I have this issue with my in-laws and my husband doesn't to confront them. I guess he doesn't want to hurt them but its really turning our house into a cluttered jungle. I have to admit that we regularly send stuff to the poor that they recently bought our kids... The only solution I have found.

I don't. A generous grandparent is something a child (and parent) should be grateful for. If it gets to be too much, I either ask them to keep some of the toys at their houses or I stash them away for a rainy day. I find it helps to give them a Christmas list if they ask for it. I have my standards for the kinds of toys I get for my kids but I think it sounds rude and ungrateful to admonish my elders for their generosity.

Our family limits presents to one item per person. That way the gifts picked out are generally ones that are special and not just dust collectors. We also make it a habit to tell eachother exactly what it is we want. Sometimes we will give eachother two or three items to choose from. This helps you control what is coming into your home and how much of it is coming in.

ps. I would have DIED for a My Little Pony collection like that one when I was a kid... oh so many moons ago.

I'm ruthless! I've been known to exchange gifts that were unappropriate. When something comes in, something has to go out to goodwill. The kids have trust accounts which relatives are welcome to contribute to. The children will be able to access them when they go to college. We also ask for immaterial gifts: to take them to concerts, plays, shows, safari parks, zoos... Great memories.

(Shudders looking at all those technicolor My Little Ponies lined up)--I keep a running list of gift ideas or things our daughter needs or wants in case grandparents need any ideas (you can keep a pretty good list on Amazon even for non-Amazon things with website links). She knows that if she wants something plastic toy related, she will most likely have to save up her money and buy it herself. Also, if something comes into our house, something must go out and be donated to another child who could use it... I put the blame on having a small house and closet (we organize toys and stuffed animals in closet bins) but it really helps!

I feel this problem coming. I have a four month old daughter and our families are out of control. My mother has already purchased her an easy bake oven and barbies. I have decided that I am going to have to set some boundaries when it comes to gifts. I am going to send our parents a list of general gifts that we would like for her or we think that she would actually play with. I don't think it is out of line to give them guidelines. I am also going to tell them that I am not being rude but if they purchase inappropriate gifts for her (like an easy bake oven) then we are going to exchange them. I would rather them spend money on useful things rather than ridiculous whims.

My family member always ask me about gifts. They don't live close, so they're grateful for the tips on giving her something she will appreciate. However, she is three and hasn't been able to articulate what she wants directly to them. So I still fear the herd of pink ponies that may be coming my way!

I think one of the heads of those My Little Pony's in grandmas bed would do the trick.

We have a few restrictions for young children. No licensed content. No media except for music. No batteries. Natural materials. Prefer items not made in China for safety reasons. Prefer a small number of nice things. Nothing with phylates, bpa, pvc, or third world paint.

We encourage books and experiences. One grandmother and aunt buy gifts of the wish list, twice a year. No other gifts ever.

The rules are for the other grandmother, who does genius things like give a gift she asked about, was rejected as too violent, then gives it anyway while we aren't around, so that then we are in the position of taking it away if want to maintain the rule.

"I don't. A generous grandparent is something a child (and parent) should be grateful for." Well said nellymom. I think teaching a child (or adult) how to graciously accept a gift is more important than the gift itself.

No offense JudiAU, but you sound a little bit sanctimonious. Are you children not allowed to play with plastic toys or licensed character toys on play dates, either? We can't always live in a bubble.

I guess we don't really have this problem so much, but we also live out of state so if something eventually goes to goodwill or is put away there is no harm. We divide up toys too and rotate so it's never an issue of too much like this.

After eight years my parents are starting to catch on. Little and big hints for eight years did the trick. Sometimes I say flat out, "That's awesome, and it's staying at your house!" The big one that comes to mind was an inflatable jump house that had be stored in a huge box. Nice try, grandma!!

I'm sure I'm going to get attacked for this, but if you're family (aquaintanes and friends aside), you should be honest and respectful enough (both sides!) to be upfront about the gifts you'd prefer your kids to play with. It's just as ungracious for the gift giver to fill your house with crap only to feel good about it themselves when an accumulation of stuff is just not what your child needs or should get at the moment. I ditto experiences with grandparents as a much better gift than any plastic bells and whistles toy. Less waste in the world if we just tell each other the truth.

I think it is important to teach children to be grateful. I also think it is important, as parents, to filter what is brought into the home. Heading off a toy gun purchase (one example of a type of toy we are very much opposed to) before it is bought by having a conversation about it doesn't seem inappropriate to me. The child doesn't need to learn of the conversation, so I'm unsure how that is teaching them to be ungrateful? Now, if the toy gun is purchased and gifted without our knowledge, then I'd have a gentle conversation with my son about it after the fact, letting him know why he cannot keep it and we could come up with a solution (i.e. give it away.) I'd also follow up with the gift-giver to let them know that we don't accept toys like that.

I don't think it's rude, or sheltering, or "living in a bubble". I think it is about choosing what our values are and living with conviction. I would not want a well-meaning person to give my son meat as a treat either (we are vegetarian). Even on a playdate. Even if it was his grandma that he rarely sees. I don't see it as being all that different. We all have different values and rules.

That being said, there is a good way and a bad way of going about having those conversations or setting those guidelines.

I'm just thinking of the Christmas when my son was 2 - he received 14 separate toys from my in-laws. We try to stress the "only one item" thing and we tell them that the other grandparents only spent $20 or whatever to keep them anchored to reality.

I dislike clutter & excess, so into a box for a local home for needy mothers & children it goes!

The problem we're running into having our first is one side of grandparents outdoing the other. One side buys baby a blanket and outfit, other side buys baby 20. First side goes and buys something pricey after that and other side has to as well and so on.

That aside, gifts are a good thing! Think of how many families out there either don't have a good relationship with parents to let their kids receive loving gifts from the grandparents or no grandparents at all or ones that cant afford to do sweet things to an excess. Trusts me, any kid who lost a grandparent or had some that just weren't very present can tell you, don't stifle the gifts and love of their grandparents. Especially while they're around cause they won't always be.

If I get something I don't care for, I thank them and then put it someplace to the side til I feel its appropriate to get rid of it.

I decided pretty early on that eliminating everything I didn't like was going to be more trouble than it was worth. We do employ a variety of tactics on the most egregious offenders though. I've managed to return/exchange a few things but my husbands family always wants our son to open and play with his present right away so that can be hard. Anything with characters I just can't stand (Elmo, Barney, Veggie Tales etc) and can't return/exchange gets freecycled immediately. The huge ride on train my husbands' grandmother gave our son when he was 8 months old and we lived in a tiny condo got left at her house to be his special toy there.

I also have a closet full of toys that are just age inappropriate like the lovely Melissa and Doug tool bench that clearly says 3 and up that my clueless uncle got my son for his 1st birthday. I haven't decided yet whether or not to follow my mothers advice and rewrap them for birthdays and Christmases or just pull them out at an appropriate time but I'm lucky enough to have the storage space to do this in our new house.

I think moderation is the key and unfortunately my mother doesn't really appreciate my position. I had to talk to her and tell her that Grandma should not give more presents than Santa. Each year after receiving over 14 gift for my daughter, I tell her she has to limit it to five Christmas presents. She regularly gets around it by packaging a skirt, a blouse, tights, head bands and jewelry into a one box. I have pointed out that isn't within the spirit of my request. She says that she's does it because she is so far away. My mom also invests up too much money into gifts and too much emotion into them--did she LOVE the present I sent? And is a regular buyer of age-inappropriate gifts--expensive jewelry for little girls, books beyond their age, etc. I have had talks with her that are along the line of edava19 trying to explain my position. Gift giving goes both ways and that should be respected. If the parent's don't want licensed product the grandparents should respect that. However, there are times that as a parent you don't like a certain gift; but the child really really wants one and well....let's just say we have had Cinderella Tea Sets and Barbies because that is what the child dearly wanted and it thrills the grandparents to make their grandchildren so happy. My tips are: I have my kids prepare wish lists for the grandparents and I keep reminding my mother that I would truly like her to follow the boundaries I try to set, no more than 5 presents (including cash and gift cards). Cash and gift cards should be no more than $20 - - anything more should be given to me to put in their college fund. We are seven years into this and hopefully the message will get through sometime. :)

I am thinking that the people who commented about sweet, generous grandparents and being ungrateful children/grandchildren have never had to deal with this problem. My Mother decided years ago that she was going to start Christmas collections for my children...each one. For my daughter, she decided on Byer's Dolls. These are heinous Colonial Williamsburg-ish figures dressed in dark tones (just so happen to match the colors of her home) They have these creepy paper mache faces with their mouths in O's as if they're singing. This collection became set in stone when my daughter, as a tiny toddler, imitated their faces (I never ceased to hear this story) when she unwrapped it. I have 10 years worth of these figures. For my son, she started collecting those little lit porcelain houses that people set up as Christmas neighborhoods in a bay window. She was "terribly hurt" when I mentioned that these were much more fitting to her decor and I felt like I was being overtaken by her choice for Christmas decorations. I hate hauling them out each year. On top of that, my Grandmother has decided a great collection for them is the musical Hallmark animal that they come out with each year. Groan. Needless to say, Christmas decorating is miserable each year with this pile of crap displayed around my home. Wouldn't want to seem ungrateful, right?
Add that to the fact that my Mom thinks that babies under age 2 should only wear smocked clothing & HUGE bows, I'm going nuts over here. She buys these things with lace and smocking & expects my kids to be dressed in them every time she sees them. She is even more more verbal if whatever it is that doesn't meet her approval is a color other than pastels. I will never forget our first outing-a family get together to introduce my baby to the family. My Mother walked in the back door and exclaimed loudly, "WHAT does she have on? WHY would you dress her in THAT?" It was a pale Polo dress to match the Polo my hubby was wearing (we were told to match for photos). She took her from my arms and immediately re-dressed her in an over-the-top lacey smocked # she'd brought as a gift. Ungrateful for their "generosity"? Somehow, I don't think so.

I completely agree, nellymom. I struggle with this a lot - my husband's parents live out of state, and my mother-in-law goes overboard with gifts for my daughter every time we see her. The gifts are often things I don't particularly care for and certainly wouldn't buy myself. While I would of course say something if I found a gift offensive or morally objectionable, I have tried very hard to be gracious. My mother-in-law is thrilled to have a granddaughter, and we don't see her often. In the grand scheme of things, I think a Disney princess t-shirt every once in a while isn't too much of a big deal. (and if she wears it to school and gets paint on it and ruins it - oh darn!) ;)

Oh, wanted to add that I think a lot of this depends on your relationship with the family members in question. We have a good, straightforward relationship with my in-laws, so I don't worry about my mother-in-law trying to be subversive or disregarding my/my husband's authority. If the situation were different, I can see where an approach like mine wouldn't work.

We have one set of grandparents that loves to buy toys off craigslist, or anything that's deeply discounted. Fortunately we have a very small house and they have a large one, so the "diplomatic" answer is usually, "oh, the kids will be so happy to play with that! It's a shame there's really no room in our house for it, but you can keep it at yours and they'll have it as a treat for weekends, right?" It works.

mhartman-

Every parent should have access to beautiful, well designed, thoughtful toys that are 100% safe for their children. Sadly, that is not what the market offers. I am not even sure that is what the market wants.

Parents have to work hard to find good toys. But if you are careful, you can find toys that bring beauty, wonder, and long lasting play value into your home at any price point. No child should have to play with chemical-leaching plastic, or contaminated paint, or be at the end of supply chain that includes child labor and abysmal working conditions.

People often make aesthetic choices about toys that I don’t understand. Many people aren’t fully aware of toy safety issue. I don’t care about the choices you make for your children.

But I care about what my children play with and thus it is worth it to me

I agree with abbygraykit! I think keeping all the toys around and allowing whatever gifts (setting no guidelines or giving no direction so as not to appear "ungrateful") is akin to us all happily wearing the horrific sweaters that we received when we were children (or adults for that matter). We've all received gifts that we don't like, and what do we do with them? We get rid of them. We also probably try to give a "wish list" the next year and hope for better gifts. Right?

I think with gift-giving, there is only one responsibility that we have, and that is to say thank-you. We do NOT have to keep it, use it, wear it, etc. Giving guidelines or wish lists is, in my opinion, doing the gift-giver a favor. It should not be seen as ungrateful.

My grandmother bought a ton of odd and inappropriate gifts for me as a kid. My mother never criticized them. I was left to decide what to do with them and my mom was surely relieved when most were tossed. Now that my grandmother is gone, however, I so wish I had some of those things. It makes me cry now just thinking about her...she was so well intentioned and I was so ungrateful. I wish my mom had secretly kept some of the things, just in case I would change my mind one day.

I've been pretty fortunate--my parents/family have never been ones to go completely overboard buying things (toys, clothes, whatever) for the grandchildren. Just a few, usually well-considered, little gifts from time to time and for Christmas/birthday, one nice big thing (generally cleared with us). My mom is totally on board with keeping up our biopark passes each year.

My inlaws live nearby and ours is the only local grandchild. Thankfully, they go crazy buying him stuff that stays at their house--usually large, loud, plastic stuff.

Impossible!

"I think with gift-giving, there is only one responsibility that we have, and that is to say thank-you." (from jbuesch's post above)

Yes, yes, yes!

We are grateful for anything the grandparents buy, however, it does get out of control. They have gotten better at the quality of what they give (safe toys), however, they try to "out do" the each other as well as us. We try to address this, but it seems that they have become bitter about it & now do it out of spite. Some excessive toys go into storage for another time or go to a child in need.

My parents go way overboard with my 10month old. I am not all that concerned now, and have told them both that when we get to the point where there are too many 'things' in Evie's life we will start the one in one out (to goodwill) rule. However, my concern is about Evie's relationship with my parents being centered around gifts. Both of my parents are out of town, but at easy driving distance so she sees them 6-8 times/year. I don't want every time she sees them to be about getting stuff. . . or for her to have that expectation. I do encourage experiences or material gifts, but my mom and step-mom are big shoppers. . . Any thoughts?

oops. . experiences OVER material gifts

Sounds like a big thing to point out I'm gathering from these posts that jaimet briefly touched on is this subject is widely going to be varied dependant on who were dealing with here. Someone like abbygraykit who sounds like she clearly doesn't have the most well adjusted mother in the world if she's treating her and her daughter like that, or just any parent with a poor relationship or insane overbearing parents, clearly will be bitter about this issue. My mom always says "you can't fix crazy" and she's right. If a parent demands your child wear what she buy or only use toys they purchase is one thing entirely different fro ma grandparent buying tons of toys for their grandchild. If grandma A ships you a giant box of Barbies for a 1 year old, sure it's age inappropriate, but done with love and if you have even remotely a decent relationship with your parent you can tell them "what were you thinking?" in a nice way. She'll explain her logic or you'll both get a laugh out of it and move on (getting rid of them or keeping them because its your choice, obv!) It's not like these are acquaintances or people you have to be coy with...its your parents! Or your spouse! One of you, at one point ,would freely tell these same people you didn't like something, didn't want something. Why is it different if it's something they give your child?

I still say be grateful for their gift, but if its silly or age inappropriate or just wtf, tell them! If its something your child enjoys, why worry? No one expects a gift will be around forever, but let your child enjoy it for a bit then donate it or whatever.

We are expecting our first child, and have told both of the soon-to-be grandparents that they should reign in their shopping. They know we have a small house and don't want clutter everywhere.
That said, if we can get them to buy the right kinds of things (clothes for the upcoming season, etc.), it would be a huge blessing since we'll be on a budget.
I have told both sets of grandparents that if they go overboard, they will be directly contributing to improving the life of a child in need instead of their grandchild. If it remains a problem, when our kids are old enough, we have a plan: let them open all of their gifts, and immediately choose half to go to kids in need. It will teach them to care of others, to be giving, and to be giving of good stuff, not just toys they're tired of playing with.

It may sound harsh to some, but based on the gift-giving we already experience, we can only imagine what will happen with grandkids. My MIL falls prey to the "it was a good deal" shopping, as evidenced by the year every set of adult children/spouses received a quesadilla maker for Christmas - ie a George Forman like contraption that grills the quesadilla and imprints it into wedges. For this home cook, there is no need for a special appliance to cook a quesadilla when I can do that in any saute pan or cast iron pan that I already own.

I think it can be rude to admonish people after they buy a gift if they were given no warning, but I was very, very clear with family before our first child was born about the kind of gifts we did not want to receive for her, and some people respect our wishes and others don't. I find the ones who buy the same junk time and again, after being nicely and clearly reminded *time and again*, are being pretty thoughtless and disrespectful, even if their intent is good. I'd just send it all immediately to goodwill (or to the local children's hospital, if unwrapped), but the problem is that sometimes my toddler/preschooler gets attached to it when she opens it, and then I'm irritated because I have to keep it, OR upset my daughter and be the bad guy and take it away--so unnecessary. Why do people insist on spending good money on crap they know we don't want?

I'm thinking no one is reading comments this far down, but here goes anyway. My husband and I have discussed this topic at length because for awhile my MIL was giving our son gifts everytime she saw him (sometimes a gift for each day she was visiting too). We never want either of our kids to greet their grandparents by saying, "What did you bring me?" so we really stressed to them that their presence was the present!
But don't get me started on Christmas....especially since our son's birthday is in December too. He has a gift hangover for weeks!

We are pregnant with our first, and I am anticipating this to be a problem with my mother in law, who is a compulsive shopper and hoarder. Its been bad enough with her constant stream of gifts to my husband, but I know it will get worse when baby arrives.

We live in NYC, and I refuse to allow my apartment to get cluttered with crap. Anyone who has a house with a basement or attic can handle this stuff to some extent, but us NYers don't have that luxury, so I have already have the Salvation Army pickup schedule memorized.

My mom loves to spoil my kids. I've followed suggestions above, such as setting a limit for number of gifts, reminding her our space is limited, and offering suggestions for what is needed. She still goes crazy with gifts. She says we can get rid of them, but it hurts her feelings when we do.

I usually wait for the heat of the moment to pass (sometimes several months) and then let her know my feelings. I have had to tell her several times that by giving huge or numerous presents that she robs me of some of MY joy in giving gifts. It's no fun to put thought and money into a present for your kid, just to have go unnoticed because he has gift fatigue.

I've also expressed to her why she should not give us more of the same type of gifts: "You know we love books, but when you give us magnet books, or books with puzzle pieces, they are quickly lost. Why don't we save those types of books until he's older?"

We learned early to ask the grandparents to gift zoo or children's museum memberships (which were on the expensive side for us to do every year), or dance classes/summer camps/sports clinics/mom & tot music classes or whatever they were into at the time. Babies and toddlers could care less about whether or not they are opening presents, but as our kids got older and they wanted to open something the grandparents would gift small things with the aforementioned items (kept everyone happy). Luckily our kids all love to read so books have always been on our lists. And until your kids hate getting clothes for gifts... I've always been able to sell the grandparents on getting those items. My kids are 11, 9 & 6 and this has worked great since our oldest was a baby.

Another option is to encourage the grandparents to buy the items that your kids use up--arts & crafts supplies. They can buy to their hearts content, lots of things to wrap & unwrap, it isn't just another piece of plastic in your house and you know your kids will use it up... win-win.

Just be clear with your family about why you are asking them to limit gifting or why you feel strongly about what you want in your house. If you come from a sincere and non-judgmental place everyone should be able to walk away from the conversation happy.

My parents are fantastic about asking what my daughter needs, and my in-laws are on another continent which keeps them to small items anyway. I've just explained that our house is VERY small and apparently frightened all my other friends and family into submission. I totally did not mean to do this, but I had someone give me flowers after the birth and explain that they were the only Canadian grown flowers she could by in February. Don't remember ever ranting about flowers...

We ask for intangibles (memberships, league fees, lessons). With a modest single income, such gifts helps our kids participate in things we would have difficulty affording on our own.

Well, I'm a toymaker so people are used to me talking about my passion for hand crafted, open ended sustainable toys. I share recall info, information on toxins too. I've been at it 18 years now. (kids range from 3 to 18) and as a result of my sharing this info without outright banning the purchase of the things I can't abide by (licensed characters, media besides music, most plastics, battery operated toys) the gifts we get generally fall into the acceptable category, or they ask. When asked I always try to provide an accessible list from stores they are familiar with, and we ask for their time and experiences if that's easy for them to accommodate. In the early days my rule was more about decluttering and as soon as we ran out of space my children had to make decisions about one in, one out.

I am so fortunate. One set of grandparents always gets her a $500 savings bond on every birthday and Christmas, and the other always asks what she would like. I was so surprised when her birthday hit that all of her toys were not just appropriate, but well thought of by all family and friends: wooden ride-ons, crafts, clothes, pretend play.

It was nice for people to really put some thought into the gifts given.

My mother-in-law welcomed our newborn daughter at our one-bedroom apartment with a porcelain tea set and an enormous Mickey Mouse snowglobe. I said thanks and both remained in a closet for awhile until I gave them to Goodwill. I try to stop both of them (my mom is a little more respectful of my wishes though she tends to get the biggest gifts she can find) but I think you've got to put your foot down. Especially you abbygraykit! You're a grown-up. You shouldn't have to decorate your house with things you don't want in it.

you bunch of grinches I would LOVE to have just one grandparent that was an over gifter. be blessed that this is a "problem" for you.

My mother in law as a dime store scatter gun approach to gifting for every monthly visit. I let them say for as long as they are played with then promptly return it to goodwill.

I do appreciate her thought, but I also don't want my children to be (more) over indulged and am also trying to fight pointless clutter.

In the case of OTT collections we certainly have that in Thomas trains, but he dearly loves them so I'm OK with it. As he grows I'll give him the option of selling them to fund whatever he's desiring when he outgrows trains.

Obviously via the majority of comments this "over gifting" is a problem that we should remember when we become grandparents.

I would much rather spend time actively playing with my children than spending that time cleaning up countless, transient toys that have been cluttering up my home. My MIL usually brings our 3 kids something every time she comes over. My husband and I have lovingly asked her to limit the toys and clothing, we've expressed that we are trying to adhere to the philosophy of "simplicity parenting" (a less-is-more kind of approach). We've asked that when she feels the urge to purchase something that is on sale or a deal, or made in China, to keep that money in her pocket or deposit it into our children's savings accounts. The problem still exists. It's been 6 years. My husband and I understand why it happens; my MIL has a deep relationship to my SIL & her kids and is trying to make up for that by replacing our kid's "grandma time" with toys. We just don't know how we can communicate any more clearly without hurting my MIL and creating a dent in our relationship. My father in law suggested to simply say, "thank you", accept the gifts and donate them without telling my MIL. This has been our approach but I'll be honest with you, it's hard to keep up with our own mess, and add to that the extra items that are coming in via my MIL makes it overwhelming.

A friend of mine suggested this and I've been toying with implementing it in our family (though neither set of parents has been an issue):

If you subscribe to the Christian faith, a good way to do Christmas is to have three gifts per child--representing the three gifts that the wise men brought to Jesus.
You could do something similar with relatives and explain the meaning behind it/reasoning behind it.
Teaches a good lesson while also keeping the gifts to a minimum.

I have to agree with whoever said it up there though (and maybe this is just my personality but..), some of you really just need to put your foot down. It's your house, it's your kid--decorate it how you will and don't let your crazy mother re-dress your child. End of story. If your mother is still running your life, you probably have more problems to deal with than overgifting...

I am an uncle and reading these comments I guess me & my parents are over gifters. I don't have kids (and spend a lot of time with my niece and nephew). At Christmas time my parents and I kids the kids between 10/15 gifts. Now I make them shirts (something I do), I give them things that they can create (something to paint, build etc.), several books (I wrap like 2/3 in one package & count as one gift), pretend play, then some fun toys. I don't ever give them something inappropriate (like guns or stuff) usually I pick a theme for the year. One year it was geo-trax (which they have a lot of pieces through theyears but have play with the trains for 6 years, one year legos, another year hot wheels (cars not so much the big play pieces) or some American Girl accessories. My sister-in-laws family gets together around New Years and they do one gift per person. My family just never did that - it wasn't our thing. But my parents keep most toys at their house and then the kids take home the clothes,books and a couple toys. We always inform my brother what we are getting, ask if we are too overboard but never been told we were. If I was told to scale it down I would. I think I actually know the kids quite well and don't ever buy stuff they only place with once - they generally like the stuff and keep playing with it for a couple years. I actually have a couple things in the closet I didn't end up wrapping still cause I knew I needed to scale back. I waited to give the light sabers I knew my niece wanted (ever since two little boys at the park let her play with theirs) until a spring day where we got to go outside a play with them. I also don't want to outshine their parents gifts for Christmas, that's why I always ask my brother if this or that is okay - but you know what I remember being a kid and getting pretty great gifts from my grandparents for Christmas and never thought less of my parents
Now Birthdays my parents and I go in on gifts together too - we've done a AG doll w/ some clothes (because she needs a change of clothes) for my niece and I know the other grandparents didn't go all out - but that's not them, they'll do other stuff during the year like go camping (which costs a lot of money, while we'll just go to the local park with water fountains or the free zoo).
I do buy clothes and books throughout the year. I don't think you can ever have too many books (and I get them at good prices). I have heard my sister-in-law say oh more books, but she has a bookcase at home of her books that is huge, so I don't see a problem with getting books. I'll pick up clothes at this kids consignment sale I go to, or get a good deal at a store (jeans,shirts,skirts) and spread them out throughout the year. Now I think that is nice and actually helping cause it can get expensive dressing kids. I also think a child should be dressed nicely for school. It doesn't have to be brand names - just look put together. I know my sister-in-law has given away some dresses I bought to her nieces (who have tons of dresses) because she never wore dresses as a kid. That bothered me some cause I know my niece likes to wear them sometimes ("oh this is pretty" or "I love how this twirls") but her mother doesn't think she needs to wear them. So I've stopped buying dresses (bought a skirt and tights recently to go with a boys Star Wars tshirt - maybe that will be a good compromise).
I don't buy things that will just be junk - I try to buy with thoughtfulness. I know not to get giant sized gifts. I also know that stuff can be at my house,my parents since the kids spend time with us. I'm always buying stuff to paint with, new markers,colored pencils but I have a craft room that we use when they are here (we always do crafts).
I know that things aren't important, but their kids and kids like playing with toys, but I do try to balance that out with crafts.
I guess if I was ever told to stop, I would. I do buy books and comics every week that I keep at the house so they have something new to read every time they come over. Yeah, over gifter here. But I don't do it to undermine the parents - I just love those kids so much.
I will say this, I knew my nephew was going to his first baseball game and found a team jersey at a garage sale for $1 - I gave it to my brother to give to my nephew. I wish I would of gotten a phone call saying thanks. He didn't wear it, the kids parents whose birthday it was gave the kids tshirts to wear - which is cool I just got it cause it was an amazing price and maybe after the game he'd be interested in baseball. I also got a camping book for kids this summer cause I know my sister-in-law likes camping and they go with the other grandparents - I thought it was being thoughtful, but again no thank you.
But I do try to make the kids aware that they can't get everything. They have a piggy bank at my house and they wanted some track pieces for a toy they had gotten for Christmas. We counted out what was in the bank, set some aside for charity and then they used their money (plus $3 from uncle) to buy the track.
Maybe I'm bad, but love those kids. I found a foosball table at a garage sale recently for cheap ($10), knew the kids would love it so I bought it. It's at my house and they love to play with it when they are over. I don't know maybe it's bad but it's something fun that if they ever get bored with it I'll give away. We play a lot at parks over the summer and out in the snow in the winter - I think it's a good balance. I just know that I don't have kids and probably never will, so I enjoy seeing their joy. My parents only have two grandkids - I don't think we spoil them cause I do say well we can't get that we don't need it. And we also go through the toys at my house, my parents and sell/give away what they don't want/use anymore.
Hmmm, just my thoughts

We're vicitims of "it was only a $1" too! I don't think it's rude at all to have rules, and let people know about them. Having rules or saying "no thank you" does not equal being ungrateful, sanctimonious, or living in a bubble. When our kids are teens, we will let them have wine with us, if we are having it anyway. We won't allow them to have it with anyone else. It's a big thing for us, and for where we live. Now, someone else might do it differently, but would anyone read this comment and immediately say, "oh you are so sanctimonious and living in a bubble"? No, because most people have the sense to see that alcohol consumption is a big, important deal.
Toys can be too. Especially if your kids are in danger of drowning in cheap, dangerous toys from people who aren't shopping because they just feel a strong urge to buy something for the kids they love. They are shopping because something's cheap, they need to fill their time, they can't help themselves, they're still obsessed with quantity over quality. I have 0 problems treating those adults like...adults. Grownups should be able to take it when you explain (ahead of time) that your kids can't have anymore Dora the Explorer made-in-Chine jewelry because you just got your 20th email about a recall for lead content in the last six months. And if they can't take it, well, it's not me that's in the wrong. Unless gramps is suffering from Alzheimer's or some other debilitating condition, he's not going through a second childhood alongside his grandkids. Treating him like an adult is not wrong.

OTOH, if you have crazy people (I don't mean Alzheimer's sufferers, I mean sociopaths) in your family, I support whatever underhanded, secretive lengths you must go to in order to avoid social explosions with people who don't understand boundaries and self-control.

I thought this would be a problem when we were pregnant with our first - the first grandson even - and we thought the grandparents would be overly generous and we would have to have a "talk." It turned out not to be a problem because the grandparents simply aren't interested in spending time with him, much less trying to find out what he's interested in.

They spend more on their 18 and 22 year old granddaughters - taking them for a 2-week trip to Paris (no joke), Hawaii and Disneyland. Our now 4yo son is lucky to see them 2x a year (birthday and Christmas) even though they live only an hour and a half away.

I'd rather have the interested grandparents, even the ones that give too many gifts or ones that are for older kids, then have my son forge a relationship solely on the phone.

When I was a child, my favorite gifts from my grandparents were my own pair of scissors, a stack of pink paper and a roll of quarters. It might be worth reminding our relatives that it doesn't take much to excite a child.

donnyc - you are a great uncle! It's lovely to hear someone so involved with their nieces and nephews, but I'm sorry

donnyc - what a great uncle you are! However, you can't really take offense when the parents forget to say thank you. Since you are such a prolific gift giver, I bet the parents have a case of "thank you fatigue". I know I would.

As a mother of four myself, I can tell you that it gets a bit crazy making a special point of thanking specific people for specific things, especially when my kids are lucky enough to receive so much from loving grandparents. Not that we are not grateful, just that it's hard to muster up so much enthusiasm to thank someone for yet *another* well-intentioned gift that actually isn't really of any use. Especially when the thanks that is desired by the giver is not a simple "thank you" from the kids upon receipt, but a special phone call/letter/email from the parents detailing the exact level of thankfulness and gushing details of the gift's usefulness.

Its usually my in-laws-because they don't buy things my son NEEDS, its usually a toy when we come visit, or she comes to babysit for us. I know my husband was a little hellion growing up, and I don't want her to think its OK just because she did that with her son, or that because she's the "Grandma" that its fine, either. I let her know that its not his birthday, its not Christmas, he doesn't need it. Making sure you voice your opinion, and maybe saying what your kids really need is new shoes instead of a new toy can help. I also think saying this can be a "Grandma and Grandpa's house toy" and leave it there will sometimes work. Then its a little more special when kids go to visit the Grandparents, and they have toys that are different than what they have at home.

I come from a family of overgifters, and I'd like to encourage the grinchiness. Overgifting isn't generosity, it's overcompensation, and making your kids uncomfortable doesn't teach your grandkids gratitude--it teaches them that Grandma doesn't care if she makes the holidays awkward.

Besides, remember that rule about decorating, that if you put all your tchotchkes on the mantle, the special items don't stand out? Flood a kid with presents and you spread the You-ness of the gift-giving around to twenty items. Nothing gets to be special; it's all equally devalued into a Pile o' Stuff. But one thoughtful present, even if it's so wrong ("Wow, this is...quite a sweater..."), shows you really thought about it and weren't just buying crap in hopes that SOMETHING would impress. The one fugly sweater will stand out, while the million-and-one plastic gadgets will be forgotten.

(Accidentally) letting the grandparents find the brand new products in the good will bag did it for us!

Grandparents are always generous,but my husband and I try to balance our gift-giving,we buy clothes,take our grandson out on field-trips,give :giftcards for haircuts clothes and amusements,toiletries,bedding,family-friendly restaurants and toys,of course!Its all about creating a happy,wholesome relationship with your family and respecting values....

My two children have four living grandparents and have received five gifts total in the past 2.5 years. All five were for my eldest son. For his second birthday, none of the grandparents gave him a birthday gift, though. I have no idea why. My husband's parents even came to his birthday party and didn't bring a gift... it was just weird, so I didn't say anything!

None of them are "gift givers" at all. So over gifting is not a problem I will ever have :(

For me it was sweaters and socks. Year after year, birthdays and Christmas consisted of sweaters and socks. BLAH. Gotta love em though!

This very predicament was part of the inspiration behind starting SocialGift.com Get family and friends to chip in so you can give bigger, better, more meaningful gifts.

My sister-in-law established a policy of "what grandma buys stays at grandma's house" for her mother, and ruthlessly donated gifts that exceeded her storage capacity. I am eternally grateful that she laid down the law!

Blueophelia, the struggle to find something special in a tidal wave of plastic is exactly our problem. The thing is, the gift issue (especially presents or overwrought and expensive "collectibles") was an issue well before we ever had our son. To top things off, we know they can't afford to spend what they do, so their generosity is overshadowed by the worry about their financial health. There's also the question of what you're teaching your kids. I'm willing to take home a few plastic Chinese/noisy/Elmo toys for the sake of harmony. But it's harder to explain what mass quantities of gifts teaches children about what matters (especially around the holidays). We basically have to deprogram him after each visit.

We have done a lot of the things people have suggested, like requesting an annual membership to our local science museum (it doesn't stem the tide); asking for magazine subscriptions (the first year they signed our three-year-old for SEVEN different publications, many of them for much older kids); and Amazon wish lists, which sometimes help and sometimes don't. For example, last year we decided that since our kid really wanted a pillow pet, the grands could get him one. They bought four. Plus the matching blankets. Thanks goodness they ran it by us on Christmas Eve; three went back.

Some commenters have said they wish they had "special" things from their grandparents and I want our son to have those things, too. The plastic gizmos won't last that long. Now that he's getting old enough to ask for something specific (i.e., a large Lego set or two), we're hoping they can focus on getting that but there's always the fear he won't get what he really wants. Sigh. It's September, I guess it's time to make an Amazon wish list for this Christmas...

I say thank you, the kids always get a couple of days to weeks to play with said toy if they wish, and we weed out regularly to keep things manageable. Some stuff is kept longer, some shorter, but they all get a chance to prove their mettle in our house--with both kids and adults. I donate stuff (or send it to live at grandpas) that the kids love but I despise because it fosters bickering, or makes too much ruckus, or is too boisterous for a small apartment with no outdoor space.

Oh, and by doing this, grandparents have noticed all on their own what the kids gravitate towards and play with most often, what they bring along with them when we travel, what's best loved. They're pretty good about buying good stuff. And the kids are good at donating items too. (I send outdoor-appropriate toys to live at relatives who have yards and we visit every month, not things that foster bickering, just to be clear!)

I have tried... my mom is the biggest offender! So we built a playroom in the basement of our co-op for all the kids in our building, and now I pass the toys on to that area where we can 'visit' them from time to time!

Gripes for too many gifts, gripes for not enough gifts. Just be thankful and realize it's done out of love. Get rid of it if it's too much. The end.

We give a list of suggestions to grandparents/aunts and uncles that stresses experiences like special days with the relative, memberships to zoos/museums and books. But also give toy suggestions. Who doesn't love giving toys?! The list just *happens* to be toys that aren't plastic or require batteries and that I would be happy to have in my home. They are free to go off the list, but generally they are happy to have a list of ideas to go off of.

Because the grandparents give so much, we cut back on the presents we give. Four from us: something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read. Santa brings one large fun gift and fills the stocking. This allows us to gladly accept any presents give by grandparents.

ONLY 14 gifts. I wish!!!! Each person in my immediate family (4 people) got between 20 - 50 gifts varying in size and cost. My husband and I are also expecting twins in about 4 months. We CANNOT use, nor do we WANT all of these "gifts". Most of them are a nusense and we end up getting rid of at least 3/4 of all of the gifts. We also have only 1 person open their MOUND of gifts at a time so everyone can see what they got. This last Christmas (with only 8 people) took about 3.5 HOURS to open the gifts. I know they mean well, but it is frustrating. My mother and I both told them immediately after we opened the presents that there were WAY TOO MANY gifts. They just shrugged it off and said, "You know we buy presents all year for you guys. When we see something we know you will like, we buy it." I just don't know what to do. I have been considering just telling them that we have to get rid of the majority of the items they give us because we cannot possibly store all of these items. The problem is that I don't want to hurt their feelings or make them angry.