A-men! That is great you're looking out for your child's future in this way. I have the same problem with my family and I don't even have kids. I beg them to simply donate to a charity for me, but they send me junk instead. You are going to have to pull out some heavy psychological tricks. I loved this letter - could you send it to your family members in a forward list, and individually? I can't imagine a better way to get them involved. Instead of mentioning them, just say, here are my concerns, any gift ideas that involve zero-waste? Let them come up with the ideas and maybe they'll follow through.

Many people have a hard time picturing a Christmas without commerce, so make it easy for them:
Make an online wishlist and put up ideas that either would be objects you really want (you can specify the exact brand so that you get the greenest and healthiest stuff); or experiences like tickets to the zoo /spa/cinema, or baby swimming / baby massage / mom-baby yoga (or whatever it is that you can do around where you live); or purely non-commercial things like babysitting hours, cooking class from grandma, etc. That way your family can (in their own space and time) get acquainted with what you guys really want and need.

and, if you're still faced with really super-determined gift-givers, suggest that they give only gifts that he can use and love throughout his entire lifetime. examples: a childhood book that he will enjoy reading as an adult, a really nice wool blanket (I'm a huge fan of Pendleton eco-wise wool) that can later be used in his big boy room, a piece of bright and colorful art that he can enjoy now and as an adult.

Good luck. I've been battling this for YEARS and each holiday brings a truckload of crap from WM. I've even tried showing people evidence w/how a thoughtful, durable, well-made gift would be appreciated more by my sons than the garbage that breaks & they end up sifting through year after year. It makes no difference. I would think that our *very* specific, well-thought out lists of suggestions (frugal, even) would be appreciated - you'd think SOMEone would want to take my kids to the zoo, a movie or the museum, etc... but no. And, they all ASK for suggestions - it's not like I'm just shoving ideas at people. A few people take the time and effort, but not most.

So my husband and I give them a few selected items, do a bunch of activities w/our kids and let everyone else throw garbage at them. My kids take care of the thoughful gifts, so they already know what's important. We make a point of giving away most of our old items as a family since we have a small home. The kids are a part of the entire process. They hardly ever want to keep the junk.

My hubby and I face this too, even though we don't have kids. We've gotten to a point where we despise "stuff" for the sake of having it, and giving random stuff for the sake of giving it. Thankfully, our parents all appreciate a wish list, so we can indicate items and experiences we'd like so we aren't saddled with random tchochkes, like striped toe socks and our 15th ice scraper.

Inform the family that you will no longer be celebrating the "holidays" with gift-giving. Let everyone know that ALL gifts will be immediately donated to homeless shelters, children's homes, et cetera. What you then do in the privacy of your home is your own business. Next year it won't be a problem.

We are doing the same thing. With a the first grandchild on the way in February, we know that this will be a conversation that will need to be had in the coming year with certain family members.

We already try to encourage handmade or experience based gifts and agree that the holidays are about getting together, sharing a fabulous meal, and enjoying each other. That being said for some people gift giving is what the holidays is for them, so it's a delicate balance between respecting their expectations for the holidays and honoring your own values.
One way is to lead by example, by giving family members homemade or experience based gifts.

Another is to try to share your values with them, so they understand that you aren't trying to deprive them of their gift giving right, but rather you are trying to find a balance that fits within what your family values most, maybe you can even phrase it so the gift giving family member feels like they are getting more out of giving an experience or something handmade, rather than buying a bunch of things that your child our yourselves don't really need or even want.

I think it is possible to strike a happy balance, and if you end up getting things that don't fit your set of values you can always donate them to another family or cause that might appreciate them in a different way.

Good luck to everyone trying to make this switch, we have managed to do it on one side of the family and are continually working on meeting at common ground on the other side of the family.

It can be done!!

We have a number of local Mission Malls...where folks can donate to local charities and non-profits (like the library or united way). This has become incredibly popular and seems to be an "exceptable" gift idea.
@SunnyBlue, your comment made me laugh out loud!

Tell them nothing made of plastic, because you're afraid of what's put in it in the Chinese factories that make 90% of the toys in the US. (This works well with conservatives....) Seriously, kids chew on EVERYTHING and who knows what's in the paint.... (There are cool recycled plastic eco-toys, however.)

Tell them you want stuff made by real people -- like Melissa & Doug, etc. Then if you donate it, you won't be donating crap, and your family's $ will be supporting decent businesses.

I find it's helpful to send them a website and say, "I love this company, my friend's kid has their stuff and it's great and it lasts really well." That way, they have the pleasure of picking something out.

We tackled this issue a couple of years ago. our children were all late teenagers or older. We all agreed no-one needed anymore 'stuff' and we were always disappointed with the traditional 'gift sets', mugs, unwanted perfumes and so on which lacked a personal touch. So we set up a challenge (i am a UK reader so i apologise to my global friends here if what i say is not clear!). the challenge was to provide two gifts for everyone, one had to be free i.e the giver could not buy anything, and one had to be less than 99 pence! everyone was very enthusiastic and took the challenge very seriously, we made our own wrapping paper (and still do) from newspapers, takeaway menus, magazines - my best friend re-used part of her paper christmas day tablecloth after the meal to wrap her presents to give to us on Boxing Day. We scoured our lofts and cupboards for 'free' things to give and local charity shops (thrift stores?) for items below 99p. a sense of humour became pervasive but it also became apparent that an incredible amount of thought had to go into it. when the exchanges of gifts came they ranged from free items such as birdfeeders made of milk cartons, matchstick models, chinese takeaway calendars, old paintings and mirrors, hand me down clothes with fond memories pinned to them, logs, melted down candles, poetry and recipes, free pens indeed any freebies that were around!. The 99p items were far more eclectic ranging from cowboy boot ornaments, to ship lights, outrageous clothing, egg cups rope (you never know when you may need some rope) - you get the idea. Everyone was very excited to see what they would get as the only limit was the imagination. it is a habit that has stuck now and even though we now have grandchildren we still do this - and save any money that we wish to spend on toys and so on for the New Year Sales. So my advice is - don't buy into that the commercialisation of christmas - make kitchen furniture toys from cardboard boxes, spend time with the kids - ( we once had a BBQ in the snow with grandchildren and they loved it), write out IOU gifts - book reading, back rubbing and so on. My inspiration for all this came from Buy Nothing Day, my motivation was committing to a frugal life and trying to create new family traditions for our blended family. we do of course buy gifts for our grandchildren for christmas as to do otherwise in our culture would be unfair but they actually like the alternatives much more!

I don't have kids, but I love the idea of giving "lessons." I love to cook and I play music, so how fun would it be to give someone a quick tutorial on either? You could give away coupons for crafting lessons, music or foreign language lessons, cooking lessons, driving lessons, flower-arranging lessons, gardening lessons, canning lessons, animal tracking lessons, horseback riding lessons, etc. The possibilities are endless!

Included with the lessons, if you want, could be: a guitar, a good kitchen knife, fresh flowers and a vase, a good trowel, canning tools, knitting needles and yarn, etc.

I think that would be so fun. Plus, it guarantees A) learning a useful skill and B) spending quality time with the gift-giver.

Not appropriate for a one-year-old, I know. But still a neat idea.

Deb reminded me of a tradition my older sister had, she would give me "coupons" for a trip to the movies, buying me cookies and so on. Last year I made a Twitter account for my boyfriend under his cat's name, we got a good laugh out of it. For a toddler maybe an account for Mom and sign up for alerts on baby nutrition or services?

I was just trying to explain this to my dad two days ago. I still have stuff in gift bags from last christmas that I haven't figured out what to do with. I was trying to tell him things I need, but he didn't think they sounded like things you give as gifts. I like the tickets and lessons idea that some folks have posted and I think those suggestions will go over well.

Home-made or setting a very low monetary value might help. Or you could think of an 'experience' and ask people to contribute to that rather than a material gift (such as a pony-ride, hot air ballooning. Obviously he might not be quite ready for those things just yet, but the time will fly. Be sure to send a photo of him enjoying himself to those who contributed.

We struggle with this too. My husbands family are very gift focused while my side were more about just getting together and eating too much!

I think there are a lot of great suggestions: Experience gifts, lessons, time, "free" gifts, etc.

Another one I would add is set up a college fund. (529 Plans in the US) Ask family members who must spend money to donate to the college fund. Create a log of some type - collection of cards from those who have contributed to give to your child when they graduate from high school.
http://www.sec.gov/investor/pubs/intro529.htm

These are all great suggestions, I really appreciate everyone who took the time to share their ideas & what has worked for them. With any luck, there's still hope... if things don't catch on this year, maybe by next year they'll start to settle in. :) My hope is that the gifts that we give (homemade, experience based &/or high quality) will both emphasize our values and better explain what we're hoping for. Time will tell.

For those gift givers who will shrug off the donating to charity idea, I second the college fund, or maybe bonds or something like antique coins that take up little room, appreciate in value (college fund alternative?) and can create an interest for the receiver. There is a coin shop here in Chicago that a friend of mine always gives gifts from. He tells the staff a little about the receiver and his budget they give him a few ideas (someone on the coin with the same name, or heritage or religious symbolism, etc). Not totally selfless or eco-perfect, but small, meaningful, low impact, and with appreciating value...

Good luck on getting the buy-in on the kids' side of things... we still haven't figured out how to keep parents from showering nieces & nephews with gifts! However, for the adults in the family, we set up an exchange where everyone makes handmade Christmas ornaments. (We figured that these can be packed away after the holidays, that it's OK to have extra things out at Christmas time, and that it's nice to be reminded of family at that time of the year... hence deciding on that gift.)

The really nice thing about this exchange is that we set it up so everyone rotates from year to year. The first year, Mom & Dad had me & my fiance, since I'm the oldest... I had my next brother & SIL, and on down. Each year, everyone takes the next family down on the age chart--so you know you're going to get a turn exchanging with everyone!

We used to exchange gifts with our neighbors (there are 10 of us total), but it just got to be too much. Now we do a secret santa. When you find out who you get, you buy them a $5 gift (we get creative, often shopping for something funky from the thrift store or buying raw materials to make something), and then buy a $15 children's toy to donate that is inspired by that person. None of us needs more expensive stuff and clutter, but there are lots of kids out there that would get great joy from even one present.

I appreciate the dilemma, and it is one, I am sure, many people can relate to. I personally take a multi-arm approach. First, I give few gifts. I let everyone that I know that I don't give holiday/birthday gifts except to very close family members. I spread this message far and wide. If I were to receive a surprise gift from someone I don't know well I say something along the lines of: "thanks so much for thinking of me. It feels strange for me to receive your gift because I only exchange gifts with very close family members." If it's a gift that matches my values and criteria I let them know why it worked for me such as: "how lovely, I love this chocolate bar because it's both organic and vegan and I'm vegan and I also have a reduced waste home so it really needs to be something that works. (big smile) Thank you!" If it didn't fit my criteria I let them politely know why it didn't work: "Wow, such a lovely thought. That was so sweet of you to think of me but I'm vegan and this isn't. " Or with a child, "that was so sweet of you to think of ________ but we have a no plastics and reduced waste home. I don't mean to offend you but I want to be honest and let you know the truth becuase I value you. Is there someone else you would like to re-gift this to or should I donate it to __________?" If it's a super sticky situation where for whatever reason being honest isn't the best choice, then it is returned, goes into the re-gifting box or to a charity announced to the giver.

To those that I do give gifts to, I try to ask them what they would like. I also give others gifts such as experiences, donations to charities, and green gifts that support local businesses, are alignment with my values, and are things I know they would like/use such as a bottle of organic olive oil, a gift certificate to an organic farm or grocery shop, etc. For people who want to give your family presents, I make a list of what I want/need with specific brand names, etc. for them to use and suggest gift certificates, charity gifting, and experience gifts as my top choices on this list. I clearly communicate to people close to me what my boundaries are and how I will handle it if for whatever reason if they can't respect them such as: "I really appreciate how you think of me for the holidays, my birthday, etc., and I am now choosing to celebrate them by only receiving gifts that are experiences or something I need from my list, which I can give to you. So much trash is created, etc. and it's a really important issue for me. I want to let you know this ahead of time, and I have decided that I am going to be really firm on this issue; I will either return, donate, re-gift anything that doesn't fit this model for myself or family because this means so much to me. You are not your gift to me and I appreciate your friendship so much."

And then I follow through and maintain my boundary. In my thank you cards I either profusely thank them for respecting my boundaries or I politely let them know that they did not respect them and that I donated their gift, etc. Once people know you're serious, you won't have any problems. This is the most important point; you must be firm. Once you are, news travels fast and you only have to worry about the issue with people who don't know you. At first, people may be offput by it, but they eventually come round and end up appreciating you for it or despite it. Some of the most vocal people against my views have ended up telling me down the road how much they wish they could be like me. So you just never know....

In terms of children, you can explain to your child(ren) why your family has decided to not allow certain items in the house and show them what the dump is, talk about labor issues, environmental pollution, watch documentaries together, etc. Make it a family affair and learning experience that pulls you all closer together. It really has become a non-issue for me because I have created and maintained firm boundaries around it while being as grateful, non-preachy, and compassionate as I can while doing so.