"Glide a sticky lint roller over the bath mat to pick up hair."

Sorry, that's a time-waster. Just put down a clean one. If you only have one bath mat, go buy another one.

"Shine the faucets with a damp washcloth, if the faucets are clean, the whole bathroom looks clean."

No. Empty the trash, hang the towels straight, and clean the toilet bowl.

"Reserve one side of sofa cushions to be shown to guests. Before company arrives, flip over the cushions to reveal good-as-new fabric. When guests are gone, flip them back."

Uhh I don't really get this, do they mean that the cushions are dirty? Am I the only one to flip cushions regurlary so they don't fade only on one side? And if the cushions are that dirty enough for it to be really obvious, maybe they should have been cleaned a long time before, or just removed from the sofa... And why flip them back afterwards?

Also some of these solutions -like the dishes- seem barely shorter than actually doing the cleaning, I mean how long does it take to do the dishes and turn on the machine..? And if you have a weeks worth of dirty dishes I think having guests (which also often means making dinner or serving drinks) isn't such a good idea anyway.

Seriously? the "hide the dust under the mat" solution...

I agree on the landing strip and faucet idea though.

hey! better keep those comments respectful or you'll get axed! ;)

whoops that was off subject. and I didn't provide any helpful advice.... im screwed

But in all seriousness, I usually just take 30 minutes and crank up my ipod and clean the place up. my trick for being very fast and efficient is to start in one corner of the house and work my way through, so as not to get overwhelmed by the amount of cleaning I need to do. if you've invited people over, you should probably be able to take a half an hour to do that. If it's spontaneous, I make them wait on the porch til i straighten the couch pillows, which is terrible

On second thought I guess Palmetto is right about the bathroom... and actually on re-thinking about it shining the faucets... why not just use a cleaning wipe instead of a damp cloth, and... oh wait, that's called cleaning....

@bromelia This is for people who have other priorities. I work 40 hours a week and am throwing in an extra 15 hours on top of that for studying. Cleaning is NOT on my to-do list when I do have down time.

Adding to my faking-it list is

-pick up the clothes on my bedroom floor that would be visible from the foyer

-Put away the post-its/pens/papers/textbooks that currently live by the couch.

-Replace anything the cats have knocked off the shelves.

-Put the shoes that normally inhabit the foyer in the bedroom

-and dump the greenwaste.

@Daniel Poiters,

I think the cushions thing is aimed at people with kids. Kids = stains in my mind so I assumed that was it. Anybody else have ideas?

As for the dishes, it would be just as easy to throw them in the dishwasher if a) you have a dishwasher and b) it gets things clean without pre-scrubbing. I don't have a dishwasher to stashing them somewhere might work.

Somethings I have done when I've run out of time to truly clean:

Fluff the couch cushions - it's amazing how that can make the room look cleaner

Wipe the kitchen counters

Clear off the coffee table of junk

Fluff up the duvet on my bed

Pick up any laundry dropped on the bedroom or bathroom floor and put away

Last resort - have a room or a closet I can close off and shove stuff in there to get it out of the way

If I have enough notice, I will clean up properly for guests, but when caught off guard, this is my mental check list that takes 5 minutes.

The trick as you say, is to go back and undo the shortcuts and do it right afterwards...

Clean your windows!!!

@ LilyC : I find your suggesstions more relevant and interesting than the ones in the post :-)

I agree with the faucet trick, but even if I have only 5 minutes I usually try to clean the bathroom - at least wipe down the surfaces, stow the dirty bathmat (guests don't need it), and make sure there's toilet paper. I make the bed, fluff up the couch cushions and stows the inevitable stacks of papers. But of the course the real trick is to try to clean just a little bit every day! Sometimes my friends will do a "pop in" - which isn't my favorite, but does keep me motivated even when I think I'm all alone.

I try to invite people over after dark and I light candles and spray a little room freshener before they arrive. If it smells clean and the eye is drawn to candles, they may not notice the dust as much.
That said, I think dusting and shining surfaces can be one of the quickest ways to appear clean.
Empty trash cans
Clear clutter
Clear off the coffee table
Wipe down the bathroom sink with some good smelling cleaner-the clean scent lingers and gives a sense of cleanliness.
Close the shower curtain.
Hang a clean hand towel.
I try to keep my place clean by cleaning a little everyday but inviting people over inspires me to do the deep clean the place needs anyway. I love having people over so I try to not worry about appearing perfect. I'd rather have guests even if the place is a little messy.

fresh flowers in vases always a nice distraction

adjust lights.

invite people who already know you are a slob, if you have to fake it for them wouldn't that make for an annoyingly stiff evening.

hey, sometimes there is no time to clean properly.
so im not knocking this post.

i like lilyc's idea of backtracking etc

when i had my studio i had one of those ottoman storage things where i would throw whatever was lying around in case i had unexpected friends.

i have since made it a rule to give me at least an hour heads up before coming over my house..lol

I think some of the advice was for when maybe you get maybe a short notice that you will be having company - so simple quick things you can do. I doubt it was the trick for every time - just when you might have run out of time or find out you will be having someone over in fifteen or twenty minutes. I don't like when people do pop in without notice, but it happens.

My list goes more like:

-Put the cushions back on the couch since we tend to lounge on it without using throw pillows as back cushions through the week.
-Pick up all dirty clothes and put them in a hamper.
-Get the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
-Clean off most surfaces (aka coffee table, counters, dining table, etc)
-Make sure the bed is made neat.
-Pull shower curtain and put out clean towels (they may not get used but hey at least it reminds me to change them).
-Toss extra jackets that we have out in a closet and deal with them after company is gone.
-Hide any scraps of paper I have notes on under my keyboard or behind the monitor.
-Clean faucets and the toilet well - since I pull the shower curtain, I don't need to scrub the toilet.

Most of that I can get done in ten mins if I'm trying.

@Tiamat, I've been there, plus, both my bf and I come from a culture where no one ever calls before coming to visit. Even when I was working 60 hours/week, I'd often come home to find a family member in the living room (at least since we bought this house, we've been selective about who gets keys, lol).

The best tip is that when you do have a moment to breathe, take the time to set things up so that there's a minimum of clutter to dust/clean/put away. Fewer tchotchkes means less work, as does having a home for everything. Consider putting a basket under the desk to stash school papers when you're done for the night, throw dirty clothes straight into the hamper, etc. Then, take just five minutes daily to make the rounds of your place twice: first to pick up what's out of place and the second to put everything away. Your house won't be clean, but it will be more or less tidy. If you have the energy, do another five minutes with a spray bottle of something like Mrs. Meyer's lavender and a rag--start at the entrance of your home and do a spray/swipe run throughout, ending in the bathroom (because you'll want to do the outside of the toilet last and then throw the rag in the wash). This also works when you have guests coming, makes everything smell nice too.

In the end, the people who love you understand that you are doing the best you can (unless they're my very persnickety mother, in which case, you're out of luck).

I think quickly wiping down the sink won't take much longer than shining the faucets. I don't think shiny faucets will distract anyone from truly dirty sinks. Making the bed, clearing away clutter (including garbage bins and dirty dishes), putting away clothes and shoes and quickly hoovering cat and human hair tumbleweed are part of my quick-clean checklist, though I'll admit that I live in a 1BR apartment so it doesn't even take much time to do a regular cleaning.

bromelia - the point of the post was to help those of us who don't have your virtuous habits...

thank you tabithacat!!

seeing as how the comment section was disabled for the conduct post (interesting), I am glad someone made note of it.

When our kids were small and our house was on the market one of my favorite quick hiding places was in the car; the other was inside the dryer.

bromelia, some of us aren't perfect like you.

Since I am not a judgy mcjudgerson, and neither are my friends, I don't bother fluffing pillows and hiding papers and stuff. The absolute only thing I'll do is check the bathroom, where I'll pick up any abandoned clothes leftover from my morning shower and make sure there's adequate TP and a fresh hand-towel.

The trouble with stashing stuff to tidy later - is well ... later never ever comes... well not for us at least. Once every drawer and closet is jammed I have to do a whole massive clean - eeeuuuch. Now I pop things in the car... so I have to clear them out before the next trip. What I do for guests is clear one or two surfaces (one or two is enough!). And swipe the bathroom with a wipe and a good smell... with four boys I am happy to announce that the toilet and surrounding environment can be swiped and wiped in the time it takes for a guest to get from the front gate (that goes click click click to open) to the front door - its a dash but worth it!

What I don't get is why Real Simple thinks guests will be looking around your laundry room!? Actually, I wish I had a laundry room ;)

I'd like to add a couple things:
- Take out the trash and add a drop of essential oil to each can.
- If I have time I vacuum the (damn) carpets, otherwise I use the dust buster on the couch and anywhere on the carpet I see a particular bit of dirt.
- I wipe down the tv with a dry cloth (especially if people are coming for a movie night). Then I take the rag and a bottle of all purpose cleaner to every horizontal surface - starting in the living room, then kitchen, then bathroom. If I'm really pressed for time, I start with the dark surfaces where the dust shows up worst.
- Refill ice trays!
- If it's during the day, I wipe down the windows. If at night, I don't bother.
- Shake out the welcome mat.
- I don't agree about the faucets, I think the highlight of a clean bathroom is clean mirrors.

bromelia, take a breath. and check the batteries in your halo.

somebody suggested cleaning the windows ... :-D well, that is actually major cleaning, and i think this is about getting things done in a hurry.

familiar situation :-D i call it retouching (from touching up a photograph), and it is mostly about looking at the place trying to see it with somebody else's eyes. part of the must-do always is concerned with the kitchen, as in my place, people have to go through the kitchen to get to the living room ...

things i try to get done is hiding stuff that is cluttering the desk, table, and the kitchen worktop, lighting candles, and checking the bathroom.

se7en's right, later never comes. i stacked magazines in a closet nearly hip deep waiting on laters. was actually shocked when i was planning to move out.

bromelia, I don't remember EVER reading a nice and positive comment from you.

Wrangling newspapers, magazines, etc: "Promise yourself you will deal with them later".
This made me laugh out loud. The question is how much later? More than once friends & I have laughed about our common experience of scurrying around doing a rush job of tidying up before late notice company arrives shoveling the paper & other flotsam off tops of tables/desks/counters into bags & then stashing them in the nearest closets. We all have had the odd bag too well hidden away in a hideyhole that we discover much & sometimes MUCH later & say, "What in the world is in here!".

I think I would like to be more like bromelia. I will make an effort today. Hang my jacket when I arrive home. Clean my dishes upon finishing. Wipe the crumbs off the counter before I walk away and forget. et...I have awful habits. I am sure I will go to hell for it.
I'm sure it is easier and less time consuming in the long run to take care of things at the time. I may even pick up some good habits for a change.
If only I could get my husband to do the same.

i am not condoning this in any shape or form, but i think it is hilarious. my friend's mom pulls out the vacuum when guests are just about to arrive. then she sets it up in the living room in an obvious space and when she lets the guests in she says "oh sorry, i was in the middle of cleaning!" then the guests think, "oh ok that is why it isn't spotless in here" and her mom hurries to put the vacuum away. works like a charm!!

for me, doing the dishes, vacuuming/sweeping, taking the trash out and shoving any renegade clothing/shoes in the closet does a decent job of convincing people we aren't the slobs we truly are!

I guess, for me, your living room can be as big a mess as you want it to be - as long as there is room for me to sit down without shoving something out of the way, I'm OK with that - but I'm not eating at your house if your kitchen is covered end to end in flour and soy sauce.

I know when we have company, I always make it a point to wipe down the sink (basin, faucet, back splash and surrounding counter space), all of the counter-top cutting boards and butcher blocks, and the stove top - even if i'm still cooking and making messes - because while I may know that your chicken never touched the wooden butcher block because I used the little acrylic cutting board, you don't and you have no idea how long those crumbs have been there.

I work 40 hours a week, my Partner works 40 hours a week, we have 2 dogs and a cat and I can honestly say that our home is company ready at all times. If you pick up and clean as you go along your home needs minimal cleaning. when I leave the house in the morning I know that our home is clean when I return. The heavy duty cleaning (vacuuming, dusting, mopping) takes only minutes on a saturday morning.
Try it...

I clean as much as I can before guests come. I think it's a nice gesture that shows you welcome and value their presence, (I'm not a fan of the, 'oh, it's just you so I won't bother' attitude). it was also a habit my mother enforced from a very young age, (my playmates thought we lived in obsessive perfection). however, when I'm short on time, I stick to a few simple things: fluff and staighten couch cushions/pillows, clear off the dining table, pick up cat toys and any tumble-weed-like fur balls, open any closed curtains, etc. for anything that needs to be stashed, I try to put it somewhere that would make it in my way later so I'll have to deal with it. the bathtub is a great place if you have a shower curtain you can't see through; papers often go in clothing drawers.

keep the lights low
clear all surfaces (either put things in their place or somewhere else where they can't bee seen)
take out the trash
shine the bathroom sink
great idea to clear half the coats from the landing strip, I'll use that!
http://notyourgoddess.blogspot.com/

I'm not a hygiene freak by any means but some of these suggestions make me feel a bit queasy.. what is on one side of those cushions?! I only really wash my cushion covers if I spill something but they really don't look dirty on either side...

and as for putting dirty dishes in the cupboard. It really is faster to do it as you go along.

I totally do the last ones you added though (shoving coats and papers in my wardrobe!).

AT, thanks for the great cleaning tips. I'd also like to make a clarification - Real Simple is geared mainly toward Moms/Parents whereas AT definitely is not. So it makes sense that a lot of the solutions in this post wouldn't make sense to apartment dwelling non-parents. For those of you without kids, please note:

1. YES! The flipping-the-cushions idea makes perfect sense if you have kids. Even with a no-food-in-the-living room rule, we still end up with everything from milk to toothpaste on our new cushions (and contrary to some suggestions, you can't run out and have them cleaned every time you have company over). Flipping them is a great idea!

2. The "clean as you go" concept becomes considerably more difficult when you throw kids into the equation. Yes, I'd love to be able to take the time after dinner every night to load the dishwasher, but that's not feasible when your chasing around after little ones to get them ready for bed at 7:00.

3. Here's a valuable tip for the non-parents out there. Buy yourself some BABY WIPES. They are great for a quick clean before having guests over. You can use them for everything from getting stains off the rug, pillows, and your clothes, to giving the counters a quick wipe down before the guests arrive. (And they are cheaper, less smelly, and less chemically than those cleaning wipes - and they don't get stuck when you try to pull them out of the package!).

4. My mother-in-law babysits at our house every Friday, and it's a GREAT way to keep up on the house work. I know that at least once a week, my house will get a fairly good cleaning, no matter how busy my husband and I are.

AT, thanks for the great tips and keep up the good posts.
Cheers!

Ehh.. I'm will Bromelia on this one - an untidy bathroom at any time is just gag inducing.

Best trick for a quick clean: things have a place.

On off days take a few minutes to assess what KIND of mess you've made, and create a solution. I don't mean clean that very moment - but set up a mechanism that makes cleaning easy.

Mail is big time clutter in my house. Dining table is stacked with it. Add to that two magazine gift subscriptions and you've got a problem. So - I bought two magazine caddies and a mail/sort box. We still throw the mail on the table - but if the house needs to be tidied at least the clutter has a place to go!

Same thing for laundry. We ALWAYS throw it on the floor - but there are two hampers in the closet just in case!

My priorities are taking out the trash and cleaning the toilet and bathroom sink. If there is extra time I'll pick up clutter. Oh, and yell at my husband if he didn't make the bed in the morning :)

I'm with Tabitha & seaside, for fear of the conduct police, I will say, some of those tips (not the post, really) are disgusting! They just make me cringe thinking of the dirt hiding at this person's house. I don't have a clean house 365 days a year, but I think there are better 15/30 minute real cleaning tips like Chrisgal and LilyC mentioned that you can do to actually clean in the time it takes you to fake it.

Clear all surfaces- even if you just sweep into a basket with a lid. Put potted plants in the center of tables. Rub cutting boards with lemon, rub a little tea tree oil around the faucets of the sink, make sure you don't have any stains around the bathtub (ick).
I use a lot of Lush bath bombs so the last tip is very essential! Brightly colored essential oil lines on the tub may not look good to guests!
I also tend to keep my bedroom off limits, but just incase, clean up anything you wouldn't want your parents (dad especially) to see!

I'm so happy that I'm finally at a point where I can tidy the apartment in 15 minutes if I find out that friends are coming over. (Those who knew me years ago are shocked.) Sure, it involves throwing a few stray shoes, sweaters, and bags into my bedroom and closing the door, but that's not so bad. Sweep the floor, collect all the magazines and stack them neatly, straighten the pillows, clear off the table completely and replace the placemats, and wipe down the toilet and sink. It works because I try really hard to keep the Stuff to a minimum in my main room. And it's really improved my life.

First, I'm pretty tidy anyhow, so it's not usually a big deal to control clutter and clear surfaces. (Maybe vacuuming will have to wait...)

Second, the friends who visit us are all bigger slobs than we are, so it's just my "new house pride" that makes me want to do ANYTHING when they come over! (OK, it IS a new house, I want to impress people just a little!)

Third, we very rarely have drop ins -- people are either invited for the evening or let us know weeks in advance that they want to stay over. So I have plenty of time to get as ready as I want to.

Having pets, there is the fur ball issue, but not having kids, there is little in the sticky spills area to worry about. If I have notice, I do like to clean litter boxes. But they aren't in the main entertaining space, so if they are overlooked, it usually is still ok.)

As a guest, I just like it when the bathroom looks and smells clean, and the kitchen, if messy, looks like the mess is only from the current/most recent meal. Not the past week or more!

I gather that bromeila said something people reacted to -- sorry I missed it since it seems to have been removed now! (Where's the fun in that?!)

If I don't have time to do a "real" clean before guests come over (wiping down kitchen and bathroom counters and sinks, vacuuming and mopping floors), I'll focus on decluttering the areas where guests will be. Just getting all the magazines and newspapers off the dining room table, coffee table and kitchen counters gives an immediate impression of cleanliness.

I hate most room sprays and the like, so if the house has been shut up all day and feels stale, I'll open all the windows before people come over to air it out.

I usually find my time is better spent preparing to make guests comfortable in my home - making sure there's space for their coats in the hall closet, setting out glasses and bottle openers by the refrigerator, popping a parbaked loaf of bread in the oven to nosh on, and chilling their favorite beer or soda.

Most importantly, we rarely have people over who I feel the need to be "perfect" for. The roommate who held my hair back while I vomited after a college social isn't going to care that there are a few dog hair tumbleweeds lurking behind the door. :)

Set the table. This holds not just for guests but for family. If the table is set and there's some semblance of activity in the kitchen people sense they are, indeed, going to be fed.

My bathroom is imediately beside the front door, so it's imperative that I clean it if people care dropping by on short notice--clean the sink, mirror, and loo, close the shower curtain, and sweep the floor. Since there's no room for a hamper in my 5x5 bathroom, I've also been known to fling laundry in the tub as a hiding place. Works like a charm.

FiatLex, I love this: "The roommate who held my hair back while I vomited after a college social isn't going to care that there are a few dog hair tumbleweeds lurking behind the door. :)"

I'm also blessed to have friends who have seem me at my absolute worst (and visa-versa).

On topic - Since I live alone, I'm able to keep my house in fairly good order all the time. I also subscribe to the idea that you should clean up after yourself as you go. For instance, when I change clothes, I either hang up the old (if they're still relatively clean), or toss them in the hamper (if they've crossed over). If I do this for everything, it makes the weekend 'big clean' a lot easier!

(The fact that I lived with a perpetual slob for 6 years also helps keep me motivated.)

I agree that the Real Simple tips seems a little weird-- the faucet thing especially...

My non -negotiable last minute cleans would definitely be the toilet and bathroom sink and dirty dishes in the kitchen.

After that, I just stand in whatever rooms people will be in and scan. Whatever my eye picks up as a "pocket of mess" gets tidied. Magazines on the coffee table? Stack em in a pile. Shoes by the door? In the closet. Not cleaned, just triaged.

When it comes to the bathroom, I think that cleaning is the only option-- but the rest of the house, eh. The appearance of clean is good enough for someone who's only there for a couple of hours.

@ChrisGal, at first quick glance, I misread your advice to pick up all dirty clothes and put them in a hamper as pick up all dirty dishes and put them in a hamper. My response? "Brilliant idea!"

And that, fellow ATers, tells you all you need to know about me.

I always TRY to put dishes in the dishwasher after eating... but somehow I fool myself into "I'll do it later tonight..." and it ends up being a week later. I know, it's horrible.

The mantra I keep telling myself is, that it's the same amount of work now and later. And sometimes it can be more work later (like dirty dishes).

rosenatti - LOL. I have been almost to that point when there are dishes to go in the dishwasher and it's still full from last load. People just don't realize those with lives sometimes can not finish every single thing or get every single thing done exactly when they would. Someone calls and tells me they are in the neighborhood and dropping in, only the bathroom will get cleaned and the rest of the house will be a run through.

Having lived through lots of years as a divorced mother of three, I learned during those years to lower my standards or I'd never have a life! With the kids grown and on their own, I live in a studio apartment with my two mischievious doggies who unmake the bed, pull their toys out into the middle of the floor, leave half-chewed things around -- it gives the place a "lived in" look. I don't buy furniture that can't be cleaned easily (love machine washable slipcovers for the sofa). If I have too much stuff to keep it all put away, I figure I have too much stuff and need to get rid of some (or at least put it in storage). I keep the kitchen and bathroom clean by tidying every time I use either so I don't end up with bugs/mice/science experiments. Beyond that, perfection is not necessary or even desirable. Don't you want your friends to be comfortable?

Someone may have mentioned this already but the comments thread is just too long to make sure: my mom always said the most important thing was to clean the mirrors-- because people ALWAYS look at themselves in the mirrors, and it takes like 2 seconds. So if I absolutely can't do anything else (our apartment is very clean, but sometimes people drop by out of the blue) I will, in order of priority:

1) Empty trash cans... the first thing that always happens when anyone comes over is that they come up to you with a tissue/wrapper/fruit peel, etc., and say "where's your trash?" And you are SO busted if you didn't take it out... plus clearing bathroom trash = instant visual clutter reduction/perceived hygiene boost.
2) Clear/wipe surfaces (clothes in closet, dishes shoved into cabinets, etc., receipts etc., shoved into drawers)
3) Sweep.. I sweep our area rugs too, it's quicker than vacuuming.
4) Wash mirrors, especially the bathroom mirror.
5) Straighten/fluff couch pillows.

Light a candle and you're done*... under 15 minutes, and you may even get a compliment. =)

*I live with a dirty boy, so if I remember I will do a quick under-seat check on the toilet and wipe the rim. Sigh...

I usually don't care if the trash has been taken out as long as it's not full when someone is here. It's a terrible waste of bags if it's only a fourth full or something and you take it out each time someone drops by. I'd rather use up most of the bag.

I agree with the posters who say the kitchen and the bath are the most important to have "clean" surfaces/straightened towels etc when guests come. Then as long as you just straighten the seating area, keep the lights low, and serve adult beverages nobody will notice or care that the house isn't white-glove clean.

All of us struggle with clutter from time to time if not chronically. There are many psychological reasons we hold onto it. See:
http://www.fengshuitimes.com/article/detail.asp?aid=359&cid=2&pg=

Katy
http://fengshuibyfishgirl.com

@mribaro---------FYI, yes of course bromelia has said something positive. Here's one thing I just happened to read after seeing all the bromelia backlash on this post. Sheesh!:
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ny/at-email/how-to-hide-your-tv-monitor-with-style-080373#comments

It's a one in a million thing, fishgirl.