This amuses me, because at my Thanksgiving, the concession I'll make is making turkey! Everyone attending except my fiance's father is vegetarian, so we agreed to make a small turkey breast even though it's against our beliefs and traditions.

But secretly, I think our faux duck from May Wah in NYC will taste even better. :)

Does spending more time de-dandering my apartment for my cat-allergic friend count? He's a dream about the food otherwise!

As a vegan myself, my suggestion is to make it a potluck. Then you know your guest's will have at least one dish that they can eat. And you can relax a bit.

Some tips:
- don't butter the veggies (offer earth balance for the vegan)
- use almond milk in place of soy milk in recipes this covers the vegan, dairy-free, and soy-free folks.
- make a mushroom gravy
- roast squash, purple potatoes with Brussels sprouts, is a main dish that everyone will enjoy.
- make garlic mash-potatoes; use olive oil for the fat and almond milk for the cream.
- baked apples or pears are desert that everyone can enjoy

You'll probably have to make a number of side dishes, but make sure each one accommodates at least three of the mentioned diets.

I'd recommend a lentil loaf, sides of quinoa (friendly for all!), and mounds of roast vegetables.

And please don't think of it as a "sacrifice." You've freely invited these people and offered to host their thanksgiving. These minor restrictions will ensure a truly creative thanksgiving meal!

ps: if you have time, it would be helpful to list all the ingredients of each dish on decorative cards, so everyone know what they are eating, and you aren't constantly pointing out what is vegan/soy-free etc.

I had a few family members complain when I told them that I was going to try new recipes. The suggestion of a different type of pumpkin pie almost started a civil war. My solution? Head to costco the day before to buy them their "traditional" pie, and then make whatever I want :)

One word: Potluck.

Kale has some great suggestions. Almond milk goes a long way, and is milkier (and, in my opinion) much better tasting that soy milk.

A pot luck is a great idea - I'm attending a vegan and "gluten-free-friendly" one this weekend and will be making my own cream of mushroom soup for the green bean casserole, a modified sweet potato and mallow pie, and some stuffing with lentils, quinoa and extra veggies.

This is just my opinion, but as *I'm* the one normally causing the dietary-needs stress at dinners, I normally tell my hosts to look at it this way; do you truly love to eat everything people serve at holiday dinners? Isn't there a kind of dish say, apple pie, that just doesn't do it for you? Do you feel hurt that other people are eating the apple? No! You just help yourself to some more of the pumpkin you brought that those crazy apple-lovers have passed by.

Same thing for me, basically; I don't need to be able to eat everything on the table. I will (of course :) ) bring something I can and like to eat. I'm glad when there are other things I can chow down on, and if there are more options, I'll be grateful, but don't put yourself out! I'd rather have fewer options and a happier host than end up being your holiday burden.

"One word: Potluck."

Exactly - That or "Reservations"

I mean how many Vegan, GF, Soy-Free, Dairy free, Peanut-free things are there to eat besides fruit cocktail, plain oatmeal and boiled potatoes?

Not to really offend anyone, but I'll only make changes for those who are actually allergic to a particular food (like me and raisins) or it's completely against their religion (no pork for the Muslim friend). If it's just self-inflicted, the person can't expect you to make a total meal to their satisfaction.

Potluck is probably the best choice instead of driving yourself crazy trying to make something that fits every single person. Make enough things that should be fine by everyone (steamed veggies for example) and people can just not eat what they decide not to.

I must be unique - I don't know any vegetarians or vegans. I know people who are allergic to certain things, but all of us are carnivores. Bring on the turkey and ham!

@bepsf oatmeal is not GF. ;)

A vegan and a soy allergy. That's a hard combo! Kale has great suggestions. In general, there are a lot substitutions available out there that will allow you to make "friendly" versions of your traditional fare, whether it's flower type, oils, or alternate milks. We're lucky that we can rely on a quick internet search for recipes these days. There is a way to prepare most veggies that won't bother anyone, and a fruit pie with a gluten-free crust could easily be good for everyone. Then, all you need is some gluten-free rolls, and either something for the vegan while the rest of you have turkey, or some kind of veggie-based main item.

@ChrisGal, what makes a person's religion less of a personal choice than their veganism or vegitarianism? Their beliefs about their diet might even be stronger than their religious beliefs. While I agree that you can't please everyone, and people can hardly expect to go into the home of someone who doesn't have the same restrictions and be able to eat everything, it is still appropriate to expect that some kind of provision will be made for them, given that they notified the host of their needs. It really isn't ok to just blow off your guests' dietary choices just because they don't "have" to eat like that.

It's interesting to see people's responses to this question! I hosted a cookout for about 40 people this summer where the guests included a vegan, a non-red-meat-eater, and people with allergies to dairy, eggs, gluten, chocolate, citrus, all nuts, lettuce, beef, and peaches, as well as some VERY picky kids! It was definitely somewhat stressful trying to accommodate all of this, and I imagine it would be even more so for Thanksgiving with somewhat expected traditional components.

I just tried to make sure that everyone had a few dishes that they could/would eat, but almost every dish had some people could/would not eat it, as well.

I did make a quinoa dish that was allergy friendly for all. For a few dishes, I simply kept aside a portion excluding one or more ingredients (like cheese or nuts) to make it work for someone.

Oh yeah, and last Thanksgiving I made very, very low/no fat versions of every.single.dish for my mom who is not allowed to eat much fat. So, I feel your pain. It does take extra planning and effort, but I'm sure it will really be appreciated by your guests.

I do wonder, though...how far do we have to go as more and more people have allergies?

I'm in the minority I guess. I'll omit meat for vegetarians, but for formal holiday meals I'll make what I'm making and if you can't (or won't) eat it, you go hungry. (It's also a good thing I don't have any friends with any food/dietary restrictions). Good luck.

As someone with severe nut allergies, I would never ask anyone to make me a nut-free dish, but I would just eat the dishes that are nut-free.

It sounds like you're running an infirmary kitchen.

I'd say potluck or stay home and cook your own special meal devoid of the things that everyone else so dearly loves.

It's selfish of an individual to expect that everyone else will be happy to accomodate an allergy that is probably psycho-somatic anyway.

Jeez, I guess the holidays bring out the best in everyone . . .
I have celiac disease just like 1 in 130 or so other people in the world. We'd all love to eat bread and gravy made with wheat flour, but we can't. It makes us violently ill. I don't expect anyone to do anything special for me - but when a friend makes something with me in mind, I surely do appreciate it.

For the vegan- maybe make a lentil stew or lentil loaf ahead of time, so you don't have to make it the day of. Stews are usually better the next day anyway. They can eat lentil stew, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, yams, salad, green vegetables, and dessert- a veritable feast!

For the person with the peanut allergy, make sure they aren't allergic to any other nuts. It may be best to not have nuts in any of the dishes.

I think some of the suggestions have been great. But personally, I would veer away from the "traditional" dishes that are laden with dairy, eggs, etc.--I always think "mock" and "faux" food items (sorry, vegan margarine), taste just that way.

Why not just stick with the olive oil and straightforward, ingredient-forward recipes to make a meal that doesn't rely on these things? Here's an autumn menu I've made before that would fit the bill:
-Crostini with white bean, lemon zest and rosemary dip
-Pumpkin or squash soup (with coconut milk and ginger, or a spicy one made with veg stock and topped with pumpkin seeds)
-Big green salad with walnuts or hazelnuts and cranberries
-Roasted root veggies
-Polenta made with plenty of olive oil and with corn and/or roasted chiles mixed in
-Meat for those of you who want it
-Pears poached in red wine and star anise with creme fraiche or ice cream on the side for those who can eat it

There are a lot of dietary restrictions to contend with, but you can make a turkey that everyone except the vegan can eat, and you can find recipes for side dishes and desserts that should meet everyone else's restrictions.

Besides for food allergies, personal beliefs, and religious beliefs, there are also people with celiac disease, diabetes, other medical conditions, or who are on diets for their health. Since Thanksgiving dinner usually has a lot of side dishes, everyone should be able to find something to eat!

My husband is completely starch-free because he has some pretty serious inflammation issues, but he's indicated that he's probably going to partake on Thanksgiving (this will be the first turkey day on the diet). I don't think his southern grandmother would be very receptive to altering her traditional recipes, so he'd basically be eating a lot of turkey otherwise.

I'm going to bring a dessert from The Gluten-Free Almond Flour Cookbook so he can enjoy something sweet without worrying about how he'll feel later. I highly recommend the cookbook for people who are catering to others with dietary restrictions (or those cooking for themselves, obviously). All the recipes are gluten-free, many are completely starch-free, and a bunch are vegan. We've enjoyed some excellent recipes from there (though, of course, there were some flops too...).

http://www.amazon.com/Gluten-Free-Almond-Flour-Cookbook/dp/158761345X

As someone who now cooks starch-free all the time but not for myself, I have to say that I'd be pretty crushed if we couldn't have mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, etc on Thanksgiving because of his diet. If I were hosting I'd certainly make sure there were some dishes just for him, but I wouldn't be willing to toss out all of the traditional stuff just because he couldn't eat it. I'm sure I'm not the only one who craves the most traditional food on this particular holiday!

In your intro to this post you lump together "fussy and difficult" guests with people who have "special dietary needs." These are not the same thing. People who have no food allergies often perceive those of us who do as "fussy and difficult." I would flip that around and say that people who are unwilling or unable to consider the needs of their their friends and relatives with health problems (or strong food-related commitments like veganism for that matter) the ones who might be considered "fussy and difficult."

I appreciate all of the creative and positive responses posted here. I would add that if you can't find some way to accommodate or consider the needs of your loved ones, don't host Thanksgiving at your house.

Wow! No wonder so many of us have issues with the holidays. I was once accused of ruining Thanksgiving because I brought a Boudin stuffed turkey breast and fresh green bean casserole instead of the old standards. That said...great ideas kale, wonderful menu lotusmoss, and sucky attitude pyrexmaniac. I hope for your sake, you never develop a chronic illness, severe allergy or worse.

Great arguments for simple fresh food with little embellishment.

My solution to this problem would be to not exclude every ingredient, but to make sure I was providing at least 1 or 2 dishes that accommodated every dietary variant, to publish the menu to my guests ahead of time, and to invite everyone to bring one favourite dish that was in line with their dietary requirements in order to educate the rest of us on what's possible for gluten-free, etc, etc for future hosting opportunities.

I think the stew idea for the vegan is a good idea (certain beans provide protein). Also for dessert, you could do a build your own sundae: ice cream, non-dairy ice cream, fruit, etc, etc. People can pick and choose.

Make sure that every person can eat at least three different things---and then all share in a hard cider toast to friends that can get together and enjoy each other's company. :)

I eat vegetarian. If I am going to anyone's house, I expect that I might only be able to eat bread, salad, etc. I would never ask someone to change what they are making to accommodate me.

If anything, I will ask ahead what is being served and bring something for myself if i feel it is necessary (like, I'll bring smart dogs to a bbq). Another example: if my aunt makes meat sauce at Christmas to serve with ravioli, I'll ask ahead if she can leave a few ravioli on the side without the gravy.

But insisting that the entire meal be changed so that everyone is suddenly eating as per the most restricted eater is just silly. Anyone with specific dietary requirements, whether by choice, religion, allergy, etc, should be taking most of the responsibility for themselves.

All I can think about now is wishing I were invited to Lotusmoss' house for T dinner. Your menu is exquisite.

In general, for the mixed group of "raw only/picky/allergic/ethics/politics/eating disorder/doctor's orders", the only sane answer is POTLUCK. Or meet in a restaurant.

I dont think I've used peanuts or soy in any thanksgiving dish I've ever made, so neither of those seems like a big deal... I've found that even though most people use a roux for gravy, im rather satisfied with grandma's standby of flour and water, I'd imagine using a rice flour would be fine too.. it seems like the only real accommodation needed would be to set aside a few portions of the dishes you usually make with butter (potatoes/stuffing) and use olive oil instead for your vegan/dairy free friends.
I am definitely happy to make accommodations for my friends with legit dietary needs, but I honestly feel like in the past 10 years or so, people have started to claim "food allergies" for every ingredient they dont particularly care for; and have started being a little more vocal about making sure people bring their own dishes if the list of restrictions starts to get ridiculous.

Cook what you want and tell your friends to bring their epi-pens, antihistamines and medical info just in case you they need to make a quick trip to the ER for dessert. ;)

-I'm kidding. Potluck is the only way to go in this situation.

agreed - potluck. it's a holiday, not a job!

Ask them to bring their own and provide loads of booze to wash it down.

Gaidig - I second your response to ChrisGal. Personal beliefs, especially within a group of family and friends, should all be respected regardless of a religious or ethical origin.

coordinated potluck is the only way to do this sanely.

@talby - potato flour or potato starch is the best gluten free replacement for wheat flour when thickening gravy, or anything else for that matter. I started using it for fruit pies long before I had to go gf. It's yummy!

Gaidig-- People's religion is far less a personal choice than vegetarianism.

The vast majority of followers of the old religions have passively inherited the religion from their parents. Vegetarianism is a newer religion that most people actively join.

@Gaidig

Way too many people are claiming every single little thing is going set them off any more. I'm only going to respect those who can't for a religious reason or food allergy - though I do try to respect vegetarians as well. You can't expect a host to alter every single recipe because such-and-such foods are just not okay for you this year since it's not the fad - if you are that picky, stay home. I like to do lots of sides (plus ask people to bring one dish), so usually everyone can still have plenty of food and if a person didn't, it's going to be because they personally just won't eat something, not that they can't.

I'm not big on alcohol and I cannot drink (as in a medication I take does not mix well) - but I'm not going to scorn and lecture a host because they chose to serve some wine with dinner. If I know this is going to be the case I'll bring some non-alcoholic form of wine or some sparkling cider - if I didn't know beforehand, I'm perfectly fine drinking water.

Honestly, I have an acquaintance who's wife is "one of those." Allergic to everything, and militant about the menu (for the entire group) fitting her every need.
I made a cheesecake for her lactose-intolerant ass at the last big event I hosted. She was giving me an ulcer.

I'm hoping that your circumstances are that you like these people, and you don't want them to get sick because of your food. I'm all for the potluck idea, that or knowing that Thanksgiving is a holiday with a LOT of side dishes. So make a lot.
Steamed veggies.
Mashed potatoes.
Wild rice stuffing for the turkey.
Sweet potato pie with a gluten-free crust.
Not everybody has to eat everything, and when I've come up against people with dietary restrictions, they typically know what to avoid and aren't expecting to be pandered to. (Why'd I have to get the ONE!?) For example, my grandparents have hosted Thanksgiving pretty much every year. We always have butter on hand, ranch dressing, a glass of milk if you want it - and my grandpa's lactose intolerant. And now, diabetic. He'd rather see everybody happy with what they're eating than impose his own dietary restrictions on others. And I love him for it.

Potluck. I would never attempt to accommodate all of that!

I don't do zee gluten, so whenever I am invited to eat somewhere I always prepare a few dishes for myself.

I don't expect people to put forth the time and effort to understand what I can/ can't eat, what is safe, what isn't and why. Plus, cross contamination is always a fear. No one wants to ruin a party by spending the evening in the bathroom. NO FUN.

I have to chime in again:

I really don't understand the logic of inviting someone to your home for a meal, but not wanting or even willing to accommodate their food allergies/dietary restrictions. It's insulting to your guest.

It's a bit more work, but be a true host/hostess and take the time to craft meals that your guests can enjoy. These are your friends and family, right? Show some consideration, thoughtfulness, and love!

"We all have that one fussy relative, friend, or guest that needs special treatment."

This was the most offensive thing I've ever read here. Someone with an allergy, or a conscience- or religiously-restricted diet is not "fussy."

I hope you do INVITE them to bring their own dish, since clearly you're not interested in accommodating these so-called friends. Do they know how you think of them?

My son has lots of food allergies. I wanted to make it easier for everyone to eat the same foods together, including at Thanksgiving, so I created HomeFree. We have a baking cookbook with lots of allergen free Thanksgiving recipes, and you can find our cookies in lots of stores. Now you easily can serve HomeFree cookies and every one of your guests, including those with special diets, can eat the same dessert! And yes, they taste great.
Jill at www.homefreetreats.com

I don't think the author intended to imply that allergic guests were the same as fussy guests (though the phrasing does imply as much), though from the perspective of trying to prepare a meal that will be enjoyed by all, one can present the same difficulties as the other.

Personally, if I care enough to invite someone over I hope to accommodate their tastes *and* their medical or personal dietary restrictions. So Mr. Hates ______ and Ms. Cannot Eat ______ both require and deserve consideration, else why invite them? I agree with those who suggest having a few dishes that each person can enjoy, but not to worry that every person will be able to eat every item. That's all reasonable people expect, and unreasonable people can benefit from the experience of not getting their own way.

A few posters here seem to imply that THEIR food preferences rule when they play host. Fine, as long as their guests know that and can say "no thanks" to the invitations. Obviously to some people, their recipes are more important than the people they ostensibly prepare them for.

Vegetarianism can be a choice for health reasons -- vegetarians live longer than omnivores. And are typically thinner. I'm thinking of converting myself... It's rude and hostile to criticize a choice like this just because you don't agree with it, or assume it's for some arbitrary reason. It's childish to suggest that they should "man up" and eat the meat they are given.

If you invite people over for a meal, you are promising to feed them food they can eat. (Potlucks are an end run around this idea, but even then, nobody should be stuck without a full meal.) If you are aware of people's food limitations, and you invite them, YOU are responsible for coping.

If it were me, I'd make sure there was NOTHING for anybody to eat that contained any possible cross-contamination anaphelactic level allergens. (I have a friend allergic to shrimp. If we grilled shrimp on the barbeque and a hot dog touched that spot, he'd have to go to the ER, and it COULD be fatal. Do I want to kill my friends? Not usually!!)

If the allergies are really mild, I would consider using the ingredients in small amounts and identifying the foods for the person who couldn't eat them. (I make a salad with walnuts. I could make a portion without them for my nut allergic friend, or just let them know to avoid it.)

I hate beets. It's not a real allergy, although I DID have hives from eating them once due to stress! So I pass on the beets when offered them. If there is another veggie, I eat that. Picky eaters are not the same as the allergic, but even they should be given choices.

Overall, I'd TRY for options that everybody could eat. It's not that hard. It might not be the "traditional" menu, but if that menu is All Important to you, then only invite people who feel that way too and you are golden.

Where on earth do you come up with the statistic about vegetarians living longer, SherryBinNH? Sounds dubious, especially since it's a fairly recent craze-- how could anyone come up with a longterm scientific sampling, since vegetarians were a rarity until about 30 years ago?

Some of these hosts' my-way-or-the-highway comments amaze me!

I don't eat meat. I would be red-faced with shame if I felt like my attitude as a guest in someone's home, or at a restaurant, was causing anyone any difficulty. I surely don't want to be a PITA guest at someone's home, and will go out of my way to minimize any attention to the choices I make at their buffet/dish passing, praise the food, and cheerfully join in in conversation (there's nothing more boring than talking about diet - let alone someone's idea of food politics!).

But! When I encounter the attitude of "well you just DECIDED you don't want to eat X so I can be cavalier about how you say you'd like to eat" I can't help but think:

I want to eat what I want to eat!

Not what *you* think I should eat.

I don't have an opinion of what you should be eating. Why do you have one about mine?

It doesn't matter the reason I have. So I choose not to lift meat up to my mouth, chew and swallow it. Simple!

But hey - you think my preferences as a guest shouldn't be indulged. Next thing people will want to decide whom they have sex with too! People are just too damn picky these days! Bad for the moral fiber of the nation! What about our precious bodily fluids!

If that many people had special dietary requirements I wouldn't have Thanksgiving.

My husband has a lot of allergies (wheat, soy, corn, chicken, garlic, mozzarella, tomato, brewer's yeast, malt, chocolate and pineapple), and while it's been a challenge learning to cook for him, I've really enjoyed it! It's forced me to learn my ingredients better because almost everything is cooked from scratch, and so I know what I substitute for what. While I do bring my favorite classic green bean casserole for Thanksgiving, I also plan to make a pumpkin pie and a cheesecake (both of which he loves) that he can eat. They should taste about the same as the store bought variety - probably better because they're homemade!

In other words, while it can be difficult to cook around dietary restrictions, it can also be a lot of fun - enjoy the challenge!

To the poster that claims allergies are probably phsychosomatic anyway: FUCK YOU. Seriously. I hope you never have to fear for your life, or the life of a loved one, because you didn't know there were pecans in the pie crust or some other innocuous thing.

As for accomodating such a variety of restrictions: definitely potluck. To make sure each group isn't just cooking for themselves, I'd assign dishes to them. E.g. the no-glutens cook for the vegans, the vegetarians cook for the no-nuts, etc.

I will bend over backward to accommodate allergies or medical dietary restrictions and make sure they have a full range of options to eat. In the case of allergies, I try to not serve anything with the allergen in it. I have a child with a life-threatening allergy and had close family members who were diabetic. For lifestyle choices and fussy eaters, I'm less willing to bend over backward, but I will try to make sure they have at least a few things (with at least one that they would consider an entree) that they could eat.

"It's selfish of an individual to expect that everyone else will be happy to accomodate an allergy that is probably psycho-somatic anyway."

Are you for real? This sort of idiotic thinking is exactly the thing that hurts people with serious allergies and medical conditions. It's really pretty appalling how many times relatives have tried to serve my 5 yr. old child desserts with tree nuts in them, even though they know a single nut sent him to the ER in an ambulance. Thank goodness the kid knows better than the adults. I've literally watched one aunt argue with my child, claiming there were no nuts in the cookies she tried to give him. Finally, she took a bite and admitted there were nuts. That was the second time that week she tried to give him nuts. And yes, she's the sort who doesn't believe allergies truly are harmful.

Actually, I worked with someone who claimed to be mortally allergic to peanuts, who apparently wasn't, and ate them on the sly.

He chronically windexed all keyboards before using, just in case they'd been used by someone with peanut residue on their hands. (He cost us hundreds of dollars in electronics replacement, as a result of his chronic windexing.)

Imagine our shock when we fished a wrapper from a nutrition bar he'd just eaten from the wastecan, and read that it contained.... peanuts!

I see Fiesta.

Dishes that people can "construct" themselves are helpful whether served buffet or family style. A green salad, with small bowls of walnuts, cranberries, soy nuts on the side or baked potatoes with butter, cheese, bacon or broccoli on the side are good choices.

I always offer a vegetarian dish just to be on the safe side as a good host. Eggplant with onions & peppers in a teriyaki sauce is a good choice as it can serve as a main dish for non-meat eaters or a side dish for the others.

Whatever you decide to serve, label each dish. You can get creative and make pretty cards with the name of the dish, then letters such as G(gluten-free), Vt (vegetarian) V (vegan), P (peanut-free), you get the idea. Then your guests will know exactly which dishes they can safely eat.

And have a good time.

First off, there are all sorts of annoying jerks who claim my wheat allergy is merely an "intolerance". Bull. The antibodies were present in a BLOOD TEST so anyone who thinks allergies are made up, STFU.

I was also a vegetarian for 20 years before the allergy made it much more difficult.

So for the author of this post, I say, please don't kill yourself trying to spare everyone. The 20 years I was a vegetarian I had very few friends or family make me a special dish. I was able to adapt.

Do whatever you have time for. If my host had tons of guests I wouldn't dream of expecting a special dish just for me. Unless it's potentially fatal like nuts, I think guests should be able to improvise with the food you worked so hard to make.

It never ceases to amaze me how so many people can take a general statement so personally. AMAZONWW, re-read my statement....it reads "probably." Do you know what that means, or are you still too pissy about taking a comment from a total stranger personally? Sheesh.

@Luvmypad - that's a *fantastic* idea. Good thinking outside the box on this one.