Growing up, I don't remember having a written out set of house rules, though I also recall trying to argue my way out of any offense I might have committed since nothing was set in stone. My poor mother. While cruising through Flickr, we came across this printed list of household rules decided upon by all the household members. How does it compare to your house rules?
Each year the Grimm family sits down to establish and revamp the rules of the house from the prior year. Everyone was excited as "no sticks at all" came off the list from last year as everyone is responsible enough this year to not end up headed to the emergency room.
Each house, family and traditions are different and what works for one family, might not for another, but at home, just like in school, having rules to follow makes things easier on everyone. Knowing that your children know what's expected of them upfront helps along the way because as much as we'd like them to be — they're not mind readers.
We like the idea of the whole family sitting down to establish the basics together (as well as the consequences which are written on the back of the paper shown above) so it becomes a group effort and kids feeling like they did their part. What rules do you have in your family? Do you keep them posted up or host a family meeting to discuss them? Share your thoughts in the comments below and check out the details on this family's list over at Dried Figs and Wooden Spools.
(Image: Flickr member Dried Figs used by permission)
Things Fall Apart: Living Alone in a Space After a Breakup
TVG LA's Massive Creative Hub
Good Food to Share 
The Big Book of Small, Cool Spaces 
Apartment Therapy Presents 
The Eight-Step Home Cure 
Commercial Flour Sa...
10 Picnic-Ready Salads to Eat Outside
Recipe: Thai Ginger Chicken Stir-Fry
Our son goes to a school specializing in helping kids who need a little help in the discipline/organization department. Having a set of family rules is key in our home. However, if I were to suggest some improvements to the list above...
Keep the list concise. Too many rules = too many things to remember.
For little kiddos, visual pictures might help if they can't read.
Tell the kids what TO do, instead of what NOT to do. IE: keep toys in the home/yard instead of no taking the toys to school. Sometimes kids don't know what to do because they've never been told the RIGHT way.
Make it visual. Some younger kids have a harder time reading, so visual elements help.
Our #1 rule is follow directions. This encompasses everything a parent tells you to do.
We also like to add in: have fun safely. Because really, a set of rules is boring and kids are always told what to do. So why not encourage them to have fun as well?!
I like it!
It's hard to hold kids up to expectations, if you aren't clear & consistent with what those expectations are.
I really love that "be respectful" was #1.
For the younger ones, cute pictures to accompany the text might be nice.
New project!
I definitely agree with applesnkids that too many rules are too hard for little ones to understand. We used to have a chart with too many rules, and it just didn't work. We have a 4 year old and 2 year old boy, and so we only have 4 rules:
1) No screaming (inside)
2) No climbing (inside)
3) No throwing (inside)
4) No hurting (each other)
We have each of them posted on a piece of paper with a circle and slash through it on their bedroom door so that we can point to it and remind them when they break the rule and they're on their way to timeout in their room.
Then they have 4 chores also that they do before bath time each night, which are:
1) Pick up the toys in the living room
2) Clear the dishes from the table
3) Pick up the toys in their bedroom
4) Pick up the clothes in the bathroom (after bath time)
They get a quarter upon the completion of each chore. It's working MARVELOUSLY so far. We've been taking them to the store to buy something with their money, if they choose to. The 2 year old doesn't get it yet, but the 4 year old loves it.
I've found it helpful to post a few specific rules so that sitters can default to them. Especially when you have a teenage sitter and an argumentative tween. It's hard to argue you can stay up and play wii when it's right there on the fridge in black and white!
Arlington Mama, your 4 year old gets $1 a day for allowance/chores??
WOW! ... Will you be MY mommy?
Arlington Mom.. I think that's fantastic! I think we may be adopting that for our home!
I just re-read my post and sorry for the horrible grammar and repeating of items. I was in a rush to get out the door :)
Avimom - you make a great point about the rules for sitters. It makes it much easier for them to know what's allowed.
In case anyone else was curious about toy switch, here's how it's explained on the blog - sounds like a great idea:
The toy switch is something we do on Saturdays. We have about half the toys put away in bins in the basement, every week they get to switch out what toys they have in their rooms. With them sharing, we can only fit so many things into their rooms so this makes it easier, plus they actually play with what's there and then are excited to see something "new" the next week :)
We have only two rules and they are set in stone:
#1: If you see a snake call an adult.
#2: No climbing on the roof.
Rules, like the particular tools you keep in the back of your car, arise just after you knew you needed them. I blogged about ours here: http://www.se7en.org.za/2008/09/27/saturday-spot-house-rules
I agree with just about everything the first commenter said.
Right now my kids are two and four years old. I borrowed a set of rules I saw on a blog:
Be Kind
Be Gentle
Be Safe
I have them on the fridge.
se7en, laughing my ass off at your rules! Those are great!
I like some rules but reading should not be a chore. To encourage kids to read, read to them and read with them. Take them to the library. Make books available in the car and in all rooms of the house. Don't make them do it so they get the other things they want.
Actually, krazzledazzle, with reluctant readers, it can work well to have reading be something they do in exchange for something they really want to do. And it says homework so it sounds like the kids are older, maybe that is just their way of balancing the "fun" stuff and the "work" stuff for their kids.
exclamation point and caps heavy! I think I would feel so badgered with all that as a child. I have to say... given my childhood experience I've always had a hard time with rules like #2. It's valuable for a child's activities to be respected and for them to learn time management. To insist that they drop everything to answer an adult's bidding may not always be the healthiest. I'd much rather tell a child "this is what must be done by this time" and let them work out when to do it (whenever possible).
Actually, Sturgis, it's that kind of rule-making and negativity that often makes reluctant readers even more reluctant.
I was lucky to have 2 pretty good kiddos but I did have to lay down they law. I would give them treats like an extra story at bedtime or 5 more minutes in the sprinkler if they could recite them.
The original 2:
1. Mind mommy.
2. Hold mommy's hand when crossing the street.
Number 3 was added after a particularly bad day and my nerves were rubbed raw. You would think the #1 rule would have taken care of these issues, but there is no reasoning with a couple of pre-schoolers.
3. No hitting, no biting, no kicking, no fighting.
My girls are now teenagers and thankfully still abide by rules 4 and 5.
4. Come tell mommy if something bad happens even if you think you might get in trouble.
5. If you fart in the car, please roll down the window.
Agreed with the previous poster that it's a little CAPS and exclamation mark heavy. If I was reading this, I would feel like I was being yelled at every time. Also agreed that it's hard (even as an adult) to drop everything you're doing the first time you're asked to.
I think it's a good idea when establishing rules to state them positively (ex. Speak with inside voices, versus NO YELLING!).
I love the toy switch idea, that would work out well for us.
As for the caps and exclamation mark issue- my 6 yr old has no clue that adults might think that was "yelling"-- he has no concept of that. Caps to him mean that it's "important"
The reading and tv issues- that has to be an individual child call.... my son is 6, he reads on a 3rd grade level right now, has a very large vocabulary and is in special accelerated classes.... he also has watched tv all his life- hours of it actually... he makes his own story boards of movies that he creates, loves the history channel and Dr. Who.... every kid is different. If he couldn't watch tv ("Between the lions" on PBS) in the morning he would be devestated... he jumps out of bed, eats his breakfast while having books read to him by lion puppets- and is ready to start his day at school-happy and cheerful.
Um, wow, this house sounds like no fun at all. What can you do on a Wii in 30 minutes? Why would finish your homework before playing outside in the winter when it gets dark so early? Whatever happened to sneaking a treat before bed? Why can't kids play in the wreckage of their rooms Saturday morning and eat pumpkin pancakes as the good lord intended? These are the kids that go off to college and go nuts when they're finally free.
I agree with adamsapple, way too structured, isnt that what school is for? A little leeway at home is a nice change from the micromanaged, regimented world outside.
Doing homework right after school sounds pretty strict. When do they play outside? We always came home from school and went straight outside to play in the yard until dinner.
Calm down, @adamsapple. Remember: the kids helped her come up with the rules. So THEY agreed to read for 15 min. every day; she's not imposing it on them.
It sounds (and looks, from her blog) like her kids are in the 3-8 yrs range. So, you would do your homework before playing outside in winter because you're little and your homework doesn't take that long; in 30 minutes on a Wii you can probably play a level of a game intended for a small child just fine, etc.
And I agree with an above poster that the limitations on TV sound like a way to keep balance. I need to institute a "Read for fun every day for 15 minutes at least" rule! Might help relieve some of the university stress!
I love this rule idea, for all the reasons mentioned above. I don't have kids, but I might do this anyway just as a reminder for myself and my boyfriend!
If I hadn't had some time outdoors straight off the school bus I would have been a worse stark raving mad lunatic than I already was. I needed that time to burn off energy, my mom knew it, we all knew it. As soon as dinner was finished (in the old days that was around 6:30) homework was finished, a nice bath was soothing and I was asleep by 8:30 and happy.
Adamsapple was being funny, Katy.did Frankly as the kids get older I'm sure the rules will get more stingent. I have rules in my house too, but are they spelled out? No, but then I don't have control issues.
Ugh...what a downer! Must be like a house full of robots. Loosen up for goodness sakes!
I'm just trying to imagine how awful it would be to come home from work every day and have to sit down immediately and tackle EVEN MORE work, without the break of an afternoon run. I don't think we adults ever think of homework that way. In general, this list is far too draconian and will become more problematic as the children get older. At some point, it will create tension for the children in the guise of creating order for the parent.
sounds good. i need to post rules for visiting children. none of my rules are respected by them. i try to make it a fun visit and a real hangout. as a result, they don't take me seriously. ignore orders and break my stuff. all i get is exhaustion, sticky floors, and a dirty kitchen.
we also have a list quite similar to the one here. My son has some attention and hyperactivity issues, and a schedule lets him know what is coming next, and lets him know there are CLEAR consequences to his actions, good or bad. I find rules like this really help more with kids with some "issues". My son benefits huge from this, my daughter is more "fly by the seat of your pants airy fairy" kind of girl- she thrives more on an impromptu schedule. It's hard meshing the two, so my son knows to check out the list/schedule, and can figure things our from there if I'm not immediately available for him.
I would definitely avoid any rules that prohibit eating or restrict food. Yes, the food cut-off is 10 minutes before lights out, but it still seems like a great way to create an eating disorder (or at least teach kids to ignore their hunger instincts, which can lead to so many problems later on). I believe in giving children food when they're hungry no matter what time it is -- the trick is to teach them the difference between hunger and boredom/fatigue/etc.
I understand all the rules and everything but definitely wayyy to strict.... The reading rule is definitely a plus!! Especially nowadays when kids read less and less each day...
Well I feel that I should weigh in here, since there seems to be so much debate over the rules in our house. So here goes...
As I explained in the blog, I did not have written rules as a child, but then I didn't need them, our son, however, does. Every child is different and every family is different and after many discussions with his teachers and with him, we have come to the conclusion that having rules like these makes him more comfortable in life. Because of some issues he has, he needs very black and white rules which I realize many kids do not. And since we wrote these for our house and not with the intention of them being an example for the rest of the world, well, we set rules that work for us, and most importantly, him. Our daughter is really too young to understand at the moment, but as she gets older, we'll adjust them. She, like me, doesn't need specific written rules.
On the reading thing - His school requires 15 minutes a day of reading so this was just our way of making sure there is a balance of reading and TV/screen time. It works for him. As I said, he needs very specific, black and white rules so this is how we define it for him.
The fonts were chosen by him, the bold and caps are because mommy's eyes aren't' great and it helps me read them should I have lost my glasses (again) But really, we don't read them out every day, they are just there for a reference when needed.
As for some of the specifics, the first time every time rule is again, to do with some of his needs, this is something that we have worked out with his teachers to help with consistency from school to home. And starting homework straight off the bus is also a tactic that we worked out with teachers. He does much better with getting it done when still in school mode. Believe me, we've tried to let him have some play time between school and homework and it has been, both for him and for us, disastrous.
I realize that it's hard to tell all of that from a simple list, but as I said, the rules were made for our specific family, they were on my flickr page and my blog because I like to share, but they were never intended to be a "this is what you should do" thing. I think it's important, as a community of parents, to remember that every family functions differently and it's hard to judge parenting decisions when you are not in that specific situation. That being said, I'm always curious about how others do things like this. It's fascinating to me to get a glimpse into others lives and parenting style. I just hope that people will remember not to judge too harshly something that you are only seeing though one flickr photo....
Oops, wrote that on the husbands computer and forgot he has an account. That was me :)
I love house rules!!
When I got my drivers license many, many years ago - my parents sat down with me and I had to sign an insanely long contract which laid out all of the rules and each consequence. Oh how that saved me! Mom couldn't react emotionally and lay on extra punishment =)
Our rules are definitely tailored to each of our children. We use a dry erase board to help my son focus on a couple key rules that he might be struggling with or tempted to argue. Changes as necessary.
My favorite though is a needlepoint I found in a small little shop. It is hung very low at eye level across from the toilet =)
Rules to live by:
1. Never give up
2. Be nice to on another
3. Think good thoughts
4. Try to do better
5. Say please & thank you
Growing up we did homework first too. It was fine by me. I came in, made a snack, sat down and started my homework. I never felt, stifled and I was also never up crazy late doing homework.
In the winter when it got dark early, my sister and I would take over the living room building forts or play music and make up our own dances.
As we got older I had more flexibility but I stuck with my homework first routine. That also meant that from dinner time to bedtime was 'freetime.' No sudden realization that I still had to do a page of long division.
Every family is different.