hmm....that's rough.

honestly, if it were me, i would cringe at it for a few more months until she feels more comfortable with you in the home.

or, i might just get drunk enough to bring it up and hope it doesn't hurt her feelings.

Depending on what the new roomie does for a living (if she's in a design/creative career, it might be harder) Just say that you have a real passion for design and that you would love to help "modernize" or "rejuvenate" or "freshen up" the place. Let her know that if she wants to have some say, that it is possible, also be up front if you want her help to pay for any of the updates--because that makes it harder to convince someone of the need for change. Try and let her realize that it's not that what is there is "bad" (though it might be) but that you want to introduce more "you." If you plan on living there for a while--more than a few months--then definitely be as honest as you can. Maybe include something that you know that these are things she would probably have gotten to herself, if she weren't so busy, but you have the time and desire to get it done.

Find some looks you like in magazines and leave a few about. When you're together and shooting the breeze, look at the magazine and say "Ooo, want to see a really cute room?" Then say "Would you like to try something like this in our place? I think it would look great."

I majored in passive-aggressive in college.

lol-- my roommate just bought a new shower curtain and put it up-- I love it. She chose with me in mind though-- her style is not shabby chic, mine is, but she went for shabby chic in a design she liked. win, win. She and I have a great friendship though-- soo...I'd give it a couple more months too-- there will be a right time.

I'm SO with April on this one... Live with it until she's more comfortable with you, then get her a little happy buzz and lay it on her!

Wow, I like that room. Alot. Oh well.

Can you just ask her, "Would you be up for a decor change?" If she seems hesitant in any way, then there's your answer. Just don't be pushy and if she is as sweet as you say, then she won't get offended. Bottom line, you'll never know if you don't ask.

If that's an actual picture and not just a "sample pic", then you need to leave well enough alone IMO. She's been there 4 years, and from the looks of it, she knows what she's doing even if it's not your taste.

Look at her, in the eye, and tell her "this house look like nast." then, keeping eye contact, start haphazardly painting whatever wall is next to you with white. you're welcome.

Is this the really the room in question? Thats hard, because it looks very designed (I actually quite like it). I think it would be easier if the room would be just kind of undesigned, some random furniture, but that looks very intentional, as if someone put a lot of thought and effort into it to achieve a certain look. Do you know who was behind it, the roommate or your friend who moved out? If it is the roommate, I think you pretty much have to live with it, since when you decided to move in it it already had this design and so by moving in you kind of accepted it? You might suggest changing one aspect of the room which is bothering you the most or some small changes. If it was more the idea of your friend, you can ask your roomate if she wouldn't mind a few changes. All in all I think if you really wanted to change the decor you should have discussed it with the roommate before moving in.

I'm in the same situation right now. I am taking over a friend's room once she gets married and moves. I have already been chomping at the bit to change things up, and i don't even live there yet!

So far i have been talking to my new room mate and I plain asked her "what do you like about your living space? what do you want to change?"

Turns out she wanted to figure out how to get more seating and so began the conversation of a bench coffee table and extra chairs to free up some space.

You may want to get her opinion in an open dialog first. Who knows, she way be looking for a change too.

This is not a room put together by someone who does not care. The time to negotiate what it means to share a living space with someone is, well, before you live with them. Seems like you may have committed to living in a room you don't like. Be an adult and live with your decision. Ask, but be prepared to accept her taste gracefully.

agree with fulinlin, if this is the room in mind then I would definately wait until you are a bit more 'chummy' with her. sounds to me like if you moved in then you dont have much say... and honestly this room is not that bad, if you want more creative input you may have to wait until you have your own place and lets be honest here: do you want to come home to a purple wall or a women who is upset at you? I'll take the purple wall anyday! Not my idea of fun! But hey its your life!

If that's a picture of the actual room, there's definitely a theme going on and looks like everything was carefully planned and thought out. It's a tough situation. If your present roommate is the designer, she may not take to your suggestions for a change.

As usual, and as noted above, the AT poster leaves it as an open question as to whether the room pictured is the actual room. (Bad editing!)
Anyway, IF it's the actual room -- and not just some random room w/a purple wall -- it's gorgeous, IMO.
And, it was the person's choice to move in, as fulinlin so aptly points out.

I just moved into a apt that my roommate has been living in for the last 5 years. What I've done is just made suggestions and going what do you think if we do this.....at the end of the day it doesn't hurt to ask because it is your place too now and you both want to feel at home in it.

C’mon people. That photo is not the room in question.

I agree with the suggestion to wait a bit. You need to know this person better in order to know how and when to raise the subject, and you need her to feel like you are invested in the space and not just a Johnny come lately interloper.

Also… don’t make it about the current space being BAD. Make this about you. As in… design and décor is just what you like to do. If she’s really busy, my guess is she’ll be thrilled that you’re willing to take it on. And you can let her decide how much involvement she wants.

I would ask your dear friend whether she thinks your current roomie would be open to change. But I'd still wait a little while before brining it up.

I suggest a bit of a 'tweak' to the earlier suggestion, which is this:

Say that you enjoy decorating and that you would like to try out some things on the apartment -- would that be okay?

It's simple, true, and to the point. If she asks what you would like to do, you can tell her and work with her on it. If she asks if there's something wrong with this place, dodge the question and tell her what you like (people are really bad at telling that you didn't answer their question, as long as you make your answer sound very convincing).

In any event, I like the spirit of saying "modernize" or "rejuvenate," but I think those are actually the kinds of words you want to avoid, because that implies the place is currently "out-dated" and "run-down." Focus on words that simply imply that you want to try something different.

I'm in this situation too and I just feel like I'll leave it be. I don't want to hurt my roommate. Just like yours, she has been here for a long time. I will probably move out before she does. Although you both need to be comfortable I think you should just wait to get your own place, or my favourite, get your own place, decorate and then find a roommate (preferrably a guy haah jokes, sorta). I think this is something you should have discussed PRIOR to moving in and you really run the risk of hurting her feelings (if it is indeed her paint choice, etc.). Good luck either way!

Wow this is a really tough one. I moved into an apt that was completely furnished and one day I moved all the furniture to sweep behind it and while it was moved I decided to rearrange it and when I got home there was a really nasty note from my roommate. Yikes!

So after learning the hard way, I imagine your roommate will be uncomfortable if you want to redecorate.

@ arroyo:
Well, AT says to "email your question w/pic attachments... those w/pics get answered first."

So, why would one assume that this is NOT a pic of the apt. in question?

I think one way to approach it is to frame the discussion in terms of making the place you live feel like your home. Discuss the possibility of working together to make some changes so that the common areas reflect both of your styles. It may turn out that she doesn't even care, but approaching the topic this way doesn't make it sound like you hate her style. If it turns out she does care, I do think you owe some deference to her preferences since she has lived there longer and you agreed to live there knowing what it looked like. Good luck.

I'm with urbancricket on this one. Talk to the friend who moved to feel things out first. That way, if your new roommate is married to the room the way it is, you won't be hurting her feelings.

Sounds like you are hating the wall color most of all. Wall color is a pretty big element of a room's design, so if you are successful in getting her to agree to a new wall color, all kinds of other ideas and changes will naturally follow.
If I were in your shoes, I would spend time doing lots of research on good wall colors that might bring out whatever you do like about her things and that might be suitable for a few of your things. You know she likes deep colors, so grit your teeth and be willing to discuss a deep color for some part of the common areas.
Be willing to do more than your share of the work, or to contribute more than half of the cost. Doesn't sound fair, but she likes things the way they are, and you didn't negotiate design changes when you agreed to live there.
You might start off with a small win by talking her into an accent wall.
Good luck.

Why did you move to a place that you hated the decor and color of?

You moved into her space, that presumably she decorated and likes. If you hated the look, why did you move there? I would either move, or suck it up and live in the place you moved to.

She's a nice roommate. It's a good price. I would live with it. And, I wouldn't move to a place I HATED the decor of... that's kind of your issue with it. But, you could ask your friend how the color was chosen and who decorated. Even so, I would be careful with bringing it up. This girl could have put a lot of time and money into decorating and loves the way it is. Then, you come along.. hate the space.. and want to change her hard work and favorite room. Chances are, she'll be offended on some level... even if she agrees to change some things.

Next time, move into a place where you like- or can tolerate- the design of. Or, move into an unoccupied space and get a roommate who moves in at the same time as you.

With that said, I'm a bit biased. I spent a lot of time and money making a living room look great. It was tasteful and elegant. A new roommate comes along and dislikes it... telling me that after she gets her. Problem is, she was hateful about everything and turned out to be a disaster of a roommate. She damaged the property, left dishes and boxes and filth everywhere, never cleaned anything, left her laundry everywhere, paid late all the time, and was just a nightmare. Perhaps I'm biased because of that. But, I still think you should 1) not move somewhere if you don't like the design/decor.. someone put work into the design, whether it's your style or not and 2) at least get to know the new roommate, and ask your friend how the decor was chosen. Maybe the girl wouldn't mind a few changes, but you also could be seen as trying to take over the house and disregard her taste and style. If the girl has lived there 4 years, she must like it. Good luck.

It's disappointing that AT did not see fit to attribute the photo. It would have been the professional thing to do, and it would have eliminated idle speculation and chatter on the subject.

Not the first time this has happened here, of course, and probably not the last. My reaction is not to comment on future 'good questions' unless it's clear that the image illustrates the actual question at hand.

@runswithscissors: good detective work!

what does it matter if you all like the room or not and if it's the one in the picture?
If I was the unfortunate roommate of this poster, I'd be thinking they didn't say anything before moving in, they must love the way I've done my home.

People have all become designers now that they've watched a few hgtv episodes.

Start with a compliment, "I love the chandelier/chair/mirror, but I have to admit I am not a fan of the paint. Would you be open to exploring other options? " Show her that you see she has style/ taste, but it doesn't completely match your style. And a glass of wine or two! may help!! Good luck!

Is the room in question the room pictured? I like that room!

As an addendum, given that people's design choices vary so widely, I wouldn't do anything other than move out if I couldn't take it. It could be that her design choices are quite stylish, but just not the poster's choices. For example, the room posted above is quite stylish, but may not be the aesthetic of every mid-century esthete out there.

Having lived in roommate situations for many years, here's what I recommend based on my most successful redecorating experiences (and from my worst mistakes):
1. Be direct. Let her know you'd like to make some changes to make the common spaces equal parts you and her.
2. Be positive/diplomatic. Use phrases like "I would like to bring in [this]", rather than "I don't like/want to change/get rid of [that]".
3. Share photos of rooms that reflect your style and what you want to bring into the apartment specifically (color, furnishings/art).
4. Be prepared to compromise on some things.You'll likely have to keep elements already there, but you can rearrange to blend successfully with your stuff. Ask her what she loves most about the rooms and integrate it into the new plan. Ask if there are any deal breakers so you don't unintentionally change something that will impact her negatively.
5. Be prepared to pay for any changes you want to make, it's possible she's open to change but it may not be a financial priority for her now.

If you have moved into a dear friend's bedroom because she moved out and your roommate didn't actually choose to live with you, you sound a little "the hand that rocked the cradle"ish.

Since we know people's decor reflects their personality; take heed. I hate the room in the photo,seems too prissy and uptight to me. Therefore I would think the personality to be a bit picky-picky, and I personally couldn't live with that.
The 2 roommates I've ever had, the personality conflict was much more of an issue than the decor!

For me, the second comment on this post is a great guide of what NOT to do. Don't say you want to "modernize" or "rejuvenate" it, because maybe she likes it. Don't say that "if she wants to have some say, that it is possible," because that sounds totally douchey. I guess you should "be up front if you want her help to pay for any of the updates," but also don't expect her to. If I was living in a house and someone came in and said "this place is totally tired, I'm gonna make it less hideous. I GUESS that if you want to have SOME input I might take it into consideration. Either way, you'll need to pay for half of what I decide to do," I would basically kick them out on the spot/undo any changes they made.

For all you know, after 5 years, she really loves everything about her home. Equally possible that after 5 years she is used to it but would love a change. Either way, I agree with a lot of people here: wait awhile until you are a more settled part of the home and then bring it up. And when you do it, do it in a way where it sounds like you are just excited to do something, not in a way where it comes off like you think you're doing her a big favor.

(And don't really expect her to pay for any of it. If I was happy in a space 5 years and someone came in and wanted me to pay for changes I never really thought were necessary, I'd laugh in their face. Maybe she will get excited about it and help you out, but if I was busy and used the apartment as home base, I probably wouldn't care what you did as long as I didn't have to pay for it.)

Hi Guys! Thanks so much for all of your feedback. As many of you noted, the photo listed is definitely NOT of our place. When I submitted my question, I didn't have photos handy so the editors inserted their own pic. ( I would die for that living room!) Anyway, there's a lot of great feedback. I think I'm going to ask her if she cares that I tackle the wall first and paint it something neutral, and use that as a good point of departure. I never expected to have her pay for anything, I can suck up the 50 bucks for the paint and supplies! I really appreciate the time you guys took to respond, and I'll be sure to use my words wisely when I approach her. Dulce

Who owns the place? Who pays the most rent? Whose stuff are you hating on?? If you split the rent, you should have an equal say in how it looks, as long as you come to an agreement on that. Personal space can be whatever that individual wants, but shared, common areas need to be ok to both of you. (On the other hand, if you pay for the bedroom and she really pays for the rest of the unit, her vote counts more. Still worth discussing, though.)

I would say, "Can we talk about the decorating here? I have to say I am not a fan of (whatever) and I was wondering if you would be okay with changing it? Here is what I'd like to do, if it's ok with you. (explain)." If she hates YOUR plan, then you need to discuss fairness in shared spaces, equity of shared rent, and what compromises she WOULD accept -- or else give up and live with it or find a new place.)

I think lenabena006 and chaos amoeba are on the right track......just say you are passionate about design and love to experiment.

Ask her if she's interested in re-creating the space together - it could be a fun bonding project for the two of you.

And, as others have mentioned, waiting a few months to become friends couldn't hurt. If you go the alcohol route, you may want to consider it's probably better for her to be the tipsier of the two of you (imo)

Question aside, I want to see more of the room in the accompanying picture :)