To a lucky few of you, the title of this post must seem insane. How could anyone not enjoy the holiday season, you ask. Parties, festive decor, good food, presents, time with family and friends — what's not to love? Unfortunately though, the holiday season can be fraught with anxiety, rising from extensive demands on our time, family tension and financial concerns, among others.
Personally, it's the sheer busyness of December that gets me down: my own holiday schedule includes a trans-Atlantic flight, a mean case of jetlag, two more inter-city flights, and ten days of rigidly scheduled events with family and friends, all while struggling with re-adaption to a climatic extreme that I traded in years ago, and apparently no longer have the ability to deal with (December in eastern Ontario: not for the faint of heart).
It's not that I don't look forward to December, but rather that when it's over, I feel a distinct need to lie down in a dark room for most of January. Whatever happened to just curling up on the sofa with Love, Actually and a bottle of red?
Luckily, I've developed a few tricks and coping mechanisms to ensure that I feel in control of my December, rather than controlled by it.
Schedule Everybody, Including Yourself
The holidays are always going to be busy. Between family (often multiple families), friends, shopping and work occasions, there's a lot going on, and none of us want to miss out. To make the most of your time, you need to schedule diligently, and early. Use email, use the phone, use Facebook events — but sort out the who-when-where as far in advance as you can. Once you've done this, inform your nearest and dearest so that they can work you into their busy lives, as well.
The trick to not feeling like your holiday is an endless series of meetings? Schedule time for yourself, too. I make a point to arrange a low-key breakfast at my favourite coffee shop with my parents, time to take a bath on Christmas Eve (yes, really) and an afternoon of baking with my sister. These low-key commitments keep me from burning out, and allow me to face the less relaxing ones with renewed vigor.
Reduce your Gift-Giving
Look, I think gifts are great. There's nothing like hunting down the perfect item for that special somebody, unless it's unwrapping something thoughtful and unexpected of your own. But with our consumer culture in overdrive, we can (and often do) take this too far. When the ideas of holiday shopping leaves you cold with dread, or you find yourself stocking up on gift cards just to avoid having one more thing to think about, it might be time to revisit your gift strategy.
Consider replacing gifts-for-all with a secret santa, introducing a spending limit, or even agreeing to have no gifts at all with a certain group of family or friends. It can be tricky to get everybody on board, but you might find that others in your circle are just as keen to scale back their spending as you are.
Respect Tradition, to an Extent
When I was younger I defined tradition quite loosely (basically, as "anything we've done once that I enjoyed, and would therefore like to do annually"), and was militant about upholding each and every one. Now that I'm older and wiser, I realize that changing lives and schedules not only make that impossible, but a downright nuisance.
Do I really need to go with my dad to pick out our Christmas tree every year, even though I only arrive in town days before Christmas, have a host of other events to attend (see tip #1) and it often means that we have to settle for a imperfect, already half-dry tree? No, I don't. Do I still want to decorate said tree with my family, while we listen to holiday music and drink tea? Most definitely.
Compromise and sacrifice aren't the most festive of words, but they're key here: when you're no longer looking forward to a certain tradition, it might be time to let it drop in favour of something you'd enjoy more.
So those are my thoughts on keeping the holidays in check. What advice do you have? Chime in below!
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The most profound word I've discovered has helped me enjoy the holidays immensely. The word is "No."
No, I will not come to your holiday party.
No, I will not buy gifts I can not afford.
No, I do not need all the material things to enjoy this season.
Slowing down, saying no, and doing less has made me a much happier person in December.
GOOD FOR YOU MRS.MOE!
My extended family has adapted rule #2 and it works great. I have a ton of cousins, which used to mean that my mom would have to buy a million presents for them for Christmas Eve, on top of the presents she would buy for my brother and to open Christmas Morning. Once everybody started getting older, we came up with the rule that once you turned 18, aunts and uncles wouldn't buy gifts for you anymore and you would bring one gift to join the other 18+ old cousins for a game of White Elephant. My younger brother (the baby of the family) was the last one to join our white elephant game last year and it's so much fun to do with all of the cousins. The "adults" gather around to watch us steal gifts and everyone has a great time. It's the best part about Christmas Eve now!
I'm constantly reminded why I dislike this entire season when I go to the mall or am just driving anywhere near a shopping center. People are rude, pushy, mean, selfish, drive like idiots, overuse their stupid horns for no reason etc. Then I'm like "oh yeah, I remember." So I just avoid all that by shopping online or shopping super early in the day.
My husband and I started to enjoy the holidays when we finally realized that we didn't HAVE to fly across the country to have a whirlwind overly scheduled visit with our families (also, coincidentally, in eastern Ontario).
The first year we begged off was really hard, and we were on the receiving end of a bit of guilt tripping, but man, that Christmas was the first year that we had a truly relaxing holiday. We slept in, entertained friends, had wonderful phone chats with our loved ones (many of whom confessed to us that they secretly thought we'd made a wise choice), had our own Christmas feast, took some much-needed time to be together, and made the first steps in creating our own traditions.
Years later, and now with kids, I'm so glad that we decided to redefine the holidays for ourselves, and that we figured out how to finally say no to the pressure to haul ourselves through overcrowded airports. We definitely value family, but I'd rather do our visits at other, more relaxing, times of the year, when we can all enjoy each others' company more. Sometimes a few family members will come and visit us during the holidays, which is always awesome, and I think they enjoy sharing the slow pace with which we celebrate.
As shocking as it might seem for some, I've dropped writing Christmas cards from my 'must-do' list. As nice as it is to receive a card in the post, most of my friends and family are on Facebook and I already know what's going on in their lives. It just feels like a formality that's no longer in synch with our lives. I failed to do it last year and I felt terrible until I realised that no one even noticed. This year, it was a conscious decision and I can't tell you how relieved I am that it's no longer a task that stresses me out! I also do all my shopping via the internet from mid November and by the first week in December, it's finished! Oh the relief! ;) They are all wrapped and under the tree already while my mates are still fighting the crowds! Works for me!
Another Canadian in the trans-Atlantic Christmas conundrum here. Like TammyE, I've stopped going home over the holidays; I'm a teacher so by the time I get off work flights are exorbitantly expensive. Instead we spend Christmas through to the New Year with my husband's family. I've learned to embrace their traditions and really enjoy the time spent with them.
With my family we always do a pre-Christmas with a dinner and a gift exchange whenever we're over so we still get to enjoy that time together. This year will be a little harder than in the past as we have a baby (and I know my mom is really missing her granddaughter and being able to be there for her first Christmas,) but this is way less stressful and cost effective for us. In future I want to incorporate some of my own ideas and create new traditions for the three of us but for now I really do enjoy the holidays at my inlaws!
I must be one of those lucky few who loves the holiday season, busyness and all! I fly from CA to TX each year with joy knowing that soon I will get to spend some much appreciated time with my crazy family. My parents are divorced, but live in the same city and so they shuttle me back and forth so that I get to join in on all the festivities with all sides of the family. And I LOVE it! My trick is making most of my gifts and shopping throughout the year for the rest so that by the time the winter season rolls around I'm almost always already done with gift shopping and just get to enjoy the season for what it is: a time of loving, caring, laughing and giving. Happy holidays!
Just remember these magazine perfect, Norman Rockwell Christmases aren't as common as you might think. When you don't have places to go, presents to buy, take in local Christmas concerts, drive/walk around and look at the lights, splurge on some foods, drinks you normally wouldn't buy for yourself the rest of the year. Keep in mind, by the afternoon of the 25th, it's old news & in many cases for some, prepping for returns and after Christmas sales...two reasons to avoid anything called a mall or powercenter
Lastly, keep in mind how horrible Christmas will be for many on the eastern coast to the nth power because of a couple of things with the name 'Sandy'. Wish or pray they can muster as much strength and moments of peace of mind as humanly possible.
I am feel like I'm in the opposite situation- I am overwhelmed by the LACK of Christmas festivities around me. I generally celebrate with my boyfriend's family since my parents are too far away to visit every Christmas, but his family seems to take Christmas very lightly. Last year we had Christmas Eve dinner where only my boyfriend's parents gave out presents to their kids in a cold, unfestive manner. (oh, I also gave out presents but everyone seemed a bit surprised).
There are no Christmas trees, no decorations, no Christmas music. Christmas day my boyfriend played video games in the morning, his mother cooked (a non-Christmas meal), and his father was out running.
This year I'll be staying home, not to avoid holiday stress like most of you, but rather to have a mini-Christmas celebration all by myself with cheery music, warm food, spiked drinks and a Christmas tree. Happy Holidays!
I enjoy the holidays but there are some things that make it enjoy it less. Those are the things I changed. Instead of rushing to the top and bottom of the state on Christmas only to worn out for work the next day (apparently we aren't allowed to host even though we live in the center of the state), my husband and I alternate years with each side of the family. One side gets Christmas, the other Thanksgiving. The following year it switches. I never wrote and mailed Christmas cards on time so I stopped doing paper cards. We take a goofball photo and email to everyone as our Christmas card. I try to shop year round for either the real gift or a good idea. By the time December rolls around I am usually done or will be with a couple of quick clicks or trip to the mall. After a four day gift wrap a thon that left me grumpy, I made cloth gift bags out of velvet, brocades, glitzy ribbon and trim from my costuming stash. It takes 2 seconds to wrap a gift this year and still looks as nice as when I spent hours wrapping gifts with meticulous bows and ribbons.
exactly!
we have made christmas day a festival of finger foods! the table and counters are laid with loads of every variety of delicious hor d'oeuver we can imagine. we open presents, drink loads of coffee and then lay the spread. its just our immediate family, but its easy and fun, and makes the day feel like a holiday party!!
@Caroline L., above -- your boyfriend's family sounds like my family, the one I grew up with. It was so depressing to have Christmas with them, that, as a teenager, I started begging friends to let me spend at least part of the holiday with them.
Now that I'm grown up, I don't have my own family (I'm single and childless) but still find friends to visit. Also, I've found that attending Midnight Mass with carol singing is a really enjoyable way for me to celebrate.
So many good ideas in this post and in the comments.
I, too, have also dropped holiday cards. I do love real paper stationary, but having to buy cards, address them, write note, buy stamps, it -- for me -- started to feel like just too much.
This year I also instituted and coordinated a gift exchange within my family. Now that my youngest nephew is going to be 20 in a couple of week, it seemed time. And my family doesn't have a lot of money so doing a name draw will keep things more sane and manageable.
I think it's a struggle to figure out what makes the holidays enjoyable, and what you can do within the demands of your family, but I know things I've ADDED in the last few years are having a friend of two over for dinner in mid-December to help me decorate my tree, as for me, the tree is one of my favorite parts. (This year, after the tree was trimmed and dinner eaten, I had the delight of introducing my friend to "Bad Santa"!)
I also have started making the drive to a neighborhood in my town that is famous for having almost every house decked out in holiday lights. For me, looking at fun lights is a particular favorite.
So no is very important, as is making time for the parts of the season that really matter to each of us.