing dog away I would be banished from their house forever. 99 percent of clueless dog owners are too dumb for our tastes anyway, but these folks are actually pretty smart and close friends. No idea why they're so moronic with dog ownership. :(

I'm with Miami's Elaine. Allergies are my problem, not the host's. But no hard feelings if I leave! Fears are different, I don't know how to handle that. If I had pets and knew about the fears or any other sensitivities ahead of time, I'd remove the animal from the situation. Not fair to the guest, the dog (he's just being himself), and not fair to the host who has to babysit the dog's every move.

That said, I find ONE animal hair in/near/around my food, silverware, glass, I'm done eating for the night. I know it's unavoidable at some point--I'm not trying to dis pet owners who are regular people and can't monitor every single hair, but I think it's equally as fair for someone to be grossed out by it, pet owner or not.

Dogs who jump, crotch sniff incessantly, bark, or "demand" to be petted normally have dominance issues. If the pet owners have established themselves as the leader, the dog does not feel pressured to protect / dominate. All these behaviors are seen as cute but are acutally very domineering and obnoxious.

Easy to fix. If anyone cares. And will make your dog happier.

Good thing bunnies only nose bonk and binky!

@smellykelly, thanks. I'm sometimes dismayed by workplace, etc., acquaintances certain that allergies are deliberate, imaginary, malingering, or passive-aggressive expressions of dislike.

About fear--you ("you" generally and hypothetically--it sounds like you personally don't have pets) may like some one who you know fears dogs, and you have dogs. She probably wouldn't want you turning your home upside-down for her and, knowing that you know, wouldn't mind that you don't invite her.

She may be willing and able eventually to work through this not-uncommon, yet often embarrassing, problem, and then share the good news. Until then, instead of your playing host you can continue to enjoy together whatever you were doing while you became friendly acquaintances.

@miami's elaine: i'm always disturbed by people that trivialize allergies. while i confine my cats when entertaining, it's necessary to inform new guests that there are long-haired cats in residence. i also keep over-the-counter medication on hand for people with mild allergies, but i learned the hard way that surprising an unsuspecting guest with a snuggly fur grenade may end in an e.r. visit. that's just bad social karma.

Regarding allergies: while these are an individual issue, as a host, it is so much easier to be upfront (we have cats, while I would love to have you over, if you are allergic, why don't we go out instead). Although I do not have animal allergies, I do have a couple of allergy issues and I would rather know upfront what I am dealing with. It makes everyone's life easier.

And life in general is easier if people aren't on the lookout to be continually offended by something.

Wow, now I sound like an official Old Person (tm).

@Miami's Elaine: Thanks for your calmly insightful words.

@kariwk, yours are useful observations, well put.

@rapunzel, you're welcome, and the same back at you.

I understand this is a touchy subject. I imagine when a "Hospitable Kid Etiquette for the Holidays" comes out, it will incite similar emotions, lol.

I've had dogs, I have a kid, I'm getting a dog for Christmas. Just as I take time to teach my daughter how to behave and be polite to company/hosts/people in general, I take the time to train my dogs. Some others in my family do not. I think this article is good for those people who have never taught their dogs anything, let them climb on their laps when the sit on the couch (not lap dogs, btw, they weight at LEAST 70 lbs.), jump up and "hug" them when they walk in the door, etc. I'm nice about the dogs when visiting (like someone said, it's their home), but it doesn't mean I like being knocked down my untrained horses. If your dog is trained, proceed as normal. If your dog is a hellion, lock him up, please.

Same with your children. At least I wish it was like that...we would have a lot less mouths at the kiddie table. Oops, is that mean? :)

My "recycled" dogs arrived trained by previous owners. One automatically goes to the sofa when she hears me arrive and sits there until I pet her. I'd never heard of this. I plan to take dog training classes partly in hopes of learning to train my boy dog to do this. Guests greatly appreciate her "sit to be greeted" training, and like her more than they like my boy dog.

I really hate going to someone's house and be barked at, growled at, crotch sniffed, jumped at, pawed with sharp claws. I don;t think it's too much to ask that the dog goes into a kennel or a quiet room when guests are over.

I want everyone I invite into my home to feel safe and welcomed. Full-time critter residents and two-legged guests, all. So there's some compromise--I do always disclose the cats in case there's an allergy situation, and they could be separated in the other room for a bit (and the rat stays in his cage) if someone turned out to be frightened. But yeah, all my peeps are pretty much animal people, too. By the time they leave, if they didn't arrive that way :).

My dog welcomes all guests with open paws, no barks. Sometimes forgets about the jumping with his excitement. Then lies under the dining room table patiently waiting for crumbs. My family and friends know we have a dog. If these behaviors are unacceptable, they can stay home.

I have a dog I adopted at 2 years old, and it took months and months before he'd stop shaking and barking in terror at strangers. Now, after 5 1/2 years, he can deal pretty well with one guest entering my house, and calmly tolerate a whole bunch of people IF THEY ALL SIT STILL. Obviously, that situation doesn't arise often, and I don't host daily soirees to train my dog to calmness. I also don't host large, generic gatherings - and if I were forced to do so, I would put the dog at my sister's house for the evening. No harm, no foul.

However, I find it amusing that people assume they must never be exposed to any situation that makes them the slightest bit uncomfortable.

When you go to parties, do you remind the hosts that they cannot invite conservatives, or liberals, or devout Muslims or Christians, or people with loud voices, or those wearing perfume, or folks who remind them of their overbearing grandfather?

The notion that people must be allowed to travel through life completely UNOFFENDED at all times is ridiculous. Children, dogs, high-fat foods, boorish uncles, and obnoxious political beliefs... there is simply no guarantee that you will interact only with people and places that delight you.

Get over it. Part of being in the human race is running into occasional irritation, stinkiness, and loud noise. This modern notion that the world should be set up so as not to offend anyone at any time - it leads to gray, bland, generic living. Meh.

A couple points:

1. If someone has a legitimate allergy to dogs and cats, putting them in a different room is going to do little to help. The dander is already everywhere in your house.

2. We recently had a party. There were people I knew there, and people I didn't. The people I know love our dogs (labs which are well-behaved - no jumping, licking, incessant barking). People knew NOT to put their drinks down in the path of Amos' tail, and everybody had to meet the dogs, they're social creatures, they tromped around the house excited to see everybody.

As for the people I didn't know, why again are you at my house? Oh, you're a friend of so-and-so, and you don't like dogs? That's too bad.

I think I have a different definition of "host" than Amanda. We've had multiple house guests this year which began as, "I'm coming into town to visit, can I stay with you?" I always ask, "Do you have a problem with dogs?"

The same thing with a small social or family gathering; people I would invite to a dinner party come to our house regularly, they've housesat our beloved pooches, they bring goodies for them (not us) and if someone comes along with them that says, "Yeah, I don't get dogs" we probably won't have them over again. As for the family thing, I don't get that. If they're your family, why can't you communicate?

That's the solution? train your pet? OH - ok...let me do that real fast